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The Exeter Advocate, 1892-9-8, Page 7LAUGII AND L'EARN. WW1 Sensible Girb IiQ rna ehig the song of the Seusible -Not the Slimmer Girt -- No tlioSensible Girl. •%Yuen AeSii Wan Ave trunks she comes to the shore; 'She vee, overdressing lead form and a bore •On °Moment she's bent for bud' and mind: To outdoor bo she's wholly inefined, And only, len sure, the veriest churl Cau eesist the charms of the iiensible Girl. And 0, the etyle of the Seiteible Girl! Not the Summer Girl— No, the Sensible Girl. ,.She's as fresh and blithe as the ooean bee; She fears not the sun, not the waves wheu they seize And, enwrap ana embrace in their eddying swirl ; Tor that' e just the thing for the Sensible Girl. -And 0, the life of the Sensible Girl :Nob the Summer Girl— Ile, the Sensible Girl. She has spirit, reserve, and the shaft.; of her wit arransfix yet delight the one who is kit, .And " eznoys the day" with consummate art, .And as I watch the green breaeore curl sing of the joys of the Sensible Girl. , __- 1VIatee cheracter (Atm epeeists loudesb when his lips are silent One noblemen owns one -thirtieth of the .entire acreage of Scotia:ad. The Queen ot Portigel makes her own bonneta. It takes brains to be a queen now - days. There are trees at tile foot, of Mount diainier which are said to be 650 feeb in height. The experiment hae been suocieesfull y tried abreed of printing from movable typ e made ef glass. When a dog doesn't have hie day he simply turns night into day by barking till the next) morning Train wrote to the Detroit Tribune: ".Abuse me ell you want to, but for God's mke don't forget me." Saturdey was Tennyeon's 83rd birthday, and the great poet celebrated it quietly at his home at Aldworth, Sussex. "Prise fights must be eickenieg sights.' " They are • why even the hitrdened sec- onds often throw up sponges." The census of India, just completed, shows that country to have a population of 280,- 4100,000, a net gain of. 11 per cent over 1881. Here lies a man who never spent a red To advertise—a non-progresstve soul; Fie was identefied as main John Doe, And buried deep within this hole. The drop.a-copper-in-the-slot machines enable thowiande of reputabh3 persons to get a weigh with a ceut whenever they wish to. He—Were you never shot by Cupid's darts? She—Was I ? He got nine bulls - eyes ou me the first week last seasou at ZTantasket. Mrs. Frank Leslie has returned from her nuropean tour without her English husband, Willie Lazy Wilde. The climate of America ,doesn't suit him. "1 don't see how a woman can marry •man," remarked Miss Fifty. " there's leaner nothieg else to marry," re - ,plied Miss Flypp. A Warrington—The laboring men are going to get even with Carnegie. Pendennis— How ? Warrington—They are going to boycott his free libraries. Penelope—And he didn't kiss you when you ace plod him? Perdita—No. Penelope —Thanks, when he comes to me I'll know .enough not to accept him. Mr. Baggie—Confound that tailor! These 'trousers are a mile too long. Mrs. Baggie —How much shall I turn them up ? ' Mr. '13—argir-tA'Boiti - .ssee And Harold attended to the sealing at epees Iffies Neldheddie--These, new pillowe aro stuffed so full they're as herd as a rook, and I can't sleep. We had nice, soft pillow when we were poor. Mrs. McShoddie—rn mune. We couldn't afford so many feath- ers then. "Doctor," said the sufferer supinely as he dropped into the dentist's chair, hny nerve is completely gone." "Oh, no, it isn't!" was the cheerful reply. Wait till I get a firm hold, and you'll realize your uns• takeh.04' Tlargest man in Kentucky is Ross Skaggs, of Lawrence County, who weighs 521 pounds and is 0 feet 8 inches tell. His arms measure two feet in circumference and his thighs three feet. He is thirty-one years ot age. An Austrian cannot get a passport to leave the country even for a day without first obtaining the written consent of his wife. Between martial duties and marital duties an Austrian hasn't much chance to get into mischief. I guess you've got all the dust off rne there is to get," remarked the man in the drawing -room car to the porter who had been brushing his clothes."1 hope not," was the dark gentleman's reply, as he ex- tended his hand for a tip. A Normal School graduate who has been visiting New York, in writing to a friend of the sight( the had seen, :mid "Anthony Comstock was pointed out to me yesterday. He is the head of the Society for the Promulgation of Cruelty to