HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Exeter Times, 1884-7-31, Page 3any
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4
• The New Musical Critic.
Thenew tnusical critic of the Cranbe
ry Clarion was a. greet.eard 2iob8dyix
gazed upon his gossamer limbs,
spectacled orbs, or the 911 -line cress
which divided his ler acintikine looks in
to equal sections on either side his bol
ing brow, could doubt this for au in
Stant,
The managing editor, nn earth.
creature, however, had his doubts shot
the ethereal young malt; but as the inti
sieal critic had come well reeon mend-
ed, the managingeditor stilled h
doubts and showed the young roan b
The first job the young man w
given eves to do the opera on the ops._
ing night, He sallied forth in stunning
evening dress, with a full score and
his arm and his heart bulging with
melodious anticipations.
Returning, and having finished
critique, he took it to the inana,g n
editor, who bade him sit down and read
the stuffaloud. The y ounce nnan's soul
was terribly shocked that `alis splendid
composition should be called ""stuff':
However, he began with as good grace
as he could under the circumstances, as
follows:
"The tuneful sweetness of the ems.
tro's chef trmvre was never interpreted
with more engtiging esprit de corps
than by the artists in this melodious ag
g�rree�^atton, The chromatic tints were
laid on with a prodigality of fervor that
A •
Half Told itory.. i
r: " Captain." gar.. he, :t+ ee found the
ho old. wearies-leeeten tor sunning himself '. f nertaker
Lis ' on the ferry dock, •" you have probably
e heard,abuut Shylock-apd the pound of e•
, ,
T�jOIJL•D SAY TO
flesh," "Weir yes," ttiose wet tnterd
g ' ' - nurobas.ngto at ao Irma
n- ' *r Can ; uu renlewtattr the parttime the 1aanntaaturer. The
?ars?"
dealer who Gaya to sell
i ""MoAb of sem, I guess. , 1'1' t;tke agt`1° i>lust net oasa,itt
y ,t iters a in;aSt. we a)ai e
shoe A brand}' with }'vu. to givetho p.¢zoha.es8 the.
He hadn't been asked to drink, but I bcFctlt, w1uo1s oannotfail
after tke two hail wiped art their chins to anger tba views os iha
p f3raaKezii: Ons e>;peltaas
is th e�al'I'i:ii sift down, got RR elt'.vation areloa$thirear,, greet,
is for his feet, and bean; wl>anitrartnrereeoaeeggept
"'"Phis old coon of a Shyloek lived woa:►it s�•titaheag-e
as ever fu Europe somewhere, and it via .gimb1oni of � the Different Societies n- llut`itis tulle $g B. I've heard that he d
once kept a pawn -shop in Buffalo, but I
et I never tried to wet him d wu very fuze
t:. d ; S. GIDI.EY,
and I" -t i.rnitur'.
1 j nufia cturei
WOULD
TVIcall !peel saatttentio
to oar 'uuder* kiag+aorta t
gient.whtchIa'=e7;e sons:
pletetilaaerer.nii we}t►ve
Addedseverainetr test nc.
of hetet The heat corn i
caskets sbrond,s,snd every
tuneral roquisite_.at the
ioneetpricer Our `ne'a•
Hesree is nrenonncecibI
ooin1..teet judges. to be
second to lore la the.
provinces
Nice mart on (fie Average, they Ray, �*�
might have been ti little cranny ire went- l0 l E 1 1 o
interest on loans, rbut I reckon he paid mown ,AND
his way at a pienie as free=ly a the
next. fes, I wouldn't mind a glass of Funerals furnished a..,.
Itis log a good indorser on a note and steep
beet~ with you." set ie�tesa et Me very 1Ata.
