The Huron Expositor, 1995-11-08, Page 5Happyhunting with Weggie the cat
I am not a paranoid person
although the fact that I've neve
seen Premier Mike Harris and
Congressional House Speaker
Newt Gingrich in the same
room at the same time makes
me a little nervous. (It would be
great though eh? — Mike's lips
moving and Newt drinking the
glass of water!)
The other morning I was on
my usual Weggie patrol — pac-
ing up and down that section of
Lakeshore Road between my
cat and the field across the
street.
Much like a stupid bank rob-
ber I'in wearing bright clothes
and no mask; I have a gun (a
starter's pistol) and a pocket full
of rocks.
Ideally, if I can spot him
before he goes over the road, I
fire off a couple of shots and
follow up with two rocks
thrown behind his frantically
fleeing bum.
Although it's never actually
worked that way, it's never
stopped me from trying.
The fear of one day scooping
his tire -treaded body off the
road keeps this plan viable, not
to mention dangerous.
A few days earlier, a police-
man drove by very slowly. Had
he noticed the gun, and jumped
out and drawn his own — you'd
now be reading about the most
one-sided duel in history.
When the pacing stops I
assume a menacing position,
gun at the ready, right beside
the creek that runs from the
Field, under the road into the
lake.
Weggie's favorite hunting
ground is located where the
field banks down to the creek.
Letter
Lining dog's
crate harder now
Dear Editor,
No. 101 in the uses for the
paper - to line a dog's crate!
And that's the reason I
don't like the new size - now
I have to use more paper to
cover - have a heart!
D.F. Bassett
Women turn to
cigar smoking
Continued from page 4
sisters are unable and will
never be able to get over the
fact that men have something
they do not, and for that par-
ticular reason seem to take
particular pleasure in snatching
for themselves, at any oppor-
tunity, what rightly belongs to
the male species - even down
to the smallest pleasures: con-
doms, Jockey underwear...and
now cigars."
ROMANTIC SCUMBAG?
Right after sports I like to
turn to Letters to the Editor
sections, where some of the
most passionate and best
writing in print can be found.
For instance, a gentleman
from Winnipeg took exception
to the way someone by the
name of Lewis had described
his home as bush league and
rather provincial, so got down
and dirty by responding in The
Globe and Mail:
"...I will point out that Mr.
Lewis is from England, a place
where nearly everybody has
teeth like burned baked beans
and where Marmite, boiled
beef and sausages made of
sawdust, are considered to be
delicacies, and that Mr. Lewis
makes his home in France, a
country that built the Maginot
Line and bestows its highest
honours upon Jerry Lewis."
Yet another gentleman in the
Globe's letter page took excep-
tion to this year's popular film
Rob Roy (if you haven't seen it
and you like a good story, well
told - do so, just for the
cinematography and Cunnin-
gham, the English mercenary
for the Marquis of Montrose,
an Oscar -deserving perfor-
mance by Tim Roth - the best
villain by far I've seen on
screen in a long while) which
he felt was historically inac-
curate, because as he waxed
poetic:
"...another cheap gangster is
mythologized. Is there no end
to the cinematic glorification of
these scumbags? The historic
Rob Roy MacGregor was a
cowardly, murdering extor-
tionist. cheat and liar who
betrayed everyone with whom
he came in contact. The best
portrayal of the roal Rob Roy
can be found in Robert Louis
Stevenson's Catriona, a neces-
sary antidote to the over-
romaticized, sentimental
vapourings of Sir Walter
Scou's Rob Roy, which was
written as an apologia for the
Campbells and the Dukes of
Argyll, whose henchman Rob
Roy had been."
Well, sorrrrryl But Iikc 1
always say, history is written
by the winners. The letter must
been penned by a MacDonald.
r
That's where the mice, the
birds, the bugs, the frogs and
the guppies come together.
For Weggie, it's like the all -
you -can -eat chicken and
seafood special at Red Lobster.
That's when I heard some
rustling behind me and turned
around to see him on the bot-
tom of the dried-up creek bed,
across the road.
But of course that could Dot
be, because I was standing right
there all the time. He couldn't
possibly have got past me and
gone over the road, not without'
the help of David Copperfield.
