HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Exeter Times, 1878-7-25, Page 71
'1411r,r 25, 1878
THE MMUS
WIT AND HUMOR.
Every dove lace a cote, and every dog
pants.
The young than wlna took a seat neer
the object of hie adoration exclaimed,
"!bine Juxtaposition that suite we l"
bolitoq,uy by a tippler—The public
always notices yon when you have been
drinking, and uever when you aro
thirsty.
"Tlie nearest I ever cense to catnni-
baliynl,r" said ofd Lord George Bentjuck,
"was when I swallowed a little Loudon
porter,"
!General Sherman favors cheese as au
army ration.Ile evideutly believes
that it is miner --teat we meet not do
what we would kill any other man far
attempting.
&i, hop. oekeeper, in filling up his eau -
etre schedule, Mader the column beaded
"Where leen," d;:,t:ribed tate of Itis
children ,,t, -tilt in the parlor.'" and the
caber "up ensure.'
deunio hue says a substitute for the
oorcet is oluunatty" called the lmancipa.
!ioin whist. e . yoatug !title's ern) is au-
pt:ller good substitute—we've been told.
But why is it ea, we have never learn-
ed.
A p au may certainly use glasses
rtbuve hie not if he feuds them any as-
sistance, but lets will find that the too
foga. ut use of glasses under his naee
tousle to utistuadiuetss of gait and thick-
ness of speech.
"It taken a drug clerk of broad judg-
ment and liberal views, and a cairn,
stit'esn9tin ! l;e, control of his features,
to knew how to give a citizen the right
!fief! Of syrup in his diad,. water %viten
the entte:ett'a wife aaya she will take the
same ap iter !disband.
An applicant for a position as teach-
er in a l.lglt school recanlunendod hint
self to the leiard by shying that he had
"'be.oc tris blue dt,estick seho.'h these
four year." The hailed deelded not to
hint a teacher that didn't keine how to
spelt ""fareI " butter than that.
They microphone is another 'navel.
lone inveeotion. By it the faintest
;lau:,.le3 ;are magnified to the dimousione
of a thunder alae. With the micro-
phone a farmer can hear a potato ling
coming down the road a quarter of a
tulle away, and can g;t out with an axe
and head it tiff,
/ The New York editorial association
met in tiy^racuse a few days ago. While
there they visited the Idiot Aeyltlm,an4
got mixed up with the lunatics. The
1t.epers had an awfully nerd trine to
tinparfte, them, being unable to toll
' "totlter from which," It 1,vss decided-
ly rongli--Liu the lunatics.
Quicker than nought. --A little boy
hearing saute ono remark that nothing
was quicker than tllought,saiti : I know
something that iaquickte.r than thought."
'"What i5 it Johnny ?" asked his pa.
"Whistling, said Johnuy. "When. I
was in school, yesterday I whistled be.
fore I thought, find got licked for it
too."
It i' sett meted that 87,000 young wo-
men neve been graduated from female
colleges and setninaiie`3 this eeaaon.
jest think of its 37,000 young women
with their young minds full of French
c:1nverllatiotia, mental pbilosophy,white
pekavt; and deferential calenlns, and not
one of thein that can make a green
apple pie, or map out a constitutional
amendment for the suburbs of a pair
of pants.
Chicago females visit condemned
nulderera in prison and actually kiss
them. This is taking a very unfair ad-
vantage of a man. He has no chance
to escape, and is therefore compelled
to submit. We now understand why
those two .len who were hanged in
"Ch} cago, a few days ago, expressed a
stl(one deli -ire, a month previously, to
have the execution take plane "as soon
as possible."
During a discussion in Cincinnati
one of the disputants, said :—"I'm get.
ting tired of this eternal harping about
he finer sensibilities and virtues of wo
map—they're not a bit ahead of the
men. Take a oominor, instance—chair-
ity, we'll eau. When a man's genet-
osity is touched in the right spot, he
shoves his hand right down into hie
breeches pocket and gives alms. Dote
a woman ever do that ? No, sir,neverl"
end without a triumphant, self-satis-
ed look, he put on his hat and went
out, leaving the other party crushed
and dazfd.
