The Exeter Advocate, 1895-8-9, Page 3A KNIGHT OF ITALY.
FORCED BY OFILJ El- FATE TO BECOME
A MENIAL.
Alessandro Zola, Chevalier, Scholar, Sol-
dier and Becendant of an niustrioue
liPamity, is Now Serving Coffee in it New
Yorlg Hotel,
Employed in the hunible eapaoity of
coffee server in the culinary department
a the gt. Nieholes Hotel, New York, is
a inan of impressive appearauce and dis-
tinguished ancestry. His name is Ales.
sandro Zola. He is the second in descent
from that General Zola who accompanied
the first Napoleon through his many
wars, and finally shared with Jilin his
exile on the bleak island of St. Helena;
he is the son of the late Colonel Augustin
, Zola of the Italian army, and for year;
President of the Italian Military Tribun-
al, and a distant relative of Emile Zola,
the world-famous head of the Modern
realistic school of novelists.
Alessandro Zola himself has had honore
heaped upon him in his native land in
token of his scholarship and moral
worth, and was knighted in 1879, by
Humbert, King of Italy, the patent,
which he still possesses, bearing the
royal signature as well as those of his
Ministers of State.
Zola was born in Cavaglia'in the prov-
ince of Piedinont, Northern Italy, in 1857
—just two years before his father won
fame in the war against Austria. He was
educated at the University of Turin as
a doctor of medicine, and later studied
for tho bar. When he became of age he
joined the army, as every Italian subject
is forced to do, and saw service in several
campaigns in the African colonies.
When he received his discharge from the
army he was given the rank of Colonel of ELOQUENTLY SENTENCED.
the militia, or the reserve forces. He The Old Judge wound iep His High -
then began the practice of medicine in 36, , B .
STOItY OP DEAN wi rr, 4910Nsig. laN1101. LAIDRIE•"
Ile Wants Companyan.c1Hears a SernliM
of Ills Own.
The. eccentric Dean Swift, in the
Gonnea of one those journeys whichit
is -well known, he several times per-
forxned on. foot, was travelling through
Church Stretton„ Shropshire, when he
put up at the sign ot the Crown, and
finding the host to be a communieative,
good-humorell man, enquired if there
was any agreeable person in town
with whom he might partake of dinner
(as he had desired to provide him one),
and that sneh a person Should have
nothing to pay. The landlord imme-
diately replied that the eurate, Mr.
Jones was a very agreeable eompanion,
and would. not, he supposed, have any
objeetion to spend a few hours with a
gentleman of his appearance. The dean
directed him to wait on Mr. jones, with
his compliments, and to say that a
traveller would be glad to be favored
with his company at the Crown, if it
Was agreeable. When Mr. Jones and
the clean had dined., and the glass be-
gan to circulate, the former made an
apology for an occasional absence, say-
ing that he was at three o'doek to read
the prayers and. preech at the church.
Upon this intimation, the dean also re-
tha t he should also attend. prayer%0
Servieebeing ended, ancl the two gentle-
men having resumed their station at
the Crown, the dean began to compli-'
ment Mr. Jones npon. the delivery of a
very appropriate sermon.; and remark-
ed that it must have cost him (Mr.
Jones) some time and attention. too =-
pose such a one. Mr, Jones observed
that his duty -was rather laborious, as
he served another parish church at a
distance, which, with the Sunday and
weekly service at Church Stretton,
straitened him with much respect to
the time necessary for the composition
of sermons; so that when the subject
pressed., he could only devote a few days
and nights to the g.pose. "Well," said
the dean, "it is wellfor yon to have
such a talent; for my part, the very ser-
mon you preached this afternoon cost
me some months in the composing." On
this observation, Mr. Jones began to
look gloomy, and to recognize his com-
panion. "Hewever," rejoined the dean,
"don't you be alarmed..; you have so
good a talent at delivery, that I here-
by declare you have done more honor
to my sermon this day than I could. do
mys , an y vtay o • P 0
the matter you must accept this half
!guinea, for the justice you have done
31I the:deli-very of it."
