HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Exeter Times, 1879-9-18, Page 7a•
N. l''1.'i:Dilll?.it 1'3, 1'79
HOW OSIAN'TEAM A NEWS
PAPER
S- °lathes is no disgrace, but tp wean a
"Week eye" is.
Teach them that n true lady may be
found iu calico quite as frequent aein
velvet.
Teach thein that onegood, honest
trade, well -mastered, is word] a dozen
beggarly "professions,"
e 'Poach them that,, no they expect to
ionieb'ady nay:, that one who wil
'watch] a svcnuau real a 'newsnaper wit
get Bomb ideas ou the characterlstios o
'tile goutier sax. Sue takes it up iter
'gladly, and be Sala tt, scan never rapid-
ly, as tlluugll site was limiting so►n
j)artIC111ar thtug., but she is not. Sh
Se Merely taaking. iu the obscure para
graphei; which, she half bulievee, Were
put id oat-ul-the-way places for the
sale purpose of keeping her from seeing
theta As site liutllias dash ogle, her
seoutatouancs brighteus with the com-
fut,able refieotiuu that she has outwit-
ted.the editor and tthe whole rates of
anon, for she (thesis lies a rare belief
*that uewupttpers are tllo'euetuiea of ]ler
sex, and editors itis chief oppresses'.
She never reads the headlhtes, and the
huge telegraph heads. site never even
'sees. She is traeealy foe local news,
and devours it with the keenest relish.
Marriages dud, deaths are always iuter-
estiug news to her, and advertiselueuts
etre exciting and stimulatiug. She
tares but little for priutod jukes, unless
they reflect ridicule upon the ;nen, and
-thea she delisllt,s in then;, and never
forgete tilOIn. Hite pays particular at -
*withal to anything iuolosed iii quota-
1iou marks, s, alai considers it rather
Metter authority than anything first
handled. The whims is which the
editor airs his opiuiaus, ie leaded
lutiu, a;•.e rarely reads. Views are of
aro importance iu; her estimatiou, but
facts ore er'erythiug. S'.le geuerally
rea•1, the poetry. She duesti% alwi.ys
cute fur it, became she th:uks she ought
to. She reads stories and sketches in-
diseriuii.nttely, and believes every word
of thel:,i. Finally, after she has read
all she intends Lu, slie lays the .paper
down with an air of disappointment,
gaud a nalieontetuptuous gesture, which
says very plainly that she thiuks
a ltnewspapori miserable failures, but
is certain that if she had a chance she
'e.uid snake thi only perfect newspaper
the world had ever seou.
f
AN HONEST SALE.
A day or two ago a motherly -looking
woman of 45 entered a Woodward
avenue clothing store having a man's
linen duster onnes arm, and when ap-
proached hs 0salesman she said :
•'Soine oue in here Bold this duster
to my sou yesterday."
"los, ma'am, I sold it myself," re-
plied the clerk as he looked at the gar-
i11Jllt.
'•Did you tell my son that this this.
ter could be woru either at a pienic,
funeral, bridal i;Farty or a quartely
meetirig ?"
"1 did madam, and s0 it can."
"Said you tell him it made a .good:
fly blanket when not otherwise weed-
ed ?"
•`I did."
"'Teat it could be used fuer +a tbattit-sai1l
stretcher, at 'etraw4bed 'and a bed-
spread ?"
9"Yes 19a0.11111.
"And many people use them as table
'covers s?"
"I liid ''
"And that they would last for years
:and then•rnake excellent stuff for a rag
'carpet 2"
I did:"
4."And you only charge a dollar 2"
"Only a dollar, ma'am."
"Well, when John came home last
nigbt and brought the duster and told
'ohs all you said I made up my mind
that he mast have been drunk, and I
was leetle afraid he stole the garment.
I am glad it's all right."
"It certainly is all right, ma'am, and
since be was here yesterday we have
discovered that the duster le a great
conductor of 'sound, a preventative of
su:lstrolce, and that no man' with one
on his back ever dropped dead of heart
disease."
Laud save us," she gasped as she
waited for the bundle ,• "but who knows
that they won't fix 'fore long that they'll
raise a mortgage oft the farm ?",
Detroit Free Press.,
be men some day, they cannot to
soon learn to protect the weak and help
less.
Teach them that a common school
education, with common sense, is bet
ter than a college education without
it.
Teach them that God is no respecter
of sex, and that when he gave the
seventh commandment, lie meant it for
thein as well as. for their,eistei*s.
