Exeter Advocate, 1906-2-22, Page 760
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IE BRITISH ELECTIONS
SOME HUMOROUS INCIDENTS IN THE
GREAT BATTLE.
r,Quips and Jests Which 'Varied the
Personal and Political Amenities
at the Polls..
The Old Country papers to Band by the
slatest- mails contain many humorous
•incidents, which served to modify the
eitpolitical heat with which the great battle
Was fought. Herewith are a few +I
hem:
While Mr. Walter Long was referring,
in' a speech at Bristol, to German bread,
a member of the audience produced n
piece and tossed it to- the platform.
where the ox -Chief Secretary for Irelarrl
effected a neat catch. • •-
"If I had a gun I would shoot you;
you are a traitor to Ireland; and a dia-
gram to the Icing's uniform," howled an
enraged Irishman at a meeting at \v'oot-
wish, addresser) by Maier Adams, the
Unionist candidate, who is an Irishman.
At one of Mr. Lloyd -George's meet-
ings in Carnarvon Boroughs, according
to the Liverpool Post, a lieckier, with
the view of dlspnraging the origin of the
President of the Board of Trade, asked
him it he remembered that his grand -
e,= father drove a clonkey and cart. "You
will have to forgive tae, ladies and
gentlemen," was the witty reply; "tire
cart has guile escaped my memory. 1
see the donkey is still alive."
r,.
A population greater than that of
many. Irish 'towns dwells within the
walls of the South Dublin Workhouse.
At a meeting of the guardians a mem-
ber, calling attention to the fact, sug-
gested that the number of the inmates
was now large enough to entitle theta to
send u representative to the Clouse of
Commons.
It has been claimed that Sir Charles
Dilke's election address was the shortest
issued within recent years. This, how-
ever, is not the case. It will be remem-
bered that Sir Elliott Lees, while in
South Africa in 1900, went to the electors
on those words—"My address, Pretoria."
At a Tariff Reform meeting in East
Anglia the candidate was asked by a
--e burly smith's striker "I swing a sledge-
.
'hammer six clays a week for 17s. Do
you call that a fair wage?" "No," an-
swered the ctindidate. ,seWill your policy
give you a better wage?" "Yes,' was
the reply. "Then you'll have to get rid
)4,of man as pays me!"
that devil in the chair, 'cos he's the
,
Mr. Herbert Whitely, Liberal .candi=
i -dale for Ashton-under-Lyne, was ad-
dressing ,a meeting of miners at a pit's.
mouth, when one of the men exclaimed,
"It's all very fine for you to speak at the
pit's mouth, but you dare not go below!"
Mr. Whitely at once accepted the chal-
lenge; and in a few minutes was in the
• workings.
Lord Edmund Talbot, Unionist candi-
date for Chichester, who was "confined
"ito bed by illness, spoke his political cen-
victions into a gramophone. Lady Ed -
tune then made a motor -car tour of the
ns1jtuency and carried the precious
record to lite various meetings.
One as tanc
r
tut'""tint
�c
e c d'date as`ad' r
r
rather mixed compliment; He was
pay-
ing a second visit to the house of a
doubtful voter. He scarcely expected to
win him over, and consequently he was
very pleased, though somewhat sur-
prised, on hearing from the elector that
he would support him. "Glad- to hear
at," said the candidate. "I thought yon
:were against me." "Shure, 1 was at
first," said the free and independent
'voter. "Whin the other day ye called
heroand stood by that pig -stye and
talked for half an hour, ye didn't budge
me an inch; but after ye had gone
away, sir, I got to thinking how ye'd
reached your hand over the rail and
scratched the pig's back till he lay down
wid pleasure of it. I made up my mind
thin that whin a man was so sociable
as that wid a poor fellowcrathur I
wasn't the hhoy to vole agin him."
Two canvassers in Liverpool have had
an amazing, if somewhat grim, exper-
ience. Calling at a house on their route.
they inquired if they could see Mr.
Brown, the good mistress of the house-
hold answering, "Yes; comein." On
entering the house she struck a light, re-
marking, "Follow me, please," and
started to mount the stairs. At the bed-
room door she stopped and said, "There
he is," Imagine the amazement and dis-
appointment of the canvassers when they
found that the man they had come to
canvass was .dead. The canvassers had
been mistaken for the undertaker aria
his assistant.
