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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Exeter Times, 1885-2-5, Page 61 vola About Making Pani. Thge are people in All .i we. , e who > ttdciipctou to making fans artOn ail subjents of pourers's:104k WI MAW do not realize how ofte* those who are afflicted br listening, to them. are en She Doted on Realism. "Oh, I do so >ailu.O S ttoo}t."• aidci, a �Fa ., puputtinga1I t witl s sat could sat eoupiaal,ed, a work from the pen of a realistic nov. alist "Everythin is so natural, Why, the point of killing- theunster. The it speaks of the heroine stopping on following, letter from a Pouug elan in the stairway and tying her shoo." New Orleans explains itself; "Very thrilling," replied her hus- Mrs. Guo. W.I'ncs-Sir: As ou are a band; professional humorist, I would like to hear "Oh, no, dear, it is not thrilling. your opinion of a pun. I hate to admit it, but it is so real. That's what I call ut must. I are a punster. 1 fell into the fine art." habit two "ars'ago, end sill"then I have ""It was no doubt necessary for the not had a, unmient's peace: If [ attend a sociable, I return home bearing with. tee Young lady to stop and tie her shoe, the hate of every one who was preaeut. but I don't know that it was art. Any Albs So and So, wilt tell the company about one of even alight digital education, something I make a aaiiin like sit blamed. there , can tie a shoe ." rlat'B Ssveal. mere act of tying a shoe implies no art, 1', S. --As you will observe, I refrain from but the fact that that the novelist inflicting any punishment upon you. should have spoken of anything so 'I• S` natural is art." The young elan has done right in +Then, in your opinion, high art asking advice as to how he Can cure must be easily attained. I am think- hiznself of the terrible habit. He has ing of writing a piece of high art. I made an advance in the way of a cure. feel the inspiration. Give lee pen and remedy? ' Respectfully "Oh, you don't understand. The as he has admitted that he is a "blam- ed fool,"souaethin; his friends have, no doubt; discovered long ago. Rettig in the drug business. be can eaail • cure himself. Whenever he Rads he has givenexpression to a pun, he should papers Turning to a table he busied himself with writing: and then, calling his wife. said: "Here's a chapter from my forth- eomino. book: the calf stood in the take a piece of asatoetida about as big, i lot, A horsefly buzzed among the as a hickory nut and chew it. He wif leaves of a peach tree. A. gray -headed not feel like making another pun as roan, with:~ gouty limp, blew his nose He should carry some of the drug in calf switched his tail. A hawk flew his vest pocket when he goes out itt over and a chicken squalled. The company, and keep a piece in ilia calf held up his head and said bah. A mouth constantly. it may be ofl:ee- dog jumped ever the fenee .and very sive to the company. but it will not be cautiously approached the calf. The half SQ oflenslve as his old back nuns- calf snorted and looked intently at the ber, teeth -worn puns, and he will be- deg. The calf said bah, and the dog come a favorite. If this course will tucked his tail and jumped over the not cure him he had bettor go and (once, Now, my dear, is trot this real- drown himself, There is no auoh a istieP" thing as a new pun, As every word that '"11'B disgusting." is susceptible of a pun baa bean putt- "It is perfectly natural. Take, for nett upon for thousands of years. so when you hear a person make a pun you may be sure that it is a thousand years old. If a man or woman. when lxlakiug A pun on a word, realized that eh? I see that you don't bite realjsm." long AS the taste Felnalns its las mouth. altd let down the back window, The instance, the old man blowing his nose. How life like it is, quite as much as the picture of the young lady who tied her shoes. I make you tired the Egyptian mummy in the museum, ..