Vice.' Middle-aged wom' en who oan remember whalebone as one ofthe commonest of household supplies, may be interested in the following item from the Dundee Courier : Whalebone to arrive has been sold recently for £3,000 (nearly $15,000) per ton. " Coel oomes to us," said the baron, as he signed a receipt whioh included the last monthly rise, a legacy from the car- boniferous age." "And the method of disposing of it," repliedthe purchaser, throwing away his pocketbook, " as a legacy from the carnivorous." Bereaved One—He was a dear, good man to me, heaven knows. He let me keep all the cash, never went out nights, let me talk to him for hours at a time without grumbling and—hoo-hoo 1—if ho did go on a grand old jamboree occasionally it was no more than a wife ought to expect. My bog. I have a dog His name is Tray, He likes to sleep The livelong day. He sloops through more And afternoon, Then all the night Barks at the moon. Perhaps he thinks • That this is fun, But I wish he Would take the sun, —earper's Young People. Don't let your front door steps be dirty or dusty. Keep your vestibule in spotless order, your bell knob brightly eleened, your mat well brushed and in proper place and the door iteelf well dusted. Recollect the entrance to your house is an index to the character of the people who inhabit it. Nothing will clean lamps, lamp chim- neys, looking.glasses and window panes like ammonia. In using it on colored cloth, first test it on a sample to see that it does not spot. When a stain is produced by lemon juice or any other acid, nothing is as effectual as ammonia in neutralizing and thus removing it. We hear so much about pauper labor in England, that it will surprise some people -cJrn that Great. Britain has 1,515 co - and the new styles do not trail. Whave labor societies, with 1,655,966 Mrs. Hicks—This gown is made-ark/mine -0P8ra , era Bee evee 99 170 of share capital, t am ,,e• . se q,11,429.,705 of I to do? Hicks—Um--You might take a, 01'4, 1° reef in your—er—suependers. reserve fund, ,and , eannual hil-Wess of e; A Western Coronerh $201,127,039. jury recently h - brought in a verdict of "died of a light Beecher never wrote „ <Het ' in the case of a girl whopoisoned her- eielf by eating a box of Matches. Minister—Jack my dear little boy, I hope you try every day to overcome some fault. -Jack—No, sir, mamma said I didn't have to. do any work at all during vacation. Mrs. Gazzam—Is there anything in the paper'dear? Grazzani—I see that Fosdick wantsa divorce. Mrs. Gazzam—From his wife? Gazzam—The paper doesn't say. Three factories in the United States con- sume nearly 2,000,000 eggs a year in making the pecaliar kind of paper used by photographers known as albumen pal, Some Naragansetb Pier bathing suits are described by a correspondent as being "next to nothing." That; however, is what beithiug suits are intended to be next to. " Can't I sell you that monkey, sir?" said the fancier. ' No, indeed,, you can't. !I' d give $10 not to have him.' "Thank you, kindly, sir. Where shall I send the bill ?" In ViOW of the impending cholera plague, • says the New York Sun, Dr. Darernberg ••saye to the Parisians : "Boil your ice 1" .Freezing does not kill the germs of con- tagion. " My 1" said Bessie, " it is awful hot. I wish 1 was a cake of ice." "Pooh 1" said ..Jamie, " if you were a cake of ice you .couldn't stand the heat half so well. You'd melt all up." Mamma—Aren't you good friends with that little girl any more ? Small Daughter —Yoshi). Mamma—Then why didn't you bow to her? Small Daughter—'0a,use I'm all dressed up. Father—So you had your collar bone and three ribs broli en playing football. I thought you had macs sense. Son—Well, whose fault was it ? I didn't want to go to -•eollege, did 1? Tommy—Can we piny at keeping a store In here, mamma? Mamma (who has a headache)—Certainly, but you must be very quiet. Tornmy—Well, we'll pretend we don't advertise. He—I thought it was the younger daugh- ter that was married? She—She was at the time, but she generously agreed to trade - ages with her sister. It was awfully good of her, wasn't it ? " Madam," said the boarder to the land- lady, "1 think it would be well to begin breakfaet at an earlier hour." "Why no ?'' "It, would give one a longer time to wrestle with the beefsteak." It is always the man's fault when a couple ,quarrel. There would never be a particle of trouble if men were only reasonable enough to humor women the same as they would infants and lunatics. " This