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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Exeter Times, 1885-3-26, Page 3-t TRIT AND HUMOR.. A. I adfjitPhiladelphia asked a gentle- man the' either owning toset her watch for her. Re set it an hour too fast. The next morning she was just five minutes late for breakfast—New Yark Tribune.. Mrs, I3—"Aro you not going to cele.. grate your wooden wedding?" Mrs, 0— "No; my first weddin?; was a wooden one." Mrs, --"Ola, it could not be, you know." Mrs. C—"It was, I married a blockhead." ""May the young couple enjoy all the happiness and escape all the miseries of matrimony," is the way a Western editor ends up a marriage notice.It is safe to assume that he did not take that copyhome to his wife. It is announced that Spanish dances are coining into fashion, Young Sprucey, whose girl's fath©r #rade. him "walk Spanish" the other night, says the step is too sudden and forced to become popular., --Norristown Hereto;* A lady in Fonda, N. Y.. who is 92 years old, is just learning to play the piano. She says that a woman who can't play some sort of an instrument. nowadays stands a pretty poor chance of getting married.—.F3w nylon k'ree Press, In Landon there is a school in which monkeys are taught the English len- guago from blockson which the letters are printed. Next thing we know an effort will be made to import instruc- tion to the American dude,—Norris- Gown Herald, A New York paper makes a big fuss about A ealf with a human head. That's nothing; we have hundreds of thein right here in this city, They wear clothes just like leen, and generally stand on corners and ogle the girls.— .11alltimore Day. It Is getting. fashionable for ladies to wear fruits instead of flowers. The Chicago girl who went to a fancy ball recently with a lame watermelon snug- ly ensconced in each of her slipper - bows was voted to be tineueen of the fashion,•—Bur.tington. Free gess. They were disputing about something or other. when Mrs. Fogg impatiently exclaimed. "0, well, sir. you have your way. You always were an off horse." "Yes, my dear," replied Foggy, "and an off horse, you know. is always on tbo right side," A, noiseless roller-skate has been in vented. There is probably no device the ingenuityof man can contrive that will make noiseless the man who usoa such skates the first time, and site down upon the back of his head t t his logs shooting heavenward. Nott but death. All the noted astronomers lived vory long lives. They wore obliged to in order to find out anything worth pub- lishing. The astronomy busiuess is up- hill work, and has been unprofitable until patent medicine people began to offer rewards for new atom—New Or- leal:s Picayune, "John nue pigs look rather queer. Have they been fed?" John—"Yes, sir." Dttir •plan— "What diel you give them?" John—"As there wasn't noth- ing else, l gave them the milk that was lectin the cauls when the men got bank from the vile." Dairyman—"Great Jo.$ctllltt-d What have you done? Run for the duetor." "Father," rltteriod young Fenderson, whatisa 'society event'?" A'society event' is what I call one of your mother's crazy -quilt parties, if I can +Yet the editor to put it in for nothing. Tf I can't get it in for nothing 1 Pahl it a shame, and ask him when he's going to print something the people like to read." "What name does your husband call you by?" said :t bride to a friend who had been married several years; "does he call you ducky or lovey? My dar- ling culls mo ducky." "Does he? Mine used to call me popsey-wopsey, but he doesn't use that term now." -What does he call you then?" "Ho calls inc. "Say there? "—Somerville journal. "How often do you present your bill to that young fellow?" said a gentle- man to a cigar -store man whom a dude told to charge him with a package or cigarettes. "Quarterly sir." "What? You don't mean to say you trust him for three months?" "Oh, no, of course not. Quarterly in this case means every time the bill amounts to a quarter." -Merchant Tailor. A California editor, who has evident- ly been rusticating to the fullest extent of the term, is moved to remark phil- osophically that "the passion for illicit watermelon is something which age nor infirmity has power to mi.': It is thus that vice has ever sought to justify itself, but it is painful to see it boldly flaunted in the face of the public.