HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Goderich Signal-Star, 1971-12-02, Page 35Q
The Blue Thumb
BY G. MacLD ROSS'
The Western oild having
Wengineered. itself Into a
depression, with con nuent
increasing .• unemployment, is
embarking or novel methods to
solve the two- last ages of man.
Czar Meany may . thir_, -his
renunciation -of his 28.5 per cent
pay increase . will point the tray,
but . Mr. Woodcock presses for
the retirement of everyone,
except himself, after 30 years of
undetected. crime.
There is thus ,,the possibility.
that the problem of how to find
work for the population may be
lifted from subsidization' by the -
already overburdened, taxpaY,er
and require the individual to
amuse. himself _as best he can.
But many refuse - to retire.
Responsibility is so novel that
the very --idea, of having to devise
means to avoid transformation
into a cabbage appalls them.
They have been so' emasculated.
by years under Boards of,
Education, • •each under 'a
succession of socialistically
inclined governments that Chey
are lost' without the prop of a
bus and . some , sinecurative
government service, or without
some benign government
supported .industry
• Only when the devil is sick4 L
they realize how much damage
they did to 'themselves by their,
constant bravadoes, demanding
what was, not . there 'to , demands ,
What had riot- bean larned-irr tie
eyes of the purchaser, an
attitude„ in, which. they, were
supported rby their leaders as-
_ well a s__.__by_the,AAllies —the
governments. . •
Now it is 'to be -decreeed that
they have had their place at the
trough long enough; way, must
be made' for .others, and so the
old men of 40 are forced to look
to their own ingenuity to
'employ themselves and thus to
live with'themselves.
W•
Nevertheless to some
retirement means freedom to•
pursue projects they have been
promising themselves alltheir
lives, even to the fallacy of doing"
nothing at - all. ' But •they will
never .be left in peace to enjoy
their contemplation., Veople are
curious and they will -question
them as to how they amuse
themselves,all day.
_Suppose you elect to retire to
one of those lazy, 'sunbathed
keys, where doing nothing with
nothing at all is de rigueur. Fine!
But suppose too, that you return
to that hive of' industrycallecr"
Godpoor. What happens then?
You are back on the defensive.
You invite, some visitors to
your "castle in Spain?' ' for
example George and his -wife. To
your horror you 'see ' there
unpacking the- car and building.
great mounds of toys they have
brought; mountains of golf
clubs, snorkels, rubber dinghies,
Uriempio
and not that alone, for- they have
towed one of those U' HAUL`
URSEL' F affairs-. and on it is a
snowmobile, just in case!
'Before the luggage is out of
the trunk, they are asking about
bridge and before you can poue
them a cold cola George is
asking: "What exactly 'do you
find to do here?"
This is the sort of question
which ir;variabTy„pnnerves me. j
look George right between his
Mean little ,'eyes, his '
parchment -like citified -skin, his
deeply furrowed brow and even
to this day I remember the
translucent evasions, the
economy of 'truth, tile shifty
'ambiguities with which I
answered him.' When I dilate on
all my many chores: fetching the
paper; putting out the garbage;
feeding the dog; answering the
door; entertaining guests the
same evening (after I have
"glorified" the rug 'after 'a
regrettable canine ac.cident)..not
to mention all the shopping,
George remains unmoved.
How, I ask you any retired
friends, -how• ,,can ._we, the
unemployed, der hd ourselves
agaihst the worker, George?
Walking the dog produces
merely a cynical grunt; doing
taximan for all the `older'
women, a ribald remark; reading
a great, deal, • just piffling
detective stories; 'helping with
the 'housework and the wife
' betrays you with an explosive
'guffaw; shuffle board to'tone up
the muscles: derisive mirth,
But " if you 'are not as
unemployable as the pigeons; if
you possess enough grey matter
.above 10 percent proof, -there-
are
there°are other ways. Be vague! Say
you "write." But don't mention
it's a b"pok because then you will
be open to• the constant query:
"How's.the book going?".._It. is
useless to explain that 15
literary giants have •read it and
that each one �• has advised
recasting it in a different format.'
By the- tenth rewrite you are
ent or` r�tirernent
looking fpr a new hobby.
"I discovexd I had a great gift
for composition, so I am very
involved with photography just
now".
• s'
Confidently -handled this is a
winnah! ,because -no one in their~
`senses.a.vvants to see' either. your
album, still less, your slides
pro1ecte&, each accompanied
with some banal excuse for its
imperfections.
But gardening — if you have a
garden — that can usually be
satisfied . by constantly /toying
with a pair of secateurs, r being'
caught in the hall by peg le who
come to call -with your hands in
a pair of "green thumb" gloves.
Then there is "extensive
travel" which° can be acquired
quite simply by the possession
of any good, guide book. You
can soon numb their
consciousness by repeating your,'
catalogue of phrases: "That
reminds me that when I stbod
ori • the ramparts of the Red
Fort " Or "I never knew until
1' saw them that Napoleon had
broken the noses of all the
sphinxes" If you are asked
whether the snake charmer is
'still outside the Galle Face
Hotel; you •ean always say there
was beri beri on your ship and,
you did not put ire ta..Golornbo. _
But courage mes auris, the'
time will come *hen even' the
Georges of this world will find
that advancing years, not to
mention ' Contact with . the
frosJ,ed mitt Mfof the Boss', will
enable , them to "enjoy" their
unemployment. 1 simply.
couldn't resist the temptation to
seek George . out. ..as . soon, as -I.-
heard he was basking -in the
bright lights of Clunton. There I
discovered him, as he lay on his,,
small patio( as nearly-, horizontal
as the human body can contort
itself to be&)'me,' while_at the
samo time'elnsuri,ng that there is
an adequate declination for the
"ambe'r liquid in his glass to reach
the interior without the loss of a
single drop on to his chin.
His .dace seemed all mottled;
in his eyes, those piggy eyes of;
yore, there lurked that far -away
look with which on occasion,
Men destroy far away places.
For a few . pr-egnant minutes 1
contemplated him in silence.
Then I leaned. forward.
After all' I'm not revengeful or
vindicative, still less .maliciou s; in
fact just an ordinary plan.
"George", ,1 said, "I see you
have found YOUR . hobby.
Would you call it environmental
control . collecting empty
bottles?"
"What's that, old man? You'll
have to speak up. I'm getting,
rather hard of hearing these
dayir
Well now, there's -one "Pnever
thought of.
GQDERIC1 SlGNM - TAR,' flu .SD ;,; , n i lV1
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'Mrs. Kathleen Hanl.y (left) and Miss Gertrude Wilkes received
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