HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Exeter Times, 1887-8-11, Page 6eaw titallgingi in' the idiot -ion
thrif.ty, heeltleyeeturdT farmer in OXfOrd
County—a, bottomless lug 1 The beet fient
that the eurioue" thing etenfelet. XieY eye kered-
et You are wondering evitat tha jua,
benging. up there fee, with ite bettom kneels -
ed put, he Said, , Wife perhapes, °en
tell,you the storst better than I'cats ; but
eh° is bashful and I aiu't so I'll tell it
"Iy ather, as you isee,probaIly aware,
owned this faxes before me, He lived. to a
good old age, worked haH all his 11 e,
never squandered money, wee a cautions
trader and e gpoct Paaoqiator ; and, ea men
were acoctuuted in hie clay end generation, a
temperate men, I was the youngest, by,
and when)the old gentleman was ready to
go—and he knew it—the others agreed
that, since I had. eteyed, at home and taken
care of the old folks, the faxen should be
mine. And to me it was willed. I had
been married three years.
Well, father died—mother had gone
,three years before—anl left the farm to ine
with a mortgage ou it fm $2,00,0. I said to
1VIollie'my wife s
" Mollie look here. Here father's had.
this farm in its first strength of soil, with all
its magnificent timber and his six bops,
as they grew up, equal to so many men, to
help, and he worked hard—worised hard—
worked late and early—sand yet, look at it 1
A mortgage of two thousand dollars What
can I ?
"And I went to that jug—it had a bot-
tom in it then—and took a good, stiff drink
of old Meaford rum from it.
"1 noticed the curious look on the face
-of my wife just then, and asked her what
:she thought of it, for I supposed she
was thinking of what 1 had been talking
about. And so she was, for she said :
" Charles, I've thought of this a great
deal, and I've thought of a way in which
I believe you can clear this mortgage 04' be-
fore five years are ended.'
"Says 1; Mollie, tell me how you'll do
"She thought for awhile, and then said,
with a funny twinkle in her blue eyes—says
she:
" Charles, you must promise me this,
and promise memost solemnly and sacredly;
promise me that you will never bring home
for the purpose of drinking as a beverage
eed-
'1,+e, hnng it' On that. daY ; and front thel
ime tbere liesn't been a drep epiri
ronght int() the henee ter beveregei
thet hettontlees jug wouldn't holds
"Pea r 914. jt WP MeiP te beeti tor.
.044, bandit down to-otir hfldeu for, the
leeson it eau give to them ;e ipagpil of ;
of a tleappy life, peeceful, prospereus and
blessed
And as he emeeed speelthess his wife with her
erm, drawn tenderly ennead tho nee1s. of her
Tenngest boy, nettrinured le fervent amen.
,
Bun011 'Year gite.
' Of lade years a new language has sprung
etp, in America. It is the language of base
hell- It is a unique and grephic tongue
and can be masteeed somewhat easier than
German or Preach. The s Dr. johnsone of
thie language are tlee baseball , reporters of
the different papeva that make the chron-
icling of the great game a speoialty. The
man who hums not base ball finds him-
self' hopelesely lost wheu he attempts to
read an mount ofthe game as written
by the sporting reporter. He sees the
column full of "pop " lawnmowers,"
"grasshoppers, 'foul tips," "hot ° liners,"
and other terms that have no meaning to
hien. To the iuttiated, howerer, all these
expressions tell every tersely what has
happened. One phrase very often met
with is the " buuching of hits." We read
that such a club "got their eye on the
ball" aud batted the pitcher all over the
field, but failed to wiu, the game because
they did not " blench their hits." It is
quite possible for a club to make say
eighteewside hits and nine innings and yet
scatter the hits in such a manner that not
eingle run is scored. The oppos ing club
mey make but nine safe hits and yet so much
bunch them that they run up a good score
and win the game. Herein lies a greet
moral lesson that is applicable not only to
the base ball public, but to the world at
large. Bunch your hits, gentlemen. Every
man is a condensed base hall club. He is
in the race for the pennant of wealth or
fame. A great deal is goiu.e to depend on
his players, but more will depend on
whether he bunches his hits or not. The
first requisite is to select your players with
care, the next to see that they bunch their
hits. Craftiness, dishonesty and cunning
are three very brilliant players, who, some-
times make splendid catches, but they are
very unsafe men to depend on and they are
generally caught napping at the bases
before the game is over. A very good all
at any time, any more spirits than you can around nine are the following well-known
bring in that jug—the jug your father has sluggers: Caution, catcher; Ambition,
used ever since I knew him, and which you pitcher; Industry, first base and captain
have used since he has done with it." of thesclub ; Energy, second base; Alert-
" 'Well, I knew iather used once in a nese, third base; Politeness, short stop;
while, especially in haying time and in win- Good Temper, right field; Sobriety, cen-
ter when we were at work in the woods, to ter field, and Honesty, left field. It is
get aneeld gallon jug filled; sol thought that true that Ambition sometimes pitches a
she meant that I should never buy more high ball that caution is not able to stop
than two quarts at a time. I thought it and a game is lost in consequence, but all
over, and after a little while told her I in all this makes a very good nine that
would agree to it. works well together. A club like this is rea-
" 'Now, mind,' said she, you are never, asona.bly certain to have a good position
never to bring home any more spirits than at the finish if it bunches its hits. Many
you can bring in that identical jug.' And I a man puts forth enough energy in the game
gave her my promise. of life to win many of the prizes and yet
"And before I went to bed that night I he wins nothing. He makes a hit, but don't
took the last pull at the jug. As I was turn- follow it up uatil his side is out In the
nig it out for a sort of night cap, Mollie next inning she does the same, but the hits
looked up and says she: are not bunched and there is nothing to hi
Theeeeolei 99: le t4S4''snbljrsunferYni itte—e
"
iniefortune which We' llaRallY 4A0g upon
011r$01YeSo Unge0eSSarilY if We are sufficient-
ly Intelligent on this snhteet—witheist being
'
seh,/eoted to the orueitY "*Idelt,Weti
a, few years since, if net nois, to some extent.
