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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Exeter Advocate, 1892-7-21, Page 3LAUGH AND LEARN. For Grown Folks, I'm only just a littlo girl Frn ebr Years old to -day, But [feel like most a hundred— Like I was bent and gray. And this is why I feel so old, I %nal; Bit 40WA at all But seine oxie svs "Run get my thread, I've left it in the hall." OrNellie, can't you bring my book Prom off the second shelf r I'm sure R I was big as them I'd learn to help myself. My brothers send me for their hats, And, for their hooks and slates, MY sister for her scissors And her thimble and her skates. I've beeu up stairs a thousand times, I know I have, to -day; I don't have any time to rest Or any time to play. I'm going to tell my papa To ask his paper man To print it in Ms paper Just the biggest that he can That little girls get tired The same as big folks do, And maybe they'll remember If the paper tells thein to. When Illanuna Was a Girl. 0b5the girls.of olden days, Wath their modest, pretty ways. 'What has become of all the girls our grand- mas used to know They were always neat and pretty, And, in quiet ways, ware witty, And they coula hake a dainty cake, and they could spin and sew. Never did they utter slang, Never wore their hair in bang, Never smokfd upon the sly or stayed out alter ten. Tbey wore plain in dress and speeoh, But were pretty as a peach, And they never spoilt their time in °hosing after men, They were different from the girls. With their frizzei and their curls, That wo new take out to dances, to the opera, or the But the girls our grandma knew, Polly, MoIIy, Betty, Sue, SimMY aro not in it with the girls we know to -day. The Irish girl can always stand Pat. In a summer hotel there always seems to be room at the top. A He.xlmn milkman says he passed the simmer at the watering places. It is no longer straws, but overcoats, that show which way the wind blows. Sir Arthur Sullivan realized 860,000 by Ifs song, "The Lost Chord." Down in Now Jersey, during the height of the mosquito season, every man is a masher. The complaint made at Bar Harbor, Me., is that ib is easier to find tho harbor than the bar. There are 46,000 oil wella in the United States, and their daily output is 130,000 barrels. Edison has invented a torpedo with which 25 men can hold a fort against 1,000,000 enemies. The oldest building in the world is the 'Tower of London. It antedates Cessar's conqueats. A woman never can forgive the man she has jilted if he falls in love with any- body. else. • After all, it is lying in the sand at the see - shore that will give a man grit—in his shoes and stockings, In India the native barbers will shave you w hen asleep without awakening you, the touch is so very light. It is now that a man goes to the country to find rest and quiet and comes directly borne for the same purpose: An average of 2,000 immigrants a day, Sundays iscluded, arrived in the United States during the business year just closing. Servant girls in California receive on an average $25 per month. Nurse girls are paid from $13 to $20, and good cooks -from t30 upward. Dr. Pringle' of Montego Bay, Jamaica, bee succeededin distilling banana brandy en an extensive scale. Must the banana trip up more victims still? First guest (at summer health resort)— You are going home early this season, Miss Sanitary Measures. Second Gueat—Yes, I lia•ve to go, kr my health. Delsarte, with all his study in the art of gesticulation, never succeeded in equalling tam expression of a dog'stail whenhismaster Tuts on hie coat fors walk. Host—How did you come to pass Dudelet by when you were serving the fish? Hostess —I thought it would look just like an in- sult to offer him brain food. Every cubic inch of soil contains from 60,- 1)00 to 2,250,000 minute organisms, according to a scientist who at latest accounts had not even sworn off on strawberries. Travers—How long a mune does your son take at, college ? Dobson—That's just the question I asked. He wrote back that it would be "two miles with a turn." Great Scott! I thought you said your lionise was only half a mile from the sta- tion?" "So I did ; Swiss mile, you know, they're 7,396 yards longer than our miles." There is a very intense old maid at Infanayunk tvho has three pets, a cat, a cat- bird and a catfish. Her only out amusement is an occasional sail in a cat boat, "Would you like some garden hose?' said the clerk in the general supply store. "No