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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Exeter Advocate, 1892-8-18, Page 7LAUGH AND LEARN. plush a modesty is the pink a pro- 'Prietn• Every mall defineo cowardice in his own name as discretion. That barber is leoor indeed who doesn't wen hone his rezone Give your dogs and horses plenty of fresh water. Don't forget that. The only way to convince people that you know it allis to agree with them. A man is called a conOrnaed liar when nothing that he mys is confirme. Fruit may be cheap at this seasop, but the doctor never lowers his rates. A vast snow field in Iceland spreads over a space of about 0,000 square miles. Necessity knows no law, but it hart too -much =nee to practice in the courts. "He mended a spiritualist." " Does she make him a good wife ?" "Medium." There is no better way to further a cause than to induce some crank to oppom, it. "I'm making headway," as the goat re- marked while butting his way through the crown. The tailor-made girl doesn't wear a watch chain. She carries her watch in her coat pocket. When a woman "marries for a home'! alie gets a home, but the man she nmrries doesn't. There are four eingers in every quartette choir who think the other tbxee can't sings little bit. Bob (looking overthe fence)—Been fishinn Joe? Joe—yep. Bob—Get anything? Joe —A whippinn • Photographer—Pleaae look a little pleas- ant, mise; I know it's hard, but it's only for a moment: "Yes," said the old lady, "they've had •a dry season out there—they have had to •irritate the land. A man in love can do more thinking with- out thinking of anything at all than any- one else on earth. Conductor— Come, now, get aboard." Lady (frantically)-- How can ? Thecar behind is on my trail. the lark to -morrow morning keep shy of the =yellows this evening. There are people so close that you can never tell what is in them until you take a aea voyage with them. He—Will you marry me? She—Have you money enough to support a wife? He —Yes. if she's homely. A woman might as well propose; her hus- band never admits after marriage that he was the one who did it. Mr. •James Highland and Miss .Anna Fling were married in Marie County, Missouri, a few days ago. "The old maid," says an observant ex. cliange, "is always ready for the question." And she usually votes aye. A hatter has a bundle of old unpaid bills hung up in his shop, labelled "The reason • why I do not give credit." The summer girl has a great advantage over the summer man. There isn't so much depending on her suspenders. The surest way to gain the good opinion of a married woman is to audibly wonder ',Ay she didn't marry a prince. The tallest man living to -day is said to be Chang-tn.-Ling, the Chinese giant. His height is seven feet three inchea. • Now that the season of side -gate ffirta- tion has begun it is well to remember that too many cooks spoil the policeman. It's a satisfaction to know that a hat -pi isnot to become an iostrument of assassina- tion. A girl can be dressed to kill withoutit. Said Jack: "This sea breeze has one Tao% It makes my whiskers taste of salt." Said pretty who near him sat, "Yes,—doesn't it T noticed that." The boy who is allowed a small percentage • of his father's income for spending money will never be at the foot of the arithemetio class. To show that the flannel shirt isrespected it is only necessary to remark that it is handed down from sire to son after it is washed. He—You say your maid was in your bou- doir fixing your hair when the tire broke out? She—Yes. He—Where were you'at the time 7 • Father—Do you think that young maanof yours means business, Grace? Grace—I Mink he does. He said be had heard of you through Bradstreet's. "1 got a dreadful shock at that 'phone yesterday." "'Gnat was it—lightning ? " "No, DO—the telephone girl. She thought i was the office boy 1" Her Mother—Genevieve, didn't Mr. Tompkins kiss you last night in the vesti- bule? Genevieve (sadly)—No, wamnut, but I gave him every opportunity to. Yeast—How is your friend Cravin ? Crimsonback—He's not •able to get out, "You surprise me. Has bebeen sick long?" " He's not sick. He's in prison." The chief of a tribe of Indians goes by the name of The-man-who.runen nvo-fast-as- to-leave-theind-behind-him. neane like that would certainly look well on a visiting card. • Weary Watkins --Still workin' the 'fits racket? Insmen Dawson—Everywhere but Chicago. The las' tizneI tried it there h' crowd set down on me and' pick't my pocket far 