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HomeMy WebLinkAboutTimes-Advocate, 1999-01-06, Page 8A Crossroads By Scott PMxon TIMES -ADVOCATE STAFF Wodimad ry, ry • SW Hamar Times -Advocate reunion for mother and son EXETER -- Together again. A reunion last week between an Exeter woman and the son she gave up for adoption 28 years ago ended years of wondering, worrying and guilt. Jan Hindle was reunited with her son James 'Hill last Saturday, years after she began searching for him. Jan and James` story begins in 1970 when, as a pregnant 19 -year-old, Jan traveffed to Regina, Sask., to have her child. Jan said while she didn't want to -put her baby up for adoption, discussions with the baby's father made her realize it was the best thing to do. „ "1 realized. that ill did keep him I would- be a sin- gle mother on welfare and that scared me. And I didn't want that for (the baby)." Jansays while she always worried and wondered about what happened to her child after his adop- tion, she knew she would try to find him when he turned 18, In the meantime, Jan married and had a daughter, Jillian, now 21. When Jan began her search for her son in 1988 she was told by the social services department in Regina that it was illegal for parents to look for children they had put up for adoption. Social ser- vices told Jan they would contact her if the law changed. She was told her son could look for her if he wanted, but Jan wasn't too optimistic about that happening. ed that not .to many children dothat„ so e duces seemed to be pretty . ' In 1995, the law . was changed and Jan was told by social services they would help her find her son. However, because there was such a backlog, Jan was told it could take a couple of years to find him. Looking for her son, she says, was something she had to do. "It was just a natural thing to do because it was the hardest thing in the world to do — give him up." The years waiting to meet James were frustrating for Jan and . she says she always wondered where he was and if he ended up with good people. Social services finally found James last spring and, by coincidence, he was looking for his moth- er. That made the search easier because, since James had moved around so much, finding him, was hard. "If he hadn't called (social services in Regina), I doubt if I ever would have seen him again," Jan says. Once her son was found, though, it wasn't simply a matter of getting his phone number and calling him. "We bad to go through a series of interviews and questionnaires and forms." James explains. "I thought they were overly cautious," he says, adding that he believes social ser- vices' caution was based on their desire to protect the involved individuals. Eventually, Jan and James were allowed to write letters to each other, although the letters hadto first be screened by social services. James says some parts of the letters, such. as addresses and phone numbers, were censored. When Jan was eventually given James' phone number, she admits it took her a ,couple of hours to get the nerve to make the call. When she finally did, James, who was studying; fbr a mid=term exam, was caught off guard. James describes Jan as 'giddy" during their first conversation. She admits she was excited and fired a lot of gMesliens at him. James Hill, right, was reunited with his .biological mother Jan Hindle on Boxing Day, 28 years after she gave him up for adoption. Now a student at the University ofVictoria, Hill visited his mother in Exeter for a week before returning to British Columbia. James also had questions for Jan. "I wanted to know who my dad was and why I was adopted. I just wanted to know the story sur- rounding it." Jan admits she was afraid James wouldn't want to meet her. "It crosses your mind because you live with quite a bit of guilt." Being adopted was never a big deal for James, he says. Heknew at a young age he was adopted and it was something he just accepted, although he always wondered who his biological parents were and if they were still together. But when. he did decide to search for his mother, his attempts were basically "a shot in the dark" because he says he thought it would be too hard to find her. up in Regina, Winnipeg; Kamloops and Vancouver, he describes his childhood with his adoptive parents as "the perfect generic white kid's suburban youth." Then came the first meeting of mother and son. James arrived at Toronto's Pearson International Airport on Dec. 26. James hadn't sent Jan a pic- ture of himself so she didn't really know who she was looking for. "When I first saw him he was making a phone call. I only saw his back, but I just stopped. I had a. feelinkit was_him." When she called out his name. James turned around and they gave each other a. big hug. In addition. to getting to know Jan, James' time in "it was just a natural thing to do because it was the hardest thing in the world to do — give him up." JAN HINDLE Growing Exeter has been spent meeting Jan's mother, who lives in Exeter, and her brother and sister in London. Now a student at the University of Victoria, James and Jan discovered an interesting coinci- dence when they learned he and Jan's daughter Jillian — a student at the University of Western Ontario — both major in philosophy. James may go on to.law school when he's finished his philoso- phy degree. While 'James says he no longer speaks to his adoptive parents, who divorced when he was 16, he's still' dose to his sister. Lisa, who was also adopted_ James also plans to eventually meet his biological father who now lives in Toronto..• As for Jan and James, they're both happy they finally met. "This is going to fulfill something that's been missing in my life for a long time," Jan says. "It's going to give me some peace, I. think." They both say they get along well with each other and share common traits such as curiosity and an analytical approach to nib. Meeting her son wasn't the only new develop- ment in Jan's life. After she met James, he announced to her that he has a 2 1/2 year old daughter, Shae. As she's divorced, Jan says the time is right to welcome a new son and granddaughter. in her life. "Now that I'm alone I have the freedom to do this," she says, adding that as Janes'' visit ended on Jan. 4, she intends to travel out to. British Columbia some day to visit him and his daughter.