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Home My WebLink AboutThe Goderich Signal-Star, 1975-04-03, Page 9,M111111111111111•1116. i.musimmioniummowiiimmoionio Time now SUGAR 'N' SPICE to chp,t, bg BILL SMILEY This is the time of year that .everybody wishes somebody would do something about, but nobody does. The Ides of March. Some peOple think the Ides are little creatures like leprechauns who bore holes in your rubbers and whisper into tots' ears that that 18 -inch puddle won't go over the tops of their six-inch rubber boots. ' Others, like my wife, think they are malevolent beings'who enjoy scaring the 11Ver out of you. The other night, there was a great ramble, a crash, and all the lights went out. I thought it was maybe the second coming. She leaped a foot. "It's the Ides of March," she screamed. As a matter of fact, it was the ice off the roof, which tore away the main cable into the house. But it could just as well have been the Ides. Around the first of March, we decided we'd start _cross- coantry skiing. Bought two sets of 'skis, boots, the works. It rained for the next week, That. was the Ides.. • It's been going on for at.4east 2,000 years. Its first victim of any import was Julius Caesar. Now, Big Julie was no slouch-. • as an emperor. He had, in his day,,a bigger empire than Queen Victoria had, although he wasn't as fat. He had a pencha.nt for over- running, , oyer -haring. earg, He concise points. One, the kilt was stripped from a Scot who had strayed south to found the Bank of England, had been con- scripted into the army of the Ancient Britons and had died gallantly, shouting "Usquebaugh and Andrew Carnegie!", The helmet had been torn from a dead squarehead and was rather uncomfortable until Julius discovered that the cow's horn on the front unscrewed, was hollow, and comained 13 ounces of schnapps. From that time • on, he found it comfortable. Of the Amazon breastworks, I will say. nothing. There's enough sex and violence in history, without dwelling on it. Besides it is, or was, pointless.) At any rate, strolling anonymously ("Oh! Oh!, here ' comes Himself !") he over- heard the rumblings of discontent among his troops. It was. rather difficult to distinguish them from the other , rumblings associated with the rude and licentious soldiery, ba..t-he had a Trained Ear as well as a Romanisiose. He and his legions had just put down the seventh liptising by some Belgian tribe. One grizzled veteran was heard to say: "Belgians, Belgians! I'm sick of looting Belgian towns. All they got is gloves and tapestries.- My old Trouble 'n Strife back 'ome 'as 32 pairs " of kid gloves an' over -ran the Spanfards, the enough tapeStries--16.,niake4 French, the Germans, the shawl for the Sphinx." British and the Belgians, not to Another veteran,- , equally tion-the-Robsrin-the,east----grizz-led,agreed. them Belgian broads; I swear •they got fetlocks. In another 1,500 years, they'll be callin' 'em Percherons." A third veteran legionary, even more grizzled than the other two, concurred. "Right. An howbout that there Belgian beer. So watery ya gotta drink it in the latrine or yer caught short. I'd give my eye tooth to get a 'Whack at some Limeys or •Frogs or Krauts fer a change. Wooden even' mine goin' backta Iddaly and wipin' up sortima m theWops we're workin' for." • And he over -heard. It was his custom to prowl among the campfires at.night, and listen to • his disgruntled veterans. He didn't bother much with the gruntled yeterans. He did it, pf, course, incognito. , He wore a kilt, extra -long, to cover his pot and his knees. On • his head, to mask his baldness, he wore a German helmet, captured in the epic battle of ' Scheissinkellar. His chest was disguised by a chest-disuiser, captured from an Amazon chieftainess who had jOined Wornen's Lib and 'decided to go • braless. (It is tempting for .the dedicated historian to disgress here, but 1 will make only two (It might be noted:. in the interests of historical •- ac- curacy, that the