The Exeter Times, 1885-8-13, Page 6Life's Journey.
6ewa,peed out of youth's sunnystetiou,
The track eeaniato shine in tae light,:
But it suddenly abaote over chasms,
And sinks into tunnels of night;
And tbe hearts tbat were bravo in the morning
Are Sited with repielcge end fears,.
As they pause at the City of Sorrow,
Or pias through the Yal'ey. of Teere.
But the path fort We perilous railway
The bend cf the blaster hsa made;
With all its discomforts and dacgers,
We need not be or afraid.
Reads leading trona dark into darkness,
Roads plunging from gloom to despair
li4 ied out tbro' th tunnels el midnight
To the fields. thaware blooming nod fair.
Tho' the rocks and their shadows surround us,.
Tho' we catch not one gleam of the day,
Aboee us fair cities are laughing
And (Repine white oat is eo sy
,And always--eternal—forever,
Pawl: over the walla in the went.
The het Gaal eud of our journey,
There lies the great Station et Rent.
'T1s tba grand central point of all railways.;
Ali roads clutter here where they end:
Tis the Deal retort of all tourists ;
All reran:nee meet bare and blend.
All tickets, or mile -books, or pages,
if stolen, or begged for or bought,
On whatever road or division.
wlR bring you at last to this spot.
If you pause at en Cite of Trouble,
Or wait fn tbe Ya1tey of Tests,
Be patient—the train wilt move onward.
And sweep down the track cf the yeere.
Wherever the piece to you seek tor,
R-b*tever your agar or your queat.
To will coma at the last with relofeteg
To tbs bee:nit:4 Station of Beat.
STRANGE BUT TRUE,
£saran rn freedom begin to sing long before
pairing, and continue it, subject to interrupt
tion, long afterward. Domeatieated birds,
as most persons who have caged pots know
slag through the whole yea without regard
to breeding -time, though no female or corn -
pub= ever be in eight.
Among the " curiosities of commerce '
none perhaps is more curious than that the
major portion of the produce exported from
aonth Africa is simply used for the adorie
meat of ladies, Out of the yearly tot vat
ne exported of seven million flee hundred
thousand pound', o'trlclefeethera and
monde a000nnt for the largo sum of five mil
lin pounds.
The Chinese regard an attack of epilepsy
a* the occupancy of a man's body by the
spirit of an animal, usually a pig or a sheep.,1
They try to keep mach spirit by 'staffing the
patient's mouth with grass, for 0 it love be-
fore the return of the man's own spirit—
'which must bo absent during the fit—the
man will die.
The wood' f the" arab "tree, an Matra -
lieu product growing principally in the west-
ern section, is stated to be about the next
thing to everlasting. It appears to defy all
ordlnery forme of decay under the most try-
ing clreumetenoeu; it left alone by the whlto
ants, and ship' built of it do not require to
be coppered.
"The " City of Churches " is Brooklyn,
N. Y. ; the " City of Malta " ie London ;
the " City of Monuments " ie Baltimore,
ltd, ; the "City cf Refuge " is Medina, Ara -
big, where Mohammedan took refuge when
driven by conspirator's from Meoos ; the
" City of the Sun " is Bealbec ; the "" City
of the Tribes a" is Galway, Ireland, the resi-
dence in 1235 of thirteen tribes who settled
there.
The Rothschild family control the •quick
silver supply of the world, with the exoep-
tion of a new mine just discovered near Bel-
grade. There are only a few quicksilver
mines known, the two largest being In Spain
and California, Both are owned by the house
of Rothschild, who only permit a supply
but never a glut of the market to issue from
their mines, and thus they control an im
•nense and very profitable monopoly.
