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HomeMy WebLinkAboutTimes-Advocate, 1982-06-02, Page 4•mooefl`go t.,= Peas 4 Times -Advocate, June 2, 1982 • Times Established 1873 Advocate Established 1881 Amalgamated 1924 y,r I.. 1,. • dvocate Serving South Huron, North Middlesex & North Lambton Since 1873 Published by J.W. Eedy Publications limited Bill BAROSS EditorrAssistant Ed for LORNE EEDY Publisher JIM BECKETT Advertising Manager HARRY. DEVRIES Composition Manager DICK )ONGKIND Business Manager Published Each Wednesday Morning at Exeter, Ontario Second Class Mali Registration.Number 0386. Phone 235-1331 SUBSCRIPTION RATES: Canada $20.00 Per year: U.S.A. $55.00 C.W.N.A., O.C.N.A. CLASS `A' and 'ABC' Ponder your responsibility This year National Environment Week ends on World Environment Day, marking the 10th anniver- sary of the United Nations Conference on the Human Environment in Stockholm, Sweden. Since 1972, scientists have confirmed that the earth's resources are seriously threatened by pollution, overexploitation and mismanagement. That's our earth and its future at stake - and it's up to all of us to do something about it. Whether you live in the city or the country, there's nowhere to hide from environmental dangers. Water. and air pollution, the loss of good farmland, forests, fisheries, wildlife and other resources threaten jobs, human health and living standards everywhere. Look around you, starting at home. Are you recycl- ing used paper, glass and other materials? Are you tak- ing adequate care in disposing of unused paint, insec- ticides and other wastes? Then, if you drive, consider your driving habits and the care you take of your car. Are they easy on fuel consumption and exhaust emissions? Do you use unleaded fuel and keep your car in top running order? s *CNA Look around your neighbourhood, your workplace, your city, town or other municipality. And don't forget your summer cottage or other favorite vacation resort. Are parks, beaches and water safe and clean? Is there adequate waste -treatment, with effective control of air - pollution ? Is wildlife habitat properly protected? You can make your own environmental checklist - and act upon it, too. Discuss your findings with your neighbours, yourelectedirepresentatives and appointed officials. Support political leaders, groups and organizations who really care about the environment, and press for action to protect it. . Urge your service club, community group, union or professional association to support this cause. Join your local environmental group, or join with your neighbours in getting one started. And enlist the help of the schools in teaching your children to respect and cherish their natural heritage. National Environment Week is a time for all Cana- dians to ponder their own responsibility - a time for NEW initiatives and NEW dedication. No laughing matter Our members of parliament did themselves no great service last Friday when they failed to suppress giggles and laughter in the House of Commons. The ill-timed amusement was triggered by an earnest plea from a female member who was asking that serious consideration be given to the plight of "battered wives". Margaret Mitchell (NDP) stated that one wife in every ten is physically abused by her husband and that some sort of houses of refuge should be provided for them. Whether or not the widespread ' amusement stemmed from genuine mirth or from nervous reacioh, is of small concern. The bald fact is that the predominantly male House was immediately brand- ed as male -chauvinist and -callous. Adding insult to in- jury, the expected apologies were refused. Parliamentarians, it seems, are sorely in need of some instruction in the values of social consciousness, as well as in the merits of good public relations. Wingham _Advance -Times A Iittle culture can After spending the winter in smelly hockey dressing rooms with a bunch of kids who think long johns should be stiff enough to help settve as extra padding and then battlingkilldeer and mud in,an at- tempt to get in a garden, the writer decid- ed to chuck it all aside last week and get some culture into his life.. While that would suggest to some that he was once again in the bald-headed row at the strip show, that was just not the case. Along with a bevy of young ladies, many' in flowing gowns, I headed off to Theatre London to watch the National Ballet of Canada perform. First impression was that there'd been a terrible mistake and in fact I had once again walked into that smelly dressing room as a group of young men appeared on stage wearing long -johns. However, in- formed sources nearby indicated that they were not merely in the midst of dressing for the performance. That was what male ballet dancers wear. Sure does keep the overhead down! The cultural experience was a little Mow in warming up, to say the least. The first portion of the performance featured five dancers dressed in chicken attire. Their strutting was good, but nothing more spectacular than one can see when any good-sized Leghorn rooster spots a few nearby hens and starts to strut his stuff. For 14 bucks a seat, the spectators would have been better off visiting a near- by chicken farm to see the real thing. Pro- bably would have been as much action, too, although it would probably