-Arkaaraaul Traveler.anal laughed at it boisterously, he when al ve, had made the same pan. would be ashamed of his own attempt. The sh language is good enough if you. take it stright, anti it is foolish N O POISON OISON to torture it, The man who makes puns habitually is usually a weak man IN THE PASTRY who imagines he is smart, as pan can IF see by watching him as he laughs at his own smartness. As good a way as any to squelch a punster is to listen to his pun, look thoughtfully and nay. "B. C." or "Credit it to Adana." Young men who get in the habit of making puns on all occasions lose their positions, girls go back on them, and they go through. lite alone, except in rare instances. Agirl haus to face the prospect of a lifetime of poor puna, and they will think twice before mar- rying, a punster, as he is liable to praotioe his puns on his wife. There ought to be an asylum for punsters, whore they can go and be cured, or kill each other with puns.. There is nothing that throws a damper on the enjoyment of a party like the presence of a punster, 1 who puns and looks around for a smile of appreciation, and not getting it smiles himself. At a picnic they have a habit of throwing a punster up in a blanket, or passing the pickles to him frequently, or sitting him on an ant's nest, or making him climb a tree to put up a swing, anything to heap him busy go he will forget his terrible habit. Punsters are tolerated because they ere weak, but the looks of pity and con- tempt they receive ought to show them how foolish they are. There is noth- ing original or funny in any pun that has been sprung upon any party in the past thousand years, and the sooner punsters find it out the better. Some papers make a specialty of puns, mis- taking them for humor. If editors could see the oontempt in which people pass over the columns of puna it would wake them up. There is some excuse for a foolish fellow to make puns, be- cause he has never been told that he is weak, but for an editor to rack his brain to build fool puus for the people to read, is awful. A pun spoken soon croes away with the atmosphere and is lost, but a pun printed in a newspaper is on record, a constant source of an- noyance to the reader, and a sorrow to the writer of it, after he once gets sense and realizes how weak he was when he was a punster. Young men should strive to make themselves in- teresting in conversation, but the pun is the last thing they should practice, as it makes people sick. A druggist in western Wisconsin had a great habit of making puns a few years ago, and no customer was safe to go to the store to buy anything. They all got a pun with their medicine, and sometimes the pun was worse than the drugs to take. One night a man named Otto Padman was stabbed in the breast, and was taken into the drug store to be sewed up.• While the doctor was at work on the man the druggist came up and af- ter looking at tie wound he said: "Ybu Otto had a liver Padman." The wounded and dying man heard it, and it was too much. He could stand. the stab with cold steel, but to be stabbed with a pun was too much. and he haul- ed back one foot and kicked the drug- gist on the nose. The druggist has never made a pun since, and we don't. know but a kick in the nose is about as good a cure as any.—Peck's Sun. Experiments on an . extensive scale have been made by the Dutch Govern- ment to ascertain the relative strength of iron and steel girders. The soft steel girders proved to be 22 per cent. and the hard steel girders 66 per cent. stronger than the iron girders. It was pretty well established that the strength of steel girders is about the same for the two flangos if•they are made alike in section. CATARRH— A NEW TREATMENT' I'erbaps the most extraordinarysucces8 that has bean achieved inmodern medicine Les :wen attained by the Dixon treatment for Oa. tarrh. Oat of 2,000 patients treated during the last six• months, fully ninety per cent. have been cured of this stubborn malady. Thin is none the lens startling when itis remembered that not five per cent. of patients presenting themselves to the regular practitioner are be. uefittod, wiile the natant moaloioes and other advertised mires never record a -etre at all, Starttng with the claim now generally belie by the most scientific tnen"thatdisease is due to the presence of living uaraaites