HomeMy WebLinkAboutThe Exeter Advocate, 1891-8-6, Page 7Leaning
Irtn a vice back to the country; I'm siele °sties;
dorm:a old town ;
Iles reggeler ilyii Detchrnam wiiirlixt"
roue mut ermine
en as net ee loelsee isx a prison ase worldn'
OwaY in a eon ;
lf don't eay fame is beeven, but a city is mosle
hell.
Cheittlie are lyire braggin' an' buyee cue
seine' votes,
Ate every trade ea' perfessioa oaths' each
(ahem' tliroats ;
T.Tpside down me teside out, aze nothhe with
elcal
buileinet butere nine the airy an' vvhire
Winds 0' duet en' ueise.
Daat4 the food an' water, ansuary a soul to
care ;
Dust's on the etreets ate crossin's, and death in
the °tweet air
'Why, blamed if tireimen or women draw hardly
it quiet breaths
ninr broodin'over the city is the bleck-faced
angel odeatle '
1 want to ent out in the country an' act in the
ole side leave
Long ot Sisudess inornine when folks goal'
to oinnah ;
An' hear the waggins a creakhealoug the dusty
made,
rilIed to the backs with elealreres-the se/ermine
Sunday loads ;
settin' there its the sunshine an' sznoldn' away
like a 'Curls,
Jilm' up in tho furdest corner a ivatoleue the
wespe at lt' work, t
AscisuignAirt t'oormohassitsis, he ore ht trd se here apples
Biel's' up the biggest arnevonderize how they'd
taste;
thinkln' about tho winter me the girls an' the
cider press
An' Marry mite an' apples, and the rest of it—
well, I guesel
'You kin tails of your life iu a palace, in the city
or out to see..
But if you would like to get livire, come out on
the farm with me.
make you wailer in clover tell you've
clean forgot the choke
Of tho duet of your Yarned city an' Its hangin'
clouds o' smoke ;
A.Tern take you out to tele pasture a' show you
a chunk of sky
'That veer needn't be feared of lookne at for a
milder in your eyes
Azerli let you go barefooted a' dress like a
common tramp.
An' eat your grub with your lingers, 'Menke it
would be in camp,
.1en'on1y wear ono ole "gallus"--they call 'eta
"suspenders" here --
An' you can els' cavort arouse like a wild-eyed
Texas steer.
There's somothin' the folks 'II make you or
easire a pain in the back,
onto's:sink an' honey an' utmeg, with a whis-
per of "apple jack";
"Salvation wattsr they call it—it's violets
dieeed in dew— .
earespeakheo' "apple-jaels," you ]mo, there's
an extra jug for you.
So come with me to the homestead an' rest your
heart and eyes,
An' get year 811 o' chicken an' doughnuts an
apple pies,
rzu dyue to see a river as clear as a pane o'
glass -
711m like old Ncbbykudnezzar, so turn me out to
grass.
--Judge.
GOLD ON TILE ItOOP.
Pretty- Coed Prices Lor Old Tin in the
Vicinity of a Mint.
Three thousatui dollars for an old tin
zoo/ would be a pretty steep price, says the
Philadelphia Record, but the man who gets
the battered roof from the old Tabernacle
Church, at Broad street and South Penn
square, which is now being torn away, for
that sum will be in great luck. Some years
no the paint was scraped off the old roof
and yielded $5,000 in fine gold. It is
almost certain to yield as much this time.
The gold cosecs from the mint. When gold
is being coined a considerable quantity of it
volatilizes -with the smoke through the chim-
ney, and as soon as it falls on the air it
falls. Much of it strikes the roof of the
mint ; so much of it that the officiais Save
ieven the water that falls upon it during a
shower. All the drains from the roof are
connected with large vats in the cellar of
the mint. Before the water finally gets to
the sewer it is strained through many
blankets and sieves which retain the gold.
Rotwithstanding all these precautions, the
gold that is annually washed into the Dela-
ware from the mint is worth thousands of
dollars. Every particle of dirt swept up
about the mint is carefully stored away with
the washings from the roof, and once every
year 15 15 sold to the highest bidder, as it
r.annot be used at the mint.
Innday Reflections.
We're never too old to unlearn.
The man who has to hoe his own row is
foolish to befoul the soil with wild oats.