is the first poem I ever wrote, sir,' said the caller, handing a manuscript to the editor. " Then Lcould not for a moment think of taking it from you," replied the generous editor, handing it back. " sappose your son brought home a dip- loma from college?" Farmer Clovertop--- Law, yes ; the whole top of his trunk it fall of their piehires, but I can't ever remember thorn actretheh' names. " Mchudie," he felterecl, after he had made hie trembling confession and the dear girl hed said yeee " shell—shall—are you going to—to tell anybody about it l" "How an I keep from telling it Harold ?" said the maiden, "14y lip .are not Mated." temporaneous addresses, Wren A shorthand reporter, read sswollellittee him at a desk and expect hitn'to ttire'ento first-class copy, night m ancl night otie,she would have wretchedly failed. The same way with Talmage; the same way with Phillips Brooks.—New York Recorder. Dolly—Have you heard how Sadie is get- ting along? Molly—She's better. She's taking seven different patent medicines. Dolly—Mercy on us ! And are they all doing her good? Molly—No ; only one is. Dolly—Then why doesn't she leave off the others? Molly—She's afraid to. She doesn't know which one it is. "You look exhausted, Sissers," said Cumso to his barber, as he took Ms seat. "Anything bad happened ?" "You noticed that man who went out as you came in?" "Yes." " Well, he took in shave, hair cut and shampoo, and through the entire operation he told inc stories about his smart baby. I couldn't get in in word." Mrs. Tamson—What 1 Mrs. M'Tavish, gauin' doon the water again? Mrs. WT.-- Ou,'ye see I've aye made it a pine tae gao far as Dunoon and get a bathe twice a year at least. Mrs. T.—I'm gauin' inland tae Campsie for the day. Mrs. M.T.—On, ay, Campsie's a' vera weel for fowk con- neckit wi' in clean trade. Your man's no' a miner like mine, ye see.—Dundee Weetly News. A correspondent of a London paper, quoting an assertion that "no man ever saw an old Weller, or a brother Cheeryble," says that the prototypes of those Brothers Cheeryble are dead. They were the Brothers Hollingworth, of Maidstone, dear friends of Dickens, and kind-hearted, gen- erous men, known the country round for great benevolence. John Hollingworth died in '88, and his brother Thomas sur- vived hire only a few months. Sir Lyon Playfair, M. P., for South Leeds on whom a peerage has been con- ferred, is 73 years of age, and one of the most learned men in England. He le a Sootchman, born in India. He has been married three times, and his present wife was Miss Russell, of Boston. He makes an American tour every year, is a Liberal in politics and an ardent advocate of free trade. The elevation of Sir Lyon to the peerage will leave the seat for South Leeds vacant. As Sir Lyon had in majority of 1,535, the Beat seems to be safe for the Liberals. The clever woman is always telling people the things they wane to hear, and &Iwo:: says the right thing at the right time. The clever woman knows how to talk as well as how to listen. The clever woman asks the old young man to give a sketch of his life, and tells the young old Meat that he has much to learn. The clever woman assures the married man that no one would suppose him to be the father of a ited whispets sweetly in the ear of the smooth -faced youth, "Why, they told me you Were married An animal breevery is the latest proeue. tion of the wild and woolly 'West. The statement is seriously told by a correspon- dont of in St. Louie paper that a cow gives beer instead of milk and is one �f the attractions of the Puyallup Valley, in the •State of Washington, about twelve Miles from TaDOnla. Puyallup is the hop -growing section a that State and the cow has cultivated a taste for hope. The prim of cows will go up amazingly if this proves true. There can be no edulteretion in the anima breweries. The Boston infane (pushing baele its( high chair and discarding gum rieg and rattle)— My dear parent e this thing must Stop. I am now 10 menthe old and quite competent to feel disgrace. I have met hectiel my father say : " Pass them biscuit, please." Is this not true? Tee .1301d011 :nether (plaintively)—Yes, dear, but— The B. 1. (flemly)—But me no buts. When you married a Chicago man, you com- mitted a deplorable error. It is me' longer endurable. I desire to be placed in charp of my maternal grandmother. The Tribune has a story about a piing man in Denver, Col.' ' who having doulet about the divinity of Christ, told his pastor that if Mr. Gladstone affirmed his belief in that doctrine he would accept. Accordingly a note was eent to Mr. Gladstone, and though it reached him in the midst of the election excitement, he found time to send the following in his own handwriting on a postal card : All I write, and all I think, and all I hope, is based upon the divinity of our Lord, the one central hope of our poor, wayward race.