thanks," was the answer; "1 girdrally go in barefooted to do my we duo, Little girl—My papa has to get up awful early, so as to get to the office and see if his clerks is there attending to business. .Little boy—My papa don't have to. He's one of the clerks. Her vacation didn't seem to do your wife much good. Perhaps she didn't take enough exercise." "Oh, yes she did. She at on the piazze and talked continuously for three hours on a stretch." Apropos of the latest styles for ladies we may soon expect to hear such language among the tender sex as,, "Oh, Clara, you've got high -waters; let out your gal - loses," or words to that effect. Dr. Puncheon—Your son Tom is pursu- ing his studies at college now, I believe. farmer Ploughshare—Ya-as, I sapose 80. He's a parsnip. of 'em, doctor, but whether he'll ever lustoh up with 'em is a question. Sherp—I vowed a girla life this morning. Wooden—Why, how was that? Sharp— Well, I was smoking on the hotel veranda awl she timid " Pardon ine sir, but that cigarette is killing me." So 1 threw it away awl smoked another. A taped lately isimed by the newly or- ganized London Domestic Servants' Union stator that there are at the present moment no less than 10,000 trained servants of good character walking about the British metro - ' pas in seareh of employment. Dr. Brown•Sequartl has not lint faith in his famous elixir, despite the attacker made upon it. At a recent meeting of the French „Academy of Sciences he declared that its Tee had Made bine ten years younger, and ' Viet thousands of people had been cured with it. A carloads, &memo° eight oath he eeen in the window of a gimp oa Walnut street, below Eleventh, Philadelphia, It is the ekeleten of e full-grown mon seated in an arm -chair, hits parse being one of luxurioUs ease. With. a cigar and a fan added the tableau would create a eensation. The tee plant cart be grown as well in many parts of the United States as in any districts of China, but until the American laborer Call live on three or four ceilas a day, no one wool expect that tea will become an extensive article of production in this country. It is only when a man gets his bill at a seaside hotel whore he and his fareilY are etaying, and finds that he is charged more per day than he can earn per week, that he begins to appreciate a longing desire to be back in his own little dining room, looking up to that dingy old motto that tem, "God bless our home." Husband—Do you know that necktie you got me yesterday I Well, I just got a tele- gram from home eatring that my grand- mother is at the point of death. Wife (wringing her hands) -0h, dear, dear! But what has the necktie to do with it. Hus- band (triumphantly)—Why, if the dies, I won't have to wear it. Those thirty-six ;cachets for Miss Florence Pullman's trousseau were designed and tagged by some enterprising "lady journal- ist." Miss Pullman is a young lady of great good sense and much tette, and if she had had $250 to spare it certainly would have been put to better use than the purchase of powdered cotton batting. An old restaurant bill, printed in Rich- mond, Ver,, in January, 1864, gives the war -time prices in Confederate money • Soup, $1.50 '• chickens, $3.50; roast beef, $3 ; ham and eggs, $3 ; raw oysters, $1 ; coffee, $2 ; bread and butter, $l.50; bottle of champagne, $50 ; a drink of rye whiskey, V ; a bottle of ale, $12, and a cigar, $2. Mlie.iraeareeco is engagedin emphasizing the correctness of the old saying concern- ing the folly of writing letters. The love letters which Prince Ferdinand of Roumania sent to her when he was her devoted slave are DOW being sent, one by one, to the ex- alted British princess whom Ferdinand is going to marry. The incident also proves the truth of the saying that the hot place hath no fury like a woman ecorned. Do married people come to resemble each other Closely? The Photographic Society, of Geneva, Switzerland, has collected photographs for seventy.eight couples before and after wedlock. Experts have decided from photos before and after mar- riage that in twenty-four marriages out of seventy-eight the husbands and wives resemble each other more than brothers and sisters. In thirty cases the resemblance was about equal, and in twenty-four there was no resemblance at all. The hint given by Nature in these last cases is obviously that there was no marriage, only mere legal union. Cats, large and small, make the most careful toilet of any class of animals, ex- cepting some of the