After carefully analyzing the
situation I realized he did not
get over the road.
He went under the road.
The exceptionally hot sum-
mer had dried up the creek.
Unbeknownst to me, like every-
thing else this little deviate
does, Weggie had once again
beaten the system.
For most of the summer and
all of the fall, Weggie had been
crossing the road in a technical-
ly legal manner.
Our deal was, under no cir-
cumstances was he ever to go
over this thoroughfare.
So by simply walking up the
creek and through the culvert
— in effect going under the,
aforementioned venue to the
party of the second part, subse-
quent to an appeal by a court-
appointed arbitrator to deter-
mine wrongful house arrest by
the plaintiff in this case the lit-
tle bugger found a loophole in
the law.
Now I'm looking straight at
him when he puts a paw up in
the air.
• Oh sure, you could say he
Letter to th editor
was simply jabbing at a spider
in a web but I could swear I
heard him say, paw raised: "I
am 100 per cent not guilty,
Lance ... I mean, Bill."
Now all sorts of things start
racing through my mind.
Like is there such a thing as a
cat lawyer?
And knowing Weggie is
guilty as sin, would I have to sit
through some sort of kangaroo
court case, listening to a slick
feline attorney throw catchy lit-
tle rap lines at me like: "If he
went under, then it's your blun-
der!" or: "If there's justice for
the meek, then you're up the
creek!"
Exactly how smart is this cat?
Sitting there practically waving
at me, I figured he's the only cat
alive who will someday be
charged with flea collar crime
— and get off!
I started thinking back to
some other suspicious circtun-
stances, like the day he came
home with two mice dangling
from his mouth. (Honest, 1 have
a witness).
Now I'm wondering - was he
in the middle of killing the fust
one when the second one sur-
prised him?
Blood on the patio, cat hair
fibers on the mice — if Weggie
wore socks I'd probably find
them on the bedroom floor.
Anyway I started down the
bank to grab him and he bolter!
straight through the culvert
back to our side of Lakeshore
Road.
I cocked my arm to give him
a couple of hard incentives but I
stopped when I heard a squeaky
little voice say: "I would not,
could not and did not do this
crime!"
Oh, he did it alright. He
crossed the line.
But as any good vet will tell
you, only if you see him do it
and punish him right there on
the spot, only then is punish-
ment effective.
Orastheforemanofthejury
would probably say: "Oh he
probably went under, but the
whole thing makes you wonder.'
Ten minutes later he was sit-
ting at the window of opportu-
nity — sorry, the door — acting
like nothing bad happened.
Oh yeah, he did it alright. He
knows he did it. I know he did
it. We all know he did it. And
there's not a damn thing that
can be done.
Crime and punishment.
Sometime they just miss each
other for no good reason at all.
Victorian feast fundraiser enjoyed by all
Dear Editor,
I would like to draw your
attention to a very unusual
event which occurred on
Saturday evening Nov. 4. The
event was a Victorian Feast
served in the beautiful
Victorian home of Patricia
and Peter Nott in Seaforth.
The feast was prepared by
Patricia, and her husband
Peter, resplendent in formal
attire, was the butler
Guests were chauffered to
the feast by Robert Shepherd
and Christopher Smith, both
of Seaforth, in luxury
automobiles. The event was
planned to replicate an
evening similar to one that
may have been enjoyed by
the late Queen Victoria and
Usborne &
Hibbert Mutual
Fire Insurance
Company
Exeter, Ontario NOM 1S1
(Established in 1876)
Provides Full Insurance
Coverage tor
Farm Properties
New Applications Are Welcomed
DIRECTORS & ADJUSTORS
Larry Gardner, R R. 2 Staffa
Morris Mobs, RR. 2 S. Pauls
Lome Feeney, Michel
Jack Hodgen, R R 1 Kallen
Joe Challe, R R. 5 Michel
Michael O'Shea, R R 3 Granton
AGENTS
Wayne Maver, Exeter
John Moore, Outin
Joseph Uniac, Michel
Head Office, Exeter
345-2678
393-6548
348-8853
229-6152
348-9705
225-2600
235-1915
345-2512
348-9012
235-0350
A refund from surplus was
declared for all policy hold-
ers who qualify, are on
record and in good standing
as at December 31, 1994.
her consort, Prince Albert, in
their week -end retreat on the
Isle of Wright.
