Loading...
HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Exeter Advocate, 1892-12-8, Page 7LAUGH AIM LEARN. Counting tile Stern "0, how neeny steps there are to toko ; Seed Madge in her owe sweet way; 4. There are step tee 'now and granclmamma•l Audit's nothing but etops all dee, Now papo, calls me, I must surely go, :And Tommy says, 'raid Rut the steps I take for you, mamma, Troyer owlet them, all." " And why does my darline never count The stops that she metes for " ihecause," and dosing het lips with a kiss, t love you so, don't you see.' he drew away, but the tears ran fast From the eyes that had weary grown; For I had Bo IOIlg been counting the steps, .Ses I took thorn, one by one- .& chile of his, yet needing to learn, With so many steps to take, Then, we never count them as we go, When taken for Christ's own sake. A chopping ma dome t seem to make much impression on the seaboard. 'The man who has nob acquitted himself very oreditably often expects the judge to acquit him. Book agent -Where's the man of the house? Mr, 'Henpeckt-Over there. She's weedin' the garden. .. I say, waiter, I've dropped t sixpence. If you find it let me have it back ; if you don't you can keep it." 'Visitor -How does the land lie out thie way? Native -Is ain't the land that lies sir; it's the land agent.. Diner -Welter, how long will my ome- lette be ? Weiter-I can't tell exactly sir, but they average about 9 inches. It is probable , then J. ?VL Berrie, the noted Scotch author, will be brought to this country to read from some of his own 'works. "Did Fred enjoy his football game yes- terday ? " "You islet bee he did. This morning he oan't see with one "eye, and three ,of his ribs are broken." Rheumatism laid Paderwiski on his back, ,which gave the doctors a chance for an en- larged bill and caused the cancellation of 445,000 of an engagements. "Thio is the road 'Ms Cork, hi it nob? •asked a countryman of a Quaker he met?" e" Friend," was the reply, " fine) you tell me a lie, then ask a question." "Did you ever find a women's letter in • your husband's pocket ?" ." Yes, I found one of my own there the other day that I ,gave to him to mail a, week ago." Clerk -You mu call him up on that tele - „phone if you wish to talk to him. Stranger -How far is he from here? Clerk -About ten miles. Stranger -Well, I'd rather walk. Barber -You don't come very often. Customer -It takes too much time. Barber —I cut hair in ten minutes Customer - Tea, but it takes three week', for it to grow .enough to look respeetable 6galn. "1 hope Thomas keet s g ,od company while he is away at school,” bald the young man's mother. Well," mph d his father, comfortingly, "it ought to be good, it cer- tainly BOOB enough." Madge -Poor Mr. Bently was just taken home in a carriage -he lied a dreadful arhock. Arthur --What was it?, Madge - .His wife made an appointment to meet him at a (Jellaba hour, and she was there ,right on the minute. Every year a great many hero worship- • pers go to the house in which Carlyle was • born and try on the sage's old hat, which is preserved as a relic of interest,. Of the thousands of visitors in the past few years only 34 had heade lerge enough to fill the hat. And still among the 34 there was not • one Carlyle. Joseph Maynard, of Indianapolis, won his wife on the election of Cleveland. Papa MeFadden did not want Joseph for a son- in-law and in order to get rid of him put the girl up against $100. After the election .Mr. McFadden gave his consent to the wed- ding and also gave theen,$100. - •'Laadlady-N6, this reoth. has no fire'but the last gentleman always left his door -open and said it was well heated from the hall. Roona-Huriter-It won't it., then. I had ,Of friend who once owupied a room heated from the hall, and it was so hot he „got the brain fever. (But the land- • lady had fainted.) One of the hest ruses enaployecl by Tennyton to escape visitors is that pub- lished by the Boston Gazette recently. People used to wait for him for hours whose pertinacity irritated hire. He soon .came to understand then most of them were s itisfied with merelY looking at him as he walked in the garden, and he used this means to satisfy them. He became wiser still, however, a little later OD, and employed a servant do the walking. The latter was togged out in clothes similar to those worn by the poet, and was instructed to assume an expression as dreamy and as intellectual as he could. • Her Fourth liirthday. : Poor etty baby sister May, Ws sorry now for you, For, while I's. four great big years old, You's onlymst turned two. Now stand up on your tip-top toes, And don't you let it fall, I'll give you some of my dessert Although you are so small. The result of au investigation of about four years' duration, by E. W. Bowditoh, t0. E., of Boston, into the methods employed en carrying on public business in the vari- nue city departments has led tothe mapping out of a general plan for the reorganization of all the departments in