A. LAUGHABLE INCIDENT.
Two hands on the Cunard steamer
Sootia were eugttged the other day in
rojliug off a oa<lc, when to the conster-
nation and surprise of the persous so
occupied, and a number of bystanders,
a voice was heard w•ittiiu the cask :--
"•1tol1 it easy, will you, these plr.guy
nails hurt. I'd rather pay my passage
than staud all this."
fielding up their hands, their visuals
extended to the size of two saucers, the
laborers exclavued :—
"That beats the dickens !"
The mate comiug up at this moment
and unaware of the cause of the delay,
commenced cursing diem for their dila -
toriouaness, when from within the cask
the voice came forth:—
"You're nobody ; let ire out of this
cask."
"What's that ?" asked the mate.
"Why it's me," said the voice- ".I.
waist to' get out ; I won't staud it any
longer."
Just then Capt, Franklin appeared ou
the scene, cad he iu turn enquired the
cause of delay.
"Stop your talking and let ' me out
of here," came trona the oasts.
Visions of a smuggled passenger,
customhouse officers, and the law's
iuterfereuce and delay flitted through
the Captain's brain ; and taking in tlso
situation at one Vapid glance, ordered
the mei. to up -end the cask,
"0, don't ; you'll kill me," said the
voice. "0, how these nails prick.
Look out, don't ; 0, don't," again said
the cased -up individual, as the meu
were turning the Cask.
"Cooper," said she Captain, "un -
head the 'oas'k and take that man
out."
As the adee sundered the hoops, and
the head was comiug out, the voice
again'broke'forth •:--
"Be •easy, now.; is there anyone
:aboat •? •I don't want to bo caught."
Quite an interestiug crowd had now
gathered around the scene of action,
and the entire crew were leaning over
the railing, watching and waiting the
culmination ofevents. The cask had
beeuj"below" two weeks. It was horrible
to think of a human beiug thus cased
0
up so long a time.
Suddenly a loud, guttural laugh
broke forth, which made our hair stand
on end. The head had been raised,
and the cask was filled with—bacon,
"This is getting interesting," said I
to my friend. "Come professor, let us
go now,"
And so we strolled along the docks
together- 1Iy friend referred to was
Zara, the Iiiug of Veutriloquists ; and
whenever I meet the Captain, we
laugh together about the sad case of
the cased -up passenger.—{LV. Y. Era, -
"PRACTICAL Sv1ENCE."
Under the above heading the St.,
Croke .Courier, of St. Stephen, N. B., in
referring to the analysis of Dr, Pierce's
Medical Discovery and Sage's Catarrh
Remedy, recently made by Prof. Chan-
dler, el New York, and others; says :
"Nothing was discovered which' we
think objectionable, and the published
analysis should increaser rather than
retard, their sale. To mea it sgetns a
little unjust to call ' a man a quads, sim-
ply. because he seeks to reap as much
pecuniary reward as other biasses of
nvontors." The g.bglish Press is con-
ervatree, sot after a: careful ' oxatnina-
ion of all the evidonlie, it n,otouly en-
orses btit recommends the 1+'amily
1lfeclicines Manufactured by Dr. Pierce.
No remedies even offered the afflicted
ive such satisfaction its Dr. Piercers.
a
•t
d
TEACH YOUR BOYS,
Teach them that "Honesty" hs the g
host policy." J Golden Nedlcal Discovery and lir:
•Teach tha,l2 that to ,wear patched. Sage's Catarrh Remedy.
k�.
'3 TIME'S
rurni' ure and.
S. Ir'AIItl3AIItN has on band at I•Ieimall as large.
a)ad ae liendsonie a stock of ',FURNITURE as eau in
found in auy establishment in Huron, all of winch he
IS PREPARED TO sea CHEAP !
UNDERTAKING IN ALL ITS BRANCHES
Having procured a llandsou a hearse, he is prepared
to atttend to UNDEIt'.1'AIEINCi,
On the Most Reasdnzt,Gl a Tenors,
n eonneetihl with the Undertaking Business, he uses the Anti•Floptie Fluid, which preserves
he body and destroys all offensive odors, said prevents eoutagiun arising from dead bodies, A call
respectfully solicited.
s. r4inzuunzr.
TEIE
EXETER TIMES
Cheap
f JOB NOM IR
All k nds or printing done neatly cheaply and with dispatch.
Order you work where yon can bet it done the cheapest.
Colored Work a Specialty
The,TIMtS (FFIC +' has excellent i'arhlitiet for ttii'uing dist
J,A1
BILL HEAD 8,
- CIRC1 TLLARSl;
7
1t. IIUTCkUINSON, 14Iem'l1t;r of '
Ontario Ghe 4 College
a �iMee next dor and Surgeons
rfings
ilfain Street, Exeter,
ii..tI3'NDIIIAN.--0010i,Kli ]+UJB
the Comity of Harkin.' Oftleo,heixt door tb
lfr.t:Carlin g's'storo, deter.