Once the fever patient was tortured by being.
deprived of water ;still later, by hiving in-
suilinient air and, light of the sun, many
rooms being darkened, almost hermetically
sealed, the doors and windows all beipg
earefally (carelessly) closed through an
absurd fear of taking olds. In rare eases,
as in the Ines:ales, when the light is teainfu,
to the eyes, it is well to se modify the light
by thin curtains or several thicknesses ef
wet cloths over the eyes, as to render them
conifertable. Let the room be reasonably
light and cheerful, giving the patient the
advantage of the influence of the " inind
cure," The sick, above all others, have a.
special &elm for an abundance of the purest
air possible, since the disease may have been
principally monied by a deficiency of it, re-
sulting in moll an impurity of the general
system that what we gall disease, or an
effort of nature to remove certain impedi-
ments, certain impurities, was necessary,
as a purifying process. What we generally
call disease is but the struggle of nature, to
right the wrongs or remove various calms
back of what we see, the disease e being
generally but eurative measures, Thus, a
sore is not the true disease, but an opening
through which imp:Reties escape, removing
an internal state which causes the disturb-
ance. Sores never run the life away, the
mere discharge being always favorable,
ridding the system of so much ectual
poison.
The average expired breath contains four
and one-half per cent. of carbonic acid gas,
in its full strength a deadly poison to the
lungs, six per cent. proving unfit to sustain
mortal life, while that of the sick, the victims
of a malignant disease, is far more impure,
often really putrescent. Then, open the
doors and windows in moderate weather, of
course reasonably, always haviug the patient
comfortably warm. Put a strip of board
under the window, allowing the air to come
in through the space between the sashes,
at the same time opening the draught a the
stove or a small space Of the fireplace, or a
part of the chimney fine, any way to get
a good supply of pure air safely. Place
vessels of water containing a little copperas
under the bed and elsewhere, absorbing the
filth, often changed, and put around the
plantie Let the patient breathe by night as
well as by day.
Wonders of Surgery.
Medicine has made a wonderful advance
within a century. The books of a prom•
inent Vermont doctor, recorded from 1772
to 1790 a total of four thousand two hundred.
and seventy-one visits, in which he admin-
istered one thousand six hundred and thirty
doses of physic. It is estimated, also, that
he drew from his patients during the same
period about a hogshead full of blood Nor
was the only fault of the medical practice of
that thr one of excess. In multitudes of
s 1 cases t ep ysic wes thereverse of what was
"'Charley, have you got a drop left?' credit on the scoreboard. Se) yonng man
"There was just about a drop left. 'We'd just out of college remember that wha
have to get it on the morrow. Then she has gone before 15 merely the p y
said, if I had no objections she would drink practice of the club. Get your player
that last drop with me. I shall never for- well in hand; retire all doubtful base run
get how she said it, 'that last drop! How- ners ; engage sound ones to take their place
ever, I tipped the old jug bottoin up and and then "bunch your hits."
got about a great spoonful and that was
enough, Molly said. She took a tumbler
and poured a few drops of hot water into it A Pneumatic Tube to Europe.
and a bit of sugar, and then she tinlcled. her Col. J. H. Pierce, of Saithington who ha
Slats against mine, just as she'd seen us boys been studying the ase of pneumatic tubes,
ao when we'd been drinking to good -luck, has reached a point at which he hopes to
and she says:
show that a tube across the Atlantic can be
" 'Here'slo the old brown jug 1' used. Following is a description of th,e ap
"Sakes alive! I thought to myself that paratus as he conceives it :—The tube will
poor Molly had been drinking more rum than always be in couples, with the currents of
was good for her, and I tell you it kinder
cut me to the heart. I forgot all about how
many times she'd seen me when my tongue
was thicker then it ought to be and my- legs
not so steady as good legs should be; but
said nothing. I drank the sentiment: The
I needed. This doctor's practice was not ex-
ceptional. The change since that time
amounts to a revolution.
