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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Exeter Times, 1878-10-31, Page 6THE TIMES. FUNNY. A real helpmeet- -Tile carver. All men are not homeless, bu.t soiue are home less than ethers. Where there's a will there's a writ .d: utaatico ingoiremd,l now -a -days. One asked why .11 stood bef,re 0 ?— Because, safel another, a luau must B before he eau O. A local auctioneer advertises fair sale a horse which "leafs been ploughed and !farrowed all sprit!!;." The only thing better than presence of mind in battle, or in a railway ace-• dent, is said to be ab.ence of body. I:1 Montana the justices have this formula for civil aei:trria^,e—•Arise- arab-hands--!filched--tire dollars." "Marriage ".•" exclaimed the maiden aunt. "Hompb , Weft mention it." "Don't neer, shoo ft -'" cried the bloom- llu niece. "No, indeed they don't r., "•I'a," eaid a little four -year -ole;, z•tltt're'e Pt poor man out there that 11 aalll 1 t",l of auything to see yam." "Who is it, my sou ?" "It is a Wiwi RUM" "Did your hu>baud die iuteetate helmed ac lawyer of a. widow in a probate tonic. ":sal,•' she cried, bridling up ;. "he died is his own !louse iia this vil• lags." "Nae," replied 41<ro. 7.elala prolt,el:)wly, 4x1 can't say that lever was in Dublin, bat arty mother has a second •cousin called `Iriah who dealt in curl; ; etp there 1" "Yes," hill aA Ohl Itiaiman at Tani; Branch, "that lady is very ilisa;;rt Beteg at table. If I lived in the eaune pause with Ler ate would be the oady Latae tit it. I eau tell you," Cantatas: home : "Do feint Blow a WA, 4 way of calrilap, hams ? asked a tr ,it of doss raei'glaber. '•tall, yeae, svaito tlaa rtpta ; "batt the troul.ale with luta is, 1 1• i'C' Ray cal Fr-ocaleitaa thin." A13 olid lardy, remarkable for her con- futed ideas of the meaning of words. tleecriLes n comer buron r evettiug' thus: "lt `itis a beautiful bright alight, and the moan uaaeie every thine as light as at sten:." Book-keeper (to his eau.ployer): "I Eheulil litice to baa tib t'tfft to -morrow, sir. to attend toy father's funeral." Etta- I•la.;"t r tdeel, ion iigur(;x, auto warningly): ".Yon may go this time, Watkins, but ao rid you don't let this thing occur too tafteu 1" even year a>ld—'atirantitua, :Vogler Ss'ietaan soya the world stop coma to an effai iu 1bw1. Is that true?" Grand - dear, for in the ilible we frit tE,lt1 'Of that day and hour knoweth rata lactim,' etc. Seveu year old—":1.h, but lIhther Sbiptou was a woman." The: Norristown Herd,/ soya::—llatu- dr("tfs of fart people are :mode lean w•itla• cut usi.t g "anti -fat." They use alffitl lit y, and it makes them L aan—ata+acinel lamp hosts, houst-,a and things—in less than c'ue-haif the time it takes a patent medicine to effect the same result. A young mall hired as a clerk was told by his employer that all the clerks (.iept at the house, Wald that 1t was closed punctually at ten every flight. "Ob ! dou't apologise," said the youth. "I don't care wast time it closes, if it'e only opened early enough in the morn- ing. "1laa, has your tongue got legs ? "Got shat, child?" ° Gat legs nig "-Cetta iuly not ; but why do yon ask that question ?" "0 nothing ; only 1 Lcart!• pa slay that your tongue with f tatlfeiug from !horning till night." Then pa bad to take another "run- ning." This interchange rf opinion tont, place receutly. at a public meeting iu sue of the olenginous Jou ns of Penn- sylvania. The chairman "The chain urn not disl'late the paint with Mr. Watson." Air. WVntson. "The cloth laol better not. unless he takes his coat f%." The chair did not. Claiborne P. Jackson,; who was once Gtvttrnor of 111.ississippi married five sisters in a wealthy and distinguished family. When he went to ask for the last one his venerable father-in-law re - Plied, "Yes, Claib, yen can have her. Yin have had them all. .For goodness woke do)1't ask ma for the old woman 1" I'...To r.