Mr.. Foote, the candidate for North'
Bristol, neatly countered a lieckier who
exclaimed, "You haven't a leg to stand
on!" with the answer, "Anyway, I've got
a Foote!"
A Liverpool canvasser had the curious
experience of discovering two house-
holders, residing side by side, of the
names of Whiting and Haddook. But
his mirth was scarcely concealed when
he' was informed, in reply to his request
for, a short inter. view, that "Mr. 1-Iad-
dook was at sea."
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NO, , 7-06
A question was submitted to Mr. Helene
at 'Lancaster which had been sent to the
meeting by express post -the postage
being prepaid—and narked "Urgent!"
There was no name, and it was sug
gestbd that Mr. Bottomley, the Unionist
eleeeion agent,was the author. The
question was: "Is Mr. Helnne in favor
of ,;,Pancake Tuesday beingheld on
Eager Monday—that being Bank Hoit-
d tfy.n so that the unemployed may have
the.'opporLihiity of .celebrating.the his-
' elm ?" The vast audience shrieked
with surprise, and the laughter was
tumultuous. Mrs. Ilolme spoke to her
husband, evidently suggesting the
answer, "No," replied Mr. Heinle; "be-
cause 'I am afraid it will interfere with
too atony washing days."
M .Sunderland an enthusiastic Free
Tradet' announced that "Mr. Chamber-
lain's red herring is coming' home to
roost."
A ,mast unusual incident is repelled
keen Cambridge. During the University
polling Mr. F. 1C. Piele recorded his vote
Where; his father, the master of Christ's
,allele, was presiding. officer. Next day
lie father, voted in the borough election,
vhere Mr. Mete, Jr., was presiding
tflicer.
seem nnnsual , methods Were cm-
dtryY;C iu Sunderland. 'lite "Glory
icing" of the Alexander -Torrey mission
,as ueed to howl down Mr. Haggle
Y�rtiMonist). M ono' of Professor Stuart's
meetings,, some person turned th gas off
at the meter, and a panic was narrowly
averted.
A flowery orator, contesting a county
in which his family possessed hereditary
acres, implored support on the ground,
that he had been "personally connected
with the distriet for more, than six con-
turies,"
"Enthusiasm is getting very hot when
soine people are actually on fire," said
the chairman of an enthusiastic meet-
ing in support of the kion, Ivor Guest at
Cardiff, when it was discovered that
sniolce was issuing from the coat-tail af,;
the candidate on. the platform.
Are you in favor of the Deceased
Wife's Sister I3111?" Sir Theodore Angier
waa asked at Gateshead. Sir :Theodore
waved his hand towards his wife and
lila sister • whowere on theplatform,
and a beatific smile flitted across his feee
as' he replied, "Certainly,"
The Conservative candidate at Gates-
head claimed •that Shakespeare was a
Tariff Reformer, because he wrote, "You
take my life tlf you take the means by-
which
y
which .1 live.
'At ono ,of Mr. Henry Norman's meet-
ings in South Wolverhampton he was
accompanied by his son, not yet nine
years of age. In a cleat': voice the boy
told an audience of a. :thousand people
that he did not know how • to make .t
speech, ."hut I think that as my father
has been such a good father to me, he
would nnalce a very good member of
Parliament for you."
When Sir A. Conan. Doyle was ad-
dres:,ing a meeting in Galashiels he was
interrupted in the middle of his argu-
ment by a man who rose'4n the, body of
the. hall, flourishing a pan loaf on the
end of a walking -stick, and cried,
amidst laughter and cheers, "Answer
this,"
At a meeting in the Dorset division a
speaker said "1 ata pleased to see before
me some men who have laid down their
lives for their country."
Canvassing an artisan district of
Sunderland, a lady, after chattering
pleasantly with a housewife, turned her
attention to the three little ones. "What
sweet little • darlings," she .exclaimed,
kissing each in turn, and then glancing
toward a .man seated by the kitchen
fire, she added, "And how like their
father!" But unfortunately for her, he
was the lodger. She left without the
promise of a vote.
At a Tory meeting in the Spalding
division, the chairman, in relating his
canvassing experiences; said he called
at a house, and saw the voter's -wile.
He inquired as to the politics of her
husband. "Well," she replied, "when
he goes to 'a Liberal meeting he is a
Liberal, and when he goes to a Tory
meeting he is a Tory" "But," queried
the canvasser, "what is he when he s
at home?" And the lady gave the un-
expected reply, "When he is at home he
is a'nuisance."
