HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Huron Expositor, 1997-03-26, Page 5Letter for Larry by time he gets to Phoenix
Recently my friend Larry
Cooney pulled up stakes (be
was an undertaker, it could
have been worse) and with
his wife Carol moved
perntanently to Phoenix,
Arizona. 1 told him I'd keep
in touch.
Dear Larry,
Well once again we got
nailed with an overnight
snowstorm. Apparently
March is bent on going out
like a lion instead of a
genetically -created. nuclear=
transferred, identically -
twinned lamb. -
Apparently Scottish
scientists are tight now
attempting to fuse a cell from
an adult lion to the egg of a
female lamb to create an
animal -that on Ground Hog
Day, would cause Wiarton
Willy to shriek and become
incontinent, all at the same
time.
I'm -sure you're following
the cloning circus that's
suddenly come to town -
Dolly in Scotland and now
the chicken/quail creature at
the Neuroscience institute in
San Diego.
This last case in which
genetic scientists transplanted
the brain cells of a quail into-
a-chickenis very scary. Think
about it Larry, this is the only
fowl which can now appear
on the same menu as both the
appetizer and the entree,
simultaneously.
You know how much I hate
sports mascots, Larry. If I go
to a baseball game this
summer and get beaked by
the San Diego Quail, I swear,
I'm going to bite a genetic
biologist in the bum.
The scientists tried to justify
their Frankenstein experiment
by claiming: "It cpuld help
people who have brain
damage." But, they won't
have to leave the -lab to find
this sample group. Do you
realize Larry, that if this
cloning thing spreads to
human beings, O:J. Simpson
could clone himself and then
turn one of himself in, thus
making good on his promise
to find the real killer.
Speaking of foul play, the -
crime wave in my hometown
of Port Colborne continues.
Do" you remember the kid
who pulled a knife on Mary,
the 80 -something owner of
Humberstone Fish and Chips
except she pulled a way •
bigger knife and the kid only
stopped running long enough
to answer a few questions by
U.S. Customs officials at the
Peace Bridge? And then we
had the hostage taker who
held police at bay for 38
hours and eventually
realizing he'd forgouen to
actually take somebody
hostage, tried to lure the
police robot into his
apartment with candy? And
then we had the guy who
emptied that Iraqi bingo hall
on the east side by yelling:
"B-52:" (Okay, I made that
up)
Monday night a guy robbed
Malloy's grocery store on
King Street of $120.1'm
going to give you the. facts,
Larry, just the facts: •
- the robber wore no disguise-
-
isguise- the robber carried no
weapon .
- the robber was a regular
customer
-.the robber's face, but not
his name. was known to -the
employee
- the robber is believed to live
in the neighbourhood
Larry, it's now Friday - I'm
not making this up - and the
police have not yet made an
arrest. As you know, I'm no
criminologist bat I say wait a
couple more days. If he's a
regular customer, he'll be
back.
Larry- we both know local
MP Gib Parent who is of
course, Speaker of the
Canadian House of
Commons. A story on the
front page of the local paper
reads: "Gib leaves for second
official visit_ to Cuba." In the
story Gib is quoted as saying
he hopes his trip "will.
MPP Johns believes workfare is a
training component they put
them into it." •
While training is not always
a particular focus of the pro-
gram, opting instead for work
experience with non-profit
community- groups, Johns
said the possibility_ is there
"A number of factors are and will grow.
the focus of"Ontario Works," "We're lookingfor an
she said. "There is a certain " expansion of the program.",
BY CALE COWAN
SSP News Staff
Huron County Tory MPP
Helen Johns remains resolute
in her belief that ,workfare is
a -good thing.
And she has a growing pro-
gram in her own constituency
to back up her claims.
Dubbed Ontario Works, the
program was green -lighted in
Huron late last year as one of
several pilot programs to test
the scheme and it has been an
early success.
The Huron model has
already • been studied by visi-
tors from Oxford County
wanting to learn how to set
up their own system.
"I'm proud of the program
here," Johns said. "There
have been positive comments
from the participants.
The program is still a fledg-
ling in Huron with 44 of an
estimated 300 eligible people
taking part. But that hasn't
slowed Johns' enthusiasm.
"I'm very committed to
Ontario Works," she added.
"It allows people to get a
hand up ... to get some practi-
IliCORRECTION
r NOTICE
We wish to draw your attention
to the error in our current
'1997 Performance Catalogue'
Page 28 - Item 2, Sur -Step
Truck Bumpers, 41-
5245X. Copy reads: Each
129.99 up. Should read:
Each 199.99 up.
We sincerely regret any
inconvenience we may have
caused you.
coots Psrlonnanca C.woglw47 Al Zones
Alzheimer Society
congratulates
the
Prize Winners -from
WALK FOR MEMORIES
for raising the most money
through pledges in
Huron County
1st Prize -1100 Or of shoes
WUERTH SHOES
CHRISTINE McINTYRE, Winghom
2nd Prize -Jogging Suit
ZELLERS
BOB RAPER, Winghtun
3rd Prize -110 gift. art.
WUERTH SHOES
HELEN DYKSTRA, Clinton
Winner of the
IRWIN �Seafo ON
o"MAYOR'S CHALLENGE"
DEB SHEWFELT, Goderich Mayor
PRIZE DONATED BY
TASTEBUDS » CUNTON
CANADIAN TiRE - GODERICH
cal experience."
And while her government
has come under some fire,for
forcing welfare recipients
into "slave labor", Johns
argued the training aspect of
Ontario Works will emerge.
advance the cause of
Parliamentary democracy in
Cuba." Ah, Larry my
memory's not as good as
yours. In any of the
conversations you've had
with Gib, did the subject of
Fidel Castro being a dictator
ever come up? You should
think that in preparation tor
either the first or second trip,
one of his aides might have
whispered in his ear the fact •
that Castro tends to execute
Cubans who mention the
word "democracy".
