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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Wingham Advance-Times, 1975-12-24, Page 17M 1 • • 4) M • tit M • the weekly boonsJ youi' 1.4104wei pauper, Win,** • 4vs*ee 14111e$ ,and Motet Forest, .Cont 0 000 tt .**id by 33#20 peOp1e in the "lie•r hand: of Midwestern Ontario". (teased on 3.5 readers eeelh of ao504 homes.) Exclusive! An inside look Published every week in The tisfowel Banner, The Wingham Advance -Times and The Mount Forest. Confederate by Wenger Bros. Limited. -Crossroads—r h that red-nosed.Rudolph.... `Come on �'ellc�s, where's With a tearful twinkle in his eye that dripped all the way down to his love beads, the much -ma- ligned Rudolph the Red -Nosed Reindeer sagged into his pad. "Another day another dollar," he thought aloud. The pressure was getting to him. All he wanted to do was run the best harness this side of the North Pole. But not the others. After all these years, the staunch fleet -footed former run- ning back for the North Pole Reindeers was through. It was A one -reindeer strike or nothing. "Let them find their own way this year. They won't have this liberated reindeer to hoof around anymore," he pronounced. Shock waves followed as the news hit the "jungle telegraph". It was only a matter of time be- fore Mr. Big would find out. And then look out. Santa ran a tight ship. Nothing would stop the Big Red Machine from delivering the goods -not even a Rudolphless team. The situation was complicated by the fact that Santa was having one of his famous sinus attacks and all communication with him was temporarily cut. Things sim- mered. , It was terrible for the reindeer as they went through the motions of two=a-day practices for the Big Christmas Night. The North Pole was in for trouble. One strike and the world might look for another team to carry the goods. It had never happened before. Meanwhile .. . "Oh no. Here he comes," Prancer grunribled to Dancer as they went through the motions of a practice for the Big Take -Off. • "Just ignore him. And what- ever you do don't let him in the line. If he pushes his way in I'll kick him from behind and you pull his hippie beard." "Right." 'As Rudolph approached he knew what to expect. Hehad no intention of 'causing a fuss. He just wanted to watch. He didn't like standing on the sidelines like that. He wasn't even injured. He was healthy or at least he thought so. Obviously nobody else did. Pulling up about 100 feet short of the icy practice field, Rudolph reflected. It was only last year when he proudly announced to his com- rades that he had found the secret to life that would help all the reindeer—meditation. Through the guffaws and "come off it Rudy", he gallantly tried to ex- plain to his unenlightened team that this was the only way they could all reach North Pole Nir- vana. Sure they had done the job ever since they started (nobody could quite remember when that was). But if they could avoid all that bickering, like "stop pulling me along" and "quit stepping on my hoof", why not? No, they wouldn't have any part of it. They just called him a screwball and laughed him off. He showed them: Not once did he complain last year while they all chattered away about the cold, the long hours and anything else that came across their minds. Of course, Santa was a little annoyed when Rudy's chanting was so loud, anyone might have thought Santa was the world's newest maharishi. Oh yes, he thought as he watched the team lose its way on the practice field with a light fog rolling in. Three years ago, that was a time. It wasn't such a bad idea. All the reindeer voting on the best route to take instead of the Old Man doing it himself. Never even brought it up to the fat jolly man. No guts. A scream interrupted Ru- dolph's reminiscing. "No, I don't care! We need that funny red -nosed existentialist!" It was good of,Comet yelling, Rudolph said to °trnself. The old softie. If you snuckup behind him at night and whispered " comes the Old Man", that reindeer would jump up in hi sleep, snap his hooves to atten- tion and start flying every time. The •North Pole medic got a little tired of treating old, Comet for headaches. Banged his head on re point. But he wasn't ready for Can't blame Dancer. He's what was next. made his way back into the first - "Why not, Dancer? If we wear string. capes with lettering on them in "I guess poor Dancer's had it," fluorescent orange spelling, Rudolph thought. Last year he "SUPER -SANTA AND CREW", went along with another Rudolph then all the children will be able spectacular. to see us, putting to rest that now- The Balmy South vicious rumor that there is no