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Times Advocate, 1995-03-29, Page 2Page 2 Times -Advocate, March 29,1995 IN THF. NF. W.S Farm families need to thrive, not just survive By Ross Haugh T -A Staff BRUSSELS - "Strong families are positive families. They should laugh, love and share to- gether." Those were the comments of Dr. Ron Hanson of the Universi- ty of Nebraska speaking in Brus- sels on March 22 to a workshop entitled, "How to thrive, not just survive, as a farm family." The workshop was sponsored jointly by the Huron Federation of Agriculture and the Huron Ru- ral Health Co-ordinating commit- tee. While stressing a focus on a 'team effort' approach to family farming, Dr. Hanson said, " The most important word of advice to share with family members farm- ing together is to remember that any successful family farming operation requires a team effort approach by each individual fam- ily member involved." "Each family member must have the same goal and desire to make that farming operation work as a family unit. This cer- tainly requires a little 'give and take' by each family member. The willingness to openly discuss individual feelings, needs, and expectations with each other is critical to the overall success of any family unit. There must be underlying commitment to get along and work together as a family. Having mutual respect for each other as a family mem- ber as well as the willingness to listen and understand the feelings of others is needed to achieve this team effort approach to fami- ly farming. The most importnat aspect of this team effort approach is that each individual family member feels important and a part of the family farming operation. No matter how large or even how small the actual contribution to the farming operation itself by each family member, each person needs to feel important and in- cluded within the family farm- • ing unit. Each individual family member must be given the opportunity for a degree of responsibility in the farm business and a chance to gain recognition for their efforts which contribute to the farm's overall success.. Relations in any family opera- tion suffer when one discovers that decisions are being made by others that affect their happiness and well-being, and they are not allowed to be a part or have a voice in those decisions. Suspi- cions and mistrust among family members quickly surface when this happens. This lack of trust breaks down communications between family members. Individuals withdraw and become reluctant to share their inner personal feelings with others. Once this trust between family members is destroyed, open and honest communications cease to occur. Misunderstandings quickly lead to conflicts among these fam- ily members ,fanning together. A family operation that ends up be- ing dissolved is often the result of the family trouble and personal conflicts between family members when they are not able -to get along and work together as a fami- ly unit. Building a feeling of family loy- alty and pride is important. This common bond of being a family working together to achieve the same goals provides the inner strength for a family to face the stress and pressures of farming it- self. Remembering that the family itself is a higher priority than the farming operation is a value that each family member needs to un- derstand. Many times in a family farming operation, the efforts and contri- butions of individual family,mem- hers are quite easily taken for granted. Too often the hectic pace, the burdensome workload , and the numerous stresses of the farm business prevent family members from expressing their actual feel- ings and need for each other. All too often individuals involved in a family farming operation (or even in a farm marriage) have the defi- nite feeling of being 'taken for granted' by others. It is not that these words of ap- preciation are not meant, but rather that they are often never ex- pressed or shared between family members farming together. Yet even simplest of expressions "I love you," I need you," or "I ap- preciate you" are often left unsaid between these family members. Sadly enough, these words are sometimes said too late and the other person is no longer there to hear them. A son or daughter farming with dad often feels that no matter how hard I try or how many hours I work, I never hear a word of ap- preciation or praise of what I have done well. But if I ever mess up or make a mistake, I will never hear the end of it. It is rather easy for one in this type of situation to become frustrated and even dis- couraged to the point of no longer trying to do their best. Some farm marriages can illus- trate the hurt from the lack of ap- preciation between spouses. A farm wife once shared 'if my hus- band just told me that he loved and cared about me, I would have stayed on that farm and found a way to have saved my marriage." Another wife wrote that "the only thing that my husband and I share together is our mailing address, and now I am going -to change that." With all the pressures and long working hours of farming itself, it is all too easy to take out this stress on those that we work with on a daily basis. I have often said that the best way to test the strength of a farm marriage is to let a husband and wife sort live- stock together on a hot summer day. Or the reaction when some- one brings home the wrong com- bine repair part or pulling a trac- tor out of the mud in the middle of a wet field. These situations can often test a farm marriage. It takes a real effort and commit- ment to express and shai person- al feelings between family mem- bers farming together. Everyone needs to know that someone else cares about them and worries about them. A few simple words of appreciation and love can make a dramatic difference in any farm family relationship. Too many times family mem- bers just assume that they will have more time to share and spend together next year. Or next time they will express their per- sonal feelings for that other per- son. But most families just never get a second chance. Initiating a more determined effort to spend more personal time together and to better communicate and share feelings with each other can be a positive step in building stronger and closer farm family rela- tionships." Hanson said there are two economic les- sons a farm wife learn. farm first and money for a new tractor and a new pickup truck come before non -income producing items like a new carpet and kitchen renova- tions. Next year. it will be