—W. E, GreinsToms." • After the pray. • I saw three summer girls return, Their conquests all completed ; I heard them adding up the hopes • And yearnings they'd defeated; sorrowed for the shamelese way The summer men were treated. Again, I saw three summer men, Back from their short vacation ; The tale they told of broken hearts Was quite a revelation; Yet somehow I could. not bewail The poor girls' tribulation. Why is it, asks the New York Sunday Herald, that so few men, in comparison, attend religious service? Men are as relig- ious as women. It is not religion that is in question, but the religious service. May it not be that the officers of religion are very often unmanly men The system of train- ing through which the strident of theology passes may tend to weaken the nobler and higher manly virtues. And there may con- sequently grow up a code of ethics among ministers and church members, too, which is inferior to that which obtains in a more wordly social life. Our theologioal semin- aries turn out many men who are versed in the shibboleth of a secb, and in out and dried methods of sermon preparation and possibly with ability to interpret the Scrip- tures, but do they turn out the highest type of manhood? The work of the church, too, heretofore has been adapted more to women than to men. The cause of this is appar- ent. Man is burdened with the work of life. He carries the heavy load of support. Upon man devolves the building up of the fortune of the family. He is of necessity in the deiperate struggle in which only the fittest survive. Women are more at home ; they have more time, and to this fact more than any other is due the adaptation of the work and worship te women Paris by Gaslight. "Ab night, at night, but, oh, wlaat a dif- ference in the morning," describes Paris better than any saying ever applied to it. As soon as the shade of evening begin to fall over this gay and wicked city, the bhousands of electric lights flash up in every street. In the Bois there are many, but the Champs Elysees, with one every fifty feet for its entire length on both sides, umkes the Bois and entire city, in fact, look dim. . Much has been written about the myriad amusements that Paris produces at night; of her several huge and magnificentpleasure gardens, theatres, mimic and dancing halls, her 11,000 or more cafes, her gambling par- lors and other pleasure resorts, but as the Queen of Sheba said : "The half has not yet been told me." On this night every one of them is in full blast, every light flashing its brightest, every woman looking hervery prettiest,. ' The streets of Paris are very wide. The "T. proprietors of the cafes need room. They '11 ',.'eeplet up little glass screens at each end of leigtetores. These screens reach out into e4esaeereet about ten feet. Tables and sanali ttiateAen puten the space thus fenced ' tif an aIaetik''.1ainigerlieare, electric lights ii, ease .lettiffetti*a wy,i3::,A pale, of good size. Sooh thirttithte,104)4' Xfiu.ncled by diamond -bedecked winrien. a eg.^ clothed in the latest style. Theyhs* *thaels14 !h and school—be an influence for gentle dozen kinds of drinks, lauhdt.&;o stren.gth, 'intelligent patience and wise, well, anything, everything. , le eounsel. Woman must nob become in Skulking around among the tables is seen etethr.centre committee or conven- e poorly -dressed man. His ragged coat and tion teaeeetaed is to lead us to the threadbare trousers are sadly out of place countrY of -thellVettene• She must pos. in this gay throng. He carrie8 a Bh"t seas her soul in quietnos el, W t she must avoid _ stick with a sharp iron point on the end. personalities and pushpriples to the Hse spies a cigar stub; one swift movement front. We have been asketehhim the and he pins it and slips it into the bag hung , convention, to give our opinion Oartain at his side. contraclictioas and controversies that 1).12.. At 10 o'clock the cafes begin to lose their up at Cincinnati; also to reply to personal crowds,for the theatres have opened. articled that have appeared in the prohle i There s one in every street, it seems. bition press. But we have laid down one The best is the Grand Opera House. It is rule and never once deviated from it in all probably the finest playhouse in the world. our public life, viz.: Not to attack or Among the dance gardens are the Moulin criticise women who are engaged in publics Rouge, jardin Mabille and Jardin de Paris. work, nor to reply, save in general terms, The orgies held in these plame are quite to any criticism or attack from them. If beyond the comprehension of the ordinary there is one spectacle more distasteful than American.