HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Goderich Signal-Star, 2009-06-24, Page 22.Page A22 - Godench Signal -Star, Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Travelling abroad? .Forget the muggers, beware of the 'tootlers'
Spotted on the brochure of a car rent-
al agency in Japan - "When passenger
of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn.
Trumpet him melodiously at first, but
if he still obstacles your passage, then
tootle him with vigor."
Be very careful traveling to foreign
countries this summer, one wrong slip
of the tongue could cost you your life.
Like most North American tourists
you're probably not fluent in the lan-
guage of the places you're planning to
visit. That's not the problem.
What could prove to be your demise
is not their language but their version of
yours. In tripping over themselves and
their tongues to accommodate us by us-
ing the English language, some things
often go awry.
For instance, do not drink the water at
the hotel in Acapulco, Mexico where the
sign reads: "The manager has person-
ally passed all the water served here."
Hey! Who does this guy think he is! An
astronaut?
I'd be a tad leery of doing a quick
mid -trip wash at .the laundromat in
Rome that advertises: "Ladies, leave
your clothes here and spend the after-
noon having a good time." Also avoid
the doctor down the street: "Specialist
in women and other diseases."
That doctor should open an office in
Prague where the tourist board suggests:
"Take one of our horse-drawn city tours
- we guarantee no miscarriages."
A much better offer than the don-
key rides in Thailand where they ask:
"Would you like to ride on .your own
ass?"
For an uplifting religious experience,
visit the Vatican in Rome and the den -
LUBE - OIL - FILTER
All Gas Powered Cars
and Light Trucks
tist in Hong Kong who claims:
"Teeth extracted by the latest
Methodists." Gums are prob-
ably massaged by Lutherans.
Homesick? Visit the airline
ticket office in Copenhagen
where: "We take your bags and
Send them in all directions."
You'll meet people from Air
Canada there.
You might want to remove
Russia from your itinerary be-
cause on the door of a Moscow
hotel room they warn you: "If this is
your first visit to Russia, you are wel-
come to it." Yikes !
But. if you go, do visit the cemetery
in Moscow where:,"Famous Russian
and Soviet composes, artists and writ-
ers are buried daily except Thursdays."
Putin must take Thursdays off.
That's as bad as the ringing endorse -
All the Worlds
A Circus...
ment on the menu of the Swiss restau-
rant: "Our wines leave you nothing to
hope for,
Don't wait to be seated at the restau-
rant of the Polish hotel where the menu
explains: "Salad's a firm own make;
limpid red beet soup and cheesy dump-
lings in the form of a finger; roasted
duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in
the country people's fashion." Not only
do I, hate beet soup, I'd be out of there
as soon as that duck let loose.
Can't be as bad as the ba1ery in To-
kyo where: "All of contents
are no additional. It's burned
to a crisp with all our heart."
Those Brits • who refer to
romantic getaways as "dirty
weekends" must be frequent-
ing the hotel in Paris where
the sign on the elevator reads:
"Please leave your values at
the front desk."
Immorality also flourishes
at the Japanese hotel where:
"You are invited to take ad-
vantage of the chamber maid." But be
careful trying anything at the Yugosla-
vian •hotel where: "The flattening of un-
derwear with pleasure is the job of the
chambermaid." She'll crush you as soon
as crease your briefs.
If you get really stressed out on your
Asian adventure, a good place .to vent
would be the Hong Kong tailor shop
where: "Ladies may have a fit up-
stairs."
I _ suppose another type of stress -re-
liever is available at the dry cleaners in
Bangkok where you: "Drop your trou-
sers her for best results."
And don't even think about following
the advice of the Zurich ho : "Because
of the impropriety of ent rtainingguests
of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is
suggested that the lobby be used for this
purpose."
At the tailor shop in Rhodes, Greece,
sooner is better than later when you:
"Order your summer suit. Because is
big rush we will execute customers in
strict rotation." Watching too much
news from the Mideast, that tailor. •
Like most zoos, the one in Budapest
has a strict rule about feeding the ani-
mals. Don't. And: "If you have any suit-
able food, give it to the guard on duty."
That guy is so sick of sandwich crusts!
And if you're already gender -bent and
burned out, do not visit the temple in
Bangkok where: "It is forbidden to en-
ter a women even a foreigner; if dressed
as a man." If the ticket price requires
dropping your pants to prove your sex,
I say pass.
Shopping in Japan can be a real adven-
ture. They sell soup called "The Goo,"
cosmetics branded "Cookie Face," toi-
let paper identified as "My Fanny Print"
and an automobile antifreeze called
"Hot Piss."
Watch your step at the treatment plant
near Tokyo: "Dirty Water Punishment
Place" And step 'out of the jeep at the
Kenyan safari park: "Elephants please
stay in car."
Traveling abroad and tiptoeing
through the garden of garbled English
could leave you exhausted, confused
and yes, chasing your own tail. Sign in
a Japanese washroom: "Go back toward
your behind." I'm going there now.
Homeowner assistance funds dry up in Huron
Cheryl Heath
$ 3 3 00
Plus Tax
Includes: EHE (Environmental handling charge),
up to 5L of oil, Fluid Top Ups, Exterior Car
Wash. No Disposal Fees. Shuttle Service,
McGEE Motors Ltd.
Your Full Line GM Dealer
180 Suncoast Drive E. 519-524-8391
sun media
It's gone.
That was the good news delivered by social
services director Dave Overboe in relation
to the $126,000 allocated via the provincial
government to assist lower-income families
to purchase homes. In all, $125,910 of the al-
lotted funds were used to help out new hom-
eowners. 's
Overboe adds another wave of funding is
anticipated.
CONGRAVS
It was an event so large and in charge that it
left the little ones shaking with delight.
That was the word delivered by social-ser-
vices.director Dave Overboe on the popular-
ity of the Touch the Truck literacy promotion
held in Holmesville on June 13.
The festivities, designed to encourage boys
to read, included a display of a large variety of
trucks and road equipment on loan from Lavis
Contracting Ltd. at the community park.
"It was a roaring success," he says. "We
had parents saying, 'we should be paying for
this."'
In paying kudos to Evy McDonagh and
staff for organizing the event, Overboe says,
"It was just fantastic to see the kids," he says.
"We saw kids shaking they were so excited by
seeing the trucks."
HITTING THE ROOF •
One councillor's price -cutting measure is
another's eyesore.
Indeed, Coun. Bill Siemon (Huron .East)
found some strong opposition to his proposal
to install a weather -tight ribbed -steel -roof on
gATOR
the county's Homes for the Aged rather than
purchase the pricier steel -shake variety.
Coun. Bernie MacLellan (Huron East) says
it is important to house seniors in an attractive
facility and not something that resembles a
barn, which was a sentiment echoed by Coun.
Bert Dykstra (Central Huron).
The COW ultimately endorsed a resolution
to choose Mid Huron Roofing as the con-
tractor for a partial roof restoration, valued
at $43,875, at Huronview in Clinton, while
Morgan Roofing was chosen for the $10,319
project at Huronlea in Brussels.
Councillors spent some time debating the
first motion given the contractor was asking
for 50 per cent of the project's cost up front,
but the COW accepted the bid with the pro-
viso that the shingles are kept on site.
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