80 cents. Young man, if you want to be up with Husband—I wish you would take this coat of mine and split ib up the back. Wife—What do you went me to do that for? Ilusband—I went to wear it in the office. Editor-in-Chief—What has happened to make you mop your forehead and perspire so? Subordinate -1 am all worked up writing a column artMle on " Innivr tct Keep Cool." Mrs. Con Fiding—These are my new diamonds, Bridget.. They are blue and of the firet water. Bridget La.underry— Shure, mum, who ever heard of, blue in the fleet water. • Rescuer --Mist Properleigh, give me your band. Drowning maiden (preparing to eink for the third time—Ole Mn Manley 1 this is so sudden 1 so'utiexpected !You will have to ask mamma. Cholly Sniffers (out with Dolly Dimple)— Pardon me for bowing to that shabby old oodgen but I feel obliged to do it. Dolly— Who is he, Chenn ? Me1lne-16 is the head of our firm. Abotit the chance e of death in wan aware - fully deducted calculation at the battle of Solferino shows that 700 bullets Were ex- . vended for every men wounded) and 4,200 for eaoh man killed Bad luck—" Pm the most unfortunete man ita the world," said Binks. "Why, I found five theatre tickets in the street this morning and every elm of 'em wan for last eight's perforMancia" And while I at length debate and beat the ebintlehshal etep in other men and catch the birds." M. Grintley,-,Our iceman le very Strong,. meried 500 peunde a lee from the letreet to -day clear into our cellar, limn tleit wonderful? Mr. Griniley—No not if he weighed the ice himself. Solemn Party—My young frieota, is youe cellecience ever awakened to the cell of duty? Torn Bigbee—I should Fiay o! Why, I've been to make a party -call 9n Miss Norris this very evening! Men are eo peouliar that as a rule iniO1 tellhis wife the most tvhen she asks him the least ()amnions. A turtle will keep its head in u it is poked and bothered, and a man is a great deal like a turtle. Young De 13inks---" You saw that lady-- ust passed us—well, young Smithers has kept upa flirtation with her for a ramath." The Major—% Do tell me all abqut it, that's a good fellow! She's my wife." The spacious banqueting hall at Osborne House hat been (lacerated by Oriental artiste at a cost to her Majesty of $25,000. It was used for the first time upon the oc- casion of Emperor Willian's visit. What housekeepers want is a cook book thatgives recipes for dishes that do not require aix dozen eggs, five berrels of flour, the milk of one cow for a month, and a couple of hundred pounds of sugar. "Doctor, what ie the meaning of the peculiar formation just back of baby's ear ?" "Combativeness, perhaps." "Why, some one said it was love of domestic life," "Oh, well it's all one and the same thing * , • " Miss de Trop had on the longest gloves last night that I ever saw. She buttoned thein from her wrist to her elbow." "That's nothing. "My girl buttons hers all the way from home to the theatre." Husband—I think young Mae Frettyface was green with envy when you came in with your new bonnet. on. Mrs. Illhumor— Hateful thing. She just did that because she knows that green is becoming to her. A disinfectant which combines cheapness with general worth is foundin perman- ganate of potash. One ounce will make a bucketful of disinfectant. It is a crystal, and can be kept in this state until ready for Gee. A Welsh woman has nearly reformed her husband by persuading him Into using bot- tles of whiskey as weights for the clook. The oftener he •drinks the slower the clock goes and the longer he has to wait for his meals. "Pc," said Johnny, "what is a pro- moter ? " "My son," said the father, who had recently met a gentlemanly promoter of a wildcat mine, "a promoter is a man who promotes his own fortune by getting yours." Employer—Rastue, how did you ever • happen to marry such a virago as that croes- eyea wife of yours? Coachman (signing heavily)—Couldn't .he'p it, Mistah Floyd. She jes' keep agonizen an' agonizin' nae, an' 1 guy in. The steamship Dubbledam, from Amster- dam, was released from quarantine yester- day. When Baked wbat he thought of the vexatious delay, the Dubbledands captain simply pointed to her name.