.9n average awkward squad makes a good
display of a wbeel within a -wheel
It's always more agreeable to tell the
truth about one's neighbors than one's self.
Sorne people eaten to imagine that preor-
dination offers an excellent excuse for a life
failure.
•Balsam's ass showed wisdom in speaking,
but supplied a bad preeedent to his suc-
cessors.
BY A MODERN' HERETIC.
Snarker—sle'ven the Bible doesn't deal out
even-handed justiee.
Barker—You surprise me.
Snarker—Well, just consider for a
zaornent the oppoeite fates of Ananias and
Jonah.
BABB ON TIM ANGELS.
Binnick—Man was created a little lower
Than the angels.
Cynic—Then angels can't be all they aro
cracked up to be.
BEMEor.
Those honored by the truly good
Are blessed in great degree,
Though offered up as Fiji food
Beside the far South Sea.
So, when a dominie we ha,d,
Whose preaching wouldn't do,
We honored him, and made liim glad,
With a charge at Tirabnet00.
-r r*s *
And all the preachers in the land
Whose sermons are sedatives,
Should straight be forwarded off hand
To soothe the wayward natives.
A Noble Woman.
First Woman's Rights Advocate—Has
Mrs. Armstrong ever done anything to dis-
tinguish herself n
Second Ditto—Certainly she has. Didn't
you know she was onto arre.sted for beating
her husband?
A Poetic View.
"What did the poet mean when he called
this country 'the land of the free and the
home of the brave ?'"
"Ho was probably referring to bachelors
and married men." said old Mr. Smithers,
sadly.
The largest bog in Ireland is the bog of
Allen, which stretches across the centre of
the island east of the Shannon.
—At Mrs. Mackay's recent elaborate
reception, the first she has given in het new
London palace, the hostess was drowsed
very plainly in pale amber satin, brocaded
aU a floral design. She wore no jeveelti
-whatever.
Empress Feederick of Germany owns ale*
York Central park bead a to the amettut of
$34,700 and $1,000 ha water bonds, Iier
quarterly interest checks are made payable
to Iler Imperial Majesty 'Victoria
Adelaide Marie Louise, Dowager Binpresst
Veederick of Germanys Queen of Preseht,
Prices Boyal of Great Britain and /re-
bind," ot order,
--Ssviteerland yearly receive/1 about tee -
000000 trete foreign teuristee
illavr it Strikes Me.
Kr. Justice Stephen has been discussing
the gamblhag and betting questien. We
beve eo inueli of etate interference in private
Weirs now that people—some people
at least—fail to realize Oust time must be a
limit, unless we are prepared altogether to
ebandon individualism and beeorne elaves
of a great machine called the State. Justice
Stephen thinks Government ought to make
gambling illegal, and stop there. Then
there would be no legal machinery for col-
lecting bets. That does not seem
unreasonable, Certainly no amount
of legielathig will snake men virtuous • but
we 004 make some forms of vice less profit -
eine. As it is now the State occupies a
somewhat enomalons position in the matter,
and it could be remedied by the removal of
the legalization of certain forms of
gambling.
47. *
If I bet on certain events the State
ermines me to collect when 1 win, and com-
pels me to pay if I lose. If I bet on the
turn of a card, I am geilty of a misde-
weeper. If I bet on a horse race (often as
much a matter of pure chance) I am inside
the law. If 1 take a ticket in a lottery Ido
wrong and am liable to be punished, ; onless
the lottery be run by a church or charitable
;society, when it becomes worthy of pat-
ronage. If a merchant offers a distribution
of tickets or a drawing of prizes for his
customers, he lays himself liable to a fine ;
if he gives the prizes on the contingency of
guessing how many seeds there are in a
pumpkin or beans in a sack, he
commits no offence. That is the
solemn decision of the grave old
fellows of our High Court, If I bet $10
against certain parties' $1,000 that my
house will burn down within a given time,
it is, in the contingency, collectable by law,
provided those with whom I bet are called
an insurance company. And, similarly, I,
can bet ozi my Own ChalleeS of life, and the
State not only approves the action but
joins in guarauteeing the fulfllinent of the
conditions. And -lit is all straight betting --
gambling, if you will.
isece
Some papers make much of Talmage's
recent absurdity on the Creation, in which
he described the work in detail, asserting
that it began on a Monday morning. Tal-
mage knows about as much in regard to the
Creation as many another mortal; but
nobody need be surprised at anything he
may say. He is the greet clown of the
theological circus, and if he can get tlae
people to take an interest in his perform-
ances he cares nob whether they applaud,
laugh, or scold him. There's only one Tal-
mage. His license is great, but not greater
than his gall; and so long as the press feeds
its readers on the husks he furnishes, he
will cheerfully endure the criticism, how-
ever harsh. There's money in it.