The six -course pheasant
dinner was delicious, with
proper sauces and trimmings,
all artfully prepared in her
kitchen by Patricia and
graciously served by Peter.
Dinner music was provided
by Carol Carter at the piano.
It truly was a feast fit for a
Queen. Mrs. and Mr. Nott are
to be commended for
generously sharing their
talents, their time, and their
home to assist a local
organization to help people in
our community.
The event was initiated by
Hospice of Huron to raise
funds to further the work of
GROWER PESTICIDE
SAFETY
COURSE
Sponsored by:
MILTON J. DIETZ LTD.
RR,#4, Seaforth
519-522-0608
DATES
Thursday, December 7, 1995
Thursday, January 18, 1996
Thursday, February 15, 1996
Thursday, March 14, 1996
We are still waiting for a
written statement from the
Ministry of Environment and
Energy regarding the
legislative changes Re the
certification of all persons
on the farm handling
pesticides.
CALL TO REGISTER
or
For More Information
ONE TOUCH®
CANADA'S #1 BRAND
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Regular Price: 44444 -
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SEAFORTH, ONTARIO.
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(519)527-1990
their organization. The
objective of Hospice of
Huron is to help persons who
are terminally ill and their
families. Tickets had been
sold, a Victorian Feast for
Four, the prize.
The winning ticket was
purchased by Carol Hunt of
Winthrop, who in addition to
her husband Francis,
generously invited her
parents, Ruby and Gordon
Hill of Varna. Mr. Editor, it
was a most enjoyable
everting. I would:. encourage
that it be repeated and that
everyone who enjoys fine
food and warm hospitality
buy a ticket.
Gordon Hill
TNR HURON RXPO$lTOA, Nov*mbar •, 10N11-4
Huron bus goes to Cuba
If you're on holidays in Cuba
sometime before spring, don't
be surprised if you see a bus
sporting the Huron . County
Board of Education logo.
Schools in the county raised
$1,000 to buy a surplus bus to
send to the country with a
shipment of humanitarian sup-
plies last July. Trustees agreed
the bus, which normally would
have been sold by public auc-
tion, could be used for this
charity.
Something New
SEAFORTH
COMMUNITY
CHURCH
SUNDAY 10:00 AM
Sunday Time, Singing by the lessons,
Stories, Object lessons, etc.
FOR ALL AGES - OPEN SESSIONS
11:00 AM Praise & Worship
Topic: Jesus is coming - Where will you be?
THURSDAY 7:00 PM
Bible Teaching & Prayer
Topic: What is Heaven Like - are you going?
Come as you are...a warm welcome
Paster: Bill Hauser
TOWN OF
SEAFORTH
NOTICE
•PARKING
•SNOW REMOVAL
1) To facilitate SNOW REMOVAL residents are reminded
that By -Law No. 26 for 1991 as amended prohibits
parking on all town streets from November 1st to April
15th between the hours of 2:00 A.M. and 6:00 A.M.
Motor vehicles left on streets are subject to parking
tickets and may be towed.
Notice is hereby given that the Municipality will not be
responsible for any damage caused to parked vehi-
cles as the result of snow removal operation.•
2) As per By -Law No. 19 for 1987 residents are remind-
ed that it is an offence to deposit snow, ice or debris
from private property onto Town Streets or Sidewalks.
Partners In Business
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527-0489
Anna Hamilton,
Owner/Operator of
Anna's Dress Shoppe
in Seaforth
succesfully uses our
hometown newspaper
"The Huron Expositor"
to deliver her
advertising message.
Anna recently ran a
full page ad in the
Expositor to invite
customers to her
Early Bird Sale. The
results were fantastic!
Anna is pleased with
the results she gets
when advertising in
the Expositor. To start
getting the most for
your advertising
dollar, call The
Huron Expositor
today, 527-0240.
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