Turin, serving for a time as director of
the Hospital Maggiore, the largest in-
stitution of that character in Northern
Italy. Becoming tired of hospital life,
Zola undertook the profession of law, and
after a short time was made Secretary of
the Commune of the city of Pinerolo,
Piedmont, which position he held until
he decided to seek his fortune in America.
When he departed from Pinerola he re-
ceived from the city a set of resolutions
of regret over the loss of so good a citizen,
But for all the compliments and degrees
that were bestowed upon him, Zola still
remained poor of purse. He had married
meanwhile, and had become the father
of two children, and dipslomas and such
like, though they are good things to
hand down to one's posterity, have very
little value in the money market. Hon-
,
ors don't buy bread.
Such, in brief, is the story of Alexan-
der Zola, scientist. litterateur and cheval-
ier of hely. Fate has smiled upon him
grudgingly since he left his native shores,
PRESENTEE BY THE GREAT NAPOLEON.
and all that he has left now to remind
him of past pleasures and the honor that
attaches to his patronymic is an old trunk
full of patents and diplomas, and two
glass cases of medals.
Among the first are many which he
himself received; the others, las well se
the medals, areleirlooms from father and
grand sire and to -day constitute the
priceless treasures of a man whom no
amount of hardships could rob of senti-
ment or cause to forget the triumphs of
Ms race.
Among the medals are three that are
specially prized. The first is a small star-
shaped affair of silver and white enamel.
It was given to his grandfather on the
field of Dresden by Napoleon I., and is
carefully preserved in a bit of paper, now
brown with age, upon which is written
in faded letters:
"This medal was pinned upon ray
breastby the hands of the Great Napoleon
on the battlefield of Dresden in Septem-
ber, 1818. •
"George Maria Zola, Chevalier of the
Legion of Honor."
Next to this is the cross of the Legion
of Honor which was granted General Zola
in reward Mr his services to Prance in
1805.
As has been said, General Zola accom-
panied Napoleon into exile on St. Helena,
After the dethroned Emperor's demise,
he returned to Italy, and became Com-
mander of the fortress of Savigiliano, in
the ;Kingdom of Sardinia. Until the last
day of his life General Zola would shove
signs of deep emotion upon mention a
Napoleon's name, and would talk for
hours of his career under the greatest
history -maker of the modem world.
. For the past three years, waking or
dreaming, the spectre of grim want hag
ever stood by the side of Alexander Zola,
Yet, when he was naked what price would
purchase some of the mementos in ,his
possession, he raised his hands on high
and exelaintea passionately:
- "Not all the gold in the world!"
The Modern Version and Whom it was
Written by.
The heroine of the song was a Scot-
tish maiden; and according to all a,e-
eounts was beautiful beyond compare.
.Slie was one of the four daughters of Sir
Robert Laurie of Maxweliton, by his
Second wife, who was a daughter of
Biddle of Minto. One of the riddles, it
may be mentioned, was an extraordixi-
wry character and on aceount of habit
and strong constitution, was able to
carry any amount of Scotch whisky
below the belt. One of the Lauries,
near neighbor of the Riddles, was also
widely fancied for his drinking qualifi-
, cations.
The first version a the gbng of "Max-
wellton. Braes" was written by Douglas
of Fingland,a,bout the end of the seven-
teenth century. Although he loved
Annie with all the passion of a lover,
yet she was wilful and capricious, and
treated her lover with cold contempt.
It is said that all his plans, purposes
and aclorations were of no avail, To
v
proe this and to cap the climax she got
wedded in a hurry to Mr. Ferguson, of
Craigclarrock. After this.event we find
that Mr. Douglas became disconsolate
and broken-hearted, which proves the
burden of the old song :
"Love, love, love, love, love is like a dizziness,
It wunna let a puir body gang about their bud:,
ness."
The old version of the song thus
runs :—
"Maxwell ton banks are bonnie,
Where early. fa's the dew ;
Where me and Annie Laurie
Made up the promise true;
Made up the promise true,
And never forret will I ;
And for bonnie Annie Laurie
I'll lay me down and die.
