Loading...
HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Huron Expositor, 1996-08-14, Page 51 • .• • Do You Remember • • • Old Bill the Dublin -Staff(' post man CONTINUED from last week. Then there came a time when,Old Bill became a man of greater importance. He even knew it himself, because he became responsi- ble for the carrying of Her Majesty's mail. One forenoon we saw him come over the hill to the post office. We also observed that everything about him looked old - horse, buggy, harness, whip. The whole outfit, no, not every- thing, because the brass pad- lock that fastened the head of the mail hag and bore the Queen's insignia glistened in the sunlight and appeared to be brand new. Every lawful day about ten o'clock in the morning he might be seen coming over the brow of the village hill and on down to the mist office. It being an irksome thing for him to get in or out of the buggy, our uncle, the storekeeper, usually came to - the rescue by attending to the hag with its precious con- tents. Everything having been attended to, he would contin- ue his journey to Dublin. it was his custom while there to make Con. Prendergast's hotel headquarters. Here he could stable and feed the horse, regale himself with a glass of beer, get his dinner and a new Havana cigar, all at a cost of less than 50 cents. • After dinner he. would chat and smoke for awhile; then gather the mail and run the cast bound and west bound trains and start the homeward trip. The horse would walk slowly along the street till over the railway tracks, then break into a monotonous jog, Ay Keith McPhail McLean which it kept up mile after mile, across the bridges near Sadler's brickyard, over Gallagher's hill, on past the red, clap -board schoolhouse and then to the village. Having completed his duties at the post office he would shout "Giddap 'ere; giddap!" to the horse and proceed to Cromarty, where the post office was in the home of Alexander Parke. at the corner. This was consid- ercd an important distributing centre, because it was here that the mail was collected for Chiselhurst. it was taken there by Allan Humerson, who usually put it in a box attached to a sulky. From Cromarty Old Bill would continue his trip straight southward to the boundary, turn eastward and then south- ward again into Farquhar to finish the day. Betimes the mail man took passengers as well as mail. if Old Bill were especially lucky he might have four or• live of them during the week. Often no doubt, he consid- ered it unlucky, because although the fee seemed to be 25 cents for any distance, quite frequently all he got was what:he used to call a 'lick and a promise.' One summer afternoon the doctor when returning from a sick room north of Dublin came across the mailman seated on a grass knoll, while the horse grazed leisurely close at hand. Being ih his cups and oblivious of the doctor's approach, he contin- ued his talk to an empty black bottle held between his hands. "They do be wunderin' whut countryman Old Bill bees, do they? Well by the Crim a ghosts we'll try to tell 'em. Hif the label how this bottle say it be Hirish whiskey, then hol be Hirish; but hif the brand says it bees Scotch, then hoi be Scotch., • She baint nuther so fur es hoi kin see, then neither be hoi. Hoi be just plain mongrel, that's what hoi bees." The mail man came late to thc village that day. Our uncle being somewhat impa- tient over the matter, did not notice that he sat more erect than usual and started straight ahead. When the hag was replaced Old Bill shouted louder and huskier than usual; "Giddap 'ere, giddap!" in a minute he passed over the hill, no one knowing his real condition, other than the doctor. Old Bill had occasionally said enough to indicate that his mind dwelt much on ser- vice in the Crimean War. His real nationality, however, was often a subject of debate without a definite conclusion being reached. One afternoon our uncle hurried to get the mail. He lifted thc lid at the hack of the buggy; then asked: "Where's the hag, Bill?" The mail man never answered. He was silent for a moment. Then reaching for the whip. turned the horse round and bellowed, "Giddap." He had forgotten to lift the bag at Dublin. Recently while recalling early episodes a friend smil- ingly told that he and his chum when quite young men attempted a prank on the mail man. At the foot ofthe mountain they met Old Bill and decided to relieve him of the mail. One took the bag while the other held the horse. The whip was applied viciously to the culprit reach- ing for the bag, but