Many years ago, over the door of an inn,
London, hong a sign representing the four
ruling elements of the Government. It was
the picture of four men standing upon the
shoulders of each other. At the top stood
the king—on his breast was the legend, " I
govern all ;" under him stood the soldier,
and on his breast the motto, "I fight for all ;"
under him steod the clergyman, and on hie
breast the motto, " I pray for all ;" at the
bottom stood the laborer, with brawny sin-
ews, every nerve strained to support the
burden resting upon him, and on his breast
was the motto, "I pay for all."
The following story was related to a cor-
respondent of the Madras Mail by one who
travels by rail almost every day: Between
a place called Niddivunda and Herebully
there is a large tope which is well known to
be infested' with a host of monkeys. Having
no other mode of occupying their dull hours,
they are bent upon trying to destroy the
Tumkur line. It would appear that these
animals, about fifty or sixty, form them-
selves into two batches ; they range system-
atically one-half on one rail and the other
half ort the other. They begin by first re-
moving the earth from the aides of the rails.
Then they arrive at the difficulty of nuts
and bolts, which, though they examine them
very minutely, they cannot get over. On
the approach of the up or down train they
wait until the engine is within a few yards,
when with the utmost coolness, they simply
jump on one aide till the train has passed,
and then resume their work. A remarkable.
instance occurred on one of these occasions.
As the engine was approaching, the monkeys
made their usual jumps, with the exception
of one, who persisted in remaining on the
line, the engine by this time being very near.
Five or six monkeys, seeing the danger one
.of their number was in, made a sudden rush
and dragged him off, some laying hold of
him by the tail, others by the legs; anyhow
they slaved him. They are now styled the
Niddivunda gangmen by the guards and
drivers.
Hot Weather Diet.
summer Aimee are much more difficult to
arrange than others, as our syatesns demand
cooling viands. There i9 nothing more ao-
ceptable than cold meats, tach as cold roast
lamb, cold roast squabs and chiekene, and
among cold vegetables, cold asparagus.
Thele, if neatly arranged on the dishes and
prettily garnished, if with nothing more than
a few fruit blossoms, will please the eye and
more easily tempt the palate, Sa'ada are
:not acceptable, A liberal diet of freak
thoroughly ripe fruit is of the highest Int
portanoe to most of us, but care must be ex.
ercised not toot too heartily of it at any one
meal, 'fact quautitiea of liquids ahould be
avoided when fruit has been eaten,
One should have a good sized ice -box, cap.
able of holding agood supply of ice. It
should be so arranged that milk, butter, eto.,
are separated from meats and vegetables.
When huddled together they losetheir iden-
tity, so far as their individual flavors are con.
cerned, and become tainted with the flavor
of one another. This is pertioularly true of
milk and butter, which rapidly absorb impure
or obnoxione flavors. Cleaulineee is nowhere
more important than in the ice -box, which
should be thoroughly scrubbed atleast twice
a week.
Milk is a very important Summer diet,
but should be need in moderation or it is Ii -
able to produce ill effects. Drink it in mall
mouthfuls and reat aelement between them.
Dyspeptic persona ere advised to beat the mill
a few moments before drinking. This treat-
ment breake the butter globulta and renders
digeath.n easier. We strongly recommend
skimmed milk and freak buttermilk ac nam -
mer drinks instead of Ice water. The ice
water dyspepsia, a oomiuon malady during
the Summer menthe, may he entirely relieved
by using email quantities of freshly churned
buttermilk u000mpenied by what is known
a's a utoderato dry diet,
Breekfaat should not be a heavy meal and
hot food should be used in moderation. IXot
tea end coffee liberally partaken of prevent
one froze feeling comfortable all day. Rad-
iakes ice cold, oatmeal. cracker' and milk, a
dainty Aloe of sold lamb, fresh fruit and
cold that makeshotweea A lazury, f est fraena
The Deasy of Profanity.