question, and the placing of them under one management, which it is believed will make them of far ,greater efficacy as to the work to be per- formed, and producing greater economy in expenditures. Mr. Bowditoh figures out a possible yearly saving of $450,000. "No, I'm not saperstitious," 'said a citi- .zen in conversation, "bub my wife is. She • went out yesterday and forgot her parasol, so she came back and laid down her pocket- Imok to get her parasol, then went out and forgot the pookethook ; so back he canoe the second time and sat down." ''Aren't •• you going out?' I asked. "'Yes, -but if I went out the second time withont sitting .down to break the real Emelt I woeld have bad luck.' "She got up and went out, end I eaw that She had eat down one brand new silk hat that cost me eight dollars, and had ruined it. That wee not very good duck Lor me. The Servant -girls' Trust is one of the °Meat established. It is in the Polioeman. The Auntrianst conseme more tobacco than atiy other nationality or race on the globe, civilized or savage. . We a poor rule that won't work both ways, and you'll very seldom see a ked- , heeded horse Without finding a white Orlin, the Same neighborhood. , Wife -De you think this compleidon mask has made any difference in my bee t Htisbarid-I thought you looked better, julit as soon as you Pub it on. First Wife -Doe' your husibencl bet on the taws Second Wife -over i excepb When he Wins, But We queer lieW often he lies his pooket picked. Mrs, Poricery-Mrs. Fulksion is so horrt- ' bly velgar, yoii know. Mrs. Tithenecath- What niakes you think so? " She eayti 4 thank yott ' to her hervantn" Belied; from it sentimental young lady's letter ; " Lest night I me in a gondola on Vezdoe'e Grend Canal drinking it all in, and life never seemed BO full before." Beyley-WIty Aren't) you wearing an overcoat this cold day Brace -On my way here ib get meth a soaking I had to bake it off. Beyley-But it birOt raining. Brace -No -o -Itsoaked it myself. "Are there mealy men unemployed in this town?" " [don't koow." If you can Wait until toenerrow I'll tell you." How „telt you kuow to -morrow I ' " 'There's going to be a safe moved iato a three-story building on the prineipel street:" ee was a Connecticut girl who married a telegraph operator, 44 BO that when ma died it wouldn't cost anything to telegraph the news to her mu'le's folks in Ohio." Trivven--Dicer, 1 wish you would lend me $25. Dicer --This is an unreasonable time to try to borrow money. Trivvetee. How so? Dicer -The days are getting so short, and time is money, you know. "Have you seen Jones' Wife?" asked Mc- Ginnis of Gus De Smith. " Yes, I saw her a few days ago." "Is she pretty ?" "I don't like to express an opinion. All I know is that if it was a love niatch, it settled the question he my mind aboet love being blind." " I ano almost certain that Ethel and Algernon will marry one Of thew daya." "1 thought they were only friends." "They are in love." "What makes you think sol" e" They quarreled the other night and. bade meth other farewell for ever." The Bishop of London declares that no one person oan speak for the whole of meneenth London. He seys : "Society e.si inset Ls so very large, and so inuth giVO eti into sets, that no one person can pert et account of v,shat goes on in every "Is them anything going on in the neighborhood, ?" asked a transient visitor of the postmistress at Persimmonville. "1 really don't know," she replied. "People is puttini on style now, an' writin' to tath other in letters, tsteed usin' postal cards as they need to." • "My friends tell me that there is a magic spell about my writings," said the author, complacently, as the editor looked over some of his manuscript. " Yes, I guess there is, but I prefer Webster's style of orthography myeelt," replied the editors as he handed the manuscript back. • The Mexicans evidently are opposed to the praoticeof " cutting." During the recent cholera scare a Pueblo undertaker adver. tised that he would make a reduction in his funeral charges and give better services than any of his competitors. He was promptly arrested and sent to jail. The Empress of Russia's court dress, which is valued at £3,000, has only been worn on one occasion, viz., at the corona- tion of the present Emperor. It is covered with magnificent embroidery in real silver. The train alone cost £1,000, and. is to be preserved in the State Museum as an his- torical curiosity. Servant (pounding on door) -What ho within there 1 Awake, awake 1 Dime Museum Owner -What means this turmoil? Why at the midnight hours do you arouse me from my slumbers ? Servante-Peace, master, until you have heard the joyful news. • I have here a messenger boy who has never whistled "Taersera Boom-de-ay.W It is said that rose-colored veils are to be among the novelties for winter wear. There is some doubt as to the extent they will beautify the wearer. On a snapping cold day in winter, when one's nose is inclined to take on a rosy