HomeMy WebLinkAboutExeter Advocate, 1899-10-19, Page 7A NATURAL ERROR.
But This Time It 15::. 'lade by the
Wroni, Ma....
"I had been Oecul - a certain
room in this house for nc>esa• a year,.
said a drummer who lives as one of
the hotels, "but the other day they
gave me the apartment adjoining,
which is a tribe larger. Last night I
came in rather late and very nzueii
preoccupied and when I opened the
door was startled to find a strange
man, with his feet on the bureau, read-
ing a paper. It dashed across my mind
instantly that I bad gone to my old
room by force of habit, and I offered
my apologies as gracefully as I could.
°•'I occupied this room for a long
time,' I said, 'and it comes natural to
ane to walk right ln, I'm very sorry I
disturbed you.'
"`nkat should certainly have been
satisfactory, but the fellow jumped
up with aface as black as thunder.
•`'Hold on a bit,' he said. 'It strikes
me that's a pretty thin ea ease,'
" "What de you mean, sir?' said 1,
getting mad myself,
" "I mean I don't believe you're
straight,' he replied, stepping between
nae and the door, 'I've heard of these
kind of tricks before, and I think I'll
just Investigate sou,'
"It's pretty rough to be taken for a
sneak thief in one's owe hotel, and I
lost my head completely.
"'I'll slap your Saws!' I cried and
made a pass at hits, hut be jumped
'back and rang„tho bell. Then he Squar-
ed
quared off a la Jeffries.
"'Come on; he said, cool as you
please. `The police will be here la Si
minute, and you leave no time to lose.'
"I was just about to sail in wheu 1
happenedto notice for the first thee it.
lot of my toilet articles on the bureau,.
I glared around, and there was all my
luggage in the corner. By Jovel I was
in my owl, roam after alai It was the
other fellow wbo had made the mis-
take.
"The situation was so absurd that I
roared with laughter, and my late an-
tagonist put down his hands and look-
ed puzzled. I made a brief explana-
tion, pointed to the number an the
door, and he was the most chagrined
individual in 10 states.
".Ile really belouged across the hall
and had mistaken a figure 6 in the door
number for an 8. As be took his de-
parture be remarked that be was the
biggest fool on the henmtspbere and
said that he would ]lite to engage a
good healthy mule to Welt him around
the parish for a few days." ---New Or-
leans Times -Democrat,
Enthralling Eyes.
A penny novelette is never complete
without the heroine inflicting grave
torture on her eyes. In the course of
one "complete story" this is what she
did:
"She threw her eyes up to the ceiling.
Then she dropped them on the floor.
Again she raised them and again she
lowered them."
"She made her eyes flash fire."
"Her eyes burned."
"Her eyes froze,"
"Her eyes glowered like burning
coals."
"She cast her eyes to his chest, then
dropped them to the fender."
"His eyes crossed hers and greedily
devoured them."
But at last ber eyes had their re-
venge, for we read, "Her eyes betray-
ed her." -Tit -Bits.
A Good Scheme.
Hicks -Funny thing happened to
Melville the other evening. He found
out when he had pulled the door to
after coming through it that he had
left his keys in the bouse.
Wicks -And so he was forced to re-
main out all night? That was too bad.
Hicks -Yes, but be bore up under it
with fortitude. He thinks he will try
it again some other night. -Boston
Transcript.
Plenty of Them.
Romantic Tourist -1 suppose yon
have no interesting old ruins in this
neighborhood?
Villager -No ruins? Great Scott, mis-
ter! I can show you more'n two dozen
buildin's in this county that used to be
creameries in the old days 'fore the
trusts.
At First Sight.
"Do you believe in love at first
elgbt?" she asked.
"That's the only way it's possible,"
answered the old bachelor. "Second
eight would utterly destroy it." -Cha
cage
t"-Chi-
cago Post.
A Mistake.
Hooter -I hear that the Columbia has
struck a rock.
Rooter -No; it's only a Sham -rock.
She'll sail around that all right. -
Washington Post.
Trouble Ahead.
•
Spoiled In Transit.
"I wonder," said Clzolly as they
drove along the boulevard, "why that
thing in front of us is called a T cart?"
"Perhaps," suggested Miss. Flyppe,
"it is because it is just ahead of 'i7.'"
