HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Exeter Times, 1891-1-22, Page 9►.t
My Little Meld
Crime= clover blossom dapple
AU the meadows, while the apple
Trees drift rosy snows beneath their bend
Mg boughs
On a little maid who passes
Thro' the rippling ranks of greases
In the gloaming as she goes to call the cows..
Pretty, dainty, dark -eyed Phyllis,
Tho' her meaner coy and chill is
As she hastens on to where the cattle
browse.
Tito' she scarcely seems to notice
Me, the girl on whom I dote is
This little maid who goea to call the cows.
As the twilight shadows darken,
E'en all nature aeons to harken
For her footsteps, and that bud that's half
ad rowse
Pipes a sleepy little ditty
Jest to tell me that my pretty
Is coming back from ceiling of the cows.
Hero and there a glow-worm grazes
The white robes of nodding daisies
Betraying where with king caps they car
ouse ;
GENERAL NEWS,
The Cherokee Indians support over one
hundred common aehoole, with an aggregate
of 4.059 pupils, and a high school for bops,
with 211 atudente. They are just comple-
ting a seminary that will accommodate 175
students.
Dennyavillo, ale., lea good town to live in.
Ib bee no debt, and within its limits nu d w..,►
ing house, barn, stere, or achool house nae
burned within eight yore, Insurance men
would nay that the "moral risk" geed in
Denuyaviile.
A. jeweller in Rutland, Vb., recently re-
paired a watch that was 250 years old. Al-
though nob very large in circumference Ib
was an inch and a quarter thick and very
heavy. It was mad° in Switzerland and
valued at $500.
The Rev. C, F. Lipo, of Pomona, Cal„
has preaented to thee city a statue of the
Goddess Panelize, It is a copy of the Greek
atatue in Florence, where is was matte, It
coat $9.00+0, and will be admitted free of
duty by order of Secretary Windom, it is
said,
A prominent brick msnufaetnrer of De-
troit hae expressed the opinion that no
Eai;liele eyndicate is about to buy up the
brick manufaorories there, but that by the
let of September they will have permed under
the control of capi:aliets, the chief of whom'
is John D. R ckefeller, the Standard Oil
millionaire.
The queerest method of deliberate auicide
onr cord is reported from Pittston, Me.,
wade a man named Watson Goodspeed,
4, ,,earn of ago, is slowly atarvimg himself
to death. He has been without nourishment
eine April 10, taking only a little water,
and at times refusing that. Ho says he
doesn't want to live any longer and will
never oat again.
Capt. Rigio, who r000ntly died at Grand
Talo, La., is said to have been the Iast
survivor of Lafltte's lemons band of pirates.
Alt was the oldest inhabitant of the Island,
having lived there from the time the band
was dispersed. In his early days he
participated in moat of Latitto'a raids, but
when the band was broken up took to
cultivating oranges and other fruits, and
made a snug little fortune.
Tho cfi%cfal statistics read at the last Mor
mon Conference in the Salt Lake City ehow
that "the Churoh of Jesus Christ of Latter
Day Saints" has now twelve apostles, seven
ty patriarche, 3,919 high prieata, 11,505
elders 2,069 prieete, 2,292 teachers, 11,610
deacons, 81,899 families, 119,915 dieters and
members, and 49,303 children under 8 years
of age, a total Mormon population of 153,-
911. Tho number of marriagea for the six
months ending April 6, 1889, was 530; num
ber of births, 2,754; new members baptized,
4S8 ; excommunications, 113.
Dr, Just. of Coral, Mich., thinks that he
has one of the oldest horses in the United
States. Twenty-four years ago he bought
him of Dan Rice, the showman, and then the
horse was said to be 22 years old. Undoubt
edly he was all of that, for horses' ages are
seldom overstated up to 25 yeare. The other
day State Vebermarian Grange made a care-
ful examination of the forty-six year-old, and
pronounced him perfectly sound •of body,
wind, and limb, and apparently good for
twenty years more. Dr. Jaat usee the old
fellow daily in his practice, and he shows
not the slightest signs of his great age.
If any sea captain has had a moro un.
eventful and successful life than Capt.
Nathalie H. Felker of Biddeford, Me. let him
say so. Capt. Felker, who the other day
sold his lash Bailing vessel, the schooner Mes-
senger, and retired from business, was born
sixty. nine years ago. When 9 years old he
went to sea, and has followed it steadily ever
since. During forty of the sixty years he
has been a Captain. In these forty he has
never lost a man, never had a man die at
sea, never lost a spar or a sail, and never
called upon the underwriters for a cent of
insurance money.