have been a little too much for all those budding young ballerinas who were in attendance in their flowing gowns. ip • s • There was some further doubt whether this good of country boy was really going to get much culture when a real live pony came prancing onto the stage. He was ob- viously of some noble breeding, but I could have seen a couple of hundred horses had I bypassed the theatre and headed down to the Western Fair raceway. be dangerous They didn't even have a bookie at the theatre, although I was willing to get even money that there'd be a mess to clean up on stage before the pony got through his act. When he departed without the ex- pected mess, I realized it was not my night for betting and it was a good thing I was at the theatre and not the track. BATT'N AROUND with the editor That 14 bucks for the seat would have been gone before they called the horses to the post for,the third race. There was little doubt that most of the members of the National Ballet are city dwellers. A whole horde of them appeared on stage carrying sickles and they pro- ceeded to pretend they were harvesting some wheat. It was hard to sustain a laugh at this point, as well as the urge to stand up and let them know that down here on the farm we don't use. sickles 'any longer. But what the heck. How are you going to explain the operation of a $100,000 coi'nbine to someone who has culture? They even had some make -belief wheat sheaves all done up fancy with a ribbon like you see up at the Exeter fall fair. Sup- pose one of those guys visited a fall fair somewhere along the,line 'and saw some of those fancy things and went away believing that all the farmers walked around in their fields tying red ribbons around sheaves of wheat before they neat- ly stacked them in the barn. If the darn fool had taken a look around the fields while he was driving to the fair he would have realized that they don't do things like that down here on the farm any more. Like I say, we got these big com- bines and if they weren't so busy with their culture they'd see what goes on around them. The real shocking thing about, culture is that they have trouble with their sexes. I suspected that right away from the pro- gram when I noticed that a Jacques Gor- rissen was going to play the part of the Widow Simone. • They put a dress and a wig on him, and while it may have fooled a lot of those peo- ple who have more culture than the writer, I wasn't about to. be taken in. Should have told Jacques not to jump -so high, because when his dress flew up and showed his legs, it gave him right away. They didn't make any mistakes though with Lise, her daughter. They had Veronica Tennant playing that part and even up in the balcony I could tell she was the right sex for the part. Now there's a gal that should give up the culture bit and get into athletics. She can jump clear over at (east three of them thar fancy sheaves of wheat stacked on top of each other. She's as nimble as any barn -yard cat working her way to a tasty mouse and she's strong too. In fact most of those cultured people have muscles. They toss each other up in the air and catch them as though they were light as feathers. Come to think of it, if we didn't have combines, I'd be advising area farmers to head to the ballet to get their hired hands. Bet they'd do a good day's work out stookin' wheat. And just think of that low overhead. Give them a pair of long -johns and they'll run,• jump and dance 'til the cows come home. Be careful, though, and don't let any of that culture wear off on you or you'll be jumping out of your air-conditioned com- bine cab to join them. And if.you happen to get an impulse to take one of them young things out behind the barn... don't forget they don't always appear to be what you may think. If you're beginning to think culture can be dangerous... well, the thought crossed my mind too. But, maybe there was something 1 was missing! Using shot -gun style This is the shot -gun col- umn I promised last week, and got so busy running down my wife I didn't get around to it. Man does not live by bread alone, as someone once said, truly. A little butter helps; and a little jam makes it even more palatable, though I've seen the days when a chunk of German brot, evil -smelling, • sour - tasting, hit my palate with the force of a piece of Black Forest Cake. And man does not live by banks alone, though I know this is heresay and. liable to have me in- vestigated by the RCMP. Hundreds of years ago, man lived by bread alone, a little hope and a lot of faith. He built cathedrals, reaching toward God eagerly and artistically. When the cathedral was finished, after two or three hundred years of loving craftsmanship, it was a place to worship: physically, aesthetically and spiritually: One could almost reach up and touch the face of God. And then get about his business. Today, our banks are the cathedrals: vast edifices of stone and steel and concrete, The cost of them is, proportionately, the same as that of the 14th century. But they are whacked up in a couple of years, and there's a lot of shoddy workmanship, because they are not expected to last for a thousand years - maybe 40. When they are finished, they are also a place to worship. But one doesn't light a candle. One hands over a little book, or a