A friend is trying to put me on a short
cut to wealth. Why does any man with a
little savings account content himself with
a paltry three or four per cent. when by
by taking stock in the society my friend
speaks of he can invest $45, spread over a
year, and every Christmas withdraw $100—
and do this as many times as hernayhavethe
$45 to iuvest ? Talk about "heaven -born
financiers " 1 but where could they improve
on that?
* *
That's how it struclt me at that; then I
began to cipher it out, and I found that, if
the old school rule still holds good, that in-
vestment piled upinterest at therate of about
350 per cent. 1 Interest's a day and night
worker and takes no stock in 8 -hour move-
ments, I know, but that's working a willing
horse rather too hard. I told my friend so.
Then he fired another feature of the society
at me. The happy investor is entitled to
sick benefits while his money is in the con-
cern; and if he dies before the maturity of
his certificate lie gets a pro rata amount
equal to a small life ?Trance.
Now, what puzzles me is to know where
the management gets the funds wherewith
to implement these promises. When I
began to ask aboub it my friend said it
was pointed out to him that new members
were constantly coming in. Now, how
would' that help matters? Pay off matur-
ing endowments. Yes; but in order to
work this way many must join for every
one paid off, and the ratio cannot be kept
up. And, then, how about those who join
Intel The money must be paid in and
earned, or the end must be disaster. The
numbers joining can bolster it up only
temporarily, unless the money to pay each
is produced by each member and his
accrued interest. When amen sells goods
below cost, the bigger his trade the more
rapid is his descent to bankruptcy.
* •
My friend agreed with me. Well, per-
haps there was a proviso, so we searched the
association's literature for it. We found it.
It is quite an important elle. The cost is
only "estimated "—although my friend had
not seen 15 15 that light --and for aught in
the bond the certlficate-holder might be
called upon to pay ten two -dollar assess-
ments a month—or more! Well, that put
quite a different face on the matter. If in-
vestors will not weaken in paying calls the
concern can make good its offers. There's
the rub.
* *
Across the line these concerns are known
as short, term endowment associations, and
hi the past few months many of them have
"gone up like a rocket and down like
a stick." Some of the states
have taken legislative measures to
regulate or suppress them. The failures of
some have caused hardship to many deposit-
ors. Just a few days ago one of the many
failuresof the kind occurred inPhilaclelphia.
The Mutual Endowment Association prom-
ised $95 in five months, at a cost of $52.50.
Not a member was paid except the friends
of the management who were "15 on the
ground floor." When the claimants de-
manded funds they were met with assess-
ments amounting to $40 and an assurance
that if it were forthcoming the $95 would
be paid " to -morrow "! Criminal proceed-
ings are pending.
*his
Now, there is such a thing as legitimate
co-operative investment ; but the men who
look for " something for nothing "are gene-
rally incapable of careful/3r scrutinizing
the schemes pub forwerd by shrewd agents.
The concern my friend and I discussed can
pay its certificates on only one condition :
the members must pay their calls however
numerous they may be. The only faulb I
have to find with its circular is that it
" celeulates" that for a few years they will
not be more 1 ban 20 a year, and the- veriest
tyro knows that such an investment catinot
yield onoagh in interest in the year to make
up $100. The mores/ then ia taken frem
the payments of new members; or assees-
ments are increased in amouut or number.
• *
•
This part of the contract should be made
clearer to the investor, because this class of
investment appeals the moat strongly to the
workingman who sees a way of saving a few
dollars it, month, and hopes by taking ecrti-
ficatee in 4 concern of this kind to double
his hard-eareed savings in a shore yeer. To
thie elase of investor the awekening to the
foot that be may he called on to greatly
increase his contributione Or forfeit all or a
great part of what he hapid in,mtiat come
with a shock. In title couatry her we
are so much governed and regulated and in.
epeeted, too many people ellow their brains
to rust and trust to government and its
funetionariee to protect them in all hinds of
speculation. I don't believe in paternal
governmeet ; 1 think we have far too much
of it ; but the very fact thist each super-
vision is exereieed, over leaks, loan.
