HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Exeter Times, 1878-1-3, Page 8a
TEM Li .t, ins.
WIT AND HUMOR. ARRCHIBALD AND VTR BABY.
"Men who have ,risen." -Aeronauts. Mrs. Oxtoby went shopping yester-
The first signs of a moustache racer dap and, left her baby with Mrs. Archi-
bald to be takers care of, and it was
a little down on the mouth.
Most of the Cossack lancers are pro-
nounced spearituslists.
The first animals thatcame out oilier
ark were tt pair of calves. They were
on Noah's legs. response of au intelligible character,
"If it weren't for hope the heart and 1Ieiuy sat dawn and stared at it•
wonlai bl+eak," as the old lady said "I3abys is queer things now ain't
when she buried her seventh husband. 3 they +? Just see that young imbecile
C tISHOLM'S OLD STAND.
LONDON
THE OLD RELIABLE ,HOUSE FOR
sitting on the floor very happy, with
playing galore, when Henry Dame in. GENERAL DRY GOODS,
'Hello! ole gal, got a raise have yon? MILLINERY & S1IA T.LES.
Phweet 1 Phweei, I i say young fellow
horn's your colic ?' The baby made no
Rowland Hill said, when he saw a
boy on a rocking -horse. "Like some
Christians, motion enough, but not
much prcgress.
Weary person on evening visit :
"Aw, 'm just out of a eiek bed."
Terrible boy : "Say. Mrs. Johnston,
what ailed your bed 2"
District visitor (blandly) "Well,
Dame, how do you tinge things now ?
C;ruety old cottager : "How do I find
things ? Why, by looltiag arter 'em to
be sure."
"Captain," said a son or Erin, as a
ship was nearing the coast in bedeu-
ant weather "have ye an alnlenik ou•
board 2" "'No, 1 haven't." "Then be
jabors, we shall have to take the
wt:al,ber as it comes."
We have done some awful lneau he reached it n Handful half of whicu a
things in our life, but we were never rmtntdiately spread on the blend and
mcau enough to hurt the feelings of molasses and the rest it stuck around
three women walking abreast on the its moth and smiled through the ad -
cresting, by saltine off in the tnutl. ornmeut like a c+lel;eye parrot with the
There's somethig human left client deliriumtreluens, but it was dreadfully
trying to chew the potato masher.
Now he's taking a taste of the stove
lifter. That's a fine old moustache
you've made aoross your mug, now
ain't it. Gosh! hello ! I here old WO -
man, quick. This young uu`s swal-
lowed half of the poker."
Henry rescued the poker, and in do-
ing eo upset toe baby's temper. The
back of its head was bumped and it
howled and henry got a thirty -via;
pound love pat alongside the ear and
the baby was uubended again and,
the kinks taken out of its temper with ,
a poultice of bread and malasees, so ? Ilemell:tas'r-- 1;111 r r the �Stril ial;1
quick that the old man thought he had
got into a Imam -dog top factory. Then 142, Nodes Street,
IIenrylet the baby alone ana looked at L 0 N D 0 N.
the old woman picking chickens. The
baby wanted some of the feathers, and
MIEN'S ueLOTHING TO ORDER,
OR
READY-MADE.
ENDERSON & BUCHANNAN
Late J. Chisholm & Cu.
A COMPLETE STOCK OF
HONEST GOODS
AT
HONEST PRICES.
NEW ADVERTIS.SI.IENTS.
id®Cartes. 25 styles, 13c. ; 3Q elegant cards, no
aiike.l0o•, with name. Secombe& co.,Eiuder
hook, N. Y.
Q�t ExxnA 'j .r '.fl' :L CAnns, with n. u c 10
eta., past iraid. I+,JANE s & Co. Tassau,
$25
ston,biassA. DAX TO A(X1'\TS. 1080 Saiuples
Bo
wor,th WY
*330 sent free. W. A. Cosieaxv,
OAelegant cards. pot8 alike, with mine, 10c
po t rat( C. B. Havens, Summit. setae, coma
2 a� lane} cards, snowflake, Pnmash, eto not d,
L;5aU e,'wttll name, 10e. Nassat;aard,Co.Nassau
N. Y.
ad"
to agents. Full particulars free,
Ruekeye:uanufacturing co.. Marion O.
CONFIDENTIAL notices to agents. lover -Organs
36 stops. .1;120, 13,50612, .8:,,9,•560. Pianos yet ail
trice, :6,50. only aL36. cannel F. Beatty, a1'aali
ington >r J.
Work For Ail
In their own ioealit'es canvassing for than Fire-
side Visitor, "enlargetll tit et Ms curlWnthlv.-
I.arg st paper in She wort,a., with Mammoth
Cliro"wastiee. Addres 1' it VICKERY, Augu-ta
Maine.
