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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Huron Expositor, 1994-05-18, Page 22—THE HURON EXPOSITOR, May 16, 1994 Feature Abuse survivor deals with feelings BY PAUL CIUFO Expositor Staff lor "The first time it wasn't sex. It was just touching. Then it was sex and I had his child. I hated what he did. I didn't want it to happen. I wanted a normal father who wouldn't do those things," said Carrie Bradley, 18. The Grade 11 student sat in the guidance office of Seaforth District High School describing the viol- ations she suffered at the hands of her stepfather Perry Bradley. While Bradley serves a five-year sentence for sex offenses, Came deals with the aftermath of his crimes. "It's still hard for me to be around guys. I always think they'll do what he did," she said. May is Sexual Assault Prevention Month in Ontario and the Expositor approached Carrie for an interview with hopes her story would help raise awareness about sexual assault. Sexual assault is defined as any unwanted touching of a sexual nature. There are many young women like Carrie who have suf- fered the pain of unwanted sex acts. "I have dealt with students who have been sexually assaulted. And when I bring in presenters about date rape or sexual assault, a lot of kids are really affected. They get very emotional and you can tell they've been through something," said Linda Doig, a teacher and guidance counsellor at the high school. "Sexual Assault Prevention Month focuses on young people. We know that one in five teenagers will be assaulted by the time she reaches 18," said Barb Donaldson, com- munications assistant to the minister at the Ontario Women's Director- ate. Carrie decided to speak out about her experience and allow her name and photograph to appear in the newspaper. She explained, "At first I was ashamed of what happened but now I'm not. I never did a single thing - - it was my stepfather. He's the one who has the problem, not me." Overcoming feelings of humili- ation and guilt is difficult for many survivors of sexual assault, said Blanche Savage, sexual assault counsellor and advocate at Women's Shelter and Counselling Services of Huron (formerly Sur - Come and Visit the area's ARGEST SELECTION ()F PI,AN'I'S IN 30,111)() S(1. ft. including 20,000 Geraniums, 25 Colours, etunias in 25 Colours, 25 Colours of Inpatients. 10 Varieties of Fuschia Hanging Baskets, 150 Varieties of Perennials, 30 Varieties of I Ierh., 30 Varieties of Vegetahle Plants, 16 Varieties of Tomato Plants. PLUS MUCH MORE PAUL QUPO PHOTO SPEAKING OUT - Carrie Bradley talks about the sexual abuse her stepfather inflicted on her. She is raising a young daughter, Julia, fathered by her stepfather. Carrie is part of the small percentage of women who have reported sex crimes committed against them. "1 didn't know if 1 wanted to press charges..." vival Through Friendship House). Savage said, "We need to make people aware of the effects of sex- ual assault, how dehumanizing it is, how degraded one feels when one is used in that way. It is a crime that disrespects the person, so the person feels humiliated. It is very difficult for survivors to stop blam- ing themselves, to not try to make themselves responsible. Historically we've blamed the victim." Carrie's stepfather first victimized her when she was a young girl. She reported the crime and he was given a two-year sentence. "He got out early for good behav- iour and came back home. He started up [the abuse] again not much later." At fifteen she was pregnant with her abuser's child and did not know where to turn. "I was ashamed. I was scared to tell anybody, even my own mother. I didn't tell her who was the father of my daughter until my daughter Attitudes must change BY PAUL CIUFO Expositor Staff People across the county and province are confronting men about a crime that ravages the spirit. May is Sexual Assault Prevention Month and people who sec the effects of the crime say attitudes must change. "Sexual assault is any unwanted touching of a sexual nature. We have to let people understand the effects of sexual assault, how dehu- manizing it is, how degraded one feels when one is used in that way," said Blanche Savage, sexual assault counsellor and advocate. "It is a crime that disrespects the per- son, so the person feels humiliated. Some women have told me they feel almost not there, so disregarded they feel like they're being annihi- lated." During her work in Goderich at the Women's Shelter and Counselling Services of Huron (formerly Survival Through Friend- ship House), Savage has seen a common theme emerge in the psy- chology of men who commit sexual assault. "What seems to be common is a certain set of attitudes that devalue women, objectify women. The more a man grows up believing women are the sexual property of men, the more likely he is to commit'sexual assault. Essentially, sexual assault is about not respecting the other person's choices, not respecting them as a person. In our culture we still haven't grown out of the kinds of ideas that exploit women, sec women as there to provide the needs of men." At Seaforth District High School, some students are battling to change attitudes. "We work in the school newspa- per, put in articles and statistics. We have a bulletin board and hold assemblies. But males are not too receptive. Males tend to get offended. It's a touchy subject," said Jason Bell, a Grade 12 student involved in the Peer Mentor pro- gram. During a weekend retreat, Bell and four other students received instruction from sexual assault counsellors and