HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Exeter Times, 1885-2-5, Page 61
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About Making Pani.
Thge are people in All .i we. , e
who > ttdciipctou to making fans artOn ail
subjents of pourers's:104k WI MAW
do not realize how ofte* those who are
afflicted br listening, to them. are en
She Doted on Realism.
"Oh, I do so >ailu.O S ttoo}t."•
aidci, a �Fa ., puputtinga1I t witl s
sat could sat eoupiaal,ed,
a work from the pen of a realistic nov.
alist "Everythin is so natural, Why,
the point of killing- theunster. The it speaks of the heroine stopping on
following, letter from a Pouug elan in the stairway and tying her shoo."
New Orleans explains itself; "Very thrilling," replied her hus-
Mrs. Guo. W.I'ncs-Sir: As ou are a band;
professional humorist, I would like to hear "Oh, no, dear, it is not thrilling.
your opinion of a pun. I hate to admit it, but it is so real. That's what I call
ut must. I are a punster. 1 fell into the fine art."
habit two "ars'ago, end sill"then I have ""It was no doubt necessary for the
not had a, unmient's peace: If [ attend a
sociable, I return home bearing with. tee Young lady to stop and tie her shoe,
the hate of every one who was preaeut. but I don't know that it was art. Any
Albs So and So, wilt tell the company about one of even alight digital education,
something
I make a aaiiin like sit blamed. there , can tie a shoe ."
rlat'B Ssveal. mere act of tying a shoe implies no art,
1', S. --As you will observe, I refrain from but the fact that that the novelist
inflicting any punishment upon you. should have spoken of anything so
'I• S` natural is art."
The young elan has done right in +Then, in your opinion, high art
asking advice as to how he Can cure must be easily attained. I am think-
hiznself of the terrible habit. He has ing of writing a piece of high art. I
made an advance in the way of a cure. feel the inspiration. Give lee pen and
remedy? ' Respectfully "Oh, you don't understand. The
as he has admitted that he is a "blam-
ed fool,"souaethin; his friends have, no
doubt; discovered long ago. Rettig in
the drug business. be can eaail • cure
himself. Whenever he Rads he has
givenexpression to a pun, he should
papers
Turning to a table he busied himself
with writing: and then, calling his
wife. said:
"Here's a chapter from my forth-
eomino. book: the calf stood in the
take a piece of asatoetida about as big, i lot, A horsefly buzzed among the
as a hickory nut and chew it. He wif leaves of a peach tree. A. gray -headed
not feel like making another pun as roan, with:~ gouty limp, blew his nose
He should carry some of the drug in calf switched his tail. A hawk flew
his vest pocket when he goes out itt over and a chicken squalled. The
company, and keep a piece in ilia calf held up his head and said bah. A
mouth constantly. it may be ofl:ee- dog jumped ever the fenee .and very
sive to the company. but it will not be cautiously approached the calf. The
half SQ oflenslve as his old back nuns- calf snorted and looked intently at the
ber, teeth -worn puns, and he will be- deg. The calf said bah, and the dog
come a favorite. If this course will tucked his tail and jumped over the
not cure him he had bettor go and (once, Now, my dear, is trot this real-
drown himself, There is no auoh a istieP"
thing as a new pun, As every word that '"11'B disgusting."
is susceptible of a pun baa bean putt- "It is perfectly natural. Take, for
nett upon for thousands of years. so
when you hear a person make a pun
you may be sure that it is a thousand
years old. If a man or woman. when
lxlakiug A pun on a word, realized that eh? I see that you don't bite realjsm."
long AS the taste Felnalns its las mouth. altd let down the back window, The
instance, the old man blowing his
nose. How life like it is, quite as
much as the picture of the young lady
who tied her shoes. I make you tired
the Egyptian mummy in the museum, ..-Arkaaraaul Traveler.anal laughed at it boisterously, he
when al ve, had made the same pan.
would be ashamed of his own attempt.
The sh language is good enough
if you. take it stright, anti it is foolish N O POISON OISON
to torture it, The man who makes
puns habitually is usually a weak man
IN THE PASTRY
who imagines he is smart, as pan can IF
see by watching him as he laughs at
his own smartness. As good a way as
any to squelch a punster is to listen to
his pun, look thoughtfully and nay.
"B. C." or "Credit it to Adana."