The aclvaucein surgeryhas been still great-
s er. The power of aniesthetics to render op-
-
erations painless, and the power of disin-
fectants to prevent all suppuration, have en-
abled experts to secure marvellous results.
A few years ago the most skilful surgeons
(shrank from all operations that involved the
opening of the abdomen. Now the abdomen
s is freely and safely opened for difficult op-
erations. Says Sir William Stokes in the
1 Lancet, in view of what has alreddy been
done in experiments on animals aucl in dis-
- leases of chest in man, " It is no wilcl•flight
! of fancy to anticipate the time when a dis-
air .
air n one tube always moving in an opposite
direction from the other. The heaviest can-
non will serve to illustrate the tube. A
car takes the place of the charge, the tube
to be indefinitely continuous and the speed
old brown jug,' and let it go. of the car to be governed by the rapidity
with which air can be forced through. Time
"Well I went out after that and done
ray chores and then went to bed, and the is required to establish a current of air flow,
last thing I said beforeleaving the kitchen ing with great swiftness through a tube per-
aps ousan s of miles in length, but when
this very room where we are now, was: once emitted the•motion will be nearly uni-
row.' t aVe'll have the old brown jug filled to -mor- form. The speed of the current may be
"And then I went off to bed. And I have made as great as may be desired by using
the steam driver fans employed in blast fin--
remembered ever since that I went to bed f
naces. Niagara, Falls could drive blast fans
that night as I had done hundreds of times be- land furnish motive power to keep in motion
fore, with buzzing in my head that a healthy the trains to connect this continent with the
man ought not to have. I didn't think of Old World. The temperature within the
it then, nor had I ever thought of it before, tube may be regulated by passing blasts of
but I have thought of it a good many times air entering the tube through furnaces or
since, and have thought of it with wonder I
and awe. over ice. The speed attainable may reach
s
"Weil, I got up next morning and did my I 1,000 miles au hour. The tube lining and
car exterior would be of polished steel with
work at the barn and then came in and ate corrugated sides matching with wheels pro.
my breakfast, but with no such appetite as videcl with anti -fraction bearings. The
a farmer ought to have, and I could not i
think then that my appetite had begun to speed, owing to the curvature of the earth's
fail. However,' It ate my breakfast, tomid face' will tend to overcome all weight
went out and hitched he old. mare, for and the pressure will be upon the upper
't
tell the plain truth, I was feeling in need f
pert of the tube- thus there is scarcely any
0 •
limit to the speed attainable. The inven-
tions consists in the details of the work.
a glass of spirits and I hadn't a drop in the
house 1 was inc hurry to get to the vil-
lage. I hitched up and came in for the jug.
I went for it to the old cupboard and took The Disappointed°OneS.
it out, and—
" Did you ever break through thin ice on The following expressions are made uee of
a snapping told morning, and find yourself about fifty times pe' day at the ladies' de -
in an instant overhead in freezing water? livery window in the post -office:
Because that was the way felt at that mo- "No letter for me ? You must have over -
anent. The jug was there but the bottom looked it ?"
was gone. Mollie had taken a sharp chisel "Oh there isn't? Well, I didn't hardly
and a hammer, and with a skill that might expect one."
havc done credit to a master workman, she " Pleaselook again. You don't know how
had clipped the bottom clean off the jug anxious lam,"
without even cracking the edges of the "Thank you. I was going by and thought
eides. I looked at the jug and then she I'd inquire."
burst out. She spoke —oh, I had never "So strange 1 Re said that he'd write as
heard anything like it. She said: soon as he got there, and that was two
"'Charles, that's where the mortgage on weeke ago.'
this farm came from! It was brought home "You are certain you looked in the right
wiehin that jug—two quarts at a time 1 And box ? Well, if there ain't, there ain't 1"
that' e where your white, clear Skin and "It vises a letter with molsey in it, and
clear pretty blue eyes are going ! And in wish yoied tell the Postnraster, Maybe
that jug, my husband, your appetite is go- somebody has stolen it."
ing aleo 1 Oh, let the bottom stay out for- "This is the fifth or sixth time I've in.
ever! Let ie be as it is, dear heat t. And quired, and Pm beginning to be suspicious."
remember your promise to me.' "Thanks, ma'am. I knew you'd Viva me
"And then she threw her arms around a lettee if you could."
nie and burst into tears. She could speak
no more.
iTOther Busted.