This story comes from Boston : A lady
opposed to corporal punishment visited a
s„hool, not in a fashionable part of the city,
just as a boy was being flogged. Before going
away she spoke to the culprit, and asked him
to come and see her on a certain evening,
promising to make it pleasant for him. At
the appointed hour a boy, dressed in Ms
beat, came, and for an hour and more the
lady and her daug'tter laid themselves out
to amuse him. Then the lady begau to speak
of the importance of good behavior andobedf•
ence to rules, when the boy interrupted her:
"Oh, I ain't that feller 1 He gi'me ten cents
ba oome inetider him."
A party of track layers on the Northern
Pacific Railroad, rear Eaet Helena, Mont-
ana, alt S wodee, were returning to the sec-
tion house on a large handcar the other even-
ing,' hen they saw a, passenger tra,n ap•
preaching. They slowed down the car, and
the engineer of the train slowed down, but
a collision could not be avoided. The
Swedes seemed to be dazed. To aman they
stack to the car, but just before the locomo-
tive reached it they pitohed overboard two
barrels of water. The next moment they
were scattered right and left by the collision,
and some of them seriously hurt. They said
that they thought if they lightened the car
by throwing off the water, the concussion
would not be great, and the handcar would
be gently pushed along in front of the loco-
motive.
Here are two startling snake stories from
Maine. The firet comes from Waterville,.
where the post-mortem examination of a
horse that died from unknown causes reveal-
ed in its stomach a "snake four and one-half
feet long, with head and oyea perfect, nix
inches in circumference, and the color of
blood with the exception of awhite stripe on
the back." Another snake Dame from the
stomach of Mrs. Frank Kenny, of Ports-
mouth, N. H., who waa in Biddeford under
medical treatment. In' August, 1886, at a
camp meeting in Alton Bay, she drank water
from a brook, and afterwards became ill.
She was treated for dancer of the stomach,
but stoutly insiated that something moved
within her. TIM other day, by means of a
powerful drug "a light colored snake twelve
and three -eights inches long was disgorged
from her stomach and she has gone home
happy."
The Champion of the Seas.
Blakely Hall, the gossipy correspondent
of the -N. Y. Sun, time describes the wonder-
ful ateamship City of Paris, in which he re-
cently made the Atlantic passage:—The
City of Parte is as fleet as a ghost and as
steady as a church. When it blows hard
she heels over like a champion cutter, and
rushes into the teeth of a gale with her lee
scuppers under water and the sea boiling
along her main deck rail like a torrent torn
from the verge of a mighty whirlpcol. She
is oue of the few ships afloat that seem like
a racer to a man who is on board.
Building a fast boat is nob a matter of feet
and inches by any means, The quality of
speed is as ahadowy, nebulone, and evasive,
as the conscience of a boy who loves to lark
and play, The City of New York and the
City of Paris are alike in every detail, and
with equal power in their engines. Yet the
Paris rang 515 miles in twenty-four hours
through a heavy sea and with a head wind
biasing through her rigging, while the New
York works heavily along in the rear. It ie
iaate to predict that the Paris will be queen
of the seas for several yearn to come, for she
has as much power as a boat of her size can
'reasot,ably posseae, while the is bleated bo.
sides by the gift of speed.
The last trip over from England was the
most noteworthy that the City of Parte has
made, The record of 515 miles in a day,
great aa is Is, sinke out of sight when cos.
pared to the running of the ship in the North
tweet gale which she encountered the flint
throe days out. It was a gale of no mean pro-
portions, an ie proved by the delay of all the
other steamers that were beaten back by it,
while the City ot Paris rushed through the
seas in a fashion that recalled the antics of
the racing machine Stiletto down the bay on
one of the big cup days. Tbo City of Perla
lent her way through the water with a vehe-
monoo that was almcat human, The dia.
tante from the water to the rep of her smoke
ataoka is, roughly apeaking, about the aame
as the height of a five story hone°, but she
threw the epray far above the stacks aa aha
ploughed along. It whizzed up in the air in
a perpetual sheet of water, whipped until it
locked like milk, and blown back by the gale
iu atreame of rain. The entire ebip wan de.
lusted by the spray, She muat have been a
manifcent sight from a distance, Her run.
ning in this weather was between 440 and
500 miles a day, even when it was neoeesary
to Blow down for a time. Thus her speed is
as high in rough as in smooth weather.