Young men who get in the habit of
making puns on all occasions lose their
positions, girls go back on them, and
they go through. lite alone, except in
rare instances. Agirl haus to face
the prospect of a lifetime of poor puna,
and they will think twice before mar-
rying, a punster, as he is liable to
praotioe his puns on his wife.
There ought to be an asylum for
punsters, whore they can go and
be cured, or kill each other with
puns.. There is nothing that throws
a damper on the enjoyment of a
party like the presence of a punster, 1
who puns and looks around for a smile
of appreciation, and not getting it
smiles himself. At a picnic they have
a habit of throwing a punster up in a
blanket, or passing the pickles to him
frequently, or sitting him on an ant's
nest, or making him climb a tree to put
up a swing, anything to heap him busy
go he will forget his terrible habit.
Punsters are tolerated because they
ere weak, but the looks of pity and con-
tempt they receive ought to show them
how foolish they are. There is noth-
ing original or funny in any pun that
has been sprung upon any party in the
past thousand years, and the sooner
punsters find it out the better. Some
papers make a specialty of puns, mis-
taking them for humor. If editors
could see the oontempt in which people
pass over the columns of puna it would
wake them up. There is some excuse
for a foolish fellow to make puns, be-
cause he has never been told that he is
weak, but for an editor to rack his brain
to build fool puus for the people to
read, is awful. A pun spoken soon
croes away with the atmosphere and is
lost, but a pun printed in a newspaper
is on record, a constant source of an-
noyance to the reader, and a sorrow to
the writer of it, after he once gets
sense and realizes how weak he was
when he was a punster. Young men
should strive to make themselves in-
teresting in conversation, but the pun
is the last thing they should practice,
as it makes people sick. A druggist
in western Wisconsin had a great habit
of making puns a few years ago, and
no customer was safe to go to the store
to buy anything. They all got a pun
with their medicine, and sometimes the
pun was worse than the drugs to take.
One night a man named Otto Padman
was stabbed in the breast, and was
taken into the drug store to be sewed
up.• While the doctor was at work on
the man the druggist came up and af-
ter looking at tie wound he said:
"Ybu Otto had a liver Padman." The
wounded and dying man heard it, and
it was too much. He could stand. the
stab with cold steel, but to be stabbed
with a pun was too much. and he haul-
ed back one foot and kicked the drug-
gist on the nose. The druggist has
never made a pun since, and we don't.
know but a kick in the nose is about as
good a cure as any.—Peck's Sun.
Experiments on an . extensive scale
have been made by the Dutch Govern-
ment to ascertain the relative strength
of iron and steel girders. The soft
steel girders proved to be 22 per cent.
and the hard steel girders 66 per cent.
stronger than the iron girders. It was
pretty well established that the strength
of steel girders is about the same for
the two flangos if•they are made alike
in section.
CATARRH— A NEW TREATMENT'
I'erbaps the most extraordinarysucces8 that
has bean achieved inmodern medicine Les
:wen attained by the Dixon treatment for Oa.
tarrh. Oat of 2,000 patients treated during the
last six• months, fully ninety per cent. have
been cured of this stubborn malady. Thin is
none the lens startling when itis remembered
that not five per cent. of patients presenting
themselves to the regular practitioner are be.
uefittod, wiile the natant moaloioes and other
advertised mires never record a -etre at all,
Starttng with the claim now generally belie
by the most scientific tnen"thatdisease is due
to the presence of living uaraaites in the tissue,
Mr. iso n at once adapted hia • cure to their
extermination—this a000mpliahed, he claims
the Catarrh is'praotieallycured, and the par
manency unquestioned, as cures effected by
him four years ago are cures still. No one
alae /ass attetuuted to cure Catarrh .b this
ananuer,endno other treatment ever cured
Catarrh. Thi application of the remedy is
simple, an.l can be done at home, and the
presentseason et the year is the moat favor. -
able fora speedy and permanent cure, the
majority of cases being cured at one treat-
ment Sufferers should corresnnnd with I
Mosars. A. n DIXON Qc SON, 305 Hing street
VeSt,TOrQnto, Canada, and euelose stamp for
their treatise on Catarrh. --Montreal Slew, Byer.
17.:88•.
LARDINE
MACHINE OIL.
T1ARMERS, THRESHERS. ANI)
1. =inlet* win save money, and save their
Mach,ttery by using Lardiue.
