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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Exeter Times, 1884-7-31, Page 3any 1 4 • The New Musical Critic. Thenew tnusical critic of the Cranbe ry Clarion was a. greet.eard 2iob8dyix gazed upon his gossamer limbs, spectacled orbs, or the 911 -line cress which divided his ler acintikine looks in to equal sections on either side his bol ing brow, could doubt this for au in Stant, The managing editor, nn earth. creature, however, had his doubts shot the ethereal young malt; but as the inti sieal critic had come well reeon mend- ed, the managingeditor stilled h doubts and showed the young roan b The first job the young man w given eves to do the opera on the ops._ ing night, He sallied forth in stunning evening dress, with a full score and his arm and his heart bulging with melodious anticipations. Returning, and having finished critique, he took it to the inana,g n editor, who bade him sit down and read the stuffaloud. The y ounce nnan's soul was terribly shocked that `alis splendid composition should be called ""stuff': However, he began with as good grace as he could under the circumstances, as follows: "The tuneful sweetness of the ems. tro's chef trmvre was never interpreted with more engtiging esprit de corps than by the artists in this melodious ag g�rree�^atton, The chromatic tints were laid on with a prodigality of fervor that A • Half Told itory.. i r: " Captain." gar.. he, :t+ ee found the ho old. wearies-leeeten tor sunning himself '. f nertaker Lis ' on the ferry dock, •" you have probably e heard,abuut Shylock-apd the pound of e• , , T�jOIJL•D SAY TO flesh," "Weir yes," ttiose wet tnterd g ' ' - nurobas.ngto at ao Irma n- ' *r Can ; uu renlewtattr the parttime the 1aanntaaturer. The ?ars?" dealer who Gaya to sell i ""MoAb of sem, I guess. , 1'1' t;tke agt`1° i>lust net oasa,itt y ,t iters a in;aSt. we a)ai e shoe A brand}' with }'vu. to givetho p.¢zoha.es8 the. He hadn't been asked to drink, but I bcFctlt, w1uo1s oannotfail after tke two hail wiped art their chins to anger tba views os iha p f3raaKezii: Ons e>;peltaas is th e�al'I'i:ii sift down, got RR elt'.vation areloa$thirear,, greet, is for his feet, and bean; wl>anitrartnrereeoaeeggept "'"Phis old coon of a Shyloek lived woa:►it s�•titaheag-e as ever fu Europe somewhere, and it via .gimb1oni of � the Different Societies n- llut`itis tulle $g B. I've heard that he d once kept a pawn -shop in Buffalo, but I et I never tried to wet him d wu very fuze t:. d ; S. GIDI.EY, and I" -t i.rnitur'. 1 j nufia cturei WOULD TVIcall !peel saatttentio to oar 'uuder* kiag+aorta t gient.whtchIa'=e7;e sons: pletetilaaerer.nii we}t►ve Addedseverainetr test nc. of hetet The heat corn i caskets sbrond,s,snd every tuneral roquisite_.at the ioneetpricer Our `ne'a• Hesree is nrenonncecibI ooin1..teet judges. to be second to lore la the. provinces Nice mart on (fie Average, they Ray, �*� might have been ti little cranny ire went- l0 l E 1 1 o interest on loans, rbut I reckon he paid mown ,AND his way at a pienie as free=ly a the next. fes, I wouldn't mind a glass of Funerals furnished a..,. Itis log a good indorser on a note and steep beet~ with you." set ie�tesa et Me very 1Ata. Nothing had been said about beer, ri;�r:�swekafiradertakitt; but it wee' called for, an4 arcked away too sts is�rge, corn fete i out of sight, and the: captain eontiwtedt u°eg4;x u$&' "rid merchantAntonio was no great in thiiline ,sill ondtt t:c shakes of a feller. He was ill; the retail theiradvantagato peen,,, ay eQe and eiteruitaP tta tiusine.