Whou Frank (faits, of Newark, N. J.
went home the other evening his boots
were damp and he found difficulty in
removing them from his feet. Ile cal -
'led a;gentlemau in thehouseto his ns-
sistauce. Gams sat on a chair and the
man took hold of a boot, and gave a
sudden -jerk, causing the wearer to slip
from his seat, and striking his back on,
the ehair`his spinal column was injured
and he may die. If wives didn't snake
snail an awful fuss when their husbands
Attempt to go to bed with their boots
on, such terrible accidents would not
*out
Q(IT1)ONli BY A BOY.
Au exchange toile the following
story of a boy who chewed himself the
superior of four men
A lad in Boston, rather small for hie
years, works in an ut'&ce as errand boy.
for four geutlemaa who do business.
therm Otte day the gentlemen were
ohaffiug him about being ale small,. and
,aid to bite
"You never will amount to much
you never can de main business; you
are trio small," The little fellow looked
at thein,
"Well," said he, "as shall as I an,
I can do something Whirle none of you
four: feet! can dc."
"Aul
e
I can keep from �awtearasked
iu, " they,
pthe
little fellow. p There were, aowo bloats
es on four wanly faces, and titers
seemed to be very little anxiety for
farther information Old that paint..
ay.viv.4.ve
CARE OF MILK.
.'#. creamery company publish the
following roles for the guidance of
their patrons who furnish milli to the
oonnp,luy. Every person IOW baa the
management of owe and attetnp%e
butter mskieg should study thein
ltUf+r3$,
1. Never under any t ircuu.inanees
put a pail of milk irate your cltn befure
et raining. Hoer iasis of ureitra,,tned: uiitk
may spoil a whole eau, and one cat/ of
impure milk will certainly injure all
"silk or cream with which. it cornea su.
ccutaot. In the mane of decency, we
beg of every petrou to be particular
about milkiug and properly straining
this milk..
a. Cana containing ruilk should never
be kept in a milking bare during the
night. The scent of the stable (how.
cver web kept) will injure the milk
and spoil the nice Savor treat: butter
elznuid have, An open, shed a little
tiitttanvc (rum your barn, your wood•
eked or your kinutien is the only propel
place for keeping milk over night.
tit/00ESUONS,
1. Insist that your milking he done
il. a cleanly mariner. Too much puiuri:'.
caplet be taken is Lhe particular.
Carelossuena here will cutup! a great'
leas an the usaaufaoturer, arid ivault
the cousutnor.
2, Bea your cows with sawdust, if
possible; it will keep your cows clean
and your stable tidy.
O. Do not under any circumetancos,
leave your pails and etramer at the
barn over tight. Carry theta to the
hoose and iusiet that they be properly
waitlfsd both morning and evening.
Much depends on thea.
4. Use unly tiu pails for milking.
5. 'the tip strainer pails are the
best for strawiug milk. Some dairy.
peep Use strainer palls and also a cloth
atretolsed over the can --thus straining
the milk twice. We advise this double
attaining of milk. It coats you but
little trouble, wile it will greatly add
to the value of the butter and cheese
from your milk.
IlUISli WJ.T,
Au Irish ,Lune pain has turned up
at a Bootee restaurant in the humble
capacity of a waiter.
A guest who has been nerved with a
small lobster :—"Jiu you call that a
lobster Mike ?"
"Faix, I do believe they do be Gatlin'
theta lobsters here, sur. We call 'em
crabs et home."
"Oh," maid the diner, "you have lob.
store in Ireland ?"
"Is it lobsters ? Begone', the creek
is full of 'em. Many ,t toime I"ve seen
'em when I lapped the sthrauies."
"How tong du lobsters grow in Ire-
land ?"
"Well," said Mike, thoughtfully, "to
spake widiu bounds, sur I'd say a rela-
ter of five er six feet."
"What ? Five or six feet ? How
do they get around in those creeks ?"
