HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Goderich Signal-Star, 1972-03-23, Page 19mr.
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SIGNA
THURSDAY, MARCH 23, 1972
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If the Goderich Signal -Star readers are like
the readers' of other weekly 'neWspapers in
Canada, they have often wondered °befit Bi11
Smiley, the columnist who writes Sugar and
Spice appearing in .almost every weekly
newspaper you would care to mention.
We think' all your .questions= -and° some.
you've never asked will be answered in the
following rcarticle written by Shirley
Whittington for Town. and Country
Publications. Our gratitude is extended - to
them for the opportunity to copy this item.. We °
think it will provide enjoyment for many of our
readers.
BY SHIRLE.Y WHITTINGTON
Once a week,"an Ontario high school teacher,
hunches over his typewriter and stabs out a
salty .little ' column about things like,
mortgages, kids, taxes and the•cruel Canadian
winter. Bill•Smiley, who seasons 150 weekly
newspapers across Canada, with his personal
blend of sugar and spice, tells it like it is. ,
•He comments on home life. "It is something
td be borne, like varicose veins or -ingrown
toenails." o
He talks about family. hang-ups,. "Momma's.
tolerance thins with the same rapidity as
Dad's hair." •
About his job, he says, `-'Show me a teacher
in June and x'ii show "you. 'a character .with a
crumpled shirt, a wrinkled brow and a ti
desperate look in his' eye."
He has this to say about ,the puzzling
business of living: ' The Sixties produced the
millions of kids who are now,a mystery and
terror and bewilderment to the relics of the
Frightful Forties."
To readers.. of bis column, Bill comes
across- as a wise, irreverent and witty man.
It's an soonest projection. He Writes the: way he
talks. ''5itting in his favourite chair -an.
uncomfortable straight'backed job --he'll -curl
one hand around a "drink .and run the other
through his thinning white hair, He listens;
while conversation flows around him, then
delivers a wry and usually . definitive
comment, in a voice.as comfortable as a rusty
porch swing. This wiry unsentimental wisdom
is the reason acquaintances from eight .to 80
ask him for ,advice. This is why ex -students
invite him to their weddings, and why every
-female he meets falls a little bit in love ,with
him. And this is why a clipping from a
Saskatchewan .newspaper describes him. , as
"by . far our most popular syndicated
columnist."
Bill was born .in Perth, Ont., and was
Studying at Victoria College when World War
Two began: He . joined the RCAF, ,became a
'Typhoon pilot and took part in many dangerous
missions, 1°ike.hitch hiking 380 miles-on,a forty
hour pass to see a girl. He .regards this
escapade with the' same, puckish spirit as the
time he had to circle an airfield for a couple of
hours with a live • bombhanging from his
wingtip. The chaps down below wouldn't let
him land until they had cleared away all the
men and machines. "I landed.", he says, "like
a mouse in kid gloves' walking on eggs. Then I
ran like a bat out of hell, in flying boots, with a
parachute bumping on my bum."
The high times were abruptly interrupted in
1944 when he was shot down over Holland and
imprisoned -by the Ger-mans:--He came' home
with a knee. disabled by an S.S. boot,and with
plans to complete his Honour English course
at U. of T. There he met his dark -eyed wife,
and he's been announcing ever since that she is
the root of all his troubles.
They had only been married a few months,
subsisting•on love and very little nioney, when
biology threw a spanner into the works. Ivy
(Susie to her friends) became pregnant and
Bill developed T.B. After a year of
separation --he in a sanitorium, she at home in
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-Wiarton—they both resumed their college
careers, burning the midnight oilwith a baby
son as•well as a stack of text books. Bill had his
eye on post -graduate studies in English with 'a
vie* to teaching, but tragedy intervened.
Ivy's brother-in-law, the editor of the
Wiarton Echo was drowned ands, there was
nobody to take over the paper. Bill stepped into
the breach and for years he lived "the happy
harried life of a small town newspaper editor,
rushing to get -ads out, covering council
meetings and Women's Institute meetings." In
addition, he.1wrote a personal column, free
'from editorial and reporting restrictions. The
little column ncaught on. Soon other editors
were picking it up and some of them paid him
as much as 50 cents a week for it. Before long
over eighty weeklies were reprinting Smiley's
Sugar and Spice and the-p1oofreadthg, mailing
and billing, became a famiily industry for Bill,
Ivy and the youngsters, Hugh and. Kim: When
the" Telegram Syndicate offered to market
Bill'scolilmn, everybody. was delighted. No
more sticky tongues from licking envelopes
and stamps!