She behaved well. The strong lean to lee-
ward gave her decks a steep incline, but she
did not roll. She pitehoa more than she toile,
but owing to her immense arza she gets a fore
and aft motion only in a heavy sea. The jar
from the twin screws is perceptible, but it
does not seem much more pronounced than
the usual tremble that the engines impart
to the tables in oho saloon.
The flyer is manned by young men, and a
quick, alert, and amart air pervades her
from stem to stern. Capt. Watkine is still
young, and his first cf cer is considerably his
junior. The purser, the doctor, and the
chief engineer aro all in the thirties, and
most of the errands on the ship aro perform.
led by an active band of limber little
lads, who have been taken from the
achoolehips, and scurry about in a fashion
that is in consonance with the general air of
activity which pervades the greatest of ooean
racers. Everything about her apeaka of
speed, and she is probably fib to be classed
to day ae the champion of tho world.
Prefers the Canadian Girl.
Boston Herald ; Two points of advantage
the Canadian girl pommies over the Ameri-
can, end these are precisely the qualities that
particularly appeal to men ; she is more ro-
mantic and more eubmisaive. While as full
of sentiment as the ideal love letters tied
with blue ribbon, the still regards man as
her lord and master. She rarely dreams of
disputing the aapromacy of husband, father
or even brother, and her privilege and plea-
sure is to minister unto them. She is so affec-
tior.ate in her home circle that the average
man has only to be admitted there to straight-
way fall head over heels in love with a girl
who worships her brother, is forever kissing
her fond father and dieputos with her sisters
the honor and delight of warming the pater.
nal slippere. Even when of "high station,"
she takes her turn in making the tea and
preparing the toast and superintending the
breakfast generally, a task which mamma
relegates to her daughters. The Canadian
girl breathes this engaging air of domesticity.
Man doesn't say, " How she can waltz,
how well she looks at tho opera, how she
surpasses all the other girls in the cotillion!"
No matter to what advantage she may
appear in evening dress, under the soft radi-
ance of the wax candles, what the most in-
veterate bachelor whispers to himself,ie this ;
"By George 1 What a wife she would make !
And what a home 1"
It Puzzled this Dentist.
•‘ It's a mystery to me," said a dentist of
large practice recently, "that a woman will
make up her face to come to a dentist's
chair. Yet many of them do. Hardly a
day passes that 1 don't have some women in
here rouged, powdered and penciled to the
last degree. Yon would think they would
hardly care to face the strong, cruel light
which I employ in my work, or my own
close, if involuntary, sorutiny, but they
don't seem to mind either. Only yesterday
I worked for three hours over a woman
whose lips were so beemudged with some
vermilion paste that it Dame off generously
with every nee of the syringe to wash out
her mouth. The powder on her faoe dusted
my coat sleeve with every motion almost,
and I discovered before I was through with
her that even the veins on her temples
owed their delicate blue look to some out-
side influence,"—[New York Sun.
Ihdignant.
The thrifby peasant Nezr-ed-din one day
received a viaib from his needy cousin, Hafix-
the-Ill Favored, who beeought of him the
loan, for a day, of hie donkey.
" I should be most happy, good cousin,"
said Nazr-ed•din, "but unfortunately he hae
gone astray, and I have no manner of krow-
ledge where he may be,"
The word, were no sooner spoken than
the donkey set up a lona braying from a
shed in the yard, "Hee-honk 1 hae-honk 1"
" But, good Nazr 1" exclaimed Hafix,
"there is surely thy donkey at home and
seemingly quite well."
Whereupon Nazr-ed-din rose in great
wrath and showed Hafix the door.
" Begone, scoundrel 1" he shouted e
" Wouldet thou insult me in my own housy
by taking the word of a donkey before my
owu?"
Next to living with honor is to die with
honor.
ADVICE TO YOUNG MEN.
Don't mistake notoriety for fame.
Do not let others spend the money you
earn.
Don't do work unworthy of you if you can
avoid ib.
Don't say "I am a gentleman ;" it is never
necessary.
Ba Loyal to death to those who have be-
friended you.
When you aseiet the needy don b do it os
tentatiouely.
Silence is the beat weapon to nee agaiuet a
vulgar and spiteful tongue.
In ninety nine eases in a hundred the man
you wish dead outlives you.
Don't introduce a lady's name where you
wouldn't introduce the lady.
Dan': count much on friendships formed
in cafes. They never turn out well.
Remember impertinence isn't wit, any
more than insolence is brilliancy.