third legion- naire, like so many of them; ARC gets extra government financing; more trainees soon The 1975 program for the Adult Rehabilitation Centre at Dashwood will be considerably expanded due to a recent an- nouncement of increased government financing. Facilities and prograrifsLare being extended to allow the increase in the number of trainees from the present 20 to at least 35. The Ontario government will now provide grants of 80 per- cent for programs of all ARC -'- projects thrbughout the province, ' The . - Dashwood ARC workshop is sponsored by the South Huron and District Association for the Mentally Retarded. Additional instructors will be hired thi& year to expand the Woodworking, good grooming, kitchen, craft and contract programs. - Applicants are now being, considered for the wood- working program.. . Instruction in good grooming is being carried out by Mickey Struyke, now ori LIP grant. She is also tutoring two female trainees in office procedure. Mrs. Bernice. Jeffrey is in charge of the,kitchen program, also with the help of a UP .grant. The trainees with Mrs. Jeffery's guidance are helping • . to prepare meals for them- selves, staff and guests. A 'number of area firins asfar away as St. Marys are making use pf the . contract and craft program. This program in- cludes gathering and assem- bling components for various plastic and woodworking firms and artificial flowers for wedding arrangements. • Mrs. Marian Dougall through a LIP grant is the volunteer co- ordinator. This • involves recruiting a;11 organizing volunteers. e Dashwood. workshop has use of the largest group -of volunteers of any ARC group in Ontario The. Grand Bend. Alhambra chapter recently • announced they would assume ARC's share of 20 percent of a new 23 passenger bus. This buS pur- chase will allow expansion of trainee pickup in .the Seaforth • and Clinton areas. The Alhambra group -was the first sponsor in the area of mentally retarded projects and the hall located south of Grand Bend is used for the South Huron AssOciationts nursery school. The annual Flowers of Hope campaign is now being organized and Mrs. Whitmore of Seaforth is the chairman. ximiiimonemseissiommersr AUTHORIZED SALES, & SERVICE • Vacuum Cleaners • Washer/Spin Dryers • Portable Dryers available on was not an ancient Roman. He was an not, Pole, who had been conscripted after he had been shot out from under his horse during an attack on Wvabld- , nschvtz.) Anyway, overhearing his grizzled, grizzling veterans, Caesar decided to act. He made a speech to his legions that had them in tears. This was after a double rum ration. Then heput down the Belgians for the eighth time, and to make his intentions clear, cut off _the right . hand of ' each male Belgian. This was the origin of the phrase "putting ,me down" and also the reason you see so many left-handeci Belgians. • Perhaps we've strayed a bit. Very well, back to the Ides of March. One day, , early in' March, back in'16 (or was it '17?) B.C., Julius was on his way to the Colosseum to make sure everything was order for the Games. He had already checked with Zeus and Mayor Drapeau, but you never know, do you? He was in his chariot, with his wife, California. She was at- tended by her maid, Florida, ''-and on the running -board were three old friends of Caesam Cassius, Nausious and Brutus. Suddenly, a stentorian voice rang out, as stentorian voices do. Some ring out like a great, bronze bell. Others just ring out a sort of ding -a -ling. This was a bearded, ding-a- -ling'type-sterttor::--` t.Beware-tlie Ides of March!" he trilled. Unfortunately, Caesar was deaf in one ear. He thou:ht the sooth-sayer (that'swhat they called the ding -a -ling in those days), was a soap salesman with a new jingle, something washing with Tide and starch. Naturally, he waved him Naway,,, muttering something about California using nothing but arctic power. Some days later, right to the day, the Ides of March arrived. Well, you know the rest. Big Julie wasassassinated. His friend Cassius crowned him, With a' cassock, his pal Nausious breathed garlic in his face, and his beloved 'Brutus stabbed him in the rotunda. 