HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Goderich Signal-Star, 1973-12-13, Page 53Yttreti
Signat Star scoop
fogivirscorair.srogyiri
Exclusive interview with Santa Claus
PY RON SHAW
' Well, it's that wonderful time of the year uguin Christ-
mas. That season when the frosty air is filled with horns
blaring in downtown traffic jams, the jingling of cash
registers and the occasional snatch of Bing Crosby singing
"White Christmas" for the seven hundred and forty-second
time in ort'e day. There's slush underfoot and combined with
the crush of last minute shoppers like myself it seems har-
der every year to maintain a vertical position.
1
•
This whole wonderful hassel we call Christmas set me to
wondering what the last few days preceding December 24
were like for old Santa at the North Pole. 1 had lots of time
to think about it, standing in line 'at the cash register and it
occurred to me that a lot of other people might be won-
dering the same thing.
After considering the point further 1 came to the con-
clusion it was my duty"o readers of the Signal -Star to an-
swer that question. 1 would have to go to the North. Pole and
secure an interview with good old St. Nick.
When 1 proceeded to explain to publisher Bob Shrier
about the responsibility his company had to its subscribers
he initially threatened to have me committed. After about
an hour of discussion on the subject, however, it was agreed
that my expense account could bear one round trip to the
North Pole.
The Coach House Travel Service wasn't much help. Ap-
parently there isn't a great deli of demand for travel to the
North Pole, but they did provide me with a map on how to
get there. It's really quite simple by the way. Just turn right
at Port Albert, left at Baffin Island and you're there.
With no regular flights transportation presented c�
problem. My first thought was borrowing a snowmobile
from one of the guys here at the office but beim; an ecology
buff 1 opted for a dog team.
W
Upon my arrival, Santa's secretary explained that due to
a very busy schedule old St. Nick could afford me only one
hour. 1 really agreed because the story 1 was about to get
could prove the greatest of my career. ft might be even
bigger than the Miss Nude Ontario Contest.
While waiting for my appointment time to arrive i wan-
dered around. the workshops watching little elves turn out
enough toys and gift, to make all the i oli ticia ns and other
children .of . -the world happy this Christmas.
Finally the big moment arrived and I was ushered into
Santa's letter strewn office. The interview went like this:
R.S. - Hello- Santa, I'm Ron Shaw from the Signal -Star
in Goderich. Thanks very much for finding lime to talk with
roe.
Santa: - Ho Ho Ho. You are quite welcome. I always
have time to talk with all the little girls who think about me
this time of year, •Dawn. What would you like for Christ-
mas?
R.S. - No, no Santa, the name is RON and I'm pot a little
girl. 1 just don't get to the barber shop very often.
Santa: - Oh! Sorry about that Ron, my glasses are fogged
up 1 guess. Say, _what's that on your chin?
R.S. - Look, forget it. 1 want to talk with you about your
Christmas list this year. About all those special gifts you'll
be bringing around on Christmas eve.
Santa:,.- Well bless my soul, you must be writing another
one of those corny "Christmas gifts for the politician" type
stories. Who did you have in mind?
R.S. - 1 thought we might start with Goderich Mayor
Flurry Worsell. What's, in store for him on Christmas mor-
ning?
Santa: - Ho Ho Ho 1 thought Harry might enjoy a, set of
orritij
SIGNAL -STAR
126 Year - 51
WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 19, 1973
SECOND SECTION
1
•
•
6.
14:\12.;\
building blocks. He could share them with Goderich Town-
ship Council and they could race to see which one was able
to build a shopping mall first. Thought he might like a com-
plete leather bound collection of speeches by Councillor
Elsa Haydon for his library as well.
R.S. - I'm sure he'll be pleased. What did you have in
mind for Councillor Haydon by the. way?
Santa: - Well I just got Elsa's letter yesterday. She'd like a
set of Christmas lights which convert lunar light. to elec-
tricity in view of the energy crisis. That's going to be a tough
order to fill though.
R.S. - Are there any other councillors on your list this
year?
