HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Exeter Times, 1879-7-17, Page 2THE TIMES
TOO COOP
A very goal ar•f pious looping young
Irma nprllied fee to position in a welly
kllnwn store 1361 R eek, After he had
introduce)) himself and' made known
hie wept's, the proprietor informed hint
that be would like to have a clerk, if Ile
ceeld get one that would suit hien.
snppese you go to church, ell ?"
be commenced.
" Yes, sir,"
". Do you ti rink ?" continued the mer,
chant, eyeing him sharply.
" Never !"
" Do you nee tobeceo in any form ?"
Here the young luau pasted the grid
into the roof of his mouth, and replied
With a smile that Was childlike and
Llard "I never use the weed,' and
never did. 1 consider it the lowest and
mast shocking habit that a man can be
addicted to."
" Do you frequent the policy slops ?"
" No, sir ; never !'1
n Do you go to the National Theatre,
.dog fights or boxing exhibitions ?"
"Never wags til any in my life," Was
,the emphatic reply.
" (Lau you tell the ace of diamonds
from the king of clubs ?"
" I know nothing whatever of cards?"
"Do you ever bet ?"
" NO sir, I don't t"
" Suppose." said the merchant, " a
nan should offer to bet $1,000 to $10
that a three-legged goat could outrun a
greyhound, would you take hint?"
"No, Sir !"
" Then you won't do for this estab-
lishment; we don't :sant yon—we nev-
er hire fools !"
That youth won't be so glad next
time.—Ilortr rti Times.
HUMOR 013 S.
A novel thing.—a readable rowance.
A. real estate conveyance. --A. mud
tort.
Never look a gift apple in the worm
hole.
&usage stutters are rather crowding
things.
Small hops are oar young to row
b ette in races.
The more you like a mean the better
yon know him.
A facetious correspondent olills a frog
the Dutch nightingale.
The elimete of England is favorable
for brewers, they have so much muddy
weather there,
It is vets dangerous to make up your
judgment c ncerning a young lady's
weight by tneasurieg her size.
A short time ago a Danbury man bad
$40 stolen front him. The thief wag
sub' egnenty struck with remorse and
sent haul $20, with a note to the effect
that as soon as he received moreromorse
he would send hack the rest.
" Do, for gracious sake, waiter, take
these nut -crackers over to that man,"
exclaimed a nervous old lady. sitting
opposite a party who was cracking nuts
with his teeth, " No, I think you," he
said, politely returning them, " mine
,are not false teeth."
" Amanda, 1 wish you to pat the
large Bible iu a erouminent place on the
centre tsble, and place three or four
hymn hooks carelessly around on the
sofa. I have advertised for a young
pan to board in a cheerful Christian
Paillily, and I tell you what, if you girls'
alnn't manage either one of you to repo
him in, why I'll never try anything
.again, tor I'M tired out,"
An old gentleman without tact, on
meeting some ladies whom ha had
Known as girls in bis boyhoud, cordially
remarked ; " }' sss lee ! How time
;dies 1 Let me see, It is fifty-two year
Colne next April sit lee we used to go to
school together in the old red school
house. I w.as h# little ehap then, you "
remember, Land, you were f.ne young 1
women. The old man could never
legal, retand why his cordial greetiug was
received so eoldxy.
A
"Cl -ROWING" MYSTERY.
Y.
People passing tip High street at
noon, :night have seen a very stout
citizen bending over a mound of fresh
earth in his ytard, hands under his coat
tails and his eyes directed upon A small`
green sprig which had Fiat pilahed its
head above the earth, The stout man
shook his head and seemed puzzled,
and he called across the street to a
neighbor Who was trimming it rose
bush :
Say, ,Tones, come right over here
this minute 1 1't1 be hanged if aome-
thing hasn't Started to grow i3) buy
garden 1'
Jogee ergssed over, The two bent
over the sprig will bated breaths, sur-
veying it front all sides, and the owner
of the yar l .whisi era(I ;
"
What if it should, turn out to he
T.rifoliutn repeal ?'
Can't be. Looks to tie more like
Cullum emulenturit,t replied the other.