opossums. The lions and tigers waah themselves in exactly the same manner as the cat, wetting the dark, indirorubber like ball of the forefoot and the inner toe and passing it over the face and behind the ears. The foot is thus at the same time a face sponge and brush, and the rough tongue combs the rest of the body. Hares also use their feet to wash their faces, and the hare's foot is so suitable for a brush that it is always used to apply the " paint " to the Noe for the stage. A baby is born at every beat of the human heart. That is more than one for every tick of the clock, says Baby. These "living jewels" (as the poets call babies) "dropped unsustained from heaven," take wings and fly back from whence they came one for every minute of tbe day. From Jan. 1 to Dec. 31 between 38,e00,000 and 40,000,000 living jewels are dropped into this cold world. There are more baby girls than boy babies. The proportion of female births to male births is 100 to 90. So that between 2,000,000 to 3,000,000 more girls are born in the world each year than boys. There is always a surplus of women, and the extra number of girl babies keep up the supply. The rate of infant mortality is enormous. In round numbers 5,000,000 babies never live long enough to talk, 5,000,000 more never have a chance to walk or run and 5,000,000 never get old enough to go to school. Hints to the Debutante. Don't talk too much about it being your first season ; your enjoyment will show that. Don't talk too much of when you were at school ; it may not interest your partner. Don't if you happen to think yourself in- tellectual, try to impress it upon others ; they will find it out. Don't fidget about your dress or your hair; it wilt take away half your own en- joyment and give others a poor opinion of you. Don't omit to read at least one good magazine ; it will be sure to give you a topics to chat upon when the conversation seems to drag. Don't fail to remember that a bright male, a good humor and a sweet voice will go a long way in making you a favorite. even if you have not beauty. —.Yew York Fashion Bazaar. • A Diabolical Revenge. Mrs. Woman's Righter—If they refuse to pass the measure I desire, I'll eause the meeting to adjourn. Her friend—How can you do that? You are not president. Mrs. Woman's Righter—I have a mouse in this box, and if they don't do as I want them, I'll set it loose. It is Well. to Remember That every promise is a debt. That all are not saints who go to church. That there is no worse joke than a true one That life is short—only four letters in it. Three-quarters of it is " lie," and half of it an "if." Every Little Helps. Raven—Your wife's mother helps her a great deal, doesn't she? Bagley—Yes; she has gone into town to buy a dress to match some buttons her mother gave her. share "Those Parker girls are very dull," "They can't be They out Mawsosi at the Old Guard Ball—and you know how tough Matrsort is." Petticoats of oak continue to be very elaborate, and are made of all kinds of materiala ; many old silk dresees'too old to be worn as coattimes, are still good enough for petticoats, and other fabrics beside silk man bo utilized in this wan The Young Comitese Maggie, Count Herbert nismarek's bride, is very young and slender and sylph like, with blue eyes that have a dreamy took In them and crown of golden hair. Notwithstahdtng that she has a Hungarian father arid her cradle was on the Adriatic, she is untnie- takeably English in &pretence and in man- ner, and only the gineettil courtesy With Which she greets the stranger le Italieto THE EDITOR. mr4s VAIGSTf Recourse the. Weller Was On w lire Wire and a Reporter on the Switch. He was in a towering passion when he strode into the Truth -Teller office. It was evident that he was looking for trouble. 44 My name is Sellers, air, Sellers !" ho exclaimed. " Oh, yes, Mr. Sellers. Hwy° a chair ?" said the editor, courteously. "No, sir, not have a chair 1" thun- dered the stranger. I'Ve COM to clean out the office." "Yes, yes," said the editor calmly. Will you stand a little to one side, please? Yon shut the light off from roydesk.' The stranger was eo surprised that he moved without thinking. " That's right," said the editor, " stand right there. You oan get a better shot at me from there. Would you mind my call- ing a reporter in? No intention of ceiling for help, I assure you, but you know what a sensation this affair will make, and I alwaYe try to have a reporter on hand when there's any