hue, possibly the imagine - CCM' could Jitney something prettier than the said nose aoreened by a veil which could only heighten the %treacly vivid color effect. Of the 25,000 children in the Edinburgh board schools during the past year only forty-seven, or teas than two per 1,000, were withdrawn at their parents' request from rehgious instruction. And ninety per cent. of those in the higher classes, Professor Mackinnon says could stand an exacting examination in Are leading events of Old and New Testament history and in the Shorter Catechises. , First boy -You ought to come to the con- cert our music teacher is pin' to give. Second boy -You goin' to be in? ",Yep. I'm one of the primmer donnas. We're goia' to give a cantata." " Wot's that ?" "Oh, Ws all about sunshine, and storms, and picnics, and harvesters and all sorts of country things. It's greA." "Do you sing all that ?" "N -o. I'm only in the first scene, Early Momin' on th' Farm.'" " liVot do you do?" " I crow." VOHS should be carefully selected. Do not buy one simply because It looks well on the shop girls who tries it on. The very coarse net ones are becomingeto very few persons, while the fine veils look well on the majority of women and add very greatly to the appearance of the wearer. When you wear a large hat see that your veil is large enough to nearly cover the brim of your bat, and not a little scant one that makes your hat look too large for your head. A pretty effect is obtained by • gathering the top of the veil in front so that it is full over the face. Done by Stealth. There are some deeds taken note of only by Him who marks the sparrow as it falls and traces the courses of the stars, done by the stealthy right hand that leta not the bit band read its doings, that transcend those heroic actions which win the praise and plaudits of multitudes. The principal in this particular bit of life.acting was a girl, shabbily dressed, hurrying home after her hard day's work. She looked tired and self-absorbed. A blind Meat was sitting by the wayside, silently offering his wares to the heedless crowds. She passed him as did the rest. When half a block beyond where he sat she fumbled in her pocket, turned and walked back. Looking down into his face she waited a moment, bat the blind eyes gave no sign. "Are you blind ?" "Yes, ma'am." "Well, take this for the dear Lord's sake." It was a silver dollar. Then she retraced her steps, thinking no ono had seen. It was a Cheerless night, but the very air seemed balmier for a lief tle. Ah, the bleseedness, , or her, of the Master's " Intionntoli 1 • Foes of Iteemorns Soientiets have diecovered that the mem, ory is stronger in summer than itt winter,. Among the worst foes of the memory ant too much food, too much physical exercise, and, strangely enough, Um much educatior. In time of trial nothing brings more co fort toa inan than en acquittal. • "1 hoer that yoe're engaged to i5 Dingbete. Let me congratulate you, d chap; She's one of a thousand." " better than that -Why, ehe'a one of it n- dred and fifty thoutiand." • Hello »' outhunted the mao Om Ohicagte as he stood before the W'itabiligton monument, "That's a pretty good eleVator shaft. When are you going to put tip the rest of the building?' Mies Sentiment -Were you ever aisap. pointed in love? Eligible w1dower-4w° and a half time*, Mine Sentiment -Two and a half times Eligihle ividowen-Yes ; I twiee married and once rejeeted, DYNAMITE AND DEATH, Chat with Paris Anarchists—What • they Say of the Explosion. A Visit to the tiorrible Scene -The Late Commoier Merv() aod vvorka-Eoir sirens drink Orchid Tea -410 Afthe Moves with, Married Wont=- t. Novelty in, tteggars. Num, Den HE last exploit, of the Anarchists is still the talk or the town, but I am bound to say that I see no signs any- where of the horror and nonsternation which, according to pessunis is, reigns throe ehout Paris. "Oh 1 it's herrn • ble tee frightful ! it's terrible . were -• the exclamations of the customers in the Boulevard cafes ; but as soon as the first eateries was over they resumed their cards or dominoes as if nothing had. happened. The fact is that the Parisiana are getting used to these explosions, and with their usual frivolity ignore the gravity of them. After all, anarchy is only one kind of revolution, and, as every Frenchman is more or less a revo- lutionist, public indignation in these oases is not 00 strong as it ought to be. The peciple may some day wake up to the reality of the situatiov, but for the moment they wenn reason for giving way to undue alarm. Still the question remains, where will these explosions end, and who ie responsible for them? Here every political party adopts the easy argument of ateribuling them to its adversaries. The Conservatives say it is the fault of the Republicans, the Repub- lic:ens say it is the fault of the Conserve. dyes, while the Redicals and Socialists wash •their hands in a similar fashion; short, everybody and. noboby are to