�il, and be hadn't C>vfOt'GI';.i3 tliereseIlseE, enough to advertise in the papers, Probably kept a euc.hortts grocery and. notion store, and pet in neo -t, of Y.ys time on the. cracker barrel. Some folks nublimatedthcappoggituraandapotbeo-try to make ent that be wee thein,weet sized the eontraptlnetal toile -waves---" rooster on that fence, hat tam won't ""Bold upi" exclaimed the inttnagin' bear thecal out. Thank ,}you. So Am T. editor; *"whntdo 3ou mean by all that? "Meant" ejatfuiatedthe musical critic; "how do you suppose I know? I've done work for the great dsille$, and no- body ever asked me what I meant* Shall I go on?" The managing editor nodded, and the young loan proceeded: "And apotheosized) the contrapunetal tone -waves with dynniuie expulsion. Signora Sereechowl, the primest prima - donna, was in bcr Gest voice, improved as it was bye, slightly catarrhal sending which eradicated tole incl' o tour- tours which tickle olily the ears of the aiaateur lever of the warblilig effuse. Her embonpoint was grandly eileetive, and no worth can hope to depict the ea- tttciy'sinie effect of her deice far nieato in the bray'ure passage in her seven- teenth bar'." "I don't catch on worth a cent," end- ly murmured thousausgingeditor; "butas you hese worked un the great t1tt;lies I suppose it's all right." • The rimier gran said "Yee," and went cu: "Signor Macaroni, they tonere a sso- luta, attacked with consummate aplomb. adraueed in column by division, closed in inasQ, and carried the works of the great maestro by an adroit movement IIt echelon." ' ""i'4 as there a battle -scene in the opera?" innocently inquired thereatnag. mg editor. "'Battle scene!" exclaimed the young man contemptuously. "No, sir; no battle other than the forecfui conflict of Iyrie'.tl acoustics." "Alii" said the managing editor, "I understand. Proceed." "93at the climax of mellifluous grand- eur was attained when Mlle. Lotoni, tho teltracontralto, entered the fiats. The coltish freshness of her tuneful tongue was something astoundiug in its vitas. - divan of eete. The chiaroscuro of her andante -adagio was complemented per - featly by the middle di.tanee of her adagio -andante, and the two achieve- ments together coruscated through the house with all the grace and witchery of the gemini of agronomical familnr- ity." "I guess that will do," said the man Aging editor. "I don't rare to hear any more to night, I'm not feeling very well, and a few- more line might set me into a brain fever. Your critique is a splendid one, the best I ever heard —for the kind. I shall put it all in." And he put it into the waste basket forthwith.—Boston Transcript. The Soft Sax. Mrs. Jinglebaek felt a little ill, and her husband told her to go lie down and that he would wash the dinner dishes. She lay down on the lounge and in a few minutes was enjoying a soothing sleep. In an hour or so she felt better and then arose and proceeded to the dining room. Mr. Jinglebtick was sitting with his feet on the table, and was fat asleep. Tho dinner dishes were just as she had left them, and she set about wash- ing them as noiselessly as possible, in order that he might not be disturbed. Just as she had finished the last plata Mr.::Jiegleback eweke with a yearn. .. "Now I must begin Washing thea° dishes!" he remarked aloud'. ' "Poor wifey is sick!" She came in wearied, yet smiling, and told, him they were all finished. He kissed her, and then told her that if she'd polish his boots he'd go down eellal and "split a whole cord -of wood for :ler." s ;, He went down cellar and played with the dog until the Apts were polished and then came up, perspiring, kissed her and went out. !: - . Truly, woman is the soft aax.