"Belled, sure the creeks in Ireland
are Any or sixty feet wide," said the
impurturable Mike.
"But," asked the guest, "you said
you had seen them when you were
leaping over the streams, and lobsters
here live in the sett,"
"Sure, I did sur ; we're powerful
teapers in Ireland. As for the sea, sur,
I've seen it red with 'em,"
"BO look here, my fine fellow," said
the guest, thinking ire had cornered
Mike at last, "'lobsters are not red un-
til they are boiled."
"Don't 1 know that 2" said Mike
"but there are bilin' springs in the ould
country, and they a wim through 'em,
and conte out all ready fur ye co crack
open and eat 'ens.''.
IV,£USIC RA.TiL.1 ND,
Sewing Machine mporium
TliB LARGEST AND BEST STOCE OF
Silverware, China and Dell ever seep in
the Weat, et
E. I RE C7'S sorortrp.
lir. Drew has just received an excellent stock()
Silver Tea Setts.Butter Coolers, Double and Single
Pickle Cruets. Cake Baskets. Card. Iieceivers,:ilorn-
minion Setts,etc.,ofthe BeatguadrupleandTriplc
Plate. and is offering the sante at prices that would
ASTONISH YOU FOR CHEAPNESS!
Ile has just opened out a, new and complete as-,
ort,nent of China, Olass and Stonewares. Cal
ndastisfy,yourself as to quality and sheaness.
Come and try our instruments. Music Teacher
still on hand. Services at lowest figures.
E. EW'..
Tie sal
FURNITURE Roos
(AWING to the very large increase of trade, 1
have been compelled to cnlarge my preedses.
anti havojust received a large stock of all kinds of
f'urmitore ..in fact, one of the largest north of1.ou•
don, Tltotte in went of a liret class article in the
ones Furnishing Line should call and examine my'
tock and ascertain lay prices and be convinced that
an sell cheerier than anynther Boueein the tracts.
oat, Straw and re'aed mattresses and spring beds of all
I have alae opened out a first-class stock of Clocks
sea and floe Jewelry, in tact every article Lound in
a flrut-ciassestablishment. I feel coetld&Lt that Inas set
at prices that winsomely the ppnblis, and es low as con
be purchased anywhere. Clock's ana Watches repaired
at moderate rates, and satisfaction guaranteed. by CORP
putout workmen. Also Organa and Musical instruments
t3pecial attention to Undortakitag.
Aaildiugs contracted for.
S, Fairba,irxia.
A young woman, evidently from the
country, was seen standing with a very
perplexed look at one of the lamp -post'
letter -boxes. She was observed to
kuuek severaltimes on the top of the 1
iron box, and obtaining no response,
she paetsed round to the opposite side,.
raising the cover of the alit in which
letters are piaci d, applied her mouth to
the aperture, and called out (or in) :
"Can .ye let me have a postage stamp,
if ye please."
Groceries Ganlectionary
Smoking Tobacco 25 Cents per lb
CHOICE TOBACCOES VW OIGAR
alw&TO IA* k
K' SPORTSMEN'S DEPOT.
Scheel Books, ,Statiener'yt lsIn arin,ee
WITH ALL THE LATEST news
1t.B.---sewing Machin*, Needles ofevery kind.
A. BOYD.
WANTED
MEN, WOMEN, BOYS, AND DIM
TO Pl'.'IL1.4WAX.
ommeuce an the 15th inst. Apply to
PATTO ^t& DORWOOD,
Exeter.
T
PAINTING
.i. SITCNINO
s prepared to do all kinds of
House Palutiug, Paper -h !ging
Whitening. rho.
at reasonable prices end punct pally.
d.IIITCUINtir. Main st
Exeter.
E T IR
TIN AND STOVE DEPOT
rims s abscriber begs to anuouace to the b. habitants of Exeter and the wrroaudiug Genn.
try, that he has op; nett a TLN and S VOW: DEPOT in the store nearly opposite Mr, O.
A. Maces Grocery and Liquor stare, Hain street, Exeter, where he is p.epatedtu fill all urdets
ter
Cook, Parlor and other Stoves
At Mauufaeturers Prices..