If young men will not believe in them-
selves, no man or woman can believe in
them.
Don't indulge in the luxury of strong op-
iniene in the presence of your eldera and
betrere.
If yon haven't the moral courage to laugh
at aueerere, then you are another of nature's
mistakes,
Don't tette about what you are "going "
to do ; then, if yon fail to aocomplieh it,
nobody will know.
If youlearn that people say spiteful, wick-
ed allege about you, and untruthful Mingle
at that, he silent.
It isn't a very nice thing for a young man,
or any oue for that matter, to amile in a
superior way at ignorance.
Do not be afraid to go near your enemy.
The nearer you get to a kicking horse the
less damage will result to your peraon.
Never let a day pass without thinking
eerionely, if only for a moment, of death, It
will rob it of more than hall its terrora.
Trea, all men and women considerately
and you will be surprised at the dividends
that will come to you daily and yearly.
The man who does a generous act and Iate
the world into the secret shows the world
a peach after rubbing the bloom from it.
Cultivate a cheerful frame of mind and
the mind will mold the facto and the tongue
and the voice into something irresistible.
You never want to liaten complacently to
injudicious or extravagant praise, nor to
" funny" atorlea at the expense of women.
If you do a good piece of work in finance,
journalism, politics, art, must°, or literature,
do not spoil it by voluntarily speaking of it
complacently ; and, on the other hand, do
not speak of it disparagingly.
Easy Soientfio Experiment,
An intoreating home-made method of nat.
ural decoration consists simply in taking a
glasa or goblet and placing in the interior a
little common salt and water, In a day or
two a alighb mist will bo seen upon the glass,
which hourly will increase, until iu a very
short time the glass will present a beautiful
appearance, being enlarged to twice its thick-
neas and covered with beautiful ,alt crystals
packed one upon another, like some peculiar
fungus or animal growth. A dish should be
placed beneath the glass, as the crystals will
run over.
The color of the crystals may bo changed
by placing in the salt and water some own.
mon red ink or a spoonful of blue ink ; this
will be absorbed and tho white surface coo•
ered with exquisite tints,
No more simple method of producing in-
expensive or beautiful ornaments can be im-
agined, and by using different shapes of vases
and shades an endless variety of beautiful
forms can bo produced. The glass should be
placed where there is plenty of warmth and
sunlight.
Another scientific experiment which may
interest some of the older, as well as the
younger, members of the family may be made
by suspending from the ceiling a thread
which has previously been soaked in very
salt water and then dried.
To this fasten a light ring and announce
that you are about to born the thread with-
out making the ring fall. The thread will
burn, it is true, but the ashes it leaves are
composed of crystals of salt and their cohe-
sion is strong enough to sustain the light
weight of the ring attached to the thread.
Another form of the same experiment into
make a little hammock of muslin to be sus-
pended by four threads, and after having
soaked this in salted water and dried it as
before directed, to place in it an empty egg.
shell.
Set the hammock on fire ; the muslin will
be consumed and the flame reach the threads
which hold it without the egg falling from
its frail support. With great care you may
succeed in forming the experiment with a
full egg in place of an empty shell, taking the
precaution, however, to have it previously
nerd boiled, that you may escape an omelet
in case of failure.
Another curious experiment is that of put-
ting an egg into abobtle without breaking the
shell. Soak the egg, which must be fresh,
for several days in strong vinegar. The acid
of the vinegar will eat the lime of the shell,
eo that while the egg looks the same it is
really very soft.
Only a little care is required to press the
egg into the bottle. When this is done fill it
half full of lime water and let it stand, The
shell will absorb the lime and become hard
again, and after the lime water is poured off
you have the curious spectacle of an egg the
usual size in a small necked bottle, which
will be a great puzzle to those who do not
understand how it is done.
The Sona of the Scythe.
Mowers, weary and brown and blithe,
What is the word methinks ye know,
Endless over -word that the scythe
Singe to the blades of the grass and be-
low i
Scythes that swing in the grass and clover,
Something still they say as they pass ;
What is the word that, over and over,
Sings the scythe to the flowers and grass?
"Hash 1 ah, hush 1" the scythe are saying
"Hush, and heed not, and fall asleep ;
"Hush 1" they say to the grasses swaying,
"Hush 1" they sing to the clover deep.
"Hush 1" 'tie the lullaby Time is singing,
"Hush, and heed not for all things pass.
"Hufh 1 ah, hush 1" and the scythe are
swinging
Over the clover; over the grass.
