The Huron Expositor, 1995-10-11, Page 501.)iulion
wno neeas come ay duns
Ari Linkletter is back in busi-
ness; I heard him on the radio
the other day. Ages ago. Art
Linkletter had a hit television
program entitled "Kids Say The
Darndest Things." Spinning off
the TV show with books,
albums and a speaking career,
he became a millionaire by lis-
tening to what children say.
Apparently no kid ever 'say;
"What's my cut Mr.
Linkletter?"
But Art was right — out of
the mouths of babes come real
beauties. And parents too, espe-
cially in their notes t� teachers.
Somebody sent me this list of
actual excuses American par-
ents included in notes to teach-
ers explaining the absence of
their kids. It's compiled by
Knight-Ridder Newspaper.
(Warning: - the material con-
tained within this listing may
indicate that these parents have
the same reasoning ability and
attention span of an O.J. juror.
Any similarity is purely coinci-
dental.) •
Here are but a few:
• Please excuse Blanche from
gym today. She is administrat-
ing.
• Please excuse John from
being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30,
31,32 andalso33.
• Excuse Gloria. She has
been under the doctor.
• Please excuse Jimmy for
being. It was his father's fault.-
• My daughter was absent yes-
terday because she was tired.
She spent the weekend
w i t h t h e M a r i n e s.
• Please excuse Sara for being
absent: She was sick and I had
her shot.
• Carlos was absent because he
was playing football. He was
hit in the growing , part.
• Please excuse Ray Friday
from school. He has very loose
vowels.
Please understand; those
were simply errors in written
communication. I checked.
Nobody got shot, pregnant or.
traumatised. And you'll be
pleased to know that Carlos'
part did finally stop growing on
February 42nd.
But kids....kids is where the
real komedy's at.
A couple summers ago I had
the pleasure of hearing Jerry
Robinson, head of the
Cartoonists & Writers
Syndicate of America, lecture
on his Flube and Fluffs comic
strips. -
Jerry Robinson did some-
thing only a handful of men in
the history of civilization have
done — he listened to his wife.
She was a teacher, he was a car-
toonist and together they col-
laborated on a weekly strip that
when we have schools?
lasted 17 years.
Jerry would simply take a
real gem that one of his wife's
students had mangled on a test
paper and create a cartoon
around it.
(Warning: the material con-
tained within this listing may
indicate that the kids who made
these statements -were
MacCauley Culkin and his
brothers after a three-day drunk
at home alone. Any similarity is
purely coincidental.) ,
Here then are a few of those
• The astronauts float around in
the cabin of the space shin due
to a state of witlessness.
• In 1588 Spain sent an armadil-
lo to defeat England.
• Magellan circumcized
the world three times.
• The garage near our house has
an expert maniac on duty
24 hours a day.
• The witness refused to talk on
the grounds that what he said
might incinerate, him.
• Crusoe was once shipwrecked
on an island but eventually
went on to become a- great
opera singer.
• In Biology today we digested
a whole frog.
• George Washington was one
of our original floundering
f a t h e r s.
• Caesar was victorious in the
Garlic Wars.
• Bach has 27 children, he prac-
tised on his spinster up in the
a t t i c .
• McCormick invented the
mechanical raper. It did the job
of 17 men.
In conclusion I would just
like to say — don't be too hard
on your creative mistakes, espe-
cially your children.
Hey! Who needs comedy
clubs when we have schools?
Government plan 'major step .backwards in equity'
Continued from page 4
Teachers, a -highly feminist
organization which also
concerns itself with the rights
of women, children . and
minorities, is very worried that
the latter will be harmed by
this government's proposed
cuts to health, education and
social services. •
In addition, replacing the
Employment Equity Act with a
non -legislative equal
opportunity plan is a major
step backwards for equity in
this province. The federation
believes that, too often in
difficult economic times, it is
those groups who havt
traditionally . been victims of •
gender, age, disability dr racial '
discrimination which -accrue
losses to their hard-won rights.
According to the Throne
Speech, Mike Harris'
government, under the guise of
fiscal responsibility, is
determined to put money back
into the classroom, to
streamline top-heavy
administration and bureaucracy,.
to reduce waste and
inefficiency and thus to reduce
overall costs while maintaining
high-quality classroom
education for students.
On the Huron front, at a
recent meeting with MLA
Helen Johns, trustees and
Board administrators
demonstrated .that only 3% of
the Huron County Board's
finances are indeed spent on
administration, compared with
up to 46% in metropolitan
areas with a broader industrial
tax base. This means that
somewhere around 97% of
Huron taxpayers' money is
funnelled into the classroom!