At a Tory meeting at Whitchurch, a
speaker, annoyed at a chorus of re
joinders shouted from the audience, ex-
claimed, "One fool at a timet" "Go on,
boss!" was the response from one of the
opponents,_
"I doubt Very much whether any mai..
in England ought to have two places to
live in at the sl `a, time," declared the
Duke of Nort .i'nberland to an Isle-
worth audience.
Rats were let loosein a hall at Peter-
borough
er-
borough where 'a 'Liberal meeting Was
being held. Some tainting people were
carne out, several disturbers were lifted
bodily over the heads of the audience
and expelled them from the hall.
Mr. Samuel Chapman, Unionist candi-
date for Perth, endured some lively
heckling. At, one meeting an old man
came forward and, deliberately laying
down his coat and stick, handed up
several questions. Mr. Chapman replied
to the first, but the old Scotsman, ges-
ticulating wildly, exclaimed, "I canna
hear, I'm deaf." The heckler, pulling an
ear trumpet from his pocket, applied `t
to his ear, and the candidate shouted nis
replies into, the instrument.'
AS IT SOUNDED!"
Stanley (aged four years): "Mamma,
please sing that lovely song called 'The
Hash is Cold.'" -
Mamma: "I don't know any song about
hash 'Stanley."
Mamma, a little later, sings from
"My Dearest Heart": "The grave is cruel,
the grove is cold."
Stanley (excitedly): "That's it, mam-
ma --that's itt But • I made a mistake
It wasn't the hash; it was the- gravy."
CHARGED AGAINST SOMEBODY.
-
Blobbs--What a man says in an after-
dinner speech is seldom charged against
him.
Slobbs—No; but the wine that in;pares
it is.
4
HE KICKED STRAIGHT OUT:
Tom—Myr. but the old Gotrox was mad
when I told him I was going to marry
hi., daughter.
Dick—leicked like a mule, err?
Tom—No, I wish he had. A mule
only kicks backward, I believe.
STILL IN 'DOUBT.
Reporter—Uncle, to what do you at-
tribute your long life?
Oldest Inhabitant—I don't know yit,
young feller. They's several of these
patent medicine companies that's •cdick-
erin' with me.
CORRECT.
"Not • till your • party isin power,"
shouted the rabid, Socialist, "will
will this 13e -
come truly a free country."
"That's "right," cried a voice in the
crowd; "it would become truly a freak
country then..
+ _
At a duel the parties discharged--
their
pistols without effeet, whereupon one of
the seconds interfered, and proposed
that the combatants should shake hands.
To This the other second objected as un-
necessary. "For," said he, "their hands
have been shaking this half hour."
"I made these biscuits myself, David,"
said Mrs, Copperfleld, with honest pride,
"They look very nice, Dora," .replied
David,, picking one . of them• up and
making an effort to split it. "And they
are still hot. How long ago did you-
aht—cast them?"
Capt. Eimer Mikkelsen is organizing
an Arctic expedition to discover a new
continent, which he declares Iles between
een
the Parry Islands and Wrangel Island.
Since Germany will not recede from
her assumption that she has a positiort
,of perfect equality with France in Mor-
occo a rupture in the conference appears
ixteettablo.
INGOG. IN LONDON TOWN
ROYAL FOLK DI:LIGIIT TO STROLL
ABOUT IIKR STREETS.
London `Entertains Mere of Them. Than
• Any Other City in
Europe.
London is not only the biggest thing
of its kind on 'earth, but it is the town
that the royal folie of continental Europe
love to visit in a wholly unofficial capa-
city.
To these 'royal refugees or truants
Leaden is perfectly charming, because
of its size, its mixed populationand that
excellent habit its natives have of at-
tending to their busu ess and letting
eccentric persons follow their own sweet
will in many things, The. Pope himself
could stroll along Regent street without
ever having a head turned. The result
is that in winter the streets of this
orawded but orderly city may hold many
pesonages who wear crowns and, coro-
nets. and high titles when they are at
home, •
In winter they flock to London because
then the British royal family and most
of the fashionable folk are away from
town, but the streets are full. of life, the
Shops full of desirable things for pur--
chase and ,the theatres full of excellent
plays.
