Times Advocate, 1994-8-24, Page 17ft. 71: •:,' I .t,: 4%::.►
•
<<‘-e,r•
::
Frenchman's Inn
Restaurant
Everyday, to 6:3o p.m.
Complete Dinner
$ 16.95
Exeter 235-2008
Helping children fac� the fears and
guilt of parental divorce and separation
Rainbows for All children is a new program coming to Exeter this fall to help children
confront the feelings of their small worlds failing apart when parents split up
By Adrian Harte
T -A Editor
EXETER - A mother watches her child laugh and
play with friends in the back yard. After several
months of separation from her husband, and a dif-
ficult divorce ahead, she decides it hasn't been as hard
on the children as she thought. They don't really un-
derstand it all, and it doesn't seem to bother them
much.
That - warns Dorothy Chapman - is a mistake par-
ents should be careful not to make. Just because chil-
dren are unable to express their,fears and guilt about
family breakups, doesn't mean they
aren't deeply troubled by what is go-
ing on around them.
Chapman is bringing a new pro-
gram to Exeter this fall. Called
Rainbows for All Children, it is a
peer support program to help with
the emotional needs of children faced with parental
separation, divorce, or even the death of a parent.
"I think there's a real need for this," said Chapman.
"We have more and more children going through
family breakup of one kind or another...or ex-
periencing some kind of family loss."
Adults mistakenly see the children continuing with
their routines or play and believe "they'll get over it in
a hurry".
"The thing is, they don't," said Chapman.
Children often feel responsible for family breakups.
They overhear arguments about them, and harbour
guilty feelings about mistakes they might have made,
and believe they are the cause of the troubles.
Chapman says they often ask themselves "What
else could I have done so their d still be with us?"
Because the' amt( untt is a`child S. basis for seEur=
ity, they also foster hopes their parents will soon get
back together. Being able to understand there is more
to a family than just two parents, and that Mommy
and Daddy will probably never be together again is a
hard step for a child to make.
Chapman suggests traumatic family breakups can
lead to later problems. As children they can exhibit
aggressive behavior on the playground, or otherwise
be completely withdrawn.
"Those are all signs a child needs help," said Chap-
man.
As adults in later life, they may tend to be pos-
sessive, and display a lack of trust of others and re-
lationships.
Rainbows for All Children put six adults through a
training program on Sunday at the Exeter Youth Cen-
tre. The goal is to have a Rainbows program in place,
at least in Exeter, by this fall.
Children registered with the program will be di -
f
RAIN
vided up, by age, into groups of no more than five to
meet with a facilitator for 40 minutes a week.
"The whole purpose of this is to have a caring adult
who will work through their sharing," said Chapman.
The program also stresses confidentiality, both for the
children and the facilitators. The children will be cau-
tioned not to divulge what they hear at their weekly ses-
sions to their friends or family, but it is important for
them to realize other children are going through the
same things they are.
"In sharing their feelings they begin to realize this is a
natural process," said Chapman.
Progress of the children through
their problems will also be monitored.
"If at some point we feel the child
needs counselling beyond that, we
will certainly recommend it," said
Chapman.
Rainbows for All Children is rec-
ommended by Chapman for all children affected by
family breakup, as most will be affected by some feel-
ings of loss and guilt. A child who loses a parent to
death will have some of those same feelings as well.
"Loss is Ioss...you still go through all the steps of
grievittt that loss," said Chapman.
The program has specific steps to help the children
deal with their loss, and to confront their hidden feel-
ings, and eventually accept that their lives will turn out
okay after all. Developed by an American single moth-
er a few years ago, this is the same program Chapman
took to Belarus last year to help with children still suf-
fering the aftermath of the Chernobyl nuclear explostek
"It is one of the programs we took to Belarus, and >4
was fantastic," she said of its results with children either,
faced with the death of a eat tp radiation, or faced`
'IjdiifttbtiiI,i" ''"""".
Although Rainbows will almost definitely be offered ,
at Exeter Public School this fall, either in the evenings
or just after school, Chapman said she hopes it can be
extended to outlying communities as well where there is
a need for it. She said interested parents can contact her
at 235-1644, or contact Beth Ronson at 235-3323.
The six facilitators trained for the program were all
chosen for their work with children before. A big part
of the program, said Chapman, is for the children to be-
come comfortable with each other so they can begin to
examine and express their own feelings. The facilitators
have to create an environnient, through games and ex-
ercises, where that is possible.
Eventually, said Chapman, the children will learn to
accept their fears and feelings of loss, and find a way to
progress beyond them.
"It's okay to get angry; it's okay to cry; it's okay to feel
guilty - but don't get stuck there," explained Chapman.
BO
OWS1�-
• White sets
• Coloured Sets
• Wicker rockers
• Vanity and stool sets
• Desk and Chair seta
• Coffee tables
• Laundry hampers
• Pet Baskets
WICKER ROCKING
CHAIR bcltid 9cushlont
Only
$129.89
01 those who took part in
Sunday's training session,
several will be helping set up
the program in the Exeter
area. Above, in front are Hel-
en Denomme (left), and Ann
944erN9jt"Ignii—startiling -{from
left) are Jay Skillender, Dor-
othy Chapman, Marylin Wal-
deck, Bill VanWeiren, Helen
Hodgins, and at right is Brian
Taylor, representing the Exet-
er Optimists who are funding
the local program.
At left, Doris Noble bf London
conducted the Rainbows for
All Children session on Sun-
day at the Lions Youth Cen-
tre, bringing the program to
the Exeter area.
JOHN DEERE 01
CUB CADET 902 CUB CADET 800
11 ck, speed '1195 19 a ' t� ' =4495 H Kohler. s. $1495
FOND LTTE
34•.tnot. eteg show thrower. 8695
Very dun. 9Q"dsd s
INT. 392
11 h.p. with 3W '995
mower desk
1904
ARCtIC CAT
THUNDERCAT
900 cc of power. 1
season old. Very fast
$8495
8 h.p. with 36"
mower deck
INT. 282
'695
CALL DARRELL TODAY
BECK ER
�� ,t 1 1
Product Inc.
600 Main Street, South,
Exeter, Ontario. NOM IS 1
Ph' (519) 2352.1 57
Fax: (519) 135-4067