HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Goderich Signal-Star, 1967-10-05, Page 11SUGAR
AND SPICE
by Bill Smiley
My college co' -ed
If you think it's tough trying
to get a son or daughter ready
for college, cooled out, and set-
tled in, you should try it with
a wife,who hasn't been there
for 20 years: .
It's an exhausting ex-
perience, emotionally and fi-
nancially. All the kids want is
that you should take all their
stuff. down, help unload, it,
press, a large sum upon them,
and disappear back to Hicks-
ville, so you'll stop embarrass-
ing them in front of themnew
class -mates.
With Mamma it's not that
simple. First , comes the
tremendous decision itself,
comparable to Moses:,, making
up his mind to lead the "Child-
ren" back to the Promised
Land. There are surges • o€ con-
fidence, , but they, are out-
weighed by sudden despairs.
"My brain is rusty. I'll never,
make it. They've probably lost
my files. There'll be a rule
refusing people over $0. The
course is most likely a lot
harder now. I'll feel like a fool
with all those kinds in mini-
skirts and eye -shadow." And so
on.
You patiently point out that:
rust can be removed; any
half-wit can pass fourth year;
universities never lose any-
thing, except the letter you
wrote them last week; she's
more mature and the course
will be a snap; she's better -
looking now than' she was in
third year, away back.
Thus 'bolstered, she sends off
the application.` Nothing hap-
pens. Fear and' frustration
mount. So father has to write a
letter irik, his inimitable, style,
with force and firmness.
Straight back comes the good
word.
This is the real crisis. She
can't believe it! She's accepted.
It's no longer castles in Spain.
And the real panic begins. • •
"It's •ridiculous. I can't leave
you and Kim alone. You'll
burn the house down. You'll
forget to put .out .the garbage.
!You'll die of :malnutrition. We
can't afford it. Youcan't get
And without me." so on.
This, of course, is rank
cowardice. She simply is afraid
to get her feet wet in the big,
cojd world from which, like all
housewives, she has been shel-
tered all these years by guess
who.
0,, ,she ..goes to visit her
laof ier for three days, as a
ri of trialrun. Comes home
nd is a bit dashed to f''nd the
house still standing, garbage
out on schedule, lawn-- cut,
kitchen tidy and Kim and I
living • like Oriental potentates.
She had -to- save face and go
through with it, but not before
trying one more gambit. It was
impossible financially. There
was no way we, could -manage
it.
Father points out that, with
judicious . borrowing„ we can
keep one of the family going to
college. Since Hugh is no long -
r there, and in fact has a
splendid job laying carpets, it
might as well be she. This
produces half a day's tears of
mingled rage and grief over
Hugh's quitting.
It also' produces a guilt com-
pies. She vows that nobody has
ever lived as cheaply at college
as she will. She's` going to pig
it in a grubby little room. All -
she needs is a sleeping -bag,
card table, hot -plate and elec-
tric' kettle..She'll walk miles to
save carfare, hitch -hike home
on week -ends.
Hah! Have you tried to rent
a cheap little room lately? Fa-
ther took mother to the city,
and while she registered at the
college, poured an ale and
pored over the classified ads.
Best he could find ,was a room,
'share bath and kitchen, at $20
a week.
It wasn't bad. But
th°°ere was
a stumbling -block, as usual.
The other inmates "were col-
lege ' girls, and the landlady
had an iron rule that no men,
except her own husband were
allowed inside the front door.
She was inflexible. So was I.
I'd• planned to pad down with
the old lady the odd weekend,
saving the price of a hotel
room.
To cut a. long story to rib-
bons, the shabby little room
first suggested. has grown into
an apartment, furnished. And I
wouldn't tell my closest friend,r
let' alone my banker, what the
rent is.
.IFE!
SLMANTIOS r The bureaucratic art of Balling a spade a blunt
instrument with which to excavate soil is becoming more pre•
valent everyday, Soon you will be able to buy a dictionary to
help you translate, Here are a few examples which have been
collected: .4,-). -- , d
Two' men were convicted of conspiring to violate Mrs.L's
civil rights. What was meant was that they had tried to murder
her.
He gave . me a promotional consideration i.e. he picked -up
the tab, but that was pre -Carter Report.
"Your daughter uses 'variable spelling Mrs. Worthington".
i.e. she can't `spell for toffee,
"Your son is. underachieving Mr. Worthington", i.e. he's
a dunce. -
He was a disadvantaged person, i.e. he was no use to man
or beast.
Th siege of the Embassy in --Peking was reported as: "a
ne ion of international law and diplomatic practices".
'4 here the hell ' is my nightshirt, Lou
sleep -suit has gone to the laundry".
"We are restructuring Industry", i.e.
the whole kit and keeboodlel
He was -non-oriented to productivity.
nothing workman.
Peoples' democracy — a dictatorship.
Liberation — invastion.
Aggression -. self.defence.
Peace - terror.
Freedom — oppression.
Oh well!
ENJOY "-THE FINEST FOOD -
IN TOWN
Chinese Food
Our Specialty
n ALSO TAKE-OUT ORDERS'
OPEN DAILY 7 a.m. to 10 p.m.
Open Friday and Saturday
Until 12 Midnight
-The Esquire
Restaurant
"524-9941"
*
we are nationalising
iw e.
he was
a good for
GREAT THOUGHTS — If you write about the precession of the
equinoxes, someone in the office -Will change It to "procession
of equinoxes". They believe an equinox is a performing animal.