It's just barely possible, however, that
't MU prove to he Triticunl ltibernurn.
it
me oat! il'Tr, Smith,'
Smith, who was griming from the
{t't'cery Sial a roll of butter, was halt.
ti. ate. 4ItV104 00 Nprzlli from o
different points of the compass, tasted
of the .soil, shook Lis head, anti Itually
said
It's my opinion tlxat it is a specimen
of the Celastrus soandens but I may
y
be mistaken. It may bo uothingbut
Thymus veil"glut s,'
Oh, it can't De,' replied the owner
of the 1place; I'111 almost sure it is the
Il proxvs oreota. 1t is pretty hard to
foal me on plants,'
The three great hien were touting at
the spring anew, and Brown was about
to observe that it alight, after all, turn
oat to be Aralia raoemosa, when an old
pian with a spade on his shoulderleau•
ed over the fence and called out :
4 I'll bring soli a burdock as big as
that for ten cents, and set it out to
hoot !'
The throe men melted away like gum
drops at a pic-nic, and the old man rub'
bed his spade against the pickets and
growls i
4'Van cents apiece ischeap enough
for healthy burdocks, au' if they don't
want 'eel they needn't have 'em.'
. . ao,.. ,.----
BOUND TO HAVE HER,
The old man Bendieo keeps a pretty
sharp eye 00 his daughter Mary, and
manly a nonld-be lover has taken a walk
after a few miintes' conversation with
the hard-hearted parent. The old chap
is struck t!is time, however, and cards
are out for the wedding. After the
lucky young man had been sparking
Mary for: six months, the old gentle
mall walked in as usual, requested a
private confab, and led off with :
'You seem like a nice young man,and
perhaps you are in love with Mary?'
'les, I am ,' was the honest reply.
Haven't said anything to her yet, have
von?'
-
'Well, no ; but I think she recipro-
cates my affection'',
'Does' eh ? Well, let toe tell you
something. Her mother died a ltlua •
tic anal there's no doubt 111 try has iu-
hertted her insanity.'
'I'm ayillin * to take the chances,' re•
plied the luver.
Yes ; but you see Mary lois a terrible
tempter. She has twice drawn a knife
on me with intent to commit murder.
I'tu used to that—got a sister just
like liar,' was the answer.
'And you know I've sworn a solemn
oath uut to give one cent of ani' property
to Mary,' contiuued the father.
Well, I,d rather startnpoor and build
up. There is more romance ie it.'
The old lnao had one more shot in
his carabiue, and said :
'Perhaps I ought to tell you that
Mary's mother ran away from homt
a butcher, and that all her relations died
in the poor house. These things Might
be thrown up in af.er years and I am
uow warning you.'
'Mr. Bonitigo, I've heard all this be-
fore,' replied the lover 'dud also that
you were nn trial for forgery, and had
to jump chlcago for bigamy, and serv-
ed a .year in the State Prison for
cattle stealing. I am going to mar-
ry into your family to. give it a decent
reputation. There —no thanks—good
Dye ?'
Mr. Bendigo kinked after the young
man with his mouth wide open, and
when he coulee get his jaws together he
said
`Sore hyena has gone and given lee
away on my dodge.'
FRENCH H iWOMEN AND ENGLISH
WW11EN.
AIr. Labouehers takes his turn in eon-.
ti'astine. French women w'ith their Eng-
lish sisters. He says :--
44 The former are, as a rule, more
:pleasant than women of other nations.
'Rials is because they were born with a
natural disposition to please any one
with whom they aro brought in contact,
and this natural disposition has been
carefully cultivated. Now an English
woman is entirely without this gift. In
general society she shows too mnelr her
likes and dislikes. To tele good or bad
opinion of persousiudifferent to her she
is t'erself utterly iridiffelent. This site
dribs 'nu affuetatiou,' "sincerity' and
outer suet flattering appellations.* e I
cannot,' she says, "pretend to care for a
person' for whom I do not eare;' and
when she utters this sentiment she
looks round with ai self-satisfied air, as
though at were worthy of the highest
commendation. defy good lady, 1 real.
ly do not want you to adore me. 1 do
not even ask you to tape the trouble to
think' whether you like me or not,
When I meet you, probably 1 do not
aspire to meet you again, But for the
few minutes or hours that we are to-
gether, you ought tq convey to me the
impression that yoU are pleasant, and
that you think ino so, qqd this withegt
any orriere pensee, or any calculation
wether you til gain by doing so or not
I3) she art of generally pimping your
French sister excels yob{( unl there:
fore it is that for all the purposets of
aeeiety rag 'repel wOR4a4 bN greatly
pot t tilportor4ts
eeeereeseeseeesefteeeiseeeesses
'>``TIa \W B Li:A. 0 IQ's 3) I ret 1I S u O P
1 i\3 wiN- CHELSEA..
