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HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Exeter Advocate, 1895-3-28, Page 34afrafgalalaaa GAMINTHO' THE RYE Ire Mann n. ftleneleaSS. (eselerneuEn.) In the market -place is a queer edifice thet looks like a gigantie house of cards, and upon the steps there f, apparently too' solid or the shabby structure, stands a man beating a gong, that rend e the air with its hideous tom*tera l—that is the *circus. To our right a erowd of whites waistcoated, lalue-coated, shiny -faced .youtlas are shooting for nuts at a, gallery which is presided over by a young person with black eyes end blacker ringlets, a brazen cowl -tensile° ane a nimble tongue, • She seems to have as unlimited a* supply -of chafe as of nut, and ho ds her owa agaiast ali comers. Further on is the p tep.show, beyond that the raerry-go- roand, upon whose wsoden horses the boy's and girls are dinging with sach giddy, delighted grasp, and round the cor- ner the fat Woman bursts upon our view, or rather her picture does, which ha; the same effect. She wears a lows necked gown and short skirts, displaying a calf whien the eireunaferenee is about equal to our united waists, Her neck— We tern away shuddering, • "Nuw, what are we going to see first?" a,sks Jack. What iadeed ! it is an embarras de •richesses. "The circus," says Alice, "The fat woman,' says Milly, who had bee u much struck. ;"The peep -show," says Jack. "Anywhere out of the sun," nye I ; so Jack being the only male present, gets his owii way, and we are speedily lifting the dirty red certain, and standingon dorms arranged in a circle, beholdingim- proving illustretions of battle, milker, *and sudden death. The first seene represents a field, strewed with dead b dies, whose heads, arms, and legs, are scattered around them in graceful confusion; a few horses seem to have gotten into the melee by mistake, and lie on their baeks with all four legs turned up piteously to the gory sky, as who should say, "We kicked to the 'east r The beauties of this affecting picture are pointed out to us by the showman, who describes it as beg the scene of a "most 'orrible massacre," as depicted by a "hi -'witness." We are not turned to an artistie study of murder in low life, the murderer being ixi hot purstat of a young fema,le in a nightgown, whose hair sets out straight as porcupine's quills from her head, and within an inch of the itching fingers of leer pursuer, while behind. him are laid out, in an •ascending scale, the dead bodies of an did man, an old woman, and a ehild, the same being the victims he has just finished off. In the midst of the showman's deserip- tion. of this tableau. vivant .his voice sud- denly ceases; turning to ascertain the cause of his silenee we find that he has temporarily retired behind a pot of beer, "Not before it was required.," as he re marks when he returns to his duties. It "strikes me that, before the day is over, his explanations will be somewhat hazy -and obscure. And -we see several more horrors which A.mberly regards with ex- treme dis;avor, as being possibly subver- • sive of our morals. When this stock of delicacies is ex- hausted, we adjourn to the pastry cook's and -eat saniwiches, btuis and tarts with *extreme relish, due heedfulness and the nicest discrimination, for we are limited. as to money, and must get its worth if We 08,11. "I could eat 'em all!" murmured Jack, on our first arrival, gazing fondly at a pyramid of jam tarts before him, but ex- perience soon teaches him that his ey e is decidedly larger than his stomach, and after a decent tuck in he is satisfied. Having drunk our lemonade, we betake ourselves aerose the square to where the -circus man is 'sturdily beating his gong Lor the 1 o'clock performanne, and mount the rickety steps, and go through the en- trance to the red baize -covered seats that circle roun.d the arena strewed with saw- -dust. Although we know it all by heart, and just what is coming, what a thrill of excitement runs through us as we glance around us at the eager faces of the poor klieg and their children. seated in the lowest place; at the dissipated pieees of orange peal that are strewed hither and thither; s-uggestive remnants of the visits of those who could enjoy themselves with- eut striving to be "genteel"; at the men with their brazen instruments, that will presently burst forth in a volume of sound • more startling than dulcet; at our neigh- bors and their olive branches, who, like us, possess the upper seats in. the syna- gogue, but do not look at us, oh! dear no! The governor's sins are visited very fully upon our heads, and, though he never goes abroad to encounter either good luck �t bad, his sins will be visited on. his luckless children to the third. and fourth generation. knoseing