"She's backit like a peacock,
She's briested, like the swan,
She's jimp about the middle, •
Her waist ye weel might span;
Her waist ye well might span
And she has a..rolling eye ;
And for bonnie Annie Laurie
I'll lay me down and die."
I have consulted various editions of
Soottish song books regarding the auth-
orship of the tune and words of the
modern version, but with little or no
sucoess. E • D Charles Mackay,in
his "Book of Scottish songs," classes it
as an.onyinots. Before the publication
of my "Sketches and Anecdotes," I re-
ceived the information that the song
and tune in question were composed by
Lady John Scott, and which,for the pur-
pose of comparison between the old and
- new, I quote : •
"Maxwelton braes are bonnie
Where early falls the dew :
alutin Speech a rilliant Bit. And it's there that Annie Laurie
Gied me her promise true ;
Gied me her promise true,
WhIc.h ne'er forgot will be;
And for bonnie Annie Laurie
I'd layme down and dee.
"Efer brow is like the snow -drift,
Her neck is like the swan,
Her face it is the fairest
That e'er the sun shone on;
That e'er the sin, shone on ;
And dark blue is her e'e,
And for bonnie Annie Laurie
I'd lay me down and dee.
'Like dew on the gowan lying.
Is the fa' o' her falry feet,
And like winds in smnmer sighing,
lier voice is low and sweet;
Her voice is low and sweet,
And she's a' the world to me:
And for bonnie Annie Lftlirie
I'd lay me down and dee."
North Dakota's Colonel Plummer
was in St. Paul the other day telling
stories. Be tells one about a judge,
that was shaken from North Dakota
to Mexico, and the people clown there,
who were tired of conducting their own
hangings, gave him a Welcome and
filled. him up several times a week.
One night, after playing poker all night
on the losing side of the table, he walk-
ed into the court with his hair pulling.
He made up his mind to ma:nip tke
Mexico boys. There was a poor grea-
ser to sentence for murder, anti he let
him have all he knew right and left for
over an hour, and. wound up by say -
mg:
"But hope is not for you. For you
the zephyrs will not successfully com-
bat the ice king; the prairie will not
endue its carpet of glory, and. the little
brook will never go singing and bound. -
on its way to the sea for theldelecta-
tion of your soul; never again. will the
mountains assume their green crowns,
nor will the trees again bud and bloom
and blossom for you, Jose Marie Jar -
aro, for—"
He looked about him and saw the
crowd in court was staring at himwild-
eyed ; they had never heard him in that
strain before. Most of them thought
he hacl gon.e mad.
"This won't do," he thought to him-
self. "These people will think I am
cray. I'll let 'em down easy." He
fixe. his eyes again on the prisoner:
"These things are not for you, I say;
for,Jose Marie jararo,you will not be in
it. It is the sentence of this court that
on next Friday you be hanged by the
neck until you're clead.—cuss your
Mexican hide !" '
There was a sigh of relief from the
crowd. The judge had saved. himself
by a timely pturn to the vernacular.
And Colonel Plummer's auditors were
so wrapt up in the story that they didn't
hear the suggestion for an extra sess-
ion.
The Best Light tit Sea,
Some interesting experiments have
been made on the visibility of the elec-
tric light at sea by the Government of
the United States, Germany and the
Netherlands. The word "visible" in the
report on the tests :means visible OIL a
dark night with a clear atmosphere.
The result of the experience of the Ger-
man committee was that a white light
of one candle power was visible 1. 4
miles on a dark, clear night, and one
mile on a rainy night. The American
tests result as follows: In very clear
weather a light of one candle power
was plainly visible at one nautical mile:
one of three candle power at two miles;
one of ten candle power was seen by the
aid of a binocular at four miles; one
oft wenty-nine candle power faint-
ly at five miles, and one of thirty-three
candle power plainly at five miles. On
an exceptionally clear night a white
light of 8.2 candle power was readily
distinguished at three miles; one of 5.6
candle power at four miles, arid one of
17.2 candle power at five miles. In the
Dutch experiments the result was al-
most similar, but -a sixteen candle pow-
er light was plainly visible at five
miles. For a green light the power re-
quirecl was two for one mile, fifteen for
two miles, fifty-one for three miles, and
106 for four miles. The results of tests
with a red light were almost identical
with those with green; but it was con-
clusively proved that a white light was
by far the most easily seen.