--T5i Judge. _ A Sad Oase, Mrs. Parvenu had recently, furnished her new house, and it was .gorgeously done. Everything was in style, and the carpets were woven in one piece to fit each room. Mrs. ' Parvenu has a daughter, and of her she was talking •tp a visitor. "Ah, Mrs.: Parvenu,." 'said the lady, "your' daughter doesn't go otit =felt. INTO, nota great deity. It tires the poor dear so mudia.'t. "Indeed! Isn't estse well?" "Ple' "yes,; welli enough; but, 'you • see, itt so Inany of the houses where she:.must call she has to walk over the seams in the carpets,. sand it hurts. the :pool dear's feet and 111 take a lemonade. The other hesitated, buthinally order- ed it, and again the story went on: "T1114 +inrttopie had borrowed various smell auxin of mo.,cy of Ohl Rio'. and It had been st tight tclltea"+ic to make him StAILa !enema c>4vss. pay ult. There wasn't azuan lu tdtasA ....-.._-- __., Whet +r'ultlti give ten eents on flee dollar . — •-- -- ior hie notes, esti Iiia auiuittu ern the iStrktott,tivoo.lL:ani,SLlp.$4lceltitgd isiinavine ... ... - ... ... N N Bay u.ru Sal Inn . treat en def fiatruce wasdl't it'Grttf 9l'tt(I S, Setrthetutwnd we1S U4,1114..344 4 a"ondgri,$Fa3titon. 91'oro i o • qq i,b,..1.7.mastates,;,eltattdforei u mails ... ., n `� Di tatrsal, ..taitrt ile w;znted tet eular;e bis ,grocery, or13 ..... ,, .•. ... ... ... .- ,? 'f} a.rt.9.ftl w. is start A miteep-rancho, or take a hand in &nob. eaetsnd wen ... ... some ?Meh enter,�ar Cal calling for cash, fi®rtb Rnei erase inrladingSmileriCh. �Ytogbara. giucra ' d h.'$`"' p.m [seg. tzt Itane and al......nswnortii g } 1'atitit A,d.Tor4at4, aIcutrcai,nad t-:Q,te,R, Btstes .. r1 (t .. c.cce.ru WA e. re ergo stock net and Rosewood Gaskets• also roghns of ovary 4wrip Hon. A complete steel. of Iiolreg and Trimmings alway oallend. The latest styles of Chamber end ps;lor Suits AU kinds Of Ennxitnre at the lowest raw.. TUR; LtEST ttIAitSP IN T'Cat f�'t}L7` irefneirliaerthe pis:c�.Neirlyeppostte i:etup'tsTobseca. Store, efela.street, Exeter. and he gee* to Sh +lock to raise then greeuaael:a,. ThenkToe. "For what?" "For the mint julep. 1'11 have ruin . flavored with strawberry." Korth ... ". • 1_ isms P.>w, .ca p. ra k e:ep n.esee p. rte. "See here, Captain, I can't afford — ' thio. I want to he cou:teows :lid lib 1! eral, but this is rather strong." OTINF:itt3 "Y9RRa wan, rho C.'cintaltt. a.. 1Liued ,tip.idornandfron;atayMoaMAYurilerQtrteeit;theD�ntuinionofCstaasle,Oreetiiriri = r • n t . , � Ire RR radio. ;tiro r. . ,. . "the story of Stn. -leek. as 1 tell It; tya� ,. (attic, eight tiritil,'t anti t•nde with a lo POST Ot'FICF.1iAt?IbAStiatltili. cent Cigar! 1)o y"•"t want the r+ it?' ItepositawiIIber/iceitedtotl,uaullleofroln$1toitsO0. els tulltoreobtainingthe'oitmttstir. "Gr`eatScottI 'v""!'' General'especie Inen:ohsi0?1VZI tiepakitaittiW. Depoaiu4nti(1ingeRanh account received fame "'Phew be n litll�r. Huse careful its A,1sl.latp.iq. future how you absorb . iy velust.l. 1 °ince hours Itimi7.Wit. nt.to7i/.tu, time. ti at9}aroriest 1 t it iuk9 ttthree nd e.bottle I.ettereireendeilfor rr,1etinti.cube• 4bepasted Z mfnutesbcfc,rethe closing of each mall. Gid to take hnriie, Duu't eutno to nth colli is=-itla partieu;ary requebted thatttt., freedom of matter will kindly add the names of tb anti try to get an eight-drluk story for tutlmetottleaddree',ct. three driukg forIon will "'et left ovary Il:JpnNE. Postulator. be avow lint e,f up with .;resit dl;nitt. , f ataletar.d.,.nrWAU ... ¢stria iffy tnetrahxwgntatl4ri United Skats#A time. "—Litlruit 'f t: i i e .1. Railroad Inventions. 