twinkle in his eye, a modest elation in his glance* that owes its origin, I am certain, to some bit of news that he has possessed himself of, and which he is secretly enjoying in its full relish, before imparting it to us. The fun of the fair is just beginning as we turn our faces homeward toward SR- verbridge. By and by it will beeome frolic, 'later ou grow into a carouse, last •of all degenerate into a hurly-burly, where women will be seeking their hus hands, and the same will be shaking hands with the town pumps, and attempt- ing to walk home in a (ire e. Most of the sober folks are leaving like no, and in the cool lanes, athwart which the sun is laying (lark shadows, Lubin is kissing Phillis' ruddy and, sticky cheek, blessed- ly unconscious of our near vicinity. With nvhat honest delight do they gaze on each other's ugly ret faces, and how enjoying- ly does the smack smack! of their sal- utes come to our ears? The lady is not coy, and kisses him full as often as he does her, and almost as loudly. They are beautiful in each other's eyes, and long may their love hot! "I wonder," I say to myself, looking at Alice's flower-like face, 'if anyone will ever love her like that? or—or—me ?" Presently we overtake the fry, when we have once or twice come across in the fair and avoided successfully; very gum- my and warm and dirty and happy they look. If the governor could only see them Fortune smiles on us to -day; we do not meet him in the court, or in the hall, or on the stairs, so we are able to retire in peace to change our dusty clothes. "Thank goodness, there won't be a walk to night I" says Alice, sitting down restfully in her white petticoat on the broad window -sill. Thank goodness, in- deed! Walks are the plagues of our lives and the terror of our existence. I do not mean those nondescript leiserely rambles that jeck and are partial to taking, or the saunters that Alice and Milley affect; I mean a three or four -mile race over hill and dale at the governor's heels, which leaves us with aching, blown bodies, sore hearts, and angry souls. We resort to various cowardly and sneaking devices to get out of these excursions, but altogether in vain; severe stomach-ache even and a prompt retirement to bed, avail us n thing. Papa is up to that trick, and we are promptly unearthed, dressed, and sent forth with the rest. We have even, on occasions, tried the desperat * expedi- ent of salts and senna, but even that cruel remedy failed us, for papas believing our illness to be only another form of hum- bug, insisted. on our accompanying him; therefore, from that day to this, we have left Messrs. S. and S. alone. The Adair family out a walking is a sight to be seen. The governor leads the way2 steaming on in front all alone, like a ship in full sail, while behind him his family stretch out like a pack of beagles, puffing, blowing, groaning, gasping, the elders well up to the fore, the youngsters, by reason of the shortness of their miser- able little legs, straggling behind: while I ast of all colners Amberley, doing her duty like the Christian woman that she is, and praying that her second wind may come quickly. From time to time papa turns and surveys our scarlet and dtstressed countenances with a grim smile. After all, I believe he has some sense of humor, and only manages to sup- port his own discomforts by witnessing the infinitely greater ones of his children. Past cool, sweet laelds, where the cows are taking their meals at their leisure— happy cows, who have no father to harry them !—past easy sty/es and broad at stones to which our bodies seriously in- cline; up hill and down dale, across fields and. down lenes, with never a pause for breath, or flower, or fern., and so home again "in linked sweetness long drawn out." Next to those scampers we hate drives. Papa has several conveyances in which he jeopardizes the lives of his family, and makes our "too fretful hair" rise from our heads. First in danger is a very high gig,in which he drives a very powerful rakish chestnut with a rolling eye, who invariably runs away twice or thrice whenever he goes out. In this, knowing her fears, he loves to take out mother, who has some respect for her own neck, seeing that it is the only one she is ever likely to possess, and by hook or by crook she usually manages to get out of going. Now and then, however, she is fairly caught and drives from the door with a backward look at her assembled flock, that has in it the solemnity of a dying farewell. Next in danger to the gig is a mail -phaeton drawn by a pair of fiery cobs, thoroughbreds, and matched to a hair, in which two of us girls are always mide to sit, occupying ingloriously enough the seat intended for a man- servant. Many and many a time have we clung to each other with our breath gone, wale the