HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Goderich Signal-Star, 1969-04-17, Page 17sr
THE
BLUETHUMB
BY °G. mecL.EOD ROSS
3. The Ascenseur
No apology is offered for •
including the Elevator in this
series of character studies,
because this diarticular
• "ascenseur" possessed a great
deal more character than many
of the "verehrten Herrschaften"
encountered. But let us- get this
straight. When an elevator is.
mentioned one naturally thinks
of that impersonally, efficient
• gp1„ppafatus which lifts the just
''and the unjust many times a day
to their respective floors. Never*
a faulter. Press button 4 and you
will stop at the Fourth Floor;
come hell or high water. There is
no scope for the artist' in the
• manipulation of the elevators we
have come to know at home,
always excepting that one in
the
Here we have something of a
very different kidney. If you
have any doubts, you have only
to note the reverence with which
some of the oldest servants in
the „ establishment ofthis
pension, regard 1'ascenseur. To
start with,. its portals are
impressive. To enter it is to
perform the box within a box
trick. Some of its many doors
h are Hinged; others slide; one even
telescopes. Its inside is furnished
with most comfortable seats; in
fact their comfort is almost
ominous, as though a long, long
ride was contemplated. Truly a
ride in this elevator is a definite
trip.
Leaning luxuriously back on
our 'cushions' we can watch a
series of doors closed, one after
the other, in correct sequence
and a thrill of anticipation
courses through the expectant
,guests, on a par with a first
balloon ascent; the first 'heavier
than air flight at Kitty Hawk;
the first journey round the
moon. Now the Liftier turns to
his passengers with all the
suavity of .the acconiplished
magician. All stations are "GO"!
The doors are closed; the ascent
is about to begin. To which floor
do we first desire to make the
ascension? The bidding
completed, the Liftier turns
once more and faces a series of
•cornet -like stops. He presses one.
A buzzing as of swarms of pees
is succeeded by an ominous click
and the solemn ascent begins.
We are airborne! Slowly, very
slowly we. crawl upwards.
A click and a bang and the
stop marked '3' has shot out
• again. 'We are arrived'! The
Liftier bows to the radiant faces
of the. passageurs, so
comfortable, ensconced on their
cushions. Ile is about to slide; to
J
4
t.�
•
swing; to push aside the many
doors to permit access to the
troisien•}e etage. But even as his
hand touches the first knob, a.
look of sickening horror, comes
over his face. The elevator is
descending! .It has failed to
answer the call!
An atmosphere of imminent
tragedy prevades the interior of
the ascenseur. The comfort of
the cushions is • forgotten; in
exchange, the presence of the
unknown. And now only the
look of sympathetic resignation.
on the Liftier's face gives
courage to meisseurs et
mesdames les voyageurs.
Staring upwards through the
glass door of the ascenseur on
the parterre stands the guest
who has so recklessly "called"
the elevator before' it could
disgorge the load which bears so
r heavily upon its sumptuous
bos,o,m. Gradually this
recalcitrant guest sees the light
shining from the car as it
descends lower and lower. A
small crowd has collected on the
parterre perhaps to welcome the
visitors from Mars`? Each certain
in his own mind that the
ascenseur is opposite the portal
and, should now come to rest.
But no! It continues its stately
progress. The question flashes
through every mind: Is there a
basement'? Almost„
simultaneously the question is
answered with a resounding
bump. No.! There • is no
basement! The ascenseur has
come to rest at,least two,
feet.
below the parterre level. A ,.
muffled scream is heard from
the interior and those of us who
are on the safe level' of the
parterre can distinguish the
Liftier bravely fighting his way
through the many doors and
catches which prevent •his
hysterical complement from
escaping to the level they desired
to leave:
One by one they totter out.
It is all reminiscent of a colliery
disaster; the muttered .prayers
for a merciful delivery; the vows
that never ,again — never — will
they entrust themselves to the
mercies of the ascenseur. It is
thus that the "pas"sageurs" gasp
their way ,on to the firm ground
of the parterre.
A few hours later when I pass
the elevator door, it is still
submerged two feet and wears
the air 'of a man whose hat has
been crushed over his ears. In
blue chalk on paper, in the
flowing schrift which Fritz
affects is written: "DEFECT!"
It is enough!