Vaatllet.Leasea, Orange, rte., flavor Cakes.
Creaaas,Paddlass,.1Ge.,114 deileatetyaad iiat-
tiredly aetie trot ureas width they are mods.
FOR STRENGTH AND TRITE FRUIT
FLAVOR THEY STAND ALONE.
PREPARED ■T TIQ
Prise diking Powder Co.,
Chicago, 111. fit. Louis, Ma.
•As5RE oP
Eat Price's Cream Baking Powder
AMD—
r. Price's Lupulin Yeast Gems,
Seat Drs Sop Yeast.
IrOR 13___ 233 (S• ' a.
WE NAPE BUT ONE QUALITY.
LIGHT HEALTHY BREAD
t4tVPIC
01/.04,
YEASTGEMS
The hest dry hop yeast in the world. Bead
raised by this yeast is light, white and whole-
some like our grandmother's delicious bread,
LA.I-IDINE
Hae been yictorionw at all the a4ipg exhib.
trona and iiidle
netrial fairs since 1878. oarryinaoff
first prises and medals in, every instance, It
has now no equal as a lubricator, ant will out.
wear lard, seal or orator oil, and warranted not
to clog or guutthet#neatmaobinery. X01; Will
save money by using Chia Oil. TeY it and you
will testify in its favor, Bowaro 01 imitations.
GROCERS SELL THEM.
PREPARED DY THE
Price Baking Powder Co.,
Nan'rrs of Br. Price's Special Flavoring Extracts,
Chicago. 11I. St. Louis. Mo.
for working people. Se, d 19 cents
postage, and we will mail you free,
a royal, valuable sample box of
gools that will put you in the way
of making more money in a few
days than you ever thought posal-
b,e at any business. Capital not
required. Sou can live at home and work spare
time only or all the time.' All of both sexes
of all ages grandly successful. 50 cents to 39
easily earned every evening.. That a 11 who
want work may test the business, we make tbis
unparalleled offer: 7'o all who are not well
satisfledwe will send 01 to pay for the t:.ouble
of writing us. bull particulars, directions, &c.
sent free. Immense pay absolutely sure for all
who eta)t at once. Don't delay. Address
STINsoN & C -,..POI tlaud,Maine.
.–MANUYACTUi1At ONLY
McColl. Bros. Co., Toronto.
^•yeti SAWS BY—
I3ISSETT BROS., Exeter ;
J. EMBER k SON, Credttou ;
McDONELL R SVAUGU, Benson
Clearing Sale,
Baclr c Old $taan.d.
(2 Doors north of Poet OUlce)
Butter and Eggs Wanted
in Exchange for Goods.
Trade Mark.
GOLDEN OREAM,
r.n ORBitdE D'QR�
Thebeat preparationknown to science forbeautifying the
COMPLEXION
OP SrNGLII., A.PPLIC&TION is warranted to
Beautify the !ace and give to the Fadedor Sallow Cord.,
plezion a Perfectly Healthy.' Natural • and •, Youthful
Appearance.. It Conceals wrinkles. Natural,'
Crow's
.Peery and the Evidence of Age, leaving the Skim Soft,
Smooth. and White.
PIMOE--50 conte, Sent to any address. Posher.
stamps taken. Address all letterato- #
CREME D' OR, Drawer 2,678, Toronto P.O. •
Ask your druggist for it. Wholesale by all whole.
sale druggists.
We have just reoeived alarge consignment
of goods direct from wholesale houses, which
we will sell at very close prices. plondld
value in Casbtneros, Velveteens, Grey, Soar.
let, Canton and Homemade Flannels. A nice
line of table napkins and covers. Splendid
Winoey, Grey and White Cotton—very cheap
,Also Tweeds and Ready-made Clothing. Let
groceries to be sold vercy cheap. In Bootie
& Shoes we have added some new lines, and
are preparod to sell the beat goods at close
prices.
JOStT MATHESN.
May 29th. Exeter.
SUS fan
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BLOOD
bITTERS
Cures Dizriness, -Loss of Appetite, Indigestion, Biliousness,
Dyspepsia, Jaundice, Affections of the .Liver and Kidneys,
Pimples, Blotches, Boils, Humors, Salt Rheum, Scrofula,
Zrysipetas, and all diseases arising front Impure .Blood,
Deranged Stomach, or irregular action of the Bowels.
Advertise in the Exeter TIMES.