Sometimes Scotland Yard is` informed
and keeps an eye on the royal visitor
who is in disguise, but it only keeps an
eye out, it does not tell the newspapers
of its knowledge. For instance when
Emperor William is going to drop over
to 'London for a few days incognito leis„
whereabouts are revealed to Scotland
Yard, which, howeeer, takes precautions.
that in no wise interfere with the abso-
lute freedom of
A CERTAIN HERR BLANK,
who poses, at a small hotel, as a Ger-
man councillor sojourning in the Bri-
tish capital nn accqunt of Itis. legal in-
terests.
Of late years he has coftie nearly
every winter for a couple of days at
least to London. On one occasion he
went all through the offices and plant
of the London rimes without being
recognized. 1•Ie brought a card of intro-
duction from a newspaper editor cif
great influence in Berlin and in the capa-
city of a master mechanic he was shown
by a courteous member of the pressroom
staff all over the premises of the Thun-
derer.
The police of London can boast that
their town entertains unknowingly mare
royal folk than any other in Europe and
without an accident befalling any of
them. Once, upon a time a Germany
Princess _did sprain her ankle as she
name down from the top of a 'bus, but
that is the most serious casualty that
ever betel a personage visiting the town
unofficially.
There is really some surprise to be felt
over this because one and all the holi-
day making princes ride on the tops cf
omnibuses and find those two -horse arks
the most delightful chariots in the
world. There is a well-known Grand
Docness of North German origin who
declares 'that the.top of a. London omni-
bus is the proudest and most comfort-
able position she ever occupied in all
her exalted life.
Several great ladies of cher class have
rented srimall flats in London where they
can live when they visit the capital in-
cognito, and
THE QUEEN OF ROUMANIA
has even tested the London boarding
house. She explains the fancy of her
class for making these experiments by
saying that many a crowned head con-
fesses to the possession of a very bohe-
mian heart and.:that London is the only
spot. on earth where a royal personage
can feel at once free and safe. The
Ductless d'Aosta, before her marriage the
Pnipcess Helene of Orleans, grew up in
England and speaks English like a nn-
tive, and she comes every year to Lon-
don as plain Mrs. John Brown, to put
up 'at a nice little exclusive little hotttt
and shop. She and one companion, an
English woman, stroll about the streets,
looking in Windows and picking up bar-
gains in a way. that would not be tol-
erated in a princess in Italy.
Thecold, foggy air of an English win-
ter braces her up for the more relaxing
climate of Italy, and her sister, the
Queen of Portugal, strays into London
for almost the same purpose.
It was an American womarr who saw
them together one day on toff of an om
nibus that jogged along the Bayswater
road. One was dressed plainly in brown,
the other in blue and their cheeks wore
like roses, but the American woman had
seen them bolt at great public functions
and `sat agape with surprise. -
'"ALARMED HIM.
"Will you,” he asked, in trembling,
hopehrl tones, "be mine?"
"Hardly," she responded, in a rich,
bass voice.
"You have given me hope that you
would," he pleaded.
"How?"
"By almost promising that you would
not reject me.
"That is another thing," she said, in
a softer 'tone.
•- It gave him great hope.
"Ah, then you will be my wife?" he
exclaimed with a brighter light in his
face.
"Hardly that, 1 think," she toldhim,
with the chill again in her voice.
This made him almost desperate.
"Why "What
you treat me so?". he im-
plored. What would you have me do?"
She drew herself up proudly, almost
defiantly.
"Do?" she exclaimed. "Do? Ask me if
you may be my husband."
'<-And he loved her so that he obeyed
her, and he obeyed her ever and ever
after.
POPULATION OF KOREA.
EA..
Korea ltas a population of 60,000,000.
Seoul, the capital, has 22,000, and 's
constantly increasing.. Already 50,000
Japanese live in the kingdom. No less
than $8,000,000 this been:: spent on rail-
ways. 'The foreign • trade was worth
$26,616,487 last year.
o f LOOKING
NO O FOR . IT,
"See here, when are you going to :a
Inc that money you owe 1110?" pay
"Mydent' f'llnw, how ' ` '
r.r t,ari. 1 toll! Ito
net borrowing trouble. •
WHEN ALL ARE FEARLESS
INSTANCES OF THE LAST h1OMEN7'S
01+ FAMOUS MEN:'
What They Said While on Their Death-
bed -- Do Men Think 01
the Beyond.
. As Sir Walter Scott lay dying, he sum-
moved his great friend to his side by
a motion of his hand, and whispered;
"Lockhart, I may have but a minute to
speak to you. My dear, be a good tnah
—be ` virtuous; be religious—be a good
Man. Nothing else .will give you any
comfort when you come' to lie here."