Wilding and other s ecieties, renders the oper-
ationof unsupervised monetary concerns
the more susceptible of abuse—at leaet it
leads the small investor who ie unable to
discriminate to be less wary in his dealings
with theni. "Government takes care of
is the feeling of too many in these
matters.
* *
There should be a definite contract in alt
thee matters. I pey so much; I get so
much. Perhaps there would not be such
greab inducemeats offered, but that would
be no disadvantage, It is not to be ex-
pected that any law will make men wise and
diseernhig, but I fail to see why our known
and trusted financial institutions should be
subjected to such rigid State supervision
and scrutiny, to protect the investors and
the public, while unknown financial ven-
tures, managed abroad. and conducted on
principles foreign to Canadian nnancial
methods, should be launched upon a trust-
ing publie, and be free from State control
or uuspection. 1Vlaseuerrn.
SCARING AN ENGLISHMAN.
A Job Was Put lip on lUni But Ile Didn't
Seem to Mind It.
There was a very green Englishman at
West Point, Georgia, who was talking about
purchasing land near ley for a peach orchard,
says the Werke and as he strolled around
the depot the half dozen drummers who
happened to meet there put up a job on him.
One of them btirrowed a coat and hat of a
farmer, took the cartridgee out of his revel -
ver, and with the weapon held aloft us his
hand he suddenly jumped into the waiting
room and yelled:
" Whoop! I'm a cantankerous old
fighter from the headwaters of Fighting
creek 1 I'm half hoes and half alligator !
I'm down on everything that walks on two
legs particularly Englishmen Whar's the
bloody, bloomin Briton who called me a
liar?
"What's the row about ?" inquired the
Englishman, as he came to a halt and faced
about.
" Whoop! I've fit in three wars and kept
a graveyard of my own the rest of the time!"
shouted the terror, as he danced around.
"Down on yer marrow bones and beg my
pardon if you want to live five minutes
longer !"
‘f 1 &met have to, ye knew!" drawled
the Briton, cool as ice, and he squared off
and landed a thumper on the drummer's
nose, which piled him over among the sacks
of cottonseed meal and dazed him so that he
couldn't speak for the next five minutes.
We had to hold the " foreigner " to keep
him from following up, and when the drum-
mer had been sponged off and brought to he
sat down on a baggage truck and held his
nose and reflected for a long time. Then he
slowly remarked:
"When you fellows get through 'being
tickled perhaps you can explain at just what
stage of the game the belt run off 1" •
The Experienced Editor.
The general reader can easily distinguish
by reading a newspaper whether the editor
is of the, green and callow class, or whether
he has been through the mill, so to speak.
If he is one of the former, his paper will
bristle with attacks on this shortcoming or
that neglect; on the idiosyncracy of thie
one or the eccentricity of that one, and the
word "gore" seems to be water -marked on
every page. With the experienced editor it
Is different. He has rid himself of the idea
that the reformation of the world is his
especial work, and sufficient unto the day
are the scars he now bears. He has learned
that no man is without faults, and he be-
lieves that one line of praise is worth more
than a column of blame in securing needed
reforms. He vents 110 personal spites, nor
engages in petty quarrels, and if he does
strike at an abuse it is because it isflagrant
and its correction demanded by the best
interests of the public,. Thee*, is yetanother
kind of editor—the one who realizes his in-
ability to interest his readers by legitimate
news, and so strives to create sensation by
attacking prominent men in their weak
points, but this sort of tactics never suc-
ceeds outside of the largest cities. In the
smaller places, this editor is soon short on
cadavers and dexacter, and is forced to
shut up shop.—Hetes, Colorado Springs.
Enlineky Jane.
Jane, as borne by the royal'families of
Europe, has always been a name of ill -
omen. Lady Jane Grey was beheaded for
treason; Jane Seymour was one of the
victims of King Hal ; Jane Beaufort, wife
James L of Scotland, was savagely
murdered ; Jeanne de Volois, wife of Louis
XII., was repudiated for her want of per-
sonal beauty; Jeanne d'Albert, mother of
Henry IV., wa.s poisoned by Catherine de
Medici; Jane of Castile lost her reason
through the neglect of her husband, Philip
the Handsome, archduke of Austria ; Jane
L of Naples caused her husband to be mur-
dered and married his assassin, and Jane II.
of Naples was one of the most wanton of
Women.