After all, the centenary of universal education will not be
attained until 1970. Give it another century to work properly!
People have become infected with 'degree worship'. •
Fools, if they • are your superiors, should be treated with
courtesy — not gladly. St. Paul was in error.
In Universitieso mathematics is taught mainly to men who
are going to teach mathematics to men vtho are going to teach
•tnathematics to men who
* ' - •* *
The right 'to succeed in exams is becoming more and more
on the same plane as the right to social security, holidays and a
retirement pension.
* * *
Socrates was a very wise man: He went around giving people
advice. They poisoned him.
* * *
-A civilization -may be wrecked without any spectacular crimes
or criminals, but by constant petty breaches of faith and minor.
complicities on the part of men generally considered very nice
people.
* * *
SIGH NO MORE - The Goderich Council can take heart. The
United Kingdom has a dog population of 4,750,000, of which 2,
million are unlicensed. The original fee was two shillings and
sixpence and was introduced by a man called Dent. The charge
was made' to eliminate hydrophobia by cutting down the number
of strays, : but the revenue went towards the cost of the Napo.
leonic wars. GMR
W. J. Demme
FLOWER
SHOP
Phone
524-
$132
DAY 4
OR
N IGI:117
Agent for 24 -hr.
. FILM DEVELOPING
If you're looking for a place to start on
home improvements, consider
--"these facts about electric wiring.
To most people, home improvements
mean a panelled recreation room or a
shiny new set of kitchen cupboards. But
there's a way to improve the improve-
ments: modernize your home wiring first.
Up-to-date wiring lets you make the
most of the new room you're building, or'
the did one you're re -styling, It lets you
place your lighting wherever you like,,.
have as many electrical outlets as you
,choose, and use as many appliances as
.you neejl without popping fuses.
In fact, you'll notice pleasant changes
all through your honie. Modern wiring
can improve the efficiency of your light-
£ M • e• MINK
ing and the performance of'your appli-
ances.. It puts such comforts as electric
heating and air conditioning well within
your reach. It can also make a big differ-
ence to the safety and re -sale valueof
your home. Before you reach for your
toolbox, reach for' your telephone. ,Call
e qualified electrical contractor, or your
Hydro.
Up-to-date wiring its
costs less than you may `�'�
think. Yet it could be your '
most important home
improvement of all.
• .Y '
Friday; September 1, is St.
John Day at Expo '67. For the
183. days of the fair St. Joan
Ambulance volunteers will be
manning all First Aid. Posts on
the grounds from 9 a.m. to
1 a.m. daily.
.MaripOliver
"Pr -o" Popt.
To 'Goderich .
The Administrative, Profes.
sional and Technical Section of
Canada Manpower for Huron,
County is being moved from
London to Goderich.
Manager, C.M. Jutras, of the
Goderich Canada Manpower
C entre, in announcing the move
said' the decision totransfer
,this operation was made in,,an
endeavour . to provide better,
more personal service to cli.
eats in the adminstrative, pro.
fessional and technical field who
may - be looking for wbrk or
looking for, a change of job.
Mr. Jutras said that employers
will also benefit from the new
service at Goderich and urged
them to make full use of the
Canada Manpower Centre for
every employment and labour
market need,
In. the past, this service had
been available to clients in ,the
Gbderich area from London,
upon request.
In answer to the growing de.
viand for highly qualified per-
sonnel to fill professional jobs,
Canada Manpower Centres are
located in over 200 cities and
towns across Canada. A Telex
network provides rapid corn.
municatton. Details about a va. .
cancy on a client can be flashed
from cpast to coast in a matter
of minutes.
The Canada Manpower Centre
also provides professional
counselling service, extensive
listii of highly skilled job op.
portunities throughout the en.
tire country and up-to-date
labour market information. On.1
Campus service by Canada Man.
power Centres is also main.
tamed at some 12 Ontario Uni.
versities, Colleges and Tech.
nical Institutes.
wE GET
TOURISTS
A letter from Miss B. Brad.
ford,. receptionist at Goderich
tourist,Information booth, re.
vealed ,that a total of 1,156
Canadians and 517 U.S. citizens
had registered at the bureau
here, during the period from
May 19 to September 10. This
number compares favorably
with registration figures from
other seasons.
•
OUR
DATE
WITH
PROGRESS
•L�r
Your date to keep Ontario progressive and prosperous .:
with more people, more capital, more industry, more wages,
more opportunity and a constantly improving Ilfe"for every
one of our citizens. '
Your Progressive ConseryMtive government has achieved a
remarkable record in the past four years:
• New Farm Income Committee
• Agriculture Research Institute
• Crop Insurance at favorable rates
• New Capital'Farm Grants
• OMSIP and 9,000 new hospital
beds
• 368,000 new. jobs
• 4,000 miles of new or rebuilt
highways
• Municipal tax relief
• Air and Water Pollution laws
• 98 Provincial Parks for
10,000,000 visitors
• 3,000 new schools or major
additions
• School grants increased 600%
• $500',0.00 local industry -
development loans
• Confederation of Tomorrow
Conference
Good government... the Robai&goVernment... deserves
your support on October 17t1.
Support the Robarts Government
A
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67.22