in the tissue, Mr. iso n at once adapted hia • cure to their extermination—this a000mpliahed, he claims the Catarrh is'praotieallycured, and the par manency unquestioned, as cures effected by him four years ago are cures still. No one alae /ass attetuuted to cure Catarrh .b this ananuer,endno other treatment ever cured Catarrh. Thi application of the remedy is simple, an.l can be done at home, and the presentseason et the year is the moat favor. - able fora speedy and permanent cure, the majority of cases being cured at one treat- ment Sufferers should corresnnnd with I Mosars. A. n DIXON Qc SON, 305 Hing street VeSt,TOrQnto, Canada, and euelose stamp for their treatise on Catarrh. --Montreal Slew, Byer. 17.:88•. LARDINE MACHINE OIL. T1ARMERS, THRESHERS. ANI) 1. =inlet* win save money, and save their Mach,ttery by using Lardiue. Vaatllet.Leasea, Orange, rte., flavor Cakes. Creaaas,Paddlass,.1Ge.,114 deileatetyaad iiat- tiredly aetie trot ureas width they are mods. FOR STRENGTH AND TRITE FRUIT FLAVOR THEY STAND ALONE. PREPARED ■T TIQ Prise diking Powder Co., Chicago, 111. fit. Louis, Ma. •As5RE oP Eat Price's Cream Baking Powder AMD— r. Price's Lupulin Yeast Gems, Seat Drs Sop Yeast. IrOR 13___ 233 (S• ' a. WE NAPE BUT ONE QUALITY. LIGHT HEALTHY BREAD t4tVPIC 01/.04, YEASTGEMS The hest dry hop yeast in the world. Bead raised by this yeast is light, white and whole- some like our grandmother's delicious bread, LA.I-IDINE Hae been yictorionw at all the a4ipg exhib. trona and iiidle netrial fairs since 1878. oarryinaoff first prises and medals in, every instance, It has now no equal as a lubricator, ant will out. wear lard, seal or orator oil, and warranted not to clog or guutthet#neatmaobinery. X01; Will save money by using Chia Oil. TeY it and you will testify in its favor, Bowaro 01 imitations. GROCERS SELL THEM. PREPARED DY THE Price Baking Powder Co., Nan'rrs of Br. Price's Special Flavoring Extracts, Chicago. 11I. St. Louis. Mo. for working people. Se, d 19 cents postage, and we will mail you free, a royal, valuable sample box of gools that will put you in the way of making more money in a few days than you ever thought posal- b,e at any business. Capital not required. Sou can live at home and work spare time only or all the time.' All of both sexes of all ages grandly successful. 50 cents to 39 easily earned every evening.. That a 11 who want work may test the business, we make tbis unparalleled offer: 7'o all who are not well satisfledwe will send 01 to pay for the t:.ouble of writing us. bull particulars, directions, &c. sent free. Immense pay absolutely sure for all who eta)t at once. Don't delay. Address STINsoN & C -,..POI tlaud,Maine. .–MANUYACTUi1At ONLY McColl. Bros. Co., Toronto. ^•yeti SAWS BY— I3ISSETT BROS., Exeter ; J. EMBER k SON, Credttou ; McDONELL R SVAUGU, Benson Clearing Sale, Baclr c Old $taan.d. (2 Doors north of Poet OUlce) Butter and Eggs Wanted in Exchange for Goods. Trade Mark. GOLDEN OREAM, r.n ORBitdE D'QR� Thebeat preparationknown to science forbeautifying the COMPLEXION OP SrNGLII., A.PPLIC&TION is warranted to Beautify the !ace and give to the Fadedor Sallow Cord., plezion a Perfectly Healthy.' Natural • and •, Youthful Appearance.. It Conceals wrinkles. Natural,' Crow's .Peery and the Evidence of Age, leaving the Skim Soft, Smooth. and White. PIMOE--50 conte, Sent to any address. Posher. stamps taken. Address all letterato- # CREME D' OR, Drawer 2,678, Toronto P.O. • Ask your druggist for it. Wholesale by all whole. sale druggists. We have just reoeived alarge consignment of goods direct from wholesale houses, which we will sell at very close prices. plondld value in Casbtneros, Velveteens, Grey, Soar. let, Canton and Homemade Flannels. A nice line of table napkins and covers. Splendid Winoey, Grey and White Cotton—very cheap ,Also Tweeds and Ready-made Clothing. Let groceries to be sold vercy cheap. In Bootie & Shoes we have added some new lines, and are preparod to sell the beat goods at close prices. JOStT MATHESN. May 29th. Exeter. SUS fan B11 � do( k 11111111 11111111 BLOOD bITTERS Cures Dizriness, -Loss of