Nothing had been said about beer, ri;�r:�swekafiradertakitt;
but it wee' called for, an4 arcked away too sts is�rge, corn fete
i out of sight, and the: captain eontiwtedt u°eg4;x u$&'
"rid merchantAntonio was no great in thiiline ,sill ondtt t:c
shakes of a feller. He was ill; the retail theiradvantagato peen,,,
ay eQe and eiteruitaP tta
tiusine.�il, and be hadn't C>vfOt'GI';.i3 tliereseIlseE,
enough to advertise in the papers,
Probably kept a euc.hortts grocery and.
notion store, and pet in neo -t, of Y.ys
time on the. cracker barrel. Some folks
nublimatedthcappoggituraandapotbeo-try to make ent that be wee thein,weet
sized the eontraptlnetal toile -waves---" rooster on that fence, hat tam won't
""Bold upi" exclaimed the inttnagin' bear thecal out. Thank ,}you. So Am T.
editor; *"whntdo 3ou mean by all that?
"Meant" ejatfuiatedthe musical critic;
"how do you suppose I know? I've
done work for the great dsille$, and no-
body ever asked me what I meant*
Shall I go on?"
The managing editor nodded, and
the young loan proceeded:
"And apotheosized) the contrapunetal
tone -waves with dynniuie expulsion.
Signora Sereechowl, the primest prima -
donna, was in bcr Gest voice, improved
as it was bye, slightly catarrhal sending
which eradicated tole incl' o tour-
tours which tickle olily the ears of the
aiaateur lever of the warblilig effuse.
Her embonpoint was grandly eileetive,
and no worth can hope to depict the ea-
tttciy'sinie effect of her deice far nieato
in the bray'ure passage in her seven-
teenth bar'."
"I don't catch on worth a cent," end-
ly murmured thousausgingeditor; "butas you hese worked un the great t1tt;lies
I suppose it's all right."
• The rimier gran said "Yee," and
went cu:
"Signor Macaroni, they tonere a sso-
luta, attacked with consummate aplomb.
adraueed in column by division, closed
in inasQ, and carried the works of the
great maestro by an adroit movement
IIt echelon." '
""i'4 as there a battle -scene in the
opera?" innocently inquired thereatnag.
mg editor.
"'Battle scene!" exclaimed the young
man contemptuously. "No, sir; no
battle other than the forecfui conflict of
Iyrie'.tl acoustics."
"Alii" said the managing editor, "I
understand. Proceed."
"93at the climax of mellifluous grand-
eur was attained when Mlle. Lotoni, tho
teltracontralto, entered the fiats. The
coltish freshness of her tuneful tongue
was something astoundiug in its vitas. -
divan of eete. The chiaroscuro of her
andante -adagio was complemented per -
featly by the middle di.tanee of her
adagio -andante, and the two achieve-
ments together coruscated through the
house with all the grace and witchery
of the gemini of agronomical familnr-
ity."
"I guess that will do," said the man
Aging editor. "I don't rare to hear
any more to night, I'm not feeling
very well, and a few- more line might
set me into a brain fever. Your critique
is a splendid one, the best I ever heard
—for the kind. I shall put it all in."
And he put it into the waste basket
forthwith.—Boston Transcript.
The Soft Sax.
Mrs. Jinglebaek felt a little ill, and
her husband told her to go lie down and
that he would wash the dinner dishes.
She lay down on the lounge and in a
few minutes was enjoying a soothing
sleep.
In an hour or so she felt better and
then arose and proceeded to the dining
room.
Mr. Jinglebtick was sitting with his
feet on the table, and was fat asleep.
Tho dinner dishes were just as she
had left them, and she set about wash-
ing them as noiselessly as possible, in
order that he might not be disturbed.
Just as she had finished the last plata
Mr.::Jiegleback eweke with a yearn. ..
"Now I must begin Washing thea°
dishes!" he remarked aloud'. ' "Poor
wifey is sick!"
She came in wearied, yet smiling,
and told, him they were all finished.
He kissed her, and then told her that
if she'd polish his boots he'd go down
eellal and "split a whole cord -of wood
for :ler." s ;,
He went down cellar and played with
the dog until the Apts were polished
and then came up, perspiring, kissed
her and went out. !: -
. Truly, woman is the soft aax.--T5i
Judge. _
A Sad Oase,
Mrs. Parvenu had recently, furnished
her new house, and it was .gorgeously
done. Everything was in style, and
the carpets were woven in one piece to
fit each room. Mrs. ' Parvenu has a
daughter, and of her she was talking •tp
a visitor. "Ah, Mrs.: Parvenu,." 'said
the lady, "your' daughter doesn't go
otit =felt. INTO, nota great deity. It
tires the poor dear so mudia.'t. "Indeed!