— Indianapolis Journal. "My son," asked a proud father, after the usual ' greetings upon the young man's return from college, "have you a microscope among your traps?" "A microscope, dad?" re- plied the astonished youth. "Yes, niy son; you have been in college, you. know, four years, and I thought if you had a microscope handy I should like to see how much you had learned." They were strolling in the green fields, and he was telling her of his love.' Just as he was on the point of asking her to marry him a cow. which f'',J(Ri ;i ,.'--\ was concealed by a bush a few feet away, mooed long and loud. Did the girl faint away or run away or scream? " t. *�� • �� No. She gave one little imperceptible r ' �' cow.. As.you wer. e saying, George— - EAsTGE start and sem 1yromarked: "Ga away,Y S U aua,re:.n-� --Neeb' York ,gun: The best dry hop yeast in the world. Bread raised by, this yeast is tight, white and whole- some.... like our grlindmother's' deiiciogs bread. GROCERS "SELL` THEMi POEPARfiD El r THE Price Baking P'ovvcite :Co., llaa'rrs of Br. Price's Silecla1 Flavorlf)� ExamChicago. 111. pt. Louis. Mo. New Geography, Of what is the surface of the earth composed? Of corner lots, mighty poor roads, railroad tracks, base ball grounds, cricket fields and skating rinks. What portion of the globe is water? ,about ' three-fourths. Sometimes they add a little gin and nutmeg to it. What its a town? A town is a considerable collection of houses and inhabitants, with four :or five men who "run the party" and lend money at 15 per cent interest, What is a city? A city is an incorporated town, with a Mayor. who believes the whole world shakes when he happens to fall flat on tt .cross -wally Whitt is oouliuerce? Borrowing $5 for a day or two, and dodging the•lender for a year or two, Name the different races. Horse race, boat race,bicycle race, and racing around to find amen to in- dorse your note. Into how many classes is mankind divided? Six—being enlightened, civilized, half -civilized, savage, too utter, not worth a cent, and Indian agents. What natious are called enlightened? !'hose who have the most wars and the worst laws, and ,produce the worst criminals. How many motions has the earth? That's according to how you mix your .drinks and which way you go home, What is the earth's axis? The lines passing between New York and San Francisco. What causes day and night? Day is caused by night getting tired otit N,glet is caused by everybody taking the street oars and going home to supper. What is a map? A man is a drawing to show the jury where Smith stood when Jones gave him a lift under the eye. What is a mariner's compass? A jug holding four gallons.—San •Undertea.keor "WOULD SAX TO purchasing to de sit o fronzud the manufacturer. The dealer who buys to sell again must nccessarity have tt proi3t. We maim to givethe purchasers the benefit, which cannot fail to meet the views of the Grangers. Our expenses 'metes athan those of cite menu factttreraconxe4"'en t we eau selloheaver. G & S. GIDT.EY rt,tucl 11'1 .x .an•1.1, stt.'tu1.S'1 WE WOULD *all speeialatttentie stsour undertakingdopart teent,which is more cont plots than ever,nswe have t late he+}beswt colfliess easeeta ahrceds,aud every :neral requisit+ at tl'e loeesipries Our new hearse is pronour..edby oompetent indges to 1ff second to nor's In, the provinces Emblems of all the Different Someties. UNDERTAKER AND Funerals tarnished a.,. conducted, at the very low. est rates' MYIStoek of Undertaking geode is targe, complete and we asserted, and any person .requiring auythiils in this nue will fladit to theiradvantageto give me a call and examine to themselves. CABIiET-IAKfR. 