All he wanted was to book a Santa. Perfect, isn't' it?" two-week stay in the Bahamas or Antarctica: in the South pole On e off-season. No work, just two submit my resignation, effective immediately until such time that Santa's eight so-called reindeer come to their sensesand agree to come off the North Pole band- wagon. It is with great regret I do this." Silence. One by one they left without a word. The news spread like wild fire through the North Pole. The very next day the North Pole Advanced Confounder screamed in eight column head - our Sox& of the ideas seemed OK at first but now in the clear light, of the North be realized some were impracticable. Like his idea to form a singing group complete with Santa leading on guitar, the elves banging out tunes from the past and the reindeer beating a soul -thumping melody. And making Santa into a movie star by bootlegging home movies of the Old Man into Hollywood. It would've sold a million. And , when they first invented the auto. We had to stay with the times, you know, Rudolph told Steve s referred to in the .North as "The Little Red Machine". • Making his way .through the stacks and stacks of finished toys he searched for Effie; the factory manager. Nowhere to be found. Rudolph asked one of the elder. statesmen of they train -making crew where the boss was.. "He's in with the other ,hl ead elfies," he said. As Rudolph made for the conference room he overheard . some of the elves, "Boy, he's really stirred things up this year. It may' be his last. But I like his spunk. Maybe we could find'a place for him on the Barbie Doll line here. No, his hooves would get in the way. oh well, he cpuld.) • 'dot's first and me and Claus. "But • you. want an help of dirt fron Claus' kitchlen, 1 night that," Santa : said as his figure rolled. fr9m,,his Jaug' Here, they were •,again. thou pushing for the longer time. Better not even to them he ,thought' as he `turned one ; • hog: and wheeled` away "Who was that,,y. the.:heacd elf' said, "I doll'knob►. maybe it was one of our' new self -watt • starting reindeer toysr" said No, it. cant lee. ready yet." No Exit The reindeer had always warned not to 1dI3 :10things along the trail for fear of;"injuring afpkii'se1ves'^ *it, Rodolphe dwit an ay. Hip 4/44 in that mood. By the time hefreached M .m the roof every time. But there he is again. Whoops. Prancer in all his magnificent bulliness just clonked him on the noggin. Well, back to see old Doc Hgtifartdnlouth. "1 Met want to hear that sissie's name again!" Prancer yelled at Comet. "Lay off him. You made your point," Dancer, the voice of rea- son, said. Not even Dancer would go along with me this year, Rudolph thought,, as he heard his voice. The Grand Experiment Dancer wasn't too excited• about the idea until it was proper- ly explained to him, Rudolph thought. For years more • and more children had begun to doubt the existence of Santa and his crew—and at younger ages. That was enough of that, Rudolph screamed at Dancer that night. As far as Rudolph was con- cerned, Santa deserved all the credit coming to him. But it was when -Rudolph told Dancer about a conversation he overheard at one child's house that he turned around. A little boy and girl sitting awake in bed yelled to their parents through the closed door, "It's OK now daddy, you can play --T . Dancer didn't like it. After hours of haggling we agreed to tone the message down and settled forbright red lettering for the sleigh, "SANTA . AND HIS REINDEER". 'With thatwe `were off to con- `vince the other seven reindeer to go along with the idea. All we needed were three other reindeer to go along with the idea. It would be easy—we thought. Prancer with his bullhe A- ness was a lost cause ar you couldn't blame Comet foi going along. If he didn't Prancer might slow down a bit in line during practice and give him a soft hoof in the chest. He was always threatening Comet with that although nobody had ever seen him do it. Comet was scared any- way. Oh well, that left five—Vix- en, Dasher, Donder, Cupid and Blitzen. Dasher was always too busy tuning up his lightning speed. You couldn't even get him to sit still to explain the situation let alone hope to have him vote for you. Donder would always go along with the crowd. Cupid was great for one-liners at the annual reindeer bash but otherwise he wouldn't say a word. He might come to the rescue though. 