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The Citizen, 2005-11-17, Page 5THE CITIZEN, THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 17, 2005. PAGE 5. Other Views Hey you! Yea, I’m talking to you! Ever get the feeling that the whole world is out to make you paranoid? It’s not you, pal - it’s life. And anyway, you’re not as paranoid as Scott Stevens - yet. Mister Stephens used to be the weather guy on KPVI-TV in Pocatello, Idaho, but no longer. Not that he was bad at the job - he was fine. But he wanted more time to pursue and prove his personal conviction - that the viciousness of Hurricane Katrina was caused by a Russian-made electromagnetic generator employed by the fiendish Japanese mafia known as Yakuza. Stevens figures it’s all about revenge for the Second World War bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. “The patterns and odd geometric shapes in the sky are unmistakable evidence,” he says, “that our weather is being stolen from us.” Austin Powers, where are you when we need you? Speaking of Ms Katrina, we can thank her for the fact that armed dolphins are now on the loose somewhere in the Gulf of Mexico. 1 am not making this up. According to a report in The Houston Observer, military experts in the U.S. Navy have trained dolphins to “shoot terrorists and pinpoint spies underwater.” These Atlantic bottlenose dolphins - there are 36 of them — are kitted out with toxic dart guns. Their compound on the Louisiana coast was flooded during Hurricane Katrina and the dolphins disappeared, presumably into the Liberals exhume Tories Ontario’s Liberal government is digging up the body of the Progressive Conservative predecessor it defeated two years ago in the hope this will help it win an election. The Liberals under Premier Dalton McGuinty are having difficulty appearing to be easy election winners solely through their own performance, particularly because they have not overcome a reputation acquired early for breaking promises. So they are using every procedural opportunity the legislature provides to remind of the worst aspects of the Conservative government led by premiers Mike Harris and Ernie Eves, which was liked for its tax cuts, but at its end remembered more for cutting services and butting heads. Among many examples, a Conservative asked McGuinty the province-wide cost of pay increases given teachers, which many worry is exorbitant, and he retorted the important issue is that peace and stability have been restored to schools and years of Conservative confrontation ended. McGuinty claimed this will replace millions of school days - he was presumably counting every individual student - lost by the Tories. The Conservative never got a proper answer because under legislature rules a premier and ministers can answer questions virtually any way they want providing it is not obscene. Finance Minister Dwight Duncan was asked why the Liberals still run a deficit after two years in government, when in opposition they promised they would balance the books. Duncan snapped back they were misled by the outgoing Conservatives, who claimed they had balanced the budget, but left a deficit of $5.5 billion. Duncan said the Conservatives have no credibility and should be ashamed, but their claim was so suspect at the time the Liberals must be dismayed they attached credibility to it. Arthur Gulf where they are no doubt milling around like Boyz from the ‘hood, packing heat and looking for action. How does a bottlenose dolphin differentiate between an Al Qaeda suicide bomber aquanaut and oh, say, a pudgy Canuck vacationer in flowered shorts, snorkel and swim fins? Dolphins are smart, but they’re not THAT smart. Which is why I won’t be dabbling my tootsies in the Gulf of Mexico anytime soon. On the up-side of the paranoia sweepstakes, the market for Elvis-is-alive-and-pumping- gas-in-Wichila wagers has virtually dried up. British bookmakers quoted by England’s ITV confirmed that betting action on whether The King was still alive and hiding out somewhere “has almost completely disappeared.” “It is perhaps,” said London bookie Rupert Adams somewhat grandly, “the end of an era.” Perhaps - and maybe just as well. If Elvis were alive he’d be 71 come January - and if he was still horsing down the fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches the way he was when he ‘disappeared’ in 1977 he would weigh approximately 1,100 pounds. Duncan was asked by a Conservative why the Liberals appointed friends to oversee electricity production, passing over others more knowledgeable, and shot back “We’re cleaning up the mess the last government left - fixing up the mess you created.” A Conservative asked Duncan for advice for residents struggling to pay bills, particularly because the Liberals increased taxes. He countered that the Tories left a legacy of mismanagement second only to the New Democratic Party government before them. The minister tried to kill two birds with one stone, but offered no guidance to taxpayers. To further questions, Duncan charged that his Conservative predecessors slept when they should have found new electricity sources and starved healthcare and education and forced the Liberals to find new money. When Conservative leader John Tory, who was not an MPP under Harris and Eves, accused the Liberals of secrecy in managing the greenbelt they established around Toronto, Tourism Minister Jim Bradley jeered Harris’s right-wing voice now dominates the Conservative party. Bradley claimed the once-moderatc Tory has joined the speculators, wants to pave land the Liberals would save and is an environmentalist in Toronto, but supports opponents of land being taken for a greenbelt when he is on their turf. A Conservative asked Health Minister George Smitherman to prevent more nurses being fired and he accused Harris’s And now for the paranoia piece de resistance. We have discovered - at last - the true whereabouts of the Weapons of Mass Distraction the Americans have been looking for. They - it, actually — has been