An Unmistakable Exception.a
"Remember, my son," said the pru-
dentil father, "that politeness doesn't
cost anything,"
"Yet was the reply; "I've heard
that"
"Yoa don't doubt it, do you!"
"Well, ib eertainly cost me about 57
a week to get any politeness out of the
waiters in our hotel,"
Theartreit.
Matron—Do not be vulgar, even
thouglepoor ; there is a deal ot difference
in the way a sentence is pronounced.
Tramp—Indeed there is, madam. I'cl
rather listen to you all day then hear
a few words from the highest dignitary
at court,
WON AN REIRESS•
Harr y Cowper was book-keeper in
a large eommission house, and his em,
players prized him because, though only
an employe, he made their interests his
own.
It was towards the close of the day,
and Harry was busy balancing his ac-
counts. The only other oceuparit of the
counting house was old, Peter Phipps,
the delivery clerk, •
Harry had. just closed. the ledger.
when. J wiper Groome entered the office,
Jasper was Harry's senior by two or
three years and he held alimited in-
terest in a small housa near by.
"Harry, my boy, have you heard. the
news ?" cried the newcomer.
"I have heard nothing wonderful,
Jasper. Is gold up or clown ?"
".A. certain kind of gold is high up.
Have you not heard of the stroke of
fortune which has fallen to Millie Day?"
At the mention of that name Harry
Cowper caught his breath,
"I have not heard," he said..
"Don't you remember an uncle of
Millie's who was sick here in New York,
and whom she nursed so tenderly ?"
"Well, old Snyder, it seems, was one
of the lucky ones in. Chicago. About
two months ago he died, without chick
or child, and his attorney has been on
here to inform Miss Day that she is sole
heiress to his fortune, It is somewhere
in the neighborhood of half a million,
What d'ye think of that, old fellow ?"
Harry Cowper shrank like one who
had received a blow.
"No: I am sorry for this."
"Sony; And wherefore? I thought
you had a particular regard for the
lady."
"Jasper," he said seriously., as one
speaks in confidence to a friend, "I love
Millie, though I have never spoken to
her. I have been waiting until I could
give her a home if she accepted me.
As you know, I have only my salary
to depend upon."
"But, man, is not the prize worth
more than ever before 2"
"She can be no more to me," replied.
Harry. "It was Millie Day that I
loved—Millie Day that I love still. But
that is past. Hati she remained poor I
hoped to offer her a home."
`Bnt, will you relinquish your suit ?"
"I dare not press it. After so long a
time my past silence might be miscon-
strued and my claim be regarded as
mercenary."
"Then count me in on the race for
the heiress. By Jove! ru make the
attack this very night. I shall meet
her at Darwin's Are you going ?"
'No: I don't belong to that set.
.And with this Jasper Groome turned
from the office.
"Shall I put up the books, Mr. Cow-
per ?"
Harry looked up and saw his old de-
livery Clerk.
"Ah, you here, Phipps?"
"Yes. I've been copying permits.
From my work above spoken of, in
regard to the "Auld sangse cpaote
"The modern version of `Annie Laurie'
was written. by Lady Jane Scott, one
of the talented daughters of the late
John Spotswood, Esq., of Spotswood,
Berwickshire." I may here state that
Miss Spotswood was married to Lord
John Scott, of the Bucchleugh
who has been dead these manyeyears.
