Lucknow Sentinel, 2009-09-16, Page 5Having children is not an easy task for anyone
w
As a public service for all those couples con-
sidering having a child, I have compiled a "preg-
nancy calendar" to let you know what's in store:
Cut this out and put it on your fridge, or better
yet, your pillow.
Day 1: You and your wife have done a lot of
thinking and you believe your life will be com-
plete if you have children. Ten years from
now, you will look back on this day and
laugh your head off. Today is the day you
start "TRYING."
Day 2: Your wife informs you that she
has conceived. There is no point in "trying"
any longer. You weep.
Day 3: Friends, relatives and people you don't
know are congratulating you all day on the good
news. Your wife takes an ad out in the paper under
"Upcoming Events." It feels weird being congratu-
lated, knowing what your part was in all of this.
Day 14: Your wife is upset that she doesn't look
pregnant yet. She's afraid people might think she's
faking it.
Day 21: You now own fourteen books on preg-
nancy and raising children, including one entitled,
"Fathers Don't Babysit - They Parent." You discuss
the possibilities of turning your home office into a
nursery.
.
Day 30: Your wife buys her first pants with "pan-
els." You laugh a lot. You both eat a lot of ice cream
that night and she spends the next morning feeling
nauseated.
Day 55: You come home to find a contractor
measuring your office. Your wife explains to you
that she wanted your child to have his own room
before he turned twenty-one. You attend your first
evening of prenatal classes.
Day 100: Your wife nowbelches more impres-
sively than you do. She explains to you what an
"INTERNAL" is and you spend all morning
feeling nauseated.
Day 144: Of all your wife's favorite phrases,
her favourite 'is now, "Are you going to eat
that?" She buys her first maternity bathing suit.
You laugh a lot...then realize she fully intends
to wear it.
Day 167: Your fourth baby shower.
Total haul: $1, 700.00. The nursery is
finished. Total cost: $1700.00. • You
can see a way to work something out
here. She casually mentions how she
hates thin women.
Day 188: Your last prenatal class is all about child-
birth. You watch two hours of live footage and spend
the night feeling nauseated ... and scared._ Your wife
promises not to hit you like the girls in the film do.
Day 201: Your mate now pees at the drop of a hat.
She's afraid to sneeze. Other women feel inclined to
tell labor horror stories.
Day 216: When you tell people how your wife is,
you always mention her girth. There is very little
blanket left after she gets into bed. If you didn't
defend yourself at supper, she would eat YOUR
food, too.
Day 230: You wake up and discover frost INSIDE
the bedroom. Your sweetheart asks you if you're hot.
Levels of water in the tub rise considerably when she
climbs in. Neither of you sleep well.
Day 239: You are now being used as a pillow. You
are lucky to get _ any table scraps you can find.
"Being romantic" means giving her a back rub. You
sleep more at work than you do at hotne. People ask
how it's going and you start sobbing uncontrollably.
Day 241: Labor begins. Good luck!
Mark Thrice is our nationally syndicated humor
columnist who has successfully survived three preg-
nancy calendars.
Lucknow . Sentinel, Wednesday, September 16, 2009 - Page 5
Huron County Rebels saying goodbye
After more than 50.
community events
across Huron County,
Rebels with a Cause, a
group of youth working
to prevent tobacco use in
youth, said farewell last
week.
The Rebels spent the
last three years advocat-
ing for everything from
rating changes in movies
with smoking, to public
policy and creating
bylaws for smoke-free
outdoor spaces in Huron
County. The provincial
government announced
in the spring they were
cutting all Youth Action
Alliance programs in
health units across the
province as of Aug. 31.
People involved with
the group over the years
gathered on Aug. 26 at
the Huron County
Health Unit for a
farewell celebration. A
total of 17 Rebels were
employed through the
program at the health
. unit over the. past three
years.
Youth advisor Angela
Submitted photo
Bruce County Queen of the Furrow Amber Mackie crowns
Tammy Fischer as the new Bruce County Queen of the Furrow.
Amber will be amending . the Onto Queen of the Furrow
Competition this September in the District of Temiskaming.
Tammy will have a number of opportunities to attend commu-
nity events over the upcoming year before attending the IPM in.
2010 held in Elgin County. fr 4
Ritchie says the program
gave Huron County high
school students a unique
experience. She says the
program wouldn't have
been successful without
the community's excel-
lent support.
"We all want to say a
heartfelt thank you to the
residents of Huron
County," said Ritchie.
"We found people very
open to the messages we
Huron County Rebels
were sharing about the
dangers of tobacco. It
was particularly great to
see the response to our
message that we need to
protect our children from
second-hand smoke."
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