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Home My WebLink AboutGoderich Signal Star, 2011-08-03, Page 19OWench Signal -Star • Wednesday, August 3, 2011 hot Ju 1 July was so hot, climatologists forced to come up with a new for what we would normally call a wave.' For three weeks we were ently living under a 'heat dome.' ernperatures ranging from 35°C to v I 1111 400C. and humidex levels to 50°C, they were right It was like living at the Sky - Dome with the roof closed and the heat cranked up to "Dangerous." According to the experts .the high pressure system in the upper D Canada est witch your chequing account TD Canada Trust and get the nvenience of over 1,100 locations. 411, 40 ww.tdc.�nadatrust.com/switch • 1-800-577-9592 nking can be this comfortable Switch and cjnt tip to S250. Ob 1 to OM* 14. 7011 but moy be chid, *leied of awn of any None *lout notice. a.* See tie la de>rnk. "/ The TD bp aa1 other holiersaits am the meetly cel The iaonbfkxneMon Annie a wbsdery, P to+aio ead/a other eau roes. v 1 t was so .hot atmosphere was so strong it compressed and smothered the lower atmosphere causing unheard of heat. In most parts of Canada and the United States it was the hottest July ever with records being set from Texas to Nunavut. In order to -record higher temperatures than we experienced in July, meteorolo- gists at the National Weather Service had to go to hell. (They say Enron's Kenneth Lay is hold- ing up quite well.) I tried to contact both former President George W. Bush and Prime Minister Stephen Harper to see if they had changed their minds as the chief deniers of glo- bal warming, but they were both vacationing in an ice cave two miles below International Falls, Minnesota. Go ahead, ask me. "How hot was it?" •It was so hot that at the Honda Indy In Toronto, the cars were bunting rubber while they waited for the race to start. •It was so hot in Kingston, Queen's University students set the record for Loudest Unnatural Noise by performing a two -hun- dred -person armpit fart. •It was so hot in Bracebridge, Ontario, that guy who keeps driv- ing through riveing'through Tim Hortons naked was joined by two exhausted fire- men and three guys from a road paving crew. •It was so hot Dennis Rodman was spotted on a New York City street, not wearing a bra. •It was so hot at the United Nations, German .Chancellor Angela Merkel addressed the Investigative Commission on Cli- mate Change wearing a tank top a n d capri pants. sit was so hot a TV weathe- man in St. Louis overcooked an . egg on his forehead and his eye- brows caught on fire. •1t was so hot in New York City's Times Square that the debt clock stopped working and Republicans immediately took credit for ending spending. •1t was so hot in Cuban prison- ers at Guantanamo Bay were water hoarding themselves, .11 was so hot on ABC's The View, only three of the four women wereable to keep talking at the same time. All the World's a Circus William Thomas •It was so hot in Welland, Ontario, an entire fifty-eight car funeral procession pulled into a Dairy Queen. •It was so hot in Miami, Jenni- fer Lopez left Marc Anthony for the Dickie Dee Ice Cream guy. •It was so hot in Washington, House Speaker John Boehner denied he was emotionally upset, claiming he was crying in order- tocooloff his cheeks, •It was so hot on Wednesday, July 20th, Torontonlans con- sumed (not making this up) 144,460,000 gallons of water. Later that same night, yellow flooding was reported in Oakville. 'It was so hot in. Dunnville, several people picked up for public intoxication said they were simply "over hydrated.." •It was so fol, Tim Hortons was offering a "Two For One Ice Cap Cappuccinos Special." One to drink and one to pour down your pants. +it was so hot in Toronto, for the first time ever the Blue Jays closed .the SkyDorne's roof due to heat (true!) and the umpire who Robbie Alomar spit on, thanked him. •It was so hot in Afghanistan, the Taliban were carrying out clothes -optional suicide bombings. sit was so hot in Libya, Dicta- tor Moammar Gadhafi was wear- ing his all -cotton cab driver disguise. •It was so hot at the offices of The News Of The World, Rupert Murdoch threw a Cool Whip crearn pie at himself. •It was so hot in Los Angeles, Charlie Sheen took a week's vacation putting two porn stars and a dominatrix out of work. •It was so hot off the coast Newfoundland, the Titanic was spotted steaming towards an iceberg! III •It was so hot in Hollywood, Lindsay Lohan overdosed on cold tablets. - •It was so hot those 33 Chilean miners went back down into the hole just to get away from the sun. •It was so hot at his perjury trial in New York City, Roger Cle- mens asked the bailiff to inject him with engine coolant. •It was so hot in Hamilton, the city issued a Bare Naked Ladies alert. - *It was so hot on Wall Street, shade was trading at $800 an ounce. •It was so hot in Atlantic City, Donald Trump said he was seri- ously considering running for the office of Rainmaker. •It was so hot in Hollywood, Los Angeles health experts claimed the only way to stay cool was to stand between Maria Shriver. and Arnold Schwarzenegger. •It was sohot in Central Park, the flashers were squatting in buckets of crushed ice. •It was so hot in Italy, Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi said he was suspending his practlsg�,\ of having sex with underage hookers until the weather gets cooler and the girls get older: •And finally, it was so hot out herein Wainfleet the corn started popping right off the cob.