---Aaanto. Constitution. another, ib is foroue woman to ace assurgeon ha the dissection of another. Ib is bad enough in men, but we have become inured to their pugilistic methods; it is totally unworthy of us. Men have been the fighters of the world and it is no wonder that their ways are transferred to what ought to be and some day will ha the peace- ful plains of politics. Be it cur.. to corae to them in this widest and most deeisive arena of human action, to bless and not to blight; to bring in in motherlya,nd siaterly influence, nob one of contention and ill -will. More than ever let us ponder oar well-worn motto: "Womanliness first—afterward, what you will."—Ex. POLITICAL PROHIBITION PARTY. Organizatioa Meeting Reid ia Toronto Yesterday, FrovIeional oilmen Elected-MeSebitloist Passed—Pledge Drawn VV. COMM GeOirellSe ell3e0treeteERS, SCRATCHES, or any WOUNHR 40.41.D'17.4T..) quickly Healed. Speedy Olitre OlaitglaliTEE100 TOVL use Agit by Nall geoptpt or price 2$ 'Coats, By 0. P. •SECeSWORT114 TORONTO, CAN. AGENTS Wanted leverywhere. TD8TDIONIALS. IN PIE A meeting of representative prohihition. Catastrophe that Overtook the kread of a iste was held in Toronto yesterday after - New Enunily. noon, having for its objeet the cleating of a scheme for the organizetion of a political prohibitien party and the Appointment of officers to carry the scheme into effect The movement whioh bus thus taleendefinite shape 18 one of the results of the convention of the Royal Templars of Temperance at Hamilton on .A.ugust 16th, The question of organizing a political party was dismissed at length, and a provincial committee ap- pointed to take the :natter in hand and go ahead with the work on the principles that might commend themselvee to the commit- tee as best. It was this committee whioh met yesterday afternoon. The chair was occupied by Rev. T. II. Oracle, of Mill - grove, and Mr. W. G. Fee acted. as Secre- tary. The Hamilton delegates present were W. W. Buchanan, Rev. J. W. Bell, W. Murray and I. J. Flit% and Rev. Mr. Brouthers, Burlington. After the meeting had again gone over the ground covered by last meeting and had discussed ome points pretty thoroughly, the following resolution wan unanimously passed: "Whereas, at a conferenee of advanced prohibitionists, held. in Hamilton on the 16th of August, resolutions were adopted affirming the necessity of organizing a distinct party, with prohibition as the issue, and the advisability of organizing local prohibition clubs with a view to political action on the lines indicated, and whereas a provisional committee was ap- pointed by the said conference to give effeot to the resolutions aforesaid • there- fore, be it resolved, that we the said com- mittee now proceed to outline a plan for local organization, and to frame a pledge on which such organizations may be based ; resolved further, that in the judgment of this committee it is not desirable to pro- vide any machinery beyond what is noises - may to effect local organizations until such time as a general convention can be held." It was then decided that branch associa- tions should be forined in every polling sub- division of every electoral district, and that the membership of these associations shell be of two classes: (1) active members, which shall compeise voters in any of the municipal, Provincial or Dominion elec- tions; (2) associate members, comprising all persons of 18 years of age or over, who are in sympathy with the objects of the association and who will subscribe to the declaration of principle and pledge. The pledge, which was drafted and ap- proved of, and which members will have te sign, hi as follows , solemnly promise that I will not give my vote or influence to any candi- date for Parliamentary honors whose party, is not distinctly pledged to the complete suppression of the liquor traffic, and I fur- ther promise to support the party making prohibition