blame. WHAT TUE "COMRADES" say. Under the circumstances the opinion of the Anarchists is particularly interesting. I have seen some of the "comrades." • They are all delighted and call the explosion "another step towards the emeinipation of the proletariat." One of them exclaimed "Ah,yes! you thought we were played out, but we have enough dynamite left to blow up all the capitalists and you will see a good deal more." Another held forth as follows: "Ali is going on nicely. Circum- stances have served our cause in an admire, ble manner. It is true thet,the bomb was not intended for the commissary of police, bait did good work all the same. The in telligence of the author of the explosion led him re the offices of the mining company; the intelligence of the oomb went further -it struck down those whose dirty work it is to support the ignoble band of capitalists who prey on us.' The third "comrade "said:"The polioe have got only what they &nerved, and it is a pity they did not get more. Clothed and fed by the capitalists it is only fair that they should risk their lives in their defence. It matters little whether it was a rniner from Commute or a ctompenion in Paris who ac- complished the deed • iu was good work done, and will find imitators, for every drop of our blood shed will be avenged. HOW THE BOMB WAS consent:Terme Another group of anarolaists whom I chatted with in one of their cafes told me that they were satisfied with the explosion, although they would have preferred it to have taken place in the offices of the Car - mann Company. According to them, the bomb would have exploded had it remained where it was found. " The bomb" the said, " must have been one of those we call reversible -that is to say, it explodes when placed upside down a few minutes after the operator has had time to escape. When found it must have been turned over again; that accounts for its non -explosion at the moment. On arriving an the corn- miseary's it must have been placed on the reverse side, hence the explosion. This fresh explosion," continued the speaker, " will show the bourgeoisie that if we have remained quiet during a certain length of time we are not yet disarmed. So long as there are beings who die from hunger by the side of those who die from indigestion the former vrill avenge themlelves by every- metute in their power." In conclusion I was informed (het seine of the Anarchists have formed a secret society which is called the V. D. R., that is to say, the "Vengeurs de Ravachol." ,SCENE OF THE EXPLOSION'. happened to be in the vicinity of the Rime des Bons Enfants at the time the explosion occurred, and speetitly hurried to the epot in company with numerous other persons attracted thither by the terrible report. Pushing my way through the crowd whitn t* had already sesebled round the wrecked police office, I gained the doom way end re:rambled over the debris than barred the enerance. M. Lose, the Chief of the police, arrived almost at the same time as myself, and he who has generally excellent command of his featne features turd Dale, as if with nausea, as he halted at the eatrance to the offise, hesitating to stride mutant the char: ed and mangled corpse of the wretched Beaux. When thin body ' was afterwards carried down- stairs, and had been seen by the immense crowd that was then massed outside, such a cry of execration went up as very dearly indicated vrhat shrift the Ansa:- thist might expect, who should at that moment' have got into the hands Of the people. Bat the inner room, which was .the office of the luckless Secretary of the commiseture, and whore evidently the ex- plosion had taken place, preeented an evert more terrible appearance. To no calamity mat the word devastation be more justly applied than to the offeet of a dynamite ex- plodes, and a scene of devastation it was that meb the eyes of those who ventured estrous the narrow strip of flooring that woe the only way of ingretis to this room, and tiae walla were stripped a everything that had covered or garnished them. " REAM 01',TORN, BURNED, CRUSHED OUT OF 811"g." All thice with whatever else the room kid contained of living men or itiert (halide was heaped up, ravaged, torn, burned, crushed ont of shape in a horrid wreck of splinters �f wood, fragments of masonry, rags of • clothes and furniture coveringe, ehrectio of paper, mangled. cOrpsee, fragments of huinatuty. The first corpse that vves reeog. razed here Wee that of the wretcheee Garin, the messenger of the Omelette Mines Com- pany. Mose to the corps! of Garin was that of Brigadier Fauinorin, which, when first distovered, was half covered with& heap of sthhieh. The most terrible of all Wan the body of the Secretary et the .Corniniastiry of Police, M. 