From hawing beauties loudeat and ooaraaat'
of swearers, English gentlemen have become
the most intalerant of profane expreaslons,
end even the mildest expletives are *caount-'
ed by theca a' bad taste. Soldiers mid sail-
ors formerly looked upon swearing as s. pro•
fe'eional nocoasite, end perhaps *till do so ;
but probably a manlike Wolseley shares the
feeling of other English gentlemen with re-
peat to profanity, and we know that Grant
went through all the excitement of the civil
war without an oath, though on both sides
the air wee often blue with cursing. But, as
we have said, most men swear habitually or
000esionelly. It "owe to give them relief, or
they finegine that it does, and they know no
other way of strengthening an assertion than,
by using as oath. Ingeneral, this swearing
is in good nature, or, atmoat, expresses only
momentary vexation, and often the profan-
ity is only indulged In as a banter, for in.
stance, by the drivers In the streets, who
will curse each other up end down, and atiil
have no hard feeling'. They simply swear
for fun and to va-y the monotony of extol).
moo. This applies only to this country
though. In England one can mount upon a
'bus at the Kensington Museum, and drive
through the rest and orowdedthoroughfares
of London, all the way to the Bank of
England, and not an oath nor an expletive
will be heard,
Armed Cruisers and Transports
It is now over two months since the Brit
fah Government, relying on the expedi
ency and efficacy of swift merchant steam
ers as armed cruisers, took up on time char-
ter several of the magnificent steamers
whichplied between Liverpool and. New York
and with one exception these steamers have
not left the Mersey, but are now lying in the
LiverpoolDocka. The National Line steam
er America is in theAlexandraDock, want-
ing only her guns to be a fail fledged armed
cruiser, capable of overhauling anything
under eighteen knots. .chis ie the first
steamer which the Admiralty took under
their sole control, and she is still in their
hands. The Cunard steamer Umbria is in
a similar state, whilst the Guion steamers
Arizona and Alaska are also waiting Govern-
ment commands. In all casae hundreds of
hands were set to work to complete the
work of preparation in as short a time as
possible, and now not the slightest sign of
animation is visible nave the watch in charge
of the vessels. Tbe impression prevails that
until the evolutionary equadron returns, and
the efficacy of the Cunard steamer Oregon,
which forms one of them, has been tested,
none of the steamers engaged as armed cruis-
ers will leave the Mersey. There are also
the steamers whiohthe Government hurried-
ly engaged as transports lying idle in the
docks at Liverpool. These are the Nation-
al steamer Egypt, the Guion steamer Abys-
sinia, and theAllan steamer Peruvian. Each
vessel has now accommodation specially
fitted up for about 1000 troops with their
officers and a number of horses. In conse-
quence of the change of Government there is
naturally: some speculation as to what will
eventually become of these steamers.
He had fallen into the stream, and had al-
ready tank once, and was going down the
second time, when a brave man leaped into
the angry water and laid hold of the unfor-
tunate one. The latter looked at his reaos-
erinabeseecaingmanner, and gasped: "I beg
my dear sir, that you will allow me to sink
once more -in the interests of literary tra-
dition, you know. No person I ever heard
of was rescued until he was going down for
the third time. I may die, but I shall have
the satisfaction of knowing that I have not
departed from a time-honoured and revered
custom."
BANTRY BAY.
41111,111.1.10,1,
easte.aing a Torpedo to the Admirar*Ship.
Now that Admiral Hornby's sgtudron
has taken its departure from Beare Bay,
the only matter which is agitating the public
mind is the extraordinary statement con-
oerr ing the attachment of a torpedo to the
Annotate. after the "action," and the story
is oiroumstantielly related on there, If
true, as a feat of strategy it Is hardly sur-
passed, and ata performance is an effective
comment ou the perfection of the look -out
on board ship. As far aa difficulties were
concerned, the feat would seem to be aimoat
impossible. Not only were the searching
lights from the ships in full play, but, in
aonsequenoe of the general engagement, the
watch on the water must have been neces-
sarily more perfect, Besides thie, both.
shores were lined by strong forces of mar-
ines, who arrested every one indiscrimin-
ately as spies and detained them until the
battle was over. Consequently, the taking
of a large mine from one of the ahipe, its
conveyance within the line, and its eubae-
quent fixture to the dagehip itself, must
naturally appear a proceeding of excessive
difficulty. Nevertheless, it is claimed that
it wan accomplished by certain officers of
the Ajax, aasisted by shore men, one of
whom, named Sullivan, is said to have been
the prime mover in the matter.
