Loading...
HomeMy WebLinkAboutTimes-Advocate, 1984-04-04, Page 2Page 2 Times Advocate, April 4, 1984 Groupavailable to assist. paren, You noticed her eyes first. They were large and beautiful, with the hunted look of a trapped animal. When her turn came to speak, the words were flat, lifeless. "I'm afraid of my 17 -year- old son, Afraid to be alone with him. He's stealing from us, playing hookey, bombing out on all his subjects. His behaviour is causing marital problems. My husband and I are so burned out we don't know what to do." A distinguished -looking, ex- pensively dressed man spoke next. He was no longer afraid, he said, because "a year ago my teenage son might have taken me, but I've been work- ing out at Nautilus every other day, and he's wasted on drugs." The two were part of a group of parents sitting around a table in one of the classrooms at Lord Roberts School in London. They were attendingg.� their first Toughlovelneeting. Toughlove is for families being torn apart by the unac- ceptable behaviour of their children. It originated in the U.S., after police broke into the home of professional counsellors David and Phyllis York with a warrant for the arrest of the Yorks' 18 -year- old daughter on a charge of holding up a cocaine dealer with a sawed-off shotgun. The Yorks initiated an association of concerned parents banding together to force out -of -control youngsters to stop intolerable conduct such as stealing from their parents, taking the fami- ly car without permission, abusing drugs and alcohol, ly- ing, ignoring curfews, playing truant and subjecting other family members to verbal and/or physical abuse. Toughlove brings parents. together to share their pro- blems and provide mutual support for each other. People who have shared the same problems and triumphed over them give one another tremendous support. They say, "I did it; you can do it, too. I'll help show you how." One of the first things parents learn is to stop blam- ing themselves, each other, the school system, society or any other factor for their pre- sent predicament. Trying to pinpoint blame at this point is futile. The first priority is to change behaviour. Parents are encouraged to allow their children to ex- perience the consequences of their actions, to say "No" and stick with it. Parents must live by rules and laws. Toughlove shows them how to insist their children also live by certain rules as long as they are under the parental roof. Parents are advised to draw up a set of rules and warn the rebels of what to ex- pect if the rules are ignored. If one's child steals the car the parent reports the theft to the police. If the teenager is not home at the specified time, the parent is to put a note on the door saying ar- rangements have been made for the latecomer to spend the rest of the night with the Smiths or the Jones or some other member of Toughlove, then lock the house and go to bed. But not necessarily to sleep. Toughlove is so named because it is tough on the parents. The easy way is to take the path of least resistance, peace at any price, and let the children manipulate and control the parents. It's much more dif- ficult, and sometimes more inconvenient, to take a stand and stick with it. Toughlove is really old-fashioned discipline. The Toughlove concept spread quickly in the U.S. Toronto school counsellors Tom Elliott and his wife Jeri, a professor of social work at Ryerson Polytechnical In- stitute, read about the organization in an Ann Landers column and became the Canadian founders. More than 15,000 parents have already joined in this country. The London branch was begun two years ago by Eleanor Davis; problems with her drug -addicted teenager culminated in a pot party that ended up with the burning -down of her house and the loss of everything she owned. At a typical London meeting, Eleanor greets each person coming in, exchanging a few pleasantries and mak- ing each one feel comfortable. To begin, the large group is divided into smaller ones wlio gather in separate corners of the large classroom. Those who have been at previous meetings report on their pro- gress since the last time, and newcomers are given a sym- pathetic ear as they halting- ly confide some of their ex- periences with their uncon- trollable offspring. After about 20 minutes have elapsed and everyone who wishes to speak has been given the opportunity, the small groups againuniteinto one. Quoting from the Toughlove manual compiled by the Yorks, Eleanor told her au- dience at a recent meeting that parents have rights. They have the right to a night's sleep without being awakened by their child com- ing in drunk or stoned, or by an emergency phone call from police, hospitals, or stranded youngsters. Parents have the right to live in a clean house, to expect cooperation, courtesy and responsible behavour, the right to stop paying others' fines, the right to make changes in their own behaviour that the teenager won't like. Parents must impress on their children the fact "we love you, kid, but we don't like what you're doing," Eleanor said. What these young 'people are doing is destroying many of them. Eleanor cited some frightening statistics. An average of $135,000 worth of drugs per school per year is sold in Canada. The drug business is the third-largest in this country. Approximately 123,000 juveniles were charg- ed in 1983, and that's just the ones who were caught. One out of four Canadian youngsters uses illegal drugs; 1.3 million teenagers have a serious drinking problem; one million unwed young girls became pregnant last year, and 30,000 of them were under 15;, -suicide is the second leading cause of teenage 1 s with out -of -control children death in Canada- the rate has increased 124 percent over the last 25 years. Eleanor allowed time for these alarming facts to sink in, then each individual had time to speak again, to give what Toughlove calls "the bottom line." One couple reported their two sons had been off drugs for two months now, another father said his son had ripped the posted rules off the frig and the father had promptly written and posted another set which was still in place; he thought he had seen a glint of light at the end of the tunnel. One first-time attender con- fessed her daughter had been selling off possessions such as the converter for her personal colour TV, and had taken the family car without permis- sion twice although she had no driver's licence. Though the mother insisted the daughter was obtaining extra money solely to buy junk food, others in the group voic- ed their suspicions that maybe something more serious was involved. Others warned the distraught mother she could lose everything if the girl was in an accident and the parents were sued. They suggested she call the police if her daughter took the car again. By the woman's reactions it KATIMAVIK ARRIVALS — A new group of Katimavik students were officially welcomed to Exeter, Friday. Above, group leader Doug Speck and Martine Beaudoin and Michel Rivest are welcomed by Harry Stuart and Don Ap- pleby of ARC Industries, one of the area businesses involved in the Katimavik project. T -A photo 806001 fax is NUron up by 4.23 p�rcent The education tax on an average assessment of $3,110 in Huron County will increase by $18 or 4.23 percent. The Huron County Board of lydtteation approved a $37 million 1984 budget at its meeting; Monday. This is up about 5 percent from last years costs of $34 million. "To hold the expenditure portion of these estimates to 5 percent has taken a major effort by every segment of this board's operation. It is the lowest year over year in- crease we have experienced in many, many years," said Robert Allan, director of education. The 26 Huron County municipalities will share in paying over $12 million of the board's budget. The majority of the funding is from the province, through the Ministry of Education, and has only increased by 4.4 percent from last year for Huron County. ' Provincial grants are ex- pected to be over $22.7 million, up from $21.7 million in 1983. The rema tgder of the revenue of $1.5- million will come from tuitions paid by other county boards' of education and rentals, etc. On the expenditure side, the largest single cost is for salaries and benefits and totals $28.3 million, up from $26.7 million in 1983. Transportation costs have been estimated at $2.98 million, up from $2.78 million for 1983. General supplies and ser- vice costs are expected to cost $2.2 million. These costs total- ed $2 million in 1983. The operation and maintenance of all schools and the administration centre PIANO FROLICS — The Piano Frolics students of teacher Julie Easterbrook presented a recital at Exeter United Church, Wednesday night. Back, left with Mrs. Easterbrook are Kaisey Plumb, Jennifer McGee, Erin Bieman, Kristin Strang, Richelle Elder, Terri Lynn Elder and Sarah Leyes. Front, Shown McCurdy, Benji Parker, Matthew Nethercott, Michael Jones and Josh Watson. T -A photo ENROL NOW College opportunities still exist By enrolling now you can gain an advantage in many of our program areas. Openings are still available for the fall 1984 term...but only if you act quickly. This year, more than ever before, the demand for career -oriented courses of study is greater than the ability of most colleges to handle. So don't get left behind this fall. Act today. Apply today to register. Call this number for Program details: 519-542-7751 Ask for Information Centre t Among the programs with openings are: • Industrial Hygiene Technology • Instrumentation and Control Engineering Technology • Mechanical Drafting • Secretarial Arts • General Arts (for possible university entrance) • Art Fundamentals (one year) Lambton d, College Box 969, Sarnia, Ontario NTT 7K4 J The readers write For the past two years, I have been researching a book detailing the experiences of Canadians who served or worked in Southeast Asia dur ing the Vietnam Era. To date, i have confirmed several hundred Canadians who served with U.S., Australian and New Zealand Armed Forces in Vietnam as well as Canadian troops who served with the series of in- ternational Controls Commis- sions between 1954-73, Cana- dian journalists, doctors, nurses and others whose duties ranged from covert operations to rescuing orphans. I am appealing to your readers, who may have serv- ed or know someone who ctid, to contact.: Doug Clark, 7 Douglas Crescent, Fergus, Ontario NIM ICI 519-843-4019 is expected to cost $1.4 million, up from $1.3 million in 1.983. Debenture payments for the year are $636,000. These are the payments paid out by the board for the schools built in the late 1960s. These payments have declined from $1 million in 1979 to $673,000 last year. "The public should know that we have had commit- ment from the Board, com- mitment from all of the com- mittees, and commitment from trustees individually to bring in the expenditure estimated at a 5 percent in- crease. We hoe attempted to be a cost conscious ad- ministration and we take some modest credit for the fact that we finished 1983 hav- ing spent $390,963 less than the amount originally estimated," said Mr. Allan. Chairman Eugene Frayne said a very good job had been done on the budget this year. There was little discussion on the budget and Mr. Frayne said the board "thoroughly discussed" the budget at an in camera session