ANDREW LANG.
Its Tendency,
Teacher—" What influence has' the moon
upon the tide?" High School Girl—" I
don't exactly know what effect it has on the
tied, but it has a tendency to make the
untied awful epoony,"
God's Measure,
BY L A. MORRISON,
" Be ye therefore perfect, even as your
Father in Heaven is perfect."—Matthew v.
48.
"Be perfect." said Jena, "aa He, who
above,
In Heaven, is perfect,"—in action and love;
And this is His measure of living for me ;
'Tia holy as sinless perfection can be.
My soul is appalled at the compass of this,
And shrinks—in amaze—at the awful abyea
Out -reaching, beyond where the mortal hath
trod,
Away to the perfect perfection of God.
In me is pollution,—I know I am vile ;
But ,God is all pureness,—In Him is no
guile.
My life, at its sources, is darkened by sin,—
But God hath all lighr and all brightness
within.
The pules of my being vibrates to my
breath,—
My body is held in the bondage of death ;
But God ia—Himself—the I AM and I
OUGHT,
And life and eternity are but Hie thoeghe.
$o,—helpleas, undone. do my weakness I
cry : —
" I never eau reach- thee, so holy and
high,—
In pity and mercy my impotence see,
And reach, and reveal Thyself, downward
to me 1'
He au ewers : My Father—Jehovah—le kind ;
Himeelf, in the 1'umau, my Brother, I find;
In Christ, all his fultueev, on me fs bestow.
ed,—
And through Him my soul is made perfect
in God.
" Tux ELats," Toronto.
t- eit;hbors.
Your name ie Helen ; are you dark or fair ?
Deep blue your eyes, or black as shadows
are
That lie in woods at midnight ? Tell me
aweet,
What form you wear—Iarge, medium, or
petite?
I never saw you, nor yen me, I ween,
And yet our veraca en the sell -same sheet
Are printed in the last new ma;azine.
I fain would know, fair neighbor, if your
song
Came from tido woodiande, or the city'!
throng,
From mountain taatnees, or beside the aea t
Breathed it in chambered solitude, or free
Aa birds on wing, amid some sylvan scene?
I pray you grow,acqua£nb, and lotus be
Noighbora in thought as in the magezlae.
So may I ask if you are deeply blue
(As to the hose, I mean) or juet a true,
Bright little woman—nothing Bostoneso—
Whoee song Is sung without a thought to
please
Aught but the !Inger? May I read between
The lines, and ask auoh things as these
Hoping they'll print them in the magazine ?
Did hope dofered—that is the wooer time
Betwixt acceptance and the printed rhyme—
Make your sweet heart, like my old batter-
ed soul,
Endure long agonies, and nurse the whole
Confounded tribe of editors whose keen,
Cool, business sense would not at once en.
roll
Our burning thoughts in their next mag•
rzine ?
And did you
track,
From leading articles to Brio a -Brae
E %oh page, lest haply they had hid your
verse
Between some dreary kind of prose 2—or
worse,
Lopped off a line to pad a page, and then
Misepelt your name, the tender poet's nurse?
Alas, for poets in a magazine 1
I question idly. Chance, and chance alone
Upon one page my verse and yours has
thrown,
But, let me whisper e'er I drop my pen,
I am the steadiest of all married men,
And write these lines—oh, may they yet be
seen
By your bright eyes 1 in hopes they'll bring
me ten
Or twenty dollars from some magazine.
R. T. W. Dean, Jr.,
anxiously
each
The Olaim to Behring Sea.
Chicago Herald : It is a principle of inter-
national law that the high teas are free and
open to alt nations. They cannot become
the property of any nation, for no nation can
enclose and poeeese them, They are for the
common benefit of mankind. The present
Secretary of State is evidently of a different
mind and intends to establish a new rule for
the guidance of natiors, He intends to show
them that ordinary lawa do not bind the
great American people, and that when
the United States choose to assert their
right to an open sea that right must be re
spected. The claim now made by the Gov-
ernment is that Behring Sea belongs to
this country by virtue of the purchase of
Alaska from Rusks, and that the United
States have an exclusive right to all the eeal
fiaheriea therein. A ¢lance at the map will
show that this sea is in reality a part of the
Pacific Ocean. It is more than a thousand
miles wide. It is not inclosed by land. It
has always been a highway for all nations.
