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HomeMy WebLinkAboutTimes-Advocate, 1983-05-25, Page 6Times -Advocate, Ma 25, 1983 • w. MR. AND MRS. PATRICK MASSE Constance Dawn Koehler and Patrick Leonard Masse were united in marriage April 23, 1983 at Our Lady of Mount Carmel Church with Rev. Joseph Nelligan of- ficiating. The bride is the daughter of Mrs. Alice Koehler, Huron Park and Mr. and Mrs. Leo Paul Masse, Dashwood are parents of the groom. Natalie Mason was matron of honour and bridesmaids were Cathy Ar- nold, Colleen Koehler anal Nancy Koehler. The best man wa Wayne Hoffman and guests were ushered by Bob Reschke, Ken Masse and Robert Masse. The flower girl was Tracy Mason and Darryl Romphf was ring bearer. After a wedding trip to Chatham, the couple is residing in Dashwood. Photo by Carol Edwards. MR. AND MRS. DANIEL Charlotte Gingerich and Daniel Elliott exchanged mar- riage vows May 14 at the Zurich Mennonite Church with Rev. Clayton Kuepfer officiating. The bride is the daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Cleve Gingerich, Grand Bend and Mr. and Mrs. Fred Elliott, Clinton are parents of the groom. The maid of honour was Marlene Estep and bridesmaids were Carol Gascho and Vicki Schroeder Valerie Lynn Gingerich was flowergirl and Ryan Oesch was ringbearer. The groomsman was Ray Bland and guests were ushered by Clifford Gingerich, Glen Gascho and Shane Elliott. After a wedding trip to nor- thern Ontario the couple is residing at RR 3, Zurich. Photo by Frank Phillips. ELLIOTT Asparagus Freshly cut for you Spring Garden Farm Call 8 p.m. to 10 p.m. 229-6795 J 1f averageholds, one in 10 women in .Ilurn battered by spous. She could be the woman across the room from you at a party. Maybe she lives next door, or on a farm on the next concession. She could even be you. She's 18 or she's 50. No matter what her age or where she lives, her life is probably in danger. She's a battered woman. If national trends hold true, one in 10 women in Huron ,County is beaten by the man she lives with. Some women who have been beaten; others who are involved with shelters and support groups locally and a man who used to beat his wife got together in Goderich May 16 to talk about the problem. The workshop on wife batter- ing was the final one in a series sponsored by Women Today. In answer to one woman's "I can't understand why women who are beaten stay with their husbands, put up with it, won't go to the police. and lay a charge," other women explained that a woman who is beaten is terrified. The man who is abusing her physically is also telling her she's nothing and she loses her self-confidence. Families often encourage a woman who's being abused to "put up with it." A sort of learned helplessness comes into play and the victim thinks somehow the beatings are her fault. The man is loving and remorseful after.the incident and the victim thinks "next time will be different." If you're .being beaten and think it's your own fault, there's a tremendous guilt and shame. You don't ask for help because you don't want anyone 'to know about the beatings. "Women have been beaten up to 35 times before making that initial telephone call for help," said Debbie Bunjevak of Women's Com- munity House, a shelter for battered women and their children in London. The house, which has hosted 400 battered women in, five years of operation, has space for 14 women and children at one time. That on- ly scratches the surface of the need. "For every family we housewehave to turn away two." While about 30 percent of operating funds come from London City Social Services, $77,000 was raised from the community last year by Women's Community House supporters. A similar shelter, the Huron County Crisis Centre, opened this month near Bayfield. It has been used by battered women already, explained board member Lynn Smith. Optimism House, a new shelter in Stratford is now open to women and their children in Perth County and surrounding areas, the co- ordinator, Muriel Steel, said. It has four staff members and has just trained a first group of volunteers. More are needed. Many battered women stay in a violent home because they have no where else to go. By provi. ling shelter (women can stay a month or six weeks) they give women who are beaten time to think to take stock of their lives without interference. Counselling is available but just as important is the chance to learn you are not alone and to talk to other women who have been battered. It's Planting Time at Lakewood Nursery Beautiful things for your home Hours Open Mon -Sat. 9:00 a.m. till dusk Sunday Noon till 6 p.m. LAKEWOOD NURSERY Highway 21 Mike Miller Landscaping and Lawn Care St. Joseph 236-4479 4 In a shelter women who've been beaten feel safe for the first time in years. "I didn't want to even go outside for a week," is a common reaction. There are people who understand to share your story with, people who don't judge, people who believe you. You can try and figt4re out why the man's background led him to beat yyu up, one woman said. Sometimes there is no why, another woman replied. "He becomes something unhuman." Security precautions at Women's Community House include .a locked door with a one way glass window and not giving out information about who 'is in residence. If a battered woman decides to leave, the staff of a shelter can help her through the courts, the welfare system, the maze of often un- sympathetic bureaucracy she'll come up against. Lay- ing an assault charge against her husband, one woman said, was "the biggest deci- sion of my life," bigger than deciding to marry. She thought of nothing else for days. because