1 have just race veil a ergo stock Walnut and Rosewood Caskets; also Puffins of *very deserip, tion. A complete stork or' Robes atad Triton -doge alway Ga hand. The latest styles of Chamber a"d Parlor Suits All !colds of Furniture at the loweatretee. TELE 'BUSY t*EAlt t".` 'lite'. CQUNVIC Remember the place -.Nearly opposite Kemp's'Pobaeco Store, Af ' u•etrcet, Fxctar. VOztaVitAIVINT Exeter Post Office Time Table. 1I31i,S AT,RIVE Eirkton,Woodbam, Wia-heleea and Ei{lnville X8.15 South,eastand wesf,inoladtug I.Ontlon,ilantilton, Toronto Montreal, klanit•� oba,UnitotiState„F.ngliehandfnreit;nwells ».. ,.. .. ».. ... ... ... .. i0,45 a,n1.i9.0 a, lu South, east west &c .., ,.. , .'» .:1.18 p.m North and eazQincluding Godoricb, wiughaul, Klucardnt i ' l"• w Qtrat1Oid,Torop3.o, Montreal, and eteiteru Statee.. . . alll'otntsu.Ortll,. ... . .. ... .„.. i1C.tea,nl y846 a. ru tli east tb Francsco News Letter: ". ,,, „ Odd Nance,: for I'astoffices, Semite Tuesdays, Tburxdayaanallaatardaya Dismal, Thum)), Day Book, Bad Axe, Calicu. Rocks. It:tra Avis Seven Stars, Leap Year, Haphazard, Bay,OId.R'tw- hide, Difficult, Baby Mine, Beau 'Loo- sen), Yankee, .Pay Up, Hard Money, Happy Bone, widg Awake, Alligator, Needy. Moon, Padlock, Iltotvhorn, Lub- bob. 73utterliv,,'Lib, Autdnane, Rain- brltv.S'rnii, Fueli.tr, Bnsir, 131nubi,.Bee. Ln;u, Z •ro, Marrowbone. NI.; ru Foot, Jtuup. ¥ou :lit 1. Grvt nlmru. 'Tender- foot, Sunshine ;Buck, S.moolly, Oil Trough, Nine Tinges;, Blowout, Gun- powder, Last Chance. Omar Grit, Greasy, Tal.v leo, Mary Esther, Why Not, MSpanker. Veto, Round Bnttotn. King of Prussia. Joy, Hayfork, Plunk), L:tntt of Promise, Mouse 'Tail, Pocket, Port Wino, Side View. Good Luek,Bug Hill, Worms, l)ue West, Fair Play. Coin, Coal Fire, Sodom, Hurt, Sleepy Eye. Drone, Bird Song, Black Bear, Pinafore, Buttercup, Unique, Sunflower, Wormwood.—Washington r,.1r.r,• The E;lglish Foreign UfFiee spenas $50,000 :t year for lues;,engers, dis- t:Went:1g a weekly sorwiuu to Cotlstan- dimpie, and a furtnigutly one to Berlin and St. Rttursiiurg. TEST YOUR BAKING POLDER TODAY! Brands nd rcrtl tied ns absolutely puro COIV'i`A=N A,A1CMCIPXVIA. THE TEST: !larva can top down on a but store until beated,tlten remove the cover and a.noll. A Chet:net will not be re - (Mired to detect the preseaoo of ammonia. ROES NOT CONTAIN AMi1ONIA. ITS IIBAL•rnFr[ARRES HAS NEVER DUN QUESTIONED, In a million homes for a quarter of a century it has stood the consumers' reliable: test, THE TEST OF THE OYER. PRICE BAKING POWDER CO., DK:Ii:20Y OS Drt, Price's Special F!ayorinK Extracts, tin • .ronge.t, most delicious sad natural flumina -.,and r.. Price's Lupulin •Yeast Gems or Light, Healthy Dread, The Bad. Dry Hop Yeast itn;.the World: FOR SALE BY GROCERS. CHICAGO. - ST. LOUIS. LIGHT HEALTHY BREAD sPRICie Charles Cooper, of Geneseo, prints the following card: "I think the world of my wife and child, and want them to come back to me, and I will take good care • of them. It will look better and be better for us all if she will return and bring the child to its father. That is the way the public regards it.” 31ONEY OIiDiSRS Issued and paid ou and front any Stone • Order Office iu thePou> {ufan o(Catia+ia,Gcon tBritain and Lreland,Brltieb India, Newfoundland ,1tally,Anbtralia,\ey South Wel.s, Tar,ma>aia, New zolaed,n France ago 4igeria, tto German Emptle, awodeu,;rorwac. Dentuare, leelaud.11elglnm, the Nntb• *fiends,Switzerland,Austria•iiungary, noulaania, United StrumJemetcaend Barbados. POST 0FF,l: E S AVIN ti Slit N i►, Deposits will bo receh+ed at this Wilms from til to 000. 