Isn't estse well?" "Ple' "yes,; welli
enough; but, 'you • see, itt so Inany of
the houses where she:.must call she has
to walk over the seams in the carpets,.
sand it hurts. the :pool dear's feet and
111 take a lemonade.
The other hesitated, buthinally order-
ed it, and again the story went on:
"T1114 +inrttopie had borrowed various
smell auxin of mo.,cy of Ohl Rio'. and
It had been st tight tclltea"+ic to make him StAILa !enema c>4vss.
pay ult. There wasn't azuan lu tdtasA ....-.._-- __.,
Whet +r'ultlti give ten eents on flee dollar . — •-- --
ior hie notes, esti Iiia auiuittu ern the iStrktott,tivoo.lL:ani,SLlp.$4lceltitgd isiinavine ... ... - ... ... N
N Bay u.ru Sal Inn .
treat en def fiatruce wasdl't it'Grttf 9l'tt(I S, Setrthetutwnd we1S U4,1114..344 4 a"ondgri,$Fa3titon. 91'oro i o •
qq i,b,..1.7.mastates,;,eltattdforei u mails ... ., n `� Di tatrsal, ..taitrt
ile w;znted tet eular;e bis ,grocery, or13 .....
,, .•. ... ... ... .- ,? 'f} a.rt.9.ftl w. is
start A miteep-rancho, or take a hand in &nob. eaetsnd wen ... ...
some ?Meh enter,�ar Cal calling for cash, fi®rtb Rnei erase inrladingSmileriCh. �Ytogbara. giucra ' d h.'$`"' p.m [seg. tzt
Itane and al......nswnortii
g } 1'atitit A,d.Tor4at4, aIcutrcai,nad t-:Q,te,R, Btstes .. r1
(t .. c.cce.ru WA e. re
ergo stock net
and
Rosewood Gaskets• also
roghns of ovary 4wrip
Hon. A complete steel.
of Iiolreg and Trimmings
alway oallend.
The latest styles of
Chamber end ps;lor Suits
AU kinds Of Ennxitnre at
the lowest raw..
TUR; LtEST ttIAitSP IN T'Cat f�'t}L7`
irefneirliaerthe pis:c�.Neirlyeppostte i:etup'tsTobseca. Store, efela.street, Exeter.
and he gee* to Sh +lock to raise then
greeuaael:a,. ThenkToe.
"For what?"
"For the mint julep. 1'11 have ruin
. flavored with strawberry."
Korth ... ". • 1_
isms P.>w, .ca p. ra
k e:ep n.esee p. rte.
"See here, Captain, I can't afford — '
thio. I want to he cou:teows :lid lib 1!
eral, but this is rather strong." OTINF:itt3
"Y9RRa
wan, rho C.'cintaltt. a.. 1Liued ,tip.idornandfron;atayMoaMAYurilerQtrteeit;theD�ntuinionofCstaasle,Oreetiiriri = r
• n t . , � Ire RR radio. ;tiro r. . ,. .
"the story of Stn. -leek. as 1 tell It; tya� ,.
(attic, eight tiritil,'t anti t•nde with a lo POST Ot'FICF.1iAt?IbAStiatltili.
cent Cigar! 1)o y"•"t want the r+
it?' ItepositawiIIber/iceitedtotl,uaullleofroln$1toitsO0. els tulltoreobtainingthe'oitmttstir.
"Gr`eatScottI 'v""!'' General'especie Inen:ohsi0?1VZI tiepakitaittiW. Depoaiu4nti(1ingeRanh account received fame
"'Phew be n litll�r. Huse careful its A,1sl.latp.iq.
future how you absorb . iy velust.l. 1 °ince hours Itimi7.Wit. nt.to7i/.tu,
time.
ti at9}aroriest 1 t it iuk9 ttthree
nd e.bottle I.ettereireendeilfor rr,1etinti.cube• 4bepasted Z mfnutesbcfc,rethe closing of each mall.