'reenlist,. ely whom oa feW days ago I hail seen men Mattel* of besiness in that very Mom. M. Ychiasety was one of the pleariantest pollee tamale in the Paris Wee, a bright, aetive, courteette young Mare, wito 'had but moth* resmaed So commission in the F'renoli arMe to take this ill-fated poet, What ;omitted of him after the explosion had nothing human about it, It Wes as if he had bean at'iat'd to death by a band of furiee. nieerettne Altetneettse oueneems op ene -ezeie 'Thin As the eixth dynamite crime thet has taken place during the present year. The first ecourred op Vebruary 29th in frout of the mesion of the Princess de Sagan, in the Hue St. Dominique. On Much Ilth an ;attempt was mane to blow pp the house of M. Benoist, a judge of the Court of Appeal, who had passed sentence on some Anarchists a few months previously ; considerable damage was done, but there was no injury to life or limb. Next an attompt wee made to destroy the Lfebau Barracks, just behind the Hotel de Ville ; but here again there were no casualties, and the material damage was inconsiderable. On the 28th of March a house was com- pletely wrecked at the corner of the Rue de Clichy and the Rue de Bsrlin, when four persons were injured severely and about a dozen stightly. For ell them Ravachol Was responsible. He was arrested a few weeks Wen and the dynamite ware had almost passed away when the Cafe Vern whore he was arrested, was blown to pieces, Two men were mortally woemded, and four persons sustained serious injuries, but ulbirautely recovered. The perpetrator of this outrage is undetected, and the present crime leads to the belief that he is at large and in Paris. HERVE JOINS THE MAJORITY. It was enly last week that I mentioned the incident of Herve's having fallen foul of the press over the criticism bestowed upon his last wcnk, " 'Imamate." The ,tate ot excitement • into which he flew upon perusing some of these criticisms un- doubtedly accelerated the malady of asthma from which he was suffering with the result that he was found dead in his bed. Like all Frenchmen he was highly excitable, and ia addition seemed to imagine that the province of newspaper men was to laud up to the skies every production of his without preanining to =Weise it in any way except that of fulsome adulation. He ought to have known better, for he had lived in London, which is by no means an indifferent school for having the conceit knocked outof one. Herm was the creator of that style of entertainment known as the opera bouffe. He was author ot "Le Petit Faust," "Oen Creve," " Chilporic„' "Les Tuces," and numerous other productioesof a like nature, as well as of some comic songs with which, some few years back, the whole of Europe rang, the principal amon.g them being "Lo Gardeuse d'Ours,'' " Team Vous, Joseph and " C'est Dans le Nez Que Ca Me Chatouille." SHE WAS ENGLISH. The death of the Marquis Hervey de St Denys removes from Parisian society a elm lightful old personality, whose wisdomwas always aired in the least pedantic of fashion, and who possessed the rare faculty of being able to make the most abstruse subject amusing, by the way in which he treated it. His wite was the daughter of the famous Ward, the English groom, who eventually became Baron Ward in Italy, and the chosen adviser of many Princes of theItalian branch of the Bourbon family. Madame Hervey de SL Denys was one of the moat beautual women ot Paris, and one ot the bright particular stars in that peouliar coterie grandee dames of which the Dowager Duchesse de Luyinate the Vicomtesse de (kerma, and °there evader/Vim-ince, are not the lease distinguished members. She was onowdescribed as looking like the Virgin Mary, dressed in modern fasinonsiele attire. A lady who admired her very much, built.a house for her and made her a present of it a few years ago in Paris. ORCHID TEA TIIE FRENCHWOMAN'S FAVORITE TLYPLIii Frenchwomen have been drinking orchid tea for fifty years, and the consumption of this expensive delicacy has much increased of late. The orchid from which the tea is made is a member of one of the bandsowest and most expensive families which grows in • the forests of Bourbon and Mauritius. The decoction is easy. You just lay the leaves and stalks in cold water, about 15 grains to a teacap-more or less, according to taste - close the vessel tight and boil for ten min- utes. The tea may be sweetened. HE GOT TIRED OF menet= An abbe has lately f urnished the Catho- lics of his country with a sensation of the kind that Britiah elerice have too lavishly supplied their public with. M. l'Abbe was vicaare of a parish near Nantes, and notlong ago,, being tired of celibate loneliness, he eloped with a young married lady of the name of Mangin. The latter took with her, not only her little son, 3 years old -the in- jured father might perhaps have pardoned that -but bonds to the value ot $8,000. The police were set to work, and the truant pair were discovered at Tarbes, where they had been living under an assumed name, in all the felicity.' of a pseudo hooeymoon, making excursions daily to Lourdes, Pau, and other places in the Pyrenees. Doubt- less the priest found it a much more lively existence than his monotonous life in