Nelson, in the midst of his grateftrl-
ness for- having died victoriously for
England, thought for a flashing moment
of his earthly record in its relation to
tile• life after death. "Doctor," he said
to the surgeon, "I have not been a great
sinner."
On the other hand, .there are innum-
erable instances in the records of bio-
graphy pointing to the fact that men die
without a thought of the world, beyond.
Charles II. died thinking of "Poor Nell."
Sir .Richard Grenville died with his
mouths full of oaths, cursing the "trai-
tors and dogs" who had surrendered .as
little Revenge to the Spaniards. History
Ls full -of such instances.
"Indeed, it is a memorable subject for
consideration," says Stevenson, "with
what unconcern and gaiety mankind
pricks on.along the valley of the ehadow
c' death. The whole way is one wilder-
ness of snares, and the end of it, air
those who fear the last pinch, is irrevo-
cable ruin, And yet we go .spinning
through it all, like a party for the.
Derby.'
A doctor tells, that,, in a very long
hospital experience, he has never lcnown
of
A SENSATIONAL DEATIIBED,
The approach of death is, as a rule,
doubted, and up to the last moment of
consciousness the passing soul retains
it. conviction in the endurance of earth-
ly things.
Soldiers toll the same story. To die
jesting seems the last act of courage
possible to a fighting man, and he makes
the most of it. Endless are the stories
of soldiers dying in action with a shout
of humor on their lips.
Even more wonderful is the cold-
bloodedness of men going to the scaf-
fold. To fee the edge of the axe was
something of a jest fn old days; and
there is the story of the felon, going to
Tyburn, who blew the froth from his
last mug of beer because it always gave
him indigestion!
.. And yet, when we think of death for
a moment, we must surely be staggered
re its tinned. • In the flrst place it is
such an appalling lonely thing. It is
the one fact in a man's life wherein Le
i; absolutely individual. The thronging
company of life .drifts suddenly away
from him. He is alone with the univer-
sal. He may have unwavering faith in
the world to be, or he may have abso-
lute faith that death ends everything;
in each case it is the same—the dread-
ful loneliness with which the pinch"
must be endured smites the battling soul
with its icy blasts.
And yet it is only in brief moments
that the true horror of death sweeps
over the soul. We, do not think about
it. We put it away from us. Human-
ity has made up its mind . not to be
frightened. Death, indeed, is even
PREFERRED BEFORE LIFE.
A hopeless infatuation for a painted
doll will drive Fortunatus to. suicide.
Money troubles will fling a man under
a passing express, and dyspepsia bas
loaded many a revolver. Life may be
unendurable, but death is. not to be fear-
ed. Into the unthinkable mysteries of
the universe a soul casts itself in o
petulance, and the waters of death close
over it without 'a sound.
What has become of that soul? Where
is that consciousness gone—that person-
ality, that individual force which differ-
ed the man from every other man who
ever lived?
But the mob who watch the poor
drenched and bloated and horrible body.
wheeled -away to' the mortuary turn
eway without any realization of death.
They go to their taverns and their mer-
chandise, take .up the ol.d greasy and
hell -worn threads of their existence, and
getting of food monopolizes all their
thoughts.
Fear death? They fear nothing in the
world. They are not even afraid of
themselves.
THE DUTY• OF OFFICERS
WIIAT TIJFI ,!BRITISH GOVEl1N141ENT
EXPECTS TIIot 10 DO.
They Must Act ae Cooks, .Tailors,
Butchers, Grocers, Beer Experts,
and Executioners.
By a recent Army Order a certain
number of officers were to be sent from
every battalion and unit, in the army
to take lessons in the Army School r: f
Cookery, Aldershot. Of course, the ob-
ject of this training is not :to teach offi-
cers cook forthemselves, althou it
ce s Co .! ,
consideringthe many curious and un -
warlike dties the 'moder'n Array officer
has to perform, the vision of a subaltern
In the uniform of a French chef anxe
busty preparing some tempting dish on
the excellence of which he hopes to ex-
tract len days' leave from his colonel,
ie not beyond the, bounds of possibility.
The real object of the new order, how-
ever, is to give oi1{cers such a know-
ledge of the "culinary art" as will en-
able them in the future mare Intelligent-
ly to supervise the all-important mal -
ter of the good, vet economical, feed -
LEADING NARKETS •
I3READS'r UFFS.
