The Goderich Signal-Star, 1974-10-10, Page 29U
tt
LET ME TELL YOU
ABOUT -,THE FUTURE
by BHI Smiley,
This week, I' moing to make
..two predictions. For too long,
I've beery hiding my light under
a bushel, when ,it .comes to,
forecasting, and it's time to
come out from under the bushel
and. reveal that I am somewhat
of a seer, when it comes to the
future.
Years ago, I came,out against
capital punishment.. It was
done away with. I said we
should let Red China into the
U.N. It was done. I said the
trout were disappearing from
our streams, because of
pollution. They did. I suggested
WI would never be rich: I'm not.
But nobody, paid any atten-
tion. Only within the family did
anyone realize that I had the
gift -of prophecy. I told my son,
"If you don't stop goofing
around, you're going , to flunk
out of college." He did. I told
my wife, "If you don't, stop
worrying so much about
everything, .you'll be a nervous
wreck'." She is. I told my
daughter, "If you pick that
baby up every time he utters a
whimper, he'll be spoiled
silly," He is.
You see, even my own family
didn't put much faith in me,
even though I'm always. right.
I'm somewhat, like Cassandra,
the .lady from ancient Troy,
who was given the gift of
foreseeing the future, • and, at
the same time, the curse that
nobody would ever believe her.
Q.K. It's time to go public. If
Tin right;- I'11' have politicians
and poets, actors and authors,
beating a path, to my door.
Will I win? Will I be famous?
Will I wow them? Will I write
the great Canadian novel?
I've decided to take on an
'assistant, though it's only to
keep his mother from starving
in a cockroach -ridden apart-
ment, -
He will be Nikov Chen, my
grandbabby. He's half fey Irish
and half romantic German and
half blunt Canadian. That
`makes him 150• percent. A
natural. If he chortles, I'll tell
my, whining clients "Yes", If
his face wrinkle§ and he starts
to whimper, as he .does, I'll give
my customers a 'blunt, "No."
We should, make . a million.
With the new child labour
taws, I'll probably have to'give
him ten percent.
Well, here's my first predic -
tion. This is being written after
the first 'half of the Ganada-
Russia series. They are all tied
up.
With .-that group of tottery
Old men, who have given a
great account of themselves,
and those unknown young
players, make up the WHL
team, it takes a lot of courage
to come out with . a blunt'
forecast of the final result:
But here it ris. ',predict —
and if I'm not 'fight on the
nose, I'll drink a bottle of
vodka on the town hall steps —'
that 2,400 of the 2,500
Canadians going to Russia for
the games there will be drunk
sixty percent of the time, and
hung-over .the other °forty per-
cent.
As for the series itself, what
does' it matter who wins? It's
only a game, though a rather
entrancing combination„ of
ballet and mayhem.
• .Besides, Canadians are the
biggest sports cry-babies in the
world.. If we lose, we were rob:
bed. If we win, it's a victory,of
free enterprise over
authoritarianism. This is a
nation of Monday, morning.,
quarterbacks and late Saturday
night referees.
We're a nation " of experts,
especially in hockey. After all,
for several generations, all that
the world knew Canada was
any good at was producing
maple syrup, rye whiskey and
hockey players.
I've„ heard women who
wouldn't know a -shift from '"a
nylon slip castigating the
Canadian players for all sorts
of sins.
I've heard mature men, who
couldn't even skate on their
ankles when they' were . kids,
DOWN -SPOUTS, EAVES -
TROUGHS - IN NEED
OF THESE?..)---
WE
HESE?f-WE DO,
SWEETMETAL
' WORK TO
PLEASE
,Joan M. Vassella, .a, former
Goderich resident and teacher
at Victoria Public School, is
• the newly appointed Art Con-
sultant, Grey County Board of
Education, Martcdale; Ontario.
She is the daughter of Mr. and
Mrs. 'Clifford Vanstone, 225"
Picton Street East, Goderich.
1.1
MBING
d. HEA LING
KIN¢;STON 01.
5
NbWH
highest ever...,
t•
The senior Trust Company devoted entirely
to s rriftg the people;o fOntario.
VG
Member Canada Deposit
Insurance Corporation
?L4 and GREY
TRUST COMPANY SINCE°1880
p a °
MANAGER J.D. (PAVE) CROSS , 5244391
• 100 KINGSTON ST., OODERICH
shouting obscenities at our -
players because, "They1.re not
hitting enough, fergawsake."
I've heard teenagers of both
sexes cheer.. when some
Canadian ape rammed has stick
into a Russian's teeth.
Well', that's my first predic-
tion. The second is that I'rn
going to win Mayor Drapoo's
lottery. First prize. A cool
million, tax free.
This prediction is based on a
combination of prophecy and
logic, not just a wild hunch,
Look. In thepast two years,
I've broken my- toe, my nose,
two ribs, and the law. I'm not
,saying that the Lord is picking
on me. just don't think he's
been keeping an, eye on this lit-
tle sparrow, when he falls.
It's time for a different kind
of break, and the law of
averages suggests to the occult
side of me, that it's going to be
the Big Million.
Couple nark
25:years of
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marriage va %
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10 I
:On Saturday, September 28,
Mr. and Mrs. Ernest Powell of
219 Regent. St.,, Goderich,
celebrated their 25th wedding
anniversary with a family din-
ner on- the' lawn for 34 guests.
A toast to the happy couple
was made by the best man of 25
years ago, and responded to by
their eldest son ,Rick.
The bridal party of 25 years
ago were all present. Much
time was spent in reminiscing.
Open house was held in the
evening where 63 guests signed
the register. 9
Mr.' and Mrs. Powell were -
the recipients of many gifts and j
cards.
They have three sons, Rick,
Dennis and Gary, all al, home;
Guests were present from
Sarnia, London, Kitchener,
Collingwood, Exeter, Hensall, • j
Zurich,, Clinton, H'olmesville,
Dungannon, Nile, Saltford and
Goderich.
8Acoover coupte wed here
Theresa Ann Chapman and 'Leonard Bourne, both of Van-
couver, were united in marriage at Victoria Street United
Church ,on September 6. Matron of honorwas the bride's
sister, Mrs. Carol Mglntyre and the'best man was the bride's
brother, Wilfred Chapman. A shower was held --at the home
Of MrsPauline Linnington, A, quiet reception was held at
the home of Mr, and Mrs. Wilfred Chapman. The couple are 1
residing in Vancouver.
416-••••,••1n.••'x.1.1.si.•.1..,•'"1.-.0.41•1•t,0,40.•0.0rA r 1 . 01\, 0,0.4• �.�['\.�.'\'�•
OCTOBER 10, 1974- PAGE 5$,
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