1 The .digenj Sled Ylxleswhat inventors of railroad improvements often eom- plain of, and, that is that railway gill clals do not seem to want anything new. iifo matter how good an invention may be no railway man wantss to see the in- vention or the inventor, nor does he even care to talk about it The inventor may ropose to haul a train of ears from Hew York to Washington,' not only without expense, but to make money by Ailing water from the water tanks to people along the line, so as to make running the trains a double soCree of economy, yet the railway man cousigus the inventor to the firebox of eternity, and proposes to see him well on his way in that direction. The poor inventor feels that he does not deserve any such treatment, complains, and wonders why it is such hard work to deal with rail- way men. If he does succeed in mak- ing aking a really valuable invention, why is it that he must put it on to trains him- 'self, imself, watch it at every step of the way, and do this all at his own expense? That it is so, every inventor and every railroad man knows perfectly,well. It would seem as 7f enough wheat might be found among the chaff to warrant railroad officials spending a lit - tee •time exafnining inventions brought before:theni. • They .wouldpens,encour: age th aln'ciitor to furthers eeiearch and experiment en the railroad line, from whichsomething good to the commu- nity and railroad companies might eventually come, if some of the inven- tionaspbiuitted•were found leaking in practicability. o • Ile Secret of the Pyramids, There is, in Mr, Proctor's opinion, no other explanation of the great pyramid which even comes near to giving a cam- mon sense interpretation of the combin- ed ombined astronomical and sepulchral character of the edifice. If it is certain, on the one hand, that the building was built astro- nomically, and wits meantfor astronomi- .cal observation, iti is equally certain that it Was intended for a tomb; that it, was closed in very' soon after the deat.h. of the king for whom it was built.so that its astronomical aim and value " niust have related to him alone. As an antro - logical structure, designed to afford faciitties fon a gigantic horoscope .for Cheops, and, forhiin olfly,.the author` of these essays calf understand its pur- port, marvelous as is the vast expendi- ture of care, industry and treasure her - 1840 upon its creation.. Granted fell faith'in'astrology-andl.iwe know there was Such faith 1n ancient Egypt• ;and Chaidea—it 'may well haveseeoged worth its cost` to build even such.an edi- fice as the great pyramid, just keegriaut- ed the ideas of the Egyptians About i?itr ial, we can understand. 