—Ston was once asked : "Doc tnr. fin t vain think a man involved in trouble from whio,la he cannot bee bow l"r•can extricate himself would be juati- iied in ini Id g away woith himself by tahing his own life ?" "No," said, the doctor. "let him go to some atcuntry where lie is not known ; not to the lev- il, where he is known. ADA1I'S LONELY BOYHOOD. 4.N AUEOTING PICTURE OF TRU ORIGIN aiARRXED SLA Z. 'Fat noutribator. In begiafliug a series of sketches concerning the youthful days of emi- nent people, it seems eminently fitting that eve commence with A.datn. It is rather difficult to eenceive Adam as a bay, we admit, oaing to the popular superstition that has voluted !line oaan- iag into tho w•,tk1 fall grown, with whiskers and mustache e' np14 te, and a prevailing belief that there wasn't n boy in the world uta-il Eve malas and raised the Old Boy with Adam; yet we prefer to thick sof our aaneient progeni- tor as having had something of a boy- ; hood, and we suppose we have as good t a right to theorize upon tko subject as arty one eke. Main wars probably as mischievous, naturally, as boys generally are. In fact, Darwiu gays be Watt "a perfect little monkey," alueh, we believe, a sypooyln for wi eltievo tl .41. Iiighland-bagpiper on his travels opened' his wallet by a wood -side. acid salt down to dinner. No Sooner"hau1 he Said ;grime than three wolves -'Game about !hitt. To one lie threw bread, to another meat, till his provender was all gon(',.atiengtla the took np his bagpipes and began to play, at which t.io wolves ran away. "The iei1, take me," said ihe'rinw dinnerless piper, "11n 1 had keen'd Von lo'ed tnneic . sou • wee], rod should ha' been it before dinner." ubtleee le - over, Rot In batt u coi111taNtio'.' ' .- his gambols. If he meld out after cola t and go to Gulling ill', it Wirt id by himself. And what spirt e,)u.l have ringing door bells withont..a I. other boys to scamper away w i And consider the melancholy fu. flsteuina words actors the walk eight with nobody to trip over them. We can imagine young Adam. w:n all the inatintlt6 ('f a boy two humin thick in Lid nature, looking about la” Inemsnolitsesttensomularnmsalosw OCTOz-ER 61, 1:78 cmaraceigteag hien, we find a kind of satisfaction in n R I C TT relenting that Adam's boyhood was ex- -'.-. oaptiouaily free from care, and ou the rccouut we aro bound to conclude that his life WAS not an entire failure, >°T WIN SOLOAPI, il�zsinst oornruen�eed business one balf mile West of Dashwood, and is prepa•,e1 to clean f.'lorots,Watohes and $ewing �1,telitue•s. brellas repaired and Organs„arid Melodious at. tended t,a, ',Nese in want t,f bis sairsire'. should giv311irn n call before 'i t, witty from Bonn'. Chanes moderato.. altirt ,-alt-fac. Lion. "„;atarlatet'*I. frill +y:.:ti. C'e.1%).o a; :iC'ii \ 1111- F 1;1i C,�;,._^+,,��^ .aus•c i"ubrisltcd, in a sealed Envelope, A lecture Pu tett fiat ,tx 'r"e?atineut, and Ita,li- $al etare of •,t rix ...a Eh .+� ,,. r?per ntor>'at.r;t, tu.tueed by i:•.t at t tttc Itut Y'u n.x, ux! atones, . t t v , e l len..t il..a .a• to nxxai e'aatgc g: e r t` apt! sex aim ills; Mint. 1 * .6 ..f it v. I31e !.(IlI1.t. r.l. . ..t. i)., atataior;�f clic !ech It' ?.lxe v ., 1 1 r iu thlsstalintrabl.• I•ee tlilr e. o ixxs own expel -tette... at tte.. that Llai y t.. t5 of salr•.t.buoe niter tot! Qleetat ltd t , aint,elt medicine, aan t il',•n out d at a ,art+satrgicat ) -tenons, boleti,., , It. !n .Q.,.,.aat;S" or cordials; pointina Put . nre certain uude/teeth I , as i w' ttt•r whet his asome way to divert himself as olio , bows del, anal whispering to titaevie. "tittu't have any fuo !" Of ourse he couldn't by any pos',o 1'ility have any fun. No fun t000i. away to rerl000l, or c.teaiing nti t .. e tea ' s1 iutratog, beeatt%t• totem w..