Although he was established as an.editor _anii
columnist, the urge to teach lingered in Bill.
Off he went to O.C.E. Ivy .managed the paper,
juggling interviews, news reports and the
management of a' home and family with
cheerful efficiency.
He began his teaching career in Midland,
where he is now, head of .the English
Department of MSS. Lately he has joined the
Argyle .syndicate.. The Telegram tried to
retaliate by featuring another well known
columnist in Smiley's format, but his loyal
readers weren't fooled. As far as' they're.,
"concerned Bill Smiley is irreplaceable. •
Proof ' of his readers' affection and
involvement arrives .in his mailbox almost
every day. When he mentioned a few years ago
that his daughter Kim ws dangerously ill with
hepatitis;. a flood of letters arrived; with
prayers for her 'recovery. When he saidthat,.
in his opinion cable TV was exploitation, he
• was visited by two officials from a larged. cable
network, who suggested that perhaps he was
'only kidding and would' like to retract or
modify his statement in a later column..He
wasn't, He didn't. Last year he wistfully
remarked that he'd like to getaway from it all
and enjoy a summer vacation 'with, his wife --
perhaps in the form of an auto trip across
Canada. Invitations flowect,,.in, offering
everything from deeps.. sea fishing in the
Maritimes to dancing under the. stars in
British Columbia. A• column commenting on,.
,the BAHAI religion inspired a spirited if
-ungrammatical, 'reply from an irate
Westerner.
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For a writer like Bill, a colourful family is a
deftnite asset His .wif+e,. �.to -._whom he has -
referred variously as ".the Old Lady," "the
Battle Axe," or "the Boss," is in reality an
intelligent and attractive lady who -gets fan
mail of her own. She's as interested,in writing- '
and reading as he is, and plays a mean game of
chess. If occasionally she does something
wacky, like setting the mantle piece, afire at
Christmas, it's all grist for Bill's mill.
Daughter Kim, a beautiful redhead with a
blinding smile, is currently- a Student 'at
Erindale College; where she is earning
professorial raves for her writing ability..
Smiley's readers know all about her. They
have been following her exploits through Bill's
,column, from her first music festival to her
:summer hitch -hiking adventures.
Hugh, .Bill's handsome� son, was also. at
university, and Smiley afficianados
remember columns about his piano recital,
his summer working on theboats and the time
he broke a finger Indian wrestling in Mexico.
Bill's attitude to his kids is a typical blend of
sugar and spice. `Those selfish brats? Let *
them look after themselves. I'm going to enjoy
"life without worrying about a pair of rotten
ingrates." As he says this, he writes out a
healthy cheque to help with college expenses.
Is writing the. column ever a chore?' Yes,
says * Bill. "It has to be in the' mail every
Tuesday night, and every minute writing it is .
hard -work: I hate . , s --f i n shred.
Then ',either feel the glow of knowing it came
off, or a small work of misery starts eating
away at me and I can't eradicate it until the
next col'umn."
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Will he' ever write the Great Canadian
Novel? "Ther e are quite a few of them around
already, "hesays , Yby fellows like Callaghan,,
.Richler, Hugh -Garner • and Jack Ludwig. As
long as I'm teaching, I won't have tinte to star°t
anything so ambitious."
Because there are never enough hours in the
day, Bill often has to turn down invitations to
speak, or to conduct writing .seminars. The
few speaking engagements he has undertaken
have proven to be memorable occasions for
his listeners. To a high school graduating
class he said, "Tonight I'm supposed to speak
to yob about good readinghabits .. , The choice'
of speaker was a hilarious piece of
miscasting. "- In 1971, he opened a speech to
the top officials of the Royal Canadian Legion
this way: "You must wonder what a .• .
piddling little one-time. flight -loot is doing
addressing such an august body. And I
wondered the same." . ' ° _ti,
He has• served on the "panel of judges for the
Stephen Leacock Award for several years, a.
role he enjoyed because' it kept him abreast of
developments in Canadian writing, a subject in
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