HomeMy WebLinkAboutLucknow Sentinel, 2009-03-11, Page 5Always watch out for the stealth pee-er
My dog and I are having problems.
I don't want to make any assumptions, but the
truth is, he seems about as smart as a cobblestone.
"Come here, Toby ! " I say. "It's time to go out-
side!"
You would expect the dog's natural response
to be an eager jump towards the door in obedi-
ence to his master. Toby, however, merely
stares at me, as if he's wondering who gets the
last Cheese Doodle. This I see as a problem. It
wouldn't be so bad if he was "Mutt" dumb,
as in "I got this. dog for free and he just
ate his own tail." Unfortunately, he is
"Purebred" dumb, as in "I just paid seven
hundred bucks for this dog and he's play-
house:
"Oh," says my wife.
"What?" I ask, knowing what the answer will be.
"He peed on the carpet."
"HOW COULD HE POSSIBLY PEE ON
THE CARPET?? HE WAS OUT OF MY
SIGHT FOR TEN SECONDS! YOU CAN'T
EVEN GO THAT FAST!"
Even if he is incredibly not -so -smart,
he does have a super power. Toby is a
Stealth Pee-er. He can leave a 6 -inch
puddle in the time it takes to turn your
head. If I could somehow turn that
into a weapon to foil home robberies,
I would be ecstatic. The only thing being
foiled so far is a day with dry socks.
If I look at the problem another way, I realize that
I am making an assumption. I am assuming that the
dog understands English. He may, in fact, be a
Spanish dog. (He bearsa striking resemblance to
Nacho Libre).: So I change my tactic.
"Hola, Senor Pooch! ( El Estupido Perm!)
Leesten to me.o squirt-io on the carpet -o!
Comprendez?"
My Wife: "And how do you know Spanish?"
Me: "Bart Simpson and Taco Bell
My Wife: "Well, maybe he IS Spanish after all."
Me: "Aha! I have proven my "intelligencio" once
again!"
My Wife: "Well, don't get too cocky! True, he diddid-
n't PEE on the carpet, but he still left you'with a lee-
tle surpisio."
Me. "Ay Caramba!
ing with his own poop."
My strategy is the time -tested "father tactic" of
Raising My Voice.
"Come Here.Toby!" I repeat rather tersely. "It Is
Time To Go Outside." • r .
"Honey," my wife cuts . in, "you scare him when
you talk like that."
"TOEY! COME HERE!" I holler in my most non-
threatening way. As a husband, I must constantly
prove to my wife that I am a good listener.
"You have to make it sound exciting. . Toby loves
funr she explains.
"Come here, Toby!"
Laugh Time! Woo Hoo!"
At this, the dog jumps up and runs outside. I will
remember this trick when it's time to get him fixed.
Leaving the dog outside is a good idea, since he is
having so many issues within the confines of : my
Editor:
US. President Barack Obama'svisit to Canada
offers us an opportunity for partnership that we
should seize with both hands.
We won't get out of our economic crisis unless we
work with our neighbour to make the North
American economy more efficient and competitive.
The crisiscreates an opportunity for political leader-
s(up on both sides of the border, and j a chance to
break down the barriers that prevent our two
economies from reaching their full potential.
A North American agenda begins with a strong
defence of continentalfree trade. President Obama
has shown leadership in condemning "Buy
American" measures in Congress, and leaders in
Canada need to stand up against protectionism in' our
own country, as well. Protectionist moves in
Congress, like the ,Country of Origin labeling in live-
stock, continue to hold back our exporters. No coun-
try stands to lose more from a protectionist turn in
the [I. S. than Canada, and we need to say loud and
clear that protectionism will lead both of our coun-
tries backwards.
Besides a . renewed commitment to free trade, we
need to work together to ensure that people and
goods can move more freely across our borders. Over
$1.5 -billion in trade crosses the Canada -U. S. border
every day, and there are more than 100 million indi-
vidual crossings' each year.
While our competitors in Europe are tearing down
the -borders between their economies, our border with
the United States is becoming a choke -chain on both
of our economies. We've never succeeded in creating
the "smart border" we thought we would after 9/11,
and in many ways our border practices are less intel-
ligent than ever. We need to invest jointly in border
infrastructure, work together to improve security at
our key maritime ports and increase pre -clearance for
goods away from the border. We ,should try to per-
suade the Americans to stop the introduction of the
passport requirement due in June of this year.
A secure but efficient border is crucial for the
Lucknow Sentinel, Wednesday, March 11, 2009 - Page 5
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growth of many industries m Canada, none more so
than our automotive sector. We need to work with the
U.S. government, but also with industry leaders and
autoworkers, to ensure that the rescue package being
put together by :the. Obama administration also safe-
guards Canadian jobsand product mandates. At the
same time, Canada and the United States should
develop common emissions standards so that we
come out of the current crisis with a green, energy-
efficient automobile industry.
,President Qbama's administration offers Canada
the first opportunity in eight years to develop a com-
plementary approach for the sustainable develop-
ment of natural gas, petroleum and: hydroelectric
energy. We should immediately begin working
toward a common cap -and -trade system, with a hard
cap on emissions and defined reduction targets for
industrial emissions.
Our environmental partnership should extend into
T
the far north. Canada and the United States should
work together, with other northern nations, to protect
this region for the whole: globe. We should applaud
the President's .campaign commitment not to: under-
take drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge.;
We should maintain Canada's long -held legal posi-
tion that the North West Passage is an inland water-
way and not an international strait, but we should not
allow our disagreement with the Americans on the
issue to preclude bilateral efforts to ensure good
stewardship and orderly management by Canadians
of passage through the waterway. We need to rein-
vigorate the Arctic Council 'so that all northern
nations develop common strategies to . mitigate the
impact of global warming, avoid conflict over
resource development and improve the lives of the
region's indigenous peoples.
Michael Ignatieff, MP for Etobicoke-Lakeshore
and
• Leader of the Liberal Party of Canada.
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