'the,.erection.of; such a mighty mass :fertile ppurposeof entombment—can Underat:andl,: indeed, everything about it . except its special astronomical character.: ITCiTINfi F'FF,I:S—SyMPT(flt$ II CURB The symptoms are tni•ieture, like perapir- ation, iutenseitshing increased by 801..4.1111n •• very dietrereinl.;, particular at night; etyma as alibi -warms were crawling itt alai about the rectum, the private parte are sometimes af- fected. If allowed to continuo very serious re. t.ults:Mayfellow, ""SWAYtiF;i AIX LWW:NT" is a pleaeaut, 8:lr,4 cur,.. Alio fur Tetter, Rh, Ralk•Rheum, Scald -dead, Erysipelas, Barbera' Itch, L'Intehea, all scaly -crust Skin Diseases,. Box. by mail, ,tO Ma.; 3 for $1,25x. Address, Dei. SWA.Y:III tt SON, !'hila., Pa, Sold by Druggists. ADVICE TO ltroT111.;nL4. Ars you disturbed at night and broken of your rest by acid; child suffering and crying with pain of cutting teeth? If ao, amulet twee and get ria bottle of MRS 'WINSLOW'S SOOTUING SYRUP.' Its value is incalculable. It will re. neve Otho poor little sufferer immediately. De- pend upon Ituxothera, cpenduponitmothera, there lane mittakeabout it. 11 aures dysentery and diarrhoea, regulates the stomach and bowels.. cures land colic softens the gums, reduces iiilamnlation. and given toneauieiiargy to the whole systexn. Mae. Wrassow's SooTmm2a SYRUP Fen CHILD. REN TEETHING la pleasant to the tarts, and is the prrsOription of one of the eldest and beat female nurses and physicians in the United Status, and is for sale by all druggists through- out the world. Price Dat cents a bottle. ARNICA and OIL LINIMENT CURES ALL Pains and Aches, AND IS THE MOST PERFECT Tau KBDIGU1:in the WIALD SOLD BY ALL DEALERS. PRICE, 25 AND 50 OPTS PER BOTTLE: TENTS etUNN k CO., of the SC,ENTIrIc A.1ERICAN - eon. ague to act as Solicitors for Patents, Caveats lrrade Marks, Copyrights, for tho United States,. Canada. England, France, Germany, eta. BandBook about Patents sent tree. Thirty-seven years' experience. Patents obtained through MUNN & CO. are noticed ;tithe SclEijrsrie AMERICAN the largest best, and onset widely elrehlated•aclentiao paper. 0.2o a year. •Weekly: Splendid engravings and latereating ln. ,tormatton: $peoimen.copy of the Scientific Amer.: 'lean cont free.. Address MUITN & CO. ° Scx1n lalg £tisntCAN O®eo; 261 Broadway. New York. . THE otiLi VEGETABLE CURE: FOR. .Loss, of Appetite, ncigostion, Sour Stomach habitual Costiveness, Sick Headache -and Biliousness. Pike, .23. per bottle. Sold by all Druggists. " knit .1.+ I r l .. c• ,. • ...a -;i t ti . +,• r .t '4 1 f+-...-1'tte.i est iA ••,. • -' r ,t..1 Ir. t n.1 /.nr-.;,ti� rags, 1 •', •1 I:a t i a• a :hat... >t OA* 44044% t r t ,a o .t. tet rewrite hew perk. «.,.,. Health & Happiness for all. WILL CURE OR RELIEVE Biliousness, Headache, Dys- pepsia, Indigestion, Dizziness, Jaundice, Dropsy, Flutterint of the Heart, And every species of disease arising from Impure Blood, &c. &c. r:5RPAxRw 111 THR Climax Chemical Company MONTREAL. RE N SALL. PORK PACKINGHOUSE tiaving commenced b usines t for the Fall and Winder Trade "eVe areprepared t o purchase anyquantity of Pork,subjoct to th of ollowing regulptionel We will take off tido; poundsper hundred if dry, andthreepouncllf soft. ,Shoulder tegg twenty-five cents: If any of the'1 or, t tits are left in, 25 Gentsextra will bed.€ducted. No'pro'. wiFiba boo ht al anyp rich ft. .141.1 r m We.cant all Hogs ducting right!throngh breast to !tea i, and Hams opened ont to tail G & J. PETTY . tt D LEPS y •' CURES --: �HoLEl�, CHOLERA iNFANTUM D 1W Fe PH 7--7, ASID ALLSUMMER COMPLAINTS SOLO BY ALL DERLERS. t t Yoar JORW 4 S "• SARSAPARILLA iV COMTLATA RATA And for Font/ log the siood, It has been in use for 2elyeara, and bass, proved to be tho hest preparation in the markets for Sita:lt; HEADACHE. PANT IN TILE SIDE OR IdACK�,, LIVER V051 - SLY" T. PIMPLES ti& TIIIZ irAC , 1Yst<1*ISLt, 11Lt��, and on Diseases t:atarise ft «snag' son]etw4Lt;eroran Impure blood. 