representatives of community groups like the Children's Aid Society. "They counselled us on how to counsel survivors of sexual assault. We really are a connection between a survivor and professional help." All of the high schools in Huron County have a,similar program and the peer mentors involved in help- ing sexual assault survivors meet to pool ideas. There next meeting will be June 1. Bell also hopes to attend a sexual assault workshop Thursday May 19 at the Clinton Town Hall. Spon- sored by Stop Woman Abuse Now (SWAN) and the Ontario Women's Directorate, the workshop runs for the entire day and includes a dra- matic presentation by Company of Sirens. A representative of the Ontario Women's Directorate said that attitudes about sexual assault are changing. "This is our seventh [Sexual was almost two. My friends thought [Bradley] was a normal father to me but he wasn't." Savage said that men who commit sexual assault usually are people the victim knows. "We hold a stereotypical image of a rapist as a stranger who jumps out of bushes at night. That does hap- pen but it is atypical. It is more typical for a woman to be raped by her boss at the office, by her date in a car, by her husband in the bedroom." A year ago, Carrie told her boy- friend about her stepfather's abuse. Her boyfriend urged her to go to the police and not to return to her home in Brussels. "My boyfriend wanted to know who was the father of my daughter. That's how it started. My Mom didn't believe me at first. My step- father denied the whole thing. But my Mom finally realized what he was like. She made him move out. She wanted me home." on assault Assault Prevention Month]. The ad campaign has spawned talk in schools. Attitudes are changing. The fact that people can talk about sexual assault in school is a sign of change. And we have stopped blam- ing the victim," said Barb Donaldson, communications assist- ant to the minister. She added, "A lot of young men have called and said the campaign is a good idea. We used to get calls saying quit wasting tax dollars or asking why the minister hates men. But this year it has been very posi- tive." However, Donaldson said that many people are still mired in ignorance. "Offenders say, nobody ever told me this was wrong. We have to teach the importance of gaining consent." Savage agreed, "We have to remind people that any unwanted sexual touching is criminal behav- iour." The counsellor also suggested that people make a point of standing up to chauvinists. "Any of us can challenge sexist attitudes. For example, if somebody tells a sexist joke, instead of laugh- ing, say wait a minute do you real- ize what you're saying?" Men and women must also take responsibility for communicating clearly with potential sexual part- ners, Savage said. Doig said, "We try to encourage females to be assertive and males to listen and communicate." New principals in area schools Walton Public School has a new vice-principal for the 1994- '95 school year in Helen Crocker, a teacher from Victoria Public School. Hensall Public School's new principal is Margaret Allen, announced the Huron County Board of Education. She has been vice-principal at McCurdy school. Lorne Rideout, a Hensall Public School teacher, will become vice-principal at McCurdy P. S. South Huron District High School also will also have a new principal, Herb Murphy. He has served as principal at F. E. Madill Secondary School and Bluewater. An arca resource teacher and night school principal in Goderich, Patty Brereton, is the new principal of Zurich Public School. Other new principals are Phil Parsons at Tumberry (former vice-principal at Howick C.P.S.) and Dave Brereton, principal at Holmesville (former principal at Tumberry C.P.S.). Howick C.P.S. has a new vice- principal, area resource teacher Dave Shaw.Seaforth District High School has a new vice- principal, Bruce Eccles, former head of the English Department. He has been promoted to the position for the 1994-95 school year, announced the Huron County Board of Education. After contacting the women's shelter in Goderich, Carrie met the police there. Her decision to report the crime was a rarity. According to Statistics Canada, only six percent of all sexual assaults are reported to police. "I didn't know if I wanted to press charges. But I thought, he shouldn't get off. I didn't have to testify; I just gave a statement to the police. I don't think he'll get out on good behaviour this time -- hopefully he doesn't. And when he gets out, he won't be living with my Mom anymore. She doesn't want him." Carrie receives counselling at the shelter in Goderich and finds it easier to talk about her ordeal now, although there is one person she does not look forward to telling: "I'm getting over it a bit. Counselling has really helped. I talk to my friends about it and my Mom. Keeping quiet wasn't good for me. It feels better to talk about it. But it's going to be hard on me to tell my daughter Julia who her father is. Mom says, tell her when she's a bit older so she'll under- stand. I try not to think about it. It's not her fault who her father is. I love her." We will plant your planters for you with your choice of flowers! TED'S TASTY TOMATOES ARE READY! Weather Permitting ASPARAGUS WILL BE READY NURSERY STOCK • WINDBREAK TREES POTTED CONTAINERS & COLOUR BOWLS Wholesale and Retail 'edd tree to meat ua a ryllMral "Beautifying Huron County Since 1981" LANDSCAPE PLANS ASAILABLE T�� RM ' i d1!'I s rarad/se OPEN 9 to 8 Mon. to Fri., 9 to 6 Sot & Sun. RR # 1 Bayfield Ted and Ema Ont. 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