the supreme issue." The provisional officers were then elected as follows: W. W. Buchanan'Hamilton Chairman R. W. Dillon, M. A., No. 192 Spadina avenue'Toronto, Secretary; Jetties Thompson, No. 26 Walton street, Toronto, Treasurer. W. G. Fee, who had until this meeting been Secretary, resigned that posi- tion to accept that of Organizer. Women In Polities. One thing is certain—women are in. Primrose dames and Liberal Leagues across the water speak, sing, canvass, persuade and pray for the emcees of their candidates. Lady Henry Somerset has been addressing audiences of from five to tett thousand for Home Rule and Direct Veto all these June days. Women's Republican clubs and Frances Cleveland clubs are becoming the order of the day, while in the Prohibition and the People's party, women are dele- gates, officers and leaders. Having arrived upon the scene, what shall we do? just what we have so long done in home, church They had been wedded a week and this sweet day ehey were down by the see, where the billows beat musically upon the eilver sands and WI in rhythmic cadence upon the sentient shore, changing ever as it were a living thing, nays the Detroit Free Press. They had wandered away from the crowd in the earlier morning, but ale the hour approached when Neptune holds his reception to the bathera they iningled again with the throng and (shyly tried the wetness of the waters. She was so blushing, so timid, and he was so brave, se daring. He moil the waves face to face and breasted them and when she screamed as a breaker dashed upon him he said to her: "Tub, tut, Mamie !It is nothing." She leaned upon hia strong right arm, and clung to him fondly, as he took her out into the briny and boisterous surf, and she was no proud of him. Strong limbed and lithe and lissome, he was a Fatty° even in his bathing suit, and well might Mamie feel that George was a prize package. Once more they had essayed the billowy depths and George had made a mighty effort againet in wave to prevent himself and his fair bride from standing on their heads before in thousand eyes upon the beach. She screamed in merry glee, but when George came up °latching at himself and growing deadly pale she screamed in wild affright. "Oh, George George !" she cried.. " Sh I Sh !" he hissed through the seeth- ing salt water. She would have screameA for help, but he caught her. "Keep still," he whispered hoarsely, as a great wave engulfed them, and she kept still. "What is ib? Oh, George, what is it?" she moaned, as he dragged. Wmself along on the bottom with only Ws head visible. He steadied himself as beat he could. andleoked ab her dreamily for a moment. " Mamie," he murmured, "do you /eve me?' "Oh, George," sheeried, "more than life itself !" But she did not touck him, for siteewas fearful. "Well, dear, if you do," he said, "skip across the beach and. bring me a closed car- riage here. I've zipped my bathing snit up the back, and if I move six inches I'll fall out of it." And Mamie skipped. An Expensive Lamp Shade. Higgins, the street ear conductor, was on ,the night turn last week, and he did his sleeping in the (daytime. When he woke up from his much-needed rest one afternoon his industrious little wife brought out for his admiration a lampshade made of colored tissue paper. She hadmade it with her own pretty hands, and its scal- loped border was perforated with innumer- able little holes, through which the light of the parlor lamp would fall on the table. "Tell me if you think it is pretty," de- manded Mrs. Higgins, holding the shade out for her husband to inspect it. "Jt, looks lovely," began the man, but as his eyes fell on it more closely he turned pale, and said in a hoarse voice, "You made those holes with my be/1 punch." " Yes, dear, while you were asleep. But what makes you speak that way ?" ',eked the little woman, greatly alarmed at the sudden change that had come over the unfortunate Higgins. "Oh, nothing," he said, "only you've rung up enough fares on that lamp shade to use up a year's salary. Every one of those holes will coat me 5 cents, this* all." • And the uelmppy man groaned, —Ear - per's Magazine. Open Handed. Bella—Do you know, Bessie, Mr. Liberal gives one-half of his income every year to the) poor ? I don't think there could be a more generous matt. Bessie—Oh 1 yes, dear. If our Uncle Harry hadn't a thing in the world he'd give e.way every cent of it. Frank Haggard, thebrother of the famous novelist, has been rusticating in Manitoba