a holi- day and those much needed reno- vations." "There is always competition between family members. Daughters farm better with fa- thers than sons do. The biggest complaint I hear is "We argue all has to "The comes the time and don't communicate". Their biggest problem is they are so busy talking and not listening." The speaker from Nebraska showed his favourite cartoon of a husband and wife in discussion. It said, " We are made for each oth- er. You don't like my moth- er and I don't like yours." About the role of wife in the farm busi- ness, Hanson said, " Get two sisters-in-law on the same farm and you have a cat fight. In one instance two brothers got along well until their wives got arguing. In one instance, the father built new homes for his newly married sons fairly close to- gether in fact the kitchen windows faced each other. The two girls didn't get along in high school and now married to brothers there was extra jealousy that one was doing less and getting more than the other. The father solved the problem "This common bond of being a family working together to achieve the same goals provides the inner strength for a family to face the stress and pressures of farming itself" by building a huge machinery shed 68 by 140 feet directly be- tween the two houses and then placed windbreaks all around the outside of the three building com- plex. The only way the two ladies could get to see each other was to go out of the yard and on to a road to reach the other house. The relationship got better." In summing up Hanson said, "There are nine rules to work to- wards a happy and successful family farm relationship. 1. Spend plenty of time together. 2. Get family members to commu- nicate and listen to each other. 3. Have a sense of commitment to each other. 4. Have a religious faith together as a family. 5. Know how to deal with a crisis. 6. Always focus on the positive elements even through difficult situations. 7. Have family members express appreciation towards each other. 8. Have fun together as a family. 9. Take the time to strengthen family ties and reaffirm their hopes and dreams. 10. Laugh, love and share togeth- er. Discussing family farm problems at Brussels on March 22 are from the left, Pat Down, Dr. Ron Hanson of the University of Nebraska, Bob Down and Sheryl Feagan, of the Huron Health Unit. Plans for new soccer fields are .put on hold LUCAN - Plans of the Lucan soccer club to expand their playing facili- ties to a property in Biddulph township have been delayed. Village council had earlier given tentative approval for the club to use some of the land owned by the village where the Lucan's sewage system treatment plant is located. Since that time, community centre board members have met with offi- cials of the soccer club and council representatives to discuss the matter. Because all of the accoutrement are at the community centre, this group decided it would make the most sense to have the soccer club's needs ac- commodated at the centre. The group will discuss again in the spring a suggestion that some prop- erty owned by Alan Scott near the community centre be obtained on a long term lease. In the meantime, the township of Biddulph has put a hold on any deci- sion to re -zone the land owned by the village of Lucan in the township. The Lucan figure skating club will host the 1997 Huron, Oxford, Mid- dlesex and Elgin (H.O.M.E.) skating competition and the community cen- tre board has agreed to reserve the entire arena and community centre fa- cilities for the last weekend in January of 1997. The Lucan Classics have donated $800 to be used towards payment of the Alumi-Zorb ceiling project. Dangers of drugs The Racing Against Drugs program was presented at McGillivray Central last Tuesday. The initiative strives to educate young people about the dangers of drug use and expose then to an exciting sport. Pictured from left to right are: Cody Van Massenhoven, Kerry Watson, Jerry Thompson and Drew Cunningham. Regional wrap up Landfill site subject of debate DUNGANNON - Approximately 70 people filled the Dungannon Senior Citizen Hall on Saturday to discuss site A3, near the Huron -Bruce boun- dary, as the potential landfill site for Huron County. The project has not received full approval but the parcel of land, owned by former warden Allan Gibson, is the single remaining site possible in Huron County. The meeting dissolved into hurled accusations, according the the Gode- rich Signal -Star. "Accusations of governmental indifference and evasions began to fly," reported the Signal -Star. Concerns about the site include water pollution and community disrup- tion. As a result of accusations, all the facts have not been revealed, fur- ther drilling tests will be done. As of December 1994, $950,000 has been spent in the search for a new landfill site. Huron has paid for approximately one half of that figure. A site is planned to be up and running by 1998. Drop-in centre hold car wash SEAFORTH - The Seaforth Youth Drop -In Centre Board held its first fundraiser Saturday. The car wash is hoped to raise money for the centre along with other initiatives planned in coming months. The centre already has a pool table and accessories donated by Neil Go- venlock, reported the Huron Expositor. Other fundraisers scheduled include teen dances, summer activities and a bake sale. The group is also hoping to assist with the town's upcoming Homecoming celebrations. Sunrise awarded contract CLINTON - A local company, Sunrise Sanitation, has won the garbage contract for a two-year period in Clinton. Clinton Council defeated two motions last Monday night before the ten- der from Sunrise was accepted, at a cost of S16,400 for one year plus GST. According to the Clinton News -Record, a town guideline states, " if a tender from a local business is within 10 per cent of the lowest tender, it will be considered." Rail bridge land plan dropped WINGHAM - Plans to develop the former CN rail bridge and land as a part of an entrance to Westcast entrance has been dismissed by council. Council rejected an offer by Westcast to purchase rail lands. As a result part of the auto parts firm's plans for building and landscape development have been dropped. Council did not want to set a poor precedent by selling the commercial property at less than true market value, reported the Wingham Advancc- Times. Westcast will to go ahead with plans for landscaping, paving and office additions without the bridge and rail land. They do not intend to pursue the matter further with council.