During the attack on the western boom a
pinnae° attracted considerable attention
from the ebore by the eccentricity of ita
movements. Hither and thither it darted,
taking no pert in the attack, and aeerniug to
those of tho speetatore vomited of ordinary
reason to be engaged in some Quixotic par -
suit as a wild-goose ohase, Oat thundered
the 18 -ton gune at the ether boats, which
were attempting to force the booms, but
the erratio one still continued to move about,
neither firing nor otherwise engaging In of-
fensive operation', bat eimply gliding noise -
lode, from place to place. In her stern
was a large cylindrieal.sbbaped burden.
When the battle was over, and all the
"work of glory done," this lanuohateamed
under the shadow of Finish Island, and ob-
served by few, made her way to the sloping
shorn whioh lies immediately beneath the
workhouse Simultaneously with thio move -
meet, a Sootoh cart, which steed at the
door of a certain Cestletown public -house,
moved down the road at a brisk pace. In
a few minute, the few who were observing
saw the vehicle where the pinnace had stop-
ped. The occupant of the cart was one who
had been employed for week's with .a view
to this night, and those in the steam; pinnae
were officers of the Ajax, with a torpedo to
bang on to the A'dmirer's dag.ahip, For a
few moments neither the occupants of the
oast nor of the :tomer moved, The difli-
catty now was to laud the torpedo, The
country bristled with evened men and one
could scarcaly walk twenty yards without'
being confronted by a marine with a fixed
bayanetwho challenged thepester-by, The
watchword "" Berobaven" would have car-
ried them safely through, but as they be-
longed to the attacking fleet they had no
means of hearing it, so that the magnitude
of the task the plotters had set themselves
can be well imagined. However, while a
dark aloud obsoured the moon, the precious'
load was landed, I cannot trace the sub-
sequent proceedings, except to say that,
after traversing by -roads and ditches in-
numerable, the big torpedo moms eventually
to have been got into a boat which noise-
lessly threaded its way through the maze of
ships. 'When some thirty yards from one
of the vessels a challenge was given which
was satisfied with the answer "shore boat,"
Without further incident they arrived at
the flagship and, unobserved and in breath -
lees excitement, the big load was fixed to the
stern. The authorities on board the vessel
were at once informed of what had been
done, with what results may be imagined.
Bedroom 'Ventilation.
If two persons are to occupy a bedroom
during a night, let them step on weighing
scale, as they retire, and then again in the
morning, and they will find their actual
weight is at least a pound lese,iin the morn-
ing. Frequently there will be a lose of
two or more pounds; and the average loss
throughout the yeat will be more than one
pound ; that is, during the night there is a
Iosa of a pound of matter, which has gone
off from their bodies, partly through the
lungs and partly through the pores of the
akin. The escaped material is carbonic acid
and decayed animal matter or poisonous an-
imal exhalations. This is diffused through
the air and in part absorbed by bed -clothes.
If a single ounce of wood or cotton be burn-
ed in the room it will so completely satur-
ate the air with smoke that one can hardly
breathe, though there can only be an ounce
of foreign matter in the air, If an ounce be
burned every half-hour during the night the
air will be kept continually saturated with
the smoke, unless there be an open door or
window for it to escape. Now, the sixteen
ounces of smoke thus formed is far less poi-
sonous than sixteen ounces of exhalation
from the lungs and bodies of the two persons
who have lost a pound in weight duringjthe
hours of sleeping ; for while the dry smoke
is mainly taken into the lungs, the damp
odors from the body are absorbed into th
lungs and into the pores of the whole body
Need more to be said to show the importamoe
of having bedrooms well ventilated, and
thoroughly airing the sheets, coverlets and
mattreas"ds in the morning before packing
them in the -form of a newly laid bed?