- acne" to ff aitk t.iill wht•u lie WA 1atn u.. NO laud i suatalivag int the bay-ite 1t to indulge in a surteptitions game of enehre--al• ways had to "play it Mom)." Iiia; i ctaukta't play "teat;," because. let4 might yell "I've gut the tag," all slay, and i there would he nu tiee to come and ;®take it away from him. "li-tilai" had i no charm, for a bey bon: gets tired of Bitting when he has to go to work to find himself. Aud where is Cher© a boy who likes to work anti "find hint- ; self." The more we think of Adam's lonely boyhood the more we are inclined t'a, pity biter, lie never hn"sw what a sir- ens flteall't, at !twat not till Eva came incl illtrttilnctd. lam to one. But tot: ''!lave footling to (la with brat now amt We are ably treating of Adam's tl.iy.' hood. True, there was -a hig 1uE'Ila giir- ia all round: Lim, but tiff(; aoiu,ale were tanto affairs, lambs and lions lyiug down together 81 the luu1tspiritless ccucterd, .and the hippopotamuses and canary birds playing with each other like kittetas. Little Aaiun never sat ` way on tho highest seat and gaz•'d awe-etlieldn while n man in spitui_led I tights sprang, 'whit) in haul, into a !cage of savage beasts that rolled their I come, gnashed tlltiir teeth, and roererl luu:il the canvas overhead flapped for i very filar. No, indeed. lie neve' I sate a thin -legged female iu short shirts ride a loping horse around n ring, and jump through a hoop, whiten a man with his face painted wl'ito and bis mouth a red exaggeration tells j that convulsive story about stuffing. hay into his eh.lea to fill them out, and his calves going down to eat the hay. t Young Adam never saw "the old clown,'" though lie mime very Poon af- ter Adam's day, and the jokes be - com- menced with he has been getting aft' `ever since. And liow about base ball ? Da you suppose that Adam knew anything about th'tt exhilarating diversion that h now doing so much toward develop- ing the intellects of nur American youth? There is n,) likelihood of it, not while he was a boo. his son Oain however, seems to have been the first who got up a "club," brit it was the death of his brother Abel. While there were au many things that the boy Adam missed, think not that his solitary life was without its aowpousation. There was no other boy to steal his marbles or hide his top, or jeer at him because he had to wear his big brother's oast off clothes, or honer across thci street the he had "a letter 1.. the 1ost-afiioe," or fl:x a beat pin for hien to r•ii, down ,rm,' or make falces at his sister, or spell bion dowu. or sten] his (t,u1.t� , or tell ou hiai R 11( 1) he had b. = a; h. m1 ebief, or heat him out of his' si i ethras" t Adam escaped these and a ti onswal ether an- noyances that boy's eubjeet o ycii other to. Re hadn't any brothers Wald sis ters to tease and worry Jilin, and with whom lie was compelled to divide his playthings and nice thing* to eat that might come that way. lie could keit a piece of sweetcake ]yiog around any- where, 1(nnwiug that uo110 of the rest of the children would Bucci it; and at night, on retiring. he .could stick Isis '"gain" on to the headboard, confident that it would •rest undisturbed until morning, Whatever trouble and annoyances his matrimonial life mai' have brotibht at>, t. clow ca .etee;,e Truth: Concerns You More Than Counterfeit, F O V N DL� Founders, .engineers and Machinists. If PotANUFACTt:RElt8 OF 11 NGIN.ES AN1) BUILEi(W, FLOURING, GIST ANI) SAW L 1ILLS b'TA\ E AND HEADING \J kO11INLLY olid !!fill; Purifiers of improved kiuds. Agricultural Irnpl em en.ts COOKING, PARLOR ANI.) BOX STOVES Potash Kettles, School seats, &c. Ikon anc.L T 3.t•ast,4 Cnstjn('M to:Orde � For :gale cheap—Second 11:11.a Boilers mad En ices Sts an Shilla;le, and Leading .tlaetiinery. Repairs on !hailers, Et)gtues. l;iills,&e., promptly attended to. GOB RIM FOUNDRY and 24A? JFATUTIll Co.. GODEIIICT, Out. TIT'S .IS NO BOTNE A: T There ore, react. liure.lta o, and o•uj',y its latrgains. Wheal say a 11n411Ufaetllre 1x11' own furtlihart•1 in prepared crit!, iuy ltrool,•hc•et that ti., pe"pct) van inspect et any time by culling ut ruy wont ins tvitere they will acme as snl.t•rl, tiffs )'ta -or Furniture inAli Its Branch es a vllntift.