Santa: - According to letters i've ljcen receiving from
them one gift would do for the whole lot. It seems ..they'd
like a south storm sewer. I've had the elves working on that
one now for several months but with engineers, drainage
referees and that Rayepayers' Association t� please at the
same time, we're having as much trouble as the councillors.
R.S. - And what about the G.R.A. Santa?
Santa: - Bless my soul, I've got the ideal gift for them. It's
a recent modification of famous book "How to win friends
and influence people" called "How to win members and in-
fluence council". 1 think it was written by the Save the Jail
Society.
R.S. Have you got -anything in mindLor those jail suppor-
ters?
Santa: 1 don't think I'll be able to find them this year. It
seems they've changed their name and `I understand the
new title is too long to get on a Christmas package anyway;
R.S. - have the Goderich Businessmen's Association' been
good little boys this year?
Santa: Ho Ho Ho. Suncoast Estates probably doesn't -
think so but l don't like to miss anyone on Christmas eve so
I'll be leaving them a gross of paint brushes and a dozen
brooms.
R.S. - Getting back to the Town Cou'ncillo.rs for a moment.
Were there any special requests in addition to the storm
sewer?
Santa: Just one, from Eileen Palmer. She asked me to
leave anything else that 1 thought she might like.
R.S. - And have you selected a gift for her?
Santa: - The elves are just_ wrapping it nci'w. A twelve
month supply of mace .and tear gas to handle all those
mobs who want to rule the municipality.
4q
R.S. - 1 doubt she's going to appreciate your senseof
humor •Santa.
Santa: Oh
R.S. Then there's Goderich and Area Planning Board.
What's under the tree for that group.
Santa: Let me see. Oh, yes, board member Gus Chisholm •
has asked for a long range planning policy but it seems
that's going to be as hard"tb come by as the south storm -
sewer. Maybe a jig -saw puzzle instead. The principle is
much the same.
And what about County Council, Santa?
Santa: I've got just the thing there. With this fuel crisis
its really difficult to keep my workshop up here warm and
still keep operating costs down so I'm. going to propose
moving my operation into the former Huron County Jail.
We'd both gain by that suggestion don't you think?
'R.S. - Well with the number of proposals before council
now you wouldn't have much.competition.
Santa: Bless my ¢uttons, that's just what 1 was thinking.
R.S. Are there any other offices on your list this year
Santa?
Santa: Yes 1 see the Huron County Health Unit is to
receive a trophy cabinet in which they can display all those
cartoons your Dave McKee has been doing about their ac-
tivities.
R.S. - Anything else?
Santa: - Ho Ho Ho. They'll also find a dog under their tree.
on Christmas morning. Rover is trains to sniff our im-
proper septic tanks buried in the beach End can smell goat's
milk at a mile and a half.
R.S. - Tell me, Santa, is Rover male or female?
Santa: - Ho Ho Ho. The boys at the health unit will have
to check with Dick Eisler on that one.
R.S. Turning to the national and international front
Santa, what can the world leaders expect from you.
Santa: Well President Richard .Nixon hasn't been what'
you might call an especially good little boy but like 1 said
earlier, it would be a shame to miss anyone so Jt'm going to
bring him o new tape recorder. Apparently (E7 one 1 left
him last year isn't working very well. He's also on the list
for a five year supply of income tax forms. Rumor has it
that he's been running short of them.
R.S. What about Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau?
Santa: Oh yes, little Pierre. I'm having the telephone com-
pany install a direct line between his office and that of
David Lewis. 1t should save the Prime Minister a lot of steps
dnd possibly forestall an election until next fall. I'm also
Ong to leave him a party pack of Flush -a -byes.
R.S. - And finally what have you got in mind for us at the
Signal -Star?
Santa: - Ho Ho Ho - Well Dawn ... sorry 1 mean Ron .... it
looks like you're out of luck. My elves report that your new
Signal -Star building hasn't got n chimney big enough for me
to fit through. Maybe next year.'
A:,