Misunderstood.
Jeer: Johnnie's pastor—Why, John,
where are you going?.
Johnnie—I'm a -gout' skatie."
Johnnie's pastor—But you told me last
night you wouldn't miss Sunday school on
any account.
Johnnie—No, I didn't. I said it would
be a cold day when I stayed away.
--" No, sir," said the man with the dyed
whiskers, "1 never go boat riding Sunday
If I want any Sunday amusement I go the
parks. One may be just as bad as the other,
but if the Lord wants to punish me for Sab-
bath -breaking, he can't get at me half as
easy on land as he can if I'm in a sail boat."
—Chicago Tribune,
—Tolstoi eats a raw onion every morn-
ing. Just think of it when you read his
love stories.
—Depositor (breathlessly)—Is the cashier
in ? Bank Examiner '-e-No, he's out. .Are
you a depositor? " Yes." " Well, you're
out, too.'"
At the famous fancy dress ball given by
the Princess de Leon, in Paris, the 1)rineess
de Sagan appeared as the Empress of Japan.
She was attired in robes ot white eatin,
embroidered with large butteriliee in colored
silks and beads.
In Prance four stretches of strategical
reilway have been opened redeetly. a'hey
extend from Aurillac to Saint -Denis -les -
Martel,. Lons-le-Saulniet te Champagnols,
d'EstrealsSaint-Denis to Saint-Jahtsens
Chauseie and d'Estrees-Sis aint-Dermto
1 missy.
—New York Trorkt : A single white rose
is laid each day on the grave of Gatribetta.
Ille greatest eulogy is the fact that, tho
French 'Republic survives his loss.
Mrs. Parnell is acting as secretary for het
litisbared. Edmund ;YUMA Wants to know
when that religioue ceremony is going to
take piece.
RUMOR"' OW TUE BASTILE.
Sacking of the /infaMens Parisian Dotage
EMI the Itehtellei DV It.
The building of the Bastile was begua
1369, daring the reign of Charles V, It w
destroted by an irdurhtted people July 14
1789—iust 102 years ago to-day—a peo
infuriated by the misrule of profligate kir
and a dissolute aristocracy, wlso seized is
cast into a Basta° duegeosi whom th
pleaeed and on any pretext.
The selected victim would be eeized
night on the street, hurled ieto " trolli
carriage, a closed carrsage, without vsi
closvs, and with a pipe in the roof to adm
air and keep the unfortunate fare aliv
The carriage was the invention of Lem
XIV., and his own Minister of Finance,
Foquet, was among those wise rode in th
royal hearse, to emerge from the &stile
corpse., years afterwards.
Louis XL, that royal coward who mi
ruled La Belle France in the middle of t
seventeenth century, thrust his own brothe
the Cardinal de Bourbon, into this sepulch
of the living, and it is tolcl that emelt day I
visited the cage and stood with folded are
before the grating to listen to the pleading
of the prisoner.
Then he would laugh sardonically and
spit upon the Cardinal and go away until
anTothheEtrBsallentile was originally a fortress, and
as such it was used down to the time of
Charles -VII. It was situated at the Gate
St. Antoine, Paris, and consisted of eight
towers—huge, massive, impregnable.
The tosver walls were twelve feet thick, of
solid masonry, pierced with small apertures,
thxougla which the soldiers might shoot any
assailant.
But under Charles Bea.urnont the grand
fort became is prison. .A circular ditch,
twenty-five feet deep, surrounded the group
of towers; iron bars an inch thick were
mortised into the masonry, crossing and
barring the little apertures in the wails;
cells were cut into the masonry, and others
were built in the ground under the fortress,
while is garrison of 100 picked men, under
command. of a Royal Governor, a royal
attendant and a royal major kept relent-
less guard over the prisoners, so that the
unfortunate wretch -who was oast into this
place was virtually buried alive.
At the whim of the King, peaceful citi-
zens were seized and hurried awav to this
worse than death without trial ty judge
or jury, and that was the end of them
unless another whim happened to seize the
irresponsible Government and let them free
But the Bastile did not become a political
prison till the sixteenth century.