1Y.BUCKING ,.: HAM. late of
Commenced
a'.'velu'anch
and fix ,lr(,-
pa. ea to tlo toll ,,,�,c...x;_ee:-.,..,, awe ofllluck
outithiug work " Horse -elute-
,.
elute -
Mope � , 11 1 ! to •• t I i �
illgal t 3laily attended t A0 11(, Cha, C it 141 E1L3s
loth>ood work ata rcantuud, Aoatl solicited,
10-3m W, 13Uc:11IAczHAM. •
ac.11t01 11 at s.
buablessuthe
at \V'111O1i01aelt
Ne ATCiIEs, CI,ochi:s,
`j' Se ing Machines,
organs, Accur(loonn, and
Umbrella tepaired; Anent
for the \Waltzer SOAPS sew -
Jag Artochiltes, ttl eoutl-
haud Sewing Machines for
sale cheap. Alt kinds 01
needles 1111(1 slant ties for Sewing Machines kept on
Hand seep—Hain Street, 1)asllworet, aoiia G.
tiGLDON, Proprietor. May 15, 1-y,
ENGINES AND BOILERS.
From t: to 13 llorss Power, for Farm -
ors. Dairymen, Butter anal Cheese
Factories, Printers and all parties
using hand or horse tower.
Hest and cheapest 01 the market.
Send for circular and price list,
Johan. hots.
Esplanade Street.
TORONTO.
litIMIMIOGLYMEMEMMEratttatatIVISMIStail
Tonderfal Discovery.
pmritESS RELIEF.
TIg € RIE D OF MANKIND.
�n Internal & External'
REMEDY,
A BALM FOR EVERY WOIINB
It euros Ills lultat1Fu1 and Nouruigia anal
i illsnl��iatiu i t tntlF Ih•n}' 11 wh(1 4'i117
1t'ia-the.onlknown rcluet yr1theinttthau
'u the.donericau Continuut,prnvedby others,"
As Loon tae n1 1111ad it given iitxtaut ease to the
tii,Snrtuuut(' sufferer, altis spills ubsorbe"1,
1'c=nO trines tri the very b0 00, enters the circnla
ll
tro, neutralizing all '11il10 ut"tio Poison" eh:
oulating, in the blood, arid)xp01eit Elgin the
ystom thv ouch the petard outlets. ""'"""."'"'
IT MAP
Tenth ache, 'Earache, Headache, Nouralia?
ilienll111 tinln, Similes, S n c flings, Indentation,
turn Cots, Braises, Pain In Side, I'tyja i111
lin cl :Vain in Chest, Patin inshn'11dor, Coughs,
11,i.t 1 ro,413ires C1lilhlatua 1)inrihoett,llys-
,utelt, S111111I1irConl,lltttnt,&c., Ne.
it will cure t o angst agonizing pule, inter
nal or exte.rwel, in nue instant of tilne; P0016e4
vourprejntliee and give it II trial; toe il,voot-
hent is small to01 relief cm tail'. The groat
-0121'et of its success with tall o asses 35 owixtg
to the fact it 15 dare and harmless, ploesallt
to take, gives instant ease, and eau be applied
to a wider range al disease i3) every day life.
with greater lt1cee1, than guy propnrat1.011
sahiph roseaiel1 skill and ")letlioul Sotent:O.
i.�'t1111 vet prOallnea.
ti' :la a proof or its great power over disease
-my111 max, Old or Yolutg, wile is suffering fromo mutter wo it may be,
tiny of the above allayed puin''ul complaints,
1 t ithe Unice itt'1`„rutttn, aur d'!y f
wholl wculleal.,tat o
wfll get praut- lase 1lroof "L res ni_
aura e of its magical power over pain no
tete, lLutlon.
Te.,tilunuinlstr(un ailpartsof the Dominion,
tree lista ,tly examine to hand, giving expiate -
ion to the most grateful gratitude for as -
c nlisluug cures which 1t has, performed, and
a e would be pleased to receive testimonials
-.ro-•+'1 111.0111 ern who nos it successfully.