After the publication of my book I
sent Lady Jane Scott a letter making
inquiry regarding the composition of
the song of `Annie Laurie' I did not
do this for the purpose of hanging my-
self on to the skirts of the nobility, but
on the other hand, knowing that her
ladyship's tastes anclmy own lay in the
same direction., 'I may also state that
she and I were born and brought up in
the same locality, and that she was
well acquainted with members of our
family. In proof of which I may say
that my father, after the passage of the
Reform Bill, voted for her brother-in-
law, Sir. Hugh Purvis Hume Campbell,
when he ran for member of parliament
for Berwickshire. Lady. Scott writes :—
"As to 'Annie Laurie' I composed the
tune, long ago, to other words,but hap -
pealing one day at Marchmont, when
staying with irty sister, the first wife of
Sir Hugh Campbell, to meet the old
words on `An.me Laurie,' I thought the
tune would suit them. I did not think
the second verse was adapted for sing-
ing. I therefore altered it and added
the third."
The song immediately became popu-
lar, and no one added more to its popu-
larity than "Heather Jock," a Glasgow
ballad singer. He received the name of
"Heather Jock" on account of having
all his old clothes ornamented with
bunches of heather. It reached the
height of drollery when singing "Annie
Laurie" upon the streets, when he came
to the words "I'd lay me down and
dee," down he would plump among the
cobble -stones, and when he got up he
would utter fearful sighs and. groans,
and with tears in his eyes would. gather
in the bawbees.
Petroleum Output For 1894,
The forthcoming report of Prof. Day,
chief of the United States Bureau of
Mineral Resources, of the Geological
Survey, gives statistics as to. the U. S.
petroleum output for 1894:
Pennsylvania, declined from 19,288,122
barrels in. 1898 to 18,077,559 barrels in
1894. New York, from 1,081,891 barrels
in 1898 to 942,481 in 1894. West Vir-
ginia about held its own. Ohio increas-
ed from 16,792,769 barrels in 1893.
to 16,792,154 barrels in 1894. In-
diana, increased from 2,835,298 barrels
111 1898 to 8,688,666 barrels in 1894.
Colorado decreased from 59rt,890 barrels
in 1898 to 515,746 barrels in 1894 and
Cali f orina increased from 470,179 barrels
in 3.894 to 705,909 barrels in 1898.
The total increase in the United Stet-
estwas from 48,412,686 barrels in 1898 to
49,844,516 barrels in 1894.
For Future Use,
A readiness to apologize for an of-
fense is not worth much taxless it is ac-
companiecl by a disposition not to re-
peat the injury.
Johnny and Jenny were quarreling
and Jenny hegan to ery.
"Oh well," said Johnny, "don't ery
take back all the mean things
I've said,"
"Yes, you'll Wm ,s617bod
the girl, "se you . can hav
read, to lase over again!" •
Let the Dog. Live That Rites You.
"If you are bitten by a dog, don't kill
the beast, but take every precaution to
let him live for a few days at least."
Prof, Logorio, chief of the Pasteur
Intitate in Chicago, made this oraeular
statement to a reporter for the Tribune,
and he is supposed, to be an autingitY
on "dogs that bite and what to do wita
them,'
"It is a,great mistake people make,"
he said, `to start in at onee to kill a
dog that has bitten them or have it
killed for them, It has been proven
scientifically and is admitted now by
all Physicians who are posted that hy-
drophobia is not a sp8ntaneotte, disease
and cannot be given to a person by a
dog bite unless the dog, be mad when it
causes the wound. The dog's condi-
tion, if it be mad, will be manifested
within two days, or two weeks at the
latest. BY permitting it to live, there-
fore, the physicians ean tell definitely
whether the persoat bitten. is liable to
have hydrophobia, If the dog goes
mad within that time they know the
person bitten may be inomilated with
the same dread disease and may have
the same fate. If the clog does not go
mad then there is no fear of hydrophob-
ia and the wound. can be treated as any
other wound would be. By killingthe
dog you destroy the el:lance of certainty
as to the fate of the person bitten and
leave the imagination full rein to fear
the worst results when it might have
been possible to know in advance that
hydrophobia was impossible.
"Of course," continued the doctor,
"there are exceptions to this rule that
will suggest themselves to persons.
