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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Goderich Signal-Star, 2009-11-18, Page 7Goderich Signal -Star, Wednesday, November 18, 2009 - Page 7 • • L.UMOfl Hospital's Green Team a health, learning dream To the Editor; The evidence is in. Let's get the word out. The fear and buzz is all about the flu virus and, rightly so. But when was the last time you spent some time with others that you didn't hear someone say "Did you hear that so and so has cancer?" All the hype about H 1 N 1 is good, but don't forget about cancer, the real pan- demic scourge to our health. We ask each other if it is caused by the water, air, the food we eat or maybe something else. The evidence presented by Cafe Scien- tifique at the Knights of Columbus was compelling enough for us to realize we have a great health team here in Goder- ich. Facts given were shocking, hard to believe, outrageous and sometimes, dis- gusting. And all brought on by man him- self. The evening went quickly, however, we departed knowing that knowledge is power. We were given direction on how 4 u Submissions to Letter to the Editor must include full name, address and phone number of sender for verification purposes. Letters should. be 500 words or less and The Signal -Star reserves the right to edit for '15 length and clarity. Address letters to: Goderich Signal -Star, Box 220, 120 Huckins St., Goderich, N7A 4B6 t : or e-mail: gssnews@bowesnet.com or via fax at 519-524-5145. we could attain and enjoy good health. If you want to regain and take control over your own health, a great place to look for help is the Alexandra Marine and General Hospital (AMGH) Green Team. Cafe Scientifique was very well done. Kudos. Go Green Team, go. Sincerely Clare Smith Button sales support season To the Editor; Join with me in the "Yes, you can wish me a Merry Christmas" Campaign. Some want to silence the good news of Christmas. In spite of the 90 per cent of peo- ple who shop for Christmas, retailers have progressively removed the symbols and language of Christmas from their stores, re- placing them with winter decoration, holi- day advertising, secular holiday songs and now the ubiquitous greeting 'Happy Holi- days.' To wish someone a Merry Christmas is to proclaim the good news of great joy that will be for all people. It is to announce that there has been born for you a saviour who is Christ the Lord. The Christmas button can also provide the additional benefit of a fundraiser. The "Yes, you can wish me a Merry Christmas" button is $2, and 50 cents of this will go to Outreach International, freeing children from the sex -slave trade. It's time we Canadians stand up for what we believe in. Merry Christmas. Judith Brisette Goderich Hamsters, rats, shooters and Two recent studies — one involving hamsters and alcohol and the other fea- turing rats and Hostess Ho Hos — bring up the burning question whether or not scientists who come up with these ideas are not themselves the victims of too many shooters or sugar fits. Seriously, who gets to the office in the morning, slips on a lab coat and says: "Today, let's take a common, cuddly household pet famous for going around and around and around inside a tiny ferris wheel and introduce the little bugger to vodka martinis"? Okay, point taken. You're right. If I had an office and a white jacket I would probably do that but who in their right mind would not only agree with me but give me money to actually carry off such a cockamamie idea? Well in this case it's a team of re- searchers at the American Physiologi- cal Society whose motto is: "Let's get out of these lab coats and into a beaker of Ballantine's." Quite simply, they organized a herd of hamsters into three groups ranging from tea tottlers to moderate drinkers to lurching drunkards. The first group of hamsters drank water only. The next group drank water laced with ten per- cent alcohol. The last group was given the equivalent amount of alcohol con- sumed by a Buffalo Bills fan coming to grips with yet another losing season at a tailgate party in Orchard Park spon- sored by Wild Turkey Bourbon. During the course of the experiment three hamsters from the third group were charged with uri- nating in public and defacing the quarterback's Hummer. Okay, so imagine hamsters nibbling at tubes of water, water mixed with ten percent alcohol and water laced with twenty percent alcohol. The results? Well, this will come as a real shock to you but guess what? They really liked the al- cohol. They actually preferred the water with alcohol to pure water. Why am I not surprised? If they put me in a cage with no toys surrounded by a bunch of creepy people staring at me all the time I'm going for the hard stuff every chance I get. The scientists also discovered that the hamsters drank more after dark. And af- ter consuming as much alcohol as they wanted for three days, the hamsters had trouble telling what time of day it was. This is precisely why humans pay a guy behind the bar to shout out "last call" when they get disoriented. Although a good name for the _phe- nomenon of rodents getting plastered would be the Hamster Hasselhoff Syn- drome, no animal got so drunk it at- tempted to eat a hamburger off the floor of the lab. Okay, so. the conclusion of the exper- iment is that hamsters handle alcohol about as well as humans, but my point All the World's A Circus... is why waste perfectly good booze on rodents? Why not find a group of humans with the same failings that lead to alcohol abuse — low self es- teem, unrealistic expectations and shattered dreams. In other words what I'm proposing is Nickel Beer Night at the Air Canada Center for Toronto Maple Leaf fans. And free Ho Hos when the Leafs play a team worse than themselves. Paul Johnson and his fel- low scientists at the Scripps Research Institute in Jupiter, Florida fed Hostess Ho Hos to a controlled group of rats in order to study certain parts of the brain and their roles in obesity. Conclusion: rats on Ho Hos behaved like rats ad- dicted to heroin. The more they ate the more they craved. Other high -calorie delights like cheesecake and bacon were also fed to the rats with the same result. I know what you're thinking. A ba- con sandwich on rye? Cheesecake? Ho Hos? If the lab gets all the sports chan- nels you wouldn't mind moving in for the weekend with a case of Blue Light. The rats were so addicted to the junk food that after the high calorie diet end- ed they refused to eat. Nothing. When offered a nutritious diet, the rodents starved themselves for two straight weeks. In fact a small group of highly ad - Ho Hos dicted junk food rats known as the Burger King Rink Rats broke into an- other section of the laboratory, beat up a bunch of disoriented hamsters and stole their supply of experimental li- quor. Cats were seen migrating away from the area around the lab with only the clothes on their backs. Once they all got drunk, the fighting subsided and interbreeding took over. Scientists, some fearing for their lives, described the frenetic scene as "an of- fice Christmas party." (Ho! Ho! Ho Hos!) Now they fear a new crossbred ani- mal may have been created by the inter- mingling of hamsters and rats. They're going to call it a "hamrat". Apparently everybody is very nervous about this development except the people who make Spam. They're buying up graz- ing land. Thanks to scientists with weird ideas, we now have a large cuddly pet rodent that breaks into your liquor cabinet and then puts a death grip on your child un- til he ccs —hs up his dessert. And that's not thew st. Last Sunday, three bus- loads of inebriated hamsters and rats were stopped on their way to a home game of the Buffalo Bills. They were denied entry to Ralph Wilson Stadium because someone had sold them coun- terfeit tickets. Can we please get back to mice in cages and laboratories without laugh tracks?