tragedy. It makes a better story. With your permission." He touched a bell and a young man ap- peared almost instantly. "Mr. Warren,"said the editor," thisis Mr. Mere, I called him e thief, a monkey and an inspired idiot in this morning's paper, and be has come to clean out the office, especially this room. Get a good account of it and let it lead the paper, double -leaded. It ought to make a rattling story." " See here, you've got nerve 1" exclaimed the stranger. ‘4 Not at all," replied the editor, " I eimplyunderstand my business, and am an enthusiast in it." The stranger looked about him nervously and then said: Oh, well, never mind; let the matter go. I didn't mind it much, and you're too nervy a man to be done up in cold blood." He backed out of the door and hurried down stairs. Then the editor gave a sigh of relief and turned to the reporter. "Was he standing on the plate ? " he asked. "Squarely on "1 thought I got him there. Was the battery working well?" "Splendidly." "And you had your hand on the aw,i,tchye?rs: sir.” "You could have shocked him ? " " If he had moved I'd have made him think he was struck by lightning." "These electric appliances are great things," said the editor, as he leaned back in his chair, "bat I was nervous just the same. I'll have the plate made larger and the switch put on my desk." The WAVOS Men Want. Men do not always admire women on ac- count of prettiness of features, though they often do for their culture, their skill in music, their tact, or their taste in matters of dress. They rarely love a woman because she possesses these qualities. Intellectual women, says the New York "Fashion Bazar," usually have many admirers, but they are far from being in wrest demand in the matrimonial market of the day ; any way, they are seldom fought over to any serious extent. The most attractive woman is not ac- knowledged beauty, in many instances. How often do we see the homliest girl in an assemblage the recipient of the most favors, because of her bright manner, her brilliant conversation, her wit, or her winning ways. She still reigns when the insipid beauty is no longer admired. Beauty of itself is attractive, it pleases the eye for a while, ,but, according to the old adage, 'tie only skin deey, and will not make the woman sought after in a matri- monial sense. Women are very much like flowers ; those -who have beauty and a well -cultivated mind are a never-ending source of delight. They are fair to look upon and to talk to, but close acquaintance too often reveals a thorn, the prick pf which serves to keep us at a distance. But there are others, like the homely wall -flower, neither graceful nor handsome, but so full of sweetness that to be near them is joy almost inexpressible. Some of the plaineet women ever known have been the most popular, and their pres. ence in a room is a guarantee of good humor and enjoyment. Nor is it unusual to see a handsome man wedded to a homely woman. We have all, perhaps, heard the remark "What did such a good-looking man see in that woman to love 1" Such remarks refer only to the outward appearance. Thechar- eater of such a woman may be so attrac- tive to those who know her that none would have her different if they could. Business men want wives who are com- petent to manage their domestic affairs; not women who require to be managed, or who themselves want to manage all or nothing. Such a woman usually brings un- happiness to the home by driving her hus- band to spend his evenings at the club or elsewhere away from her, or keeps the man in suoh a state of worry that he cannot hope to get, along more than tolerably well in his metric:1.1 life or his business. A sensitive and practical business man doesn't want a wife who carries the purse and latch -key and practically wears the trousers. There are some men who like such wives, but the exception, happily, proves the rule. The best man in the land will look for a wife who is intelligent, practical and affec- tionate ; who will take pride in home and children ; who will feel an interest in his moms, great or small ; who is ready to talk with him when he returns home at night after an arduous day's toll; who is eager to share his fortune or his misfortune. Such a woman is brave and generous and will command the respect of every true man. It will not be asked of her whether she speaks French or German, knows Latin or Greek, paints, or plays highealass What a rnan wants is a wife of whom he oan be proud at home