When a dog is so vicious that to leave
it alive is to endanger other people then
the first duty would be to destroy it
unless it could. be kept carefully seclud-
ed where the possibility of harm would
be removed. But even in such cases
where the dog is killed it should be done
by a physician, whe should keen a por-
tion of the brain by which it can be deter-
mined whether the dog ha& rabies or
not."
IT TAUGHT RER A LESSON'
True Courtesy May Exist Under a
Rough and Homely Exterior.
One day a beautiful young girl rust-
led into a cable Car and, sat down with
her companion. Her dress was fresh
from the dressmaker's. Her gloved
hands held a white parasol tied with
knot of yellow ribbons. The car was
crowded., and among the passengers
were some Italian laborers,such as now
largely do the rough work of our great
cities.
Some one of them arose, and, leaning
forward, to catch the strap, fairly bent
over her.
"I am sore he is very impertinent,"
she said. "I have half a mind to call
the conductor."
When the conductor came around
she motioned him.
"Won't you make that man move?"
she said.
"Move u "
Shall I put the books into the safe . The wor s were said in a sharp tone.
A. month bas passed. from the time of "Yees," the Italian answered, "but
the arrival of the attorney who had see ze cal! Ze bootiful lady, see?"
come to place Millie Day in -poSsessioax The lady looked up. She saw the oil
of her fortune, and, as might be suppos- lamp had sprung a leak and would
ed., suitors for her hand had been plenty h.ave dripped: over her had not the man,
and persistent. Harry Cowper was on stretching out his arm over her, formed.
his way homeward when he fell M with an umbrella which had protected. her
Jasper Groorae. Jasper said;
"13y the way, old fellow, it's all up
with the heiress."
Harry started.
"Yes, I guess she's after higher game.
dress a,nel bonnet.
A blush came into her face as she
bowed her thanks to him and she mur-
mured to her friend:
"It makes me ashamed to think that
There's a perfect army of suitors in her 'while I was scorning- him and he knew.
train, but I think she looks with most it he should have taken such pains for
favor upon old Corydon." me. It's a lesson I will not forget, that
"Warren Corydon, the hanker?" at least some of those poor laborers
"Yes, He's worth a million and a have bigger souls than I have. I'll
half. Depend upon it, she has her eye never be scornful to one again, I'm
upon Fifth avenue." sure."
A fs after this Mr Sturgis the
ew ay
senior partner of the firm, entered the
counting room and accosted his book-
keeper.
"Mr. Cowper, my wife bade me give
you this."_And hehanded hirn a dainty
envelope.
Harry opened it, and fatmd within
an invitation to atten.d a reception at
b.er house on the following evening.
The drawing rooms of the Sturgis
mansion veers brilliantly lighted, and
the assembly was select—not selected
upon the basis of fashion, but culled
with appreciative care from the realm
of intellectual worth.
Mr. Sturgis hacltalcen charge of Har-
ry's sister, and. our hero was proceeding
to join a friend. whom he had discover-
ed itt another part of the room, whim Le
met Miss Day.
Coulcl it be possible that Millie was
about to sell herself to Warren Cory-
don? He was old enough to la her
grand -father. Never before had Harry
realized how deeply he had loved the
girl. He thought it best to plead ill-
ness to his hostsas and go to his home.
He was reflecting this when he felt a
light touch upon his arm, and 032 tinn-
ing he saw Millie Day. She was gaz-
ing wistfully up into his face.
"Harry, I want to speak to you.
Will you come with me ?"
Without venturing to answer he fol-
lowed her. She lecl -the way to a small
conservatory.
"Harry, I have a difficult task to per-
form, but 1 hays prayed for strength,
and I think the strength has some to
me. Pardon me if I am brief. I seek
your sounsel. You know that I have
lately inherited. a large fortune ?"
"Yes—I knew," said Harry, in a
gasping voice.
"And already," she pursued, "that
fortune begins to oppress me. Mr.
Corydon holds it in charge for me, and
he will do with it just as I say. It
stands between me and a very dear
friend—a friend whose love I prize
above all the wealth itt the world—
end. I have called you here to ask you
if 1 shall give my 'fortune up."