Which struck Coolly as being so
clever that he undertook to reproduce.
it at the club that evening.
"I-awsked her," he proceeded, after
giving the preliminaries,
"why that
thing its front of us was called a T
cart, and she said it was because It
was just ahead of me. Baw, Jove,
though, I cawn't make it sound the way
It did when she got it off, don't you,.
know,"
What Worried Him.
Beggar Woman-•--Tlata cough bothe
me so.
Pianist-4Bothers you? It bothers me
more because you cough an octave too
high,-Fliegende Blatter,
eases- _as
"Dar's all right, kid, lafi'. But de
day'il come when youse knows de
pangs of unrequited love."—New York
journal.
A ,Sudden Aranence.
"1 have returned,"
As be spoke we handsome and bronz-
ed stranger brandished In tike face of
the girl he loved a Gladstone bag stuff-
ed with bonds,
"When you refused me because I
was poor," he said, "you little knew
what I was capable of,
The first question on her lips after
she had properly thrown herself in hi■
arms was to inpaire bow be got It,
"For the Last three weeks." be said
exultingly, "I have been head wattee
In a summer hotel,"
Couldn't Spring Tbat: on Them.
"Now, children," said the visitor who
was addressing the Sunday school, "let
me give you a simple Illustration of
what faith Is. You see my watch ebain,
You would not have the slightest best,
tation, now, in asking nae what time It
is, because you have faith that I have
a watch."
"Not unless we see the works," re-
plied the children as one boy.-Cllicago
Tribune,
•
Ilia Heart All fright.
"You are all right," said the doctor
after be had gone through with the
regulation tlnimplug and listening with
his patient. "Not a trace of heart dis-
ease, Fifteen dollars, please."
The patient drew a long breath and
remarked "1 am sure now I have no
heart disease. If I had, I should have
dropped dead when you mentioned
your fee," -Boston Commercial Bulle-
tin.
It Seemed 1Tselens.
"I'm a good deal interested in the
new planet they are preparing to
study," remarked the man who finds
relaxation from business In astrono-
my.
"A new planet!" echoed the trust
magnate reproacbfully. "What was
the use! We don't own all the earth
yet!"
Something Noteworthy,
"What has be ever done to make the
world remember him? Nothing -ab-
solutely nothing. He has never" -
"Hold on, now. You're getting ahead
of the subject. He's made enough
money to keep his heirs fighting and
his name in the newspapers for years
after he is gone." -Chicago Times -Her-
ald.
A Successful. Show.
First Circus Man -How do you man-
age to fill your show with only six per-
formers?
Second Circus Man -1 carry 12 bill
posters. -New York Weekly.
Getting His 1llea01nre.
"Is that newcomer a naturalized
Englishman?" inquired the earl.
"No," answered the duke. "He's
merely an unnaturalized American." -
Washington Star.
Pro Bono
"I've a scheme to
car manners."
"What is it?"
"haven chaperon
cago i.,•cord.
Publico.
improve our street
on each car." -Ohl -
Our Honorary Titles.
"Why do you use 'Hon.' in address-
ing a letter to him?"
"He was once a delegate to a coun-
ty convention." -Chicago Post.
When Willie Had the Measles.
When I had the measles, year ago,
Ma she said, "Now, Willie, dear, you know
You've got the measles, so you must be good
An stay indoors as all sick children should."
Gee, I was good The fellers used to call
An yell for me, but I wouldn't go at all,
Because I had the measles. Jes' broke out
As speckled as a turkey egg, about.
An ma, she fed me on ras'berry Jam,
'At we only have for company, an Sam-
Sam, he's my brother—didn't git none. Cake
An chicken pie an all good things she'd bake.
But bread an butter an bacon, like Sam had,
I didn't, 'cause my appetite was bad.
Oh, nothin was too good for me, you know,
When I bad the measles, year ago.
An sometimes, when ma said I could, I took
The great big tam'ly Bible down to look
pictures—Moses in the r
Atto ushee ea'
.i
little baby y in a basket—yes,
yes,
An David choppin up the gi-unt. Then
There was old Daniel in the lions' den,
With growling lions, crouchin in the dark,
Ten times as many as at Lincoln park.