'
"And there was no need. My eyes ware'
One Fished--
Opened as ifby magic. In a siugle minute " Teo bed—too bad 1" he said as he eafne
the whole Beene passed before me. I saw Out of his dike with a telegram in his
all the mortgages on thefarins in our neigh., hand.
borhood; and / thought where the money I ":What is it ?"
had gone. The very last mortgegb father " thet found this in my office at I return
had aver made was to .pay a hill held against from a ten days' vacation. It came the day
him by the Man who had filled his lug for after 1 Wt."
years. Yee, I saw it as it passed befote tee; What is it about ?"
flittering pietnee of runi 1 ruin! him I ," It is from an old friend in SandnekY,
debt !debt 1 debt 1 and in the end, death t an& it says 4 Telegeaph me no() to -day or
&ha1 retttited kiss, and saidI. rill financially ruined.'"
"Mollie, my own, Pll keep the proinise ! " And yon were het%
I Will, so help me heaven I' " 1,To,"
And X have kept it. In less than five "And he busted I"'
years, as Mollie sitid the Mortgage Was " Very probably. Ah 1 well softie mime'
cleared ell; thy: appetite Came badk EC ire ; fish and seine) mast bust. The only eonsola.
toad no* We'Ve got 5 feW thoutand d011arS don X flexe is in knowing that I eouldn't
at interest. There hangs the old. tg; just have raised $10 had Ibeen home."
eased lung may be found amenable to oper-
ative treatment."
1 He makes a similar remark in reference to
the brain, kidneys, liver and spleen.
I " It is not unreasonable to hope that 1
regions hitherto barely touched by the nni'- s
„
'Try hot ilannei ever 41e, eget te!MrielMee
eitt 4-0 T-01-0-*--.4SCP4,414A'
dee e e
010thili*k404:;*!:4
*!)aut the pook..fpf'sp;vp,vor$1,
• .'Try breatifing finii4iStetUt•Pesitif4S:Or
hello eold. to relieve "whooping-ociugh.
Tey walking with Yeser hands behissd p7)4
' yon aresbeeouneseibeste terwards- ,
,
• 'SEA n1,17$'..,
k' 85#8.
, $0,14or
0. erne Strange isreetwree et the
41,11iik,
All sides oCthis ,`encliantin'g.,Untildshita
Island are dewily ludented by bays and:
flora Reefs and rooks, eenken and awash,
extend seaward in a southerly direction to
long distancee, cleorneel essantly by the
heavy, billows which .break 'upon 'them ;•
but „around' the 'nortliMm and eastern,
margins, more good harbors are claimed
than for all the other Islands of the Alueeiau
Arehipelego put together; In those et Welter-
ed channels and inlets; as.. ,well as in the
raceways of the ocitlying reefs, fish in great
variety abound—cod, herring, Intlibut,
Salmon, trout and many other edible kinds,
feeding upoa the surf washings and the
seouringa of the pewee bottoms, which are
carried in by the winds and tides. t
And stranger forms of marine life are
there in extra,ordieary presentation, wierd,
uncouth, and rapacious; seine hideous with
tentacles, claws, and spines, and serried
teeth, and others charged with batteries
eleotrical--creatureddevilish in temper and
base in motive, who lurk among the weeds
and aloe whioh cling to the rooks or forage
stealthily amoug the rafts of kelp drifting
with the tide. In such an uncanny range as
this one variety of the sea serpent makes
his home and thrives, holding his own
against all comers. In haunts like this he
takes on fat and grows apace, I do not
know that he ever attains to the magnitude
of those pelagic rangers whi ch are some-
times encountered in the high seas, or
indeed, that he aspires to, but he often
measures a dozen feet in length, which is
a hie enough snake to convince the most
incredulous. Prototypes of the creature
exist in considerable numbers. Their
customary range is off shore among the
sunken reefs where the rock cod resort,
which is their fayorite food; but they are
occasionally entangled in the ropy sea
weeds which fringe the landwash, in which
dilemma the natives do not hesitate to wade
in behind them and drive them up on
shore, stunning them with clubs.. In this
way the specimen before us was caught.
He ineasuied six feet long and ten inches
thick. The capture was made on June 15,
188e, and a drawing, was executed while
the creature was still squirming, by S.
leapinsky, a creole missionary teacher at
"Unlink, but unfortunately the' serpent
itself was not prsesrved. He seemed
a most extraordinary mongrel, mani-
festly much more of a fish than an eel
appears to be, or even a Cutlass fish (Trich-
inurus lepturus), for he has visible gills and
opereles, fine scales, two spinous fins on
his back and the caudal of a true fish.
He has also an immense pair. of pectorals
for balancing himself, and a full complement
of fins to promotelocomotion, to say nothing
of an abnormal third dorsal which is
adipose 1 Also, he has long, sharp teeth for
holding his prey, and. dentated vomer for
mastication. Nevertheless, the tout en-
semble is altogether suggestive of snakes.