A new use for old felt hate has been dis-
covered. Boil them up in strong soap -suds
until clear of all grease and dirt. When
dry, cut in strips of the right width and use
in your lamps for wicks, and you will be
surprised at the betterlight your lamps give.
They are also good for tacking. around , the
draughty doors.
1
SHORT.' AND CRISP.
XT WAS TUE AvDIENOn uIIAT SVPFEIIED,
" You say you sang forty-seven verses?'
" Yes," replied the vocalist proudly.
" I should thick it would have tired you
to death."
It probably would have done so, but it
was a chorus, and divided among so many of
ue there was leas than one verse apiece."
SITE WAS IMPOSING.
Several gentlemen were standing about the
door at a swell reception, when a fine loolfing
lady passed down the ball,
" By. Jove; said one, " that's a magnifi-
cent looking woman."
" Very imposing, indeed," said another.
"You bet she is," said a third ; "I know
for I've been her husband for ten years."
NOT ereca OF A BREAKFAST.
" Why, where le the mackerel I brought
home last night?-' asked Jenkinsat the
breakfast table,
" Do you mean the mackerel youbrought
home early this morning ?" inquired his wife
rigidly.
'" Er yea, of course, 1 was detained at
the office Iaat night, and I auppose it WAS
morning 'before l got home. But where is it?'
" Yon put it to soak in the wash basin,
and I bed to throw it away."
A ca tuctset 1.S IS A CRIT£ciebt.
A New York young man who imagines that
be is a painter, recently took one of his pro.
ductioua to an artist and eaid
" Now I want you to give nee a arlticism
on this,"
The real ariist turned the picture over .and
exaueiaed the baoa of it carefully, .and then
old
'" You, have made one groat mistake,. You
should have bought cheaper canvas,"
TUE SIMPLE, sem=ER »OARDEA,
" You aeem to raiee fine crape of hay on
this place," observed' tourist to a man who
wee taking up the fragrant stud:
" Yea," said the man.
" to you ship it to the city ?"
"Oh. uo," replied the mower ; " we use
it here in the hotel,"
" But.you;heve no horses," observed the
tourist ; " what da yon use it for 1"
" Green tea," responded the mower, as
he reached for the whetstone,
A'RANK VIWIRE.
Did i ever sea the play of "Julius Creaser 1"
exclaimed the pasenger from St. Louis
" VourseI did. We had it down to our
town last fall for throe nights. Say, It's a
daisy -cutter, ain't it ? Old Shakspoare made
a three -boor that bit, and no mistake. I
could look at a play like that seven nights a
week an' never get tired. They wore queer
suite in them days, but w'en't it a daisy mob,
though? And the way they got away with
that rank umpire, Caner, just did me good,"
NOT A 1Eor1.1Ie.
First doctor—" Do ;yea know I am begin-
ning to anepeat Slather' r
Second doctor—"" Yon surprise me, He
seems to be quite a a gentlemen."
First dootor—" Oh, certainly ; but I mean
--well, I bate to say it, but I suspect he is
not a regular practitioner."
Second doctor—" Yon horrify me 1"
First doctor—" Intact, I feel cartain of it.
Seoond doctor—" Upon, what do you base
your opinion?"
First doctor—" Upon feats, sir, facto. As
his patients recover,"
now To Work.
There is an art in working which requires
to be learned, Few boys understand it
We observed a boy hoeing potatoes the
other day. The fest few hills he had done
proved that he knew how to hoe potatoes
but the last hills showed that he did no
know how to work, He began at the top of
his speed, and by the time he had done a
dozen hills or so, he began to be tired of the
job.