horses thundered on in their mad career, and the snapping of a rein or the smallest obstacle in the way would have probably sent us . all to kign- dom come. Providence, however, who apparently keeps special angels to watch over reckless people, has always brought us safely home, and will, I hope, continue to do so; for it is an ugly thought to be i dashed nto little bits on a heap of stones with a horse's grinding hoofs hammering your face. Maher has a basket carriage with two fat gray ponies, which are so far beneath papa's notice that they enjoy a meed of peace no other animals in the stable possess, and behind thein we young- sters have many a pleasant amble and comfortable confab. "Are you girls coming down to tea this evening. or to -morrow morning?" asks Jack, putting his head in at the door. "The governor is just coming up the car- riage drive !" across the lawn and chursh yard., AO M Mir ileual aiding place in the organ loft. Skipworth was already waiting be- fore the altar, book in hand and looking decidedly erose, when the f ride andbride- groom earn° in, followed by a few people. We couldn't see their tones, but there seemed something very wrong about the bridegrcom s back, for he was lurching, tripping and rolling from side to side, and, strange to say, the bride, a stout and buxom young woman, was i‘upport- ing him! They reached the altar, and Mr. Skipworth began to read the service, but, when it became necessary for the young man to make his vows, nothing was heard but a series of hiccoughs; and, although the bride pinehed and shook and whispered him energetically, no re- sponses were forthcoming, and in. another minute he had fallen an inert mass upon the chaneel. floor. "Oh, my !" exclaimed jack, in high glee, "he's drunk." Mr. Skipworth shut the book in disgust and walked away; but the intrepidbride, with no trace of anger, raised her, man, and with her friends' assistance conveyed him to the door. We followed the couple to the village as far as we dared, and during the day contrived to get posted up as to the lat- est particulars. At noon he was fast asleep, with his head on the bride's lap ; at three he was recovering, and calling loudly for beer; at five he was locked up by her friends for safety; at nine he was sitting with his head in a basin of cold water, forced thereto by the same hopes of enabling him to go to church on the morrow. And their indefatigable efforts have been rewarded, for this morning he came up to time, and was able to make his vows, if somewhat unsteadily, at least audibly. The bride's beaming face was a study as she bore her swinish and sulky mate awey. Truly matrimony mnst have had charms for her. It is a never-ending puzzle to Jack and me how people can like being married. Dorley has a wife, a very fine woman, who beats him, and of whom be is in- tensely proud. Once she rather overdid. it; and, as a worm will turn, so did Dor - ley ; and, having represented to her that her little attentions were incompatible with the respectability of appearance Colonel Adair required from his gardener, it was agreed that they should separate, she possessing one -hale of his wages and. household goods, he the other. They had not been apart a week when Dorley came up and gave papa warning. "He could not live without his missus," he said, "and he was going to her." And go he did; but matters were uttiraately ar- ranged, and Dorley came back to as with his spouse, who beats him more than ever, to his great satisfaction and con- tent. Dorley, however, if meek at home is not meek to us. Ke is a tyrant, and looks upon the fruits and flowers of the garden as his, while we are little thieves and. pickpockets, who menace the same. And oh! he has to be sharp, has Dorley, or there would be never a gooseberry, peach or apricot to send in for dinner. I wonder where he is this afternoon? I wonder vshere everybody is? Though I have been prowling round the garden for half an hour I have not peen a soul. It is very mean of Jack to go off and leave me in this way—on a Wednesday afternoon, too. I did not think he would bear me so much malice about the pig; boys aren't forgiving like girls. I won- der what he is doing Fishing ? Bath- ing? Taking a scramble aeross country with Pepper? It is too hot for that, for Jack loves his ease as well as anybody else. I wonder if any apples have fallen from the quorantine tree? I turn my steps toward. it and look about; there is not one on the grass. I cast my eyes up- ward, and mark with approving eyes the rosy fruit hanging so stirlessly on the boughs. If only a breeze would spring up and give those boughs a gentle shake, clown would fall the apples at my feet; but the sky is one hard, fierce glare, and there is not the ghostliest shadow of a breeze abroad on the land. Looking begets