When'I had the measles, year ago,
Gee,.I lived high! An one, day Sam, d'ye know,
$e blubbered some 'cause he'd had 'em once,
An I felt sorry. Pa says he's a dunce,.
But I guess not, for thinkin of the jam
All locked up tight. t quite agree with Sam—
Worst thing 'bout havin, measles is that when
You've had 'ern once you never can again.
ALlrr¢e ilei re&
Cro-
AN AUTUMNAL REVERIE.
By Ninon Waterman.
UST an humble, plain -faced woman,
Middle-aged and somewhat gray;
True and wholesome -like and human,, —
Kind. o' grave and kind o' gay.
Makes me fhleece
early
autumn,
Grapes a-purplin' on the vine,
Where the first faint frost has caught 'em,
Caught and kissed 'em into wine.
Deep -voiced boys now call her "rnother,''
Baby boys that 's grown to be,
By some magic trick or other,
In a year as tall as she :
Girls that yesterday was clingin'
To her skirts, 1 've seen o' late
With the neighbor boys a-swingin.'
At the rose -wreathed garden gate.
While across her brow Time's finger
Writes the plainer tales o' truth
In her heart there still must linger
s
All the flowery dreams of youth.
Fields are sweet with bloomy clover,
Life is crowned with blissful joys
Love's pure gold she 's coinin' aver
In her happy girls and boys.
Seems as though the cup Fate brings us
is a sort o' bitter-sweet,
Kind o' soothes an' kind o' stings us,—
Mirth and melancholy meet.
Grief comes hushin' all our laughter,
Fairest skies are clouded o'er,
But the sunshine Toners after,
Always brighter than before.
Spring may fade and Summer vanish,
Autumn yield to Winter's sway,
Yet the years can never banish
Beauty Love has crowned with May.
In the chimney -corner, cozy,
Dreamin' in the firelight's glow,
1 shall see her cheeks blush, rosy,
As I saw thein long ago.
•q' t ca Z * ° ' gr°' ` °,15'►m°Agt Oat
Sialaad
fps
r4y
Foa
!AMU* tier Inge Customs.
In. Siberia a, bride, on entering her
husband's house, must be prepared to
show her skill in. cooking. She is ex-
pected to give a dinner prepared with
her own hands, as a test of the ethics. -
tion she has received. If she pleases
her guests it is taken not only as a
proof that she is well qualified for her
new position, but that her family is
a worthy one, since her parents have
trained their daughter so successfully.
There is another land where thrift
is expected of the young folks. In.
Holland, a girl is bound to ask her fu-
ture husband if he can afford to pay
the wedding fees.
In Norway, however, things are not
quite so promising. The Norwegians
are always trying to put the best foot
foremost, and they do it in reference
to marriage as well as in reference to
other matters.
It is said that a young man once
went out to seek a wife, and came to
a farm house where there was more
wit than money. The only thing of
which the farmer could boast was one
new sleeve to his coat. This must be
made the most of.
"Pray take a seat," he said, hospit-
ably. "But this room is shockingly
dusty," and so saying, he went about
wiping tables and benches with his
new sleeve, while he carefully kept
the old one behind him.
His wife possessed one new shoe,
and one only, but she made the most
of it by pushing the furniture in place
with it, and keeping the other hidden
beneath her skirts. "It is very un-
tidy here," she said. "Everything
is out of place."
Then they called to the daughter to
Dome and put things to rights. But
the only new thing she possessed was
a cap. So she kept putting her head
in at the door, and nodding and nodd-
ing.
"For my part," she said, "I can't
be everywhere at once."
Thus they all tried to make the
young man believe the household
was well-to-do.
One cannot but think that the meth-
ods of Siberia and Holland are most
likely to lead to happiness in the end.
,.. Forests or tearless Trees.
Forests of leafless trees are to be
found in some parts of Australia. The
trees, known as the "Leafless Ac-
acia," have no leaf, and their respira-
tion is carried on through a little
stem which, for this purpose, appar-
ently acts the same as a leaf. In this
species, in consequence of the intense
heatg
and drought of Australia where
re
•.
en-
tirely
abound, blade
the , the leaf
ceases to be developed, and the
leaf stock becomes vertically flattened
into what botanists term a' `phyllode, "
which performs the same negative
functions as the leaf, but presents
only an edge to direct sunshine and
light; and is thereby protected from
excessive evaporation. There are also
forests of another leafless tree in
"'BECAUSE YOU -,UE ME."
