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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Exeter Times, 1878-5-30, Page 3Ma? 30, 18 7$ ersemseemeseirmieete 0 FUNNY. THE TIMES The main who gets tight is apt to make very many loose remarks. A young lady who received damages for a bias la looking out for damages again. Song of a sufferer from toothache 44 How happy could 1 be with ether." In Greece you can teli by the way a womuau wears her heir whether she is married .,r not ; in Canada you may 'know E. Than is worried if he doesn't wear any heir at all. Now say that a Sy 4hhman csn't rusks a jolkei —The magi -tildes of Aber- deen hese solemnly given it es their opinion that it is unlawful to take spirits out of an empty cesk' " You see, 1 have ellau ped my ocon- petion,' said an mullet (formerly a scllotl1niltster) to a friend. + Yes, but is neatly the, 'seine thing, though, was the answer. 4 for you arili attend to the pupils.' rI'm sorry, Mr. Wilson, to ses this field of potatoes so seriously diseased,' testid a sympathizing incl}ester, t Ah, wee', We a greet pity,' ieidied the far- t ler, " but tilers s one comfort—Jack Tanison's nee it bis better._ 1 + Papa,' said a bay just home from a sleight-of-lmand enterteinment,' * I with i was a conjurer.' ' Why, limy eon,' asked the parent, blandly. + 1 would tarn you Into a rat, call up the cat, and wouldn't 1 have a lark crit[. the little vagaboud. Gill to shopkeeper t . Can ye gip ale the change o' a sixpence 9' Shopkeep- er puts down change; girl gathers it up and is moving to the door. Sleep - keeper --4 Tt e eemxpeuee, rely girl—.ells siEpe➢ice ?' girt:' fy wither says Shell r;is yo't;,;,en in sio morn r whoa. a~r4 - jail for?' asked a prieon-vieiter elf a were. " Fele bor. married people. Nine o'clock having. arrived, and the husband not having reached hone, the indignant wife nails. down the windows, locket all the doors, and goes to bed feeling as if else 4o1#ld smash her uartnar in a minute and a half. Along about eleven o'clock Charles Henry begins to play his part in the game, He is suddenly peen ue. der one of the kitchen windows, He seeks to raise it. He tries another and another, but the aaolt won't lift. Then 11e softly tries all the doors, but they are locked. The rules of the Raine al- low him to make some remarks at this junoture. and it generally begins t• rain about this moeut. As he gets under the shelter of the garden rake he muses: ',Nice way to treat me because 1 fuilnd a stranger on the walk with a broken leg and took him to the hos- pital,'° As the rain coulee harder he boldly climbs the front steps and rii,gs the bell After about ten minutes thedo r is opened, it ]lend reachee out and piffle hint into the ills]], and the game goes "'Olt Ton vile wretch !" 44Derliug, wimaz niezzer—whaz iz it, jtdiug ?" "Don't darling me. Here it is al- most daylimlit, and I've shivered and trembled, and brought an a nervous fever which may carry me to my gravel". " derliu>;, I found a leg ou time aide - walk wiz broken ]ram, and—!" Tile game is always won by the wife. Antimer,"and the lad out -door game to be described here, is called ; "Wait. ing for Her Darling." woman waits for her huebaud to spade up a flower bed. The Itastern question absorbs hie tvuole time. She goes ont to wield the spade herself. The game ie very I ricf. spade ' toabove in thea4 e byr t l➢e trees 11 pros - 'win money, tale." ' 1i by, they don sing with be„tlt feet et once, and whet* put 11➢en io jltit tamr born nlpg dao Alma gstfa up and dashes into time honest, +lea, bait peen ripe I had to I;aeecl: t1*e she real"Ized th(ct thti rr,tied over three meu dawn free or Allah tones memo heel lilacs and barked her ]lose against the Wel it tome,' coutmuued Afric's ch nkt. iron vase, and that four carriages were Two sailors bmwneaed to bo oil a military paredte.gromui whoa the sol- diers were tit drill. doing through the eavolutiona of marking time-- a 1pa iev- uvre by which the feet as well oaf the whole body of the 1 preen are leo, t right t.ppoeite the brume at time time. She may have a speech to deliver Sheer] her hubantl comes to dinner, but the llu ..baud wins the gamo—it is so in tie Mee. nio len, presenting, a similar appear. IT 'WASN'T THE TOOTi1AC11 fa. 11.111,0 to that which soldiers exhibit when they arca actually nmarchiug. One In the ladies waiting room at the Hnilor, obi;ervieg the oilier watching Central depot the other day were n the movemouts of the company very ' newly married couple from Grass Lake. attentively, with ]lie eyes fixed and ins' They bad been visiting in the city two rig three days, and were then reedy tl go benne. 