Nantes had been, and, in feat, the couple were so well pleased with Tarbes as a place of residence than they had test bought the goodwill of a deep with a view to going into business. When brought before the Commissioner of Police, M. PAbbe caused much merriment when questioned as to his means of livelihood by holding up five Portuguese bonds. But Madame Mangin protested that the bonds "payable to beater "for $8,000, were law- fully her ovon, and when informed that ehe must be placed in detention pending the validation or otherwise of her claim to their ownership, she went into hysterics, and declared she would commit suicide rather than submit to such a humiliation. A. NOVELTY E4 nEaGARS. There is a French beggar on one of th Paris bridges who has just started a new breastplate, with the following painted thereon. He evidently goes in for novelty: Have had -Children, 7; wives, 3 ; mothore- indaw, 3 ; battles and engagements, 6 ; total, 19. You stop and ask him Nine- te.en what?" His reply is certainly to the pint: " Nineteen °Jaime on your purse kind air." You separate yourself from itt franc, aucl go on your wan. Rev. Dr. Taylor, who !Melt:, retired from tit° pulpit of tbeBreadway Tabernacle in New York, appears to have been pretty well cared for by his loving congregation. It has increased the endowmetit life policy which WAS to be paid, so that Dr. Taylor will receive $50,000 in eash, and it has also voted to make him pad= emeritus with a salary of $5,000 a year. Impecunious debtors, living upon their wits, naturally become ingenious in the matt= of excuses. Such a Men, says an exchange, haVing been importuned for his rent till his patience was exhausted, buret out upon his troublesome landlbrd • "Now, you needn't press me ao. Why, I owe enough ih bhis town to buy all your sOld himeeti t" Sweet Young. Thing -And can retain yoa ever hived ? Abeent-Minded Lover - Of waren dearest. No girl that I've known has over doubted it yet, believe, datlingthati am the only girl that A'r lennsee kaaded en to the Eielplesit German. Prtheess. Victoria Louisa Adelaide Mande Char lotto was the mune bestoweti upon the talent deughter of the temper= end Empress of Germeny at lier reeett ehriaten- ing at Potedam. The very smell bit of euntanity, who is to go through life bur. bened with this name, wits held at the font by the Grand Duchess of Haden, The Emperor and Enapresa Pat surrounded by their six sons. The little Princess was borne in upon a cuelsion of cloth of ailver with a tram of the same material, The ceremony took place in the Jasper Gallery of the new palms, the upper end of which had been transformed into a chapel. An alter stood beneath a red velvet canopy adorned with the Prussian eagles. Upon h table was the golden font that was used in 1831 for the baptism of the baby's grand - either, the Emperor Frederick. Besides the Grand. Duchess of Baden, who held the imby, tlee sponsors who were personally present were the Grand Duke and Deolleas of Mecklenburg-Strelitz, the Dowger Grand Duchess of Mecklenburg - Schwerin and Prime Leopold of Bavaria. The Queen of England, the King of Den mark, the Queen Regent of Spain and the King and Queen of Wurtemburg were all represented by their Ambassadors. The ceremony was performed by Rev. Dr, Dryander, Superintent-General of the Premien Protestant Church, who after- wards preached a sermon. After the sermon the little Princess was laid in a richly embrodiered cradle, beside which the Empress sat while the company filed by he. Later in the day a banquet was held iu the new palace and the Emperor, in com- memoration of birth of a Princess, de- cided to pardon a number of female delin- quents who had incurred fines or imprison. went. About four hundred women in all parts of the Empire were pardoned tiumugh, this ant of clemency. sEuvsaTrs IN GERMANY. Voinve Got to Consult the Government Re- garding Each. You can't hire a servant girl in Berlin without going to the police, and even then you have to make out two statements. One of these is for your landlord and the other is for the police. They describe the girl just as a passport does, giving her age, size and the color of her eyes and hair. You have testate where she came from, and when sbe leaves you have to send in another statement saying she has gone. If you say she is a good girl and honest and the reverse is true, and she goes some- where else and shows herself to be a thief you are liable to be fined for giving her a false recommendation. This is the same with all sorts of servants, and a dishonest person cannot get a place here under false pretences, nor can a man here easily es- cape the payment of his debts. One of the curious institutions of the city is an intelli- gende office as it might be called, where records of passports are here, and where you can go and find out jut here any mon or woman is stopping. If John Smith, who swss you a bul, moves to saintlier pant of Berlin to escape you, yon have only to go to