and abroad, who is neat, tidy and well-mannered. It is not necessary that the be pretty. But it is neeessery that she be agreeable, with a dis- position equally kindly and affectionate, in a Doubtful State. Lawyer—Are you mingle? Female witness—No. "Then you are a married woman?" " No." • "So you are a widow ?" CC No .» "But, my dear madam, or ides, you must belong to one of these clauses, What shall I put you down ? " "1 am—an—engaged woman," According to the Gospel. "Tommy, didn't the parsen saywhat was de text of the sermon at de Sunday wheal yesterday, dab God help those who helped theiraelvets ?" "Yee ; he did." "Well, den tee's got a picnic. De Eyettalian bloke isFlound Weep an' we kin foller de scripture tettehina right up doge!" Water in Which orange peril het been soaked freihens the eonitslekimi. THE INExpgRocED WEL. USRD to be e home girl, and was in It the hea 01 0 pe tot: k andi ngovheerp itir house- keepingfather with his Woke evenings, and withal, Cwoonmai4dnerfeodr otrineyinSelf4ltistteatimon botifsioliefses. Station ? Suddenly my father died and the 'comfortable surroundings, in which„ I had trusted vanished, and I was left alone and helpleee to find my station in life. Then came speedily the diecevery that I was not a business Woman. I was not experienced, I had no references, I was too young. That was what they all told me, and when aortae gave that ultimatum I was utterly unable to Waist upon retr20 years. The first place 'applied for was a position as governess in answer to an advertisement that "A young lady of refinement who could tetteh so and so would find a good home, with small wagee. Call between 10 and 12." I rose at light the next morning and compelled myself to eat a biscuit and drink a cup of milk. I was boarding my. self then ; that is, I lived in a tiny room and kept the apirit in the body with bread and ionic and cookies and sometimes chipped beef. I began to tremble hours before it was time to go. I thought it would be necessary to look as well as possible, so I arranged my hair in the most becoming way, with short ourla over my too high forehead, and 'put on my pretty best blue dress and a choice bit of lace at the throat. I hacl a few such thinga left. Then I sur- veyed myself, a piece at a tim' e in the tiny glass and my heart sank. Ilooked hopelessly young and girlish. No one would ever dream of harboring mob a gov- erness. Why, I could not govern anything larger than a year-old baby, who could be kissed and cuddled and obirrupped into good humor. Then I began all over again; took, off the blue dress and lace, and smoothed back my hair, which was naturally wavy and full of kinks, by wetting and brushing it vigor- ously, and fastened it down with a black band. I donned my plain old black dress and a stiff linen collar. Ohl If I were only taller. I tried putting chips in the heels of my shoes, but the effect was scarcely per- ceptible ; besides, I reasoned that I could not endure that right along, should the po- sition be obtained, so I took them out. Well, the result was hardly satisfactory, but it was the beet I could dosand that high white forehead, without a stray look to soften it, did look, I thought, decidedly solemn and dignified. Then I practised be- fore the mmror to secure an expression "mild, but firm," and at exactly 9.45 I started out; oh ! no, I mean I walked majestically forth ; at least I tried to. The street and number were noted on the slip of paper in my pocket, but that was an unneoessary precaution. Was there any danger of my ever forgetting that number? "1419 Highton avenue south." It had sung itself over to me all that morning and the previous evening to all the tunes from "Yankee Doodle" to " Swanee River." It has seemed as though the whole army of the world's inhabitants lived on Highton avenue at 1419. I moved up the avenae with what I imagined was a stately bearing. Who was there to know that my knees knocked together? The first sight of the handsome stone house filled me with dis- may. I walked slowly by as if the idea of stopping had never occurred to me. Then I flouted at my own weak -mindedness, turned, got &O far as the lower step off the street, then in a very pank of dismay wheeled and passed on. I turned once more with some uncomplimentary reflec- tions upon my own folly, and, forgetting my dignity in impetuous haste, ran up the steps and touched the bell. How idiotically I hoped that they might not be at home or that the bell might fail to