'You might say that Caesar came, out of that. one a heavy 'loser. He w,ent in at 154 pounds and came out with 16 daggers in him. So all I can suggest is that iydoeu,s.keep an eye out for those • your car „Some odd things can happen to a vehicle that has not been safety -checked for some tim0; You might decide to turn left, but the car could decide to tarn right or continue in a straight„ line with disastrous results, should something happen to the radius rods or the control arms. Or, you might decide you want to stop in a hurry because a big tractor -trailer has just ' stopped in front of you for a traffic signal, but your car decides to go straight on because you haven't had your brakes checked over lately. Late one evening, you could be barrelling down a highway with only one headlight, leaving it to oncoming drivers, to decide (which side of the light you might be on!' During a sprcing thun- dershower, windshield wipers on which all maintenance has , been neglected might'decide to retire from active duty, leaving you to guess where you are going. Maybe 'that noisy exhaust pipe is. about to start sending poisonous carbon monoxide into yotIr 'car in retaliation for not having been fixed. • If you don't look after "old Betsy!'or whatever term of -endeartnent7your-40.tOmobile:- best responds to, it can have quite a habit of getting back at • .you. The Canada Safety CotinCil • recommen s regu ar --s-arety— inspections. Ii GODER ICH S IoNA L-STAR,11.041SPAY, APRIL 3, 1975.,.MG 3A WILKINSON'S AND 'PEOPLES BRAND 0 0 Wilkinson Stainless Steel REG. 5.7c CARD 'CARDS FOR WE-LCOME .4ERVICE:- WoUld like to call you with "housewarming gifts", and in- formation about your new. . • locati9n. The Hostess will be glad to 'arrange your subscrip- tion to the Signal -Star Call her at 524-7854 BOUQUET 100 PERCENT PURE WOOL Bus...INEssy. DIRECTOR DIESEL Pumps and Injectors Repaired For All Popular Makes Huron Fuel Injection • Equipment Bayfield Rd. 482-7971 9TEd CHA-RTUZED ACCOUNTANT , 39 West Street Goderich,, Ontario Office (519) 524-2011 Home (519) 524-9640 ACCOUNTING AND TAX SERVICE ARTHUR R TUCKER C.G.A. Certified General Accountant 16 Victoria Blvd., Vanastra Box 957, Clinton 482-i737 easy terms •HUTCHINSON -APPLIANCES TRADE INS ACCEPTED 308 HURON RD, • CHISHOL.M FUELS Distributors For . tiflaCtlf ASSORTED KINDS 100 ML. SIZE • •LARGE 'VARIETY ASSORTED COLOURS 00. EACH' PLASTIC MUSHROOM STYLE SIZE 72 x334 POLYESTER AND VISCOSE PASTEL COLOURS ONLY ASSORTED COLOURS REG. $6.99 Ronald L. McDonald CHARTERED'ACCOWTANT 39 St., David St., 524-6253 Goderich, Ontario R. W.13ELL OPTOMETRIST The Square, , 524-7661 524-7831 PRODUCTS HOME, FARM, ;* INDUSTRY • 24*Hour Frio Burner flarvicc • Furnace Financing * Gastilinss• $ Diesol Fut. • New Furnace instailstion & Hot Water pollen 524.7681 OR 529-75/4 Cards For All Occasions * Gifts * Books * Stationery Supplies * Records ANDtRSON'S . 800'K (ENTRE33 EAST St. : poderich • .0 For • FASHION • RIGHT SHOES The Place To Go Is • ROSS • SHOES The Square Godericti IMENERItlE.. WORK BOOTS REG. $7.99 $ 5 9 9 MEN'S "CUSHION SOLE" 'SOCKS . ASSORTED COLOURS $ 00 PAIR GIRLS' OPAQUE '• • SIZE 27" x 72" RUG RUNNERS • ENAMELLED SANI-CANS WHITE - GOLD - AVOCADO REG. $8.99 REG. 39c AND 49c° 3 $ 030• -4 THIRSTY, WOVEN DISH 'CLOTHS . ASSORTED COLOURS. REG. 39c EA. 3 8 8c GIANT SIZE • GREEN BtlYS' SIZES 8 TO 16 100 PERCENT NYLON STRETCH SHORT SLEEVES , T-SHIRTS $.100• " ASSORTED SATIN OR TWILL • CAKE DISH, LOAF DISH CASSEROLES WITH COVERS ONLY, $ 99 HEAD SQUARES HEAVY GAUGE DIAPERS PKG. OF 1 DOZEN 8 8c PKiGo. OF GIRLS' KNEE HI HOSE SIZES 6 TO'7 AND 7 TO 9 2 PAIRS 97c FOR LADIES' 100 pERcEwr ObLYESTER GIRLS' SHORT SLEEVES BLOUSES SIZES 38 TO 44 SIZE $1 29 30" x 40" PORCELAIN DECORATED COFFEE MUGS 00 ASSORTED DRESS PANTS . SIZES 8 TO 14 REG. $3.99 1 97 LADIES' FANCY TRIM . . • . • . • • • w • 11, ":„