HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Huron Expositor, 1996-04-03, Page 5ESCORT
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Automatic Transmission
Dual Airbags
Dual Electric Mirrors
Power Steering
Light Group
AM/FM Stereo with Clock
Aluminum Sport Wheels
60/40 Split Rear Seat
Rear Seat Heat Ducts.
Tachometer
1.9 Litre Engine
NLR�GON
vP`.E
CV- 41E4
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Air Conditioning
Power Windows & Locks
Luggage Rack or Rear Spoiler
Colour Keyed -Side Mouldings
Child -Safety Rear Door Locks
24 Hour Roadside Assistance
And More!
I
1996 ESCORT LX WAGON
iv
•
1996 ESCORT LX
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immurnuommini
... , .., ....., .,..,., , .. . ....... ........•....:... ...
A criminal in your own
Normally, I'm in a pretty
good mood when I pen the
words that fill this space but
today!s topic is not a laugh-
ing matter.
No, today I discovered that
a serious breach of privacy -
indeed -a criminal act - may
have been committed right
here in my own home.
You know, you live with
somehody for years and you
think you know that person,
and one day you wake up to
-find fine dazed and demonic -
looking, hiding behind a door
.and holding a soapstone carv-
ing of a loon ... oh, sorry.
That's what happens in Aline
Chretien's home.
In my home, it would
appear I'm the victim of mail
fraud. That's right. Just the
thought of a -stranger with his
filthy hands allover my per-
sonal belongings ... not only
do you feel violated when
mail fraud is involved, you
feellike your face has been
licked by a fat inside worker
with postage glue breath. _
I received a package, clearly
addressed tome with proper
address, postal. code ctc.
Having taken official
receipt of the aforementioned.
package containing promo-
tional material and a bag of
samples of a pct nutrition -
product, I placed the bulky
envelope, hereafter referred
to as Exhibit A. on my
alleged bed for thc purpose of
late night perusal whereupon-,
at precisely 4:34 p.m. on thc
day in question, I interdicted
a crime pursuant to section
8.3.10 of the Canada Post .
Violation Code which hereby
states that any article of
domestic post forthwith and
knowingly recepticated by ...,
Jack Webb entering this col-
umn without a search war-
rant."Just the facts, ma'am.
Just the facts."
Okay ... that little bugger
Weggie ate the corner of the
envelope, pulled out the plas-
tic bag of sample'treats and
ate them, leaving crumbs all
over my comforter! And I'm
not real pleased about it.
The first thing I did was call
the CANUSA representative .
to find.out if they were
manipulating the levels of
organic zinc which would
drive an addicted cat to com-
mit such a crime. I told her -
what had happened. She was
aghast. (But she wasn't slur-
ring her words or anything.'
which was good.) •
She said: "Let me -get this
straight. We sent you samples
- and promotional material of
CANUSA, our new pet nutri-
-tional product, we put the
.correct address and postage
on the envelope and YOU
RECEIVED 1T!?!"
• Oh boy, now we've got two
Canada Post investigations in
the works. -
When Canada Post told me -
it was out of their hands
(what a sense of humour) I
phoned the police.
I explained the situation and
the officer was most accom-
modating ... he said he'd
come right over and shoot the
cat. That's when I realized.
I'd somehow been patched
into the police in Buffalo;
New Yirk. -
The officer on duty at the -
Iocal.police station was much
more helpful. And intuitive
"So we're dealing with a
cat burglar here." he said.
"How atx►ut theft under -
55,000?" suggested the desk
sergeant. •
"Well," I•said, "it was a
pretty small sample bag. It
would be more like theft
$4,998.01 under $5,000."
"You could do what a lot of
people do at this point in the -
crime.... throw in a Rolex and
some diamond rings for good
measure."
I knew two things. Wcggie
was not a jewel thief. And if
he ever figured out the barter,
system .. carats for cat treats
Letter to the Editor
Commission ignores
real statistics on women
Dear Editor,
The Canadian Human
Rights Commission needs to
get its facts straight.
In its recent annual report,
the Commission noted that
the average wage of women
is 70 per ccnt of men's and
blames this difference on dis-
crimination against women.
Other statistics. which the
Commission ignored. dis-
prove the discrimination the-
ory.
A recent StatsCan report
shows that never married.
university educated women
earn, on average, 95% of
what men with the same
attributes earn. As well.
women, under thc age of 24
. working full time earn 91 per
cent as much as men of thc
same age.
Other figures show that
for certain age classes, never
Residents enjoy services
married women actually cam
more than comparable men
do. -
Where's the wage discrim-
ination against women in
these instances?
Clearly the difference in
earnings between men and
women is caused by factors
other than discrimination on
thc basis of sex.
The major. cause of the
difference. in fact. is marital
status. The voluntary institu-
tion of marriage tends to
increase the earnings of men
and depress those of women.
The Human Rights com-
mission may not like it but
this difference in earnings
will persist as long as the tra-
ditional family exists.
Sincerely.
David Somerville
President. The National
Citizens' Coalition
Residents have enjoyed
the Lenten church services
provided by •our clergy dur-
ing thc past month leading up
to Eastcr..During March the
residents enjoyed baking car-
rot muffins at Baking Club.
Bingo also was a favourite
activity with the assistance of
our volunteers.
Musical entertainment was
provided .by Marion, Rose.
Bill Gibson, Carol Carter and
,Gladys Van Egmond's hand.
Gladys was given the
Volunteer. of the Month
award who came to play for
thc residents even though her
husband was in the hospital.
We thank Gladys for her ded-
ication to our residents and
(Seaforth Manor
Nursing Home
wish her husband a speedy
recovery.
The visit of the Seaforth
Nursery School children is
always a highlight of ur
month's activities. he
Harmony King's 'Wes •ard
Ho' performance at the arena
provided a wonderful after-
noon of music and skits to
end our March activities.
Happy Easter to all from
everyone at Seaforth Manor
Nursing Home.
....that's where he was head-
ed. --
"Ah: here we go," said the •
sergeant, "private mischief."
Private mischief! It's like
they hada file on the little
deviate. It Weggie's little
operation ever expanded to
the point where he needed an
office, that's how the name
plate on his desk would read:
"Weggie Thomas - Private
Mischief."
."Yeah, here it is: `Everyone
commits mischief who wil-
fully destroys or damages -
property',' said the officer.
"Let's add the leather chair
with the scratches, the broken.
fish platter from Portugal. _
four screendoors, plus the
case of wine he hasn't let me
near for five months, and go
hack to that 'theft under
$5,000' thing." I suggested.
-"Either way, we can nail
him, two years less a day." he
said.
I wonderedif this was -stan-
dard' punishment. "For axe
murderers. who confess," he
said.
- What if he doesn't confess''
- What -if he gets a lawyer? I
wondered.
The desk sergeant lapsed
into a fit of laughter that
sounded -like an asthma •
attack. - - -
When -he was able to speak
again. he said: "That cat gets
a lawyer? Think about it.
Suddenly it's you that's Mold-
ing an empty plastic hag of
treats that was clearly intend-
ed for the cat? 1:m sorry hut
you're going to -jail, son."
:'Maybe t'll just give him a
good talking to, and send him
to bed without his supper." 1
suggested. -
"Good idea," said the -
sergeant; "as long as the
- lawyer doesn't find out!"
I
SNOW
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1 19 9 7
FAN
THE HURON EXPOSITOR, April 3, 1996-5
1-800463-0626 Thedford
1-800-823-8369 London
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LOVE youR EscoRT
FORD
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