Now don't get me wrong.
I'm sure the weather will be
fine. the cigars exquisite and
their.Seven Star Rum tastes
more like Cognac. So the trip
won't be a total waste for
Gib. I'm just hoping he won't
be disappointed if Castro -
refuses to surrender to him
and hand over the power to
the Cuban people.
Well it's time to go shovel
the driveway, Larry. -I'm sure
you're just as happy as a
camper, ltungigg by the pool,
squinting through the
sunglasses as Carol comes
out with another jug of
margaritas. That's just great
Larry.
By the way. I came across
an article on Arizona -the
other day -which had a picture
of your state •flower - the '
saguaro or giant cactus: Larry
if you get a chance and 1
think 1 speak for all your
friends up here suffering
• from lung underwear chafing
- sit on one. Okay?
Sincerely. -
Bill.
good thing
She said the governing
'Conservatives want the pro-
gram to go province wide as
soon as possible and remains
confident the early success of
the Huron pilot will help fos-
ter confidence in, the pro
gram.. - -
"We're certainly .looking to
have ail of Ontario -tied in,"
she said.
THE HURON EXPOiiTOR, Mon* MS, 1907-4
MUSCULAR DYSTROPHY
Hopping tor those who cant
Spring is conunyy the Muscular Dystrophy
Assoc. pi Canada and the Seaforth Co-
operative Children's Centre are holding a
HOP-A-THON
Saturday March 290 II am to t:00 pm at the
SEAFORTH FIAF .LL.
This bunny Hop Ib a fun group activity for
young childreir. It combines learning about
the disabled, counting skills, coordination
and most importantly, helping other. Sponsor
sheets can be picked up at the centre. All
funds raised through the MDAC Hop -A -thou
will go towards muscular dystrophy research
and client support services in Ontario. $ach
hopper wilt receive a certificate. The event
includes storytime, craft, the'Hop=a-than,
and a hotdog booth. Sponsor your local
hoppers and be part of the fun...by doing so,
you'll be part of the cure.
For More Info. CA11527-0682
It's Tang Time at
Total Image ,II
We are -pleased to present our new Pricing -Program
Tanning Packages
1 session $6.00 & 5%off tanning products
5 sessions $25.00 & 10% off tanning products
10 sessions -$40.00 & 15% off tanning products
*20 sessions $70.00 & 20% off tanning products
*great value for frequent users, families
preparing for vacation in the sun etc.
*sessions can be -shared- between family
members
We have 2 tanning beds; both purchased new
in spring -of 1996 both have integrated face
tanners and are regularly maintained. "
TOTM IMAGE II
FULL SERVICE SALON
527-0780 Main St. Seaforth
Get Two Doors
VOTED
BEST NEW
PICKUP!
.MNn M Gn•••.
X5tap 7.000
to
Mowry ew Lim*
tsik
• WITH AUTOMATIC AND AIR CONDITIONING! csNNWik
• 4.2L 205 hp V6 • Power Steering Ory
• 8' Cargo Box • Rear -Wheel ABS
• Dual Airbags - With • Chrome Bumpers 5
Passenger -Side Deactivator • AMiFM Stereo Cassette
PLUS NO -CHARGE XLS PACKAGE!
• 1wo lute Paint • Colour •Kcred 5oelys,de Mouldnly,
• Ch,ome Styled Steel Wheels • 60)40 Cloth Split Bench Seo,
rd Door
Thi A
With
With A Thi
For $49 More!
MORE POWER MORI
VEHICLE
ROOM
'97 F-150 XIS
tiIAN CHEVY
CHEVY GK 1500
& t)OO(.,E'
DODGE RAM
HORSEPOWER
20S O 4750 RPM
200 O 4400 RPM
175 a 4800 RIMA
TORQUE (Ib.it)
260.3000 RPM
255 O 2900 RPM
230 O 3200 RPM
CARGO *E0 SPACE (cu.ft.)
72.6
69.8
70.3
CHOW,' YOUR t,SERIES
Downpaymant
or • ulvalent trade
EI.ASI
Month y
Re • ular Cab
PAYMENT
Payment'
SuperCeb
5209
5258
51 Soo
260
5209
S 0
5376
See Your Ontario Ford fit Mercury Dealers
ICANADA'S �(
►7 TRUCK LEADERS!' I�
FORD
MERCURY
•4.. roti a s....,.t' W. t*'1,4 .l•b n•d^' I P 105 ...t, rw PI,'^ M., la)sirtr bard a• 24 ••ori* 4aw r...,, rad fn+e is v.VArt rn« tewn w*pond ,.$4 1w+ ,0V00 "d 11,Ot Iw yr ow AM*, .i,d.e:r Ipp,, UM/ dvever-vm r vvivsa + Slee ,Nod
I.,e.a•.►.r"•-er•d,«✓•r eeeo,r.M'•d'•Pprowrwtilom AI Livet+s1,•rt4.41* F1, WA Illlri/2t.IS ones caw tMI4 k0 sur.nel rd AIMUN.taw Mar .trow a Wb Non v...e C-. 04, Sr MMn be�100114...1. 111.,1arecr
M dr.4ae'nOit worm- v'.,'",. neored erree•,r. &'. Y1 Ier.ki Iord.ral C ( 4. *Ha fo.p., 05000' 5001,d 111 MSI NMNM MptSWon& 'M' 0.01 VP *wee *Noe 4fo-tnN,&cos FI 50r 0M Mk 10S'.. O'00,bA5