prior to the open portion of the meeting. Trustee Tony McQuail add- ed that budget considerations were made at open commit- tee meetings such as educa- tion and management committees. The main reason for the decline in provincial dollars, said Allan, is because of the decline in student enrolment. He not l that the average daily enrolment in- Huron— County schools has declined by 1,341 students since 1979. The average daily enrolments for 1984 is expected to be 10,063 down 236 students from 10,299 last year. These figures, noted Allan, are what the ministry bases its grants on. "The public needs to have drawn to its attention again the fact that our teaching staff is being reduced to reflect the declining enrol- ment. You will recall that the teaching staff reduction was approximately 11 teachers," said Allan. WANT TO KNOW HOW TO LIE DOWN ON THE JOB? ,3- - BE A+ BLOOD DONOR was apparent she was not yet ready to apply what she ob- viously considered overly drastic measures. Eleanor made sure the woman was given the telephone number of another Toughlove member. She might need it before long. The formal meeting ended at 10:00 p.m. Some left im- mediately, others helped themselves to a cup of coffee and remained to socialize for awhile. The London group was typical of Toughlove chapters - school principal, truck driver, Ford Worker, secretary, nurse, businesswoman - you name the occupation and it was like- ly represented. No social class has a monopoly on or immunity to out -of -control children. The problem crosses all boundaries. Misbehaving children range in age from preteens to the 56 -year -old -son of a man in his late severnties. However, the majority are from 12 to 25. Toughlove is helping parents. One mother told of some glimmers of hope since her daughter moved in with a boyfriend and then realized for the first time how much her parents had done for her. The mother and her child were able to talk now without constantly arguing while negotiating terms for the daughter's return. "We still have a lot of cry- ing, a lot of growing up to do, but it's a start," was her bot- tom line right now. London Toughlove is open to anyone is the Exeter area who is interested. It meets every Tuesday night at 7:30 p.m. There are no member- ship fees. A voluntary collec- tion is taken at each meeting to help pay for incidental ex- penses,oprimarily leader Davis' high monthly phone bill. More information can be obtained by phone 235-1848 or calling Eleanor Davis at 432-5020. G.G. Goettler of Dublin, Fine Furniture, 345-2250, extends an invitation to you to visit their Sleep Shop. ileautiful Brass and painted Brasslite beds --each re- flecting the grace and styling of true elegance --are On Sale now Also, On Sale, in our Sleep Shop, the Simmons Deep Sleep Mattress and Box Springs is being featured with a big bold price tag.... Our low overhead permits us to offer 365 Days Values Year -Round. We invite you to shop and compare. It's worth the drive! Open Monday to Saturday 9:30 to 6 p.m. Friday night to 9 p m. FREE Delivery and set-up. Ifit's from Anstett's it says, `you're special' r' 4 �, ! ,'e-1' SPARKLING SHOU DIAMOND ENGAGEMENT RING Centre diamond of .08 ct, surrounded by four diamonds of .01 ct. U ` E PEAR SHAPED DIAMOND ENGAGEMENT RING SPECIAL HEARTS TO ENCASE YOUR LOVE Unique design, centre diamond can be from .15 to .30 cl., surrounded with two gold hearts containing a diamond of .02 ct. Anstett's Diamond Engagement Rings handcrafted by our own goldsmiths See our complete collection of special engagement rings, unique designs handcrafted by our own goldsmiths et Ansfett Manufacturing Limited. HANDCRAFTED DIAMOND ENGAGEMENT RINGS STARTING FROM.... 495 • 8 Albert Street CLINTON 26 Main Street South SEAFORTH 203 Durham St. East WALKERTON 284 Main St. EXETER 135 Queen St. E. ST. MARYS ANSTETT MEMBER AMERICAN GEM SOCIETY JEWELLERS 1 ANNOUNCEMENT P Effective April 2/84, Skeoch Business Equipment has been purchased by Al ' Beange. Al brings with him many years of business experience and looks forward to meeting friends and customers old and new. ' Skeoch Business Equipment stocks a z • complete line of typewriters, photocopiers, word processing equipment, cash registers and office furniture. - rvice has alwaysbeen=priority i Skeoc 's and will continue with the same. high standards 9 you've become accustomed to as Jim Skeoch and staff will remain with the business. We look forward to meeting you and having the opportunity to serve your requirements. AL BEANGE %ee>r- 7 - BUSINESS EQUIPMENT LIMITED 81 HAMILTON STREET, GODERICH, ONTARIO THANK YOU I would like to take this opportunity to thank my many customers and friends for their loyal patronage over the past 30 plus years. It has been a pleasure serving you. I trust you will continue your support with the new owner, Al Beange. Again, Thank You Sincerely Jim Skeoch Ifit's from Anstett's it says, `you're special' r' 4 �, ! ,'e-1' SPARKLING SHOU DIAMOND ENGAGEMENT RING Centre diamond of .08 ct, surrounded by four diamonds of .01 ct. U ` E PEAR SHAPED DIAMOND ENGAGEMENT RING SPECIAL HEARTS TO ENCASE YOUR LOVE Unique design, centre diamond can be from .15 to .30 cl., surrounded with two gold hearts containing a diamond of .02 ct. Anstett's Diamond Engagement Rings handcrafted by our own goldsmiths See our complete collection of special engagement rings, unique designs handcrafted by our own goldsmiths et Ansfett Manufacturing Limited. HANDCRAFTED DIAMOND ENGAGEMENT RINGS STARTING FROM.... 495 • 8 Albert Street CLINTON 26 Main Street South SEAFORTH 203 Durham St. East WALKERTON 284 Main St. EXETER 135 Queen St. E. ST. MARYS ANSTETT MEMBER AMERICAN GEM SOCIETY JEWELLERS 1