Charles de Goutant, son of the great
Marshal Biron, died here, even when his
ether's praises were on every lip.
Richelieu and Voltaire, Iatude and
Bivlaesize. t were prisoners here during their
Latude escaped by lowering himself from
he upper story of one of the towers.
Dickens and Thackehy, Hugo and
umas wrote some of their most stirring
tories around this historically tragical
lace.
Louis XIL walled up the subterranean
assages under the already. infamous prison
t the end of Rue St. Antoine, but the reign
f terror that led up to and produced the
Reign of Terror " was the blackest in all
he history of peaceful times.
Small wonder that the exasperated and
utraged people of France were transformed
out blithe and gay and careless children to
ends in human form, and that in 1759 the
uarter St. Antoine became a seething
auldron of hatred and vengeance.
The story of the carnival of blood that
Hewed two years later has been told again
d again. it began on the 14th of July,
89, m an attack on the Bastile itself.
The GoVernor, Delaney, defended bis
ronghold with a half heart and fondly sub-
itted to the aroused people. The mob
om the wine shops of St. Antoine rushed
passionate men and very devils of women
to had been robbed here of their loved
es in days gone by. They ransacked the
sae, tearing clown and breaking its fur -
hinge.
They opened the barred doors to the pri-
ners—there were seven there—and next
y with the strength of Sainsons, they
lled down the hated walls and razed the
stile to the ground.
They found skeletons in the subterranean
sages, and evidences of the incarceration
re of many a husband and father who
d disappeared suddenly in days gone by
m the haunts that had known him—the
Bide and the family circle.
t was the first period in the history of a
e people. "Liberte, Egalite, Fraternite"
been advanced one step.
splendid shaft was erected on the site
he infamous old prison, 'and to -day the
umn of July marks the spot.--Areto York
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World.
An lee Cracklax Machine.
A newly invented nutchine for the crack-
ing of ice Is rapidly coming into use. This
consists of a hopper, underneabh which are
two cast-iron plates covered with teeth, the
plates being set at angles to each other,
open at the bottom. Two perforated sheet -
steel plates extend from opposite sides of
the top of the hopper to nearly the bottom
of the teeth, the perforated plates being
pazullel with the teeth plates. When the
lever handle is pushed down the teeth are
pressed together and the ice is crushed. One
of the teeth plates is adjustable, and by it
the size of the ice leaving the machine may
be ,regulated. The machine cracks ice
rapidly, easily, uniformly and economically;
ens] as it is adjustable, large or small lumps
can be had as required. All the working
parts that the ice comes in contact with are
galvanized so as to prevent rusting. The
machine is in successful operation in several
of the leading eafes and saloons in New
York. —Pittsburg Dispatch.
The Boaatital Pumpkin.
A pumpkin which was growing in the
midst of a field of corn got the big head one
day and began bragging itself up.
" 1 am not only a fine vegetable to look
at," observed the pumpkin with great com-
placency, "bat I am nourishment for both
man and beast. Made into pie I am wel-
comed all over America, and even kings
have condescended to eat me. As- food for
the bovine tribe nothing can take my place.
In fine, take it all around, the world could'
not do without me."
Just then the owner of the field and his
hired man happened along, and the owner
caught sight of thc3 pumpkin and called out:
"Here, 13il1, this thing is taking up room
wanted by the corn. Root it np and throw
it over the fence 1"
Moral: The man who thought he owned
the earth died several weeks ago, but the
big wheel hasn't ekipped a cog yet.—r,
Quad.
A. Vile Slander.
Two Texas ladies meet. Says number
one : " Why, do you know whit I heard
about you ?"
" I've no idea."
"1 heard that when your husband was
siek and not expeeted to live, you *tent to te
picnie."
It's a vile Blander ; it was only an ex-
cursidn, and 1 didn't stay more their a week
or ten daya after the inneral."---Itexces Sj
&VA'
^
neeheasnaleas
nese seeeseeneweeasese seente e, e‘e.e.se enessiese nes
for Infants and Children
all(C1170416,7, to 2ne.i: SO WiLelAa.dRAPtstin tEO:bilm.dreD: that lausealigthes::oornisnetz7givCoeslies:eCanfittep,.iatiPor
i recommend it as superior to any- prescription 804r stomach, PieeThoun Ern- et=ot,s,"6
1.11 So. Oxford St., Brooklyn, N, Y. Without tunmous medication.
I
TEM CENTAUR COMPAN'f, 77 Murray Street, N.