Because you love n:e I have found-
New joys that were not mine before,
new stars that lightened up my sSFy
With glories growing snore and more.
Because you love ate I can rise
To heights of fame and realrua of power;
Because you love me I may learn
The highest use of every hour,
Because you, I ve me 1 e41,1 c Dose
To look through your dear eyes and set
Beyond the beauty of the now
Par onward to eternity.
Becausge you love me 1 can wait
With perfect patience well possessed;
Because you love me all my life
is circled with unquestioned rest;
Iles, esen We and even death
14 all ungaestioned and all blest.
—B. II. 1). in Pall Mall Magazine.
y>yt:�r��rk �sS�,x�xt►»Kt!Kxltsr�3l
I MOT FOR PUBL1CT1ON.
Yak
An . nthoz- ,!",.;eta an. Inslwivation
!i' Froud an ar expected
Source,
"What a life:" repeated the man to
hlmseif'wth almost a writhe. "Making
brieks without straw all the year
if round. I wish -there, I wish to God
I'd never Iearned bow to write:"
And yet it hail paid him stn solid coin,
so far, One of his minor dreams was
realized; the window of his writing
room overlooked a suburban roadway
along whieb jarring wbeefs seldoae
rattled; he had got away from the
s w
whir and dronef the town, wherehis
nerves had been at a tension all day
long. He could eonipose in peace, And
yet he sat with the bitter, idle stare,
elittehing a dry pen.
The fluor behind creaked; a woman
glided in on tiptoe, "Don't start -it's
only I," she whispered.
"Don't start He threw down the
pen without turning. "It's all starts -
or the strata of expecting these. I'm
Mak of it, I tell you --sick of it all,"
"What is the matter?" She bad paus-
ed half way, with hands together.
"Can't you write?"
"'Write: I've nothing to write. I'm
drained dry, And I promised a tragic;
story" -with a belt sneer -"for that
Soeiety Sun, Tragic! What's the
time?"
"It must be nearly f."
"'$ix? Dark in another hour. Arise;
now. I've clone nothing. And you—you
never attempt to help use, by so meet
t
as a word:"
Never help you?" she echoed; and
repeated, it to herself. "I never help
Win! But when have you asked sueli a
thing? What good would be my ideas:"
"t)h, not sough. Women seldom have
real ideas, They're flitting Superficiali-
ties. :till" ---
A long silence. The door creaked
again, but he knew she had only closed
it and was stillhovering behind hint.
Ile was somewhat surprised, but would
not turn, vaguely conscious of the
sneer's hollowness. Then -
"I never help you," she repeated
calmly. "Would you like .me to try?
Perhaps something has just come into
my mini. It is silly, maybe, as I tell
It; but you, my busband, might make
it clever and iuteresting. You say
your stories are always twaddle as you
first set them down,"
"Do I? Well, what Is it?" he said.
staring across at the opposite roofs,
"This situation Is novel. Go on. Never
mind as long as there is anything at all
in it."
"There Is there Is a woman's heart
In it, I think," she whispered. "Is that
any good?"
"our be said. Her voice had tailed
off as if she had a real idea, but was
afraid of the sneer. "Well, there usual-
ly is; that's one of the component
parts of the average story. Even humor
is the brighter for tragedy lurking in
the background, you know. Anything
in the heart? That's the point. Yes;
anything in this heart?"
Another silence. "Couldn't I tell you
just as it came to me, then?" she said.
"I'm not clever enough to know. It's
more of a sketch, perhaps. I -I imagin-
ed two lovers, very dear lovers. They
got married, and there was a beautiful
world before them, with such peace
at the end, if they knew! Make the
man an artist. He lived for his art.
The girl -the girl was only just a girl;
she lived for the man. She hung on
his every word, you might say; she
prayed for his success when he was
never there to hear, thought for him
in ways that he would never know and
checked her singing and moved softly
so that he should never be disturbed at
his work. You're not writing. Is it so
silly?"
"Go on," he whispered. "There -
there's nothing to write yet."
"That went on for years. The man,
deeper and deeper in his work, never
saw that his wife was changing, that
the light had gone out of her eyes.