—New York Recorder. A teacher of natural philosophy once asked the bright boy of the class how many kinds of force there were,. and was astonished to receive the followmg reply: "Three, ma'am. Mental force, physical force and police force." "Do you pretend to have as good a judgment as I have ?" exclaimed an en- raged wife to her husband. " Well, no," he replied slowly, "our choice of partners for life shows that my judgment is not to be compared with yours.' Chromatopseudopsis is the medical term for color blindness, and statistics show that men are =eh more chromatopseutioptically inclined than women. A man invariably succumbs to hopeless chromatopseuclopti- tude when he tries to match a ribbon. Summer resort girls are as much given to a multiplicity of skirts as a dancer. Their latest ball -room fad is to wear three plain tulle skirts, each of a different color, over one another. The aim is to produce the changeable effect seen in the latest silks. AGAINST THE TIDE. The tide was with him, as he rowed, Those seven plump young girls, All talk and giggle, laugh and song, Red pouting lips and curls; Ok how they did admire his stroke, He pulled with such a vim; Not e en the Yale or Harvard. orewa Would dare compete with him But coming back against the tide He hadn't sucha " cinch." He pulled and pulled and pullecl and pulled, And couldn't gain an inch. His face grew red, his muscles cracked He in a faint fell down, . And then those seven girls took hold And rowed him back to town! An Atchison man had been writing his Wife for weeks that he was lonesome and sick, but she would not come home, so last week hertried the plan of giving a party and writing her the next day of what a good time Toe had. She took the next train home. Somebody says: You may make horn= enchantingly beautiful ; hang them with pictures, have them clean, airy and con- veuient, but if the stomach is fed with sour bread and burned meats, it will raise such rebellion that the eyes will see no beauty anywhere. "We've got the biggest moequitnes in the country," said the bummer board pro- prietor, confidentially. "Isn't that a dis- advantage?" inquired the guest, timidly. "Not -by a good deal. When one comes at you, you bit it with a club, and that's all there is to it." ' Sam Small has reached that stage in his Congressional canvass which necessitates carding the Atlantionewapapers. He posts a certain statement as "a total, graceless, and malicious mierepresentetion," and the author thereof as "a cowardly lout who is beneath the distinction of a drubbing or the contempt of a "kicking." The Rev. Samuel is a post -graduate in the art of poli- tical black guardism. In. a certain cemetery, which shall be nameleee, there is a gravestone vrith this inecoption "Mr. Charles Rest will re- pose here; at present he is alive and carry- ing on the shoemaking ,business at hit well- knewn store, northwest corner of Breezy and Puff streets." little boy in Lewiston, Maine, recently went to church with his mamma one Sun- day mornbig. The little man was all atten- tion while the collection plate was being passed, and once he cried out in a loud Voice: "Oh, mamma, Mr. Jones didn't punnuything in 1" Parisian women have a dainty fashion of ce.tohing up the centre Edam of their long thirte ludf a yard from the hem and secum ing it a few inches below the waist with a fancy pin, thus reducing it to a very Benin- ble walking skirt and showing a bit of lace - frilled petticoat besides. The death of a New York electrician from nervous apoplexy la eported. He brought= on the donee= by testing the strength of weak cements by placing his Mligue to the wire, a wreak(' said to be cbramon, NOW inventions are constantly peodueiton new riflemen t The "electrical tkrigne " lolloWs (nom upon the disogvery o the " telephote ear." • A glass af lemonade may be made the Most attractive warm weather bemeage glance:wank,. a 1.t. 31.6 properly ilerved. When shaved •ice cannot in obtained, a bowl Of crashed ice nem take its place, and this, aside trona the ice which cools ehe drink, is placed in the glasses as they are filled. Principal of Grammar School—William Flint, stand up ! What are you laughing at? William—I—I don't like to tell, Mr. Luskinson. Prinoipal—I insist in knowing. William—I was laughing at Ben Parrott. He whispered to me that he saw you knit- ing Miss Boomseven on the stairway 'fore school took up. Harry wanted to give Lucy a birthday present, but °couldn't make up his mind What it should be; so the next time he called he frankly told hoe the difficulty under which he was laboring. "Want to make me a present, Harry ?" exclaimed Lucy in well counterfeited astonishment. "Why, Harry, you forgot yourself 1" Harry took the hint and offered himself on the spot. The insignificance of men in his own home is illustrated by a remark reoently