J AN VARY 3, I'
Immortant to Ptter
OneG=oodActlae't.;• ru omit) ow,
shirt to introduce a .,, • .0 i71"1 r R WORN-
Ell.
kORN-
El . Sanple 34.:• i ,•"ts. 1'rie
:i..,5.00.. e?.Q0 and .: s.uo ea ,l•• 7,1tAion to beer)),
in the DOniiuion. Itpy1, Jurt, wiil. stamp, fo
eutsoircula:, to tea,0 •
VICTOR wi+x' .ir s CO.
jut.a7rviLLE.ON
a
THE FAL[..Ned \ -l.NTER. TRADE.
0.4 507a
TAILORS aite. CLIffraVIRR,
Takepie:s a t:,,.s 5.,rni+ , a tl .•ruts ofEret0
cad surrnu ..ls a ar, l::ey have jus
OVA 4 -.t .:.P sse tinentof
Tweet:;, 4.'-, eta ;;e.g, 1tatiatgs etc.,
Di thelatest flitteiiisatid feel assureel
that ha tee an 44 0 ,' n they eau suit tbe-
.:.-tfaa�tC.�.::� testes.
A untrilk.r . t 1.ntlivEtr g' ' wing machines
wilsbe soil at c3 ° : c, ! to e:leao 4.4 stock,
arwatrded oisl,Tt ooi:o Anmu j, cat orttra Std 41:1131\(;::::0,07,
l.tl "j": '
Fair, Vienna. Also, lei, hss5 at centerasial. , a� f
I,aara at prime in Canada Send for test C.:04-4
ms , .b 1 { a.
• et X+iandw acid groans. f'r , i u
ip 8 Adelaide St. zest, TORONTO.
CZ NORRIS & SOPER.
The subseril,i to it,g ins bi
AGENTS
,.` 'T
Wits of t tnttali. . lrrvr^,alingtow nmixing
and villages that ':re4'to cor,raetfor
White o WANTED
1 was,-PICltiING,
(successors to G. D. Smith)
Nave Just Ileoe ,'CT'o&,
AND ARE SELLING
us if we are iu the uewspeper bnislne=;s. happy. Then it put some feathers in - •. gj •�
lI 1 "'!it 14 cheaper than kerosene . �� ��R��Q�� ^ �o�
uou ig '+ .1 a its mouth and rubbed the bread and C. ><. ► Q1'
light, bat yon can't take It into a par. molasses over its bald head, and cooed � for �t�.
lor, and sot it all the centre. table, and l lace a two week's olid wife, and next it 35c. 8.T
tarn it duayu, so it w:11 never bel turned purple all over and sgairmed
brou!;bt, to any poetical use, unless it till its face looked like an old gum 30c. Dress Goods for 20o.
may be to show the pathway to a lien- boot that bad just be= eating green
house.
A lawyer and &lister were both in-
debted to their laandledy, and were too
poor to pay. 'X'bey determined upon
the following plan of cancelling the
debts :-The lawyer married the lady
and the minister performed the cere-
mony.
A German,
who was asked if lager
er
beer was intoxicating, replied: "Voll,
I drink., from seventy to eighty, glasses
a Clay, and 1 feel straight in my upper
story for any day of beesnass, but I
can't tell vat it could do mit mon vat
snakes a swill tub mit Himself.
"What do you charge fora quart of
your milk here ?" asked a man,
as he put his head in the door of a
milk shop. "Eight cents," was the
reply. "Mutt you got any for seven ?"
"No," said the proprietor; "but," he
added, "we can make some."
An old citizenin a country village
being asked for a subscription towards 1
revering the fence of a graveyard, de-
ciined, saying. "1 snbeoribed towards,
impr(,vin' that buryiu' ground nigh on
to forty years ago, and my family ain't
hal] no benefit from it yet."
It is wonderful how fascinating the
simple net of walking may become.
This is even so ; we have seen a fellow
stand and took after another fellow
walking off with his girl, fascinated to
that degree that his head was twisted
clear round on his shoulders, and he
bad the lost appearance of a man who
bad got into his clothes wrong side
foremost.
Old Smashpies was at the dog show
yesterday. "Did you ever notice how
a black dog changes color when he gets
sick ?" quoth the old man to Starlight.
"Never," replied the young man, "and
I don't believe it uther 1" "Foot,"
whispered the sage. "he becomes pnrp-
i11, right away I" And they moved on
in silence. -Philadelphia Bulletin.
persimneons.
'I ttou't believe this young one likes
feathers along with its grub,' said
Homy, reductively, and Mrs. A. turned:
arooud on him like a volcano that was
sick at the stomach.
'Oh I you w -r -e -t -c -h,' end he was
not sure whether she hit him on the
ear or top of the Bead first, as it was
dodo so quick. Then she graabbeti up
the incipient Oxtaby, anal ran her
lingers down its throat as though it
war a stocking, and she wanted to turn
it iil-ide out.
'There,' she exclaimed, as elle held
up three feathers and waved them I
momtehagly before her bosom lord.
'See that what you have done. Icor
half of nothing at all I'ti tall'n ram
1
them down your fool throat. Here,
see if you can hold this child a minute
without killing it till I get a towel."
aCkl 011go!
d the
Aud she plumps young g one on hie
knee and went up stairs.
Baby cooed and kicked, and got ]sold
of Henry's finger, which itinspected
with great care, end then put it in its
mouth. Tlltn henry ripped out a
signal of distress that scared the baby
as stiff as a telegraph pole.