longing, longing, in a depraved and energetic mind, begets act- ing ; and, seeing teat the gentle gale my soul craves refuses to blow, I conceive the daring thought of myself acting the part of gentle zephyr. I look around; no one is to be seen. Dorley is invisible; the governor I saw fast asleep in the library a while ago; the coast is clear. In the twinkling of an eye I have swung myself up into the tree, and am shaking with a will. The fruit is fallieg in a bounteous red shower. when a voice directly below me makes me start so violently that I drop the bough and lose my footing. But, alas! instead of respectably smiting mo- ther earth with my nose,' 1 remain sus- pended, petticoats above, legs below. Even. in this awful moment, the verse over the barber's shop comes into ray mind And now the entertainment has begun; ' 'the pretty little girl in pink is taking her flying leaps through the hoops, and our hear. s beat high with pride and delight as she clears them successfully, but a shiver rens through us as once she juraps short middens. What a piteous quiver there is on the poor little painted face as 'the frowning, 'black-browed man, who cracks the whip, scolds her in a low, fierce voice; how we hate him and would like to make him suffer as he is making her! The clowns come in and make their jokes; old as the hills, no doubt, but to us exquisitely fresh, and we greet them with the hearty zest and admiration that no laughter, save that of childhood, ever knows. Presently somethingdreadful happens, ; the. hero of the piece (it is a grand piece, with robbers and horses and ladies and a splendid fight) who has been killed is being carried out, laid very straight and stiff on the shoulders of four men, with his eyes tightly shut, and the band is playing the 'Dead March in Saul" very slowly and impressively, with a pause of several seconds between each note, -when the music abruptly ceases, and with a discordant crash the mimic- ianseinstruments and all, vanish from our sight, and nothing is to be seett of thorn save a great dust that rises from heaven to be our deliverer. He has come to see papa, we ascertain later, and is even now closeted with him. Iwonder how he will manage to so fer smooth his raffled plumes as to carry on any con- versation that is not strictly vitupera- tive ? We are all sitting together save Jack, when we hear his steps coining down the passage, awl he eaters and closes the deer with a eheerful bang that does not make us all bound on our seats as the bangs of a certain other person do, There is a peculiar look on Jack's 1ace, a kind of ! with whet joy clo I once more plant My wreggling feet on Arra ground; never, never will I play the part ot gentle zephyr again. In the depths of my pocket, tenderly boarded, fondly eberished, lurks a six- penee, which 1 disinter and hand to Dor- ley, with my lips pursed up very tight. "There, take it," I say; "it's for you." no, Miss Wien," said Dorley, holding it out in his earth -stained hand. 'q won't take it from lee ! Happen yon want it worse than 1 do I" "Dorley," I say, drawing myself up with dignity, "I am amaze at you! Six- pennes are no objeets with me, nor—nor —shillings, nor—halt (gowns." flaying uttered this last astounding lie without winking, I walk away with a stately strut that I hope impresses him, and Witieh is, I suppose, born of tile oe- melon, for I never owned it before. • What a ,burning, breathless, sleepy afternoon it is The earth seems lapped in a nerveless luxuriou$, indolent slura- bor. The very! flowers seem to have gone to sleep, and the birds to be taking a siesta. Passing the schoolroom window, I see Alan, the solemn-fee:Al who is ap- parently not so overcome with the heat as the rest of the world, indulging in the rather active recreation of spinning Dol- ly round a.nd round on the top of the large schoolroom table. It is evidently a new treat to them, and I have not time to give the warning that painful experi- ence has taught jack and me, when whirr! whiff! the top of the table flies to the other end of the room, shooting Dolly into the fire -place, and Alan dances up and down as though the perils his toes have jest escaped make him anxious to assure himself of their integrity. er0 BE CONTINUED. For girls. On going to a luncheon you should manage your time so that you may arrive not earlier than five minutes before the hour set. It would be perfectly proper at a home wedding for the bride to do away with any attendants and enter the room on the arm of the bridegroom. If you accepted a present of any kind, flowers, books or sweets, or anything else from a manfriend, it would be proper to write him a note of thanks. If a girl of sixteen goes to an evening aflnir her mother should arrange either to have a servant or a member of the fam- ily go