't'lroy out side by aide, of course, his area round Le. mast tutu ah0 ]psalm* on his shoulder, a long. waisted etritngor from the east, having sore eves and a big heart, saw thou. turns akimbo, asked him what he tht,ullt of it, ' Well, duck,' replier]. , that comrade. ` I. acro thinking titercn rnu'.t be a very strong tide running this morning, for these poor fellow!+ have been pulling away this half-hour and have not got an inch ahead. yet.' ',thus seated, and in about a miunte he asked of the husband : "Has that woman got the tootle. ache ?" The husband looked up in surprho but made no answer. After two or three minutes the long -waisted matt' has turned over in bed and uttered a j again remarked : warning shriek, and big green worms "If that woman has got the t+tnth- are skylarking a;Snua on shade trees ache, I've got a bottle of peppernnnt and bettingeon their chances of drop-in my atehel here." ping down behind a man's coat -Dollar. The bride rolled bet big white eyes around, and the husbmd looked Some- what embarrassed. The man from down east unlocked Its satchel, futn bled among shirts tad collars, and brought up four tames of peppermint essence. He uncorkel it, touched the contents of the battle against his big red tongue, and hauling it forward toward the husband, feelingly said : "Just have her sop .some on a rag and rub her gooms avith it. We've used it in our family fa�-" The bride's eves thaw out sparks as she lifted her head iron its loving po- sition, and striking at the bottle she Snarled out : "Tuthaobe, yon cult! If you don't know the difference ween true love and the tuthaehe you' better pick grass with the geese 1" "My 1" gasped tin man, and he hurried out with h1i satchel in oue hand and the bottle ti the other. ria c= INVALIDS' HOTEL, 'Tile serf large „um1Kr of 1nv:4nd ppecople who A7 as vlt t Buaaio, ifwm peer)' guartcr offbe t niece Stats and Canada, that they may consult Dr. lt.s. PIERCE, and the widely celehr.,ted Faculty of Specialists 1n birdieing and uryry,,er]• R?Sociatant with him. rendered it necessary that the founder o f this institution should provide a place on a grand and couttnedtons 4za1e for their entertainment and comfort, ADVANTAGES OF4"EIREi►..-'yin: 1nvuli4s' hotel Taster complete Jo it. appointments aointments than any gst lar Intutfon to :lee world. The bnll'11ag is located 10 nue of the most healthful and acsiraldv_porttons of thet,'itg°grair, ia1o,andcon)roan•tsannevi eneluti ye, bele,'�iagarn tippy, apd tmae eurrouueing COuntty. being b4euuted to the midst of as est0,Lre 4y4ttw 4f 0tautlful parks. The Iioel is famished with r jl in and Mom the passenger elevator, 5oors; Is provided patientsey * letod. of approved e[ar]ls, and 404 also enatpreteik w tteo It . well .ttnpotated RYmansh4m and bowltt!g talky to sudor ill r41e:044 of eKercioe e rflturi4 D15a .14 9 uf.all Nana, whether requir- ing equlr.111 ` torillcitl, surgical, or Meeh*meal. tr4ntalent, eo40t within the ?chilies of neer several aprctaltter. DISEASES 0r WOMEN, -Especially are the Dent. 'its at (Itis Marntary of a 404►* rlor coley a* regards the remedial means and appliances for the sure of all those rheums ttlseasrs pectiltar to females. The eeuplofinent, 1n moderation, of Unit,. chemical, (]spent-thennae, and other approved baths, le 10 many eases an invaluable auxiliary to the remedial r0eall01 to wialch we resort in such casts. Dry friction to the surface. general shnlnPuoing, Swedish move• meta% and lightcalhthenle exertt5t•, to enliven and 04(0 )lze rpt' clrcal404 0 of lie blood to the 8:41040 ro leve con�rrated 1411, improve dio strait. ani Alicu4th4n tlu: muc*I *, rr4utIWC h pori.ant beneflcmal nettles 1u all eases to which these means arc aptdlca ha% No experhneldlyg 12 resorted to iu rite not.. meat. The most approved nateetnea 41te eart•(eity emploied, null the jedlelous regu,atfott of the dirt, to Suit the condttlea of the patient. the thorough Yea• tlla4tlou of the steeping apartment. the cheering to - Malice of musty. social intercourse, hurocent i;ames for amusement, and all those ag4'aele wblch tend to arouse the ]orad of the patient (rout despondency, sod sous promote recovery, are not neglected- lmtlyers ni8E Etie-Paralyels. Y.ptlep_ sY halts], **.tons. recelv}elineaa tteiu4k'n oan erf eIn 4i+ ere. *laity, by which the greatest Alit Is attained and the ALMA loopy resultssecttredt l:Ethll ntsgit ys.