'Quit hoileriu' at that child that
way,' shouted Airs. A from up stairs.
'Do you want to scarce it to death ?'
'Soars thunder! It's me that's a
soarin', 'Spose I want my fingers tak-
en for liver puddin and eat by'a can.
uibel baby 2'
Then ho added to the child ; 'Here
old fellow ; I'll give you some}sling to
chew on. Pussy, pussy, pussy,' diad as
be lifted the cat o:i his tan, the young
one grabbed its tail, inserted it in its
mouth and shut down on it. The eat
swore and spit and suuk about twenty
claws at once into Henry's leg.
,O -u -c -h 1 Bloody murder 1 1 Take
him off.' and as the agonized man
leaped to his feet he shot the baby in-
to the eoal scuttle and kicked the cat
square over to the other side of the
stove into the buckwheat cake batter.
He had just opened his mouth for a
wholeeale swear, when he got a glim-
mer of Airs. A. descending on him like
the day of wrath, so be shot out of the
front door, forgetting that the landlord
had taken away the steps t;, paint
thein, and got through falling when be
jammed his bald head against a board
fence on the other side of the street, in
a way that made his skull flop up and
down like a goose half-sole in the mud.
When a neighbor came along and
set him against the fence, hie right
hand fumb1Jd around - his head in a
dazed kind of a way, and he smiled va-
cantly up into his friend's face.
A story is told of two New England
.deacons, between whom a bitter feud
had long existed concerning some con-
tested point. Neither would yield and
the matter threatened to be handed
down to the next generation, when one
day Deacon Smith appealed before his
old enemy, and solemnly said: ••Broth-
er Jones, it is a shame this quarrel of
ours should bring scandal upon the
church. 1 have prayed earnestly for
guidance in the matter, and have come
to the conclusion that you most give
in -for I cannot,"
A countryman, whose most striking
articles of apparel were a bMver of the
rebellion decade and a reel knitted tip-
pet tied around his neck, got up on a
bench at the baby show yesterday, and
between the crowing and the crying
he caught the breath of silenoe and
asked, "Ladies and gentlemen, why is
a -when is a fiowerist like a wise
child ?" "I think, perhaps, said a
maiden lady, "it's when he goes to
bed early." "No 1" exclaimed the
questioner. triumphantly. "When he
re,poises early and roses late " suggest-
ed a bright young man. "Nab t no -
thin' like it I said the conundrum
hnxter, 'Then they all gave it up, and
the man in the regi tippet shouted,:
"Ndw listen, and I'll tell •you. A
fioweriat is like a wise child when,he
noses his own' poppy." And the
answer was reoeived by ,choruses of in.
dignant soreanns from the oiroumam-
bient ehestra.-Vere York. Graphic.
12ea., Iso., and 20o..:)TRESS GOODS
for 10 and 1'2e.
All Wool Fine SCOTCH TWEEDS
for 75o., worth $1.251.
Heavy SATINETT for griets. per yard.
18 yds. of WINCEY for $1.
Au established maxim among, business
men is
"rite nearer the .,71(tttrxtactttrer
the closer free prfees."
We stand alongeilo of him, being part of is
Wbolcaale Finn.
WHITE & CO.,
YORKSHIRE
A new Riddle Answer. -"See here,
Parker, what's the difference between
a ripe watermelon and a rotten cab-
bage ?" asked one letter -carrier to an-
other the other day. "You've got me
there, I don't know," he returned, with
a look more puzzled than an illiterate
man at a cross-roads' guide -board.
"Then you'd be a mighty nice man to
send for a watermelon,- you would," re-
marked the quizzes as he moved on.
HEN BALL
G, & J. PEP=
Are prepared to pay the highest
price in CASH for any
quantity of Hogs,dead
alive
Any quantity of
PORK CUTTINGS
constantly on hand
ICY Si A
Wholesale and Retail.
All orders for cured meat
promptly attended to
DISSOLUTION OF. PARTNER-
e131P.-2:otico is hereby given thatothe
Partnership heretofore existing between us the
unde.•sigued under the style ax.d firm of shelton
& Hill is this day dissolved by ,nutna7 consent.
The debts due the said firm will be collected and
the Liabilitiespaid by JOSEPH H. SHELTON, Who
will continue the business as heretofore in the
old stand. JO,I;PH H. sHELTODT, 11
JAMES -DLL.
A. A. HOIS]ill'SB, Witness.
Orediton, Nov. 26, 1877.
O'BYRNE & CO.'S ADVERTISEMENT.
Saws,
Chains,
FOR I'ARTItT .5135 ADDRESS
WILSON SWUM; itai It AC H Nl•: COMPANY.
82O Broadway, N. Y. City ;
Chicago, I11.; New Orleans, La.;
Or San Francisco, Cal.
$2e5
S.rAFETY IN STaICIT OPZRATION
t 2 5,gtionOaI+.rShoit,De December
M A.B,GIN and. PRIVILEGE
Se 50 LOFTS 41 N
iu three drys Si.
!