He forgot all he had meant to be -for-
got after a time even to kiss her, and
the girl -she could never bring herself
to remind him -eh? She still lived
ouly for him, but he never cared what
she wore, never thought that her work
might be hard in its little way, and
that there are some women for whoni
years of such silence and loneliness
spells death -or worse. She was al-
ways crying at first and never dared to
tell him why if he did not see for him-
self and kept out of his way so that
his mind should not be spoiled for
work. And he -say that he thought it
was something else and spoke harsh-
ly and sneered and at Last got so that
he lived in a world of his oti'n and
wouldn't open" his door when -when lie
knew that her heart was bursting i
oM
out-
side, longing for one kind word again.
Or -or -something like that. Could you
begin anything with that?"
No answer. She could not see, but
the man's outward' stare was as if it
would never again relax. She went
on a little faster, her voice taking a
thrill -just as though his silence, im-
plied that there might be real dramatic
possibilities in her small inspiration.
"A think my husband could -yes! The
Australia, the Casuarina or beef -wood,
a tree with rigid, drooping branch -
lets something like our "horsetails,"
their woodthe color of beef (whence
their name), and as good as English
oak, Leafless forests are also mot
with in Florida, here are large tracts
of country solely covered with dead
pines that have been destroyed by the
larvae of the sphinx. In the dry, arid
districts of Mexico an immense area
of country is covered with a species of
mimosa trees (also of the acacia tribe)
which bears nothing but thorns and
blossom; no leaves ever appear, all
growth and Progress taking place
through the thorns, which are shed.
at certain seasons and replaced by
new ones.
Spurgeon and the Student.
Mr. Spurgeon used to tell a good
story about ono of his divinity stu-
dents. It was his custom, in order
to test the powers of the young men
for speaking, to give them as they
were about to ascend the pulpit a
text to discourse about on their own
plan and in their own words. This, of
course, was not before the audience,
but simply among themselves to prac-
tice. On the occasion referred to he
gave to a young man who as yet had
not tried the ordeal the simple word
"Zacchaeus." The young man, tremb-
ling from head to foot, said:
"I will divide my subject into three
parts. First, we read that Zacchaeus
as small of stature, and I never felt
smaller than at the present moment ;
second, we read that Zacchaeus climb-
ed a tree, which reminds me of my
ascent into this pulpit; third, we
read that Zacchaeus made haste to
come down, which accordingly I will
do."
Whether this man ever became a
great preacher or not, we are told not,
but he certainly showed that he pos-
sessed ready wit.
A (Queer Payment,
A Yorkshire clergyman married a
couple in his church recently, and
after he had pronounced them man
and wife the groomtook him to one
side and asked what the damage was.
The parson told him that there was
no fixed amount. He might give
whatever he chose:
"Parson" said he, "I've got five
greyhound pups at home, for which I
am asking a sovereign apiece, and I'll
let you have one for half a sov."
Of course the clergyman declined so
ridiculous a fee, as he had no use for
a greyhound pup.
When he got home he must have
found his wife
bettor
than expected,
,
ofthe ups,
for he sent the parson one pups,
accompanied with a letter saying that
he was so happy with Maria that he
would give him a clog for nothing.
A Seasoned Politician.
"You say he is a seasoned .polit!-
elan?"
"Yes, but he is so crooked that I
think he, must have been warned in the
seasoning,"
world is used to seeing the man growl
indifferent and the woman cold and
pale; but you—you might take the trag-
edy as It is within the four walls and
make it live and throb .ln there. You,
might put it that at first the man's
mistake was in always straining for-
ward to his goal, forgetting that the
happiest time is now --forgetting how,
When he looks at last he will not find
tt '
just the same laughing' girl as he mar-
ried.
arried. Often he left her, we will say..
he wanted cheerful faces and relax*
tion after his work, and the wife war
only like a ghost creeping about thy.