Physicians ofthofthe highest r,'apectabilityre•
iomnteud it as a most effectual "doinosttc
r., etniely” for the relief of Pain in eases of and -
ism emergency
Cain v it to your homes, end it will prove a
ulessn!„to)'0lttfamily and aiilict dfriends.
x. Druggiate are selling enormous quantities of
it wherever introduced.
I OAulhtu I) tiro world to traduce its equal.
'Th. Prat snppltud through the wholesofu
1)1415500 Patent Medicine FIonses of Illontre-
tl, Toronto, Hamilton and Loudon.
Pace Z5 Cents per Bottle
Sold by all Enterprising Druggists.
Sept. 19., ly.
A
This gront hottsohold Medicine ranks amongst
the Wattling ieconseries of life. These famous
Pi Is purify the 13naoo, and act most powerfully
yet ioot)dtlgty 0n the Liver, Stomach, Kula eys,
and Bowels. giving tone, energy, and vigor to
these groat 01 tin nprlig. of life. they (ars con-
esie1tly recommended as a never fltilin;I remedy
ivali eases eaters. the censtttation,froul whatever
cause, has horse me Int lutired or weakened, 'Choy
aro wonderfully efficacious 111 all ailments in01.
dental to females of all ale; aid ata a genet al
Il%nlily medicine, aro tluenrpaSssetl.
fts searchit bung arpndvitenrlduliug properties are known
ltrougllnn(.
1'ar the cure of bad legs,bad breasts. 010 wounds
Sores alldli1Cets, ?Jig
bis 1111 ;tdallibte monads. If
C(ectnullytubbpd on the 1leclt iwd 011081, as salt.
LIEU tltpat, it citrus 31110 tllreaat, lironchtti3,elouglis
Colds, and. even Asthma. For Ulaudula: Swel-
lin"s, .ibeennen, Piles, leistulas. Gout Rheumatism
and every kind of Skin 1)180atl0 it has 11cyer boon
known to fail. The Pills andOlutmont are Meal-
ufactured only at
533 om i'01in ST1liIiT, 1;fONDON,
And are geld ay all Vendors of istedhilnes
tllroughqut tale civiliSu1,-warld ; tgth d1repilons
(ti nlniele every lauguago,
'arils Trade alfurks 08 these rraedicines eo p gip-
erred at Ottawa. Bence anyone (ti the ilt•
set lt,)sB(l8 j10113, 1311st agues koop the Ameritrau
iinturtpitA for gale thiel iie liros0eutea,
ideruralIaners eliohhi logk to the Label nn the
P=stilettos. laettos. If the adlhess i8 no 54,1, O44v4
0041tit Lesson, they 4184418400488y
C. & 8. GIDI4Y
t,i r Lerin11.c3r+7 nucl
1OULD SAY TO
V blloso who. lutell(i. ..
pllr(111adi le to do so from
the manatee taro% Tho
dealer who Nuys to soli
again must 1noosearily
Iwo a Profit, We elide)
to give the parO111tsere the
helmet, which minuet foil
to moot the views of the
Grangers. 011r ant motes
aro Was than those of city
mann 1(1et1110rs 0,111seq'1ent-
lyweeon sellahouper,
?pct t.0"1:1it11]"F,�
a alzal. 17., 187d
gra!FIFF roirmat 37,...?.", !" .:._
1� itT1'tl l.iieS1'i't'
6x111 \ O U L I)
e3) 11 s 1 1t ciuhctteutit El
to our ulu"e.rtatang tlel,a 1•t
Iltetlt,vi hied., is more oldie'
"letetent11ar(1r as w' 1111 1
t 1 c (
A001,1 tl (, •aa uuw desf;.mt
/ of n1, 'The bust (1(11111 e,
!task eta: 11111' colds, -.t 11111 (10,4
;mend 11",111a Its, at I've
1011(111 p1•il( `. 3)111 naw
Heti Tr v 10 1,l'o1a• tlit31' ,l' 123'
couil'i'ten1 ,13)1)2('1, Cpl NI
1400111d to 1ta • e In the
provinces
Inbenis of all the Dl erect Socluties.