His last hills differed from his first very
much, as the close of a child's letter differs
from the beginning. "My dearest mother"
is written like copperplate; but "your affec-
tionate son" is a mere scribble. He began
with his tongue curling out of his mouth in
his great desire to write his very best, but
by the time he had done telling his mother
about the base ball match yesterday, his hand
was tired, his patience gone, and he made
short and poor work of his most important
news.
Watch e. good workman. He is never in
a hurry; he never works fast; he seldom gets
tired, and when he is tired, he stops. The
great art of working is not to go beyond
your. pace. Every good horse has his pane
and in that pace he will do his ten miles
with pleasure, and come in fresh. Urge
him beyond his pace, or fret him with alter-
nate fast and slow, he will show signs of
fatigue, and end his day exhausted.
One test whether we are working right
or wrong is our enjoyment of our work, or
our want of enjoyment. The person who
is working oalrely and doing his best takes
pleasure in his work, The .merely fast
worker becomes fatigued ; fatigue induces
haste ; haete causes mistakes and slighting.
There is a man in New York who will
paint several landscapes is two days. An.
artist in oil would require four months to
paint one of them, and then he would think
it imperfect in many of its qualities and.
details.
A good anecdote' comes from Leavenworth,
Kan. During the recent ,rise in the Mis-
souri River a man was standing watching
the driftwood float past, when he called to
several colored brethren standing by and
said he would give them half of all they
fished out. They went to work and got out
enough to make a nice little sum for both.
THE LAWYER TURNED JDURG-
L L.li.
;The einem erCareer and sheath orJose)L
Haines Johnson.
Joseph Haines Johnson in 1510 read law
in Keene, He removed to Cincinnati, where
he became one of the most wealthy and re-
speotable wholesale merchants in that city,
and sustained a high standing and had an
intelligent and well-educated family. His
fortune was estimated at $100,000. The cir-
cumstances of his death were remarkable,.
and were thus given in a newspaper. One
of the clerks of a largo wholesale store was
roused from his sleep at midnight by e
noise ie an upper story, Ile immediately
proceeded to ascertain the cause. There was
an open hatchway from the garret to the
cellar, and down this he heard something
fall. Supposing that ewes geode had been
thrown down, be awakened a companion,.
and they watched the premises so that no
one went out till morning, when the cellar
was examined and the body of a man found
quite dead and mueb disfigured. He wan
armed with a knife and pistols and disguised
in a wig and false whiskers.
Depeudiug from the hatchway in the
third and fourth stories was found a cord
fastened by a hook from which the thief had
evidently fallen in the attempt to descend.
The body was buried. but the mayor order-
ed it to be taken up and publicly exposed,
in hopes that sotneoue would recognize it
and perhaps lead to the dieoovery of hie ao-
eonspitcos. It was at length reeognieed by
a gentleman who stopped to visit it, and
afterwards by some of his family who were
brought to view the body, The house of the
deceased was immediately taken possession
of by the polio, end' was found to have been
a perfect reoeptaelo of stolen goods, poem -
ed of every convenionce far carrying on the
trade. A range of stores four stories high
bad boon owned anal :coupled by him, and
were provided with vaults for the purpose
of aonceelment, and with subterranean pas-
sages leading to other houses, over which
na doubt he had control.
The stacks of chimneys had been convert-
ed Into ehannole far the conveying of geode
in and out wtthoutoxposureto thepubliceye,
Goode were found which bad been stolen
four yore before, and name which mould
have been taken a short tune before his
death, Thus perished Joseph Heiner John -
aeon, Ills dostli happened about September.
,1S$2, The young gentleman who drat found
hint was engaged to one of hie daughter',
A Singular Sentence.