0to. andtt et Our best re I.io t•.i..' a..3 g ve if, to their OW - snit prtserram it d»IIy; :trier bu µet ,6 coca ,ro, melee lL 10 cher;. ltisrald'".e f 'm T, 'k.w 7i++C.'-.. Honda* Faisalt,uY,..x.liait".e.-ay.Stlltingla ardulte-t, kasssfrdt� V.'I5Vnaraen,,Anti: v.ber yrra.LOUea tat.ab.0 io.a And Mee. .Ii .'i.'g 1-e/feeble. ar.d riga. i t .:tttrmixtdelaate,c- .^.serge. t tnt cue ot tho be It;ni..:av;aea4a use for F.ezauat n4T t`.e.Bu Bursts. is as •e Ira.; rrs;.ca•it'e AMR/04.4 et ate Qa:°•r f„ a ( .. :1 pen.i:. v. *04 164341 tertie 4 1+1 -e .ani ,4..,t• r.nwlt:•1}.t+ • +'rM . M... y�, A EA W., Wants -tits; artryeeo et FREEMAN'S WORM POWDERb., Attu pleasant to take. Contain their men Purgative. Is a safe, sure, and rlfeet'xal �/krj oi+ et wurnl,r In Children or Adult& AYER'S Cherry Pectoral. No other eomplaints are so insidious intheir at- . tack as those affecting the throat and lungs: none so trifled with by the majority of sufferers. The ordinary cough or cold, resulting perhaps from a wining or unconscious exposure, is often but the beginning of n fatal sickness. Avrm's CaERaw 1'ut ronAL has well proven its efficacy in aforty years' fight with throat and lung disease's, and should be taken in all cases without delay. • A Terrible Cough Cured. " In 1651 I took a severe cold, which affected nay lungs. 1 bad a terrible cough, and passed night after night is1tbout sleep. The doctors gave nne wean I tried Avxu's CREnnr PECTORAL, which relieved my lungs, inducedeleep, and afforded me the rest nocessary for the recovery of mystreugth. By the continued use of the PECTORAL, a perma- nent cure was effected. I am now tis years old, hale and hearty, and ant 'satisfied your CREIMY PECTORALaaved mo. BOVA.oaYA1ranomEx." Rockingham, Vt., July 15, 1882. Croup.—A. Mother's Tribute. "fit^.tele in the obuntry last winter my little boy, three. years.old, was taken ill with croup; it seemed as if he would - die from strangulation. One of the family suggested the use of AYrn's CHERRY PEcroaA L, n •bottle . of .watch• was al- ways kept In.the house. Thts wastribdin small and freeineat doses, and to our delight iii less than half an hourtlie•little patitint was•breathing eas- ily:• The doctor said. that the CREttalr PECTORAL. had saved my darling's• life. Can you wonder at our gratitude? Sincerely yours, • Ants. ItiL1tA GEDmE1 .' 159 Rest 128th St., New York, May 16, 1.t•2. "I have see&AYER'B CaERYLY PECTORAL in my • family for several years; .anis do not hesitate to pronounce it the most effectual remedy for etmghs and.eolss we have ever tried• A. J. CRAM•;. ' Lake Crystal, Afinn., March 13,1882. "'suffered for eight years from Bronchitis, and alter trying many remedies with no success, I was cured by the apo of 4 yen's CHERR,Y PECTORAL. BARS;, Miss., April 5,1882JO.5E- P. 11 WALDEN." "I ' cannot say enough in praise of Arait's CHERRY PECTORAL, balloting he 1 do that but 'for ung tits useroubles. T should long since have died from lx. BRAODoos " Palestine, Texas, April 22, 1882-. No, ease of an :affection of the throat or lungs exists which cannot bo greatlyirelieved by the use of AYER's•Oamusy PECTORAL, audit will always cure when the disease is not already beyond the control of medicine. PREPAREDHY ' Dr. J., C. Ayer -6L Co.,.Lowell,'"Mass Sold by all 'Druggists. :•