this office, and by paying a few cents you will get to report which will tell yea Just where he bas lived in the city and where you may find him at present. There is no thence for a man to escape or hide b,ere, for the argue eyes of the Government are always upon you. -.M Y. Press. IUD TO INSIST. neat irements of the Kitchen Queen. In Detroit households. The queenly creature sent by the intelli- gence office expressed herself as satisfied with $6 a week, with alternate evenings to herself and the privilege of utilizing the front parlor tor the reception of company. A look of ineffable calm pervaded her coca tenance. "There is one thing more," she pleasantly observed, "of which I imagine it is not necessary for me to speak. She cleared her snowy. throat. "-assume that your husband-" The lady of the house knit her brows anxiously. "-builds the fire in the morning." A sigh of relief escaped the lips of the mistress. "Olt, certainlyl"she cordially rejoined. indeed." TheYes, The queenly creauture expected as much as a matter of course. " What I am getting at," she continued, "is to insist that he must never use kero- sene oil to kindle with. I cannot tolerate such carelessness." Loftily then she murmured an an revoir and departed, promising to return foh duty ehe next day. -Detroit Tribune. A Plausible Story. • Lady -Why are you wandering around the country, I should like to know, instead of staviog at home and taking care of your family? Tramp -You see, mum, my wife had a very good servant girl -a regular jewel, mum. "That doesn't seem possibln" "There never was but one perfecb girl, and my wife had her, mum." " Mercy ! What a lucky woman 1" "Yes, mum, so my wife often said. But, yon see, mum, the gut didn'b like me." • "She didn't?' "No, mum. She said my wife would have to discharge her or me, to she die - charged me." Oh, I see. Here's some money."-kew York Weekly. A minister, who was generally able to keep his congregation wide awake, on one median -it was a sultry summer day - observed numbers of them asleep. He reedved to nip the evil practice in the bud. So taking a good survey of the scene before and around him'exclaimed: " I saw an advertieement last week for 500 sleepers for a e railroad. I think I could supply at least fifty, and reeommend them as good and eound 1" it is poetises, neeLitess to Say that the supply instantly vanished. raining, and Mrs. Goodwill wants to go home. I have no umbrella to lend her except my new $10 one. Can't you lend her yours? Unbind -Great Fiend 1 The only one I have has her husbands,ante an the handle. Football may become the nationel p.,aate, lout it will always have a strops flee= of arnCoienavisamaboutleseentib. okitee at his dlootorhi bill) -Good gradoue ! have I been as ill 10.7 all this, doctor? 1 wonder I'm alive !" Mud is said to have been thrown. et the hearse containing the remains of the lane ntra. Pigeon, of $bi SAi VAti On Army, by beets While the fun. ,'at l'It000r13101i WAS paste Ing the eihristian ,Broti/srs school at Ring, titers yesterday. "So the eareastie theatre manager seid your comic meta waft% quite as good rie Stratus', did he ?" 46 resthe idiot ! Why half of it I copied from Steam" operate tay aseit Meese Wynoltene itepenienee, n hat Is it," he xnukaxl, "that makes Met Werth the living I Is it emit( es room vim., and spending, or Kiving' Is it 1011111eps, gingerbread, horses and mate Having penmee to drop in all po ;sible BIOS Is it hustle as4get-'hero, the genius for tre.do And commercial combines, by which fortunes; are made/ .1 never tient that, Wm it luck or mishap r.cht,,„t a peewee ea ta out it fell into my lap 't bowlder of size has been rolled to the crown, Of a hill, loan start 10 and lot it roll dovim, If you sot t0 great trap and within my reach_ bring it No den bt can juum on the ,bait -plate ana, spring it. But the roamloa 1;eeps pressing what felloyir gets enught- Whose leg the trap shuts on -who le it that's bought Fin not sure, but at ode timts town I opine That the limbs that 1 see held so firmly are mine! "Mut I keep to the cud of the chapter, lE v, ()oder, This purposeless rola of idealized rounder ! It is really good gift that snatches away The moiives for labor and substitutes play The fellows that do things and are things attain Their lead with hard discipline seasoned, with, pain; Their characters grow by the sorb of 'endeavor That seizes on time as a elice of forever.. t begins jest a little to t through my head Why the grave Seer of tkalilee meant what he said To that opulent youth who disliked his advice And went off disooncerted to pause and think twice. If the spirit's the man, what in thunder's the • use oeindulging the senses with pains so proftree,. If the more you indulge them, the harder it is For the spirit to get what is lawfully bis? "Not the best behorsed drag can keep up very far With a tuppenny cart that is hitched to a star. Having fun with one's money's a good. thing - to do. But how about letting