One of the questfene, which is perplexing
social economists is this t What shall be
done with convicts during their confinement,
The queatlon flaw bean made prominent by
the demands of working masa that the State.
should oat allow 'prisoners to work at any
tredve lent they may lower the wages of
good o tlrens. Judge Krckol, of the United
Staten district Court of Missouri, recently
imposed a sentonae whichmay furnish a
hint to eoonomiats, The St. Louis Republi-
can gives the followingaccount of the gen
tante and its results :
"The moat singular sentence that ever
carne to aur knowledge was recently impos-
ed by Judge Krekel. William Hannah was
arraigned in+]sat court on the charge of sell -
Ing liquor to the Indians.
" He pleaded guilty, and gave as an ex-
cuse his ignorance of the law, and stated
that he could neither read nor write.
" He was a youngfeilow, and the Judge
not wishing to be too severe on an ignorant
man whose first offence was perhaps as ac-
cidental violation of the United States law,
gave him tome good advice, and proposed
to him that he should learn to write, and,
in order to insure success, sentenced him to
the Cole Coaaty jail until he should be able
to write a letter.
"Hannah expressed a doubt as to hie
being able to learn the art of writing; but
the judge assuredhim it could be done if he
appliedhimaeif within a reasonable time;
and in order to help him, he assigned a
teacher.
" The teacher was one Martin who, having
been convicted of cutting timber off of Gov-
ernment lands, was awaiting sentence. The
judge, calling up Martin, sentenced him to
Cole County jail fora term to expire when
he should have taught the man Hannah to
write. He willingly` consented, and the
two men went to jail.
"The success of this experiment in com-
pulsory education was evinced by the appear-
ance before the clerk of the court of Hannah,
who presented a specimen of very lair pen-
manship as a result of a little over three
weeks' application.
"As & further test, the clerk requested
him to write a letter. This teat was rather
too much for Hannah, who lacked readiness
in composition and was at a loss, he ex-
plained, for ideas.
" The clerk then dictated a letter to him
which he wrote very well, and having corn -
plied with the order of court by learning to
write, was discharged. Martin was also
discharged, bis part of the unkertaking in
teaching his fellow -prisoner to write being
lulfilled."
That was a good hit made in the Georgia
House of Representatives a day or two since.
The Rev. Dr. Felton moved that $500 each
be; appropriated for life-eizedportraits of the
eminent Baptist, the Rev. JesseMercer, and
the equally eminent Methodist, the late
Bishop Pierce, Mr. Arnheim, who is a de-
voted Jew, immediately arose and moved
that $25 be appropriated to secure a cheap
picture of Moses.
Quong Lee, a Chinese laundryman at La-
peer, Mich„ was given., three days by the
village washerwomen to leave town. The
women threatened to out his oue off unless
he complied with their request.
CIT$RE11IT FUN.
Popinjay says that he wishes he could in-
duce his wife to try the early -closing move-
ment on her mouth.
The presiding officer at a political meeting
is probably called "the chair" on account
of the apparently very general desire to sit
upon him,
An exchange hag this heading to a. long
article : " Insanity and Divorce." But the
writer does not tell why marriage should be
called le sanity.
"Weeds," says an agricultural paper,
"affect theyield of any crop." Not ex-
cepting widows' weeds, which have a very
marked effect on the matrimonial crop.
Thomas Wentworth liiggina,n is author
of a book entitled " Common Sense About
Women." The most common scents about
women are probably cologne and musk.
The chap who has received the most bon -
quota this epring from the ladies is a. fellow
who assaulted a woman with inteut to rob
and got a year in Estate prison. He was
pronounced " perfectly lovely,"
"Oh, you oIn laugh," exclaimed Fender.
son, with a above of impatience, " but I am
not quite so much, of a fool as you think I
am." " Tall you the truth,"said Fogg, "I
didn't believe it could be possible,"
Said the landlady, pensively eying the
healthy boarder : " These new potatoes
cost just twioeas much as the other kind."