work. But no, the door opened. I was ushered in, and, after a few mo- ments, the lady appeared, bringing with her two of the offspring of the house, evi- dently to pass their opinion upon the article displayed for their approval. The older WOO an overairessed girl of about 14, who surveyed me with haughty condescension. The other was a large boyof 12 years, with long yellow earls hanging , nearly to his waist. The mother questioned me about my attainments, while the young lady indiffer- ently turned the leaves of a book and the young gentleman stared at me. She was pleased to know of my proficieney in French and painting, but I seemed so young and inexperienced; had I been accustomed. to teaching ? I was obliged to confess that I had not, She had misgivings. Her son was ill a great deal and required indulgence with wise training. I did not wonder at his illness, looking at those ridiculous, babyish curls on that great boy in trousers. I thought his malady must be contagious. I began to feel ex- tremely indisposed myself. And her daughter, she continued, was very mature for her years, and sometimes, perhaps, ex- acting and— "Mamma," murmured the daughter lan- guidly, " pleats° do not humiliate me before a servant." Quite mature I On the whole, my lady thought -I would hardly suit, and she blandly wished me good morning. I went to my room and will omit the chronicle of what happened there. It would be tiresome to record all the unsuccessful attempts that followed. I wasted my sub- stance in buying papers for the sake of the want column. How many wants there were in the world and yet no one wanted me! Oh 1 the miles and miles I walked from one part of the city to the other, answering Rome call for a girl, always to be met by the looks of doubt and the terrible question, "How much experience have you had ?" " What are your references ?" or again, the swift decision, "You are too young." Sometimes 1 wrote,and the recipientekindly enriched themselves with my postage stamp and that was all. I do not believe that "poor unfortunate" of Hood's was a sinful girl at all. I think she was only one of these poor things who must earn a living and can find no way to do it, buffeted and brow -beaten, tired and detsperate and sick at heart, hurling herself neatly " anywhere—anywhere, out of the world," her hard world, with its haughty women, its overbearing men; the cairn, cold eges staring at her, the sharp lips rejecting her. How many a girl like that one, I wonder, has. been driven by man's in- humehity to think even God's providence estranged. Coming back one night in the dusk Of the evening from BOMO inititiceeesful quest, I stopped on the splendid teel arch bridge and looked down at the rolling water, and questioned if my mystery had not almost give me the right to put an end to it all. And then my disordered thoughts Went on to what could follow. It wouldn't make much of a commotion, but they Would find me probably, or somebody might see the desperate deed, and people would speak of it pityingly and the papers Would have an item about the poor, pretty suicide— young women are always pretty after they have killed themstfiVes or been brought into a °Mitt of justice—someone Might, perliape, feel a belated oompeseion and even repeat a line or two Of 44 Tele her up tenderly," jest then an artn slipped around Mine 'APPLICATIONS,1110RO1IGHLY,1EMOVES 'ti*ARORUFF D. L, CATX4i. I, leareascrwessor amt. IIP.R.- Prrai AAS-Datorwiffilmofreamott.070zat- .tu.a.c, dandruff ni atOrt04 drui,-.4nous.tuxisrf tdusr4a)* sfnismo iirtdiusnuau nut pair t UARAIITIEEID VcV7.414t.°v41,4(oiwt,...4. motto astitnstaeme aestoree Fading htgr to 810ea felling of lieges die Solo olesa, 04, fiileket bah, eon one Pliable Promelee Growth. and a voice said, "I have something for you." I turned and held out zny hand like a child. , "No," ehe went on gayly, "nothing visible or tangible ; nothing to taste or smell or see ; not a concrete object. There, poor child, you think I am playing a guessing game. 1 have a situation for you." I could only. stand and look at her. She was an office girl, this lovely oheery.hearted creature. I had formerly been accustomed toregard the general office girl as a sort of "fair barbarian," abeing who needs must be rather bright and busmen like, but who either by nature ozacquisition, is mannish and brusque and lacking in womanly re- serve. As she it was, this gentle, genial office girl who bad found me a position. She was a friend of only