Gid to take hnriie, Duu't eutno to nth colli is=-itla partieu;ary requebted thatttt., freedom of matter will kindly add the names of tb
anti try to get an eight-drluk story for tutlmetottleaddree',ct.
three driukg forIon will "'et left ovary Il:JpnNE. Postulator.
be avow lint e,f up with .;resit dl;nitt. , f ataletar.d.,.nrWAU ... ¢stria iffy tnetrahxwgntatl4ri United Skats#A
time. "—Litlruit 'f t: i i e .1.
Railroad Inventions.
1
The .digenj Sled Ylxleswhat inventors
of railroad improvements often eom-
plain of, and, that is that railway gill
clals do not seem to want anything new.
iifo matter how good an invention may
be no railway man wantss to see the in-
vention or the inventor, nor does he even
care to talk about it The inventor may
ropose to haul a train of ears from
Hew York to Washington,' not only
without expense, but to make money by
Ailing water from the water tanks to
people along the line, so as to make
running the trains a double soCree of
economy, yet the railway man cousigus
the inventor to the firebox of eternity,
and proposes to see him well on his way
in that direction. The poor inventor
feels that he does not deserve any such
treatment, complains, and wonders why
it is such hard work to deal with rail-
way men. If he does succeed in mak-
ing
aking a really valuable invention, why is
it that he must put it on to trains him-
'self,
imself, watch it at every step of the way,
and do this all at his own expense?
That it is so, every inventor and every
railroad man knows perfectly,well.
It would seem as 7f enough wheat
might be found among the chaff to
warrant railroad officials spending a lit -
tee •time exafnining inventions brought
before:theni. • They .wouldpens,encour:
age th aln'ciitor to furthers eeiearch and
experiment en the railroad line, from
whichsomething good to the commu-
nity and railroad companies might
eventually come, if some of the inven-
tionaspbiuitted•were found leaking in
practicability.
o •
Ile Secret of the Pyramids,
There is, in Mr, Proctor's opinion, no
other explanation of the great pyramid
which even comes near to giving a cam-
mon sense interpretation of the combin-
ed
ombined astronomical and sepulchral character
of the edifice. If it is certain, on the one
hand, that the building was built astro-
nomically, and wits meantfor astronomi-
.cal observation, iti is equally certain
that it Was intended for a tomb; that it,
was closed in very' soon after the deat.h.
of the king for whom it was built.so that
its astronomical aim and value " niust
have related to him alone. As an antro -
logical structure, designed to afford
faciitties fon a gigantic horoscope .for
Cheops, and, forhiin olfly,.the author`
of these essays calf understand its pur-
port, marvelous as is the vast expendi-
ture of care, industry and treasure her -
1840 upon its creation.. Granted fell
faith'in'astrology-andl.iwe know there
was Such faith 1n ancient Egypt• ;and
Chaidea—it 'may well haveseeoged
worth its cost` to build even such.an edi-
fice as the great pyramid, just keegriaut-
ed the ideas of the Egyptians About i?itr
ial, we can understand. 'the,.erection.of;
such a mighty mass :fertile ppurposeof
entombment—can Underat:andl,: indeed,
everything about it . except its special
astronomical character.:
ITCiTINfi F'FF,I:S—SyMPT(flt$ II CURB
The symptoms are tni•ieture, like perapir-
ation, iutenseitshing increased by 801..4.1111n ••
very dietrereinl.;, particular at night; etyma as
alibi -warms were crawling itt alai about the
rectum, the private parte are sometimes af-
fected. If allowed to continuo very serious re.
t.ults:Mayfellow, ""SWAYtiF;i AIX LWW:NT"
is a pleaeaut, 8:lr,4 cur,.. Alio fur Tetter,
Rh, Ralk•Rheum, Scald -dead, Erysipelas,
Barbera' Itch, L'Intehea, all scaly -crust Skin
Diseases,. Box. by mail, ,tO Ma.; 3 for $1,25x.
Address, Dei. SWA.Y:III tt SON, !'hila., Pa,
Sold by Druggists.
ADVICE TO ltroT111.;nL4.