Whether he is less a snake than those more
formidable monsters which navigators en-
counter on the broad ocean, or those which
summer saunterers discover in Seneca lake,
or the Hudson river, a capture of the latter
alone can determine. In color he was most
beautiful, the entire length of his sides
being iridescent with purple and golden
reflections, while crimson and yellow
splashes crossed the lateral line at regular
intervals from head. to tail.
There can be no doubt that this specimen
was a true fish with an elongated body.
The tendency to regard everything vermi-
form or sinuous as a snake and everything
seipentile as a reptile has invested certain
mysterious denizens of the deep with!sneke-
ike attributes: but whether they are more
erpent than fish, or more reptilian than
the undulating specimens of :17nalashka is
what scientists would ,•be delighted t
discover.
As we find analogues in nature all creation
through., it is reasonable to infer tint there
are true serpents in the sea as well as, on
the land, and that there are fish as ' well
with serpent forms. Whether this great
phidian of the ancient and modern mariner
O fish ot reptile, he is, daubtless, predatory
nd therefore to be . feared and avoided.
nasmuch as we, instinctively, associate
ator may eventually become familiar ground
for the exercise of bis art."
In former articles we have given some ac•
count of surgical skill in restoring severed
fingers ; in transplanting skin and bone from
animal to man, to rep= loss on the part of
the ]atter; in filling up large wounds with
sponge, which speedily becomes organized.
Some time ago, inParis, it being impossible
to bring together the parts of a severed b
tendon in e young man's finger, the physician a
freshly cut the ends, and inserted a piece of I
tendon from a young dog, aud sewed the s
ends together. The operation was wholly P
succeseful. We see, fromthe papers, theta f
similar operation has just been performed in f
this country.
erpents with evil, we should, perhaps,
refer to regard him as a fish, anclethere-
ore of a kindlier nature, yet we do not
orget that a creature much lese scaly in-
flicted ineffable and lasting' misery on
man.
A Terrible Accusation.
It is cruel to bring any charge egainst a
ead man who cannot answer for himself.
till the public interests may demand that
uch a charge should be advanced if there is
ven only probability in its support, in or -
et that others may be free and the safety
1 the travelling public lie the bettertecurecl.
t is said that the engineer on the excursion
rain at St. Thome that earne so terribly to
grief was the worse of liquor and that the
conductor also had been' drinking. Now
the very possibilitysof this is simply awful.
It is not necessary that an engineer should
be drunk in order to his wrecking his train.
single glass may give just that degree of
xcitement and unsteadiness that is neoes-
ary to lead him to eisk what he would not
therwise risk and to do what he would not
therwise think of. No man who is known
o taste intoxicating liquors in even the
ost moderate way should have anything
do with railways and especially with run-
ing an engine. There is no use in saying
hey are not drunkards. If they are drunk.
n the mischief may be all the same. The
ace is that in these days of machinery and
ush, inqa very short time no man who is
not known as a steady, reliable teetotaler
will, be employed at all. And thie will be
most readenable. Empleaters factories,
even when themselves hot total abstainers,
are quietly and steadily weeding out all
those who take a glass." They can't be
relied on. That is the misery and the
drawback. The consequence is that all
such are more and more going to the welt
To be a teetotaller is not all in all, for he
may at the same time be a blockhead and
a blunderer. Bat tome absolutely steady is
O wonderful reeommendation and where the
necessary brains are there besides, why,
shonIcl tot the total abstainer be preferred ?
Indeed he is and will always be more arid
more so. An engineer who is known to taste
liver ought in short, ; o be instantly dis-
missed. kle is not fit to have the lives of
his fellow men in his keeping.
Leas Food Needed. in Summer.
Growth and waste and repair go on in a
nearly uniform witk the whole year through,
but the amount of food necessary for these d
operations or purposes is surprisingly small. S
The generation of bodily heat requires a s
more variable quantity of food. In Winter, e
with the temperature of the external air at d
zero, the temperature of blood in healthy 0
persons is 98.3 degrees, and when the heats 1
of Summer drive the mercury of the ther- t
mome er near to or above that mark, the
blood still registers 98 3 degrees. The mar-
velous mechanism by which thie uniform
blood temperature is maintained at all sea-
sons it is not necessary to consider„ but it
must be evident to every one that the foroe
needed to raise the temperature ot the whole
body to nearly 100 degrees in Winter is no
A
longer needed in Summer. The total 0
amount of food needed for repair, for growth 0
and for heating,. p'nysiology teaches tzse is
much less thin is generally imagined, and in
it impresses us with the truth of the great to
surgeon Abernethy's saying, that " onee
fourth of what we eat keeps the other
three-fourths We kecp at the peril of our
lives." In Winter we burn up the surplus
food with a limited amount of extra exertion.