a week or two, but it does not take the working girl many weeks to find aready sympathy kr. distress. She heard of an opening in an office where she had fotmerly been, end promptly secured the place for me. The next morning at 8 o'clock, with many misgivings and great thankfulnert, I ceased to be an inexperienced girl —Kate Field's Washington. A .0E81'ERA.TE WO. -- A Greater Fear Drove Rim to it Lesser hanger. The balloon was tugging at the ropes that held it, as if eager to bound upward into the trackless depths of space. The aeronaut, pale, but self-possessed, stood at the side of the basket giving his final directions to the men in charge of the ropes. As he was preparing to take his place in the frail vessel in which he was about to navigate the air an excited young mao with a hunted look in his eyes rushed up and asked him hurriedly: " Will this balloon take up two men• ?" "It will," answered the aeronaut. "Is the basket strong enough for two ?" " Yes." "Then I want to make the trip with you I" "Young man, do you know anything about the dangers of a ballon voyage 1" "No, air; but I'm not afraid of them." "Do you see that ibis getting cloudyin the west, that the wind is rising, and a storm is coming up that may carry us 500 miles from here before we come down ?" That's all right. It doesn't scare me a cent's worth. I'd rather go than stay, and I'm ready to climb in rightnow." "What's your business, young man ?" "I'm a newspaper reporter." "Ob 1 you want to go along to write the thing up ? " "No 1" said the young man wildly. '6 I'm trying to dodge the city editor. He's looking for a reporter to write up a woman's suffrage convention 1"—CM:cap Tribune. A "Want Ads,' Convention. "1 am one of the Brownies of business life.'" It was not long after the advertising man- ager had fallen asleepat his desk that he heard, a little piping voice right at his elbow repeating the assertion as given above. "Otherwise, I am a Want Ad.," con- tinued the little intruder. " We business Brownies hold a little convention here to- night. Do you want to remain and listen to the proceedings ?" The advertising manager thought that nothing would please him more, and he told the little Brownie so. "Yea," piped an additional voice, " we are to argue a point. It is to be decided which of us is the more useful to mankind. The Help Want Brownie thinks that he is. amthePosition WantedBrownie,and I think • the honor falls to me. You see, I voice the desire of the great world of workers. I tell what they want. I carry their messages right into the offices of the rich, and I make them listen. Why, last week, right in this city, I secured employment for a hundred idlers, and half of them would have starved in another week. One of them was a young inan who had planned to get married a month ago. He was out of work, however, and the wedding had been postponed. He was disheartened. He felt that nobody had anything to offer him. I knew better. When he last turned to me I felt like pat- ting him on the back. He got a job, and next week he is to be married. And I • heard him make a vow that if he ever lost his job, he would come right around to me again." "Weil, now, what has Help Want Brownie to say for his side of the question?" ventured the advertising manager. II am the emblem of hope, where the good little brother who has entertained you is only the emblem of desire. He tells what people want. I tell what they can get. I am a light—he is a cry in the dark. What have I done? I told, only yesterday, where a hundred people could find bread to eat, work to do. A man, only last week, was on the point of despair. He hadn't even enough money to advertise. But I told him where there was something he could get to do. He went. He got the place. To -night his wife and children are eating a good supper. The rent is paid. They are beaming on the husband and father with a new reaped, with a new reverence for him. These kind of things do me good." The other Want Ads sat around on the desk in humble admiration of their hero brothers. They each voted that both of the little speakers should have a medal. And it was to be inscribed with some senti- ment of honest gratitude from 10,000 people whom the little Brownies had helped. And the advertising manager awoke in exceeding good humor. The Editor's Easy chair. Editor—We can't use your poems now. Poet—Why should you always delight in sitting oh me in preference to others? Editor—When I sit on a poet of courts° I prefer