CAUSE AND EFFECT'.
rhe More Dudes, the More 014 Maid% Cato
and Mumble Bees.
This is not so bad when you get through
the preface. A professor at Arm Arbor,
Mich., was discussing the process of fertil-
izing plants by means of inseets carrying the
pollen from one plant to another, and to
amuse them, told bow old maids were the
ultimate cause of it all. The humble bees
carry the pollen; the field mites eat the
humble bees ; therefore, the more field mice
the fewer humble bees ssnd the less pollen
and variation of plants. But cats devour
field mice and o/d maids protect eat.
Therefore, the more old maide the more
cats, the fewer field mice the more bees.
Hence old maids are the cause of variety in
plante.
Thereupon a sophomore, with a single
eye -glass, an English umbrella, a box
coat, with his trousers rolled up at the
bottom, arose and asked:
"1 sa-a-y, professah, what is the cense—
ah—of old maids, don't you know ?"
"Perhaps Miss Jones can tell you,'
suggested the professor.
Dudes 1" said Miss Jones sharply and
without a moment's hesitation.—New Fork
Tribune.
From Duluth to Liverpool.
The wha,lebacker, Charles Westmore, the
result of whose trip across the Atlantic was
awaited with a good deal of anxiety in ship-
ping and inercentile circle -a, has shown the
confidence of her owners in her sea -going
powers to have been well-founded, for she
arrived at Liverpool safely yesterday. She
made the trip from Sydney to Liverpool in
nine days. This is the &et time a boat of
the class of the West's -lore has ever crossed
the ocean. Its route was from Duluth,
through the lakes and the Welland Canal,
down the St. Lawrence and thence to the
ocean.
A case of malpractice on a woman who
formerly lived 3n Woodstock is reported
from Montreal.
"1 say, Bill," said one summer philoso-
pher to another, as they lay beneath a
spreading tree, "did yer ever turn yer at-
tention to literatoor any ?" I should say
so." "What's the longest sentence you
ever run across ?" "Ten years," was the
unhesitating reply.
rrt
A Wen Known Lady Tells
of Cl/eat Behefit
Derived Fronra
1100d7S Sarsaparilla
For Debility, Neuralgia and
Catarrh
"TORONTO, DOC. 28, 1890.
"C. I. HOOD & Co., Lowell, Mass.
Gnerrentenze : For many years, I have
been suffering from catarrh, neuralgia
and general debility. I failed to obtain
any permanent relief from medical ad-
vice, and my friends feared I would
never find anything to cure me. A
short time ago I was induced to try
Hood's Sarsaparilla. At that time I
was unable to walk even a short dis-
tance without feeling a
Death -Like Weakness
overtake me. And I had intense pains
from neuralgia, in iny head, back and
limbs, which were very exhausting.
But I ani glad to say that soon after I
began taking Hood's Sarsaparilla I saw
that it was doing me good. I have
now taken three bottles and am entirely
Cured of Neuralgia.
I am gaining in strength rapidly, and
can take a two-mile walk without feel-
ing tired. 1 do not suffer nearly to
much from catarrh, and find that as my
strength increases the catarrh decreases.
I am indeed a changed woman, and
shall always feel grhtefid to Hood's Sar-
saparilla for what it has done for me.
It Is Any Wish
that this my testimonial shall be pub-
lished in order that others suffering as
was may leaen how to be benefited.
"Yours. ever gratefully,
"MRs. /VI. E. MERRICK,
"36 Wilton Avenue,
"Toronto, Canada."
This is Only One
Of many thousahds of people who
gladly testify to the excellence of and
benefit obtained from Hood's Sarsapae
rilla. If you suffer from any disease or
affection caused by impure blood or low
state of the system, yoil should cer-
tainly take 1
HOOWS;
Sarsaparilla.
Seld by druggists, $1 ; six for $5. Prepared c
only by C. I. HOOD & CO., Lowell, llraM•
100 0011.6 One Dollar 8
CARTERS
ITTLE
IVER
PILLS.