`t•tra• t ht iu -a'•:t :VI 1 tar tt foo l a•rtlitle anal!, tcltlt goad o: [-inial:1Eix 1 .1V 'are not o8l,i*u.. (1)0 V& o8 with aerne ., Fit uitaire that -Cannot Ito e.itt111e'1 far anAi.y,er ttrico fat !: wt r, all blaming tP 111e contrary, notwithstanding. :EWHNYQU WANT ANY FURNITURE GIVE J. DRAWN A CAII. Coruor of Malin and (ii.11e'y'e ;street, 1-eter. DON ON LABORA''O". Pure Drugs. Dye Stuffs. Patent Medicines. FERE tL./ M L1L'i� lahtit IIL*, t I4C to .aG tri.. CALL Ai DO NOT READ THIS. S A M W E L L& P I C K A R Dt' ' and see their] wring receival It lot of MAN' marh•nery,1 would inform. coni farmers of the t,ur- rounding couully that I ata prepared to matte- fa..ture all kiuds of Horse flakes, luarley Furls. Wain Cradles, Snaltt11s, ate, a11i1 having secured the sir vier; of a ilrst-class Turner, i' lane prepared to du ALL RINDS OF. TURNING on the shortestnotiee, and for stye and prin. I defy competition. Always on hand it tint- hays 3)111 s Fork aux titer. l pantiles. Mill NE' 'M V MILLINERY half anile south of Exeter. .LV 11 V A. COTTELL. lar Spring (. Now Opening. NEW PRINTS, NEW MlNTLCS, and AINTING PAINTIN �. KITCHING Is prepared to do all kinds of A SPECIALITY IN Ordered & Reay -mads. Clothing, EATS, C.1,1'S G Boors, SHOES aIV1) O1tOf"tERIRS, New Wall Paper just to baud; also just receive I, our hew House fainting, Paper-lianging WhiLening, tLc. at reasonable prices and punctually. J. lii2ClIIV(r. !toxin at Exeter. ST. Al .11Y'S GI1T1+1,4VU13iiS. our drawn kilns being now iu roll operation and tarnlugoutdaily a Large cuttut113 of LIME that for all purposes canuot be surpassed'; in the"Domin iOl). Partiesfrom a distance can always be.* plied +idler at the !bons or dotivordby. teams at•tow est roruhilorative rates. orders from n distance 1n•amptly attended. to. WHITSON sit SOLA.TE1. AT THE Standar 3' Sash Door d Blind F A"0''1"0 1'i Y, is constantis k :yt ou 1lent!, 011 kinds of building material. L 1 :oi'lllf;• laird Lind soft, Ming Moult- uge &c., a a1 l ; Lo t0. Planing Jigging and Turning promptly attendee to.; BUILDINGS CONTRACTED FOR, and satisfaction guaranteed. As wo laevo::on hand a larges, ook of dry lumber, wo feol sure of satisfying Inose who may give us a call; 1IOSS , BROS. & TAYLOR OST. --Un Thames !toad, near liussolrlcls, a largo, 1)11 Skin. Any person finding the sane well be remolded by in.. forming Mfr. Fenwielr, ilxeter Drilla, or by leaving; it at the ltusseldaieliotele. FIELD AND GARDEN SEEDS Turnip, Mangold, Carrot, tape, Glover and Timothy. Owing to the great depression of trade, we shall offer for Cash new and fashionable Goods at better prices than o1(1 Job or l3onkrnpt Stock can. be 1301(1fo . SA1i10ELL & PICKARD. RANTO ' 5 fa P ei elf Are now showing their fall stock, and direct special attention to the following departments: Ladies' Mantles, Shawls, Triunnel bats, Flowers and Feathers, Furs, Dress Goods, ete. Gents under clothing, Over Coats, Rubber Coats, Beavers, Worsted. Coatings, Tweeds, etc. Clothing. Made to Order, Their carpet department i;; mote attractive than ever before. Gl(CJRIES as usual choice and fresh. Min. Tea Setts ria all the newest designs, .Laing Goods and Glass -ware remark- ably cheap. They have just moved into their new promises, in lir. 1!i ILorett'3 block, opposite Messrs. Barnwell & Pickard's, and are iu a better position to serve tluir customers than formerly. They cordially invite all their old friends, and new ones also, Call and See Them, and they will take pleasure in showing; thole throuarhthc premises and stook. All accounts will "now be ,mule out ap ea ist October, and mailed. A hearty response wilt be pleasant. Ratter and eggs wanted. BANTON BROS. E.l.orott's block, Opposite Mast's. S,amwell & 1'ickartl's, 9isiu street, Exeter.