made to Mr. Beerbohm Tree by his little daughter. She was teasing him to buy her a pony. He declared that he could not afford such luxuries. But the child was a match for him. "Then, papa, why don't you play a little better and make more money ?" asked the dear little innocent. And Mr. Beerbohm Tree says he is going to get her that pony if he has to work eight hours a day for it. The " Golden Rotel" the rarest of Euro- peen decorations," is the Pope's prize for the best, the most religious and the most virtuous Queen. It was recently beatowed upon Rueen Amelia, of Portugal. In a Paris paper it is thus described "Upon a tall triangular mole there stands a sort of chalice with the Pontifical arms engraved upon it, and from this there emerges a cluster of golden roses one of which, larger and in fuller bloom then the others, spark. les with dewdrops, all of diamonds. In the heart of this rose there is a little cachette, a valve into which the baltn and perfumes are introduced at the moment of the bene- diction." A " heckler " at a politica' 1, meeting in Scotland once asked Sir Lyon Playfair a question in politioal economy which could not be readily answered so as to be under- atood by the audience. The candidate avoided the difficulty by telling the follow- ing story : "A negro preacher was bold- ing forth to his congregation, and during his recital he said that the first man was made of red clay and was stuck on a stake to dry. Up jumped one of the listeners, and said '1 say, brother, who drove in that ere stake?' The preacher replied: Now brudder, if you ax them kind of ques- tions you'll bust this ere meeting.'" SONG OP THE MERRY-GO-ROUND. Did you ever ride on the merry-go-round My eyes! how it flies : Elephants, tigers, giraffes, kangaroos, creatures to frighten the bluest of blues, Round and round To the sound Of the latestin music, or oldest, one goes, With heart in mouth, but in most fetching pose. We catch the breeze As the organs wheeze And so our joy of the merry-go-round, The merry -go, merry -go, merry-go-round. There's life and sport on the merry-go-round, Great Scott 1 like a shot We spin about and it's oh, what a lark Riding on animals unknown to Noah's ark While still there floats From the brazen, throats "Maggie" and ` Annie " and " Mary " and ohn,' Whose musical woes help the merriment on. And, dear ‘iris, How it swirls! And so we sail on the merry-go-round, The merry -go, merry -go, merry-go-round. It is said by scientists to be a fact that all our senses do not slumbersimultaneously, but that they fall into a happy state of an - sensibility one after another. The eyelids take the lead and obscure sight; the sense of bide is the next to lose its susceptibility, then follow smelling, hearing and. touch; the last named being the lightest sleeper and most easily arouse?. It isourious that, although the sense of smell is one of the first to slutnber, it is the last to wake. Hearing, after touch, seemed regains con- sciousness. Certain musclea and parts of the body begin to sleep before others. Com. mencing with the feet, the slumberous influence works its way gradually upward to the centre of nervous action. This will explain the necessity of having the feet comfortably warm before sound sleep is possible. TO HELP THE Deeninle Curling Ton= and Other 113e/tells New)), Invented. This year comes an inventor with a gat. Iron kept at even temperature by an elec. brio current. Another man produces a de- vice to hold a nutmeg %garnet tne grater and still allow it to elide freelyup and down a pole. No more torn fingers and waste nutmegs in the moon Widen requires cocol. ing drinks when the temperature is the hot- test. A third offers a combined dust -pan and broom which gathers up the dust with- out bending ever. No more aching backs if this man can help it, A fourth produces an Me shave which shaves arid collects the ice without moving the block, in order to render the journey to the refrigerator less a nightmare. Still another preseutn an auto- matic indicator to register the bight of the oil in filling the lamp. No more running over of oil and soiled sides and fingers, with this man by. Nor are women's vanities forgotten, for here isan asbestos pocket tube for alcohol, with the necessary Academie for the curling iron's support, email enough for a corner in the travelling, bag, and crimps at any time of the day and night. - 2f. Y. Sun. The Tall Fain. Industrial Exposfn..Toronto Sept. 1-17 Midland Central....Ringston - Sept. 1-5 Montreal Exposition.Montreal,Que . Sept. 15-23 Western London Sept. 15-24 Lincoln Union St. Catharines.Sept. 19-21 Central.. - — —. Guelph . . ... .Sept. 21-22 Ont. and • DurhamWhitby.... ....Sept. 20-22 South Lanark.... Perth.... . ..... Sept. 20-22 Culross • Teeswater.....SSeepptt.. 