found within the very bosom of the Bush family. Did 1 mention I’m not making any of this up? At a ceremony naming the new speaker of the state legislature, Dubya’s brother, Florida governor Jeb Bush, decided that the time was ripe to reveal the royal jelly in the Bush family closet. It's a chap by the name of Chang. “Chang is a mystical warrior,” Governor Bush told the assembled crowd. “Chang is somebody who believes in conservative principles, believes in entrepreneurial capitalism, believes in moral values that underpin a free society...I rely on Chang with great regularity in my public life. He has been by my side and sometimes I let him down. But Chang, this mystical warrior, has never let me down.” Turns out that Jeb learned all about Chang at his daddy’s knee. George Herbert Bush believed in Chang too. Bush pere was famous for muttering “unleash Chang” to himself when facing a troublesome tennis opponent. He also invoked Chang whenever he wanted people to stop arguing with him. There’s no indication that the Bush currently ensconced in the Oval Office - Bushlite, as it were - kneels at the alter of Chang. Dubya’s more inclined to worship Ching. You know - that sound a Haliburton cash register makes? government of acting “like an axe murderer” in handling public employees. Smitherman also was asked to comment on a report that waiting lists for some hospital operations are growing and denounced it as fabricated by “Mike Harris and the gang at the Fraser Institute.” The minister was proper to show caution, because of the institute’s right wing leanings, but it also had enough independence to blow the whistle when Eves’s Conservative government claimed falsely it had balanced its books. The most discussed topic in the legislature oddly may be the Conservative government that vanished two years ago. The Liberals have indicated they are prepared and even eager to use Harris and Eves and what voters disliked most about them against the current Conservative leader Tory and his party in an election in 2007. In a tight race this could tip the balance against today’s Conservatives and they need to distance themselves from the former leaders and hope they can rest in peace. Letters Policy The Citizen welcomes letters to the editor. Letters must be signed and should include a daytime telephone number for the purpose of verification only. Letters that are not signed will not be printed. Submissions may be edited for length, clarity and content, using fair comment as our guideline. The Citizen reserves the right .o refuse any letter on the basis of unfair bias, prejudice or inaccurate information. As well, letters can only be printed as space allows. Please keep your letters brief and concise. Bonnie Gropp The short of it For the kids Not every child wants to play baseball. Not every child likes to play soccer. Not every child wants to leap like Stojko. Not every child can be the next Wayne Gretzky. And not every parent has the time and or money to let them try. Also, not every parent has the resources to drive their children to other areas so they may find their passion. Yet, everyone knows it’s important for kids to be busy, to expend that boundless energy, to develop interests and learn new things. A child stuck at home playing video games is an unhealthy one. However, so is the child filling endless hours of time, standing on a street corner. A group in Blyth has recognized that this is an issue in small villages, and better yet, have been striving to solve the problem. Bravo to them. Unless a child is into organized sport, there is little for them to do in our small towns and a caring community really shouldn't allow that to happen. So, to address the need for a place where kids can be active, at their own skill level, and without breaking the bank, a youth activity park has been proposed. Similar projects have been successes in other communities, why not here? However, it’s been tried before to no avail. The suggestion was brought forward a few years ago to North Huron council. At that time concerns of funds, location and liability, made for a less than enthusiastic response. The worry about insurance costs to cover liability, is definitely something to be concerned about. This is the age of lawsuits and a simple bump on a cement pad could become fodder for one. Bui name a part of life today where that isn’t a factor. It certainly applies at our arenas and ballparks, at our theatres and businesses There’s insurance coverage on all municipal property. Would an activity park for kids really cost that much more? When the need was expressed for a complex with an indoor pool, arena, squash courts, fitness centre and meeting room, it was a must have. When upgrades were suggested for Blyth Community Centre to make it more competitive with others in the area, it was a green light as well. Yet while their value to the communities is not questioned, it remains that they continually operate at a huge deficit, and that’s a fact that’s unlikely to change. But it’s accepted because we need arenas. They are the hub for social and recreational events, filled night after night. When it arises we answer the need for more diamonds and soccer fields. These are the activities we know a community must sustain, right? But a skateboard park? There’s a certain stigma to the sport that shadows it in a somewhat overcast light. Its popular heroes may be a little more flamboyant than the traditional athletes. But the kids who enjoy skateboarding are nothing more than kids. There are no more bad eggs among them, then you might Find on a hockey team or in a high school corridor. Every child needs to be busy and have a place to socialize. They need to feel part .of something. And to truly be part of a community they need to feel that that community is supporting them. The kids have expressed a commitment to the project. If they really mean it, if they’ll fundraise (that’s imperative) and work with the adults to bring the dream to fruition, they should be given the chance.