she felt once you charge him "you can't go back." Because society sees the family as sacred, something that must be kept together at all costs, family violence isn't condemned. "Many helpers make it harder for women to leave and encourage her to go back home," one participant said. Another abused wife told of visiting a lawyer to talk about getting a divorce. "Do you play tennis?" he asked her. Another was told by her clergyman to go back to her - husband because his family, gave a lot of money to the church. The judicial system cooperates in this co-ercion to keep a woman who is beaten in her home, the man who was a former wife beater said. "She's got nothing, her husband pursuades her" and most women lack information about their rights and how to get support for their children and themselves. Courts are too lenient when a woman finally does charge her husband with assault. (The London police are one of the few forces in Canada which will lay charges against wife batterers; in most centres the woman herself must lay charges). ":hey tap a man's wrist and send him home. They don't make him get help," said the woman who did charge her husband. Men who batter need help too, the lone male at the workshop said. "We're not big strong fairy tale creatures." A self-help group of batterers has been formed in London called Changing Ways. You need to look at what happens, to you and why, you learn from each other, the man, who attended with his wife, said. "I've been down that road, on it. I'm not bragging." The group saw the National Film Board documentary "Loved, Honoured and Bruis- ed" about a woman with five children who finally left her husband after years of beatings. The husband, a rather timid man, explained in the film that beating his wife was like disciplining the children: "You do it because you love them." Saying that he shied away from conflict with the outside world, the husband said when he's under pressure, he takes it out on "the closest person at hand." Although she and her children faced an eight -mile walk to the nearest town, the woman left her farm home because she feared for their lives. She had thought no one knew about the constant beatings, but a neighbour picked the family up on the road, saying, "I've been wat- ching the house. I've been - worried about you." After a stay in a shelter, the woman and the -children have started a life on their own in Winnipeg. Getting to that stage of in- dependence isn't easy. One woman at the workshop prais- ed London police and their family crisis teams, and a Salvation Army woman who explains the court system in that city. "It would be nice if Goderich had someone like her." "Help in a small town is zero," another said. "My so- called friends wouldn't go to court with me." In another beating situation, police wouldn't testify for the victim and a Justice of the Peace was no help. Others were threatened by their husbands PLAN TO MARRY - Bill and Maxine Allison and Norm and Norma Romphf are pleased to announce the for- thcoming marriage of their children Debra June and Gary Norman. The wedding will take place Saturday, June 18, 1983 in Parkhill United Church. I • t lis)lis144i /WI • !1M) �NiVii% iV1�IYW1'I11'viwWN.114%• Drapery Designs Fabric Selection Installation For consultation and free estimates Cal 262-5214 evenings • in an attempt to have them drop charges. One woman described a scene a friend had witnes8ed in a shopping centre. A young woman had spilled a cart full of parcels and her baby. The baby was crying and a male companion yelled at her: "If you don't shut that baby up I'll kick your face in." The witness tried to help the young woman and she too was threatened by the man. "Get away, he'll hurl you," said the scared young woman, "and me. Ile means it." The witness, who didn't see any police or security guards around, backed off. "What c:1n you do in a situa- tion lik. that?" the woman asked the group. Discretely hand out a card from one of the distress centres, or even a card with your own number on it, and whisper "there is help when you need it," was one suggestion. Some of the sources of help for abused women in this area are: Shelters for battered women and their children: (Most are open 24 hours a day) : Huron County Family Crisis Centre 482-7988; .Op- timist House, Stratford, 271-5550; Women's Communi- ty House, London 439-4543; Family Consultants (crisis workers with London Police) 438-3291; Changing Ways. London (self-help group for batterersi 679-7210; Huron Centre for Children and Youth, Clinton (family. marital and children's counselling at no charge) 482-3931. r • Fitness: What it does tor body itdoesr for your mind. May 26 to May 31 Closed Monday Rhubarb Custard Pie $1.89 ea. 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Side Bacon pkg.1.88 Swifts V, Club Party Hams 5.27 kg./Ib.2.39 • Swifts Mac & Cheese, luncheon or Chicken loaf Cold Meats 3.29 kg./Ib. 1.49 Store Sliced, Cooked Ham 3.93 kg./Ib.1.79 Fresh Medium (chuck) . Ground Beef 3.51 kg./Ib. 1.59 l.sters Vac Pac Wieners .. 99 T 4331 fresh produce Produce of U.S.A., Con. 1, 3 Ib: New Potatoes 1.5 Produce of U.S.A..s's Sunkist 1 Oranges .69 Produce of U.S.A., 24's Celery Stalks ...99 Produce of U.S.A., 10 es. Spinach . 9 f A&H bakery buys I Superior, white or 60% whole wheal, 24 es. loot Dread 594 flamingo, No. 2 Rutter Tarts 0...1.39 Dempster T00% Whole Whe�24et. Bread C Weston, 6'. Dertterliera. 1.09 frozen foods McCeins, 12.3 os. tin Orawye Juice 1.19 Hlghliner, 16 es. tin Cod Fillets 2.49 McCain Fancy MINIM Veget I or Fancy Peas � 34 Mrs. Smith Chocolate or iton t Crean, Pies MARKETS 001H/MulsOAt l ,I,OAr Wan'u • •• 1