it have fun with you! Mine shall serve, not possess; and. unless I can keep My place soul end upward, on top of my heap. I vow that by way my defeat to acknowledge I'll dump the whole pile on. a 1VIethodist col. lege,' -Edward S. Martin, in December Seribner'e. latela's Comet. Ho ! all ye feitire sons ot men So prone to bluff and blunder, Who wa k the earth with trifling ken. And gaze with little wonder Into tbe starry vault by night Bestud like DIOADIM s bonnet! With eNe rything to catch the sight - And now comes Biela's comet. You've chained the lightning to your ears. The wind is used forpumeing, And both are very prone to 380e Which start your }start to thumping; And here a royal roustabout, A. reckless heavenly rover, Who promises to knockyou out, Aud tip your prospects over. And still it's possible thatinen With wand'ro s greed for plunder / May try to grasp its taiL and when They've pulled the vault asunder, They'll pickup stars and rainbow chips, And try, with dreadful malice, To steal the very paint which tips Aurors borealis, A bare suggestion let me make, And place its claims before you, Lest you be found by some mistake To let thiSCOM-OL o'er ou ; Have fire protection all complete, With double pressure on it, And if the thing dr- ps in your beak Put Mit the measley oomen nerve.: tIntde;to Matrimony. The right kind of ,candy ; the right kind. Of A e.areriesonsee ;kept handy; good dinners to serve; A. theatre party; the Jeweler's gold; A. mien blithe and hearty -a trifle too bold; The right kind of chatllng ; the right kind of The jteoklisee pat sifts laughing; the ardor in - With these littltrifles any man can Win love -if he' really the right kind of man. -Chicago PNews. S* ASEIFOR TERSEL', LAM (i A l'res. byterian triderit Who Was Too Sella. t ris by half. There wan, long ago, a divinity hall in Scotland, presided over by a most amiable and dignified pi ofewor. On certain days the sem= students epened the proceeed.- Inge. Otte morning a raw youth from a, re- mote regioLo performed tbie duty, and it was a memorable occaaton. None who were pre- sent eau forget how the venerable professor tnrned and gazed on the untutored Presby- terien lad, who prayed for him as follows : "Lord have mercy on our 'professor, for he is weak and me, rant. Strengthen his feeble hands, confirm iiiS tottering knees, and. grant that he may go out and in before us like the hwgcat Lenore the fiock."--Twenly- nee Tears 275 Si.. Andrews, Will Kill Consumption, The Norwegian cod is destined to kill consumption. It has always been known that its oil, when properly prepared, con- tains all the potent elements for rebuilding wetting tissues in the human body. The dn nifty hoe been to conserve the energies of the oil in its refining, and this has been accomplished by the manufacturers of "Miller's Emulsion of Cod Liver Oil." All who stiffer with lung troubles, and of course, all who are threatened with consumption, should take it. In big bottles, 50c. and $1, at all Drag Stores, • The Hatt. Customer (to waiter) -1 was at this res teturant one day last week and ordered an. oyster stew. • Waiter -Yee, air. Custerner-I came ba to -day to, see if it was ready yet,. The lightning's Tench Is scarcely more rapid than the lightning: like eaten of Nerviline in all kinds of pain. Is it neurgalia ? relief is certain and rapid. Toothache is cured as if by magic. Rheu- matism finds a master in a few applications of the powerful and re netrating Nerviline. In to word, pain, whether internal or external, finds a prompt antidote ill Nerviline. Give Nerviiine a tria,L Druggists and dealers everywhere sell it, and it costs only 25 cents a bottle. One Rat's Experience was !Enough. A certaita grocer in Baffsdo was overrun with rats. One day a barrel half full of molasses fell apart, or, at least, the bottom tell oat, and the molassea ran over the floor. le some nayone of the biggest rats in the i vic.nity got, nte the molasses., and, belling- gled and discouraged, was seen creeping laboriously away from the premises. Every rat disappeared at the same time, and not another oho, or any evidence of one, has e been seen about the place since. weedy Vegetable. leuteam's Painless Corn Extraotor is hurety vegetable in composition. Putnam'f tetre Extractor make° no sore spots; doe't lay a man up for to week. Betwixt) of .tOtti sibetitutes. By druggists. NVIiere to Place a dale. , In placing heavy weights op a &tor, Welts for instance, as a gate, it is ,often desired to know which is the beet titeition for ea,fety. Thee is easily dots:tanned. 'The floor boards will show the direction of the joitite, and the safe ihould be placed in MD% itt position thee it rents on the elide of tile idiots, so that, several a thetri support it. f f the Pant Were ,plabed against the middle of a 'wall' to which the' .jekitii nun pastille/. the weight would all rest on two, 0 at the most three joists, and at the Wendt place, ,.the centr0.--Cconadian ,Archilect and Ptoltier.