21-2211 Paisley Centre Bruce Dundas.. . Dundas .... ....Sept. 21-22 North Simeoe........Stayner .. Sept. 21-23 Central Canada Ottawa Sep 22-0c 1 North Bruce Port Elgin ....Sept. 22-23 St. Vincent. Meaford Sept. 22-23 Palmerston Hort. - .PalmerstonSept. 26-27 Malahide & Yarm'h..Aylmer.,.. sSeepnb.268 t. 26:228 Barrie Barrie Barton . ..... -James' Park Sept. 27-28 Northern -Ailsa Craig. -.Sept. 27-28 North York Newmarket. -.Sept. 26-28 North Ontario Uxbridge.... .. Sept. 27-28 Mitchell Mitchell.... ...Sept. 27-28 S. Oxford Union-. Tilsonburg Sept. 27-28 South Grey.... . .. .DurhamSept, 27-28 Mornington Milverton Sopt. 27-28 Peel Connty.... .... Brampton.... -Sept. 27-28 Central • Walker'sFallsSept. 27-28 • Lindsay Central....Lindsay Sept. 27-29 Northern . Walkerton.....Sept. 27-30 Peterboro' Central-Peterboro' Sept. 27-29 North 3 anark Almonte. ..Sept. 27-29 Great Northern Collin gwood:. ... Sept. 27-30 South Perth St. Mary's Sept. 27-28 North Oxford Woodstock... .. Sept. 28-29 Northwestern Goderieh Sept. 28-30 Aucaster Ancaster Sept. 29-30 North Perth........Stratford Sept. 29-30 Welland Welland... ....Sept. 29-30 • .. . „Orillia.. . Sept. 29-30 Wilmot •New Hamburg.Sept. 29-30 Muskoka Dist Braoebridge ....Sept. 29-30 W.Northumberland.Cobourg Oct. 4-5 Haldimand ' Oct. 4-5 North BrantParis Oct. 4-5 Euphrasia Rocklyn ........ Oct. 4 Dufferin Centre . Shelburne Oct. 4,5 N. and W. Oxiord..Ingersoll Oot. 4-5 South Huron Seaforth Oct. 4-5 West Williams Parkhill Oct. 4-5 Cookstown Cookstown Oct. 4,5 Bast Durham..., ..Millbrook.... Oct. 4,5 West Kent Chatham Oct. 4-6 Leamington...... _Leamington.. Oct. 5-7 East York.. , .. . .. Markham Oct. 5-7 Huron Central Clinton - --------Oct. Oct. 6-7 East Huron Brussels........Oct, 6-7 • Milton.. , Milton , Oct. 6-7 South Waterloo - . Galt Oct. 6-7 Cent. Wellington .. Elera Oet. Monek. .„WellanclportOct. 7-8 Rockton worldnF.Rockton.... , Oct. 11-12 Toronto T'p Cooksville —Oct. 14 Norfolk Union. ... Simeoe. ... 17-19 W.York & V'ugh'n.Woodbridge ....Oct. 12-19 A bottle of sweet oil is an absolute ne- tweedy in the household. Few women know of the many =es to whion it may be put. Sweet oil cleans bronzes ; after being carefully rubbed oh they ahould be polished with chamois skin. Do your shoes squeak? Then rub them with sweet oil. Sweet oil wilt cleah Britannia metal mb it well with a flannel cloth and then wash off in warm suda. For sunburn aweet oil and lime- water—two parts oil to one pert of lime- water—will be fcnincl very efficacious. ren remove warts apply frequently =met oil and cinnemOn, Which will, in time, cause thorn to dieappear. In laying knives away apply a little sweet oil on very lightly, and *tap them in tissue paper - the! will prevent their resting. For inliamniatory rheumatism dissolve in a pint of sweet ot one ounce a putverizect ta tpetre, and thoroughly rub the parts affMted, APPLICATIONS „THOROUGHLY, REMOVES DANDRUFF The Silence of the 1Plalus. (From "Tho Great Plains of Canada," in the, August Century.) We speak of darkness which can be felt. Similarly we may epea.li of silence which can be heard and this is another impressive ele- ment of an experience of the plains. On the sea, except in calm, and in the forest and among the places of human habitation,there is always ;sound, even at night' but on the treeless plains, in the midstof normal • activity, there is silence as of the grave. Even a hurricane is comparatively inaudi- ble, for there are no waters to dash, no forests to roar, no • surfaces to resound, while the short grasses give forth no ner- ceptible rustle ; and there is something awful in the titanic rush of contending • natural forces which you can feel, but can- not see or hear. The wind may sweep away your breath on a current of sixty miles an hour'and the clouds may rush through the sky as in a tor- nado, but no sounds confound the ear. A winter blizzard, which carries on its frigid breath destruction to life which binds the eyes, andwinoh drives the particles of Me and snow with cutting force againat the frozen cheek and through all but the heaviest fur clothing, is comparative Mandible, and the traveler appears to himself to struggle vainly with an implacle, ghostly force which fills