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Home My WebLink AboutLucknow Sentinel, 2009-02-25, Page 5No story told more than birth of child No story will be retold more than the story cf your child's birth. We "experienced" husbands call these LABOR STORIES. They have nothing to do with LABOR DAY. For your reference, each story will be different but contain the same basic ele- ments: The wife is the heroine -she has just fully real- ized -that the basketball in her tuminy has to come out somehow. For some reason, the doctor has picked this day to golf. The husband is a minor character. Nothing this man says today will be intel- ligent. In fact, all the funny parts of the labor story will probably center on some- thing the husband did or said or thought. • Here is how it really happens: 3am-Contractions always start at 3am.. The wife will wake up the husband and tell him: "This is it!" 3:10, 3:20, 3:30, 3:40am.-7Wanting to share the experience, the wife wakes the husband up for every contraction. After a "discussion" they decide that maybe he should sleep. • - 3:50, 4:00, 4:10, 4:20 --The wife wakes the hus- band up for every contraction. 10am-Contractions are every five minutes. Husband is afraid to announce he feels sick to his stomach. Both her mother and sister are coaching her. 12:30pm--Things are happening faster and hard- er...for. her. He suggests that it's time for lunch and gets dirty looks from the coaches and a punch in the head from her. .' 1pmW --The doctor was at s office. Husband remarks that he didn't know golf cleats were hospital issue. Wife gets a shot of NU -BANE, allowing her to sleep for 30 seconds between each contraction. Her positive affirmation is "No more babies. No more babies." 3:30pin--Wife is holding husband's hand and has her arm around his shoul- der. VERY BAD CONTRACTIONS HITS. Wife has husband in a tight headlock and is biting off his thumb. Nurse saves him. - 4:30pm--The true nature of both husband and wife are coming out. The wife apparently is prone to vio- lence and likes to talk like a sailor. The husband promises to do whatever she says if she'll just stop hurting him. 5pm—Delivery begins. The wife finds the softest part f the husband's flesh and pinches with all her might. With the next contraction she sits up and belts the doctor. The nurse saves him. 5:30pm-A new little baby comes into the world. All is well. -4 Mark Thrice is our nationally syndicated humor columnist. • .4. Lucknow Sentinel, Wednesday, February 25, 2009 - Page 5 Wind farms still having negative impact The Lucknosv and District Kinsmen provide:la(tetZtftvrirEtcc:11 Dear Editor, • • I want you to try to imagine your home being invaded by loud noise and/or humming vibration, night after night. What would you do for your children, or your pets? Howwould you feel if your significant other or your elderly parents had to go through some- thing like this, night after night? At some point I think you would • have to find a way to stop it. At some point it would drive you to yell out loud that you don't deserve sthis. That nobody deserves, this. And yet, here we sit, week after' -week, putting up with it. • • No more. We are one of many • &milks that have, and continue t� be, negatively •affected by these wind . farms that you still consider the jewel of your crown. I hate to guess at what makes a group of men force terrible living conditions onto residents, with nary a thought; You call us NIMBY's. I believe every one of you is weak. If you can't stand up for what you know is right and look after the people of this province, then your whole pur- pose has been a sham. I know my husband and I are one of very few who are 4)ealc.- • ing publicly about this now. Why • is that, you ask? Very simply it's because we feel we have to. We have crossed .that line. We tried to be quiet to protect our biggest , investment, our property. But • sometimes doing the right thing has to come before any other • thing, including money. People are tired. People arcso disillu- sioned that they have given up on • having anyone actually take their problems seriously. They mitke their complaint, only to be told they are the only ones complain- ingand that everything is in line with the guidelines set by the Ministry of the Environinent. If these levels are within the guide- lines then you people had better start your research all over again, because I know you would not tolerate for yourself, or your families, what you are putting residents through. Every new wind farm brings more distress .to people, and yet you cannot wait to have our • whole landscape dotted with these machines, from east to west. You show absolutely no • consideration for people, domes- tic animals, wildlife and birds. As I write this, my dog is pacing, barking and whining because this vibration is driving her mad. How do I know that? On the days when the turbines are not running or are very quiet, she is perfectly normal. With all due respect to those in the world, who are living in conditions I cannot even imag- ine," this vibration is a new form of industrial torture, taking place right in our own home. Do you know how it feels to try to sleep with a deep humming coming up through your pillow? tried to sleep with my head at the foot of the bed, hoping the vibration • coming through the walls would- n't be so strong if I moved from it. It didn't help. Nothing helps, and I can't shut it off! Tifisitas to stop. implore you to talk to the residents in this province living in wind farms. • Don't discount talent to showcase their talents, when the -organization spon telling you. If they are having problems, only to be told there is nothing that can be done, _ because all of- your guidelines have been, met, then what are what they are they to do? Where do they go when they are dismissed? My husband and I have nothing left, to lose now. Our house is worth- less as it sits. We put a lot of time, effott and funds into our house to update- it since we moved here, and for what? How can you even begin to support these companies that promote the idea that living in a wind farm increases land value? Give me a break! You know bet- ter, and yet here we still are, lis- tening to you tell the masses how wonderful these wind farms are and how many jobs you are going to create. I ask you, how many of these jobs are long term? What happens after the roads are built aend the turbines are up? How many real jobs, long term, have they created? I am sure you have the research froth somebody to back you: up. Was that a government initiative to work out the job creation num- bers, or did someone help you with that? . • I am 'going 'to stop now. 1 am wide awake, which is the noun in • this house now. Chances are you are all having a restful sleep. Lucky you! Barbara Ashbee Lormand aid Dennis Lormand 335498 7th Line Amaranth RR1, Shelburne, Ontario t ' . sored a Family Day Music jam, on Feb. I 5.Those who partidpat ed gave great performances.rtile the number of attendees was not line, Kinsmen Luke Smith said that as this was the first year he was happy with the numbers.Watch next year for this event. It riskily is amazing how manytalented young people are in our community. Seen here is singer Natalie Irwin. -. Rating: 4 9 7. 1 * * * 8 3 2 9 13 8 4 21 64. 1 6 9 9 7- 4 8. To solve a Sudoku puzzle, every number from 1 to 9 must appear in: • Each of the nine vertical. colurims • Each of the nine horizontal rows • Each of the nine Tx 3 boxes • Remember, no number can occur more than once In • any row, column or box 3 7 www.lovaftspuzzles.com 2 This week's puzzle sponsored by: 111 Remax Land Exchange Ltd., Brokerage Independently Owned and Operated Mitchell Twolan Broker MOO 100 Lake Range Drve, Point Clark RR 1 Kincardine, ON N2Z 2.X3 Offie: 5194954620 Email: mitch.twolan@remax-lx.ca Con 5194554664 Fax: 5 19-395-01 42 www.RemaxLsndExchange.ca 11 See anewer on classified pages