in vain. The boys started for the woods with their prize. Soon they began to realize the seri- ousness of their act and shouted for Old Bill to wait until they got back. Peace was restored by the return of the bag. The boys were assured by.him that the prank would remain a secret, because he knew that boys • would be boys. In summer when meadows were green and skies were blue Old Bill jogged along, his thoughts on what one might only guess. in winter when blizzards raged and blocked the roads, as they often did, he took to the fields, driving over zig-zag, rail fences completely.cov- ered by drift. At times the cutter would upset, casting him into hugh drifts of snow. Then again he would have to walk in spells, no easy task for him. Thcre were times when he struggled and swore, swore and struggled; but usu- ally. he got through. THere were occasions when he made the grade 'to Dublin, only to find that while he had succeeded, the trains had ,failed. Independence Day :saves ,ourAmericaungrateful butts There arc days when I wakc ,up, look across thc lake and wonder if we're living next to thc descendants of George Washington or several mil- lion guys namcd Buhba with handguns stuffed between their guts and their bullet belts. The hottest movie now playing in the United States is Independence Day, a film in which America graciously saves the world from a mas- sive alien invasion. If you have not seen this movie, imagine Star Wars . meets ET and smokes the lit- tle bugger. Imagine Yankee Doodle Dandy teams up with Rocky and the ghost of John Wayne to win one for the. Gipper. Imagine Thelma and Louise go intergalactic. Imagine patriotism 'til ya puke. I saw Independence Day in Jamestown. New York, on July 4th and except for an unfortunate incident in the parking lot where some locals fired shots at my fcct and made me sing America The Beautiful while they yelled "Dance. cowboy • Dance!",1 made it back across the border to file this report. From the outset, it is never explained why the aliens were invading so you have to imagine they desperately need something America has an abundance of — like homeless people or all -beef patties on a sesame seed bun. We don't know. Perhaps the aliens come • down to kidnap and perform sexual experiments on presi- dential hopeful Ross Perot. Again. Maybe they just got sick of hearing You Ain't Nothing But A Hound Dog and they wcrc returning Elvis to Graceland. It's just a hunch hut I think the aliens decided on a pre- emptive strike on thc United States before the National Rifle Association led by Pat Buchanan and a Montana militia group went up there and started indiscriminately strafing their craters. Fbr whatever reason aliens invade America by miracu- lously cracking their secret •satellite defence system. The audience knows this is possi- ble because in real life high school kids in New Jersey do it all the time. The aliens arc America's worst nightmare: freakish - looking, hug -eyed slime lizards oozing mucous and expelling evil toxins. In other words. to America,'these for - Construction tender accepted • Hullett Council accepted thc tender price of $10,304.10 from Lloyd Jacklin Construction, for road construction on sidcroad 15/16 last month. A tile -drainage loan appli- cation of $4,2(0 for the west part of lot 12 and the cast of lot 13, on Conc. 13, was also approved. Council instructed the clerk to send a letter to the trans- portation ministry and Huron MPP Helen Johns about the condition of the bridge on Highway 4 at Londesboro. The township decided municipal meetings "should he held in the evening and not during daytime business hours, if at all possible." Council also passed a bylaw regulating parking on highways in the township. cigners look exactly like any- body now doing business with- the country of Cuba. 'Except at no point docs Senator Jesse Helms (Motto: my ideas are so outdated, I got some of them from Bob Dole) tell the alien leaders that unless they leave imme- diately, their kids can't visit Disneyland. Although it's easy for somebody who has seen Independence Day to say that the producers pulled off every patriotic stunt in the book of Stateside self love, • this is just not true. For instance, once the super shield protecting the alien spaceships is broken, Babe Ruth did not, I repeat did not, walk out of a corn field and, hit a nuclear -juiced baseball high over the centrefield fence and into the mouth of the monster. And at no point does a marching band led by John Philip Sousa and playing Stars and Stripes Forever lead American troops