Ars you disturbed at night and broken of your
rest by acid; child suffering and crying with
pain of cutting teeth? If ao, amulet twee and
get ria bottle of MRS 'WINSLOW'S SOOTUING
SYRUP.' Its value is incalculable. It will re.
neve Otho poor little sufferer immediately. De-
pend upon Ituxothera,
cpenduponitmothera, there lane mittakeabout
it. 11 aures dysentery and diarrhoea, regulates
the stomach and bowels.. cures land colic
softens the gums, reduces iiilamnlation. and
given toneauieiiargy to the whole systexn.
Mae. Wrassow's SooTmm2a SYRUP Fen CHILD.
REN TEETHING la pleasant to the tarts, and is
the prrsOription of one of the eldest and beat
female nurses and physicians in the United
Status, and is for sale by all druggists through-
out the world. Price Dat cents a bottle.
ARNICA and OIL
LINIMENT
CURES ALL
Pains and Aches,
AND IS THE MOST PERFECT
Tau KBDIGU1:in the WIALD
SOLD BY ALL DEALERS.
PRICE, 25 AND 50 OPTS PER BOTTLE:
TENTS
etUNN k CO., of the SC,ENTIrIc A.1ERICAN - eon.
ague to act as Solicitors for Patents, Caveats lrrade
Marks, Copyrights, for tho United States,. Canada.
England, France, Germany, eta. BandBook about
Patents sent tree. Thirty-seven years' experience.
Patents obtained through MUNN & CO. are noticed
;tithe SclEijrsrie AMERICAN the largest best, and
onset widely elrehlated•aclentiao paper. 0.2o a year.
•Weekly: Splendid engravings and latereating ln.
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. THE otiLi
VEGETABLE
CURE:
FOR.
.Loss, of Appetite,
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habitual Costiveness,
Sick Headache -and Biliousness.
Pike, .23. per bottle. Sold by all Druggists.
"
knit
.1.+ I r l .. c• ,. • ...a -;i t ti
. +,• r .t '4 1 f+-...-1'tte.i est iA
••,. • -' r ,t..1 Ir. t n.1 /.nr-.;,ti� rags,
1 •', •1 I:a t i a• a :hat... >t OA* 44044%
t r t ,a o .t. tet rewrite hew perk.
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Health & Happiness for all.
WILL CURE OR RELIEVE
Biliousness, Headache, Dys-
pepsia, Indigestion, Dizziness,
Jaundice, Dropsy, Flutterint
of the Heart,
And every species of disease arising from
Impure Blood, &c. &c.
r:5RPAxRw 111 THR
Climax Chemical Company
MONTREAL.
RE N SALL.
PORK PACKINGHOUSE
tiaving commenced b usines t for the
Fall and Winder Trade
"eVe areprepared t o purchase anyquantity of
Pork,subjoct to th of ollowing regulptionel
We will take off tido; poundsper hundred if
dry, andthreepouncllf soft. ,Shoulder tegg
twenty-five cents: If any of the'1 or, t tits
are left in, 25 Gentsextra will bed.€ducted.
No'pro'. wiFiba boo ht al anyp rich
ft. .141.1 r m
We.cant all Hogs ducting right!throngh
breast to !tea i, and Hams opened ont to tail
G & J. PETTY .
tt
D
LEPS
y
•' CURES --:
�HoLEl�,
CHOLERA iNFANTUM
D 1W Fe PH 7--7,
ASID
ALLSUMMER COMPLAINTS
SOLO BY ALL DERLERS.
t t Yoar
JORW 4 S "•
SARSAPARILLA
iV
COMTLATA RATA
And for Font/ log the siood,
It has been in use for 2elyeara, and bass,
proved to be tho hest preparation in the
markets for Sita:lt; HEADACHE. PANT IN
TILE SIDE OR IdACK�,, LIVER V051 -
SLY" T. PIMPLES ti& TIIIZ irAC ,
1Yst<1*ISLt, 11Lt��, and on Diseases
t:atarise ft «snag' son]etw4Lt;eroran
Impure blood. 0to. andtt et Our best
re I.io t•.i..' a..3 g ve if, to their OW -
snit prtserram it d»IIy;
:trier bu µet ,6 coca ,ro, melee lL 10
cher;.