after her to bring her home. If a man friend has ce.Ped several times a formal invitation each time is not nec- essary, but a simple expression of your desire to see him again is courteous. A married woman signs a letter "Mary II. Robinson." If the person. she is writ- ing to is a stranger she puts below till slightly to one side, in parenthesis, "Mrs. ames II. Robinson." OffAPTBR V. Jack and I went to see a wedding this morning that began yesterday, and was only finished to -day. It was not a man- nerly -modest one though; far from it. We make a rule of attending all the wed- dings and funerals we can, hut school - hours are a sad hinderance to me, and Jack often has to go by himself. We al- ways watch the mourners with great at-. tendon, and have, after careful study of their countenances, made up our minds that it is almost always those that care leafft who are most demonstrative, and that dry-eyed grief is far more deeply and deadly than a tem- pest of sobs and cries and wails. Not that the poor people, as a rule: regret their dead very passionately; their hard, dull, working lives are so heavy to bear that a trifle more or less misery matters but little. You wifl even see a, mother with many children taking some comfort froin the thought that the Lord, has " provided " for the little ones taken away from them, But I am forgetting all about yester- day's wedding. It was at 0. convenient hour, 9 o'clocle.. So, having Watehed papa safely into the stables, we Were soon WHAT UNCLE.. SAX: IS AT, DOINGA ACROSS TUB LINE, The Ijoittal, States Furnishes a Number of Items that will be Fou od later- etting Reading. To become proficient in the art of con- versation it would be advisable to keed one's self informed. on the topics of the day and to cultivate an opinion itt regard to whatever is going on in the world. It would seem very out of place when a young mari starts to leave for his hostess to make any effort to detain him. She should simply express her pleasure at having seen him, and permit him to de- part. There were 226 business failures ie. the United States last week. Ex -President Harrison has so far res covered as to be able to sit up. Boston offers a big reward for the de- tection of the person who set fin to three Oatlaolie churches in that city. Thomas Smith, who is said to have murdered twenty men and acknowledged eight, has been sentenced to be hanged at Louisville, The New York State Fish Commission is engaged in transporting 10,000,000 fry from the Clayton fish hatchery to points on Lake Ontario. The New York Assembly Friday passed the concurrent resolution submitted to a, vote of the people on the question of woman's suffrage. It is said that there is in Wa,shington the following notice posted : "Credit given to gentlemen, but eash expected from members of Congress." • The bodies of a mother and daughter were found concealed in a brush heap near Mount Pleasant, Pa., Friday, They had been robbed and murdered. A. fire, attendee by loss of life, °mir- e d in Toledo, 0., Monday morning at he round -house of the Wabash Railway. Three men lost their lives, two being in- stantly killed. Nine others were more or less injured, one of them it is thought fatally. &bsalom! 0 Absalom L my poor, ill-fated son, If thou hada only worn a wig, thou hadat not been undone," Only in this case had I been clad in Jack's clothes'not my own, I should not be un- done. My face has disappeared into the crown of my sun -bonnet in my abrupt de- scent, so I cannot see my discoverer. Can it be --can it be the governor? No, for if it had I should have received palpable evidence of his wrath before this. "I wish your pa could see you," says Dorley's deliberate voice, sounding more sweetly in my ears than ever did song or nightingale; "om he would. whack you." "I know he would," I murmured indis- tinctly from the depth of my bonnet "Do, there's a good, kind Dorley, take me down;" But Dorley has suffered many things at my hands, and, now his day has come, he means to enjoy it a little while. "You have been a bad young lady to me, Miss Ullen," he says slowly (and at the sound of his leisurely voice I aim a sudden kick at him with my dangling legs, for oh! at any moment he may ap- pear on the scene, and then—). "You and your beasts has trampled my flower - beds and messed my lawn be- yond believing, and youeve stole my peach's, broken my glass and misbehaved yourself ginerally ; and if it wasn't for yer pa, and his being so vilent, I'd leave you there for an hour, Miss Ullen, I would. P'eapes, with the Lord's mercy, it might be a warning to yer. But I don't want to have nothmg to do withenurder, so I'll take yea' down this time; only,if ever I find yer a dis- gracingyerself in this misbecoming men- ner again I'll leave yer there, Miss Ullen, as sure as ray natne'e