It is true that when'Alaaka was owned by
Russia, that empire claimed exclusive right
to the sea, bub by no power was that claim
more euccesefnlly coateeted than by the
United States. When John Quincy
Adams was Secretary of State under
Monroe he negotiated a treaty with
Russia by which that power abandoned
its absurd et, E viand made the same
cnnteeb an'.: . the +tame abandonment.
When the U fitted States secured Alaaka the
aatut° Mr, Seward thought there wouhJ be
no harm In having Russia convey all her
right to Behring sen along with the territory,
and this he obtained, But it conveyed no
right to the oea for the very good reason
that Ramie had none. The State Depart-
ment is now reviving the old Russian claim
and is aeeking to maintain an exclusive
jurisdiction over that valet body of water.
In-ao doing it stultifies the past record of the
Government, as well as runs counter to
every international principle. It is not
likely that the American people will sup-
port Mr, Blaine to the verge of war upon
any such contention,
•
Thirty Yearn in a Whale,
ANew London, Conn., despatch to the
New York "Sun" saya : Captain L.Nathan
Rogers, an old wbaleman of thia city, has
juet returned from a crnieo among the ail
barrels and try kettels o:t New B 1frrd'e
wharves, l:a sive the ahlorb:ag typic
6,r,o;*; whala tianermen there is the
Arrival in that city of a harpoon which was
taken from a whale captured in the Oehotex
Sea last summer by the barque Cape Horn
Pigeon. The iron bore the name of the ill-
fated ship Thomas Dickason, and was as
bright and sharp as when firab sunk through
the side of the whale. It had broken off close
to the shank and was imbedded in the
blubber. This le the first fragment of the
Dickason to return to New England after
thirty years. She sailed from Now Bedford
on Nov. 2, 1856, and was lost in the Ochotek
Sea in the summer of 1859. Captain Regina,
who is well versed in the habits of the
leviathans of the deep, says the whale
must have been struck by the Dickason on
her last oruiee in those waters. On the
iron was the name of the maker. Its
brightness is accounted for by the prettier -
venue of the whales blubber. The whale
was a large one, and proved a good catch for
the Caps Horn Pigeon. Mr. Wm, R. Wing
now has the harpoon.
Boston Takes Alarm.
Boston Herald : Tho effort to exclude the
Canadian railroads from participation in
American trade has been carefully planned,
and those engaged in it have been for more
than a year past laying the wires and roll.
month e er ing the logs in such a way as to make it
easy for the Senate Ccmmittee to report a
bill in their favor. If they succeed, as from
their hard work and political inflaenoo they
have good reaeon to think that they will, the
railroad kings of New York and Pennsyl-
vania will have New England at their mercy.
They are now compelled to allow freight to
come to Boston on terms similar to thoae
paid by merchants in Now York and Phila-
delphia, because the Grand Trunk and the
Canadian Pacific farce them so to do ; but if
they relieve themselves from this competi-
tion, Boston merchants can whistle for their
trade.
The Power of Love.
There is much that may be done
By a gentle, loving one 1
Her sweet mercy's prayer to breathe ;
Her the manly brow to wreathe
In fadeless garlands from above,
Gemmed with the dew of Heaven's love ;
To soothe the oareworn, troubled breast,
To guard the weary pilgrim's rest,
To close the eyes of age and youth,
To whisper of celestial truth,
Much—ah, much—may e'er be done
By a gentle, loving one.
An Adopted Brother.
"Hullo, Black 1"
"Hullo, White 1"
"You're going to be a brother-in-law of
mine, I hear."
"A brother-in-law!"
°Yea,"
"How can that be? I'm not going to enter
into your family, as far as I know."
"You are going to marry Miss Brown,
ain't you 2"
"I am."
"Well, she's my sister."
"Your sister?"
"Yes, she promised to be a sister to me
always, as much as three months ago."
Base Falsehood.
"Elmwood enjoys the reputation of be-
ing a very truthful man."
I dont see where he got the reputa-
tion."
"And why not ?"
"He was giving us some vooal music the
other day ; he started out by singing 'I
Cannot Sing the Old Songs' and immediate-
ly afterwards switched off to 'Sweet
Viole ts.' No truthful man would do that."
The Best Precaution.
Charley (visiting a friend and surprised to
find hits with his head tied up and his arm
in a sling)—Why, what in the world is the
matter with you, Harry ?
Harry—Run over by a cab while I was
coming home from a dinner party.
I say, old boy, you ought not to drink so
much.
That's not it, Cholly. There's no harm in
drinking, but I ought to stay indoors when I
am tight.