the whole creation. When, also, nature is undisturbed in tranquil summer mood, and the sky isislue and flecked with fleecy clouds floating far aloft, aU sound seems to have died out of the world, and a xnantleof silence enfolds everything. Partaking at the predominant natural sentiment, man be- comes silent also; he ceases to talk to his mates and becomes moody and taciturn. The merry song of the voyager, re-echoing between wooded shores, the shout, the jok of the cheeriul traveler here are stilled— stifled you might almost say—by the im- measurable muffle of silence. Here are no woods to give back the answering shout, and the orack of the rifle is insignificant. The cry of the passing wild -fowl in the darkness as you lie awake in your tent at midnight, comes to you with a weird, faint, far -away sound as if heard in a dream, and even the rare thunder breaks impotently on the con- tinent of silence. If a comrade is lost, and you wish to make some sign to direct Minto the camp, no noise whichyou can make with voice or firearms will be of any avail, for such noises will penetrate only a few rods at farthest. By day the only resource is a flag offeerne eleeation or a smoke of burning grass ; by night rockets must be sent up as at sea, or, if these have not been provided, fire -brands from the camp -fire may be thrown up with some hope of success. No one can know, until he has experienced it, the longing which takes possession of one who has been for weeks practically sap - &rated from speaking men, once more to hear the sounds of common life the roar of the city streets, the sound of bah, and even the crowing of the cock in the early dawn. D. L. CAVION. lemma Trevellelr Mammy Amin e. T • 21, SW: AnO•laattfo9 la 8;99400111exicrem clean. druil –42 sotaini19 Asenotlfne,in pi emotes a OW ce911cat199e Ek9t OM Otatemairreuevaill alma*, memo Meetwadim bat irtepied GUARANTEE') pazgitn=t442".""a"a" LOVE ON THE REBOUND. A Little Story of Woe, Bliss and Mild' Revenge. One of the recently announced engage- ments in said to be the direct outcome of "love on the rebound." The story goes that, three months ago, the fiance in quo - Cori propond to and was pacer:tea by one of Boston's fairest daughters of whom he had long been enamored, and who had openly encouraged him. Disheartened by the failure of his hopes he immediately set fail for Europe—that Mecca of unfortunate suitors. Four days out, however, he began "to take notice," and was duly attracted by the bright eyes and golden hair of his vis -a -vie at table. Her friendly overtures fell like balm on his weunded spirit. Moonlight walks on deck brought about confidence on his part, and indignation, coupled with pity—which is akin to love—on hers, On the arrived of the steamer in port, the party with whom Misa Brighteyes was travellirig was in- creased by the addition of our friend—die- consoiate no longer—and -cablegrams from the other side have recently announced the only possible result of the affair. It is furthermore rumored that the young lady who had been the cause of his budder), departure for foreign shores repented her decision (Mon after he had tailed, and dispatched a little iperinmed note to the care of his bankers' n London, giving him to understand that such was the case. It was needless to state, aince we are all human, that one of the cablegrams was sent to her address.—Boston Saturday Gazette. The Summer Boarder,. As ignorance is bliss, don't try to find out where the farmer gets his fresh pro- visions. The only one of the boarders who doean't get tanned enough is the mischievous smell boy. When it is an over you are sorry you didn't treat the pretty boarder to country store candy instead of sending to the city for bon -bons. You are more apt to find the running water in your room when it is raining. Just because the farmern pretty daughter waits on you, don't think that she will let you wait on her. You find that most things around the farm house are home-made, except the butter. It is hard to be polite to the pretty boarder's aunt, who has a. habit of getting you into a corner of the veranda and speak- ing for hours upon the condition of her liver. The nervous man who goes into the coun- try for rest is always made to roonowith the fiend who has brought his fhite and cornet along. The owner of the house thinks that help- ing him harvest his crops is better exercise for the boarder than climbing the moun- tains. You mustn't think that the air agrees with you and that your appetite