Appetite, Indigestion, Biliousness, Dyspepsia, Jaundice, Affections of the .Liver and Kidneys, Pimples, Blotches, Boils, Humors, Salt Rheum, Scrofula, Zrysipetas, and all diseases arising front Impure .Blood, Deranged Stomach, or irregular action of the Bowels. Advertise in the Exeter TIMES. TRE BANS of TIME Wishes to announce to the inhabitants of Exeter and vicinity. that he has opened out a soot ad shoe strop • in the Horner Store North of Barnwell it Pickard's, where he' is prepared to make all kinds o; ordered work. Sewed work a speciality. Repairing promptly attended to. GEO. MANSON, Late Manager C. Eacrett's Boot and Shoe Establishment. May 14th 84. International and Colonial Exhibitions. ANTWERP IN 1885—LONDON IN 1886. Main Street, Exeter. TIZOS ]rzToN Keeps Watches That Are Watches, And are warranted correctfor Time, Tide, at Railroad Train, and to please the most fastidious. JT`1fTET+iERY That is Rich, Rare, Sparkling and Substantial, Suitable for Ionians, Friends and Countrymen, Lovers, Brides, Bridegrooms, Loving and Lovely 'Wives, Children, Hus- bands, Etc., Etc. SPECTACLES. --Scotch and Brazilian Pebble, soft easy and pleasant to the eye, and suitable for youth or age. Give him a call. No trouble to show Goods. Watches and Clocks Repaired and Brought to. Time. TT is the intention to have a Canadian repre- ,Lsentation at the Intercolonial Exhibition at Antwerp, commencing in May,1885, and also at the Colonial and Indian Exhibition in Lon- don in 1886. The Government will defray the cost of freight in convoying Canadian Exhibits to Antwerp, and from Antwerp to London, and also of returning them to Canada in the event of their not being sold. All exhibit's for Antwerp should be ready for shipment not later than the first week iu Ma rah next. These oxhibitio.xs, it is believed, will afford favorable opportunity for making known the natural canabilitiee, and manufacturing and industrial progress of the Dominion. Circulars and forms contelniug.more par ticularinformation may be obtained by letter (post free) addressed to the Department of: Agriculture, Ottawa. By order, JOHN LOWE, Secy., Dept. ofAgric Department of Agriculture, Ottawa, December 19, 1884. Lovely New Style all Chrome Cards, with name and a prize, for 10o. 12 packs. 'Thames, for 51. A sample pack and agent's outfit with illustrated catalogue of Tricks, and Noveieq, for 3c stamp and this blip. A. W. IiINNEY, Yarmouth. N. ESTABLISHED 1e72. SAMWELL AND PICKARD Desire to call the attention of their customers to, and ask their inspection of their large and Complete assortm't of Dry Goods. Etc., for the fall trade of 1884. Our stock is, we believe, well assorted and carefully selected. It consists in part of the following : All -Wool Dress Goods, Plain and Fancy Dress Goods, Black and Col'd Cashmere, Black and Col'd Silks, Ottoman Cord Silas. Stale Department. Skirtings, Denims, Cottonades, Table Linens, Table Napkins, Grey and White Cottons, Shirtings (plain and twilled), Cotton. Bags, "3LACE AND COL'D VELVETEENS and pricea.riety of shades Your inspection of these goods• and prices will convince you they are right, as they have been Iia orted for this season's trade. Our 1VMillii .ery Department is still under the care of our MISS McINTIIE, and the stock in this department will—if possible—be more attractive than' ever this season, embracing all the latest American. English and French styles. of Shapes, the latest shades in Silks, Satins, Ribbons, Flowers, Plumes, Tips, &c., &c. Iu OUR TWEED arid GENTS' FURNISHINGS we show choice. lines. of English, Scotch, Irish, French and Canadian Tweeds, English, Scotch, and French Suitings, English and French Trowserings. Hate, Caps, Scarfs, Ties Shiers, Braces, Hosiery, Etc. We have a good cutter on the premises, and guarantee a.fit in every ease. Our stook of Blankets is very extensive in. white. In Furs our stock is complete (g1 ey and brown) in Boas, Capes, Sets &c., &c,, also Robes in Buffalo and Wolf. Our Boot and Shoe department will be found fully as- sorted in Ladies', Gents' and Children's wear, also a full assortment of Trunks, Valises, and Satchels. • GROCERIES NEW AND FRESH. SA1tWELL & PICKARD. 1