Tinware, cheaper than the cheapest, antl made up by practical
workmen oil the premises.
give -Troughing done to order. Carriage PBiting ti Suceialty. Coal oil Chimneys, the
very best and !lone cheaper.
0
Intending purchasers will always find me at my post, ready to attend to my own business
and prepared at alltimes to treat customers courteously and supply them with iti good and
heap artio e. Depend upon it that nowhere eau you get better value for your stoney.
The very highest price in Cash peid for Hides and Sheep skins,
E. H. SPACKMAN.
Exeter P 0, October 151877.
GODERICH
.POU NDB
Founders, Engineers and Maohinists.
MA:ILWFACTLIREAS OF
Ii;NGINES AND BOILERS, FLOURING, GRIST AND; SAWS MILLS
iaTAVE AND HEADING M11aCHINERY
Middling Purifiers of improved kinds.
Agricuural Implements
COOKING, PARLOR AND BOX STOVES
Potash Kettles, School seats, &c.
Iron and Brast4 Cas inerts to order.
For sale cheap --Second heed Boilers and Enrires Stave anti
Shingle, and Heading Machinery.
Repairs on Boilers, Etlgitaes, Mills, &c., prowptlyattended to
GODERICI FOUNDRY and MANUFATURINLT co'
GODERICH. Ont.
GREAT DISCOUrT SALE!
PRIOR TO REMOVAL
Air
nA
FANSON'S BLOCK, EXETER
FLY BRICK.►
Is.LS all the
FLIES stn ai
room la TWQ
HOURS.,
zoc. warns
will 141*
funs Sies
than $lo
worth. 0
Ply P per.
No din,
a trouble.
d by
i)gt;GGltV
1.vssy.
wN;RR,
Botanic"Medici
e Cee., Buifttlo,N. Y.
ANTS -FAT
riNe
The GREAT ISEMEDX for
oeELhiyLE11C3 .
4LLA Y'S ANTX-FAT
is purrlyr5getnble and perfectly harmless. It nets
upon the food In the t,tomath, preventing Rs !rebut
converted into fat. 'taken in aoror<tanrt: with '0.
rectlons, It will reduce a fat person rrom two to ars
pounds par week.
••rorpuitnce Is not only a disease itself, but the
harbinger of others.", so wrote Hippocrates two
thousand years alio, and what was true then is none
the less so to -ala',
P.M l bs druggists. or sent, by express, upon m
celpt orgy's. quarter -dozen 81.00. Address,
BOTANIC MEDICINE CO.,
Proprietors, Buffalo, 2e Y.
It; •al'�i1lR; ^ p.',etit•iltg
the in,,•. tima - -'nths co;,.
taunt! in .i: 1,, medical
hot at ever 1.st. ertitletl
THYqsq�t�o ,purl T1ON
\Sj'EL FF'rara cul>•dt n o�•utnil
atra mel rte rcc,i.pt ni ha11,. It
treats of Exha tedV:hilitc,'Premature-ttelite,
Nervous andr'ht:etti 3ItC, 11y, and tit • endless
concomitant int n+1 mu 011 nuts r11 that r• Quit
liter! from, told crntnitlsllt41 Ultra 5ut,ti;tnaalhrc-
soritttions, tnn•nr nr tvbithaetcoreltlhelurcc of
the honk. This h,'k"0 writtenl.rthetnestex.
u•mitenitlprnli;tblar', r 'rsl:iitintpractitinnt0
;0 .'.Tl1ie:t,'n whom t ua•d:' at,'•d laid jetf•
ell, +1 no -dol 1,1 thr 3 n';a 1 fleas 1_\s• oc1at,lon.
et. 1 ouphlet 11 h 11a • v -ry :melt
01.1-1 11 rt. n •.. _ �iT n,
r l of 1113 1U a1 1,• " " t
sant 1„Y. 10 all `,1'i ,43
for it at on
GEhi tiTtl \.* hY ELF
��1
KNOW
J 111,
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