In Sununer we get rid of it literally a,t Borne
extra risk to health and, of emirse, to life.
We can. not btirn it. Our vital furnaoes are
banked and we Worley the most important
worlsieg organs with the extra exertion of
rem° mg what had better never halm been
taken into the ,steraaelt.
,juseTry .tt.
Try a sun bath for thettmatism.
Try chine broth for &weak stomach.
Try cranberry poultice for erysipelas.
Try eating fresh radishes and yellow turn,
ips for gravel.
Try swallowing ealiva when troubled with
sour stemech.
Try eating onions and horse.radish to re.
lieve dropsical swellings.
Try buttermilk for the removal of tan and
walnut stains and freekles.
Try the orettp tippet *hens, child is likely
to be troubled in that way,
The ineeine bf the Canadian Methodiso
1Vlissionary Board for the futat year amounts
to abont $g00000 being $1. 00 in excess 6f
the previous year..
Na • ites'a-Ta$1,14R.'1XXXel'iaret
e Wenld -annteatne4 teeileelneatirl!'inAteid
tt
'lketisee ,Gerdner, when ,the, telangle 'had
Mr411094vtegi.43f POI:Pitted ShetWells
of CierkeVi le; 1,0444,,. ,areeke in de pity die
MAnitif't6 4)efe) deiiber 'an add
dress,,44.4pss enlmentede pe Rea
,A4pp,'pf *p. tie de gem'.
iheieneWereel all:tie,eee;eilhetus; BO to him
by ,de ponunittee of inivestigation he will be
.brung iuAla'. petznit.tedstnfiresawey". ,
naeetrint'alee,
The honorable visitor soon, appeareq,
eharge of thn Ileceptien aoisunSttee, Ue
eeemed to be ehoet 40 year@ of age, very
erect, stonY glare in his eyee, and. three of
his front ;meth were miesing.—probebly
knocked out by collision with a steamboat,
He bowed right and left in very gracious
Manner, end it was plain to be seen that he
lead long moved in good society.
HE OPENS.
" Gemlen," began the orator as he crossed
his hands under bis coat tails and looked
Whalebone Hawker square in the eye, "how
many of you hey eber stopped to refieekt on
de relaehun of man to animal life ! Proba-
bly not one of you, an yet de subjick asn
one fur de deepest study. Man was made
outer clay an' sot up on his pits an' pro-
nounced perfect. He calls hieself de king -
bee of de universe, He flourishes around
•wid his hat on his ear, an' he expects de an-
imal creashun to take a back Neat. How
am it, howober, when a man meets an ele-
phaut ? [Applause, with shivers running
up and down Pickles Smith's beck.] Stand
yer men perfect in anatomy, handsome in
looks and cultivated in intelleck beside de
elephant an' whar is he? He am but a
toadstool on a mighty stump. De braint
dat kin plan great tunnels, mighty bridges,
monster ships an' labor -seethe machinery
could be plastered all ober de highest hose
ba'n by one stroke of dateelephant's trunk,"
[Involuntary dodging all over tha hall, with
considerable applause.]
" TAKE DE TIGER
Fur anodes example " continued the speak-
er. " S'posin' Trus'tee Pullback, who has
invented a three -sided mouf organ, six sorts
of tooth picks an' fo' kinds of co'n salves,
an' am doubtless a • t
O tiger as he went home to -night! (Cheers
for the tiger.) What would his talents
avail him ? Of what use de y'ars he has
spent in scientific observashun ? Dat tiger
would make one spring an' Trustee would
fall like a thistle at de roadside before de
mad gales of autumn. [Cheers for the this-
tle.]
" WE SWELL AROUND
Doorin' de day, makin' speeches on current
events, delvin' into de legends of de lost
races, or perhaps figgeritt' up de aige of de
worldW •
• while daylight •
lasts. Iluman brains an' human hands keep
all de machinery in moshun. Night comes,
an' we retire to our various abodes an' go to
sleep. In de middle of de night an insect no
bigger clan half of a small pea creeps out
from a jint in de bedstead an' attacks us.
He creepeth softly, an' his bite is just the
one-thousandeth part as hard as a dog's,
but what am de result? [Tremendous a,p-
plause.]
" OLTR GREATEST STATESMEN,
Our grandest professors and judges begin to
claw an' kick an' roll around, an' some of
'em groan in de agony of deir speerit. De
giant intelleck planned de Brooklyn
bridge lies prostrate at de feet of de puny
mseck ! De gineral who has won his score
of battles on de field of blood, bobs outer
bed, and surrenders to de single foe ! •
[Cries of: "You bet he does, olcl man 1"
from all over the hall.)
'GEORGE WASHINGTON.
Was a grand man. He owned most of dis
airth. Orators blessed his name—poets sung f
his praises—leetle chill'n prayed fur him.