4' weeks of undiluted frolic in the south, Rudolph told Dancer last year. Word had it that this one re- sort Rudolph had in mind at-, `tracted the. shapeliest female reindeers this end of Hollywood. No matter, it would be great --a little wine, a little dancing, a little whatever. What could go wrong? The most opportune time to bring it up to the other reindeer would be a few weeks before the Big Night when the pressure was really building. The others would be glad to hear about the balmy South Pole weather, the lovely icebergs, the indescribable An- tarctic sunshine and those always fantastic excursions to the South's rugged interior. At one especially delicious dinner whipped together by the world-renowned gourmet cook unmatched by none, Mrs. S. Claus, Rudolph boldly broached the subject. "Ahem-Ahem—order, order. Can I borrow your reindeer ears—a little joke fellow pioneers of the North and points beyond— ahem." he started. "As you all know I've been deeply engrossed in total and un- controllable thought for days now. From the far side of the table, "Oh oh, here it comes. I told you this was the night Rudolph drops his yearly bomb on us. It's funny though. I wonder what number he'll do on us this time." "Quiet in the back. And stop shuffling those hooves in the front." With the assistance of black- board, diagrams, L-shaped curves, slide rule and a line of hype not heard since the Music Man came to River City, Rudolph dazzled that crowd with some fancy hoof work for nearly two hours. "Alright wake up in the back. The most important point is still to come." "Cut it out, Rudolph," Prancer bellowed. "What` are you trying to pull'. How much do you get out Santa and leave all our gifts trom Blitzen was enthusiastic about of this round trip? What's your Simpson -Sears. If you can play everything, whether he lilttied it or slice of the Christmas Cake, Santa we can make believe we not. He was the only one of the Rudolph? asleep," they giggled. reindeer who got excited about "Do us all a favor, will ya? Go "Terrible," Rudolph grumbled the most ordinary things, even home. get some sleep—and to Dancer. "Can you imagine sleep. When the Old Man gave the please let us get some." Rudolph that? Santa's been replaced in word to bed down for the night he dropped the idea. children's minds by an account- would always shout. "Let's go But at this year's annual vision - ant who couldn't fly up a chimney fellow snow Blushers!" Drove giving Rudolph put his foot down, like Santa if he twitched his nose everybody up the wall, but other- after receiving only polite ap- from now to kingdom -come." wise he was a good egg. plause about his fluorescent sign "And 1 know old Santa over- Vixen, always worrying. idea. heard it too. And let me tell you, "What if Santa's not well'. What "OK, OK. If that's the way you Dancer, it hurt the Old Man more if the elves run behind sched- want it. I didn't want to do this. than you, or I, or any of the rein- ule?" And so on. No way he'll But for your good and the good of deer can imagine. It was a ter- stick his reindeer neck out. all the reindeer 1 will read this rible sight. We lost that one on a close prepared statement which will be "You know the way he's always second ballot. The only problem released to the press following laughing and chuckling that was once we lost nobody would this meeting. Here it is." night, no matter what. Well, after admit to voting for our side after "As the Conditions of this that house he was laughing al- the secret ballots were opened. working situation are less than right, but his eyes were watery. It Since then it's been Dancer and desired. As the North Pole Con - hurt, I know." Rudolph—"There go the daring stitution clearly delineates such Dancer was ready to come to duo with their hair -brained circumstances, I, Rudolph, the the rescue at any price at that schemes." Red -Nosed Reindeer, do formally lines, "SANTA'S TEAM SPLITS —RED -NOSED RUDOLPH Is QUITS IN HUFF." The front page story began, "In an unprecedented. move, Ru- dolph, of fog -filled, red -nosed' fame, told fellow reindeer last night that unless they joined him in his latest strategy move, he would not ride with the team Christmas night. "The exact details of the North Pole residents. Put Santa strategy that split the reindeer up in a car and give the reindeer a are not known although an un- break. They put in for stand-by named source divulged to the time the Big Night if anything Confounder that the move had went wrong. something to do with Big Night No, those ideas weren't any advertising. good now. This `sign idea was to "Santa Claus was unavailable be it, Rudolph thought. It has to for comment. Secretaries refused go through. to allow calls to go through to the If I don't stand by my guns Old Man. Head elf and Santa's now, all will be lost. Santa de - right hand worker said the jolly served more from the world. For old man was still recovering and goodness