-Tids dlvislon of the practice tet thy 5o5(114' 111(11 1* very ably managed by a gen. t 4 4c,,l' Teem, of *attar' judgment and sitilt 15 t tali '1'ttrnat, and band; �t!cea54'N awn retry t,tr«t�l>; termed in this department, and with rfsnit414141414 h;tre 44412 highly gr,,etnbIg to both pnlnt:tau anti patiruts, ETi. AND EAId..-.Spat It atteutivn Is given to the delicate oper*1* Rua Olt the eye toad ear, a dilate- relished oculist awl *twist being under met-0,4404at to comtuct 5414 branch of the practice. Iavxlld* arriving In the city ani, desiring to cora, atilt tau stou[4 con.e directly to tete 1104eL It Is easel 414cessibte by earrirt4-e.enmities, or slyer care. *1I1- ZEirS litntlltaun Agents. on all I4,404nt4S trains, can be rcltea upon to deliver fencen4ers and baggage With � and 3uralida'I1 � 1,Battle, VST rid a ill3petr OUT -DOOR SPORTS. The season 1205 now arrived when out -floor sports are apropos. The eat- ©rpiller has left his den, the mosquito 11878) 3 PIN (1878 THE OLD RELIABLE Ho USE At all timed, and particularly at a period when Trado is universally depressed and, money! scarce. It is in the interest of every buyer to. purchase where be can get the article he wants at the lowest rate, In palling your attention to my present stock, I do s0 with every con$d- since? it being more carefully assortea mud selected than that of any previous season. In the Dry Goods Every department is replete with the most seasonable and fashionable fabrics, narked at prices which eltoa d command the attention of the eery closest ]layers. TETE ORDEBZD oLonnNe still has MR. W, IVES at it4.head One of the leading lawn sports is called. "Push and Cut." It is played with a machine called a lawn mower. These machines are neatly put up, beautifillly painted. and will make a racket in any climate. The player Seizes them by a very convenient handle and pushes them toward the gra'es on a trot. The game is to fired an old hoop -skirt, paint -keg, oyster can or catsup -bottle in the grass. After two or three lessons the player will be amazed at his good luck in finding these tidings and making; tally -marks. Some players take afiyingleap over the machine when it strikes an old beef - bone in the grass, lent the rules of the game are liberal in this respect. The player can, if be prefers, rul,h against the handle and knock a corner off his chin t.r bang his chest -bone back into a corder. Another interesting game is played as follows : At the supper table the wife remarks : "James, I want ten dollars to fix np my slimmer silk. Don't go away with - eat leaving it." James makes no reply, but manages to slip out unseen. Ho is stealing softly across the lawn to jump over the fence at the corner, when his wife comes rushing out and exclaims : "James 1 James ! See here ? ' He begins to squint iuto a cherry tree and talk about meths. "You walk back here and hand over that cash or I'll send for my mother to Game and stay all summer 1" According to the rules of the game HENDERSON & .BUCHANNAN he turtle and loops at her and mutters I Late A. Chis hit t� Cu. A COMPLET TOCK OF HONEST GOODS A HONEST RICES.. her $20 Re $10, he wins the game.. Another out door game is played b, - Remember --Sign: of Striking Clock, tueen ten o'clock in. the evening and 142, Duna .Street, midnight, in order to avoid the heat of L 0' N 0 N. tbe4< sun. tt •i5 played altogether. by'� Onoomitosain CHISHOLM'S lie STAND L0NInN THE OLD RELIABIE HOUSE FOR GENERATeDRY G DS, MILLINE r & MANTLES. HEN'S CLOTHn: TO ORDER, 0 READY -IAD E. to himself: "Than wilts me!" "The idea of your elrn,itfng off like that 1" she continues, when he adven (tett; hands ont the "X," and if he can convince her that he had Rs soon give security and despatch In Millinery Underthe management of Miss 1lfcGloghlon, we can exit the most