The Throne Speech
unfavourably compares our
Ontario education system (once
again!) with that of Japan - a
country where the government
neither educates nor tests one
third of its population, and
where the suicide rate among
students is one of the highest
in the world!,
The Huron Women Teachers'
Association is proud of the
work which our members have
done in providing a quality
education for their students.
Despite the financial burdens
and streamlining which have
been mandated by cuts in
government grants, and the
much lower dollar amount
spent per pupil compared to
urban areas, Huron County
students have scored among the
highest in the Province. on
Grade 9 Reading and Writing
Tests! However, it must be
remembered that these same
students profited from Iower
class sizes, more individual
time with their teachers and
greater resource support for
programmes in their early
years, before massive cuts had
been made to our system.
It will be interesting, over the
next few years, to study the
results of the ministry tests as
more and more financial
restraint erodes the quality of
education and cuts into the
resources we can provide for
our children.
Sincerely,
Wilhelmina Laurie
President - Huron Women
Teachers' Association
TNI HURON RXPO$ITO11, October 11, 1til11-a
-HEALTH ON THE HILL -
A Review of activities at
SEAFORTH COMMUNITY HOSPITAL
SPECIAL WEI. COIJ to part time Reg.N. Sharon Holthuysen.
UPCOMING EVENTS OFFERED AT THE HOSPITAL:
1. HEART TO HEART 8 weeks Cardiac Rehabilitation
Course begins Wed. Oct. 18 - Dec 6/95 from 7-9 p.m.,
Conference Room 2.
This Program is for anyone recovering from a heart related
illness and their spouse or family member. It provides an
opportunity to direct questions and concerns to an authority
in various aspects of Cardiac Rehab. including Pharmacist,
Dietitian, M.D.; Physiotherapist, CPR Instructor,
Psychologist. 1b register for these casual, informative ses-
sions, please call 527-1650 or 527-0320.
2. SEAFORTH PERINATAL* INFORMATION
SESSION Thurs. October 26, 1995 7:30 p.m. Topic: Pain
Management During Labour Medication & Epidurals, Dr.
Heather Percival; Physiotherapy - TENS.
3. LIFE AFTER BABY 5 week Series for new parents by
Public Health Unit to be held each -Thurs. a.m. 9:30 to 11:30
a.m. beginning Thurs. Nov. 2/95 in Conference Rm. 2.
4. DIABETIC EDUCATION CLASSES to be conducted
by Lorraine Devereaux, Dietitian & Dianne Wood, Reg. N.
Tues., November 7 & Wed. Nov. 8 Pre -register by calling
the Hospital Switchboard leaving name & telephone #.
Don't miss out on the HALLOWE'EN DANCE Sat. Oct 28th at
Seaforth Legion Hall. Tickets $7.50/person available at
Switchboard. Tom Wheatley, DJ. It promises to be an evening of
fun and enjoyment! Costumes optional. Everyone Welcome.
Firewood
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Mileage charge Beyond That
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et
SEAFORTH
CITIZENSHIP AWARDS
THE SEAFORTH RECREATION AND PARKS COMMITTEE IS NOW ACCEPTING NOMINATIONS FOR THE CITI-
ZENSHIP AWARDS FOR 1995 IN THE FALLOWING CATEGORIES:
SERVICE TO SPORTS - A person that volunteers his or her time to sports organizations, or sports in general in
Seaforth.
CIVIC SERVICE - A person who belongs to a service club or community organization in which he or she con-
tributes many hours of time for the betterment of the community.
HUMANITARIAN SERVICE - A person who is considerate of mankind, and is willing to give his or her time to
help other people.
THESE AWARDS ARE CHOSEN BASED ON THE INDIVIDUAL'S CONTRIBUTIONS TO THE COMMUNITY
IN A VOLUNTEER CAPACITY. IF YOU KNOW OF SOMEONE THAT FITS THE ABOVE DESCRIPTION, FILL OUT
THE FORM BELOW AND MAIL R. TO: THE SEAFORTH RECREATION AND PARKS DEPARTMENT, P.O. BOX
885, SEAFORTH, ONT., NOK 1WO. DEADUNE FOR NOMINATIONS IS FRIDAY,
OCTOBER 20, 1995. •
I would like to nominate: - for his/her contribution to Seaforth in (circle one)
a) Service to Sports b) Civic Service
c) Humanitarian Service
Some background information on this person is:
My reason for nominating this person is:
Signature of Nominator