into action against the aliens. . (Due to a run on American flags, Betsy Ross does how- ever moon the Pentagon) And just for the record, thc aliens attacked by air. They did not creep up and start shooting from bchind a grassy knoll. No there are a lot of things in the war of the worlds the Americans could have done but didn't. Like halfway through the movie with the aliens still winning, there was no half- time show and no television reporters who went into the aliens locker room to ask them how they felt at that Public service decreases 7.8% The size of the federal gov- ernment public service decreased by 7.8 per cent in the year preceding this April according to the annual . report released by Treasury Board president Marcel Masse earlier this month. At the end of March Canada's public service employed 207,977. • very moment. Neither Coke nor Nike nor AT&T were announced as the official sponsor of their inter- galactic dust up. And contrary what you may have heard, the U.S. military does not take an alien hostage and does not thcn threaten the invaders than if they're not out of American airspace by midnight, they'd kill Dennis Rodman. And the best is, the produc- ers of Independence Day showed great restraint at the end of the movie in not hav- ing the president of the - United States make a con- gratulatory phone call t� the conquering American heroes once they saved all of our global butts from alien domi- nation. No this did not happen because — and I'm not mak- ing this up —at the end of the movie thc president of the United States climbs into an F -I8 fighter jet and flies off to kill a few slime balls him- self. God save America. and us from them in the meantime. THE HURON IXPO$tTOR, August 14, 1111111-4 Ministry of Natural Resources May be confusion over controlled deer hunt and. . selective harvest Many area hunters "may have applied for the wrong deer hunt by mistake. It's got the Wingham office of Ontario's Ministry of Natural Resources worried enough that officials sent out a warning last Friday. "There is a concern that some hunters may have unin- tentionally applied for the wrong deer hunt using the new telephone application system," the ministry press release states. The Wingham office "has observed a notable increase in the num- her of applications for the selective harvest draw for deer hunting." • The selective harvest and controlled hunt are different things, with different applica- tion deadlines. The deadline for the selec- tive harvest is past. Hunters were encouraged to enter that draw by using this new tele- phone application system. "The controlled deer hunt is locally referred to as.the'gun hunt'," the ministry press release continues. You can't apply for this hunt by phone. Applications must he in to the Wingham ministry office by 4:30 p.m. on Sept. 3. • "Examples of management units in the HuronfPerth area with selective harvest draws for the gun season are 84 and 82." says the ministry. "There arc also opportunities for selective harvest deer hunts in areas with an archery hunt. Locally; this would include areas 85 and 86 during the - archery season." Confused? Questions can.he directed to Natural Resources ,at 357- 3131. R.P.'s CARPENTRY Ron Pryce 527-0974 Roofing, Renovations, Custom Built Homes, Decks, Interior/Exterior Trim, Cabinet, Farm Buildings R.R. #4, Walton, On NOK 1Z0 . Fax: 527-0679 DENNIS FISCHER CONSTRUCTION •Custom Homes *Additions *Drywall *Renovations *Agricultural •Cement. Work *Aluminum Work *Roofing •Trim Call 519-348-9719 - Today! Licensed Carpenter Mitchell You are invited to the GRAND OPENING of the purple turtle Thurs. Aug. 15 9:30 to 5:30; Fri. Aug. 16 9:30 to 9:00; Saturday Aug. 17 9:30 to 5:30 Specializing in children's wear Baby to size 16. Toys & Books. New Proprietors Betty Thomson & Jackie Taylor 235-1500 355 Main St., Exeter ( the p tunrtle Don't miss it! JOHN A.M. NORRIS, C.A. is pleased to announce that Shawn W. Lester, C.A. has joined his firm, providing a full range of accounting, auditing, taxation and computer services for business, farm and professional clients. Shawn would like to renew old friendships and make new acquaintance ;. If you would like to meet Shawn or another member of the firm, please contact us at 370 Main Street South Exeter, Ontario NOM 1S7 (519) 235-3240 or 1-800-661-6344 THE EASY TO READ TELEPHONE DMCM2Y HELP YO CUSTOMERS FIND YOU!!! In the 1997 Easy to Read Telephone Directory Reach over 10.000 homes and businesses with our low, low rates. For more information contact Terri, Mary, or Larry. 527-0240 t