fastidious. Our stock o Groceries, Boots and Shoes, Canadian, English and American Shelf and Heavy Hardware one of tuff largest and best assorted in. the County. Intending purehasere will consult their best interests by examining mystock before going elsewhere. .JAMES PICKARD THE TV ARKET QUESTION• ISAAC C A LING. Beiug now in receipt of alarge stock of dry Goods, Groceries, Wines and Liquors, Crockery, :oto., At his Store, Mair Street, Exeter, which will be sold at LOWEST MARGIN ON COST The inhabitants of Exeter and vicinity need not feel troubled ;l at the want of a market wherewith to make money, but call at the store of the subscriber and SECURE 'THE BARGAINS there to he had in Overcoat n , 'nil -cloths, Broad -cloth Doe skills, Silks, \ iuceys, Delaiues, and ev erycrtiug. uaedecl in the Dry Goods line. The grocery Department is Colnplete. Au inspection invited No trouble to show goons ISAAC CARLING, .-•""""`-... CURES DISEASES of THE!""'"`... THROMMLUNGS,LIVER_ BLOOf In the wonderful medicine to which the afflicted are above directed for relief, the discoverer be-* Heves he has combined in harmony more of lea - tare's sovereign curative properties, which God has instilled into the vegetable king4lom or heal- ing the sick, than were oyer before. combined in one medicine. The evidence of this fact is found in the great variety of mostobstinate emiseases which it has been found to conquer. In the cure of Bronchitis, Severe Goa lea, and the early stages of Consumption, .gram astonished the medical faculty, and eminent physicians pro- nounce it the greatest medical discovery of the age. While it cures the severest Coughs, it strengthens the system end purifies the blood. By its great and thorough blood -purify- ing properties, it mares all Hu mors, from the worst Scrofula to a common blotch*i Pim- Ple. or Ernptio n. Mercurial disease. se. Dimers] tli,nna, aria] their effects, are eradicated, and vigorous health and a sound constitution estab- lished. Erysipelas. Salt -rheum, Fever Sores, scaly or Bought Skin, in short. all the numerous diseases caused by had blood. are conquered by this powerful, purifying, suet in- vigorating medicine. If you feel 41111, drowsy, debilitated, have sallow color of skin, or yellowish brown spots on face or body, !reit stmt headache or 4! izz r ne-s. bail taste in mouth, !memsl beat or chills alternated with hot flushes, low spirits, and gloomy forebodings. ir- regular appetite, and tongue coaled. you are suffering from Torpid Liver, or „ 8, mons - nese.), 1n many ceases of "Liver Com. plaint "r only part of these Sy oiplO1lS are ex- peucneed. 1.8 a remedy for all 121042 cases, Dr. Pier ce s Golden Medical Discovery rn hap no equal, as it effects ]perfect cures, leaving the liver strengthened and 110..lthx. SOLD 8Y DRUGGISTS AT $1 PER BOTTLE. !'repaa•e,i pv R. V. PIEiR(IE. Irl. In., Sole 1'' • v.•... a: the R'Ott1:11'. 111,-or,`a 1111. • MUSIC HALL A N D owing '' aching Emporium PIAN C: Organs, &C. China ware MR. E. DREW wouldannounce to the public that he has opened out a lfuaie Store and SowingMachine Emporium, IN DB +`W'S BLOCK, where he will have constantly on hand a full assortment of PIANOS, O11GANS AND JSIOSICAI, IN STRil,1IENTS of all kinds, as well as a choice variety of Glassware, I)elf and China ware, marked at lowest ileums. An efficient Music T441012er on hung, whose services may be bad at 411elowest rated ItM. Instrnme'.ts and Sewing Machines promptly repelled. E. DIlEW, N.B.-ilrew's Hall, above the Music Store, to rent for public entertainments. C;rO TO R. & E. SPICER'S -FOR— GROCERIES Always New and Fresh. FLOUR, FEED, AND PROVISIONS, EARTHENWARE, GOAL OIL Soap Give Away -21 Bars for One Dollar.— Good ollar.Good Vinegar. 20e. per Gallon, Choice Syrups. Market. Baskets—cheap. N, B. Don't forget the place -R. E, Spi- cer's, opposite Mr. E. C hristie's Hotel. Produce taken in exohangefor goods. R. &E SPICER JUST RECEIVED AT THE EXETER Grocery and Lic'uor Store A large stook of Green, Japan, Young Hyson and Black Teas, Raisins. Currants, ' Prunes Mari) Apples , Calcined FRUIT, Sardines, Lobsters, Salmon Bitter Sauce and Pickles, Brandies, Gins, Wines and Syrup Rye, Malt, Scotch, Irish and Common Whiskies, Tobaccos and Cigars, Wliolesa: e and Retail. G. A. MACE, Main Street, Exeter. l'