Toronto, Feb. 20..-Witettt---Ontario No.
2 white 700 to 79*, red 783ao 10 790.
Mixed 78c to 78 ,c, goose and spring
74e to 75c, at outside points.
Wheat--Manitoba--No. 1 hard 89c, No.
1 northern 86%0, ` NO. 2 aorthorn 84s,
No. 3 northern 823 c, at lake ports; all -
rail quotations 3%c more than these
'1
Flour—Ontario--Exporters bid $3.15,
M bu .ens' bags, at outside points; high
at s
, ata t$3.17'5o;ron90toper bagscent. inpatentstuedeti,
quoted en
$3.60; Manitoba flrst patents, .44;30 to
$4.50; second patents, $4.10, bakers', $4.
Miflfeed - Bran,. in bags, outside,
$16.50; shoats, 316.50 to $17.50.
Oats 35c to 360, , outside.
Barley—No. 2 49 ee, No. 3 extra. 48e
to 46eec, No. 3 43e to 43eee,
Peas -79c, outside.
Rye 70c, outside.
Corn .- Canadian, 43c, Chatham
freights; American, No. 3 yellow, 49c 10
49eec; mixed, 68%c to 49e, at Toronto.
Buckwheat -51%c to 52c, outside.
COUNTRY PRODUCE.
Butter :The :market for ,choie stock
M of their risen whose diet by the
continues fairly aetice and steady.
way, has been greatly improved of late.
Twenty years ago .lommys,„ break-
fast and tea consisted of tea of cone
(such teal such coffee!) and bread, whilst.
his dinner, five days out of the seven,
was a heavy chunk of roast of boiled
Led.
A BREAD -AND -MEAT COURSE.
But now fish,: butter, bacon, and to-
matoes figure in his breakfast menus,
whilst dinner is diversified by the in-
troduction of soups, curries stews, and
all kinds of puddings, and' this without
costing him a penny more than it did
formerly, which shows what a wastage
there was in the bad old days.
The modern officer has to perforin
many duties which sit oddly on a fight-
ing man, To begin with, he must have
a fair knowledge of the tailoring trade.
tic has to sit on boards, and report ,^n
the quality of the clothing supplied. ty
the Government to his men. He has to
declare when articles arts outworn, and,
most imaortant of all, he is immediately
responsible for the fit of his men's
clothes.
Then every year each regiment sends
a certain number of officers through a
"bread -and -meat cour'se." That is, they
are taught. and very carefully 'taught,
how to judge the quality of the rations
supplied to the troops. And not only
are they taught this, but the actuni ex-
ercise of the butcher's art—how a car-
case. may he most economically cut up,
which are the prime cuts, which are not.
TIIE OFFICE11 AS A GROCER.
Of all the incroguous and distasteful
duties an officer has to perform,' how-
ever, perhaps first place should be
given tothe keeping of a grocer's shop.
which, to ell .intents and purposes, is
what the canteen president and his com-
mittee do, save where the "tenant" sys-
1 tem is in vogue.
Under this system yslem the tenant pays a
' certain sum for the privilege of "run-
ning" the canteen, and the committee's
duties are .limited to seeing that he fit-
; fills the conditions of his contract. But,
JOKE COST A LIFLZ.
Trick on Swiss Professor Recoils on a
Student.
A student of the university died at
Geneva as the result of his own prac-
tical joke or grudge.
The young man tried to take revenge
upon Professor Chodat in a remark-
able manner. On Thursday a procession
of tradesmen's carts began to arrive at
Lhe university, bringing all kinds cf
goods for which orders had been re-
ceived.
The goods were all - addressed to the
professor, and included a motor car, 1,-
000 visiting cards, dozens of boxes cf ,
cigars and cigarettes (tete professor does
not smoke), a valuable painting, :two
chests of Madeira, several gold watches,
twelve umbrellas, ten legs of mutton;
six hams and a case of corsets.
A lunch for 500 persons had also been
ordered - in honor of the baptism of Pro-
fessor Chodat's baby. The professor's
youngest child was nine years Old --
All
All day long the professor was busy
explaining to irate tradesmen that ht'
had not ordered -the -goods. He placed`
Me matter in the hands of the police,
who arrested one of the students.
The culprit had a weak heart, and
was so much overcome by what had
been done that he .had several attacks,
to one Of which he Succumbed.