When he walked. abroad his head was up
like a 2 -year colt, an' when he sot down in f
his own house de cat shivered wid fear.' By
an by he went to bed. He had jist got to
sleep au' was dreamin' of de day when Amer-
ica would hey 100,003,000 of people, when a
'skeeter began to sing around his ears, an'
finally took hold of his chin. Behold de
great commander an' President clawin' au'
bobbin' around, an' finally gitten outer bed t
wid a pillar in his hands to bat one poor a
lean an' speerit brokeh 'skeeter 1". [Much y
applause, durina which Elder Toots awoke s
and shouted for the police.]
"OUR IGNORANGE 0
The getliodiate,llreitaltillgletiMp.to. found
a Wesley College at Winnipeg.
Operation8 the seebud tection of tho
OaPe Breton railway eliertly las,, began.
Vp to Saturday night fifeeen nines a the
Red RiVer V4110 railwii$ had beell
Large coal depesitS hnve been dieeovered
in the ReohY Xountaina Crovir's Nest
The work of grading, was commenced the
„other day at Morrisbnrg on the line of the
Ottawa, Waddington maed Now York rail -
The English Clevernment are revising, the
list of Irish megistrats s for the purpose of
replacing the older ones by younger and
more active inen.
The London papers concur in the opinion
that the review at Spithead on Saturday
was the finest display of naval strength the
world has ever seen.
Mr. Michael Dago) and his wife attended
a meeting at Boclyke- on Sunday, and pre-
sented money and medals to a number of
girls who had resided the police tiering the
recent evictions.
The contract for the stone work of the
Canada, Life Insurance Companyt building
in Toronto has been awarded. The build-
ing will cost $400,000, and will be complet-
ed in 18 months. .
It is rumoured that the Duke of Marl-
borough is to be shortly merried to an
American girl, who has consented to over-
look his past unsavoury reputation tor the
sake of the strawberry leaves.
Montreal bucket shops experience great
difficulty in getting Chicago quotations over
the tickets in consequence of the crusede of
the Chicago Board of Trade against those
institutions and the prohibitory law of the
The Paris Figaro says a long time must
elapse before it will be possible to again
witness so superb a collection of war ships.
England may justly be proud of the review.
It was an imposing manifesatation of her
strength and wealth.
At a meeting of representatives of the
Central Fair Association of Ontario held
in Toronto, it was decided to form it Cana-
dian association of Fairs and Expositions,
and to petition the Ontario Government for
a grant to the larger institutions.
The remarkably hot and dry season which
has prevailed. in Ontario for a month past
has had the effect of ripening the crops too
quickly and as a consequence the shrinkage
veill be very considerable. In many locali-
ties, however, ram has fallen at the proper
time, and in these districts the yield will be
excellent.
There is a strong feeling in the United
States against the admission into the country
as unmet -ants oftpauperia and criminals. But
curiously enough the opposition to criminals
is not strong etenigh to lead to the com-
pletion of an extradition treaty with Cana-
da. It would seem that the kid-gtaved
criminal is not unwelcome. "aaele
Illinois Legislature.
A number of fanatics have been arrested
in Spain, who believing that the end of the
world is at hand, lighted a huge bonfire and
throwing their clothes into the flames
danced in a state of nudity round the fire.
The leader of the sect is a woman of Torrox,
who declares the Virgin appeared to her
and had ordered her to preach a new gospel.
An ice -break-in e vessel has just been
patented by Mt. Robert Romaine, of Ot-
tawa, which that gentleman claims, if used
on the St. Lawrence, would open the riyeer
or navigation early in the spring, and hdv
clearing the channel of ice and leavibeet'a
wide open passage would prove a sure cute
or the floods which cause so much damage
at Montreal and other places every spring.
Slavery is 00 155 last legs in Brazil. There
s no doubt that the bill now before the
Parliament of the Empire providing for the
final stages of emancipation will pass. It
grants freedom to all slaves registered under
he Act of 1871, the number of such being
bout 1,200,000. They must serve two -
ears longer, but , they can redeem them -
elves for about 1$240 each. Slaves over fif-
y years of age need not thus serve, and if
ne of a Married couple secures his or her
reeclom the other also becomes free
On de subjick of animal life am most lament-
able," continued the speaker after a hunt in
his vest 'pocket for cloves. "We sot on de s
dock an fish far half a day whether we am
arter bull heads or whales. We doan' rec- c
kon, in de fast place, dat a hoss has got a c
disposition 'tall. If we find out dat he has s
one we seek to control it by de pitchfork.