11ep„sitera Obreining the 1'ostmastcr- Goueral'a special permission can deposit81000, Deuce:Aron Savings Bank accowit rocolvedfrttrrr 13, a m. to 3 r. m. interest at 4 per ocnt per *ne ml will be allowed ou 011 deposits: OWAce hour, f.om 7.50 it. m, to 7 p.m, Letters intendedforregietratfoa must be posted Li miuutea belore the closing of ascii Mail. N li-itis partieularyrequested that the senders of matter will kindly add the mace of tko, Counties to the addressee. D:JOBNS, Postmaster. :CAA Lt.m.F5,30vote ,,, 7.iup, ui.4$.45 ...817ara Ile Oil I+m a Health & (Happiness for all. WILL CURE OR RELIEVE Biliousness, Headache, Dys- pepsia, indigestion, Dizziness, Jaundice, Drowsy, I!itt•;ing of tree Ant OTCrt• s; -r .,n cf G• .. ..: .fU:.t Impinge ia,1,.i, � ...: •r11•.11 (21' :: Exeter .Butcher Shop R. DAVIS, Butcher & General Dealer --IN iLL KINDS OF - Customers supplied TUESDAYS, THURS- DAYS PND SATURDAYS at their residence ORDERS LEFT AT THE SHOP WILL RE • CEIVE' PROMPT ':ATTENTION. 1200 0 in presents given away.Send us 5 cents postage and by mail yon will get ITC 11, package of gods of /ergo value,that will 'start you in work that will at once bang you in mopey faster than any;liing else 1n America. All about the 8200,-_ 0,00 in•presents with earthvo'x: A gents w anted everywhere. of -tither sex, Of all ages for all the time, or rears ttme only, to work torus at treirown homes. lrortunes for all workers absolutely asspred. Don't delay, H. $ALLETT & CO:, Portland .xraine, ATTENTION I Pp'xtres wishing Lumbercut to order should take their logs to Brooks' Old Saw mill, 2e miles west of Murray's Corner, where there 1e room for any uurintity Mill will 0emnle nce running about let March .0 11 reports to the contrary notwithsta..cdeg, after which time all kinds of lumber wiill,be kept for sale. J. N, HOWARD, Prop' mioRc.1Q ABSOLUTE DIVORCIIS 'volt IC Atusfu pe: sous residing. throughout the United Stfttes and Canada for t.esertion, iron- supportintemperance,creelty,incoin patibility, ere. Advice free, State your case and address ATTORNEY WARD 0,.,.1,3 Building, 1267 • Broitdway; New York. • ARNICA and OIL LINIMENT CURES ALL Pains and Aches, AND IS THE MOST PERFECT FAXEN tdEDI0111E in tha WORLn ! SOLD BY ALL DEALERS. PRICE, 25 AND 50 CANTS PLR BOTTLE. r., Cherry No other comp'.aittsare ee ,iionsintheir attackaethosolttfeet t tithe 11428.4r anii lungs* none so trilled will% by tl,o ns . riiy of suttee. ers, ..The ol,'u •„•y el r,;',t or CCA, t•: a,LlDR perhaps from a tri tl4 or uneea:eleas ex- posure, is often but the I•c, ';u,it g of a fatal aiekllOSS. ,m1.;.•;; C ...t.l I'k•1.+4.41:A1. 1t' 3 proven it, e.:. tt ,' in a forty l•cars' dolt Fath throat and ,u: g ti.acases, and shouhi lw taken to all cases Irlitr0ut dela. A Terrible Cough Cured. "In t : ; I t,•:4i a severe cold, which affected tee It • 1 h:t.1 a'terrible cough, and prised 1 I.+ atter night Without sleep. The doe Cera F t ale ult. 1 tried AYza'B CRERRY 1 u'1• :.i..cl, relieved my laws,flu 1 tr,i 1' tad atlordod 1:15 the rest n0eest,sry 1 -•• recovery of my strength.' L'; t!:0 ere of the rzereBAL a Nenbn. 1 1 < : o i . Uected. I flu now, o I:.: t• i hearty, an ala aatisileS year 4a,.0irt ,ORAL eared Ale, 13oae0* FA2RBa *slam" Beekingltaru, Vt., duly 15, 16b2. Croup. -A 'father's Tribnte. ' 1: I. • t, In the country leet winter my Iittlei Is.** twee yererohl,wax taken ill with croup: 11 t ;c:l a: it he woulddie from stra.gu 1 . e ne..4 ube family suggested the use of 1.1 e.1: r C'itercuY Plicrons,L, a bottle of '5 ,n 32.085 IDV.:Iya kept in the douse. TAl/ zti ,t t: , u r .111 and frequent doses, Ana to , t tv :l.t 141 fres than halt so hour teat. i { •tt., L unit brrntlling easily. The doe- •l cast the Litt 1:pt' V) [IONA!, iat,A snit V ter .1.e.,14;'12 l,ft, ('an )011 weeder an 24.r b:,liiiuc.e l /due, 14 i 1. -pro, /C4:• -.t lt..A 61-DNET." 10 West I2tth St., Ix n.0 Y:::l:, .ling 1e, l? .. I hive 2(14,1 Avre's (•:'Fttnv Prc70114n4 in I 1 1 1. r et t i r'ttn, :nt,l (10 AOL 1 : , p us0111,0 iC i".r a, Dat effectual r j for cuu;;lut ,cud Cal+;a '.c hate ever t.. • A, d, ('RAZE," Lase Crystal, 1.1inn,, March 15, 1910. " ,gfr.