The student was extremely populer
with his compades, who showed their
sympathy by placing dozens of wreaths
on his,,.bier,
•
INHERITED.
' Pa," said Willie,: looking up from )lis
book, "what is a linear foot?"
"Why-er—a linear foot," stammered
his father, "why--fir-'-it's ,eno that's
hereditary, of course. Didn't yeti never
hear tell of a linear descendant?"
otherwise, the canteen president becomes
o retail grocer. 1 -Ie must carefully watch
the fluctuations of the markets so cs
to buy in, the cheapest. He must show
a certain profit. oi' he will be asked to
"draw a map, and explain his reasons."
He must take stock once a month, Ile
has to keep a complicated set of act
cou-ls. and he is fareevery way directly
responsible for the commercial success
ar the canteen.
Then, in regard to the "wet" as op-
posed to the "dry" canteen, the presi-
dent has to have an expert knowledge.
of "beer, glorious beer," as somebody
used to sing. When the contract for the
suppliy of beer for the year is about to
be given out, tenders are invited from
the brewers, and the canteen commit-
tee, assisted by a willing subordinate
hoard of non-commissioned officers as-
semble. to taste and test samples sub-
mitted.
1t is a funny and never -to -he -forgot-
ten sight to see a "livery" old mnior,
with a fastidious taste in wine, disgust-
edly swallowing glass after glass rf
"swines"; but the whole business is no
laughing matter, for on a proper selec-
tion large sums of money may depend,
and woe betide the board which makes
a bad device.
THE WORST DUTY OF ALL...
Turning to some' minor duties, every
day an officer has to visit the infant-
school
nfantschool and see that the tiny scholars are
"all present and correct." Once a week
an officer of each company visits the
married quarters of his unit and assures
himself that they are clean.
It requires a very bold man to 'tell
Mrs. Tommy to her -face that they are
not.
Then officers have to play the doctor
ti the extent o.f silting on hospital courts
of inquiry, and reporting how patients
received their injuries, and they oaten
have to sit on examination boards. Fin-
ally, to come to the most, awful dull,
that an officer maybe called upon to
Perform, he may be regeircd to act its
hangman.
In time of war, officers known as pro-
vost -marshals are appointed to preserve
order and clikcipline among the. troops.
These pfficers have very wide powers,
being ruble to arrest anyone. no matter
how superior in rank he may be to
them, and they are responsible for the
carrying nut of all punishments inflict-
ed. Should an offender 1'e sentenced :o
be shot or hanged. it would be the pro-
vost -marshal's duty to make all . range-
ments for the execution, and, if neces-
sary, actually to execute the man him-
self.--Pearsores Weekly.
VOTING BY COMPULSION.
Compulsion in the discharge of oleo-
torn duties has hitherto been nothing
more than a theory regarded as Utopian,
'Switzerland. however, in lis chosen role
as the school of social and political ex-
peritnent, has.eleetcd :to translate 11 in-
to practice. A bill just introduced into
the Federal Legislature make;: it -penal
for any registered Outer to fain to re-
cord his vote. either at n cttntonaior e
;erleral election, except under ciretmt-
Sl&.ttCeS Wit{alt cart be shown to he 'be-
yond- itis contra),
•
Creamery ..,., ......, .. 24c to 25o
do solids 23c to 24e
Dairy le rolls, good to choice21c to 22c
do large rolls... 1.8c to 19e
do medium 18c to 10e
do tubs ,. ,....... 20c to 21c
do inferior 17e to 18c
Cheese—Unchanged at 13%a for large
and1.3%e for twins,
Eggs—Are quoted lower at 21c to 220.
Storage are easier, in sympathy at 15e
to 16c.
Poultry—Fat chickens, 10c to 1.1c, titin
7c to Sc; fat hens 7eec, to Seas; thin 6c to
7c; ducks 12c to 13c, thin Gc to 8c; geese
100 to 11c; turkeys 14c to 15c, for choice
small lots. .
Baled Hay—No. 1 is worth $8 per ton
in cur lots on track here, and No. 2 is
weak at see
Baled Straw—$6 per ton for car lots
on track here.
MONTREAL MARKETS.
Montreal, Feb. 14.--Grain—The de-
mand by cable for Manitoba spring
wheat was very limited and trade was
quiet.
Oats—No. 2, 41c; No. 3, 40c; No. 4, 39c.
Peas -79e f.o.b. per bushel.