Dorley. And kick - in' won't do no good, when you're in the wrong, miss; reastways, it won't we rtra." He departs slowly in seatela of the Steps, while I dangle at niy ease itt creeps ing, curdling terror, lest even new the governor may be turning the corner, Dorley comes back at last, and dis- entangles me with some difficulty, axle; At a wedding reception no effort is made to entertain the guests beyond see- ing that strangers are introduced and that conversation is general. It is not considered desirable for a bride to wear a low bodice. In introducing a gentleman to a lady the easiest way to say is, "Miss Gordon, allow me to present Mr. Vernon." Cards are always left when visits are made. If a widow remarries she drops her first husband's name altogether. The way to keep a gentleman from tak- ing your arm when walking is to simply tell him that you do not like it. the 'Owls, when I quit smoking last nigh ?" "Didn't I. hear you say ta4at it woulut take you a long time to color that pipe, dear ?" asked Mrs, Ounlee, "It is quite likely you did. Tile, oper- ation can not be perforrael all at once. But where is the pipe?" "You knew hew anxious 1 een to save you all the work I can, dear ?" "Yes, just like ibo precious little wo man you are, but what has that to do with the pipe ?" "Just this, love, I got to worrying over the long time it would, take you to get it oolored and I wondered if I eouldn't help you a bit." " What 1 You don't meanto sayyou have been smoking the pipe yourself ?" "Oh, no! But apoor tramp came to the house this morning. He was smoking the forlornest little bit of a pipe, anda...e "Go on !" commanded Mr. 0UT1840) in a constrained voice, trying to keep calm, "You made him a present of my new meerschaum, I suppose ?" "Oh, no! Your little wife isn't quite that foolish." "Then what has the tramp to do with the pipe ?" "Don't be impatient, dear, and I'll tell you. I remember what you said about the long time it would take you to color it, and so I asked the man if he would, smoke it all day for a dollar, He said no, that a dollar and a ge.arter was the low- est he could do it for. So I told him Pd pay him that. He's out in the back yard now, hard at work, and he really seems to enjoy it. Yet some people say that tramps can't be induced to work. But where are you going, love? Not down town so early, are you? Now, I wonder what's made the man, so cross ?" she ad- ded, as her lausband slammed the door. The General Term of the Supreme Court of New York has reversed the judgment convicting Erastus Wiman of forgery in the second degree, on whieh he was sen- tenced to five years and six months in State prison. judge Vanbrunt wrote the opinion reversing Judgment, whieh Judge O'Brien concurred itt, Judge Follett dis- senting from it. Mr. Wiumn will have it new trial. The bill permitting racing that is now before a committee of the New York State Assembly is expected to be reported to the House next Thursday, and its sup- porters are confident that the bill will pass that body. Its fate in the Senate is a matter of doubt, though friends of the bill express their belief that it will be- come law. The -worshippers at St, Joseph's Roman Catholic church, Hoboken., N.J., were horrified during the Leaten services last Monday night when a middle-aged wo- man, wearing widow's weeds, staggered. do wn the aisle swinging a "growler" in one hand and a dollarbill in the other. She had. almost reached the altar when Detective Fenton, who was among the worshippers, seized her. "Gi' me a Pint," the woman muttered, as she extended can and. money to the detective. The woman was locked up. Her husband died two weeks ago, and. since his funeral she has been constantly drunk until the alcohol has affected her mind.. All Ton Have to Do is to Smoke. It is a wonderful labor-saving device for smoking that an employe of a Broad- way hotel laas had. patented. It leaves nothing to be desired. It is a machine that outs a cigar nicely, lights it, draws a few puffs on it and de- posits it on a tray all ready for instant use. Some peeple think there is a little too much of the machine," the inventor said recently, "but I believe in having things complete and up to date in every way, manner and form. "You drop your cigar itt a slot. It falls on a little platform. A spring knife cuts off the tip. Then it drops down and one end fits into a tiny hole, which commu- nicates with &cylinder of compressed air. At the same time the other end comes into contact with a small gas jet. "The air draws on. the cigar, puffs it two or three times, until it gets a good start. Then your lighted cigar rolls down this inclined plane and drops on the tray all ready for business. Will I have a slot arrangement so a man by dropping a coin can get a, five or ten -cent cigar already