"I do not understand."
Thrice she tried to speak, and her
words' fa;iled her. At length she caught
him by the hand., and her speech burst
forth: •
9Iarry, do you know that old Peter
Phipps is one of my best and truest
friends? It was my father who saved
him from prison and who lifted him up
from intemperance, and it was airy
father who recommended hint, to his
present position, where he has been so
many years.
"I was bust a little ehilethen, but
the dear old fellow has not" forgetten
me. He came to me and told me of th6
conversation between yourself and
,Tasper Groome when Jasper same and
told you duly fortune. He toldmo ali
you said. Harry—all, all --and
oh, Harry?,
ISarry did not tr3r to speek. He only
eaekIet the blessed being to his bosom
analii..4d. her there a long long time
just r.a'n t I ee the f.ortune la not seater their
' • ha a 1.11 a Rer all•
Cz;;411 HE WAS l'll:TT OUT. M,11
PLQWHANPLE PLOPPING1,,
The duller a borer the worse he bores,
A war horse is nob to be compared to a,
Peace donkey.
sluggard IS 4 fellow who taares tile
bardeSt way to have an easy time.
Some people impart information very
much As a hedge -hog sheds hie
One of the devil's best means of keep-
ing a woman from earliest living is tittle-
tattle.
A boomer is a man who has lots more
enthusiasm than he has apything to keep
It me
The water that makes the foam -wider
the mill dam, is not. the water that turas
the wheel of the mill.
l'he mosquito might have been highly
priv el as a singing tare, if it had only
etuok to that business alone.
A. mouse has a right to judge the cat
but the minute it opens its mputh it in-
vites the cat's judgment on it
A brass band can put more life into an
old nag in a ininuto. than a ten acre oat -
field in a week of Sundays.
m
Theisn't anything that sweetene
sleep like waking up and seeing the
hands of the clock within ten minutes of
tho getting up time.
If you had to believe all that other peo-
ple say in their own favor, you vvould
soon be obliged to do some lying on your
own account or else fall behind in the
procession.
You peedn't take a man's word for it
that he has dropped from the clouds be-
sh
cause there is no dust on Isis oes, May
be his wife blacked them before he was
up in the morning.
LITTLE ONES FORA CENT.
A penny saved is usually a penny earn-
ed for the benefit of some one with a
scheme.
A woman's pocket is not so difficult
for an energetic suitor to find.
The bricks that flourish in hats are
made without straw.
load of trouble IS not lightened by a s
load of ruin. •
The tide which leads on to fortune
would be all right if it didn't turn back.
The B. B. League should create a sinking
fund for the purpose of pensioning dis-
abled players in the future
In these days the milk of human kind-
ness is soured by the thunder -storm of
imposition.
Even the colors of the greenbacks are
not fast.
Of the two evils we usually ohoose the
more alluring one.
In tno battle of life we cannot do our
fighting at the rear.
The jewel of consistency doesn't always
get into an engagement ring.
If wishes were horses should now be
changed to if wishes were bicycles.
Many a man saves up for the rainy day
of another.
If Father Time had wheels in his head
he would travei on a bicycle.
It seems perfectly human for the ball-
player to err.
The reason that some people cannot
atand prosperity is that they insist on
having it sitting.
But tb.e Passenger Bid Not Suffer Much
by the Conductor's Hardness.
He may have been a hayseed,says the
"Topeka State Journal :" he looked it,
but way down deep in his eyes the sec-
ond time you looked you seemed to no-
tice a enspieiou of real "slickness" that
escaped you at first.
Be heiti a tieice,. to Tecumseh when
he got on the train at Topeka, and he
naive it up promptly to the conductor on
emend.
When the conductor came through the
train. after it had left Tecumseh he was
surprisecl to see the same man sitting
complacently in the same seat.
"Ticket," said the conductor.
"Haven't got any," said the man.
"Thett you'll have to pay," said the
conductor.
"Can't do it," said the man.