TRE BANS of TIME
Wishes to announce to the inhabitants of
Exeter and vicinity. that he has opened out a
soot ad shoe strop
•
in the Horner Store North of Barnwell
it Pickard's, where he' is prepared to make
all kinds o; ordered work.
Sewed work a speciality.
Repairing promptly attended to.
GEO. MANSON,
Late Manager C. Eacrett's Boot and Shoe
Establishment.
May 14th 84.
International and Colonial Exhibitions.
ANTWERP IN 1885—LONDON IN 1886.
Main Street, Exeter.
TIZOS ]rzToN
Keeps Watches That Are Watches,
And are warranted correctfor Time, Tide, at Railroad
Train, and to please the most fastidious.
JT`1fTET+iERY
That is Rich, Rare, Sparkling and Substantial, Suitable
for Ionians, Friends and Countrymen, Lovers, Brides,
Bridegrooms, Loving and Lovely 'Wives, Children, Hus-
bands, Etc., Etc.
SPECTACLES. --Scotch and Brazilian Pebble, soft easy
and pleasant to the eye, and suitable for youth or age.
Give him a call. No trouble to show Goods.
Watches and Clocks Repaired and Brought to.
Time.
TT is the intention to have a Canadian repre-
,Lsentation at the Intercolonial Exhibition at
Antwerp, commencing in May,1885, and also
at the Colonial and Indian Exhibition in Lon-
don in 1886.
The Government will defray the cost of
freight in convoying Canadian Exhibits to
Antwerp, and from Antwerp to London, and
also of returning them to Canada in the
event of their not being sold.
All exhibit's for Antwerp should be ready for
shipment not later than the first week iu Ma rah
next.
These oxhibitio.xs, it is believed, will afford
favorable opportunity for making known the
natural canabilitiee, and manufacturing and
industrial progress of the Dominion.
Circulars and forms contelniug.more par
ticularinformation may be obtained by letter
(post free) addressed to the Department of:
Agriculture, Ottawa.
By order,
JOHN LOWE,
Secy., Dept. ofAgric
Department of Agriculture,
Ottawa, December 19, 1884.
Lovely New Style all Chrome Cards,
with name and a prize, for 10o. 12 packs.
'Thames, for 51. A sample pack and
agent's outfit with illustrated catalogue
of Tricks, and Noveieq, for 3c stamp and
this blip. A. W. IiINNEY, Yarmouth. N.
ESTABLISHED 1e72.
SAMWELL AND PICKARD
Desire to call the attention of their customers to, and ask
their inspection of their large and
Complete assortm't of Dry Goods.
Etc., for the fall trade of 1884. Our stock is, we believe,
well assorted and carefully selected. It consists in part of
the following :
All -Wool Dress Goods,
Plain and Fancy Dress Goods,
Black and Col'd Cashmere,
Black and Col'd Silks,
Ottoman Cord Silas.
Stale Department.
Skirtings, Denims, Cottonades, Table Linens,
Table Napkins, Grey and White Cottons,
Shirtings (plain and twilled), Cotton. Bags,
"3LACE AND COL'D VELVETEENS and pricea.riety of shades
Your inspection of these goods• and prices will convince
you they are right, as they have been Iia orted for this season's
trade.
Our 1VMillii .ery Department is still under the care
of our MISS McINTIIE, and the stock in this department
will—if possible—be more attractive than' ever this season,
embracing all the latest American. English and French styles.
of Shapes, the latest shades in Silks, Satins, Ribbons, Flowers,
Plumes, Tips, &c., &c.
Iu OUR TWEED arid GENTS' FURNISHINGS we show
choice. lines. of English, Scotch, Irish, French and Canadian
Tweeds, English, Scotch, and French Suitings, English and
French Trowserings.
Hate, Caps, Scarfs, Ties Shiers, Braces, Hosiery, Etc. We have a good cutter on the
premises, and guarantee a.fit in every ease. Our stook of Blankets is very extensive in.
white. In Furs our stock is complete (g1 ey and brown) in Boas, Capes, Sets &c., &c,,
also Robes in Buffalo and Wolf. Our Boot and Shoe department will be found fully as-
sorted in Ladies', Gents' and Children's wear, also a full assortment of Trunks, Valises,
and Satchels. •
GROCERIES NEW AND FRESH.
SA1tWELL & PICKARD.
1