Barley—Manitoba No. 3, 48%o; No. -d,
47c to 47%c.
Corn—American mixed, 52%o; No. 3
yellow, 53c ex -track.
Flour—Manitoba spring wheat patents,
$4.60 to $4.70; strong bakers', $4.20; win-
ter wheat patents, $4.25 to $4.50; straight
rollers, $4 to 34.10; do in bags, $1.85 to
$1.95; extras, $1.65 to $1.75.
`citilfeed—Manitoba bran in bags, $19;
shorts, $19 to $20 per ton; Ontario bran
in built, $1.4.50 to 315; shorts, $?0; milled
mouille, 221 to $!'4; straight grain
mounle, $25 to $27 per ton.'
Rolled Oals—Per bag, $1.90 to $1.95;
cornmeal, $1.30 to $1.40. per bag.
Hay—No. 1, $8 to 38.50; No. 2, $7 to
$7.50;_ clover, mixed, $6 to $6.50, and
pure -clover, $5.0- to $6 per -ton in car
lots.
Provisions—Heavy Canadian still,'cur
pork, $21; light short cut 320; American
short cut, $20; American cut clear fat
back, $19 to 320; compound lard, 6%c
to 7%c; Canadian pure lard, 113ec to
12c• kettle rendered, 123ac to 13c• hams,
12c to 1330, according to size; bacon,
14%c; fresh killed abattoir dressed hogs,
$10; country dressed, $8.75 to $9.50;
alive, $7.25, selects and mixed lots.
Eggs -New laid, 23c to, 24c; selects,
20c to 21c; No. 2 candled, 15c Id' 17o per
dozen.
Butler—Choicest creamery, 22%c; un-
dergrades, 21%c; dairy, 190 to 20c.
• Cheese—Ontario, 13c to -13%c; Quebec,
12%c.
Ashes—First pots, $5.25; seconds,
34.70; thirds, $3.75; first pearls, $7.
BUFFALO MARKET.
Buffalo, Feb, 20.-Flour—Firm. Wheat
—Spring unsettled; No. 1 Northern,
90%e, carloads; Winter, nothing done.
Corn—Barely steady; No. 2 yellow, 46%.c;
2
No. corn, 45eec. Oats --Steady; No.:,,
white,' 34%c; No. 2 mixed, 33c. Barley-.
Western ' in store quoted at 45 to 52e.
Rye—Dull; No. 2 in store, 71,3e to 72c
asked. '
NEW YORK WHEAT MARKET.
New York, Feb. 20.—Wheat—Spot
steady; No. 2 red, 88%c elevator; No. 2
red, 92%c f.o.b. afloat; No. 1 Northern,
Duluth, 04%o f.o.b. afloat
• CATTLE MARKET.
Toronto, Feb. 20. — Business opened
steady at the Western Market to -day.
Buyers stated that the bulk of the ex-
porters' brought forward•were little bet-
ter than short -keeps. Dealars did not
care to pay more than $4.75 for ex-
porters', save in casese where the ani-
mals were of superior quality, The
nominal range to -day was $4.40 to $4.-
90 per cwt.
Quite a number of mixed loads of ex-
porters' and butchers' were received.
The stiles of these were readily made.
One lot brought 44.10 per cwt.
For 8traight butchers' heifers, stall.
fed and equal in quality to exporters',
fancy prices were paid. But thesecat.
Ale easily rank above any others in the
butchers' tike. Some small select leis
sold. at $4.50 to $1.75 per cwt. Orme
butchers', in loads, said at $4 to *1.115..'
Cows were in demand to -day, and their
ealues were firm. Good ones barcugiit
$3.50 to $1.00; common $2.50 to $al, and
canners. $1.50 to $e per cwt. '
The run of short -keep feeders • woe'
larger than usual to -day. Buying
in them was active and vn.luw; ,mare
steady,, the top figures reachiog ni,11
per cwt.
Lines are now rtuoted at $6:r5 pet
cwt: for Meets. anti $050 for lighla nn,,•
fa Is, The deliveries were 'small, ndd
the pacicineheuses are ;keenly compet-
ing for supplies.
The elections to the National Assem-
bly in Russian are fixed for April 7. The
opening session will take place on April
28.
German newspapers have adopted a
somewhat altered tone respcct;sltl the
Moroccan eonfercnce. Germany a desire
to avoid a rupture with trance saenmS
imdenfabte.