during tire past year. He disclaims any fitness for literary work and doesn't like Canada. Josiah—Mandy, I've heerd of them city folke beipg greedy, bat this beats me. Mandy—What is it, ilobialA Joeiah—A little plain -dressed feller walked in on rung a bell and told 'em to give hint NeW York city, and reckon they did fur ha oaid all right. John Jacob Astor. He thus planted himself right in the way of the growth of New York, and reined to move until the people gave him an enormous ransom in rents or purchase money to get out of the road and let them build in city. That's what the Asters did to raise the wind and they did it effectually. They did not pioduce anything. They did not sweat their brows. That would be 'vulgar, you know. They simply erected a toll gate on the highway of the city's progress and quietly smoked and aSsiduously collected toll; and as the people had to use that road, in fact there was no other, they had to come down with the tribute. —Beaver, Pa., Daily Star. Black crepe is improved by being sprinkled wildi brandy and stretched over wooden rollers. .Tones—I caught a cold in the head going home last night. 13onee (wild had been " sit- ting up with a sick friend ")—I caught it in the neck When I got home. Undertaker—And what kind of trimming Will you have On the dolfin ? Widow— None whatever—a plain coffin. It was trimming that killed him. "What ?" 'd Yes ; delirium trimrnies. Wicke—By the way, what has become of Bjackson ? I haven't seen him for a good many years. Eticks—tjackson 'Why, don% you know? He went West, fifteen yeare ago to Make in name for himself. Wieks—A name for himself, eh? And did he make it ? Hieks—Oh, yea 1 IMOkS— Wh4t WAS it t Entitled to tine Rest. All are entitled. to the best that their money will buy, so every family should have, at once, a bottle of the best family remedy, Syrup of Figs, to cleanse the system when costive or bilious. For sale in 7513 bottles by ail leading druggists. Hard on. the Absent Flowery Young Clergyman (conducting a children's service while occupying a paipie for a brother clergyman en route to Europe)—Well, Andrea, lam very glad to he able to address you to -day. I'd a great deal rather talk to you children than to the older people—for I love children. Bat in- stead of talking to you I want to talk with you ; so when I ask any questions you may answer proraptly- Now, children, what have we to be thankful for to -day? Children—Flowers, birdie sunlight, church, school, homes. Young Clergyman—All very well, chil- dren, but whom do we mies to -day? Children (viva voce)—Mr. TwitehelL Young Clergyman—Quite right, childreo, quite right. We all miss Mr. Twitchell. Who can tell me where he is to -day? Children—On the ocean. Young Clergymen (poetically) — Yes, children, on the ocean and half seas over.— Yankee Blade. If you are troubled with hawking and spitting, dull headaches, losing sense of taste or smell, yea are afflicted with catarrh, and to prevent its development into consumption Nasal Balm ahould be used prompbly. There is not case of catarrh whichit willnoteure, and for cold in the head it gives immediate relief. Try it. Alt dealers. ,,Eteeterhaz rees., ISSUE NO 36. 1892. NOTE Ixi rePhhhint any 01 awe Art vertismento kindly mention titis paps MILGIN TYPEWRITER FREE. BOYS All and girls all want one, Partioulars free, 'BOOTETY et HONE, Port Duren, WOODSTOCK COLLEGE, Academie Ilepartment---NeXaster University, FOR BOYS AND YOUNG MEN. Prepares for martioulation hi .Arts,Law. Methhine. .A. thorough course in English. commercial work, science, mathematics and manuel training (which includes drawing, carpentry, turning, blacksmithing, machine work eta). Development of manly Christian chars:der stands first with us, $144.00 to $163.00 per year. Re -opens Sept. 61h. For calendar address, 3. L BATES, B. A, Principal, Woodstook, Ont. WESLEYAN LADIES' COLLEGE And Conservatory of Music, Hamilton, DM The 32nd Year will begin C*1%,T 3ED PlE`3E0b/LESEoP2 641-x. Over 380 graduates in literary course alone, a large and experienced faculty, University adiii cam, thorough instruction in Universitywork as well as preparatory, in Music, Arb, Elocin tion, Delsarte and Physical Culture, Bookkeep Ing. etc,; rational system of instruobion and diseipline, and. the social advantages of a city. Far terms address the Principal, A. WRNS, S. T. ID., LL. D. ALBERT COLLEGE, Belleville, Ont. Leads the colleges—enrollment 220. Largest number of martioulants of any college in Canada. WILL RE -OPEN TUESDAY, SEPT EMBER Rh, '92. For calendar address PRINCIPAL DYER, M. A., 13.00. 