T w. BEUWNI ^IG $I 'D., 'C 111.
.tl . P. 0, Graduate VictoriaTliiitersity- Office
and, residence, Doh. 'oioze11Oratwy, Exeter,
0.1VI00R`F, C. 1til . rD.
� • Gratluato,oftlfoGfl1TJhiverQIty, Ifontresl
Ofuceand, residence, Exeter, Oift. OJ1ue l ours—
ato 10 a. ni dud 7to 10i,.
DR. J, A. R@iLL1NS, M. 0. P. S.
0,, Vtetbria St. CPbditon, Ofit. ' )filoo hours
.ban 9.%010a.m.;.2to5p.111,
CLU'1'2, AI. D.,
, U3lioe at his residence, Exeter.
UF. IRVa1NG, GXXAD•UATL U.tiI-
V1 1tSXTY Trinity College AlamLer Col lege
Puvsioians and rurgOour Ong.., office I{irk ton.
••moi;EGAL
�{ o Ii..0 .DDt,
B .R;RISTER 6 n T LOR0.TEy
)ti's Law, Solicitor, Se. Office, Parson's 2310: k
Exeter.
1 ADDING I .•ARDING, a4t WHITE,
Boristers, Attorneys, Solicitors, Cors:.
sioners,B. R„'
ilerree=IIUTTor's Byocs, Water tteet, St
5In ry's.
Thar l: ,H aRDl;t 0,E . W. 1,n.linxr6,'H.A.h.�ti'III'!
j Wonde ►fu1 Discovery.
• xr
MPR_SS RELIEF
THEFRIENDOF'UNKIND.
aF
� 7 Internal & Externall
REMEDY,
.A BALM FOR EVERY WOUND.
It etude Rheumatism and Neuralgia andL.
kills al )cin iuetautly,—'-Deny it who can."1
It is the out) known remedy for Mien/in/tient
uu theAmerieanContinent, proved byothers."
As soon as applied it gives. instant ease to the
1'7i/fortunate sufferer, It is rapidly absorbed,
penetrates to the verybone, enters the oircula
noatraaliziug all "Rhematio Poison" cit.•j
euiatiugintheblood, and expelsirfrom they
�.e z
ystem through the natural outlets, •
IT CURES
Tooth'iohe, Earache, Headache, . I' euralia
1theuxuatism, Sprains, Swelliugs,Iuflatuatiuu,
e13urns. Cuts, Bruises, Pain in Side, 'Pain iu
Back, Pain in Choso,Pain in shoulder, Coughs
ICold s,FrOst Bites, Chilblains, Diarrhoea, itl)ys-
ontery, Suxfnner Complaint, kc., de.
Ittill cure the most agonizing pain, inter
nal or external,in one instant oftlme. Pocket
your prejudice and give ive a trial : the iuvent-
ment'is small atilt relief cm�aiu. The groat
secret.Of'its success with all classes is owing
totnb'fallt it is safe and harxnless, pleasant
to take, gives instant ease, and can be applied
to a wider range of disease iu every day life.'
with greater success than env preparation
width research skill and "Meilical Science",
has Yet riodueed.
As a proof of Its great power over disease
any porsola, no matter who it may be, Itich,
or Poar, OM dM Yetriig, who is sufi?eringfrom
any of the aboveuamed painful complaints,
will call a'tthe Ace in Toronto, aur day of
the week, will get practical proof'"Free of
char e.' of its 7zatifeaI power over pain in one
application.
TostinVinielsfrom allparts of the Dominion
are e lista' ttly coming to hand, giving expree-
.ion to the most grateful gratitude for us-
tonishing cures which ft has performed, and
we would be oleasetl to receive testimonials
from all niters who 'ase it successfully.
Physicians of MI; highest respeotabilitre-
commend
it as a most effectual "domestic
remedy"For the relief of rash in cases of sud-
den emergency
Carry it fa your ]snafus, and..it willipros-u a
passing to yourfamii'v and affiictedfriends.
Druggists are selling.ehorm0 s euantit[r os of
it witoreads hi Eradiate.
I cl'a1lange ilio Nos d tO producoits equal.
'The Trade supplied through the Nvill'0lesnle
Drug and Patent Medicine ,Houses of Montre-
al, Toronto, Hamilton and London.
Price 28 Cents pet tattle !
Sold by all Eiittiiprisiiiig Drtiggiate. t
Sept.19., i t.
HARVEST TOOLS r
hepers, Mowers,
CHEAP AT
BISSETT 8RO ,'
EN.ETEB .CtEI`,'k ALL,.