CU E
Sick Headache and reheve all the txoubleolo
deft to a bilious state of the Wpm... 'uDizziness, Nausea. Drowsiness, nesvmm
eating, Pain in the Side, iec. while their
retharkable success has been shown in curing
Headache, yet CARTER'S LIME Lona
are equally, valuable in Consepanon,
and, preventing this annoying complaint, e
they also correct an disorders of the stout
stimulate the 'liver and regulate the bowels.
Even if they only cured
HEAD
Ache they would be almost priceless to those
who suffer from this distressing complaint,*
but fortunately their goodness does net end
here, and those who MVO tty them will Knit
these little pills valuable in so many ways that
they will'not be willing to do without thefts.
Eut after all sick head
is the bane of so many lives that here is when'
we make our great boast. Our pills cure it
while others do not.
CurrEtt'a LITTLE Livsn Pius are very small
and very easy to take. One or two pills make
is dose. They are strictly vegetable and de
not gripe or purge, but by them gentle adieu
please all who use there. In vials at 25 cents:
five for $t. Sold everywhere, or sent by mail.
CARTE: 117410I1111 CO., Bow
hall ?ill. all Don hall Ma
,:k‘IttNetett
..SCIXONOICOt
,
• / •
A pamptilet of information and ab-
stract of the lawe,thowing Row to
Obtain Patents, Caveats. Trod
Marks, Oarlricaits, dont food.
AddIVIS MUNN 4 CO.
361 Broadway,
Now York.
IIE WAS AlF INSBILiNCE AGENT,
And he Badgered a Polley Brom a Merehant.
He came into the office of a merchant on
Jefferson avenue, and, with a chewy "Good
morning," as if a familiar friend, pulkd a
chair up near the desk and sat down. The
merchruzt eyed him for a moment and quietly
remarked :
Well ?"
"Yes, thank you," he replied wit& a
smile. "1 hope you are well also."
It almost jarred the merchant out oi kis
chair.
"1 didn't ask you you whether you were
well or not," he said, getting hot, end it
is none of your business how I am. What
do yoiz want ?"
"1 want $100,000 and a palace and a
yacht, and a four-in-hand," he rattled away.
"Confound you," angrily exclaimed the
merchant, "what do I care what you
want?"
"I don't really know," he answered in
the best humor imaginable, "but I presume
you did care or you wouldn't have asked
33
"Conie, come," stuttered the a
merchant, this is past endurance. ou
are a perfect stranger to me, and you eeme
in here and take up my time and talk like
an idiot. What do you come Isere for "
"For a few minutes only," said the visi-
tor serenely, and with the same placid de-
meanor.
"Oh, clid you?" and the merchaut
jumped out of his chair and started for hiro.
"Well, if you don't get out in two minutes
ru break your head for you."
"Now—now—you are talking business,"
calmly responded the visitor. " Go right
on and break my head, and my arm and my
leg. That 'will lay me up for at least 12
weeks and Pll get $50 a week fro.ne the finest
accident insurance compaiay m all One
beautiful world of ours, sir, the very finestand surest, and nsost reliable and richest.
I represent that company, sir. Don't you
want a policy with us? Dead sure snap on
$50 a week if you are injured by an acci-
dent, and $10,000 spot cash and no commis-
sions if you get killed. 1 carry two policies
myself, and when I hear a main talk about
using me as you threatened to do I fairly
beam vnth joy and hope breaks out on mo
in great blotches. I have been—"
"For heaven's sake !" interrupted the
victim, "shut up! How much is a policy
for a year? Give me one quick and get out,
before I commit suicide and stiok your Com-
pany for the full value."
Ten 'mantes later the victim was in the
net, and the captor had departed with his
gen for the next one. ---Chicago
—When the Mexican swell rides abroad
he sits on is saddle that is worth a small
fortune. He wears a blaek velvet jacket,
tight -fitting brecehes and an expensive
sombtero. Ilie spars are of silver.
—M. Marcy, by arranging his own ap-
paratus, has eucceeded in photographing the
tight of instate, the exposure of the plate
eing necessarily not over 1-25,000th part of
second.
The Provincial authorities have just ban
eformed that Miss Aliee lefender has
ecently died in st private asylum its Mon-
eal from bIood.poisoning, induced by is
nmminat operatien. The unfortenate women
belonged to Woodstock, Ont., but lately had
etansidberdidgfiei. the town of Notre Dame de