is improving just because. you are always still hungry after dinner is over. The mysterious boarder generally turns out to be the foolish woman who seeks Be - elusion while her hair is undergoing the process of bleaching. The farmer never takes you for a drive when he goes down to the station after his fresh milk and butter. If the country boys come and stare at you in wonder when you're fishing in the creek, don't you be surprised that you never get a bite, for thane a sure sign there are no fish there. The farmer Ocoee his city COUFAI1 as one of the family, and soon breaks him into doing chores around the home—SOW York Evening Sun. Tomatoes •trilth Mee. Scald and peel three large, ernooth, tome-, teen Cut them in halves'scoop out the eeees and juice without breaking the pulp. Scald the juice enough to strain out the seeds. To the juice, add sugrie to tante and mix with it as much warm boiled rice as it will absorb; add salt and a little better, Fill the tomatoes vrith the mixture. Inlace each half tometo 011 a round of bread buttered. Put them in a shallow pan and bake ten minutes, or until the bread is browned. The Smart Dogs of Egypt& When the Egyptian clog Wishes to drink at the Nile he gees a short dietabee tip the river aia hottne for Solna timeEno erotut- dike being attracted by the Sound, immetti- ately ertieni to the place, while the dog heftily MUM to the pert wnitila the erocodileei hone left and drinkin safety. t is almost inipornible to think tad kentte lireenliing a good Old age, INDOOR LIFE. We Would he Healthier if We Basked in the Sun. "Basking in the sun " is in itself of real and considerable benefit, and it is no com- pliment to our human intelligence to find that oats and dogs understand that fact much better than we do. Even the "blue glees " craze had a truth underlying it, and owed such success as it achieved to the pro- portion of sunlight which penetrated its colored medium. The love of sunshine is naturally one of our strongest instincts, and we should be far healthier and happier if a followed and developed it instead of practically ignoring and repressing it. How a sparkling, sunny morning wadi:eines as and makes us feel that "it's too floe a day to spend indoors," and yet how few holidays are taken for that reason. The wealth of the sunbeams is poured out lavishly all around us, and we turn from it to struggle for a few pitiful handfuls of something else that is yellow and shining, but not half so likely to bring es happiness, and often has strange, red spots upon it. Give nature a chance, and we shall find that there is more than a mere fanciful connection between natural sunlight and that " sunny " disposi- tion, which, after all, is the true " philoso- pher's stone."—North American Review. Clem and Lulie. Clem and Lae were brother and sister, and loved each other very dearly. Clem was six, and Lulie 5 years of age. I am afraid that Clem, although he was older than Lune, and a bay, too, was not as brave as she was. One day a large dog pushed open the gate and walked into the yard. Clem and Lidie were standing on the porch, and Clem was so frightened that he could not move; but Lulie said, "Don't be afraid, Clean; I'll take care of you," and marched up boldly, though with her little heart beating very hard, to the dog, who looked at her in a very friendly way. Just then their mamma came out and chased the dog away. When they started to school the next year Lulie would' always defend Clem from harm, and help him in every way. If Clem got into trouble Lulie would take his part, and if Lulie had anything given to her she would always divide with Clem' and very often give him the larger part. He would generally share with her, too, but I think he was very careful to 4livide his apple or orange or piece of cake very evenly. One cold morning they stopped to play in the snow vrith some other children, and Clem lost his mittens. Lulie took hers off right away, and made Clem wear them, though I must say he did not want to. Once when Clem was punished in school, I know it hure Lillie much more than it did him. When Clem grows to be a man, I think he will look back upon hi childhood days and see that next to his father's and mother's love there was no love stronger and more faithful than his sister Lillie's, and no music sweeter than the sound of her voice when she said, "Clem, I love you." Little brothers, who read this, remember to be kind to your sisters; and little sisters, if you want to keep the love of your