A
....-..A.�.,.. -e..- e."—er..- -- --.gee,..,,, . es r
E xi
N
9
PXPE
AT TZZ" it
DOMINION L BOR1AT 0-
11-[-.l_IS Z \T 0 .30 !I:B3AST
Truth. • Concerns You More Than Coy uterfe tT
Therefore, rend, p100111 ne, andouioy UR bargains, Wilma say 1 lnanufuctur'e'tn,r own ft'roitnre 1
a)3) prepared witting proof -sheet that the people eau 11121)011' tattany time by calling at 111y W. arr
rooms where they will see a superb 11ia play of
Furniture inAll Its Branches
Is nt'a.1uf letored by thyself nod my roulbiuc,l artlati0 skill, wit`s good workulanship. I der lame rant
iesailsfyingthe people with "tclttaa of IN; niture that amount be equalled fur quality or ,1,lie1 111
.111.Y.lter,all blowing to the contrary, notwithstanding.
WHEN YOUMANT ANY FURNITURE GIVE J. BRAWN A CAI Ln
Corner of linin and Gidley's Street, ::'eter.
18 79) Stil ,; X t.G (1879
THE OLD RELIABLE I—IOtJ'SE
At all times, gad particularly at a poriod wilon Trad,s is universally depressed and money
scarce. It is 111 the interest of every buyer to purchase where he Can got the tae t3Oi2 the want:}
at the lowest rube. In calling your attention to lay present steak, i do so with eve's coned,.
once; it. bring more carefully assorted. and selected than that of any previous season.
Lathe Dry Goods
Eve) y department is replete wi"1l the most seasonable and fashionable fabrics, marked 1.
prices whichshouldcnurnlantlthe attention ofthe very closest buyers. THE OIIDELLtis)
ULOTHINI still iias ME. 1V.IVE8 at it. head
.In Millinery
•
Undoltloana..agementof Miss lieOloghlon, we can suit the most fastidious. Our stool of
Gr'oce..les, Boots and Shoes, Canadian, Eng ish and Aner'i::a ti
' Shelf and Heavy Hardware
one of ttie largestatld best assorted in the County. Intending purchasers will consult their
bestiuterests by examining my stools befor.•egoilig elsewhere.
JAiIES PICTtA.P,T..i
THE EXETER
STOVE
I o
t'1 HE ,trbseriber begs to announce to the inhabitants of Exeter and the s•'rrortniling coun-
1. try, that he has oprnect a TIN and S 1'OViii DEPOT in the store nearly opposite Mr. G.
A. Maces Grocery and Liquor store, linin street. Exeter, where he is p, elm ed to 1111411 of dei
for
Cook, Parlor and other Stoves.
At Manufacturers Prices.
Tinware, cheaper than the cheapest, and made up by practical'
workmen on the premises.
Cave-Tr'onghing;done to order, Carriafo Plating a Specialty. Coal oil Chimneys, the
very best and none Cheaper.
U
intending purchasers will always find me at my„pos,:, ready to attend to my own business
and; prepared at all times to treat customers courteously and supply them with a good and
cheap artie e. Depend upon it that nowhere eau you get better value for your looney.
The very highest price in Cash peid for Hides and Sheep skins..
E H. SPAC1 MAN
Exeter P O, October 15 1877.
THE NATIONAL POLICY
Having triumphed at the polis,
ISAAC C ARLIN
Is prepared to give all his customers tine beretlt's that will ammo from its adoption,Anc1 has On t
Land a large stock of
Dry Goods, Groceries, Wines an't
Liquors, Crockery, Etc.,
At his Store, Main Street, Exeter, which will b.e sold at
which will be sold at prices ;Inboard of under Free Trade.
The farmers of the surrounding country will And it to theiis ti
v ant ge to sell their produce without paying market
lees, on the 1.14eter market,which is second
to none in the west, and then
call at the store of the subscriber and
Secure Immense Dar ..... ar s
there to be had in dverooa&xng, li+'lxll.a;ioths Yrpacl.-,ciptli
Dae ekiiis, Silas, Wil eeys, Delaines, and ev'erytying
noeded in the Dry Goods line. File Glrocery.
Department Oo - is ` s esti inv' �e
P very r�� ��e �4�in, on it d
T(( 40410 t slow goods AMC OAIIL Ci