* : *
It was some days before the
aro
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Holiday oit the
gentleman .from Zurich ,arrived,
to take the pulse alltd the
temperature, not to mention the
blood pressure, of our friend. By
dint of a hard day's work be
humored the ascenseur into a
working mood. Certainly I had
had my lesson. Here was no
ordinary elevator,, such as I
knew. Here was master not
servant. An ascent was an event!
On several occasions before
the arrival of the gentleman
from Zurich, to whose hypnotic
influence the ascenseur . alone
responded, t heard' Fritz, almost
gleefully, inform enquiring
guests that the ascenseur was
"Kaput." He said it in a loud,
boastful voice. I think he hoped
to shame the elevator into
action.
After several days of tedious
climbs to the Fourth Floor, I
was pleased to note that the
notice on the door of the
ascenseur had been lifted. Once
more the Liftier was in his
accustomed place beaming
invitingly to lure possible
customers. At first I noted that
almost all the voyageurs crossed
themselves as , they entered;
muttered prayers could be
heard. There followed ascensions
and descensions accomplished
without a hitch. Fritz himself
took me up in. what appeared to
me a spirit of bravado, because
he practically slammed the doors
and pushed instead of pressing
the stop- marked "4." I want it -
in the record that I warned him
very seriously that . if he
performed, in so light hearted a
manner, what' should be the
most solemn and reverent ritual
in the Pension, I would report
him to "Ing. A. Mazi'ini.
Milano,:' who, as witness the
brass plate on the wall was the
father . and mother of said
ascenseur.
Our ascension commenced
after a longer whirring of wheels
than usual. We reached and
passed the third floor- and I was
just congratulating myself on the
sweet temper of the elevator
under such gross provocation,
when my attention was drawn to
the fact that we had passed
Floor 4 arid 'were still proceeding
with our ascent up the shaft
which I happened to know
Obtruded above the roof of the
pension where an unpretentious
shelter. was •marked in.. large
letters for the, edification orf all
the world: "ASCENSEUR."'L
I was speculating on whether
we would shoot out on to the
roof and I conjured up a
ridiculous picture of 'ourselves,
sickly bending half in half out
of the shaft, with the
unpretentious little shelter
damaged beyond repair, when
we stripped dead. This was the
moment when' Fritz lost his
nerve. Widly flinging open the
doors, he gave forth such a flow
of imprecations that I felt sure
Ing. A. Manzini's ears must have
gone hot and cold. As for the
elevator, it -seemed to me merely
tempting Providence to speak at
such a time.
Very gradually it dawned
upon us that we were four feet
higher than we should have
been. The handle of the door at
.the 4th etage.. was out 'bf our
•
"Lo -Profile,
high
performance
•
reach, so we started to knock,
without result. Fritz tried OP
reassure me and through me,
himself, for it was clear he was
badly rattled. After 15 minutes
of hard pounding Agnes, the
Zimrnermadchen, heard our
appeal and realized ' our
predicament. After making
several futile. suggestions as to
how we- might extricate
ourselves, she was finally
propelled b'y the vehemence of
Fritz's language_ _screaming
"Lieber Gotts" all the way down
four flights of stairs to search fors
the key to the door. A, few
minutes later a rescue posse
consisting of Agnes, M. Le
Patron, his wife, her sister (' who
steeps the books) Boots,, and
several stray guests wanting • to
be in at the "kill," all arrived.
Opening the door; jeering up at
us; blinking like bats who have
been woken from their winter
sleep, they assisted us to,.
perform • the ':gymnastic
contortions necessary to squeeze
ourselves through to safety.
In the end I desisted from
informing. Ing. A. Maztinr.
Milano of what ,)sad occurred.
Fritz nearly wenn down on his
knees to me. But I warned him
most solemnly and 1 feel sure he
has learnt his Lesson. The
ascenseur had forced its prestige
on the last rebel in the entourage
of the Pension.
I was glad to.note a few days
later, when the elevator again
required a rest that there were
no more crude inuetidos
scrawled on its person such as:
4r.
'Continong'
`.`DEFECT" 'or "KAPUT."
Obviously Fritz had capitulated.
He was informing solicitous
enquirers that the ascenseur was
indippsed tp make the ascension
untit'•it had again consulted,witt
its bosom friend, the. gentleman
from Zurich.
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