For impressive eloquence there has never
been anything like cannon mouths and rifle
muzzles since the world began,
Unrestricted Reciprocity
may be of lueetimable advantage to Canada
or it may be a mere "fad" as its oppenenta
call it, but no one can deny that Nasal Balm,
has done more for sufferers from catarrh than
any other remedy known. Mr. Thomas
Reche, Rochefort, Ont., Bays :—I have suf-
fered severely from catarrh, and never got
any relief until I used Nasal Balm. I never
thought I could find so sure a cure. It is
a pity all afflicted with catarrh do not know
of and use this wonderful medicine,
A Distinction with a Difference.—He—
Will you be mine? She (curtly)—No. He
—May I be yours ? She (graciously)—Yoe.
" How do you know Alf was drunk yes-
terday ?" " Why, he had no hat on ; and,
besides, I saw him stick a postage"stamp on
hie nose and try to get into a letter box."
Fresh barber (shaving customer)—Who is
that old hen going along the other side of the
street with a bustle on herlike a boxingglove?
Customer (rising deliberately and looking)—
That ? Oh, she's my wife.
The only solution.—" I am so indignant
that I cannot properly express myself 1"
cried the speaker. " Then put a stamp on
yourself and go by mail," was the unsym-
pathetic response.
Mr. Smith (whose hen•houee hae recently
been depleted)—" Those look very much like
my chickens, Uncle Jonas."
Uncle Jonas—" Well, Mr. Smif, you know
the wurl' turns ober from sae' to wes', an' as
yer place am gas' ob dis, de yearth, in turn -
in', mus' er flung 'em ober de fence jurin' de
nits. Dar's de only ,planation I can gib ob
de 'currence, sah.'
News editor—" Here are some telegrams
about the evictions—"
Great editor—" Give it a column, and I'll
write a big editorial on ib."
News editor—" About the eviotiona of a
lot of honest settlers from the Maxwell
great claim in Colorado seized by a lot of
American politicians."
Great editor—" Poor ! No one cares for
that,"
The Skeleton at the Marriage Feast.—
Mrs. Jerfey Hytes—" Of course you are
having a delightful wedding journey, dear T"
Mrs. de Bosuf (of Chicago)—" Ib was pretty
solemn until we reached Buffalo. We
brought Mr. de Boeuf's first wife's remains
as far as there ; but the rest of the trip was
delightful, tnank you."
Onion parties are fashionable in Nebraska.
Six girls stand in a row, while one bites a
small chunk out of an onion, and a young
man pays ten Dents for a guess as to which
one it was. If he guesses right, he gets to
kiss the other five, but if he doesn't he is on-
ly allowed to kiss the one that bit the onion.
This amusement is said to bo highly popular
with Nebraska young people.
Not a Providential Visitation.
The Rev. Dr. Withrow, an eloquent Pres-
byterian divine of Chiicago, in a recent
sermon dwelt upon the Johnstown die-
astr r with special reference to the '1 provi-
dential" features of the calamity. He
said the reaponaibility for nearly all
disasters was found in the cupidity or
the ico£ishreel of men, The wealthy
men who kept the lake for their plea-
sure and the railroad company that built
a bridge acrcee the channel of the river
were to blame for the awful loss of life in,
the valley of the Conemaugh.
A cyclone that destroys a city, a tornado
that elnke a ship in mid ocean, or a blast of
lightning that starts a disastrous fire are
things in nature a hioh one cannot avoid and
for which he is not to blame.
When au epidemic break, out in some city
it la an insult to God to attribute the blame
to him. Rather ask what the board of
health and the city council has been doing;
see if they have not neglected their duty.
Providence was not responsible for the
loss of life at Conemaugh. The clubmen
who maintained the reservoir as a fiahing
and boating reaort, careless of the Barger to
others, were to blame. Nearly all disasters,
great and small, could be traoad to maul*
defiance of the laws of nature established
by Gad, and it ie sacrilegious to, say that
calamities such as that at Conemaugh are
visitations of providence or punishments in-
flicted by an angry God.
Who is Responsible ?
" Men built their homes under an Imper-
fectly conatruoted dam and refused to move
wharf warned again and again," said the
Rev, it. H. Barbour, of Buffalo, in his
sermon on the Conemaugh valley disaster,
"They uttered no word of protest against
the maintenance of the peril for the pleasure
of a sporting club, and took no steps to
compel the repair of small leaks in the struc-
ture, They virtually defied the floods to do
their work, but when the pent-up waters
burst their insufficient barriers and swept
on to wreck hopes, homes, and hearts, the
auf erera bang away their bibles, menaced
religion, and cursed God 1
" It is folly to charge the recent appalling
disaster to Almighty trod, for that disaster,
with all its attendant lose and horror, is the
direet remit of human folly, human selfish
Este, huan►:: rec:c1eisaesa and wickedness.