a spring poet. Lilian Lewis is being prepared for her Canada tour, for which a fine compares, has been engaged. "Credit Unable' "Act in a Looking Glaes," and "Article 47" Will be played. In addition to this she is rehears - Mg the feat of jumping from& running horse without breaking her neek; also how to mount, dismount and ride a home man fashion. In the Mond act Of "Lady III,'" Mimi Lewis Will appear on horseback in the uniform of a Prussian Man, and in the third act on horseback in a ciecits rider's coattails ts, —The girls =met resist the impreesion that there is something engaging aboia the Marriage proposal. THE 1'4II0ED GOATEE, Row Its Owner Vantslted Eike a Streak oi Seared Sunshine. He walked as though he had the spring - halt and his stringdike goatee was so faded as to auggest that he hadn't drawn a fast color. He pushed open the swinging doors of a Munroe avenue liquor dispensary and limped slowly op to the bar. "Good morning, sir," he said softly to the gentleman in charge. "Good morning." " Strange,. isn't it, what tad, tender thoughts anniversaries always inspire ?" S'posethey do," rejoined the bartender, inspecting the owner of the goatee suspici- ously. Never had one" "You don't recall ours ?" "Recall what? " Why, my dear sir, one year ago to- day." " Recall nothing," said the bartender shortly, with increasing disgust. " you have ?" "And can't you remember," continued the man with the goatee, ignoring the in- quiry, "how beautiful and bright it was one year ago to -day, and how I strolled in here, with a shave and a clean collar, and told you I had found a dollar in an old vest ? "Can't say I do." "Well, I can. I remember everyhour of that glad, blythesome day. I was here for about an hour. I had two beers and a 10 - cent cigar, and you told me about your brother in California. Now, in one short year you've forgotten it all." "What do you want ?" inquired the bar- tender shortly. "What are you hanging around for, anyhow ?" "My dear sir," rejoined the other, "1 am merely living over the memories of a happy day, and I thought," he added, looking so wistfully at the labels along the shelf that the yellow goatee fairly quivered, "that, seeing it was an anniversary, you might—that is, I hoped some one might say 'beer.'" "Jake," said the bartender, briefly, to the boy at the freedunoh counter, "call the policeman in from the back room." Jake did not call. There was a pattering along the oilcloth, a streak of yellow at the door, and the owner of the faded goatee was outside in the glad sunshine of the anniversary morn.—Detroit Free Press. Ho Fr to Put Out an Electric Wire. When an aro forms on a central station switch or board. or an electric wire falls to the ground and sputters fire, it is quite tis serious question as to how it can be extin- guished. The first impulse is to dash a pail of water upon it ; but this is the very worst thing that can be done. The usual method is for the attendant to beat it out with his hat ; but this is not entirely satis- factory and is rough on the hat. D. Thomp- son, in an article in Electrical Work/ on central stations, says the most effective way is to throw a pail of dry sand upon the are ; this promptly extinguishes it s,nd avoids the usual difficultiee. Two stores and the post -office at Forest were burglarized on Thursday night. A tiny electric light, attached to a pencil, enables French reporters to take notes at night,. El Ueactsthe and re,lieve all t to abstta�dt ess, trit re fibre sec Paid in gerin btes fecti after mon M curing SICK lieadaelue va& ale %paw - t eleo alt died o • oreveliza ettukyin ulate e Mier add *gala E Sit if they °tar cured e • • I .5 EA Ache tibay we%rurat=who riotlor tf bizt y tlteir gooffiniss those Who (web tr'5 tneae e puts vaMable In se In not be Wittig So do w1 But after ai sit& hoe hebaze of so/ahielegu we 1130 ,,zebrlasl A.sit Fast are Oca anal nylon ren S1,111.011'fi CONSU PTION CURE. This GREAT COUGH CURE, this suc- cessful CONSUMPTION CURE, Is without a parallel in the history of medicine. All droggts are ;milli:sized to soil it on a pais- itivc guarantee, o test that no ether owe can sneeesefally stand. t you have a eougli, Sore 'Throat, or Peoneliitie, itee it, for it will core you. If your child has tile Croup,. or Whooping Cough, use it promptly, and reffef is sore. If you dread that diseage CONSITMPM14, don'1/4U la tele if, lt Will cure you or °Ott nothing. Ask 'Ivor Drug- gist for SHILOH% CL/ltit, Peon to ott1., ets, mut