We buy a dog an' expect him to bite ebery s
tramp who comes to de side doah fur vittles. fl
If de dog makes a mistake an' bites de
preacher Eat de front doah we accept f
no excusesWe nebb • t t k dat f
de preacher didn't hand de dog his man'
keerd. A hog gibs inter our garden an' roots
up ebery hill of taters, an' we chase him
wid a double-barreled gun. Fur why? IsTa-
tile made him to root, an' Natur' giv him
dat likin, fur 'taters." [Cheers for the hog,
during which some one hit Col. Capadura
Johnson with a turnip.]
"06 HOUSE FLY,"
Said the orator, "ar' de moas' misunder- fi
stood animal on Birth. Mau looks upon him as
o nateral enemy, an' loses noopportunity to
hit him wid a crow -bar. Who of us hey 9'
ober studied his disposition, his wants an'
needs? [Cries of "Hear 1" " Hear 1'] Men
will walk out an' fight a duel widout a teem- 1
ble, but de same puseons will lie in bed an' a
cuss a blue strea,k bek-ase one pore old fly in-
sists on welkin' along de bridge of his nose, c
[Cheers for the fiy.] ; a
" Gemlen, de relashuu of man to animal a
life ar' as muddled up an' ole spotted cow s
tryin' to locate a haystack in a cyclone, It w
ar' our own fault. We haven't giveie de sub- P
jick proper study an' thought. I make de ,
predickshun dat de time will come when 1 w
eben de commonest people in de kentry will p
be able to explain de re]ashun of de eater -
pillar to de pat and dogwood to de dogs, an' e
de ideah of natur' givin' hared to de cow v
The drought appears to have been more
evere in Lower Canada than in Ontario.
The Eastern Townships papers say the hay
rop there is a poor one, and that the root
rops are badly injured. Peas have also
offered. In the Maritime Provinces there
s an excellent hay crop, but the roots in
oine districts hove been attacked by the
y. In Manitoba and the Territories the
vheat crop will be a good one, though it is
eared the returns from the thresher will
all below the estimated yield, the drought
having affected large areas, particularly in
the dry region west of Broadview.
A Palermo correspondent of the Secolo
gives an account of a panic accompanied by
specking consequences, which was caused by
a priest in Canicatti. After a sermon in
whibh all the horrors of the Infernal regions
were depicted to his flock, he caused a black
gure provided with horns and tail to appear
suddenly. The women and children shriek-
. .
horror, many fainted away from fright,
lid two children were trampled to death by
he fleeing crowd. The men were about to
yneh the priest,. who, however, made his
escape. The Milan paper vouches for the
ecuracy of this report.
A telegram was received Monday at Glou-
ester, Wiese., from U. S. Consul Carleton,
t Souris, P. E. I., stating that the seines
nd boats, with 14 of the • crews of the
chooners Col. J. A. Prance and Argonaut
ere seized the day before, off East Point,
. E. I., by the laorniaion cruiser Critic. It
a said the vessels' boats were doge in shore
ith the seines set when the cutter ap-
eared. The vessels cleared out and es.
aped the cutter, but before the boats conld
scepe they were seized. lt is thought the
easels will be seized before getting home, as
an keepin em away from de hose will be
fully set fo'tli in all our spellin'-books,
" Wid dese few infeckshus observations,
meant inore to articulate do desirabilityof
your generosity clan fur any purpoee of cane
ctig solis, 1 bid you non compos mends'an'
trust dat Pre bOlt0 publico eber enhance
de simitibus eivrant2sr."
The closing remarks of the orator were
greeted with such a storm of applause that
five old hats were jarred ftom as many
broken window panes, and 13rether Gardner
had to shout at the top of his voice to re.,
store order. 'When something like quietness
again prevailed,he said ;
"1 cloan' know abont therelashun of nian
to animal life. De speaker seemed a very
corpulent pusson, but he may be fi y'ars
behind or a hundred y'ars ahead. of ce
want thno bo think It isit ober, We will
darfo' adjourn de media' and seek our se.
paratecl homes,
It id as easy for the strong man to be
strong as 15 18 for thoweak to be weak,
•
they will have to put in for Assistance.
Minor lioials,for ,Marriott People.
The last word id the most dangerous of in-
fernal maehines„ Husband and wife should
no more strive to get it than they would
ateuggle for the Possession of the bombshell.
Matried people should study each other's
weak points, as skate'rs look out for the
weak parts of She ice,' in order to keep off
them. Ladide Who Marry' for love Should
remember „that the Onion 'of' angels With
Women. has been 'forbidden ''since the flood,
The wife is the sun of the eocial eyeterm
Unless she attracts there is nothing to keep
heavy bodies; like ImSbancisi from alying'off
'into space. The Wife Who wieild' properly
disehartre her ditties must neyer ha,v,e a, soul
"above buttons.' DOA% trhtt too irinah te
goOdteniper when yeti get into an arganient.
Sttgar is the Subiatande most riniversally
diduset.1 tlirotigh e1 batUtal prodnets1 Let
married , pe6ple take a hint front this pro,
vision of nittdre,