The building of the great dam was an exhi-
bition of eel ahneas—a manifestation of the
e pirit so common in our land to pinch and
economize in every poaeible way without
a thought to the interests ot others. Land•
lords expose their tenants to diaeaso rather
than bear the expense of providing proper
sanitary safeguards ; contractors construct
buildings that, are liable to fall down that
they may make a few more dollars ; manu-
facturers neglect to provide their factories
with 6re•eaeapoa, and no on every side we
See the inolination to regard money as of
more coneequenoo than life,
"The Conemaugh dam was a menace to the
proeerty and livea of people living below it.
There was always danger of the disaster,
but nevertheleea the wealthy fisherman mast
have their pleasure ; the vast artificial lake
must be kept up for their recreation, the
wishes of others be what they might.
Though the people of the valley long knew
of their danger and Should have demanded
an investigation, what shall be said of the
fisbing club men who, knowing the dam wan
but a heap of dirt with loose stone facings,
threatened their honest employes who
pointed out the danger ?
"To call this Johnstown calamity a dis-
pensation of providence is nonsense ; to
term it an accident is false—it was man-
slaughter and the responsibility rests upon
too Plttaburg association that owned or con-
trolled the lake and dam. They should
answer for the wrecked homes, the awful
desolation, the broken hearts, the shattered
fortunes, the crowded cemeteries, and the
unccff sed dead in the Conemaugh valley 1
It is to be hoped that legal proceedings will
be begun and pushed to the very end
against these men. Tho lesson is needed."
In a Tiger's Claws.
It is the unexpected adventure which
lends the thrilling element to the aporta-
man's life. An Englishman relates a stirr-
ing incident which occurred in a Bengal
jungle. As he was walking through the
jungle, he failed to keep up with the other
members of the party.
Suddenly I heard a rustle in the under -
wood, and almost at the same moment an
enormous tiger presented himself, and
prepared to spring upon me. I had never
seen a more magnificent beast, and I could
not help admiring him, notwithstanding the
danger of my position. But there was no
time to bo lost. I immediately presented
my rifle and tired.
As ill luck would have it, neither shot
struck, and in another second the tiger was
on me, and had thrown me down, his claws
buried in my left shoulder. I had no par-
ticular sensation of fear, and I remember
thinking quite calmly as I lay on the ground,
the tiger's hot breath coming against my
face, "It's all up with me now."
But at that moment my faithful little
Mango came to the rescue ; he bit the tiger's
tail so severely that the beast immediately
released his hold, and turned round to seize
hie new adversary. Bat Mungo, as sharp
and wary as he was plucky, was off in the
tall grass in an instant,
The tiger followed, but the dog had the
advantage over him, as he could run through
the grass and under the brushwood at a
pace which the other could not keep up
with. In fact, it was almost comical to see
how the great creature bounded about in its
useless chase after the dog.
But I knew that the tiger, disappointed
of seizing Mungo, would soon be back again
to attack his master, so I reloaded my gun
and stood awaiting his return. In a short
time he was before me once more, and again
I levelled my gun as well as I could, con-
sidering the pain is my shoulder.
The first elicit mieaed, but the second
struck the tiger in the shoulder, crippled
him, and made him roli about in agony.
Reloading as rapidly as possible, I went
nearer to him, aimed deliberately, and this
time gave him his quietus. Soareely had I
done so before Mungo Dame bounding up to
me, looking into my face and whining as if
with joy at seeing me safe.—[Chambers'°
Journal.
Kept himself mighty quiet—Prof. Wig-
gins, who assumed control of the earth and
nut -lying planets a few years ago, says ;
" The sun is going away from the earth."
This is the first time we knew Old Sol had
been here, Funny that none of the reporters
got on to it. He must have landed on the
other side.
An English clergyman, it is said, who was
recently telling the story of the Good Sama-
ritan, got two incidents in the Bible mixed,
with a decidedly ludicrous result. After re-
citing the good Samaritan's promise to the
landlord of the inn, 'B And when I come`
again I will repay thee," he added, " This
ill() said, knowing that he should see his face,
ale more,'