lighted? Really, I hadn't thought of it. .Do you think it would be a good seherae ?" FOREIGN. Sir Henry Ponsonby, private secretary to the Queen, is dying at Osborne. There was an. explosion of fire -clamp in a Silesian coal mine on Saturday by which fifty lives have been lost. The bootmakers' strike in England is extending, and to -day there are two hundred thousand. idle operators. The steamer Mayfair, at Barcelona, re- ports that she sighted the missing Span- ish warship Reina Regent° on the 10th. A. man was blown to atoms while carry- ing a cylinder of compressed oxygen for use at a magic lantern entertainment in. London Friday. Slatin. Bey has arrived at .Assouan, having escaped from the Mahdi's camp at Omdurman, Khartoum, after eleven years of captivity. Lord Rosebery has recovered from his attack of infiu.en.za, but he is still suffer- ing from insomnia, whicb may force him to resign the Premiership. Prof. John Stewart Blackie, who died on. the 2nd inst., left twenty thousand dollars to his wife, and his Greek library to the Edinburgh University. The Spanish cruiser Alphonso XII. has returned to Cadiz, and reports having found the missing cruiser Reins Regenta sunk near Bajo Aceitanost not fax front the Straits of Gibraltar, with only twenty inches of her masts above water. She carried a crew of four hundred and twenty officers and men, and all hands are be- lieved to have perished. Got a Glass Eye. He enters the dairy lunch -room with the air of a little Napoleon. As he pro- menades down the center he glances con- deseeneingly at the common clerks, sports, and young men about town, who are gobbling their modest lunches of coffee and sandwiches at the side tables as much as to say : "Poor devils, probably they don't know anything better." He walks up to the counter and. looks over the layout of cold, dyspeptic pies, sub- stantial sandwiches, greasy crullers and the usual assortment of pastry, differing as to the name, but allalike—sweet, sticky and indigestible. It is easy to be seen from his face that he is disappointed at finding no terrapin stew and cold canvas- back, with cranberry sauce on the side, but after he has sufficiently impressed his disgust upon the whites apron.ed waiter behind the counter, he says itt cold dis- dainful tones: "Give rae a hot egg sandwich. Fry the egg brown on both sides, and don't let it run all over the pan. Fut in a French roll, with plenty of butter on. This is his regular repast, and he never varied it until the other day. There was a new waiter ott deck, and his white jacket contrasted strongly with a red face of the toughest Bowery type. He listened with evident contempt to the finical cus- tomer's order, then growled: "Watcher take dis hash foundry for— Delmonico's ? Hey, Chimmy !"e -calling back to the cook— theme a glass eye in a case done brown! See ?" And the partimilar easterner wilted. Assaults on the Bible. It was an unnecessary eeffort that the clergymen of Hoboken made some time since to prevent Bob Ingersoll from de- livering his lecture on the Bible. Even if the irreverent colonel possessed the in- fin.ence he once did, and that is very doubtful, Christian people need not fear that the Bible will suffer at his hands. The Word of God has for centuries battled against and beaten down the enemies that have assailed the truth. It is not of such enemies that the Scriptures stand itt danger of at the present time. There is little to fear from those who openly defy its teachings and authority. If there is any need of apprehension,it is from those who as friends of Christianity and professed believers in the holy Scriptures are yet exertingevery means possible to destroy their integrity. The higher critics denied the office of the Seriptures as the sole rule of faith, and placed their own opinions above its authority, virtual- ly relegating it to the position of an as- sistant of their conscience. Against the insidious teaehings of this class rather than the tirades of infidels the voice of the church may well be raised. It is a wonderful thing that oysters, after they have been brought away from the sea, know by instinct the hour when the tide is rising and approaching their beds, and so of their own. accord open their shells to receive their food from the Sea, as if they were still at home. It would seem that there is to be a con- tinuation of London club sensations. About a eouple of weeks ago we had the refusal of the Marlborough Club, the favorite club of the Prince of Wales, to eleet teemembership Mr. Belt, the South African millionaire and a partner of Mr. Cecil Rhodes, the Premier of Cape Colony, in the De Beers diamond mines. Follow- ing that clubdom was startled by the blackballing of the Hon. Cecil Rhodes at the Traveller's Club, which was followed by the resignation of the