sake, the elves had could not be disturbed. nearly wrecked things a few "Unimpeachable sources close Christmases back. They de - to the Bright Red House said, manded more, time to work on however, that they were sure their toys. They said they would Santa would be "displeased" if he not continue on the • job unless were told of the latest move of the orders came through earlier. The perennially maverick Rudolph. load was getting too great, they "In other developments, elves claimed. in the weekly conference room And oh yes, they got their way. huddled for an all -day session to The orders for Christmas come in discuss the dilemma and said by the early fall now, in spite of they would be ready to issue a mail strikes. Upon instructions statement by tomorrow . .. " The Scandal Sheet Taking a stroll the next day, Rudolph wandered by the local variety store, Nanook's of the North, and spotted the local scandal sheet. He picked it up and glanced at it. It was enough to give a rein- deer ulcers. He didn't want them to do that. It was one thing to stand up for your rights. But it was quite another to have a news- paper print word for word. It looked so terrible in print. It made it sound as though the rein- deer had declared a full-fledged war—maybe we had. He stopped himself. Enough of that. When Rudolph arrived at his pad a note had been tacked to his dart board ---"Santa to make an appearance today at noon for lunch. Don't know what's in store. Be there, Rudolph." Oh, oh. This could he a heavy, from the North Pole, towns all thought the intrepid reindeer over the world don't even take Maybe this whole idea wasn't down the Christmas decorations so important after all, Rudolph from year to year. mused. Stretching out on his hay "I wonder what the elves think bed staring at the cracked ceiling about this whole thing anyway," he thought about all the others. Rudolph said. Not bad sorts really. Oh, they have their quirks, but who does- Leaping Elves' nit? With that he leaped to his "Even I have mine," he said hooves and darted his way to the aloud. elves' workshop, affectionately only official tester. He can stamp his hooves over our toys to make sure they're unbreakable." All the elves giggled. "Jeesh," Rudolph thought. "Work here on the inside? Never. He was born to the outdoors. What's going on anyway?" As Rudolph entered the sacred halls of the conference room he could see the mood was sombre. Elf leaders were talking about pushing for their own demands now that Rudolph had started the ball rolling. It was the same routine. The elves were ready to strike for longer working hours. Every chance available they all pushed for the same thing. They wanted quality in their work and wanted to work longer than the strict 15 -hour day Santa had laid down for them . 1n the past, each time they pre- sented the demand to the Old Man, he chuckled and said, "You elves are amazing. You work too hard now and it will only get worse. No I can't allow anyone of you to put in more hours. You're too valuable to the world and to hall the other reindeer had al- ready arrived from a rigorous two-hour session on the field and were just settling down, awaiting Santa's arrival. The bright red man entered si- lently rolling to the front. A hush fell over the reindeer crowd. Here it comes. He began. "Now Dasher, now Dancer, now Prancer and Vixen. Comet, Cupid, Donder and Blitzen—and Rudolph." The red -nosed reindeer squirmed a bit in his chair at the sound of his name. But they all loved the jolly man. And those words from his mouth were pure magic. It was like being out Christmas Night, the thrill and excitement as he shouted their names to the world, "I have not been feeling well as you all know. But I have heard strange things. The reindeer have not been practising to- gether. This must stop imme- diately. We must be prepared mentally and physically for the Big Night. That's all." With that he turned and left. Obviously no, one had told Santa the whole story. All he knew was that something had split his team . The room buzzed with speculation and excited theories as Rudolph sat in the corner mulling it over. "Back to where we started," he said softly to himself. "I thought he might entertain the idea. But how can he if he doesn't know?" Rudolph visibly slumped as he realized the full magnitude of the dilemma. He couldn't tell the Old Man himself without proper sup- port from the others. He decided to drop back into his pad and listen to a bit of Beethoven from his quadrophon- ic. It always cheered him up. He had just about forgotten about all his woes and those of the entire North, slipping into a semi - (Continued on page 2) S•