•re.l for eight years from Bronchitis, awl 4. ,1i`, eases• rea,r,,il8 Willi 00 due- t,.1.• rti. (1 t.y the 0;,o, t Al r.11's ClIKEr i .:t 1t.. .D,S1.1.14 WALDEN." ..;:..,:.t:, Msg., April 5, 1222. 1 s y epanni in praise of Av ax's t tl,`t., b, .tirg as I do thee t its its, 1 1LOuld lolls:hwc Lav* :tied 3 .l .un.t: tr.,ni,leti. k',. 1i1:40:aoN.- ka:cst1.w, Texan, April 2:, 3612'. No case of an affection of Oho throat or lungs exists which cannot bo graat17renieged Alt the use of Assn's CtrAaAT PPCr0BAL, and it well e4Pctye aero when tbo disease f5 sot already beyoad the control of medicine- ranrarese It7 Dr.J.C.Ayer&Co., Lowell, Masi Sold by all Druggists n z 0 Nb' t;L ,t;IR Na H...D O l y,.-'1 Y' ELIX ilas stood the teat for Ilya a ': : '1 esus, and hasp proved it t )11., • 1 remedy known 1.l1 1!. t:en: o Consurnptloft, Coeds, W hoc;'l�,e-:-- r, ^,• and all Lul'Z'; W +aI4.A V .:° i . young or old, :int.', Price, 25c. and ro* CI r.z: .. PREEI[AN'S WORM POWDER b. Are pleasant to take. Contain thetr awn Purgative, Is e, ante, surd, and oircefuat N/ttoyer of worms ie ChiidrenorAdulte. How Lost, 'flow Restosed. ion o DR. chave CrILVE11 W r,T,L'Sblished a new CEL CELEBRATED ESSAY ou the radical and t ereclielne)of Nervous 1))obilitye:ilental iendhout physical Incapacity impediments to 3inrrlege, etc.,ro. enifiug from excesses. Price, in coaled enve&o po, only 6 cents, or two Postage stamps. The celebrated :tether of this oesa clearlydemonetrates,from thirty pmara' ssuccens- ful practice, that alar aingconsequences maybe radically cured without the dangerous use of in torna] medicines or the use of the knife ; Point- ont amode of cure at once simpie certain and ef- foctun 1,bmeant; of which every sufferer,lnomat- ter what his condition may bo, may cure himself chaaply,privately and radically. I Tlii leotureshouldbeinthe handsof every youth and every Elan in the land. Address THE CULVIIRWELL MEDIOAL•Co 41 ANN Sr.,NEW YORE Poet Office Fox 450 T OST, BE I'WEEN EXETER & Hensall, on the Lith of February, a dark Mint- Fur Boa Any porson finding the Same will be suitably .awarded by leaving it with Bev J, Ball .Eensall, or Thos. Prior, Exeter. THOS.PRIOR, Exeter. I *ILL' PAY $2.110 PER DAY To all who work for me et home. To many I can afford to Anymore. STEADY Elkin.' 'rMENT, LIGHT, PLEASANT NORR, Send Postal Card to W. W,RYDOUT, Lon 1$vill'*. Ky. , • - 1 CURE FITS! 7 not mein merely to stop them fey a; time snd then have themrelent again. !moms s radical cure. I here made the disease of FITS, EPILEPSY or PAWING SICKNESS s ltte•Ieng study. 1 warrant m7 remedy to"caro the Trona pace,. eouveo,othen he.r. teMel to no reason for not ao w raeeirin a CO n g lib 8a d at once for s Farms, yes, a and • 050.. Itle costa you Infallible remedy. Ghee twill um and Pon ernes. Ii Ce.ts you nntht ,g for a trld8 and Twill cont you. Addraeanr, n. 0. DOOT,181*earl 86, Now York. �� SU PTID I barn s1,iltive' reined for lee :trove .�Iseesc; by Its use thhueund9 ofgsee Of the worst kind and at long molding b6vo'hdeo cared. Indeed, eo ntrdo2 In my teeth in its .eelcaly, nuts 1 01II send T5'O SOTTLE:1 1,11125, together with o VAL. 0.2222.8 EA ISE an tT,la d seem. to fins sufferer, tiive Tia- 10450and .P 0, 'Actress,DR,T.,a, IL00UM, 1111 Pearl St„ N.Y.. ADVERTISERS send ler our select list of Loa I News apers, Geo. P. Rowell,tz Co, 30'Spruce•St..•N. 2'. A—Grtou—Irs WANTED— TUN SON'S New & Superior Canada, Maps & Charts As paying as any agency in the world. For full particulars, free, address, H. C. TUNISON Nap Publisher 388 RI ohm ond•st.,London•Ont. Established 1871. G. W. SHALLCROSSa4 CO NEW YORK, Fills orders, sells on Commission, or will per. chase Apples, Potatoes and Poultry. Write. n8, THE EXETE] planing Mil) SASH, DOOR, and ELI}ID !C0M! ALL ;KINDS OF TURNINC4 Done to order. Rememberithe place. laver ,t J ow ard. STATION -ST.