"Then I'll have to put you off," said
the conductor.
"Whatright out here in the country?"
asked the man.
"Right out here in the country," re-
plied the conductor.
A. good many of the other passengers
were interested at once and the argu-
ment continued. The conductor noticed
—he said afterwards—that the man kept
looking out of the window as he talked
and did notseem to be itt a hurry. Of
course the train was running all the
tiraeh
Te farmer finally went down into his
pocket and got out his purse. He was
not in a hurry about it, and after he had
opened it seemed lost 111, thought,
"Come," said the conductor, "I can't
fool with you all day."
"Must pay or get off, eh?" asked the
farmer.
"I said that, " replied. the man with the
puneh. There was anothermomeOs si-
lence. The farmer took another lpole out
of the window.
"1 gb.ess you can't put me -&ft," iie
said.
The train was stopped. and the con-
ductor went to the rear platform to see
that he got off and stayed ofE
"See that white hens° over 'there'?"
asked. tb.e son of toil.- •
The conductor could: soe it easily.
"That's where 1 -work," said the
farmer. "This is the nearest railroad
comes to it, I'm much obliged to you
for letting me off here. I was afraid
wouldn't -be able to keep you interested
till we got here. Have a cigar ?" and
the farmer jumped lightly . to the
grouncl and was gone. .
The train was -two minutes behind
time before the eonduetor recovered hie•
br`e`aWthal 1111 be — 7" he said in a
humbled tone, and then he wentin and
kicked the newsboy.
Fun at no Cost at AU.
She (about to leave town)—And,
George, you won't lose any money
playing pok.er while I'm gone?
George—Sure nob! I'xn going to
teaeli yonng jingles and. Freshly how
to play.
Don't sit in a draught when warm.
When your toes are numb with cold,
don't warm them by a hot fire. Pull off
your shoes and stockings and rub your
feet with- snow or cold water, or you may
have chilblains.
Don't take off your flannels till your
flannels stick to you.
Don't sit on the ice to strap on your
skates.
Don't lick an iron doorknob with your
tongue to finct out how cold it is
Don't think that brandy will warm up
the stomach. Alcohol lowers the tempera-
ture and the vitality. The virtue of a
toddy is all in the hot water.
In going for a long drive don't forget
to take hot brickssoapstones or water
bottles for the feet.
Don't take off your wraps while per -
*miring.
'Don't insist that every member of the
family shall consult the thermometer be-
fore he is permitted to shiver. He may
be cold though the weather is not.
Don't muffle your throat or you will
soon have to wrap up your head.
Don't take an ice-cold bath just because
your neighbor has the sensibility of a
polar bear.
Don't lie down to sleep at any time
without an extra covering.
SHORT FURROWS.
Some men complain of hard times who
sleep themselves into poverty.
Don't complain of your wife's extrav-
agance, with a cigar in your mouth.
Dehorning is eruel,when Itis done with
a club in the hands of an angry man.
Why don't these fellows who know the
them roads to success ever try them?
The woman who tells others how, does
not always keep her own house the tidiest,
Stand around with your hands in your
pockets, and see how quick you will get
rich.
The connnandment to rest one day in
seven is just as binding on your horse as
It is on you.
I wouldn't give much for that man
who doesn't feel a,thrill of joy every time
he roaches the top of a hill.
To the industrious farmer no birds
slag so sweetly as the robins, who . strike
their first notes about four o'clock In tho
inerning.
It wilt pay you to praotise the art of
love -making upon your horses. The more
they love you the better service they will
give.
RECEIPT FOR A GOOD UNION.
Grit.
Push.
Snap.
Energy.
Morality.
Cordiality.
Talk about it.
Write talent it.
Speak well of it.
Help to improve it.
Subscribe for its papers.
Help all public eateeprises. ,
Make the atmosphere healthy.
Paith exhibited by good works.
Eire all loafers, °makers And dead -beats,
Let your object be the welfare, growth
and peomotton et your 'Woe and its
members, .
Speak well of tho right spirited met,
and also be ono yourself.,