brothers, remember that kind words and deeds call forth love, and that, For the sake of those who love as, For the sake of God above us. Each and all should do their best To make music for the rest. —.Harper's Young People. A Boy Mates Ambition. Many anecdotes have' been related of the baby King of Spain and his funny little ways, but here if3 another which shows that Alfonso X.1.IL has his boyish thoughts even though he is a king. At Madrid recently the famous sculptor, Senor Querol, was engaged to make a statue of the young King, but the artist had great difficulty in hitting upon a suitable pose for his royal subject winch should be natural and spirited. He was sitting one day thinking and regarding the boy as he sat looking out of the open window. Suddenly the sound of a military band was heard in the street, and immediately the little king eprang up and brought his tiny hand to his forehead in the military salute. "The flag sir 1 the flag V' he exclaimed. "Salute the flag " In an instant the sculptor had found the pose he had been eeeking, and made the statue represent the king just in the act of saluting the Spanish flag. Later on, when the sculptor wee at work on the =ante, the king &eked : "Are you going to make Inc big ?" • The artist replied that the statue would represent the king just a little larger than • he was. " Well," replied the young monarch, "1 • Want yet to make me very big, with loim Moustache 1" Meh on wenn rolls live to be very old. The pension roll beats the bakern roll as a Staff of life. Perdita—Oh ! yeti eon never tellanything about a man. Penelope—No, ner to OM They lotovf it all 'Metope Fading hair le original trolonnnt Stops falling of hada Keep; the Scalp Wean, Meats hair soft and Pliable • Promotes Growth. A GALLT113 She Caught Onto Idascullue Dream& IA a Very Pinsk only. She was a beautiful girl, upon whose lus. trout curie twenty summers had laid their roses in showers of color and fragrance, and upon whose fair shoulders the decree of Mahlon had placed a pair of engenders, says the Detroit Free Press. She was radiant in her loveliness ana the young man who sat beside her when the shadows of the evening fell was as happy as she was beautiful, It was an iridescent combination. He had proposed and been accepted, and he had just concluded a wild, impulsive em- brace that was now tapering off gradually in a tender, one-armed hug as lingering as a case of grip in a hard winter. " George, ' she murmured, "will you do me a favor ?" " 4 million !" he exclairnod, with tropi- cal luxuriance ; "n million tizr.ea a million, darling." "One is enough, (leery," she said, with a soft smile of joyous contentment. " What is it, darling ?" he whispered, drawing her algae to him. "Will you lend me a horteshoe nail ?" she lisped, blushingly. "We have busted my gallus." And George's great heart yearned and broke then, for he had come to the trysting place without a horseshoe nein Floe Hypothetic Moonlighter. They were crooning under the great oak tree, with the moonlight shimmering through the leaves. "11 I ehould tell you I loved you, Ethel, what would you say ?" he whispered ten- derly. "1 don't know, Harry," she murmured. "11 I should say you were more to me than all the world—what ?" "1 don't know, Harry," and she came no closer to him, notwithstanding there was unoccupied space between them. "If I should ask you to be my -wife, Ethel—what ?" He attempted to take her hand in his, but she thwarted liim. " rdon't know, Harry," she answered as before. Her conduct vexed him. Was the girl deceiving him? Or was he deceiving him- self? " What do you know, Ethel ?" he asked in a tone of earoastic doubt. The girl i ose from the rustic bench on which the had been sitting. "1 know this much, Mr. Montmorenci," she said forcibly," that no young man on a moonlight night is going to feel me with tentative statements preceded by palpable ifs, and implying bypotheses capable of back slams and crawfishing. I'm in it to stay, if you are, but we go in together. See?" At that moment the moon shone out with a more radiant effulgence and Mr. Mont- morenci saw lie had the wrong pig by the ear, or words to that effect.—.DetroitFree Press. • The rooster does the crowing, but the hen lays the eggs. "She is awfully homely." "Yes, but she has plenty of money.' "True, but you've got to marry her to get it." "Yea, I've got to marry hex; that's where the - hitch comes in.' CARTE RS Fr= VE R PILLS. 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