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HomeMy WebLinkAboutTimes Advocate, 1995-12-28, Page 4viiia Page 4 Times -Advocate, December 28, 1995 Publisher & Editor: Jim Beckett Business Manager: Don Smith Production Manager: Deb Lord Advertising; Barb Consitt, Chad Eedy News; Heather Mir, Chris Skalkos, Ross Haugh, Brenda Burke Production; Alma Ballantyne, Mary McMurray, Barb Robertson Brenda Hern, Joyce Weber, Laurel Miner TransQortation: Al Flynn, Al Hodgert Front Office & Accounting; Elaine Pinder, Sue Rollings, Ruthanne Neg'i'n, Anita McDonald, Cassie Dalrymple The Exeter Times -Advocate is a member of a family of community newspapers .401A" providing news, advertising and information leadership • inion Publications Mail Registration Number 0386 SUBSCRIPTION RATES• CANADA Within 40 miles (65 km.) addressed to non letter carrier addresses $33.00 plus $2.31 0.11.T. Outside 40 miles (85 km.) or any letter carrier address 533.00 plus 530.00 (total 63.00) + 4.31 G.S.T. Outside Canada 599.00 plus 58.93 GST (Includes 588.40 postage) Published Each Wednesday Morning at 424 Main St., Exeter, Ontario, NOM 1S8 by 1.W. Eedy PubBastions Ltd. Telephone 1419-2361331 • Fax: 5192350768 4.1.1.11111011316138 After Christmas re -structuring he recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have elected to take the early reindeer retirement package has triggered a good deal of concern about whether they will be replaced, and about other restructuring decisions at the North Pole\ Streamlining was appropriate in view of the reality that the North Pole no longer dominates the season's gift distribution business. Home shopping channels and mail order catalogues have diminished Santa's market share and they would not sit idly by and permit further erosion of the profit picture. The reindeer downsizing was made pos- sible through the purchase of a late model Japanese sled for the CEO's annual trip. Improved productivity from Dasher and Dancer, who summered at the Harvard Business School, is anticipated and should take up the slack with no discernible loss of service. Reduction in reindeer will also lessen airborne environmental emissions for which the North Pole has been cited and received unfavorable press. I am pleased to inform you and yours that Rudolph's role will not be disturbed. Tradition still counts for something at the North Pole. Management denies, in the strongest possible language, the earlier leak that Rudolph's nose got that way not from the cold, but from substance abuse. Calling Rudolph "a lush who was into the auce and never did pull his share of the load" was an unfortunate comment, made by one of Santa's helpers and taken out of context at a time of year when he is known to be under executive stress. As a further restructuring, today's global challenges re- quire the North Pole to continue to look for better, more competitive steps. Effective immediately, the following economy measures are to take place in the "Twelve Days of Christmas" subsidiary: The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree never turned out to be the cash crop forecasted. It will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considera- ble savings in maintenance. The two turtle doves represent a redun- dance that is simply not cost effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned. The posi- tions are therefore eliminated. The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the French. The four calling birds were replaced by an automated mail system, with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked. The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors. Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative implica- tions for institutional investors. Diversification into other precious metals as well as a mix of T -Bills and high tech- , nology stocks appear to be in order. The six geese -a -laying constitutes a luxu- ry which can no longer be afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose per day is an example of the decline in productivity. Three geese will be let go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure by personnel will assure manage- ment that from now on every goose it gets will be a good one. Thd seven swans -a -swimming is obvious- ly a number chosen in better times. The function is primarily decorative. Mechani- cal swans are on order. The current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes and therefore enhance their outplacement. As you know, the eight maids -a -milking concept has been under heavy scrutiny by the EEOC. A male-female balance in the workforce is being sought. The more mili- tant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility. Automation of the pro- cess may permit the maids to try a- mending, a -mentoring or a -mulching. Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps. Ten Lords -a -leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords plus the expense of interna- tional air travel prompted the Compensation Committee to suggest replacing this group with ten out -of -work congressmen. While leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant because we ex- pect an oversupply of unemployed con- gressmen this year. Eleven pipers piping and twelve drum- mers drumming is a simple case of the band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a cutback on new music and no uni- forms will produce savings which will drop right down to the bottom line. We can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, animals and other ex- penses. Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop ship in one day, service levels will be improved. Re- garding the lawsuit filed by the attorney's association seeking expansion to include the legal profession ("thirteen lawyers -a - suing") is pending. Lastly, it is not beyond consideration that deeper cuts may be necessary in the future to stay competitive. Should that happen, the Board will request management to scruti- nize the Snow White Division to see if sev- en dwarfs is the right number. Happy Holi- days! Reprinted from Paul Carroll, Director, Huron County Board of Education TORONTO -- Prince Charles and Princess Diana can make spectacles of themselves forev- er baring their extra -marital affairs on TV, but Ontario's Progressive Conservatives still think there is a royal vote to be won. The Tories under Premier Mike Harris have quickly re- stored the right of police and police service boards to swear an oath of allegiance to the Queen, which the former New Democrat pre- mier, Bob Rae, abolished in 1991. Rae had brought in a requirement that po- lice and board members swear an oath to Cana- da instead of the Queen. The Tories will allow them to swear an oath either to Canada or to the Queen and Canada. Rae's change took note of changing times and dwindling support for the monarchy. New Democrats, who had never been in power before, mostly although by no means unanimously have little sympathy with the idea of swearing an oath of allegiance to a hereditary monarch living in another coun- try. But they normally steered clear of saying so, because a vocal minority still is fiercely supportive of the monarchy and there seemed no reason to offend it if it could be avoided. But with increasing immigration from oth- er parts of the world, about half of Ontario resi- dents now are of other than British heritage and many of them, as well as many of British de- scent, are not enamoured of the monar- chy. The issue was brought to a head for Rae because he had named a Canadian of Chinese ancestry, Susan Eng, as chair of the board over- seeing the Metropolitan Toronto Police and she wanted to take office without swearing the oath to the Queen. Tories more than other parties traditionally have supported the monar- chy and British connection and milked them for all the votes they are worth. William Davis, premier until 1985, talked about the monarchy as if the Tories invented it and the Tories con- tinued to give "British subjects" the special Your Views Letters to the editor Exeter Falcons thank citizens of Exeter The paper drive was a success thanks to the citizens of Exeter... Citizens of Exeter: We, the 1st Exeter Falcons would like to thank the citizens of Exeter for their support during the November 18th Paper Drive. It was very successful. It ended up saving 75 trees as truckloads of paper were collected. We would also like to thank the Exeter Times Ad- vocate and staff photographer, Chris Skalkos, for their coverage of the paper drive. The advertisement to help promote the upcoming paper drive and the coverage after greatly helped the scouting move- ment early in the year. Wg, would also like to thank you for the article written that helped promote scouting. We are always looking for new members to join our organization and we were able to recruit three Beaver leaders and start a colony of twelve Beavers this year. The paper drive was a success thanks to the sup- port of the citizens of Exeter and the Times Advo- cate. Without them, this project would have never got onto its feet. Sincerely, Gerry Guerts Secretary of 1st Exeter Venturers Hay Township Highlights for sale in January Please help contact the "missed" families/persons by sending their names and addresses... Dear Editor: Hay Township, Huron County, will be celebrating its sesquicentennial during 1996 using the "Hay Days '96" logo. An invitation is extended to all those with an interest or roots in the township to at- tend the planned festivities. A book detailing the township's 150 years of progress including its incorporation in 1846 and the purchase of an official Hay Township seal is aptly titled "Hay Township Highlights". Many township family histories have been included making this vol- ume a wonderful historical addition to any personal library. The book will be for sale in January. Any- one purchasing a copy will also receive a "Hay Days '96" Schedule of Events. We know there are many more people who should know about the festivities and are not on our mail- ing list. Please help us to contact these "missed" families/persons by sending us their names and ad- dresses. It would be unfortunate for those interested in attending to miss the wonderful events planned by the various committees. Two of the events in- clude the Levee on January 7, 1996 at the Hensall Community Centre in Hensall, and Homecoming Weekend, June 28 - July 1, 1996 in Zurich, Ontario. Thanks to those who have already responded and if you think of anyone else, please send their names and addresses to Dale and Maric Dignan, 19 Daniel Street, Ingersoll, Ont. N5C I X5. See you at the Hay Days '96 celebrations! Dale and Marie Dignan, Ingersoll, Ontario On behalf of the Invitation and Registration Com- mittee, Hay Days '96 Steering Committee. Changing times preference of being able to vote with Canadian citizens in provincial elections until the 1980s, long after federal governments restricted the vote to Canadian citizens. • The Tories under Harris acted as if stop- ping swearing an oath to the Queen was the end of the world. Supporters of keeping an oath to the Queen booed Rae and flew a plane over the legislature trailing a banner demanding he change his mind. Harris said he was outraged and deeply offended, and that "never in my 10 years' experience as a provincial representative have I seen such an outpouring of public emo- tion." The Tory opposition leader warned that the process of law enforcement would vir- tually come to a halt because, "if police are no longer sworn to serve the Crown, how can they act in the Crown's name?" Harris predicted that "we might be seeing criminals challenging the charges against them on the grounds that the arresting officer is not an agent of the Crown." Jim Wilson, now health minister, said he "shuddered to think of the great and far- reaching consequences this will have on all as- pects of our legal and legislative institutions." None of this happened, of course. Not swear- ing an oath to the Queen has had about as much effect on institutions as if the Speaker lost his three -cornered hat. Some progress has been made made in the whole episode. The Tories have acknowledged most Ontarians' feelings by keeping Rae's re- quirement that an oath be swom to Canada, al- though they provide the option of swearing an extra oath to the Queen. But it also seems merely a postponement of the day when police and all public servants swear an oath only to their country. Can anyone imagine them swear- ing an oath to King Charles? 4 4