"That's all right," rospnndedO healthy
boarder ; ""they are twice as Val and we
eat twioe as many of them,"
"I don't underatand how the railroada
can afford to reduce tbe fare to 1 sent a mile,"
"Oh, it's very simple." They have to
make up the loss in some way." "They
da," " How ?" " Make the sleeping -car
pewter divide with the company."
Gonanes, gracious l and bee it come to
this ? A lady is the horns ear remarked to
her oompanion: " Of course, I like to go
away in the summer, It's such a change,
you know. But then it is so tiresomo to
have ,no's husband around all day."
Thetlong-headed lover writes all his am-
atory epistle' with a type -writer now.
Not -only does he save time and Avoid difti-
eultios whiob autograph rnaauseript in-
volves, but by a judicious u'e of carbon
paper and blanks where propernelnes occur,
be can make four or five girl" .happy by a
"Ingle struggle with the maohfae.
"What is your occupation ?" the judge
asked the red -Wood man, "I'm a bartend-
er, your honor," was the reply. "Bat the
offioot ,wears you ro a loafer, and pa's the
greater part of your time In saloons."
" Don't a bartender pace most of hid time
in saloon:: 1" "True," mused the judge.
"By thewey," he &eked, "which side of
the bar do you tend!" "The outeido, your
honor." "" I thought eo," said the judge;
"throe months,"
Elepant billing a Boa,
The author of "" Up and Down the Irra-
waddy" relates the following !incident of his
visit, on an elepYtant'a beak, tin the caves of
Gentame, and an encounter with a huge'boa-
oonotrlotor
"Shortly after emerging from the jungle,
our liveliest curiosity was aroused by the
eccentric movements of our elephant, and
the 'sudden excitement of his mabout, or
driver. The man was leaninggber the head
of his beast, exploring the ground before him
on each side with anxious scrutiny, talking
all the while to the elephant in quick, sharp
ejecnletion, sometimes subdued, sometimes
almost whispered is his ear.
"' Old Injin Rubber'—the name of our
elephant—crept forward cautiously (imagine
an elephant on tip toe), hesitating, suspici-
ons, vigilant, defensive, holding his precious
trunk high in the air, Presently he stopped
short stared before him in evident agitation,
for I felt the mass of iteah vibrating beneath
me as when a heavy -laden waggon crosses a
suspension bridge.
"Suddenly with trumpet pointed to the
sky, he blew a sharp, brazen blast, and trot-
ted forward. At the same moment an ex-
clemation from the mahout told the story
in a word—
""The boa lthe boa !'
"Right in the path, where the nun was
hottest, lay a serpent, his vast length of
splendid ugliness gorged, torpid, and mo-
tionless—not coiled, but outstretched, pros
trate and limp—abject under the weight of
his own gluttony. The boa -constrictor had
just dined.
"' Old Injin Rubber' paused, as if for in-
structions; he received them from the ma
hout's boat -hook on the back of his skull.
Half a dozen more mile and lurches, and he
planted bis huge forefoot on the drunken
dragon's head. The monster wriggled and
squirmed, now twisting his great girth in
seemingly everlasting knots ; now erecting
all his length, without a khaki in the air ;
now thrashing the ground with, esounding
stripes, till at last, beaten out, this strength
all spent, even his tall subdued, he lay dead.
Then again and again the elephant tossed
the serpent's dying bulk indignantly in the
air, and dashed it to the earth."
A struggle between a maniao armed with
a pitohfork and a cripple equipped with an
empty gun enlivened Great Bend, Kan.,
lately, The crazy man had his adversary
at his mercy, when he was lassoed by a
third party.
A bashful young man in Georgia who was
afraid to propose to his sweetheart induced
her to fire at him with a pistol, which b
assured her was only loaded with powder'
and after she had done so iell down and pre
tended to be dead. She threw herself wild
ly upon the body galling him; her darling an
her beloved, whereupon he got up and m
ried her,