house. And so at last, for her the only
alternative to a broken heart was &
heart hardened to stone. And, oh, she'
had so ieved hint -had SO determined
always to look her brightest and best
for him,! That might have gone on till
the end, as it often does; but there
cape a blow -one blow more than sher
could bear. We'll suppose --we'll sup-
pose that one day the wife, somehow'
or other, heard him talking to a friend -
The friend Was quiet; be had asked;
`What's the matter with—with her? Alt
the romance gone that you used to tali(
about? Make it malice it that she held
her breath for the answer, even then—,
even then; that even then she was
hungering to put her arms all around
him, and telt bila. oh, no, It was not
goiae! And supposing atm heard leaser
say:'Her: Pooh, take no notice of her
---always the same. Wish to God some-
times I'd never married -what with
the Menses and the miserieg at homes
Can't make her out-u.ot like other woe
men. Given it up long ago, Don't you
ever marry, old ;maul' And supposime
the wife stood and cried to God to taker
her on the spot, and that God did not
aaztimver, azzd that at last -at last, wbea,
something seemed as If it would snap
in her brand-'-stie crept into her bus...
band's study and took out the pistol
be keptdesku
that in his and put to i
her forehead, and -and almost pulled.
the trigger, Wouldn't a paper Accept
a story lake that?"
Stili uo answer. The Ulan had crane
ed still farther forward, his bands gripe
ping the desk, his face gray in the
dusk, lois stare widened. It ,looked --it
somehow looked as if he feared for his
:life to look around, In fear of a hand
welting for his throat. It was not hie
wife talking, It was tragedy that had
come creeping into the room, as it
sometimes did wizen lie wrote late, and
something stood and breathed behind
catch shoulder.
The voice cane again, as from a lona
way off,
"Yes! Say she paused the moment,.
and that saved bee, She looked at hie
work and thought of his long struggles
and the mind that always strained aft-
er something in life that is never to bei
found. But the thought had come into
her head, and it staid and stand, and
more than once, when he had passed
her with hardly a word or look—no,
my God, she could not bear it! God,
forgive her, she caunot bear it!"
The indescribable sob and a swift
rush. .A. hand bad plucked open the
drawer at the man's side, and some-
thing bright flashed out. rust in time
he realized something and swayed up,
with a hoarse cry; "Winnie! No, nol"
and faced the picture tbat was to eat
into his memory for all time.
The dead silence, the stare with
which the wide eyes In her worn,
white face seemed to search his soul
wildly for a flicker of the truth! Then
her hand dropped, and her face began
to twitch piteously. His arms were
out—and the heart beat there yet.
"Winnie!" he had whispered -such a
whisper. "Don't, don't! Come back
to me! Come back to me!"
And for those two Time put back the
hands of his clock. But the story.
That was not for publication. -London
Star.
Killing Off Thistles.
A correspondent of the Michigasl
Farmer writes as follows about killing
off Canada thistles:
The writer's method, which has been
very successful, is as follows: The Job
is let out to a boy (or boys), and the
terms of the contract are "no kill, no
pay." The result is the boy gets hie:
pay.
On my farm the thistles grow ta.
patches, and I pay so much per patch,
according to size. The work is begun
In the spring. Each week for two or
three weeks the boys cut them with &
hoe about two inches below the surface
of the ground.
Once in two weeks, for about three
times and after this about once &
month, this job is done during the bal-
ance of the season. By fall the thistle.
are smothered out.
The leaves of a plant are its lungs..
You can kill an oak tree by picking off.
its lea yes and buns for one season. I
plan to kill thistles in a field devoted
to cultivated crops. After the second,
or third cutting very few plants will:
appear.
By a little attention to the boy he
will attend to the thistles and at the
same time earn a little cash. I have
tried salt, which kills the thistle, but is
expensive and don't help the boy.
Row Postal Cards Are Often Wasted.
"Women often send messages to their
dressmaker or to dry goods shops on
postal cards," says The Ladies' Home
Journal, "attaching a bit of cloth, rib-
bon or lace as samples. This makes
the card 'unmailable,' SO It is always: -
sent to the dead letter office and hr
variably destroyed. Tien -presumably
men -not infrequently paste a clever
joke or a telling political fragment -
upon a postal and send it to a friend
at leastt
s art it. But it never arra
v ver.
Nothing may be attached to a postal
card, nor may one word be written up-
on the address side except the address
itself."
Glad to Conreat.
She --What did papa say?
He—I asked his consent to our seer
riaga by telephone, and he replied, "1`
don't' know who jou are bit it's, alk
*ht. "—Boston Traveled