ltisrald'".e f 'm T, 'k.w 7i++C.'-.. Honda*
Faisalt,uY,..x.liait".e.-ay.Stlltingla
ardulte-t, kasssfrdt� V.'I5Vnaraen,,Anti:
v.ber yrra.LOUea tat.ab.0 io.a And
Mee. .Ii .'i.'g 1-e/feeble. ar.d riga.
i t .:tttrmixtdelaate,c- .^.serge.
t tnt cue ot tho be It;ni..:av;aea4a use for
F.ezauat n4T t`.e.Bu Bursts.
is as •e Ira.; rrs;.ca•it'e AMR/04.4 et
ate Qa:°•r f„ a ( .. :1 pen.i:. v. *04 164341
tertie 4
1+1 -e .ani ,4..,t• r.nwlt:•1}.t+
• +'rM . M... y�, A EA
W., Wants -tits;
artryeeo et
FREEMAN'S
WORM POWDERb.,
Attu pleasant to take. Contain their men
Purgative. Is a safe, sure, and rlfeet'xal
�/krj oi+ et wurnl,r In Children or Adult&
AYER'S
Cherry Pectoral.
No other eomplaints are so insidious intheir at- .
tack as those affecting the throat and lungs: none
so trifled with by the majority of sufferers. The
ordinary cough or cold, resulting perhaps from a
wining or unconscious exposure, is often but the
beginning of n fatal sickness. Avrm's CaERaw
1'ut ronAL has well proven its efficacy in aforty
years' fight with throat and lung disease's, and
should be taken in all cases without delay.
• A Terrible Cough Cured.
" In 1651 I took a severe cold, which affected nay
lungs. 1 bad a terrible cough, and passed night
after night is1tbout sleep. The doctors gave nne
wean I tried Avxu's CREnnr PECTORAL, which
relieved my lungs, inducedeleep, and afforded me
the rest nocessary for the recovery of mystreugth.
By the continued use of the PECTORAL, a perma-
nent cure was effected. I am now tis years old,
hale and hearty, and ant 'satisfied your CREIMY
PECTORALaaved mo. BOVA.oaYA1ranomEx."
Rockingham, Vt., July 15, 1882.
Croup.—A. Mother's Tribute.
"fit^.tele in the obuntry last winter my little
boy, three. years.old, was taken ill with croup; it
seemed as if he would - die from strangulation.
One of the family suggested the use of AYrn's
CHERRY PEcroaA L, n •bottle . of .watch• was al-
ways kept In.the house. Thts wastribdin small
and freeineat doses, and to our delight iii less than
half an hourtlie•little patitint was•breathing eas-
ily:• The doctor said. that the CREttalr PECTORAL.
had saved my darling's• life. Can you wonder at
our gratitude? Sincerely yours,
• Ants. ItiL1tA GEDmE1 .'
159 Rest 128th St., New York, May 16, 1.t•2.
"I have see&AYER'B CaERYLY PECTORAL in my
• family for several years; .anis do not hesitate to
pronounce it the most effectual remedy for etmghs
and.eolss we have ever tried• A. J. CRAM•;. '
Lake Crystal, Afinn., March 13,1882.
"'suffered for eight years from Bronchitis, and
alter trying many remedies with no success, I was
cured by the apo of 4 yen's CHERR,Y PECTORAL.
BARS;, Miss., April 5,1882JO.5E-
P. 11
WALDEN."
"I ' cannot say enough in praise of Arait's
CHERRY PECTORAL, balloting he 1 do that but
'for
ung tits useroubles. T should long since have died from
lx. BRAODoos "
Palestine, Texas, April 22, 1882-.
No, ease of an :affection of the throat or lungs
exists which cannot bo greatlyirelieved by the use
of AYER's•Oamusy PECTORAL, audit will always
cure when the disease is not already beyond the
control of medicine.
PREPAREDHY '
Dr. J., C. Ayer -6L Co.,.Lowell,'"Mass
Sold by all 'Druggists. :•