04,441),.....44.44-00••••4441 Going to - uy A Dictionary ? 4. 0 0 0 GET THE BEST. • • • • 4, • • Fully Abreast of the' Times. • A Choice Gift. ee A Grand Family ErlucaOr. • The Standard Authority. ' Successor of the authentic "Una-ee 4, bridged." Ten years spent in revising, 4, .100 editors employed, over $300,000 4, expended. tt SOLD BY ALL BOOKSELLERS. 4 Le not 'buy reprints of obsolete editions.* Send for free _pamphlet containing specimen *pages and FULL FARTIOULARS. • : G. &C. MERRIAM CO., Publishers, 4 Springfield, Mass., U. S. A. • elhieceeehe(eleeseme 4.000000004444 ATTENTION, agi:f3nCitiPcfre: an not an agent but would like to be one •, if you are oub of work; if you have a few hours to spas° each day; if you want to make money, send us your name and address and we wM send you our illustrated list free of cost. WILLIAM BRIGGS, 32 Temperance street, Toronto. DOMINION SILVER COMPANY HAVE BEEN INFORMED THAT certain parties, withoutproper authority, are using oar name and reputation to senora It is netip-taimpossiblecto give a dog or orders for goods of an inferior quality. The teatiMedicilsolf or powder, and er ov, Public aro notified that all our goods are stamped with our name so that the tmposition oam be detected at once. the only proP do' t? flux,•the medicine oronto, . with butter hzril tir CeaclY tmbElEa.uce, to. tune ag e We want several more pushing men to nob as ents. DOMINION SILVER COMPANY, ont .', and smear the mixture front upon their noses. They at once ing off this unnatural substance Wit& th tongues and in a few moments an , effectual dose of the most IIGUSCOGS compound eau be admtnistered. " WITS.—All Fits stopped !tree by Dr, latiforte's Great Nerve Restorer. No Fits after first day's IWO. Marvellous acres, Treadse and MOO trial bottle free to Fib 011808. Send to Dr. Nitne, 931.Axch Se, Philadelphia. Pa. New York's "Finest." Many New York Renee officials live in a style far beyond their visible income. The department of taxes shows that some own large eetates in the city. The police have a, regular blackmailing system, a prominent saloon -keeper being compelled to pay $25 every three months to the captain of the precinct for proteetion. He is also assessed $100 per year for Tammany fund, although he is a Republican. This affords another proof that our government is an oligarchy of rum-sellerm—reision Gertie—Papa, will our new mamma go mad after a while?" Bath- er—What a ques- tion! Why do you ask such it thing ? Gertie—Well, I heard her tell the cook yesterday that she got badly bitten when she married. you. 1111111NERMIN11111.1swernmeamocconasomprmseximorasems G detective Stories, 16 Com lac '411,ARN*,AliD BRO13, 36 McCall !Odes and 100 Popular Song_ '-‘4L °Mato. Ont tIll� II SAM Fr &Atte 12,000 Ofst.oad Fa trek, Diet al an Michigsm O ke (urea pena and Loon L, ee prices ranging from e2 to lee e sie bends are close to enterprisine churches, schools, ebc., and will be sol on favorable terms. Apply bo R. M. PIERCE, West Bay City. Or to .T. W. CURTIS, Whittemore. Midi Please mention this paper when writing CHEAP FARMS IN VIRGINIA !SUM OLIMATE, GOOD suatuurs And good land from $6 to 020 PER ACRE with improvements. Send for our circular. PYLE 8s DnHAVEN, Petersburg, Va. MILORIDA'S ADVANTAGES FOR SMALL investments. See Florida Real Rebate Sournal. Arreella, Fia, Saanple and map 10o., diver reARMS AND FARMING LANDS IN .2. central Michigan. Write for list and terms. VI • Foster, Gladwin, Mich. SOOTHING. CLEANSING, HEALING.. Instant Relief, Permanent Cure, Failure Impossible. Imlay co-caneci aiRencest etre simply symptoms of Catezelt, such se headache, tashig muse of smell, foul breath. limy/lug and spitting, general twang ,of debility, etc. KC von arm troubled with any et thotator kindred Symptoms, ran YLavo Catarrh, and should lost no time proCuring a. bridle Of NASAL DAraz Bo warned in time, negleCted cola iu head restate in en.larrip, followed by consumption Mad death, Sold by all -druggists, or teat, pest paid, en receipt cif pttlee (50 cents Mid Si) bt,addrtasit ULPOSIS 13. It:mkt:Mt .10 l" COITRE,or THICK NECK, I have a Positive, Speedy, Bum - less and alraosb inexpensive Cum. Como or write to inc at 28 Living 'stone Street, Cleveland, Ohio. It is no iodine Smear. Cure made Permanent. ifeenes eee 1,10.,,I,,C11r.,`bes‘41,tilulliv.ALTI.atiftle11410.F60101.3:.tao Seei h • cireeteists. s see qtsigat ,nt02