HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Huron Expositor, 1995-03-15, Page 21Tell me, who is a farmer?
Editor's note: this article was
apparently originally printed in The
Lucknow Sentinel, subsequently
reprinted in another publication, a
copy of which was given to the
Ridgetown Dominion editor, who in
turn forwarded a copy to The Sen-
tinel editor recently. The author, we
think, is Bill Brady.
A farmer is a person who owns
between 20 and 30 hats... They
have names on the front, just above
the peak, names like ...United Co-
op...John Deere...You can always
tell a farmer...but not very much.
One can always recognize a
farmer by his fingers (sometimes
farmers don't have all of them by
the way), they are usually very big
and when you shake hands with one
it feels a lot like sandpaper, and
they squeeze as though they really
are glad to see you. Sometimes
after you shake hands with a farmer
he slaps you on the shoulder and
dislocates it for you.
If a farmer says it's going to rain,
it does, but rarely when their land
really needs it. Farmers never go
out of the house without one of
those caps, that's why all farmers
have white foreheads, and
sometimes they wear them indoors.
Young farmers wear them low
over their eyes; usually their dads
wear them on the back of their
heads and have the uncanny ability
to, in one motion, take off the cap,
scratch the scalp, and replace the
cap at the same angle in about 2.3
seconds. Farmers sometimes wear
their hats in the house until (a) their
wives make them take it off, or (b)
they go to bed.
Farmers like new cars and always
buy big shiny ones. Within two
weeks after delivery there is three
to four inches of mud on the new
front floor mats, the dashboard is
covered with dust, a pair of work
gloves, a notebook, and three books
of matches. In the trunk of the new
car can be found - the air cleaner
off thepickup, a pair of boots
caked with dried mud, a box of
miscellaneous gears, cogs, two fan
belts, and three spare hats.
Farmers are the only people who
can keep their sanity while the rest
of us bang our heads on the wall in
dismay over the weather,
government policies, the weather,
price increases, the weather, and a
county council which often forgets
that most of its constituents farm
for a living.
Farmers read agriculture bulletins,
"The Canadian Farmer" and the
financial page, but not necessarily
in that order. They know a lot about
insects, hail, crop dusting, ir-
rigation, interest rates,. curling,
animal husbandry, engines,
electricity, welding, futures, but can
never seem to figure out what the
heck those guys in Ottawa and at
Queen's Park arc doing.
Farmers like roast beef (usually
well done); small children, especial-
ly their grandchildren' woodlots,
big tractors, Hubbard squash, pot
roast, and sometimes liver. They
like mashed potatoes and gravy,
homemade pie, and almost
anywhere in Florida. They like
vacations, but not as much as their
wives do; like them, that is if they
don't come too close together; big
bath towels, dogs, euchre and
Hockey Night in Canada.
Farmers don't particularly like;
zucchini, opera, Liberals, hospitals,
supermarkets, 401, gas stations
(that's because they usually keep a
gasoline pump of their own near the
barn, sort of a do-it-yourself service
station), implement salesmen, bank
managers, and drought.
Farmers are people who are con-
vinced to spend a small fortune on
a sprayer and huge quantity of the
new insecticide -methyl bethyl
aprozean, only to find out the day
after they spray that it has been
banned by the Federal Department
of Agriculture and the Department
of Agriculture and the Department
of Health and Welfare because
besides killing the bugs, it may be,
just maybe, kills birds and a few
people too. Farmers are the people
who know how to raise food in
such quantity and of such quality,
that we are a people blessed many
times over with their plenty at a
fraction of the cost of what many in
other less privileged countries pay'
to eat.
A farmer is an eternal optimist
who in spite of rain, when his land
is soaking wet and drought when it
is parched dry; hail when his tobac-
co or corn or tomatoes are at their
peak.. notwithstanding interest rates
and collapsing markets, government
action or inaction; still get up every
day, puts on his cap, and once
again makes it all work for all of
us, who so often take for granted
our farmers.
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