Prince of Wales, the Duke of Fife and Earl Gray, three of the most prominent members of that in- stitution, who were disgusted eath the rejection of Mr. Rhodes. Last week Lon. - don had another club sensation. The famous Carlton Olub refused to elect Mr. Barney Barnet°, the Johannesburg dia- mond king, and, on the other hand, the Carlton Olub elected Mr. Robinson, of Robinson's mine, a rived millionaire. A. Peculiarity of Men. He was leaving the crowd where the theater tickets for a big engagement were being sold. There was a happy look on his face, which suddenly vanished. He put his hand to his temples, and then he said: "I guess I'll hunt up some quiet place and kick myself, That's whet I'll do." "What's the matter ?" askek the friend who lad overtaken him. "I have been letting the ealcium light of mathematics into the opalescent mist of my enthusiasm," he replied. "What do you mean ?" "I've just figured it out that I've stood out itt the snow in line for fiye hours to pay extra money for a theater seat, rather than. stand up for three hours Ete the performance, where it's warm and comfortable." • Wonders of the Mieroph.one. One of the most curious instruments which the development of electrical science has brought into being is the microphone. It embraces within itself almost the whole principle of the modern telephone, and with it may be performed a series of experiments which, aside from being interesting, are wonderfully sigeo.- ficant of what we may expect from its development in the near future. By its aid the footsteps of a fly walking on a stand on which it is placed are clearly heard, and give the sensation of a horse's tread; and even a fly's scream, especially at the moment of death, is easily audible. The rustling of a feather or a piece of dress goods on the board of the instru- ment, completely inaudible under ordin- ary circumstances, are distinctly heard in the microphone. The ticking of a watch is rendered very loud at quite a distance from the receiver. A musical box placed in connection with the in- strument transmits so much sound as to render it impossible to distinguish in- dividual notes. A current of air blown sharply on the instrument sounds like a distant trickle of water. And the rum- bling of a carriage outside the house is transformed into a very intense creek - ling n.oise, not unlike the sound of the burning of pine logs. The instrunient in appearance assumes various shapes inasmuch as the very simplicity of its principle admits of its being made of various substances and almost any form. All that is necessary for its simple working is to have what is knownetechnieally, as a "loose contact" —that is, an electric circuit whoee con- tinuity at some point is capehle of being varied. Three nails make one of the best of raicrophones. Two of the nails are laid on a board parallel to each other, and say one-half inch. apart. The other nail is laid across and makes a l000e contact between the two, which are respectively connected to a battery cell and to a tele- phone receiver, If a fly, for instance'be confined in. a small box., placed on the board on which the nails are laid, the slightest vibration caused by the move- ments of its feet willerender the unstable contact of the nails still more unsteady, and by thus altering the force or amoimt of the electricity 'wheah passes will repro- duce in the telephone receiver an exaet but neegnified fac-simile of what is taking place in the box. 1118 NEW IVIEEltSORA.IIM. Ills Fond Ifittle Wife Was ebttint, 11 Nicely Colored loor „Win: The tgg that is not larger than a pin's asked. Mt. Clarets°, aqer dinner. "1 humming bird of Mexico lays an "Where's my tieW meerschaum Piper thoight I left it oil the mantel, back of .A. Skirmish to Please a Woman. Before beginning to prepare for the Corsiean expedition., the army made it final demonstration to secure its lines. It was during its preparatory days of this short campaign that a dreadful incident occurred, Bonaparte had long sines known, the power of women, am] hadbeen ardently attentive in turn to both °her - lotto Robespierre and to Mme. Rieords "It was a great advantage to please them," he said, "for in a lawless time as representative of the people is e real power." Mme. Tttrreau, wife of one of the new eommissionets, was now theb"ass cendant star in his attentions. One day; while walking arm -in -arm with her near the top of Tenda, pass, Bonaparte took a sudden freak to show heir what war was like, and ordered the edvance guard to etterge the Austtian piekets. The attack was not only useless, but it endangered. the selety of the iutney t Yet it was made according to command, and human blood was shed. The story was told by Na- poleon himself et the abets of his life in a tone of repentance, bdt with evelene relish.