piece of paper, to, one of the lower priests, who hands back some green or blue paper. One makes an obeisance, and is reward- ed with a hearty, "Have a nice day." wrow Sugar and Spice Dispensed By Smiley ing grouchy. One pro- ceeds, by lurches and ambles, to the lower priest, and figuratively - bows (though they are a damn nice bunch of girl - priests, in my opinion). One is then referred to If one is very rich, or very poor, one is ushered into the cell of one of the higher priests: the loans manager, or the General Manager. In the first cell one is told that one can easily get more green paper if one assigns one grandmother, two legs and an arm as security. - In the cellof the high priest, one is told that the sky is the limit, that the high priest is merely there to smooth, or unctuate, one into the realms of even greater material wealth, and that one is the salt of the earth, to say the very least. Then one asks for the Key to the Kingdom. It is produced, with celerity, and one is ushered into the secret place, where one of the lesser priests turns a key, one takes one's goodies, goes into a little cubby-hole, and worships Mammon, by counting one's investments, all pieces of paper. Physical? One stands in a line-up of sweaty strangers, everyone look - the next higher priest, who is unctuous, smiling, and as hard as nails if one wants some mortgage money, or some cash ,to feed the hogs. Or one goes to the High Priest, who is genial, jovial, and offers a return on one's money which is one-quarter per cent lower than the cathedral down the street, or across the corner. (These cathedrals tend to bunch up on cor- ners.) But there s always a catch, in the small print. One leaves the cathedral physically, aesthetically, and spiritually impoverished. One is apt to head for the liquor store. Well, that's only item one of my shot -gun col- umn, though it grew to the length of an Old Sharps buffalo gun. Here's another, from N. A. Ronis, of Thunder Bay: "Dear Mr. Smiley: Your columns are always in- teresting if sometimes a trifle vulgar. They are always forthright and sub- jectively honest and I en- joy reading them." Thanks, N.A. , Item three. I have to decide to live with my four -times -broken nose, or have a nose job. Saw the nose man this week. He said, "If you can live with it, O.K. If you can't, I'll fix it," and his eyes gleamed sadistically. •I can't live with it, and I'm scared of the operation. Item four. My wife wants to "Have a talk." That means she wants me to give up all my bad habits and not give up any of hers. This usually ar- rives at a stalemate. When I get dinner, the kitchen looks like an Irishman's shanty, with everything dirty and everything scan- ty. When she does, it looks like a hospital room - anemic, asceptic, and as though we hadn't eaten. And I'm never sure we have. Item five. The Feds, in their wisdom, have driven the oil industry out of Canada. Alsands has become No -sands. In On- tario, the government, without• a by-your-leave, bought into Suncor, and an analysis hag showed that they paid more than $300 million too much for it. Who pays the piper? Guess. The government has no money: You and I have a little. And the little has become a littler. We'll soon be at littlest. It's not the proper comparisons of a verb, but it works. It should be: little, less, least.) Item six. My daughter is broke, and my kid brother is almost rich, and they're too young to be married, so what do I do. When the collar gets tight Seeing all the interest in the newspapers recently over the doctors of Ontario going on a series of rotating 'strikes' reminds me of a couple of stories about doctors. In the first case, the pa- tient said, "But doctor, are you sure I'll pull through? I've heard of cases where the doctor has made a wrong diagnosis, and treated so- meone for pneumonia who has afterwards died of typhoid fever." "Nonsense," said the angry doctor. "When I treat a patient for pneumonia, he dies of pneumonia." In another case, a physi- cian had just finished checking a patient who was well past middle age. "Well, old boy," he said with a smile. "I can't find A' man sought medical aid because he had popped eyes and a ringing in his Perspectives By Syd Fletcher litre a thing wrong with you, but I do recommend that you give up about half of your love life." After a long pause, the patient replied, "Which half should I give up, doc, thinking about it or talking about it?" I'll leave you with this one • ears. A doctor looked him over and suggested removal of his tonsils. The operation didn't help so the patient consulted another doctor who sug- gested removal Of the man's teeth. This didn't help either. A third doctor told him bluntly: "You've got six months to live." In that event the doomed man decided to treat himself right. He bought a flashy car, hired a chauf- feur, had the best tailor in town make him ten suits, and decided his shirts should be made to order. "Okay," said the shirt - maker, "let's get your measurements. Hmm, 34 sleeve 16 collar -" "Fifteen,"• the man said. "Sixteen collar," the shirtmaker repeated, measuring again. "But I've always worn a 15 collar," said the man. "Listen," .the shirt - maker said, "I'm warning you. You keep on wearing a 15 collar and your eyes will pop and you'll have a ringing in your ears."